Thanks everybody.
Man, have I been in a funky fucked up way lately or what?
Things just were not, still mostly not ok.
Some things just did get resolved to a point and then a realization that a friendship is completely, utterly, over, came on me like a ton of bricks.
Finito.
That's ok. I knew it was over. I knew months ago it was over. I just didn't allow it to really settle in and affect me and I just did and part of me is sad and part of me is like WTF? How the hell did it come to this? Could I possibly be to blame for all of it and ya know what?
I'm not.
I do not and will not ever feel guilty for putting my kids above everyone else in my life.
My family is always the most important thing on my mind and no amount of money or time with anyone else could ever take the place of my boys.
Yes things are gonna get hard on me again in about 6 months. Really hard. Maybe by then I will finally be having my surgery and starting to recover so yeah, it's gonna be a bitch to have to start everything over and find a new roommate but at least now, I have a definitive answer to whether or not she was moving out. I can start planning for 6 months down the road.
I can start attempting to save money from jewelery sales and have a few yard sales and more babysitting etc until then.
It's gonna suck but I did what needed to be done and she is doing what she needs to do. This friendship has been over for months now and we have both just been sorta faking it. At least now we know where we stand, no more lies and no more attempts to make anyone feel better with stupid touchy feely crap so no one gets upset.
Honesty is always the best policy and that is all I have ever wanted from the people in my life.
Comments
{{{Kat!}}}
If there is ANYTHING I can do for you, you know how to reach me.
Posted by: Christine | March 26, 2005 3:49 PM
I'm so sorry! :( It's always hard to lose a friendship. *HUGS*
Posted by: Kirsi | March 26, 2005 4:11 PM
It is but like I said, it's been a long time coming. It's been over as far I'm concerned months and months ago. This is not the same person she once was.
Posted by: kat | March 26, 2005 5:34 PM
I know. Thank you. I just really need to get cracking on more jewelry, have my yard sale next Saturday and sell off a bunch of stuff. Start saving money anyway that I can. The inevitable is coming and I can't even look for a new roommate until she moves out so I can't "count" on any new persons income at all. It sucks being a planner who can't plan. :(
Posted by: kat | March 26, 2005 5:36 PM
I am sorry that you are having to go through this. It does hurt when you find out that someone isnt who you thought they were. I am the type of person that you can mess with me if you want to but when it involves my kids then you had just better watch out. I wish you the best while you are going through this difficult time. It is hurtful when you thought you have a friend who knows you and you can talk to them when things are going on. You really feel a loss for a time, and then the added financial stress is hard. if you need anything let me know.
suzanne
Posted by: suzanne | March 26, 2005 10:04 PM
I will. Thank you already for your gift the other day. How funny and what timing eh? It is definitely at a needed time. Had it withdrawn and putting it away for when I need it.
And yes, that is the hardest part.
She says to me that maybe we can be friends after she moves out.
Sorry, we weren't friends when she lived here.
I haven't felt like her friend in months and months now so why would I want to try and be friends after?
Posted by: kat | March 26, 2005 10:11 PM
Awww Kat:O( I am so sorry to hear about this. I had to go back and read some entries to get what was going on, but I get it now and I am sorry ;o( Email me anytime girly, I know I haven't been around much, my kids have me so busy these days, not much puter time. Anyway take care and {{{hugs}}}
Posted by: Leslie | March 27, 2005 1:29 AM
It's ok Leslie. I'm alright. At least this time, I have a plan. The time I had to quit working, she was living here with me and so I didn't worry about it much and then when she left, I freaked out, had welfare and disability issues but at least now, I have some sort of warning so that I can try like hell to save for that day when she leaves. The hardest part will be finding a new roommate who can be respectful of my kids sleeping hours during school which we just have about another 2 months to go so it won't be that bad after that.
Posted by: kat | March 27, 2005 9:16 AM
{{{hugs}}} I'm sorry to read about this Kat. Please let me know if I can help.
Seriously.
Posted by: Kate | March 27, 2005 11:18 AM
I'll be ok hun. I have a plan. I will let everyone know how things are going. This really threw me a monkey wrench in my after surgery plans but that's ok. I'd rather not have anyone here than someone who isn't a real friend anyway.:(
Posted by: kat | March 27, 2005 11:22 AM