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« October 2005 | Main | December 2005 »
I had a ton of phone calls to make and I cleaned the house again and did paperwork and researched stuff and all my time went buh bye.
I did play around online for awhile but got bored.
Nothing much else has happened today and if I owe you an email, I will reply to you tomorrow.
Quitting smoking is a bitch by the way.
Just saying.
Later days.
I promise I will reply to everyone tomorrow.
I have just been giddy and bouncing around here all night.
I have some calls to make in the morning but then I will get busy on replying to each and everyone of you who sent me a message.
I totally appreciate all the kind words and support.
You guys rock so much!
*mwah*
I have updated privately and I am working on sending everyone who requested access, the login info.
Please be patient. The phone has been ringing off the hook all afternoon.
I will just say, it's awesome fucking news and you'll see what I mean when you get in there.
Holy crap, I'm like fucking teary...lmao
Really, I can't focus on any coherent thoughts other than oh my god, I need to take a shower and get dressed because at 1:30, I meet the surgeon...lol
It's fucking 8 o'clock in the morning and I'm like ready to go right now.
I just really hope that he can do this. Keeping my fingers crossed that he says ok, let's do it, how's next week sound? Hahaha I know, impossible, but a girl can dream right?
I'm gonna go busy myself some more cuz I'm seriously going nuts sitting here waiting for the clock to tick.
I will update when I get back.
Keep good thoughts for me please.
Later days!
please email me for the new password. I don't keep a notify list for that site so you'll have to email me for it.
I hate to change it but every so often for safetys sake, it has to be done.
Thanks!
Yesterday was such a nice lazy day. I just chilled out all day long and did next to nothing.
We did go take the movies back and get some new ones. Free rentals on the weekends is killer.
I have so much to do but I'm antsy. Tomorrow is almost here!
To-morr-ow!
Ack! I'm so excited I can hardly contain myself.
This could be the day that changes everything for me.
I'm trying so hard not to get my hopes up about it but damn, he's like the best in his field and can actually do what needs to be done.
You don't even know what this feels like right now.
Like hurry up and be Tuesday already. I want to be there and meet him and make plans to be free from pain like right fucking now!
This shit is just so awesome that nothing at all can get me down at all. Nothing.
I'm so happy but trying not to get overly happy cuz I've been let down before and I know that there is always that possibility again, that he'll say there's nothing he can do except give me more drugs, but what if he can? What if he looks at everything and says piece of cake?...lmao
Yeah!
I need to keep myself busy today. I'll probably clean the house like 10 times and actually start a new book, Confessions of Super Mom
Ack!
Ok, gonna get myself busy doing stuff.
Later days.
Going back to bed.
Later days.
We went out tonight. Me and Jimmy and Chelley.
The boys slept over a friends house so I went out to play and meet some new people.
Had a fucking blast!
Holy shit, those people are a damn riot. There were at least 60 people there for just one event.
Fucking awesome. It was slightly overwhelming cuz I'm so used to the small turn outs we've had elsewhere.
Good times man, good times.
And, I let people take my pic...lol
Why is that funny?
Cuz I had a serious issue with it elsewhere but these people were straight shooters, fun and real. No bullshit at all. No cliques, just good, honest, fun, open people.
We made a pit stop before heading home and that was interesting to say the least.
I'll get into that whole fun time privately.
I had a great time tonight despite people trying to bring it/me down. I can laugh about it all cuz that shit, is damn fucking funny right there.
Later days.
I myself am not going shopping today. I loathe most shopping to begin with and so why on this great earth, would I subject myself to stores packed with every single crazy person who absolutely must have the best deal on whatever the hot item of the year is?
I wouldn't!
Instead, I'm having a nice quiet day at home, maybe do yesterdays dishes. No, I will do yesterdays dishes cuz holy schmolies, it's a lot.
I'm still on a good mood high.
I mean that. Like nothing can get to me at this point.
Tuesday, this coming Tuesday, I meet the man who could change my life and nothing and no one can take that joy away from me as hard as they've been trying.
I had a really interesting Thanksgiving eve to say the least and I am waking up every single day with a chuckle because of how stupid some people really are.
I'll blog about it privately cuz it's worth telling this humorous internet tale but not to the general public. Sorry.
Prying, self-important eyes have been on a power trip.
Ok, I'm gonna go do that and then goof off on the net, visit some bloggers and answer some emails and stuff like that.
Later days!
I have so much to be thankful for this year, I can't list them all. There are some big ones like finally meeting a surgeon with the skills and some small ones like finally seeing the truth and allowing it to be free.
I made friends and lost friends but I'm still grateful for their time in my life because every person or situation that has passed through me, was a learning experience. Another way for me to grow and see with clear eyes how things are.
I learned that I am still me no matter how much people tried to change me, that I am better this way, rather than the way they wanted me to be.
I have been through a lot this year and I still came out better in the end. I know who I am, no bullshit, not phony, just me, like me or not.
I hope you all have things to be thankful for, that you all grew in some way this year, that your learning never stops, that your eyes will always be open to new things, new people, new ideas, but still find the ability to be yourself.
Jung says the greatest sin is to be unconscious.
Our boy Holden says "What scares me most is the other guy's face -- it wouldn't be so bad if you could both be blindfolded -- most of the time the faces we face are not the other guys' but our own faces. And it's the worst kind of yellowness to be so scared of yourself you put blindfolds on rather than deal with yourself..." To face ourselves.
That's the hard thing.
**
We all sleep in.
It's not like it used to be. Sebastian used to wake up at the ass crack of dawn no matter what day it was and proceed to make noise until I would get up. Not that he needed me up mind you, just so I would be up. Felt lonely even though he would be off playing with toys or video games. Get up mommy, I'm lonely.
Now, we all sleep in. He's discovered the joys of sleeping till noon when you can.
I didn't get up until 11am today.
That was awesome.
Sure I'm 4 hours off schedule for meds but damn, that rocked especially after the semi-stressful night I had.
Nothing I want to dive into again but let's just say I saw a side of people I didn't like at all.
Last night we watched Shaun of the Dead
The boys were cracking up between going eww gross and yuck. It's a hit. I may have to buy this one for future zombie holiday movie-thons.
I didn't go to bed until sometime around 3:30 or so. I was completely tired but wide awake. I hate that.
Not much going on around here today, just some general housecleaning so it looks halfway decent in here for just the 3 of us for tomorrow...lol
Kinda silly to clean just for us but it's tradition I suppose to clean and decorate.
I love how we do our own thing. We don't dress up, we don't eat at the table. I use these old school lunch trays that Carrie (wonder where she went) sent me last year. The boys get such a kick out of using school lunch trays that are real. The schools use Styrofoam ones that you throw away these days and these are the real old school hard plastic ones. They just love all the little squares and compartments...lol
My kids are whacked but it makes for good times. We'll eat from trays and sit on the couch and watch movies and goof off.
Ok, time to goof off and then start cleaning I suppose. I have emails to answer and comments to leave and search for cool whacked out ecards for my cool whacked out friends who enjoy them.
Later days.
**Sebastian was terrified of the tall singing, dancing Santa at the store yesterday. It was kinda creepy. I think I need one.
That's what my 12 year old kid said when I let him pick out the pie for t-day. Satan pie. Not satin, Satan. He is so my kid....lmao
The store wasn't too bad. Not too busy when we got there but started to get nutty as we were leaving.
Got all the t-day essentials including some movies.
They had a deal, 4 new releases for $12 which is better than the $5 they usually charge.
We got, War of the Worlds cuz it was cool in the theater, Chronicles of Riddick cuz Mark said so, Shaun of the Dead cuz we need zombies on the holiday and Crash cuz everyone said it was an amazing movie.
I wanted land of the Dead but it was out. Oh well.
I let them get a PS2 game too so that they will leave me alone when I watch Crash. I know they won't enjoy that one at all so go away to the game room and leave me alone while I sit and watch a movie by myself.
They should sound better now too cuz sis gave me that surround sound system. It's not bad but I'm sure my neighbors will be wondering what I'm doing in here.
All the windows open, lights off and this blaring laser beam and screaming noises when I watch War of/worlds...lol
Sometimes it's fun to annoy the neighbors.
My doc just called me back mid-post.
Doc Angsten: Allergic to albuterol?
Me: Um, yeah. My face itched and I couldn't breathe within minutes of using it. I tried for 2 whole days and actually made myself sicker. Neighbors wanted to take me to the er but when I didn't use it on Sunday at all, I could breathe. Funny huh?
Doc Angsten: No Kat, not funny. You had an anaphylactic reaction to it. You could have gotten really sick.
Me: Uh, yeah, I noticed the problem and stopped taking it. hahaha.
Doc Angsten: Kat, you are really twisted you know that?
Me: Yeah but you love that about me.
Doc Angsten: We do love that about you. You're the only person I know of who can find humor in not being able to breathe.
Me: hahaha I make the best of stuff. I have to laugh about this medical crap or I'd cry.
Doc Angsten: Well you do a great job of it. The nurses actually fight over who gets to triage you when you come in cuz your chart is widely talked about. They all can't wait to see how you're doing. You have a good thanksgiving and try to stay healthy this week for your surgeon appointment next week would you please?
Me: Yes ma'am. You have a good holiday too. We're having Satan pie.
Doc Angsten: I'm not even going to ask. Bye Kat.
Me: Bye...lol
I've chosen to stay at home and do the t-day stuff here instead of going to a friends house for the weekend. There was going to be this huge party Saturday night but plans got all fuckered up and seeing as that party was one of the main reasons I was going to go, I'll just stay here. Less stress, no mess.
So anyway, I have the honeybaked ham (yum) and a few sides, I realized I can't get away with just ham and some green beans and some stuffing and some au gratin potatoes. I mean, I could, the teens will eat whatever I put in front of them, but they would be disappointed.
So I'm going to the grocery store.
Two days before Thanksgiving.
Am I not suicidal?
I know that this trip will be a challenge. Every blue hair in Sarasota will be at the store today trying to get the last can of cranberry gunk and grabbing for pies and simply because they are old, they will feel entitled to it even if it's in my cart.
Yes I have had old bitties take food right out of my cart before especially when a hurricane is coming. They seem to think they are entitled to my spaghettios.
I'm aiming for simple. One package of rolls, one non-traditional pie and a few household goods I need like soap and cat food.
Easy, fast list.
But it will be a challenge.
I know the people of this town all too well.
They get crazy at holidays. It's like they think it's the end of the world.
There could be 100 packages of rolls on the shelf and they will want the one I just grabbed and started to put in my cart.
The blue hairs seem to know I'm in the store and they seek me out.
Whatever I have is what they need.
I'm gonna hit the video store first though. We have traditions here in our small twisted family. We watch the Macys parade and then eat and then watch some gore filled movies for the rest of the day.
No sappy family oriented movies for us. No way. We go for blood guts and gore.
We eat leftover pizza later in the night and binge on popcorn and cheese balls with crackers.
I must be crazy though attempting the store today. I will take pics though cuz I just know that at some point some old bag will try and abscond with my cheese ball or frozen ice cream pie from my cart.
*I saw Santa at the mall yesterday.
I mean that.
I went out with sis today and we picked up some honeybaked hams for turkey day and some yummy sides, then we went to the mall so she could get her hair done and I wandered around a bit.
Saw the cane I want to walk with. I don't want a traditional medical cane, I want something cool. I found it. It rocks.
I need to go back and get it.
I am telling ya, it was the inhaler. I feel 100% better today. Like I can breathe man. No snot, no fever, just easy going. I think I was allergic.
Need to call the doc about it.
Got a new shower head that pulses and stuff. Weee!...lol
Um, mom, got the card, thank you so much.
Ok, I think that's it.
Later days.
The fever finally broke and I feel so much better.
I have one errand to run today and then it's back to resting and stuff.
I do have some papers to fill out for the doctor but they are really easy so that won't take me long.
Hope everyone has a great Monday.
Later days.
There are multiple duplicate entries. I am having a server error at the moment.
Thanks.
"We have an *eclectic* tradition in the United States... Christians of
various stripes are part of this, as are humanists and agnostics, but
this does not make the United States a Christian nation or even a Judeo-
Christian one. We are a mixed accumulation of our past, and it is the
Christian dogmatists, not the secularists, who are the major threat to
our pluralistic democratic tradition."
[Vern Bullough, "Do We Have a Judeo-
Christian Heritage?" in Free Inquiry]
I mean that in the non-sexual way. Like I'm fucking sick man. I feel like hell. I could use a hand here. I need to do shit around the house and I can't and meals need to be made and I can't. I'm so feverish I swear I have pneumonia now. I hurt like everywhere. It hurts to breathe.
I swear she just gave me those meds to make me quit smoking or some shit. Here, let's make the bitches lungs hurt so bad she won't be able to smoke for 2 weeks and by that time, she'll have gone through withdrawals and be done with it.
I think she was scamming me man.
I was not sick until I started the meds. I had a sniffle but that was it.
Fucking psycho quit smoking people. Oh it's good for you, blah de blah. Fucking bite me asshats!
I really do think the meds were a conspiracy to make me quit. I have never felt so horrible in all my life.
Well wait, there was that one time with the stomach flu from hell that put me in the hospital for a few days but that was different. At least I could still breathe dammit!
The teens are only willing to do so much housework ya know.
Asking for much more may get me left entirely alone. They might just run outside and say screw you mom, you coughing, hacking, wheezing, fevery bitch.
If I had some extra cash today, I'd just order food all day so I didn't have to attempt cooking.
I'm not gonna use the inhaler today and see if that makes a difference. It's either the pills or the inhaler making me feel like I'm dying. Today no inhaler, if that's not it, tomorrow, no pills.
I'll test myself. I'll see why/which one is causing me to have so much trouble on my own.
Knowing my luck, I'm allergic to one of them and actually giving myself walking pneumonia or some shit.
If this keeps up, I'll be in the hospital by thanksgiving.
Ugh.
Someone take me out back and shoot me please.
This shit (viral meds) is doing the exact opposite of what it's supposed to. I was not sick until I started taking it. I am like dying here man.
I have a fever, trouble breathing, holy crap.
I'm only giving this shit one more day and then I'm gonna stop taking it.
I think it's actually making me sicker.
*wheeze*
I will try to answer emails tonight but it may not be possible.
I feel horrible.
The boys are gone to sleep over the neighbors house so I can get some rest.
I don't know how much rest I'm going to get, I'm actually sicker in my lungs now than I was before I started the rounds of antibiotics and albuterol.
I'm actually hearing myself wheeze now. I'm coughing, I'm stuffy.
Dammit. Meds are supposed to make it better, not make you feel worse.
I honestly did not feel sick at all until this afternoon when I got home.
It was like a shock to be told I had a virus in my lungs. I didn't feel sick!
I made myself two chicken breasts in the frying pan for dinner. Eat lots of protein and maybe I'll feel better.
I'm bored to death now.
No kids, the cats are all sleeping. It's too quiet.
I'll have to find something to do before I go crazy.
Shell is home from the hospital and doing much better.
I wish I could go back up to Maine and visit with everyone but it's not possible right now and with the news I got yesterday, (YAY!) it may be awhile before I get to go up.
Someday we'll get back up there. I miss everyone so much and miss hanging out with Shell but I'll get up there again hopefully within the next year.
Ok, I think I just bored myself here so I'm going to go answer emails and then find something else to do.
Later days.
I went for my annual girly exam which is amusing all on it's own, and my second run of labs.
Well, no labs for me today!
It seems that I have a viral lung infection.
Yay me.
So, added to the 3 pill bottles I already take, I now have another one for the infection and oh goody! An inhaler!
I get to inhale Albuterola few times a day now for at least 2 weeks.
Yee fucking haw baby.
I am a walking, talking, live action pharmaceutical now if I wasn't already before!
I-I guess they gave you a couple of strings. Drugs! What'd they give you? Thorzine? Haldol? How much? How much? Know you doses. Know your doses. It's elementary.
But anyway, I fasted for nothing, I'm starving but I wanted to share the amusement of my morning.
What the hell happened to exam gowns?
When the hell did they become half waist paper coats and you lay a piece of paper over the rest of yourself and sit on a damn table for 20 minutes pretty much naked until the doc comes in and then decides to "chit chat" with you?
Doc Angsten: How are you? How's the kids? How is this and that going?
Me: Um, can we just get right to this please?
Ooooh breast exam.
Doc Angsten: Hrm, everything seems ok there.
Me: Yeah, goody, I like my tits, they better be ok.
Doc Angsten:Ok, lay back, scoot down.
No, scoot down some more.
So anyway, what grade are the boys in now?
*click*
Me: Um, Mark is in high school, Sebastian is in middle.
*click*
Doc Angsten: What do they wanna be when they grow up?
Me: Mark wants to be a lawyer, Sebastian hasn't fully decided yet.
Doc Angsten: How long have you been smoking? Are you going to quit for the surgery? We can help. We're all so excited for you on the new date. You're gonna feel this funny little scraping now.
Me: Uh, um, since I was 17. Yes, I'm gonna quit. Doc Goi said he'd help cuz I can't quit cold turkey. Someone may die if I try.
Doc Angsten: Well, when I was listening to your lungs, you're wheezing and you have a fever. You have an infection, it's viral. I'm gonna give you meds for that and and inhaler. Ok, now you're gonna feel my hand, need to check for cysts.
Me: Yay.
Doc Angsten: Can I make a suggestion for quitting smoking? Like do something else instead, like have sex.
Me: ???
Doc Angsten: No you wouldn't be able to have sex as many times a day as you would normally smoke, but it has wonderful calming properties. Your stress would disappear.
Me: ????
Doc Angsten: I know it's not really a good time to be thinking about dating with impending surgery and all, but a boyfriend might be handy to have around.
Me: ??????????
Doc Angsten: Ok, everything feels ok in there. When you said your uterus was tilted down and left, boy, you weren't kidding. Compression of all your organs is going on pretty bad in there. I bet you pee a lot.
Me: Uh, um, uh, yeah.
Doc Angsten: Ok, sit up, get dressed and I'll be back with your new meds. They might make you a bit jumpy. It's a stimulant so you might want to cut down on your caffeine intake too. Don't want you over stimulated and hyper going on a mad cleaning spree and hurt yourself! *laughs hysterically*
Me: Um, yeah, ok.
I get dressed, wait for her to come back with new meds, she explains how to use them and I can leave.
Neighbor picked me up and we went down and paid my phone bill.
Nikki would have loved the hot guy at Verizon. Damn. I should have brought my cam phone in. Like 6'3, dark hair, dark eyes, hot.
Then we ran one of her errands and came home.
I'm so stinking hungry man. Like I could eat a huge steak right now no problem but I'm so hungry and don't want to actually have to cook and wait for something, I'll probably just have cereal or something.
Later days.
This is a field dressing that Mark did today.
The boy in the picture was playing down in the preserve with the boys like they do every single day and he slipped and fell and his hand landed on a very jagged rock.
He was bleeding like crazy and the walk out of the preserve and back home is a long one.
Mark thought quickly and grabbed some leaves and some vines and made a field dressing and stopped the bleeding.
Smart thinking.
Sure, it does look like poison oak but hey, the kid was losing blood and turning pale and Mark needed to help him and get him home so his parents could take him to the er.
He ended up not having to go get stitches after all but it was a nasty deep cut that wouldn't stop bleeding.
Mark called me from his cell phone and said; "Tell his mom, we're coming out. I bandaged him up mom but holy crap, there's a lot of blood."
I'm proud of him for thinking so fast when he saw all that blood. He did a good thing.
I will be up and out early again tomorrow.
I have my second round of labs to do and then yeee haw, every woman's favorite thing to do, the annual pap.
Woot.
Don't we all look forward to that ladies?
Isn't it like the best way to spend your morning?
Click. Click. Click.
I put it off as long as I possibly could.
I insisted that the woman doctor do it and it's because I knew her schedule was booked solid for a long time but dammit all to hell, my doc made her squeeze me in because of all the other shit that's going on with me.
Remind me to give him a fruit basket for Christmas for taking such good care of my health. 
So most of my day tomorrow will once again be spent at my most favorite hated place in the whole world. The docs office.
Yippee fucking kiyee.
In 10 minutes, I can't eat anything until after the exam.
I need to be fasting and I hate fasting unless I choose to do it so I can fit into my old jeans or whatever.
I'm seriously debating eating something right now just because I have been told I can't eat anything after midnight.
I like to fight the man any way I can ya know....lol
I'm not tired either.
I really should be sleeping. It's going to be a long day again, I can just feel it, but I am so not tired and if I take a sleeping pill, I'm not going to be fully functional come morning.
I might just have to put my headphones on and listen to some music until I pass out.
Hopefully it will be earlier than last night.
I was up most of the night thinking about stuff. (What else is knew right?)
Tossed and turned and looked at the clock many, many times.
Oh well.
Ok, I guess I better go try to sleep or maybe I'll stay up and play some more until I get so tired I can barely move.
Later days.
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Joseph Smith, the man accused of kidnapping and killing Carlie Bruscia last February, has been found guilty of kidnapping, sexual battery and murder.
He will be sentenced on November 28th at 9:30 am.
Awesome private entry is up!!!
*
*There's a huge plecostomus inside that skull. He hides in there. We named him Flotsam, I want another one and name him Jetsam. I put some of McD's happy meal Little Mermaid toys in my fish tank so I have a theme going on here...lol
My stress is way up. It will probably stay up until I get my new labs back which I am taking tomorrow.
I am worried but I don't want to admit exactly how worried I am. I just have so much going on right now, I don't need anything else to go wrong.
I have stuff I could do but I can't concentrate. I hate that because this is stuff I need to do.
I should be doing it but I really can't focus at all.
I start it and then get frustrated within seconds because of all the other shit going on.
It's just too much for me right now.
Ugh.
I'll figure something out, some way to get past this stress and worry and do what needs to be done. I need to find my focus and just do it.
Later days.
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My friend Shell from Maine just called me from the hospital. They admitted her yesterday for a severe allergic reaction to medication she was taking for Crohn's disease and it caused pancreatitis.
She's gonna be ok, they may let her out Thursday or Friday depending on how she's doing.
They got her hopped up on morphine and all kinds of other drugs.
Please keep her in your thoughts.
We did have a good chuckle though.
We sound like our moms.
She says; "We're getting old now. We're sitting around talking about our failing body parts with everyone."
Hahah! Yeah we are girl.
Old and sounding like our moms...lmao
Love ya Shell.
I went out and got everything done.
All the bills are paid, papers for docs dropped off, all errands done.
Weee haw!
Now, I just have to go food shopping later in the day.
I'm gonna wait for the boys to get home cuz they like to go.
I make them add it all up as we shop so I don't have to bring a calculator with me plus it keeps them from driving me crazy asking for chips, dip, soda, cookies and whatever else they see that they simply must eat or they will die.
Did you know that if a teen doesn't eat a sub at least once a week it's harmful to their well being?
Mark actually said that to me with a perfectly straight face.
I just laughed at him and said well then I guess that explains your mental instability lately.
I think I need a nap now though.
Or lunch.
I should probably eat. I mean, I ate a banana for breakfast which is better than my usual breakfast of a smoke and diet coke.
Maybe a bagel.
Feh.
Later days.
My neighbor is running around today too so she said she'll give me a ride which is very cool cuz after yesterday, I simply can't walk anymore.
Even with meds refilled, my body is just not up to tasks today.
Oh yeah, I forgot to post it when it happened but now is still good.
On Halloween, a friend who signed up for Blingo under me won a Visa gift card. It wasn't a huge one, just $25, but it came yesterday.
Very very cool.
It's nice to have money show up just when you need it.
Shit got messed up with money this month but that's ok, I manage, I always do.
Not much else going on right now.
I will add to yesterdays private entry later.
I just gave you the gist, not how it's making me feel, I couldn't really express myself well when I posted yesterday and I still had so much to do.
Like now, I need to get ready to leave in an hour. I'm not even dressed.
I just wanted to sleep this morning.
I slept terrible. Had weird dreams all night long. Tossed and turned and finally fell asleep at 3ish and had to be up at 5:30.
While the boys showered, I snoozed and then woke back up at 6:30 in time to sign stuff and make sure they had all their stuff they needed for school.
I really hope once this running around is all over today, I'll be able to sleep tonight.
Then I get a day off from running and then do it again on Friday.
*yuck*
Later days.
My doc appointment was at 8:30 this morning. Do you think I was seen at 8:30?
The answer is no.
And while in waiting room hell, there was this guy who got there at the same time I did and didn't fucking shut his damn mouth once the whole time we were waiting. Two and a half hours I listened that idiot blather on and on and on. I wanted to beam him in the head with my coke bottle to make him shut the fuck up. Everyone was annoyed with him and one woman even told him to give it a rest.
Do you know what he said to us?
Pay me.
He said to pay him a dollar and he would shut up.
Fuck you asshole. Just shut the fuck up I finally said really loudly.
The receptionist just looked at me for a second and then smiled.
I said what everyone was thinking and people laughed and chuckled and said right on.
He shut up.
Then I got called back.
I sat in waiting room hell until 11am then I was finally brought back to an exam room where we played a game of get on the table and off the table.
Then I finally got back downtown to the main bus depot where some teens were fighting amongst each other and people were trying to bum smokes and money from everyone who got off a bus.
The teens who were fighting didn't want to leave. They apparently needed to catch a bus to get home but the security guards were having no part of that. One of the guards, the asshole on the left, actually shoved one of the teens several times.
They are not allowed to touch people. They can ask you to leave the depot and if you refuse, they have to call the police. But this asshat shoved a minor 4 times in my presence.
I reminded him he can't touch people and a minor at that.
He asked me to put my camera phone down.
I said no, I have a right to take pictures of anything I want. Call the cops on me if you'd like, I'll tell them what you did to that teen.
As much as that teen was being a dick, the guard had no legal right to touch him.
He walked away from me. Must have known I wasn't bullshitting about reporting him for what he did.
Then my bus came and I was the only one who got on. It was sweet. All mine...lol
As we were heading down the road and stopped at a red light, these two Ringling art students were sitting on a bench painting pictures of the old SS administration building which is undergoing reconstruction.
We got down 41 to the SRQ heart surgery center and stopped at a red light.
I took a mirror shot cuz it was just kinda cool.
I finally made it home around 2:30. I never even made it to my other appointments but luckily, those are just walk-in appointments.
I can go tomorrow.
I do love my doc though. He takes good care of me. He's concerned about some stuff right now and I'll post that privately in a little bit.
He got my lab results back and while most of it was good, there are a few problems.
You'll have to go there to read it.
I'm tired but I need to go to the store and stuff. Just taking a small break for now.
Later days.
Doc appointment and then a few other appointments.
Busy, busy, busy.
I will have to do updates later.
Right now, just waiting for the teens to get done with showers so I can get in there and then get ready to go.
Ugh.
So tired.
I had weird dreams all night. Slept like crap.
Later days.
I hate it when people don't do what they should have done.
Hey, psst, do your job please and thanks.
I have to go run some errands today, sis is gonna give me a ride. Need to drop off the stupid paperwork and pay the water bill.
She's also got a new cable cord thingy for me that I need and some dishes and stuff.
I'm sure there's more that I'm doing, I just can't pull it all up at the moment.
I have my doc appointment tomorrow. That should be fun.
Poke. Prod. Poke. Stretch. Poke poke poke.
Hopefully they will have news though.
Later days.
The boys and I love watching Desperate Housewives together. They get such a kick out of this show.
So we're sitting here watching it tonight and George the pharmacist is a total nutjob man.
I mean, we knew that when he killed Rex by switching his heart meds but tonight, oh my...lmao
He is pissed at the psychiatrist for telling Bree to slow down on the whole marriage proposal so he's riding his bike and stops on the bridge,
Just jokingly, I said; "watch boys, he's gonna toss Dr. Goldfine off the bridge."
And then he did!
We all sat here slack jawed for a second and then busted out laughing.
That was too damn funny.
I love the wackos on this show.
I almost got it all done and then lost my get up and go.
Oh well. There's always tomorrow to get the last of it done.
The paperwork is what did me in for sure.
Boring, draining, mind numbing crap.
I got this wacky phone call from this wacky lady about some kid who she thinks is one of my sons in the middle of the road throwing grapefruits at cars and stuff.
She kept going on and on and on. I couldn't get a word in at all until I finally just blurted out, "Both of my sons are right here with me watching movies!"
Oh, she says. Someone said he was your child. Well come on over, you can see both my sons sitting here.
Wrong kid lady.
I hate some of the punks in this hood. They will lie about who they are so they don't get in trouble.
I think I know who it is too.
His name is Matthew, same height and coloring as Sebastian, always in trouble. His parents never even know where he is half the time.
4 times this week, his dad has come pounding on my door at 7 pm at night because they can't find him.
Little crap head.
1. Take out trash.
2. Fix headboard.
3. Finish all the paper work.
4. Set up dvd/surround sound system.
5. Clean bathroom.945am
6. Vacuum.
7. Finish dishes.9am
8. Dust.945am
9. Straighten rooms.9am
10. Get ready for Grif's party. Cancelled.
I made a list.
I fully intended on sticking to it but ya know how that goes.
Phone call, IM, and before you know it, it's late in the day and you haven't done shit.
I did set up the surround sound system though.
Tried it out too by watching The Devil's Rejects (Unrated Widescreen Edition)
Completely depraved lunacy but not nearly gorey enough.
I truly expected far more gore and far more torture etc etc.
It was good, don't get me wrong but I guess I was just craving more blood than this tonight...lol
I'm sure I'll watch it again a few more times before I have to take it back but just not scary enough, not bloody enough, not what's the word, not nearly as disturbing as i wanted.
I wanted horror, shock, terror, torture, blood, guts and total mayhem.
*sigh*
Oh fucking well.
Someday, a director will once again create something that will shock and horrify me.
I honestly haven't seen anything to make me cringe in ages.
Bits and pieces of movies do, like stir of echoes, the fingernail scene, yeah, that was hard to look at but all in all, shitty fucking movie.
I totally dug SAW. Creepy, thrilling, bloody, twisted, but still, not quite messy enough.
I want to go see SAW II soon but no one ever fucking wants to go to bloody movies with me.
Fucking pussies.
I swear, most of my friends are major wussies when it comes to blood.
Me? I sit and laugh. It's just good fun to see some demented killer torture people for 2 hours.
I'm bored again and achy so I can't sit here all night and play online and chat like I want to so I guess I could watch Star Wars III again.
The boys borrowed it off a neighbor and it could be fun to watch it again.
I do love me some Darth Vader.
Oh wait, I did get one thing done today and oh my god, it's so late, but I did priority mail out something i should have mailed in October.
OOps.
I have been so busy trying to get my health taken care of, my brain crapped out on me about 2 months ago with stuff I was supposed to do.
I don't blame people if they are mad at me, I fucked up.
Shit happens but I do have a very valid excuse and no one can truly knock me down for doing what I need to do for myself right?
Right?
Right.
Ok, I guess I'm gonna go chill out again and lay around and watch movies and maybe I will get the shit on my list done tomorrow.
No guarantees though.
I'm seriously slacking off on stuff due to brain fry.
Later days.
1. Take out trash.
2. Fix headboard.
3. Finish all the paper work.
4. Set up dvd/surround sound system.
5. Clean bathroom.
6. Vacuum.
7. Finish dishes.
8. Dust
9. Straighten rooms.
10. Get ready for Grif's party. Cancelled.
I got everything done that I needed to get done and then some.
We all went to lunch at Chilis with my sis and then shopping for food, haircuts for the boys cuz they were looking shaggy again.
Their hair grows like mine, too damn fast.
Sis gave me here dvd player/surround sound system.
I'm gonna love it as soon as I hook it up man.
It'll be cool.
Got my friend Nikki's son his birthday presents for tomorrow.
I know she said not to but I hate showing up empty handed.
Got him some more school supplies and a mini RC car.
He's 7, he'll be happy with that.
I'm so tired now.
I need a nap.
Oh, the kids took my sis and I down the end of the street where they like to play in this place called Red Bug. It's like some sort of preserve or something.
They have been playing with a ton of other kids in this big open grate thingy and they kept hearing something in it. Something that growls.
So sis climbed down in there with them to check it out cuz you know how kids are, tall tales all the time.
She hollered into the dark tunnel and what she heard come back scared her enough to make her run.
She said she heard something make a deep growl and then splashing and then sounded like it was running towards the opening.
She booked it out of there with the kids in tow after her...lol
Hahah!
Silly neighborhood kids are gonna get themselves hurt they keep playing in there.
Mine included.
We have had gators on our street before.
I wouldn't be surprised if it was a gator living in there or a really big coon.
I'll post the pic of them in it after she emails it to me.
Kinda cool place to play like what we used to do when we were kids.
Ok, really tired, need to rest and stuff.
Later days.
Last night I got a super fast, meaning can you be ready in 10 minutes, invite to go to the Asolo theater to see a play on it's preview night. Sure I said, and got ready super fast.
The play was hysterical. Very funny and I love it when I recognize places mentioned.
It was about summer stock theaters and they mentioned all these little theaters in Ogunquit and Kennebunkport and York etc etc. The stock theater they were talking about was based in New Hampshire but I know that really well too. It was cool.
My friend who works there and invited me to join her last night is from Kentucky and so when I was laughing about knowing all those places, she says with this country drawl; "that's so darn small world!"
Hahah! She has this crazy country laugh. Oh my god, I was laughing at her laughing.
It was a good time anyway and anytime I want to go to a play, she's like just gimme a call, we get free tickets y'all. LOL!
But anyway, bad luck abounds today. It's just shit and shit I can sorta deal with. Sorta.
Ugh.
Later days.
It's my moms birthday, everyone say happy birthday mom!
No, I'm not gonna tell you how old she is, that's just rude.
I went to burn a new mp3 disc cuz I have a gazillion errands to run tomorrow and needed a new mix to listen to, so I go into the other pc room (that pc is where I store all the mp3s) and get busy picking songs from the over 4,000 or so I have on there. It's quite a chore I tell ya. That many songs, find as many as 280 I want to burn to a disc.
So anyway, I'm almost done, I have like 3 more songs to pick when all of a sudden, click.
The whole damn computer shut off!!
Oh my god!
No!!!!!!!!!!!
Ugh.
So i had to start all over.
Something that normally takes me 30 minutes to pick and burn, took me an hour.
Grrr.
I hate that damn pc.
It's power cord is so sensitive.
One slight bump to the desk, and I do mean slight, the whole damn thing shuts down.
So frustrating sometimes.
Oh well.
I just heard the burner beep so it better be done or I may gouge my eyes out if I have to do it again.
Later days.
This is kitten Shahiro and this is her very favorite place in the whole world.
On my lap as I'm on line.
It makes it near impossible to type as she stretches out and gets in my way.
I'm glad she loves me but damn, find a new napping spot kitty...lol
So if I don't get back to your emails right away, my apologies.
Later days.
Woo hoo! Yee fucking haw and all that happy shit!!!
I played with my cell phone, actually read the manual and then did all the stuff that it was in it.
Neat features man.
And while I was goofing off, the top up card for minutes
It said it expired in Dec.'04 but I tried it anyway and it worked. No problem.
Ha! Money not wasted is a very cool thing indeed.
Then I talked to Jenni for a bit about her stuffs and Elvis.
Yeah, we get off track and talk goofy stuff like our visits to Graceland.
She went during the day, I went at like 3am when we couldn't get in the place but it was still kinda cool. We (Shell and I) talked to some security guard and took pics of the writings and the gate. Fun.
Then I did like nothing else.
I need a nap though. All day doing much of nothing and I still need a nap. Damn meds make me so damn tired all the time.
Oh well.
Later days.
He is the man accused of grabbing Carlie Bruscia outside a car wash February first of last year and kidnapping, raping and then strangling her.
The evidence is clearly against him from the video tape from the car wash surveillance camera, semen stains, a phone call he made to a family member after being arrested for a traffic or probation violation where he confessed what he had done and where to find her body.
His lawyer says none of the other leads or suspects were ever checked out.
Well um, when you get a call from a family member telling you where the body is and you go and it's there, and you take stain samples and they match the suspects DNA, why the flying fuck would you look at anybody else? Plus, add to just that little bit, there were many many phone calls from people who recognized Smith in the videotape as being an employee of an auto mechanic station or a neighbor. It wasn't just one person saying it was him, it was many.
I know it's the defense attorneys job but good lord, the evidence is all there.
Information taken from WWSB.com
Day one in the Joseph Smith trialOn day one of the Joseph Smith murder trial, prosecutors and defense attorneys began to lie out their cases for and against the man accused of killing 11-year-old Carlie Brucia.
Prosecutors say they have an overwhelming case against Smith. In an opening statement in Sarasota Monday, a prosecutor said Joseph Smith raped and strangled Carlie. Prosecutor Debra Riva says Smith told relatives where to find the girl's body. Officials say the body had Smith's DNA on it. Riva says, "Carlie's body will tell you the rest of the story." Riva said the girl's decomposed body was clad in a red shirt pushed up over her chest and that she was naked from the waist down. The prosecutor said marks on her wrists suggested they had been restrained and that Smith had strangled her from behind.
Riva also told jurors how investigators discovered the 10-second videotape as they retraced the route Carlie would have taken home from a friend's house and how it was used to link Smith to her abduction. Carlie's body was found four nights later on the grounds of a nearby church.
Smith's attorney, Adam Tebrugge is raising questions about DNA evidence prosecutors say prove Smith raped and strangled Carlie. Tebrugge told jurors that investigators got the names of numerous suspects after the videotape was shown. He said one man lived at the friend's house where Carlie had spent the previous night. But even though the man had told investigators he had discussed sexual topics with Carlie, Tebrugge says Smith became their primary suspect almost immediately.
After opening statements, the prosecution began calling their witnesses. Among the 5 witnesses called Monday were Carlie’s stepfather Steve Kansler and the co-owner of Evie’s Car Wash, Mike Evanoff. Evie’s Car Wash is where authorities obtained the surveillance video of Carlie’s abduction.
Carlie’s abduction was caught by a security camera on February first of last year.
Smith is charged with first-degree murder, kidnapping and capital sexual battery. He has pleaded innocent. He could be sentenced to death if he's convicted.
I have a ton of phone calls to make today and paperwork to fill out.
Ugh.
I went back to bed after the boys left for school and now that places are actually open, I need to get cracking on all those calls.
Not looking forward to it, but they must be done.
But I figured I'd at least do a meme before I get so busy and confused with calls that I get a headache and then decide to nap after I'm done with all of it.
Later days.
60 very random, somewhat odd questions..............................
1) Who is the biggest dumbass you know?
Lots of people.
2) What is your favorite kind of cheese?
sharp cheddar
3) What county were you born in?
US
4) Automatic or Manual?
Auto
5) Does tequila make your clothes fall off?
Not totally off but that's why I don't drink...lol
6) What is the biggest piece of furniture you own?
My hutch and dresser. Same size
7) Have you ever licked the cheese off a Dorito & not eaten it?
No. Do people do that?
8) What song would you like to be listening to right now?
I don't know. My brain is a jumble of phone numbers.
9) Innie or outie?
In
10) What's the name of the last movie(s) you rented?
I honestly don't remember. Couldn't have been that good.
11) Do you know anyone you would like to get in trouble in one way or another, or play a prank on as long as you were never found out?
Yes but I'm not telling.
12) If so, what would you do?
Depends on the person and subject.
13) Are you a tactful person?
No. I'm accused often of being far too blunt and honest for my own good.
14) Have you ever told someone they didn't look bad when they asked when they actually did look bad?
Yeah
15) Do you question the norm?
If I think it should be questioned.
16) Do you like to pop other peoples zits?
Only if it's a really big zit...lol
17) Are you guilty of handing out unsolicited advice?
Sometimes. But mostly, I bite my tongue.
18) Do you prefer to give or receive presents?
Give - what goes around, comes around.
19) Have you ever ridden a horse?
Yes.
20) Do you own a deep fat fryer (like a fry-daddy)?
No but I'd like to.
21) Do you like the smell of Ketchup?
Yes, mmm vinegary.
22) Have you ever re-gifted anyone?
Yes
23) Have you ever smoked Pot?
Yes.
24) Are you an impulsive person?
Yes, well, no, well, yes.
25) Have you ever committed a Random Act Of Kindness?
Sometimes.
26) How many pairs of shoes do you own?
5. Running shoes, sandals, combat boots, 5 inch tall, suede shoes I can't wear anymore (sniff), 3inch tall black chunks I can't wear anymore (sniff), brown dress shoes.
27) Do you read shampoo bottle & etc. in the shower or bathtub?
No. I read them at the store before I buy them.
28) Does it bother you when someone you know, other than your family members, feels free to just walk in your house without knocking?
Yes, very much.
29) Do you know anyone who has the uncanny ability to be able to (accurately) finish your sentences?
Yes.
30) Give me another word for penis?
cock
31) Give me another word for vagina?
hooha
32) If you could own your own company or business, what kind would it be?
I do.
33) How many pets do you have?
4 cats, 4 fish.
34) Have you ever had a "Fling"?
Uhh, yeah. Won't do it again.
35) Nachos or Pretzels?
Nachos with cheese and sour cream.
36) Do you think Brad & Angelina will last?
Who the fuck cares
37) Do you care?
See ..36
38) Who makes you laugh the most?
Funny people.
39) Do you consider yourself a beautiful person on the inside?
Yes.
40) Do think Michael Jackson is a freak or just misunderstood?
No, he's a freak.
41) If you could be on any reality show, which one would it be?
I don't. I think reality shows suck ass.
42) Do you like lightening bugs?
Sure, why not
43) Have you ever had sex on a trampoline?
No.
44) Have you ever had to have an enema?
I don't remember but I'm sure I have with the various surgeries I've had. (Can't leave the hospital till you pass gas ma'am)
45) Have you ever gotten an autograph from a professional athlete?
Yes. Some Cincinnati Reds player.
46) Who is the biggest slut you know (male or female)?
Pleading the 5th on that one
47) When I say the word ASSWIPE, who comes to mind?
Hahahah! Too many to list here.
48) Have you ever let someone have something that was very special to you because they needed it more?
Yes.
49) Can you sing well?
I used to.
50) How many time a day do you poop?
Depends on how sick I am at the time. Normally, one.
51) What is your favorite website?
Ogrish.com
52) Do you consider yourself an addict of any kind?
Yes. Cigs and booze. Don't drink anymore but I still love it.
53) If your closest friends companion came on to you would you tell your friend?
Depends. I would tell the person off really good first and if he became a major dick about it, hell fucking yeah I would.
54) What is your favorite song to make fun of?
Anything by boy bands.
55) Do you laugh a lot?
Not as much as I would like to.
56) Do you cry a lot?
No.
57) Have you ever saved anyone's life?
Yes.
58) What is your favorite thing to do to relax?
Lay on my couch with a good movie and fall asleep...lol
59) Do you ever count sheep?
No, I think about people and things and stuff and I think too much. Could be why I don't sleep well huh? ;)
60) Did you enjoy this survey?
It was alright.
The yard sale was a complete bust. That's ok. I don't really care.
Just not a good day for it and I knew that the minute I woke up.
No worries.
But, I unclogged the tub.
I will surely pay for this momentary let's pretend we're a plumber move tomorrow, but today, today we have drainage!
The tub has been so clogged all week long that it has been taking a minimum of 8 hours to drain.
I wasted money on Draino.
Sure did.
It didn't move that clog at all so I got in the tub on my hands and knees with my trusty ratchet screwdriver and took the whole drainage assembly apart. Never did that before but I figured it's a few screws and a simple twisting motion to get the assembly back in so what the hell.
I took it all apart and then stuffed a tube sock down the overflow valve to keep the air pressure in.
Then I got up, grabbed the trusty plunger and began plunging the living daylights out of the drain.
What came up was a black soot like substance and some hair (mine of course) and so I kept going.
I plunged till I couldn't feel my damn shoulders any longer and my arms felt like rubber.
Then I stopped and watched.
It bubbled, gurgled and then lo and behold!
The water started spinning faster and faster down the drain!
Then, to make sure this was truly going to be the end, I grabbed my entire brand new box of baking soda and borrowed the neighbors brand new bottle of vinegar.
I dumped the whole box of baking soda down the drain and around it and slowly began pouring the vinegar in it.
It sizzled and popped and swished and spat and went down like a champ.
Then I ran the hot water for 10 minutes and the tub filled slightly.
Oh crap I thought, it's still clogged.
But nope, as soon as I shut the water off, the bubbling and gurgling started again and the water went down in a flash.
Yay me.
Then I put the assembly back together and stuffed the tube sock back in around it.
Ya know, just in case I have to plunge it again sometime, I won't have to take the assembly apart again.
I'm ahead of the game now man. The tub is never going to do this shit to me again.
The water will go down or there will be hell to pay with me and my trusty $1.99 Ace Hardware plunger I bought 8 years ago. Oh yes there will.
Then I ran the hot water again to the point of scalding, it filled a little bit again and when I shut it off, it went down so damn fast that it looked as though it was being sucked out.
Yay me!
I fixed the tub!
Now, I can take a shower and just chill out for the rest of the night with some turkey dinner made by my neighbors, some good tv with some Desperate Housewives and maybe some chat if I feel like it.
Remind me to post the chat transcript from yesterday that I got.
That was kinda odd.
I'll post it privately though.
It's not for every ones eyes.
Later days.
the kids and the neighbors decided we were having a yard sale.
I woke up to all my yard sale stuff going out the door.
So it's all out there, the kids are leaving to go off with big brothers and now I'm stuck doing a yard sale that i didn't want to do.
Ugh.
It's just a bad day to do it.
Like no one is around on Sundays. Oh well. The boys can drag it all back in when they get home.
I have the blinds up so I can see if anyone is coming but so far, nope. Just a bad day. Kind of overcast but hot as hell.
Muggy. Yuck.
I'm starving too. But I have nothing super easy to cook and eat.
Oh well.
Later days.
Went to Howl at the Moon in Channelside. It's a dueling piano bar but we spent more time outside in the like little hallway drinking/smoking area than in the bar itself.
I so love being sober man.
I love watching everyone else get fucked up and do shit they wouldn't normally do good or bad.
It's interesting just watching people.
Had some good laughs and hung out with cool people.
Didn't end up getting home until almost 6:30 this morning though.
It's cool.
We just hung at a friends house and talked there for awhile and then headed the long drive home. Missed our exit, ended up in Osprey, had to back track up 41.
It was fun though. Had a good long talk with a cool friend who's gonna give me some work to do for him at home via computer. Make good money doing shit for his company.
He was kind enough to get me back home cuz I really couldn't sleep where the party was at.
My back was fried already from hard seats and benches all night long.
Got like no sleep but fun was had and now I'm gonna stay home for a few weeks and just chill.
I don't need to go out all the time. It's nice to go stay out all night sometimes and just have fun but I don't need to.
Plus, I have like high moral standards man.
I'll post privately about that later tonight after I get some food in me and some rest.
Below are pics of Nikki and Buddha. Two of the coolest people ever to hang with.
Nikki is my sober partner in crime. It's cool having a sober friend to do shit with man. And she's fucking crazy to boot.
And Buddha, well, he's just the man. He rocks, parties hard, plays harder and watches out for all of us.
Later days.
I got some minutes for the new camera phone today and decided to play around with the camera.
Hee hee.
Kali does like Shahiro but Shahiro is a pain in the ass.
She's always attacking Kali and trying to kick her ass.
As you can see, Kali is not amused at all.
Click for bigger.
This will be fun tonight. I can take pics of the goofy people I hang out with now...lol
wrote out this entry and for some reason, I kept getting massive html errors when I went to publish so I took it as fate and deleted it.
Shut up, I can too say it's fate and still be an atheist.
But the general gist of it, (gonna try again cuz I really need to say this) is that I do put out a lot of information on my blog(s) and I have no problem sharing with parts of my life with people but I do have an issue with people who take my life and use it to gain something.
Like for example, people who take what I post here and then dissect it so they can find fault with me or, people who take what I have written and use it to try and weasel their way into my life. Like they think they are in the "know" about me and look, I have something I can talk to Kat about and maybe she'll be my friend.
That's not how this works.
If you have something to say about what I wrote, post a comment here, do not take your comment and bring it someplace I've never talked about that issue. Do not bring it up in a PM system on a message board or another site.
You want to email me privately about it? Go ahead but don't feel like you're in the know about me, don't feel like knowing some small tidbit of my life is somehow gonna make us buddies. It won't.
There are very few people I trust and very few people I call real friends and those few people have access to a much more private blog but I still don't go crazy and post like everything I do or say or have done etc. I'm very guarded on some issues. I never used to be but I slowly learned over the last few years of blogging that there are people who just feel like they have a right to information and they don't.
Blogging is this catch 22.
I love to write and share things with people and find a common ground and make new friends but it can seriously fuck you over too.
So anyway, don't feel like you really know me cuz I let something slip the other day about a lunch date. Don't feel like you can use that to start a conversation with me thinking you have an in because you read that. You don't.
These are snippets of me and not a full picture and you have to earn my trust and friendship. It's not just given to everyone who stops by here and reads my blog.
I have to go drop stuff off, pick stuff up, go to wal*mart and get some stuff, come back, do the dishes, make some food, shower, change, be ready for Nikki to arrive, feed the kids, give the neighbors my number where I can be reached and head out to try and have some fun.
I'll be coming home after and depending on if the kids want to stay where they'll be at or come home, I'm gonna go to sleep.
I shouldn't even really be going out at all. I do too much and then suffer for it for days.
The little bit I did this week has me in agony but stuff needs to get done.
Oh well.
So if I'm not around, don't worry, just busy.
Later days.
I absolutely love lollipops.
Blow charms are my fave.
I love the gum in the middle cuz it's not really gum, it's like some sort of rubbery sweet sticky thing but it dissolves so it's not real gum.
But anyway, I love these things and the teens got mega pops for trick or treating and so to stop myself from smoking too much and to attempt to stay away from the snickers, (mmm, snickers) I ate two of these this morning. Not within minutes of each other, like maybe an hour apart.
But now, because my diabetes likes to completely fuck with the simple joys, I now have a mega sugar headache. My vision is blurry, (thank you spell checker) and my hands are shaking and I feel like I'm gonna vomit.
It's just not fair man.
ICDsoft now offers at cron jobs at no extra charge.
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Thanks for the heads up Jenni.
So I'm up and I have this killer migraine and feeling achy cuz I slept kinda funny.
Part one is a draft. I was venting and as much as I wanted to click post, I didn't. I saved it as a draft. I got it out of me and that is what I needed. No stress is allowed to stay inside anymore.
It must be purged, so like if I die on the table when I get my surgery done, Jenni, do me a favor and come back here and go to master edit, hit all entries saved as drafts and then publish them all.
Heh.
There's not many but the ones that are there are so honest it's fucking sick and someday, the truth will be known about everything but for now, I'm a stand up girl, I'm taking the heat for shit other people did and I'm ok with that, for now.
Ok, need to go get cigs in the worst way, try to kill this migraine and get some housework done if I can make my migraine go away.
Later days.
And then I deleted it because feh, what the fuck ever. I'm so sick of allowing myself to be hurt, upset, used and worried by others all the damn time.
Fuck it. Do whatever the fuck y'all want.
I'm going to rest and take care of me and stop giving a rats ass about stupid shit.
By tomorrow, I might be free to let you all in on what I'm blabbering about these last few days but until then, I'll hold my tongue and continue to be me.
Honest, loyal, devoted and trustworthy, blunt, sincere, and abrasive.
Deal with it.
I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not.
I am so tired. Physically, emotionally, wiped out.
I have so much I want to say but ya know, people take things personally even if it's not about them at all. They don't know what is really going on with me yet they take my words as being aimed solely at them and ok, ok, you do that but man oh man, this blog sees a lot of people and some good, some bad, some nice and some not and I can't be responsible for how other people read my stuff anymore.
I do have other people and other things going on in my life and I say what I think at the time I'm thinking it. Whether it be a good mood or a bad mood, I say what I'm thinking.
Honesty, it seems, is not really what people want to hear. They say they want you to be honest, be real, be who you are and when you do all those things, oh dear god no, she did not just say that did she?..lol
Damn, I'm tired. I'm so tired I'm getting loopy now.
I could go off on a tangent or just get all goofy stupid and say how absolutely silly everything has been for the last few days, and oh some of it has been really really silly, and some of it has been serious too.
But instead, I'll just go get some much needed rest. The last two days have been nothing but running around and tons of unneeded stress and crap.
Oh, and if you think this is about you, you're probably wrong.
And oh, my lunch date/mess/thingy was good. We had a great time, caught up on old stuff and talked about old stuff and new stuff and talked shit and laughed and got serious and all in all, it was a good visit.
And if you think that we talked shit about you at lunch, you might be right but nah, you're wrong...lmao
I'm off.
I have things to do today and need to go get them done.
Later days.
No one said that being responsible and honest and making amends was going to be a breeze but when you are wrong, you are wrong and you just have to take the heat for what you have done.
I wrote something quite awhile ago that I am now taking heat for. That's ok.
See, some people when they read it, confronted me right away but others let it fester and stewed over it for like at least a month now. That's on them, not on me. But it's ok, I am taking what I have coming.
I did apologize though because I did hurt some people and I am genuinely sorry for what I said, I was angry and vented and it hurt people. I am taking what I have coming to me. I deserve the heat.
But what bothers me right now is that someone else will still not take what they have coming to them. They did a bad bad thing and instead of saying ok, I fucked up, you can be pissed at me, I am sorry, I was wrong, they ran away like a coward for the second, no, make that at least the third time now.
Taking what you have coming is not pleasing people, it's taking responsibility for your actions, your words, you part in a very fucked up thing.
You have it coming and you should just take it. You should apologize and confess to what you did just as I did.
But ok, be that way. I'd rather take what I have coming, apologize and try to make amends to the people I hurt rather than run away.
