My Single Mom Life

{{{hugs}}} That sucks Kat. I have also been burned trying to help some people. I had to walk away and let them do for themselves - for my own sanity. I think you did a very sweet thing although I have to say I would never open my home like you did.

Coming back late was inconsiderate - but it's possible that his girlfriend was buying him a nice dinner to make him feel better.
And, speaking frankly: while you were being helpful, he may have perceived your helpfulness as pressuring and stressful, if you can see what I mean.

p.s. Not saying you were wrong to put his stuff outside, just playing devil's advocate as usual. :D

I'm sorry that sh*t did that to you! He's just a stupid kid that doesn't know any manners or care that someone was trying to help. No wonder his dad threw him out.

You did the right thing tossing his crap out. You also did the right thing in trying to help him - it is HIM that screwed it up.

*HUGS*

I'd like to say that was the case but his GF quit her job 2 weeks ago and was thisclose the getting booted out of her place too because she hasn't paid any rent either.
I can see where my help may have been perceived as stressful, yes, but he was not from around here, had no idea what rents and sections of towns are like and he could have said something. Still though, to not have been back by 1am and who knows what time he did come back, was fucking rude.

I'm so sorry that happend to you! What a jerk.

It's alright, I just will be way more cautious helping anyone again.

But the thing that killed me was his GF didn't have any money yet they went out to eat instead of trying to save their money because they wanted a place to go by friday. You don't spend money when you need to move ASAP ya know? I was floored by that brilliant move.

Yeah, knowing that she was broke too... well, their behaviour kind of explains some of the problems they've been having with their people.
Some people just don't understand that families are not there to give a free ride, that they can just do as they did when they were in high school, sitting around and waiting to be taken care of and that's the way life works. Getting the idea of personal responsibility into their head can be an impossible task...

Right. So I shouldn't feel too bad. Heidi said that she heard THEM come back around 1:15. I told them the girl couldn't stay here and they both came back. That was rude too.

Yep. Starting to sound like you made a lucky first-inning escape.

Kat after you and I went to bed he and his uptight girlfriend came back here around 1:15am. I heard them making noise out side of my window and so I looked out side to see the chairs moved all over and the classifieds on one of our chairs . I had to get that news papper from work where everyone has been fighting for everything from the news papper to a can of tuna and that fuck off just leaves it out there! That is such a slap in our face's!

I agree with Karen. I think you did the right thing by trying to help him, but you also did the right thing by putting all his stuff outside. Let him learn the hard way that he can't just treat people like shit and expect them to be quiet and take it. So you definitely shouldn't feel bad about that. I just hope he will grow up and learn - otherwise the world will have one more asshole who thinks he can do whatever he wants. There are plenty of those people around. He's still young, so there might be some hope.
I can understand how you're disappointed and hurt, but don't feel bad about putting his stuff outside. He had it coming, that's for sure.

Ah Kat! Think back to your teen years, Tthink hard ! How wonderful we are at amnesia when it comes to are many (in my case loads) sins to our own parents!I tell my twin daughters now how they said how many times they said they hated me, they say "no way, I never!" When my folks were still alive, I had that chance to apologize to them, they just laughed. Ah the teen years, the innocent eyes, lies possesion of the inner little demon! If I had a million for everytime my kids were kicked out/came back I wouldnn't be on here typing right now! Please, if you can, tell his parents he's ok right now & if you can, put yourself in their shoes right now! You do not know the whole truth , & chances are that, the parents are not that bad & may have a hard time dealing with that teen now! Oh , I would have changed a lot of things with the raising of my 3 little demons! My parents had 6 girls, I was the baby & I always said, "I will never have girls, or if I do I won't treat them like you did! HA I twin daughters (now 22, single, moms) I have eaten my words! Tread carefully!

Sorry my spelling sucks there!I may be wrong about his parents, but be careful! I know there are a lot of people whom shouldn't have children & are insensitive butt-hole-surfers! Just make sure you get the whole story!XOXOXOXOXOO Hey! I'm a pisces too!

Well you did the right thing and started out with the best of intentions so hey, you did what you could, he screwed it up and so c'est la vie. I'm kinda wondering if this kid makes a habit of doing to others what he did to you so that he has a place to crash, etc. and doesn't have to pay.

I am suprised you expected anything different from this kid. It was well intentioned you trying to help him, but it sounds as if that help was conditional on him taking the steps you thought he should take. If that is the case, you should have laid all that out on the table before letting him into your home. Don't get me wrong, he was rude, unthinking, and unappreciative of your help. You placed expectations on him he did not live up to, but he is only a child, as it were.




It reminds me of the one time I accepted money from family to help out in a bad situation. From that moment on, to this day, I cannot spend money on anything without their judgement about whether or not I can afford this or should "waste money" on that. If I had known I was signing up for a life of financial scrutiny, I would have done it differently.



I am sorry this kid crapped on your hospitality this way. Maybe next time you just need to make clear any conditions that need to be followed before you offer to help.

My hubby's moto is "other people suck" he always believes people will shit on you if they can, simply because they can. I try to think better of people, but incidents like you describe and what happened to me on Friday (someone found my wallet and is using my credit cards) that leans me toward his opinion.

Sorry that kid didn't appreciate good help when he saw it.

I raiseds my kids to show others respect, but they just all don't seem to get it anymore! Take care! Next time(if there is a next time) call the parents first!

Kat, it sounds to me like you were lucky to learn about this sooner than later. I have to wonder if this kid was bragging to his GF at Applebee's that he'd found someone to live off of for a while. I also have to wonder if your home would have turned into a motel for this kid and GF to use for *you-know-what*. Not something you or Heidi would want to walk in on, or have your kids walk in on!

It was nice of you to want to try to help him, especially given your current financial situation. But he was clearly intending to abuse your good intentions, so you are better off rid of him.

{{{HUGS!!!}}}

Congratulations on tossing them out! How rude and unappreciative of them.. they deserved to come 'home' to find their shit on the doorstep. I'm just sorry you didn't slap them too.

It sucks that people like this have to ruin things for other people that really do need help, those that are now less likely to receive it because people like you get burned.

See, that's the other thing. It wasn't supposed to be they. It was supposed to be HE. She just sort of invited herself to stay at my house. I have a small home and I live here with my 2 sons and my room mate whom I never even cleared this with because she was at home sleeping because she works late at night. I had to tell her about it later that hey, I am letting some homeless 21 year old stay here for a few days, is that ok? They made me look bad in front of someone who should have been in on teh decision but I made a snap decision and got screwed.

I have been wanting to give back, pay it forward ya know, and this was my chance to do a good deed. His GF just sort of invited herself. grr. I'm still mad.

I have no idea who his parents are or else I would have called them. I learned a lesson here too. Don't get involved unless you know them.

VHM, I am usually with your husband but I wanted to repay the good that was done for me. Not again. Maybe to the people online who need help but real people here in my town can go fuck themselves. I'll just continue to become an antisocial hermit. I was so close to cutting off real life contact with people. Very sorry about your wallet. Hope you can get the charges taken off.

John, we talked about it when he first arrived at my door at 3:30. He said he didn't know where to go, who to call, what parts of the city to live in and could I help him. He had just moved here 3 months ago from Minnesota. He asked for my help in finding a new place to live so I did just that. But he told me #1, he was homeless and #2 that he was BROKE so for him to go out to eat and a few drinks at Applebees was a lie and rude when I offered and he and his GF ate sandwiches, chips and soda and some of my sons birthday cake while they were here. My expectations were for him to be honest and he wasn't.

Kelly, he did mention that his father wanted him to sign a contract about house rules. Like pay some rent, be in at a reasonable hour even though he's 21, no GF at the house etc etc. So he must have broken the rules at his dads and that is why his dad threw him out. I should have been hearing alarm bells.

Vicki,
I have no amnesia when it comes to my sins against my parents as a teen. I had a party in their house and they threw me out. I stayed out. I love my parents and have made amends to them for those sins but I went and got a job and paid my friend Jenny's mom rent and saved my money and got my own place with another friend. I followed her rules while I was there. Fucking over your parents is one thing. Fucking over some stranger who took you in is entirely another. It shows lack of class, morals and respect.

Thanks Kirsi. I am trying not to feel bad because it was so late at night but ya know what? It's florida and it was about 79 degrees last night with no rain. The truly homeless people here sleep outside all night with way less stuff to keep them comfy then he had. He survived I'm sure.

Bill. Yup.

Holy shit that was so rude and inconsiderate. I am glad you kicked his ass out. You do not treat someone like that who out of the goodness of their heart took you in. This is why I am anti-social. You are a better person than I because I would not have taken him in at all. You should be given a medal for trying to help him out. And he should be slapped for doing that to you.

Well let's just put it this way Tam, I won't do it again.

Aw, baby! *hugs* :-)

Don't let that get to you, hard as it may be. The point is not that he was wrong, the point is that you were right :-)
You did something very sweet, and no matter how little he appreciated it, your kindness still stands.

There's a big list somewhere, not drawn up by god, karma, or *whatever*.
It's simply a list of what makes you, *you*. And this is a good note to it :-) So don't focus on the badness of this guy, focus on the goodness of you. You may have been burnt, but that only shows that you have the ability to care about people. And that's never a bad thing :-)
*smoooooooooooch*

I do care about people but I hate them at the same time for the way they treat each other.
I see so many types of people when I go out and I watch the way they interact with each other and firstly it makes me sad but mostly it pisses me off.
I don't understand why people are so bad to each other and then I recall my bad experiences with getting shit on and go oh yeah, this is why we're all shitty to each other. You can't trust people.
The people online, are the most amazing people I know. They are kind and caring and willing to help out and pitch in whenever they can. Sure, there are moments of blog drama but mostly, this is an amazing community of kind and wonderful people.
Where is that offline?
Where is it?
I don't see it on a daily basis at all.
People are helping each other right now because of the hurricane but when it's all cleaned up and power and water restored and home are rebuilt, it will go right back to the way it was of not saying hello to your neighbors and not helping each other out.
*sigh*

kat... I'm new to the blog thing but found your story and had to respond. I, too, have helped so many, but I have been treated so badly by the ones who really didn't deserve help. I helped a single mom, giving her rides to the store, etc. Then she began to lie to me about asking for money. I was strong enough to tell her no, I could not loan her money. Then the woman began to go psycho over the next few weeks, accusing me of having feelings for her boyfriend (who i was not interested in) did a lot of creepy underhanded things to me which resulted in her approaching my van with my children in it and pulling the door open and beating me while my children cried. It was so humiliating, painful and emotionally scarring especially to my children. I recently had to go to divorce court and guess who my ex husbands star wittness was? She sat up there and fabricated the ugliest most embarrasing lies. I have yet to recieve an answer from the judge, but I hope the judge could see the truth. I know I think twice before helping individuals now. I still think it's good to donate clothes, food etc. to shelters and stuff. That way you can help without having to get personal.

I'm really very sorry that happened to you. I hope that teh divorce goes well for you. I hav ebeen there before too.