June 20, 2004

His love.

His love of music.
He has always loved music.
Brass bands, big bands, musicals.
I remember this one time as a young kid trying very hard to learn to sing a song for something we were doing at church.
He was the band leader and directed many musicals and taught young people to love that brass sound.
He had patience and was patient with me but the faces of the others at church told me I wasn't singing it right and I ran crying out to the lobby and hid in the coat rack.
I was young and didn't want to disappoint him.
He wasn't.

His love of books, all kinds, helped me continue to love books, all kinds and he still reads and finds new authors to share with me.

His love of his wife and family, has taught me how to love my family.
Undying, unwavering, faithful, stern.

A few years ago, we almost lost him.
I remember going to see him and he tried to say those words about leaving and I wouldn't let him because I just knew, it wasn't his time. No matter what anyone else said or how he felt, it wasn't his time.
And it wasn't.
He is stronger than ever and doing well.

I know I have placed this song on my site for him before but it is the song that I equate with him not just for the lyrics, but because of the horns being played in the background. Powerful, yet quiet at the same time and strong behind the scenes taking you to the end with a force that lifts you just when you feel yourself breaking and wanting to cry.
Him being there for me when I was small and slowly letting me grow and grow older and make my own decisions as well as my own mistakes.
Hair is grey and the fires are burning
So many dreams on the shelf
You say I wanted you to be PROUD of me
I always wanted that myself
Happy Fathers Day dad. I love you and am proud of you and will never forget how much you love me and just know, even though the miles separate us, that I love you.
Winter.