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I am up and down off and on. I am hurting and have cramps and just super tired or some unknown reason.
I am not sick, no fever, just wiped out and stuff.
I'll be back when I feel better. Just don't want mom and dad to worry about me not posting.
Later days.
Oooh, Lost was good tonight.
Now, if they can just keep giving us new episodes instead of repeats for weeks on end it would be nice.
I like the actor who is playing Henry/not really Henry.
He's been in a few really twisted movies and always plays some weirdo/psycho guy.
I don't think I've ever seen him in a normal role at all.
Can't wait to see how this all turns out and what about Hurley next week??!! Eeek!!!
I'm doing a little better, heading to bed here really soon.
I got the ring I ordered today. It is awesome. Looks so much nicer in person. Very shiny and fits perfect.
Shhh, I got Shell a gift too. ;)
She sent me the tree to my house, sent me flowers in the hospital when she was here and I was mostly comatose, she brought me a cool t-shirt and some fudge...lol Plus, she's been like my best friend for way over 15 years now.
The site may sell the stuff super cheap but it is excellent quality. I am a sterling fanatic and this stuff is really good. They can't possibly keep selling at these low prices forever, I can't imagine they are making a huge profit if at all right now, but until they go to regular prices, I'm gonna snatch up as much of this stuff as I can...lol
Ok, I need to take my night meds and head to bed.
Mark is at Mikeys tonight and so it's just me and Sebastian. I need to get him all tucked in before I can go to sleep or I won't sleep.
Later days.
I'm having a rough back day. I must have slept wrong because my hips are killing me this morning.
Mikey slept over last night and brought King Kong
Due to all my pre-surgery testing and blood donations etc, I was never able to see this movie in theaters or a whole lot of others for that matter.
It was pretty good.
Good effects and stuff.
Not bad.
I still like the original 1933 version better though
I really hate how Hollywood has run out of ideas and has to remake all the old classics and even some not so old horror movies. Sure, we can do more now visually but the cheese factor is what makes some of those classics well, classic.
Ok, I'm headed back to bed to try and work out this pain. Me, my heating pad and my book will may be back later today.
Later days.
My visit with Jimmy was really good. He was here from about 9am until 3pm. It was just so nice to see him.
The boys are on spring break so he shows up with 2 dozen Dunkin Donuts for them and some chocolate milk.
He gave Mark a ride to the store for some much needed Drano for the bathroom sink.
We talked about so much stuff, how both our lives were going since new years and our friends we miss.
It was funny, Chelley called while he was here, Ian texted and apologized for not being able to make it so it was sort of a reunion....lol
I was so tired after he left that I went to lay down and pretty much stayed there until almost 7pm.
I got up to make sure the boys ate and watched a little tv and then was back in bed by 10pm.
It was a very good day and little things made me smile but I'll post about those privately.
Later days.
The Miami Project to Cure Paralysis involving a petition to help get a stem cell research initiative on the Florida Ballot. You have to be a registered Florida voter to do it though.
Here is the link to the petition: The Miami Project pdf form
Also, have your friends and family (if they live in Florida) fill one out and send it in.
(only 1 per person cause it is a misdemeanor to sign your name and info on more than that)
Please do this. It could help all people with spinal cord issues and other diseases such as MS. Stem cell research could save peoples lives.
Thanks.
I have been trying to finish this book I started reading before surgery, The Last Juror
She walks right up to the book on my table and grabs the edge of the bookmark with her teeth and then slides it out of the book and runs away with it.
I have tried using different bookmarks but she still does the same thing.
Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to not recall your exact place in a book and have to read a few pages to try and find it again?
Damn cat.
This is the first time the boys have both not been home all night since I came home from the hospital.
It feels very strange being completely alone.
I can't sleep either. I'm not in pain, just apparently getting right back into my old insomnia routine.
The earrings I got my sister fom Silver Jewelry Club, came today. They were gorgeous! Wanna see?
It's a good thing I don't have a credit card. I would be buying stuff all day long.
I bought her those, bought myself the ring I posted yesterday, and about a half hour ago, I bought my mom a birthstone pendant with a chain!
I'm so happy they take paypal and when my money is gone, that's it, my shopping joy is over.
I could get seriously addicted to buying like everything they have.
It's good quality stuff. Has anyone else bought anything from them yet?
What did you think of it? Are you hooked on the site yet like I am?...lmao
Later days.
They went to babysit my nieces and play WoW at my sisters house.
I'm bored.
Nothing on tv and I've watched all my movies.
Hrm.
I could just go to bed super early and get lots of sleep.
Nah.
I'll find something to do.
Later days.
I said I would be back and never came back...lol
I just got wrapped up in a book I am reading and comfortable. Then I napped and then just spent the night hanging with the boys. It was nice. I'm doing pretty good pain wise.
I am having some friends come over on Monday morning.
Jimmy and Ian, whom I haven't seen since we all went out on New Years eve, are coming over.
Jimmy had come to see me while I was in the hospital but I was sleeping and then another time he was going to come, I told him no because I felt so awful.
I can't wait to see them. Hopefully they will go pick up Chelley too. We can have a little reunion...lol
Jimmy wants to see my scar in person. I have no problem showing it. I showed one of my neighbors who came over the other day to change some light bulbs for me. Like 3 rooms blew out a once. That sucked. But he was like, what does it look like so I lifted my shirt and showed him. I think people are amazed at how long it is.
I do miss my friends though so this will be cool. I can't wait to see them so I'm going to be extra good all weekend so I can tolerate sitting in my chair for a visit and not get too tired and need a nap.
My blog daddy, Solonor, finally has his album available for purchase and download.
You can get it by clicking the pic to get to his site.
He even has clips so you can try before you buy!
I have heard him perform, he sent me a demo last year, he's excellent, check him out!
The last thing to put back on was my toe ring.
Now being unable to bend at the waist, I cannot reach my toes at all. (I so need a pedicure man)
This left this task to one of my kids who have been amazing through this whole thing so far.
Sebastian stepped up to the plate and put my toe ring back on for me but not before he almost broke my toe because instead of listening to me tell him it can be opened and closed, he was half-assed watching tv and trying to wriggle this thing on my foot.
He got it on though and I feel much more complete now with all my piercings and regular jewelry back on.
Speaking of jewelry, I found the most awesome looking ring on Silver Jewelry Club last night.
To me, it looks like a spinal column. It says it's armadillo style but really, it looks like a spine to me. The fact that it is solid, goes all the way around unbroken, reminds me of my spine, fused permanently now and solid, I had to get it and c'mon, at just $5.99, I couldn't pass it up!
I so love that site. Real jewelry at such an awesome price. Loves it. I hope they never go away.
I got my sis something off of there as a thank you for everything she has done from taking care of my boys to driving me to all my appointments all over the damn state it seems. She has been awesome.
I'd post a pic of what I got her, but she reads this. But trust me, it is beautiful and I almost wanted them for myself but she rocks and I wish I could give her so much more than that but for now, it will have to do.
I can't wait for them to get here so I can see them before the boys and I give them to her. They looked gorgeous on the site.
Ok, time to find some breakfast and relax again.
I used my 20 minutes up already. be back on line in about 4 hours or so when I get 20 more minutes to sit. (sitting restrictions)
Later days!
Noting at all goig on here today.
Just figured I'd check in and say hello.
Gonna go back to my recliner and watch the news now.
Later days.
*
*This is some sort of tree my friend Shell sent me. She called a florist down here and asked for a tree and they sent this. I have no idea what it is but whatever it is, it blooms at night. Like at night, all those leaves stand straight up. It's very cool. It was dusk when I took the pic so the leaves are starting the upward turn.
I'm doing ok today. I slept much better now that I was not in pain all night. I think I got about 4.5 hours in a row which is way better than what I have been getting.
Not much going on today. It's rather warm in here though. Need to check the ac and make sure it's working right.
Later days.
I had a rough weekend because I ran out of pain meds and was trying to take Tylenol but found myself taking 8 or more at a time.
That is bad.
My stomach was a wreck, my body wouldn't stop spasming, I couldn't sleep at all.
I was getting 20 minutes at a time of sleep and then getting sick to my stomach.
I called my surgeon and his surgical nurse Cindy yelled at me about running out of meds.
"It's too soon to try taking Tylenol" she said. "You had major surgery and it will be months before you can just take otc pain control. Don't do this again."
I apologized like crazy, she called in a script for lortabs and mailed me a script for percocets.
You can't call those in in this state.
It will be fun trying to get that filled then because I don't think they will let Mark pick them up.
They have been letting him pick up all my other scripts.
I'll have to call them and ask when it gets here.
The other set back is one of my scabs on my back fell off during one of my toss and turn nights but it wasn't exactly ready yet. Now, it is all green pussy and the skin around it is red and swollen.
Great.
I had Mark clean it out with the sterile solution they sent home with me, put a little bit of neosporin on it and re-bandage it.
I'm gonna do everything I can to heal it without antibiotics.
I can't take them. They make me so sick it's awful.
I puke, I get the diars, I smell food and turn green, I see commercials for food and puke. Yeah, me and antibiotics do not go well together.
So, anyway, I am ok, just checking in so no one worries. (sorry mom and dad)
Later days.
I am having a rough couple of days.
A call to my docs is going in at 9am.
Ugh.
Later days.
Ok, we can paint it like wonder woman or, I can leave it white, get all white clothes and just go as a storm trooper for the next 4 months....lol
I really need to paint this. It really is too fucking white.
It also is going to take some getting used to.
I am super straight in this thing. Typing is interesting and if you think I had hygiene issues before, well, let me tell you, this sucker has to come off every time I pee or I'll just be drip-drying for the next 4 months...lmao
The wonder woman comment got me laughing about capes. The funniest exchange ever in a movie is from the Incredibles. No capes!
Read the exchange below.
It just makes me chuckle and especially the way E has that germanish accent and says it, no capes! It kills me. I may just have to watch that today after I watch Harry Potter and the goblet of fire again. That is a kick ass movie but I keep falling asleep at the maze scene cuz I am awake and asleep for like 2 hour intervals every day. Drugs, we'll blame the drugs...lol
Later days.
E
No capes!
BOB
Isn't that my decision?
E
Do you remember Thunderhead? Tall, storm powers. Nice man.
Good with kids.
BOB
Listen, E...
E
November 15th of '58. All was well, another day saved when
his cape snagged on a missile fin.
BOB
Thunderhead was not the brightest bulb...
E
Stratogale! April 23rd, '57. Cape caught in a jet turbine.
BOB
E, you can't generalize about these things.
E
Meta-man, express elevator. Dynaguy, snag on takeoff.
Splashdown, sucked into a vortex. No capes! Now, go on. Your new suit will be
finished before your next assignment.
This is my new brace.
It fits way better than my old one. My old one was huge and squished in at the stomach and tail bone.
This fits like a glove.
I like it. It's tolerable.
I feel sorta robotic walking around but at least I can't hurt myself by accidentally bending or twisting.
But yeah, I need to paint it black or decorate it somehow.
It's too white...lol
Later days!
I really hope it fits better. Sucky thing is I'm all bloated today so it's going to hurt my belly no matter what today.
Grr.
Want to know about week 2 in the hospital?
Week 2 was horrid. It was the second surgery which wasn't that bad. I mean, I hurt but not too badly. It hurt to get up and down which they made me do daily. Like walking the next day, no choice about it.
I just had some really shitty nurses and people who couldn't follow directions and an allergic reaction to the morphine.
The reaction was horrible. I was literally scratching my skin off my forehead, my face, my arms, I had pulled out hair on the back of my head and also scratched my head till it bled.
No one could figure out where all the scratches were coming from until they actually caught me scratching myself raw while I slept.
They then switched me to dilaudid which was much, much better. No itchies at all!
I had a couple really bad nurses again. One who never checked on me at all no matter how many times I hit the nurse button so my fave nurse Jolie, would see my room light/nurse call button on, and come in and take care of me.
I had one who tried to tape my brace together because she couldn't figure out the Velcro closures. This one also never helped me wipe after she would take me to the bathroom causing me to get a UTI. I had a catheter this whole time and filthy pee and poop (sorry squeamish people) would stay around my urethral opening and the catheter and this caused a horrid, horrid UTI which made the docs put me on the anti-biotic keflex, which made me horridly sick to my stomach all the time.
Food smelled like dead animals. All I could eat was jello and drink water for days. I never ate a solid food until my last day and I ate 3 bites of an omelet before throwing that up.
Then there was the miscommunication about chest x-rays.
Doc Moreno ordered one, 1, chest x-ry. I did that one and it hurt like a mother fucker. Oh my god. They would yank my body up and slide the x-ray panel behind my back and then shove me back down on it and take the x-ray. You have no idea how badly this hurt. I had titanium rods on both sides of my spine and to have this hard thing only half way down my back caused a lump, a bend if you will, in my spine. This fucking hurt!
So anyway, I did the one x-ray, it hurt, I cried all the way back to my room clutching my baby blanket and stuffed tiger the boys had given me like it was my mommas bosom.
Then, a few hours later, some orderly comes to get me for what? Another chest x-ray. You have got to be fucking kidding me!
So I cry all the way down to x-ray, I screamed when they did it, I cried all the way back to my room and cried myself to sleep.
Then the next day, some orderly comes to get me again for what?! Another fucking x-ray!!
This x-ray shit happened 9 times in 4 days.
I was screaming no every time an orderly came in my room and tried to wheel me out. I refused to go at one point screaming I wanted my doctor before I'd do anything else.
I was in so much pain from those bend me in half chest x-rays you have no idea. It was like a repeating nightmare.
Finally, Doc Moreno comes to see me on the 4th day in the afternoon. He had been doing surgeries all week and finally got a chance to see me.
He took my hand and looked me dead in the eyes as I was lying there crying from yet another chest x-ray, and says to me "I'm sorry. I don't know why they kept doing them. I only ordered one. I am so sorry. It will not happen again. I put a huge note on the front of your chart stating that the next person who takes you for a chest x-ray will be fired."
I cried. I sobbed. I wept like a 2 year old. He was so sincere and so compassionate. He was genuinely sorry.
I was so happy to see him.
I got better slowly. I was able to sit up by myself and let them put the brace on me and walk down the hall with the walker farther and farther each day. Sometimes they had me walking twice a day which felt good.
I hated the hospital. All I wanted was to go home and get in my bed with my cats and hug my sons.
I had a room mate who had neck surgery and she had a ginormous appetite. All day, all night, she ate. The smell of food was like dead things to me so this was bad.
I vomited every time she ate...lol
Her food came in, I threw up. I don't know how she could stand me. Wretch, wretch, gag, puke, ring for the nurse to come clean up the bucket...lol
No matter how much I puked though, she would just keep on eating. Maybe she couldn't hear very well.
I know that hearing someone vomit is enough to make me vomit so yeah, I was a great roomie...lmao
On Sunday the 25th, one of Doc Morenos assisting docs said if I could walk the entire hallway, he'd let me go home.
I got up, put my brace on myself and grabbed the walker. I practically ran the hallway...lol
I called my sis to tell her I could leave, come get me!!! They boys and sis picked me up and the nurses gave them a bag of med supplies just to play with, masks, gowns, gloves. It was funny that night but I'll tell you that later on.
The ride home was ok. It was difficult to get comfortable in the brace in the car but I survived. I walked into the house and sat in my recliner. They took my shoes off and hugged me and my cats came and loved up on me purring and mewoing and rubbing like crazy. I missed them so much I started crying while hugging my Kali. She just kept licking and licking me. I did miss her terrible.
Ok, I have to run but I will tell you about my first night at home later on. It was cute and funny and just a great memory with my boys.
Later days.
I had decided to take my pill case and my drink into my room at night so I could just take my pain meds from bed.
Well last night, I dropped the muscle relaxer on the floor.
Ugh.
So I had to get up, (this defeated the purpose of my plan) and get my grabber/reacher thingy and try and grab this tiny little pill off the carpet.
At 1:30am.
I was tired. I was in pain. This sucked.
But, good news, I took Ozones' advice and got some office paper clips, and now I can put on my own undies and shorts.
Ha!
Baby steps. Nothing but baby steps.
Later days.
Yup, you read that right. I feel an urge to be in my kitchen. I am not bending or twisting. I am being good. I made the boys get down and get all my needed pans and ingredients etc.
I am making those enchiladas I love so much. Yummy! I can't wait to eat them...lol
I have had a good day, been resting and just taking it easy. Made a few calls I needed to but I basically spent the day just chilling out.
I tried to cut back on pain meds again, down to one instead of two. Didn't work. My body is just not ready for that yet.
Oh well.
It will happen when it happens and I need to not try and rush my recovery.
Ok, I smell dinner cooking, need to get out there and make sure all is well.
Later days.
Tonight, I am taking my pill case, an open soda with a straw, into my room and set on my night stand.
I am tired of waking up at 2am in agony and having to swing myself out of bed to come out here and take my meds.
I'm just gonna suck those down right from bed tonight baby! Yeah! The brain cells are starting to click in again baby! Woot!
Remind me to tell you all about week two in the hospital. Worst fucking week of my life man. Worst!
Oh yeah, Doves new cool essentials deodorant smells awesome, like watermelon. I got a free sample and it's killer. I may just switch from secret to dove simply for the smell factor.
It works good too and yup, just like the commercial says, no white residue.
Yuppers, good stuff.
Later days!
I'm chasing pain away. If you see it run by you, shoot it with a blow dart full of morphine please and thanks.
Fuck. I did too much today. Waay too much today.
It felt good to get out and walk around and into buildings to pay bills and stuff but man oh man, am I paying for it now. Grrr.
The PT guy was not cute but old. *shrug* But good news, my insurance will not pay for the pt because it is so damn simple, a room full of monkeys could do it and then teach humans.
So no old guy here 3 times a week telling me to suck in my gut, hold, hold, hold, release, again....lmao
Other than chasing my pain and not getting an old guy to invade my space 3 times a week, I'm doing ok today.
Later days.
I am tired and the PT guy isn't even here yet.
It's amazing how little you do after surgery and it completely wipes you out.
I got fit for my new brace, it will be ready on Friday. Let's hope it actually fits better than my old one and I can stand wearing it. I need to be wearing it for 4 months to get a good fusion on my bones and hardware.
I went and paid my bills. That felt good to pay them. I wasn't super late on them, no late/shut off notices, but they were much later than my usual pay on the 3rd of every month routine.
Paid in full too.
It's weird how being so responsible feels good...lol
Like I love to pay my bills on time and I worry about them if they are not paid on time and shit.
I go to great lengths to make sure all my bills get paid. I'm weird like that.
PT guy should be here in about 40 minutes or so. This is gonna be brief.
Like all I am allowed to do is legs, arms and stomach tightening. Nothing else. No weights, no back stuff. It's all super easy stuff. I'm actually embarrassed that someone has to come out here and watch me hold my tummy muscles tight for a few seconds, release, repeat...lol
Man, I wish I could sit longer than 20 minutes. I need my nails done in the worst way. They are really long and plain. They need to be filed and painted.
Ok, I need to pee and take some pain meds before PT guy gets here.
Later days.
In the morning, I go get fitted for my new brace, yay! And pay my bills finally. I am sooo late on this but I was feeling like shit since I came home and I finally feel up to going out to do household chores.
Then, in the afternoon, my new physical therapist is coming over to work with me.
Wait till he sees how easy my pt is...lol
Doc Moreno doesn't want me to do more than what he has written down and the stuff is soo easy, I don't even really need a PT. I can do this stuff alone it's that easy.
But, oh well. If he wants me to have a PT, I'll have a PT.
I need to get up and put clean everything on and see if I can get a sorta shave on my legs. My PT is a guy, maybe he'll be cute. ;)
Later days.
Last night while I slept, my socks fell off.
I cannot put them back on.
I cannot bend over per all the new metal and rules for a healthy fusion.
:(
I cannot put on my own underwear either.
Or shorts.
:(
I cannot bend over and feed the cats.
I cannot pick up anything I have dropped unless I get my grabber thingy but sometimes, it just sort of shuffles the piece of paper around the floor like playing hockey with my mail.
:(
If my blanket falls on the floor, I'm fucked.
It's too heavy for the grabber thingy and then I am cold all day long.
Why?
Cuz the ac is on and I can't bend over to grab the ac remote without my grabber thingy but then at noon till 5pm, it's super fucking hot and I have to turn it back down again.
:(
I cannot lay on my couch.
I love my couch.
It was my comfort place with my kitties.
I can get on it and lay down but I can't get back up.
It's too squishy and low.
It sucks.
I miss my couch.
:(
I am still having trouble taking care of personal things.
My body is longer but my arms don't seem to want to stretch far enough to wipe my tushy...lol
Oh well. ;)
Later days.
This is Kali on my lap and Nova near my head. These cats have not left me alone since I came home. They are not bugging me, they just have not left my side at all.
And that's me, sitting in my recliner with my pillows and blanket.
My hair is a mess cuz I was sleeping.
Can you tell that I lost weight?
The hospital spinal fusion diet. Works wonders for your weight, wreaks havoc on your stomach...lol
Later days.
The nurse was here and she looked at it. It's not infected but draining and scabs are forming. A big one is in one spot so it hurts. I am such a dufus sometimes. I was like ouch, it hurts really bad right there and she goes "yeah, you have a giant scab sweetie, I imagine that would hurt."
Duh-ur.
So I'm ok. Sorry if anyone was worried. I worried myself.
Ok, my kids helped me worry by telling me it was infected but you know what I mean.
Later days.
First, I think my back wound is infected. The boys said it was all pussy and red and stuff. This is very bad. It hurts too in that one spot. :(
Second, my spectacular boobs are gone.
I don't know what happened when he straightened me out but my beautiful 38C's look to have shrunk down to nothing.
I won't know for sure until I can wear a bra again in about 4 months, but yeah, they look drastically smaller. I look almost flat chested now.
This makes me very sad people.
I loved my boobies.
I loved how round and full they were and how they filled out my Victorias Secrets bras so well, and I had great cleavage which I do admit to showing off a few times with a button down shirt.
Now, it's flatness. I mean there is still some boobage there but there is no way they are 38C's anymore. No way in hell.
:(
Later days.
I have been resting and taking it easy the last few days.
Just lots and lots of sleep and rest and trying to eat good.
I'll be back around in a few days or less.
Later days.
I just had the single best shower of my life.
Oh my god.
I was told not to shower for 48 hours after the stitches came out so I just took my first shower in like a month.
Holy shit that was incredible.
My hair is clean and conditioned, my body smells good and most of the sticky gluey stuff came off.
Awww, I just might do it again in an hour for the sheer thrill of that.
What I need now is my eyebrows done and a manicure and I will feel back to my old self again....lmao
I have been trying to be Miss Brave and not take my meds as ordered.
Bad, bad, bad idea.
This causes excruciating pain to where you are lying in bed, crying, screaming for your best friend in Maine and your mommy to come hold you.
I promise to eat and take my meds as ordered every 4 hours from now on.
I have had a few horrible days because I thought I could tough it out.
I'm tough but not as tough as this surgery is.
I admit defeat over the giant screws and rods and titanium inside me.
One funny note.
The doc gave me a card on my visit for my wallet.
It is to show people at airports and places where metal detectors are that there is stuff inside me that may set off alarms....lmao
I need to get it laminated as this shit is for life now.
I again apologize for not being able to respond to emails and stuff.
My reading comprehension is at like a kindergarten level right now, 3 seconds long and big words are a blur.
I am misspelling everything and I thank the makers of spell check every time I post.
Later days.
So there you have my fat ass getting all those stitches removed. Pretty big one eh?
It only hurt in a few spots to have all of those come out. Not bad at all.
I will have copies of my newest xrays at some point for you all but I am proud to say that my curve was reduced from 70 degrees down to 20 using titanium and giant screws and stuff.
I look like the bionic woman in there, no joke Ozone, I do. It's crazy the amount of hardware they have inside me.
I was wondering why my hips were both hurting so bad when sitting or rolling over etc, well, there are two giant screws in my SI joints. One on each side. They are the stabilizer of the whole thing.
It was mind blowing to see this stuff.
We tried to get cam phone pics but couldn't get good shots, he promised me my own copies on my next visit. I can't wait to show you all.
You'd think I would have come straight home and took a long hot shower but I didn't. I was wiped out and sore as hell from being in the car for so long that I came in, took off my shoes and tucked myself into bed.
I got up when the pizza came, ate a slice and two hot wings. I can eat if I force myself too and I have the brace off.
Oh, good news on that too. Dr. Moreno put in a call to the brace guy to get me a new brace made, a better fitting one ASAP. So YEAH!!!
I'm very sleepy right now, ate, took pain meds on full stomach, need to rest for at least an hour but wanted to update you all.
Just hang in here with me a bit longer, it takes baby steps he said to get back to being even 90% of what we were after this type of major surgery and so far, I'm doing very very well, he's proud of me. So, just give me more time and I'll be able to start answering emails and such again and longer posts etc. My life is slowly coming back to me.
Later days.
P.S. My official last ciggie was one month ago today, Wednesday, February 8th. I bummed one last one off a neighbor that afternoon before going to sisters house.
I am officially, a non-smoker now. I don't ever plan to start again. It would kill my bodies chance for fusion and trust me when I say, I do not ever, ever, ever, want to have to go through this surgery again. It has fixed me but damned if I'm gonna do it twice out of stupidity.
Oh, one more thing.
This is my new back, stitches removed, waistline sort of there, a torso!!!! Whatcha think people?!
And then it's shower time! Yay! Woo hoo! I cannot wait for a fucking shower, oh my god.
Maybe I will feel better once I can get totally clean.
I don't know how I'm going to do going all the way up there with the brace on, it's so tight, but somehow I'll get by.
Wish me luck y'all.
Later days.
It is definitely an improvement but still uncomfy as hell.
Apparently, it's supposed to be. Apparently, it's supposed to squish everything in and hold it as tight as possible.
It makes me not want to eat. The guy said that's normal.
So, what we will have here at the end of this 3-6 months of brace wearing, will be a taller, skinnier Kat.
What's the newest and easiest way to lose weight whether you want to or not?
Have spinal fusion!
I'm doing ok today, very tired and achy but doing ok.
I am still unable to sit and answer every comment and email personally. I am terribly sorry about that.
Later days.
in a row now but having so many problems with my brace, I cannot get comfortable to save my life.
I just want to sleep.
Later days.
to change my bandages today and says they look really good.
My front scar is about 12 inches long and my back scar is about 19-20 inches long. Holy shit that's a big scar.
I know I would feel better if I could just eat something but I get so sick to my stomach at the thought of food ya know?
The boys went to the store to rent a video game and a movie, they are being so good and so brave, I asked them to pick me up some puddings and jellos. Maybe I'll be able to eat those.
I'm so proud of my boys.
They are doing so much around here to help me out and stuff and taking care of the house.
I decided to treat them to a game and a movie.
This is so hard for them. We knew it was gonna be hard but not like this. Somehow I think I thought I'd be able to do stuff when I got home. I didn't think I'd be completely useless.
Oh well.
I want to just feel better right now.
I feel just plain awful.
I can't take a shower till my stitches come out which is Wednesday so I'm pretty grody.
My nails are a mess, my leg hair is a frigging mile long, my skin is disgusting.
All I want to do is sleep.
I need to be eating to get my strength back but the thought of food makes me want to vomit.
I think I still have anesthesia running through me or something cuz seriously, my brain is in a fucking fog.
God, I hate complaining like this. This is the surgery I've been begging for for years and years and now I have it and I'm miserable.
I want the 3-6 months to just be over with already so I can feel great ya know?
It's been 3 weeks post op and I feel like fucking hell.
I hate my brace so much that I would rather lay in bed all day than have to wear it.
It hurts. It makes me nauseous.
Ugh.
I thought, or wished I was going to.
I have not been feeling well, sleeping mostly, needing my sons for every little thing and feeling useless.
Teary eyed non-stop.
As I get better, my posts will improve. Please don;t leave me.
I need you you all.
Later days.
I'm 36 today and my kids left me happy birthday notes everywhere. I love them so much you don't even know.
I'm having a rough day so forgive me if I'm not around.
I didn't sleep well and my stomach is not feeling well and with a brace on at all times except while sleeping, it makes it very difficult to just be sick. It's complicated.
I'm 3 weeks post op and I just want to feel better now.
*sigh*
Later days.
