I just feel like sharing in light of recent events.
Back when I was a fairly new mom, I went and saw a counselor. I was tired and frustrated. My now-ex husband was cheating on me left and right and never around. I was raising one baby and carrying another.
I admitted to having spanked my little boy quite hard.
CPS was called and I was investigated. I went to parenting classes, I answered questions, I complied. They dropped the case as unfounded.
A few years later, a day care worker called CPS on me because Sebastian had a bruise on his butt. Mark had smashed him with a toy and when the CPS worker came to the house, she saw for herself that Mark hit his little baby brother with toys, his hands etc. Case dropped the first day.
I also went through CPS again after my ex-husband smacked Sebastian in the face.
I have been through the CPS stuff 3 times now and it isn't fun, I don't wish it on my worst enemy and would never do it to someone else unless I truly believed or saw with my own eyes, a child being abused.
I get anonymous emails about once a month telling that I am going to have CPS coming after me and I rarely talk about the boys anymore. I talk about fun stuff they do, grades, health, school but never much do I mention punishments of any kind and it's because some do gooder person out there was mad at me for some shit on a parenting site I was a member of about 2-2 1/2 years ago and she threatened to have my kids removed from my life.
I've had creepss, crazies, loons, better parents than me all over my shit since becoming a blogger and on the opposite end of the spectrum, I was fired from a job because I couldn't go in to work because my child was sick. I was told and I quote, "my priorities were in the wrong order."
Good parent, bad parent, trudging along right in the middle doing the best you can, someone else will always have an opinion.
I have learned that if you don't want your own words used against you, don't say them.
No, it doesn't make it better or easier and venting parental frustrations is a bitch because you are trying to get advice from others. You just have to carefully use your words.
Wrong or right.
Comments
Hi Kat! I rarely post comments, but I have read your blog for a while now and I need to tell you I think you are a good mom. I don't know you and I'm not sure to what the entry is referencing, but I have 2 teens and a 20 year old and I think you do (just as I) the best you can. Any parent who claims to "know best" and feels qualified to judge other parents about parenting is full of it. Keep doing what you are doing, esp. talking to your kids. I think you are right on.
Merry Christmas! Best Wishes for 2005.
Posted by: Lori | December 23, 2004 8:15 PM
{{{Kat!!!}}} I am so sorry you have had to deal with this crap. I don't believe for a second that you are a bad mom!
CPS can be a good thing, and I wish there was more awareness of it when I was growing up. My father was the abusive asshole from hell, and I endured a lot of nasty shit growing up. On a few occasions, I did try to tell a teacher or a guidance counselor at school what was going on in my home, but it always got brushed off.
Now it seems that the pendulum has swung the other way. It seems that a parents can't even discipline their children without some asshat seeing it as abuse. Raise your voice to a misbehaving child in public, and someone will rat you out to CPS. I mean, sheesh, there is a HUGE difference between beating the living shit out of a kid, and spanking him/her on the butt when s/he misbehaved.
This kind of thing is a big part of why Mike and I chose not to go the parenting route. We see so many kids running rampant, being little shits, with parents who feel helpless to do anything about it. Perhaps a lot of it is fear that anything they do to correct the child, even if it is not corporal punishment, might be construed as abuse. Hell, I have heard of people who consider the idea of making the kid go to his room, after having removed the TV, computer, video game system, etc, to be child abuse!
Hang in there, Kat. You are a good mom. Your boys have a place to live, food to eat, and a mom who loves them. You may not be perfect, but who is? You are doing nothing wrong, and whoever is hassling you needs to shut the fuck up already!
{{{HUGS!!!}}}
Posted by: Christine | December 23, 2004 9:07 PM
This entry isn't so much about me as it is about me and every other parent out there blogging on the net.
Our words are our words. Once we say them, we must either clarify them or stand up for them and the outcome is as it is.
This entry is now closed comments.
I was making a statement of facts about my life and about what I have learned.
Posted by: kat | December 23, 2004 9:18 PM