Not so good.
I have been doing pretty shitty health wise lately.
I have been out of pain meds since Thanksgiving and just sorta of getting by.
Due to fax machine foul ups, my doctor never got my requests from the pharmacy for refills for 6 days and then today, the pharmacy never got the ok to fill them.
Until 6pm.
So my meds are ready and it's too dark to walk and my sis can't take me until tomorrow night.
I have been doing my best to stay ok and not push myself but I really can't bear it much longer.
I am in so much pain, all I want to do is lay down and cry.
This is part of my reason for not posting and the stuff I have been posting is just stupid stuff. (Look I did cat posts all day!) I know how much cat posts really irk some people but hey, you get what you get when I'm in fucking pain.
I'm lucky I have been able to sit here at all.
My hands are screwed up as well.
It's like the arthritis is moving into my hands now too because they are all just curled up and pained. I look like I have claws.
I look like my grandmother on my mothers side but without the swelled knuckles.
I used to be terrified of nanas hands.
They were like witchs hands.
I used to draw them in art class and the teacher and students would ooh and ahh and ask me how I created such scary hand drawings.
"My nana." I would say.
Shoot me if I ever get arthritis that bad in my body. I know she was a powerhouse right up until her death and I can't even figure out where or how she had so much strength and courage. I can only imagine her alone moments with no kids or grandkids around wishing for all the pain to go away, wishing for just one day of straightened hands.
I am not my nana. I am not that strong.
I am simply not strong enough for even one more problem.
I just want it all better.
Now.
Like if a genie came and said hey kat, what one wish do you want, anything, I can do anything.
I would take perfect health.
No money, no true love, no wealth.
Just perfect health.











