My Single Mom Life

Amazon just emailed and said my new TOOl cd, 10,000 days, has shipped.
Yeuuuusss!

So, pissy things are definitely over-written by happy things.
The cosmos are in perfect harmony with me and want nothing more then for me to be blissfully happy.
yup.
I got mad and realized how truly shitty people are behind your back yet to your face they act like they care.
Next time you made a cake and want to share a few slices with us, consider shoving them up your ass. I don't want anything given in false pretenses.

But then the stars said "Hey there ms. kat, don't be sad or mad, be happy. Your new TOOl cd is on the way. People like that are not worth the energy nor the space they take up in your head. Let go of all the stupid people who waste your life away. And one more thing, next time they need a free babysitter or their son wants to tell lies about all the people in the hood including his own father, slam the fucking door in his face."

Later

Who are you to wave your finger?

So full of it

Eyeballs deep in muddy waters

Fuckin' hypocrite

When you pissed all over my black kettle

You must have been high, high

You must have been high, high

Posted by Kat at 7:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I hate this house and I'm sick of my neighbors. Not all of the in the hood, just the ones right next door.

People really fucking amaze me.

Posted by Kat at 6:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

"If the book [the Bible] and my brain are both the work of the same
Infinite God, whose fault is it that the book and my brain do not agree?"
[Robert G. Ingersoll, "Some Reasons Why", 1881]

Posted by Kat at 8:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I get the mail today and in it is a letter from the school about FCAT testing scores.
The scores are not in the letter but they told us a nice new website address and our very own personal log in info so when the scores are ready, we can read them on the web.
So I go to the new site and there are no scores available. There is no place to log in at all.
But the website says something funny.
When the scores for your student are posted, we will send you a letter telling you your child's scores are ready.

You all get that?
Do you all see the idiocy of this plan?
They sent me a letter telling me to go to a site to get scores and the site says they will send me another letter when the scores are ready.

Why not just send me a fucking letter with the damn scores in it one fucking time!?!

I swear, the school system is getting dumber and dumber by the day.
It's no wonder our kids can't pass the damn tests. If the same people who thought up this damn letter/website shit are writing the questions, we're lucky if any of our kids pass.

FCAT

Posted by Kat at 12:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

† Hotmail seems to be down. Again.
† I got my new earrings and ring today from silver jewelry club.
It's like crack. I'm hooked.
† I need my feet pedicured badly. We're going to a huge BBQ on Sunday and if I want to walk in the sand or try to, I don't want anyone to see my toes. They need help.
† I need more women my age to be friends with/talk to on a normal basis. Young women are so um, what's the best way to say this? Snotty little bitches? Yeah, that will work.
† I need a nap.
† Later days.

Posted by Kat at 2:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

It's hard enough using the bathroom.
I don't need to make it into a balancing act or see how fast my reflexes are in saving myself from falling over while attempting to wipe my ass because all 3 cats have decided that now is the perfect time to rub all over my legs.

I think it was a secret plot to murder me this morning.

Posted by Kat at 7:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

They invited us over for dinner and it was nice.
I do have some great neighbors who live around here. Very sweet couple with a 10 year old daughter.
They have been helping out by giving us rides to the store and stuff lately and they surprised us with an invite to dinner.
It was a good time.
The kids all played together. Well ok, Sebastian and Laura played and Mark stayed with us adults...lol
We got back and Mark just mowed the lawn because it's cooler to do it at night and now they are playing on the pc and I'm just going to relax and take it easy.
I'm a little stiff from walking the few blocks over there but it felt good.
It was nice to get out anyway.
Later days.

Posted by Kat at 7:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Ignore my pissiness below. It bothered me at the moment but ya know, in the big scheme of things, being removed from a meme blogroll is so not important. I think it just upset me because I had taken steps to prevent my removal before I went in for surgery and someone dropped the ball.
That's what pisses me off.

I am ok. I really am. I hurt but ya know, it's gonna hurt. I had my body sliced open all the way down like a fish being gutted and all kinds of shit attached to my spine and screws in my hips and organs moved out of the way and shit. Of course it hurts but you all know me, miss impatient, must heal now because life is moving and I want to move with it.

My belly is bothering me though. I am still massively swollen in front from the anterior part of this surgery. It's still wicked tender and it has now been 3 months since surgery. Well at least, yeah, no, yeah, it's been 3 months. February 9th for anterior, February 16th for posterior. Yeah, 3 months..lol
It's still very tender and swollen and achy. I am afraid this section is gonna get fat. I need to ask doc on the 3rd what exercises I can do to stop the fat from growing...lol
I know sit ups and crunches and side bends etc are out so what can I do? Scissor kicks maybe? I dunno, I'll ask.
I'm also going to ask about more sitting time. I need to do stuff. I have to do stuff. I'm tired of not doing stuff.

I think I'm going to join freecycle and see if anyone has like a treadmill or something like that they want to get rid of. I need stuff I can do indoors. It's too frigging hot here already to go for long walks everyday and my house is so small, it takes me less than 100 steps to get through the whole place..lol

Ok, drug induced rambling kicking in.
Later days.

Posted by Kat at 8:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Since when did participating in a meme become a requirement? Rules and codes and links and tags and oh my gosh! This person hasn't participated in months! Shoooooooot her! Shoot her now!

My sincere apologies for having my spine filleted like a fish and being given time restrictions to play on the pc.
Good fucking grief.

What was fun and I was looking forward to doing again, suddenly became a huge fucking pain in the ass with all kinds of rules and tags and stuff.
What happened to just having fun and getting to know people?

Whatever. I'm gonna go back to healing now.
Later days.

Posted by Kat at 6:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

The boys are headed to the store right now to grab some stuff for dinner. I am simply hurting too much to do anything so they are gonna get some stuff so they can cook something up.
I have cramps first of all and second, the 5 small steps I had to go up once and down once at the restaurant, are making me hurt.
I mean it hurt yesterday too but today it's like owie, steps.
That was my first step experience since surgery and I know others who have had this same thing go up and down stairs all the time but maybe it's those screws in my SI joints that is making this hurt more.
Or maybe it's a combo of cramps and si screws.
Feh.
Back to laying down.
Later days.

Posted by Kat at 3:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Broken up by a lovely lunch visit with Jimmy and Ian who treated me to lunch today.
It's always nice to get out of the house, even nicer when it's with friends.
Other than that, I'm simply finding ways to amuse myself and pass the time.
Later days.

P.S. Hello Sarasota Comcast user IP# 68.56.136.95.
The passwords to the Free for All Friday account, were changed sometime last year.
There are only 3 people who know this sites passwords and you are not one of them obviously but by all means, keep trying. It is giving me something to laugh at while I recuperate...lol

Posted by Kat at 5:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I don't know about the rest of you but ABC television is seriously pissing me off.
They give us two weeks of new episodes on the shows, Desperate Housewives, Greys Anatomy and Lost and then they do a few repeats and then they do a "get you caught up" show.
A recap of the whole season so far.
Um, ABC, we're not idiots, we can remember story lines for months even if they do make us watch repeats after only two new episodes.
We are not so dumbed down here in America that we need refresher shows every few weeks.
Maybe, instead of spending time and money slapping these refresher shows together, they could just film new episodes.
What a concept!
They're actually losing viewers with this method. People are getting aggravated by constant repeats and reminder shows.

/end rant.

Posted by Kat at 11:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I was tired of not doing it so I gave myself sweeping and vaccumming. The boys did the bathrooms and mopped the floors and stuff like dusting.
I feel good.
I moved and even though I have instructions not do this stuff, I did it anyway. Too bad.
I hate not doing stuff. It's actually exhausting sitting around all the time.
I don't feel like I pulled anything or hurt anything. I feel physically good. We'll see how it feels in a few hours but right now, it's good.
I'm gonna find some lunch and chill with some movies now.
Later days.

Posted by Kat at 12:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

What influence, in fact, have ecclesiastical establishments had on society? In some instances they have been seen to erect a spiritual tyranny on the ruins of the civil authority; in many instances they have been seen upholding the thrones of political tyranny; in no instance have they been the guardians of the liberties of the people. Rulers who wish to subvert the public liberty may have found an established clergy convenient allies.

Posted by Kat at 11:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

"10,000 days in the fire is long enough.
You're Going Home.
You're the only one who can hold your head up high.
Shake you're fist at the gates saying
I've Come Home Now!
Fetch Me The Spirit, The Son and The Father.
Tell Them their pillar of faith Has ascended!!!!
It's time now! My time now!
Give me my, give me my wings."

*edited lyrics after 20th listen.

The new cd is absolutely fucking brilliant.
I'm so just, wow.
Really, you all must buy this on May 2nd.
Yeah, I cheated and got it a tad early but I'm still going to buy it when it's released because if there's any band worth supporting it's them.
It's just so personal this time.

"Daylight dims leaving cold fluorescence.
Difficult to see you in this light.
Please forgive this bold suggestion:
Should you see your Maker's face tonight,
Look Him in the eye, look Him in the eye, and tell Him:
I never lived a lie, never took a life, but surely saved one.
Hallelujah, its time for you to bring me home."

Posted by Kat at 6:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

All 3 of us have been sick since last night.
So not fun at all.
I can't believe I caught another stomach thing again.
It totally fucking sucks puking with these rods in. Holy shit.
I have barely slept all, maybe a grand total of an hour since yesterday. I was up all night for either myself getting sick or one of the boys getting sick.
Yuck.

As for the computer virus, it's weird.
It's the error message but that is not the virus. The virus attacks that particular command prompt which makes the computer start properly.
I get the bottom task bar but no desktop icons. I can click on the quick launch icon for Firefox and then click close on the error message box and firefox will open but the bottom task bar disappears. I can still use the net anyway.
And if it dies completely before I can take it in to get it fixed, the boys pc works fine. I'll just move my chair in there which they would love when they use the pc.
I'm not too stressed about it at all.
What happens happens and in the big scheme of things lately, my pc not booting up right is very low on the list of shit I am worried about.

I can feel a pinched nerve sensation on my right side hip and leg. I don't know what I did but it's been this way for a few days. When my docs nurse called me back today to let me know she sent my script refill out yesterday and I should have it tomorrow, she asked how I was doing. I told her about the pinched nerve feeling.
I told her I was doing my pt an going for walks at night just around the block like I'm supposed to. She told me to stop the pt and walks. She's going to talk to Doc M. and ask him what I should do. Because of the screws in my SI joints, a pinched nerve is tricky. She said a simple movement like the pt stretches could make it much worse and Doc M. may send me for an MRI to look at the area to check what it is. What can they do for it anyway? It's not like my body can be manipulated now like a chiro would do to ease the nerve.

I am really trying to stay upbeat and positive about stuff but it just seems like one thing after another right now and it's getting to me.
I have a stack of mail that needs to be mailed so if I was sending you something, sorry, I still have it sitting here. I suck, I know.
Emails are still unanswered although I am reading them.
Bleh, I just need this mood to go away so I can function a bit better. I need to stop getting sick too. It sucks to be up all night. :(

Ok, enough pissin' and moanin'.
Later days.

Oh wait, If anyone wants the new TOOL cd, 10,000 days, let me know. It is kick ass. I can send you the link to it.

Posted by Kat at 3:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Same old same old except my puter has a virus.
One I can't fix. I'm gonna have to take it in and get it fixed. Kinda sucks but at least it's still working for the most part.
Not much going on around here at all.
Just saying hello.

Later days.

Posted by Kat at 4:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I got up with the boys this morning and decided to do some stuff.
I have two chickens in the crock pot for dinner, I did a few dishes and am burning some new cds to listen to.
There's nothing like getting the new Tool cd a month early I tell ya.
Nothing.
It's fucking amazing!

My computer is acting up. Don't know what's wrong. Keep getting an explorer error in SHADwoc or something like that. If anyone has seen that error before and knows what it is and can help me, I'd appreciate it.

I'm gonna go find some breakfast now and try to chill out with new tunes.
I frigging love them!
Later days.

Posted by Kat at 8:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I'm going to attempt to write something every single day no matter how I'm feeling. I think it may help in the long run to keep my mind moving and busy anyway.
Dunno, but whatever.

Today was more of the same.
My sister called me this morning after I went back to bed after the boys went to school.
I made the mistake of not bringing the phone with me.
It may be a small house but getting up out of bed and getting to the phone before the 4th ring and the answering machine turns on, is quite a task.
I'll remember to take it with me from now on.

I'm just getting so stiff. I do my pt exercises everyday as I'm supposed to but my back stiffens up regardless when I lay down for any amount of time. Getting up out of bed in a hurry and even not in a hurry, is interesting.
I am just so stiff, it's robotic.
Maybe it's a good sign. The stiffness means the fusion is taking. I hope so.

I'm sleeping somewhat better although my dreams are getting weirder.
Lots of dreams about dying and not just me dying, like everyone I know dying. In odd ways too. Shootings, stabbings, heat attacks, drownings. I wake up everyday thinking what the fucking hell was that shit?

I folded some laundry today and washed a few dishes. I'm trying to stay busy and do more things. I'm trying to not let this funk take a full hold of me. I've suffered depression before and I don't want to go all the way back there.

I'm not really in the mood to talk on the phone for any length of time.
I just don't feel up to it. I'm slacking on answering emails, I apologize. I am really going to try and do them everyday even if it takes me all day.

The boys are doing good, being good helpers and doing good at school.
They seem to be back in the swing of wanting to help again.
I think the stress of all this was getting to them too and they blew up and screwed off. Heck, if I could screw off I would too..lol

I guess that's it for now.
Later days.

Posted by Kat at 8:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

How it's really going is I'm slowly accepting my new limitations and with that comes hours of attempts at things and failures and the realizations that things have to change or just not do them ever again.

If my toes need to be filed or polished or whatever, I am forever going to have to get pedicures. It's that simple. And it's that depressing.
I can't reach them. I can barely reach mid-shin to shave my legs.
Currently, my feet are a wreck. As soon as I can sit long enough and afford it, I'm making an appointment for a full lower leg day of beauty.
I actually cut the heels out of an old pair of sneakers today so I could just slide my feet into them.
I can't get socks on or shoes and so I did what needed to be done. I made my own slides.
I'll buy a pair eventually but for now, this is good.

I've also accepted that laundry has to be done with the grabber stick thingy.
I can't bend over to get them out of the laundry basket to put in the washer or take out of the washer or put in the dryer or out of the dryer.
I dare any one of you to attempt all your everyday movements without bending over.
Sure, you can bend at your knees but this becomes aggravating after about 5 minutes of reminding yourself to bend at the knees.

If something falls on the floor, get the grabber. Shorts slide down your legs while sitting to pee, get the grabber cuz you can't frigging reach them even from a sitting position.

Food item you want to eat on the bottom shelf of the fridge or the ketchup in the lowest door bin, get the grabber.

It is becoming tiresome to get the grabber, bend at the knees, use a cane to get out of bed and any chair you may be sitting in.

As I face a new motion everyday as I slowly start feeling less pain and more up to doing more things, I am slowly learning that each new motion has to be done in a whole new way and it is overwhelming me.

I dropped my hairbrush this morning and instinct says to bend over and pick it up but instead I just stood there staring at it on the floor of my bathroom and I started to cry because I can't pick it up.

I know in time having to get the grabber won't be a big deal and I'll become a master at bending at my knees but right now, it's just all overwhelming me.

I wanna get down and clean up that sticky mess on the kitchen floor.
Maybe tomorrow, I'll figure out a way to do it with the grabber.

Later days.

Posted by Kat at 10:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

What do you do with your blog when you've become depressed and you know it?
Do you keep writing all that stuff? Do you share it with people and risk the nasty comments that happen?
I know, moderated comments Kat, but I still have to read them in my email box to see who it's from and if it's an asshole or a true friend before I approve or not.
It's been a long time since I haven't approved a comment but shit like this, expressing how it's really going, tends to bring out the whacky people.
I'm not sure what to do.
I have moments of really great happiness but most of the time, my mood, my feelings are bleh. Just doing the day to day motions.
Whatever.
Later days.

Posted by Kat at 6:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)

So I bought my domain name today for another year.
It's mine dammit. I've had this name for over 5 years now and I can't see letting it go.
I know that even if I were to stop blogging at some point, I'd probably to continue to repurchase this name forever.
Kinda silly huh?
I've been in a funk lately, I've been tired and sick and depressed and stressed out and lonely and just a multitude of things so my blogging has gone down to once a day if that sometimes.
I know I'll get out of this bad place eventually so I can't just let my domain expire because of how I have been feeling lately.
I know that when major things happen in my life, I'll want to share them with the people who stop by here or even just for my own memory holding place.

I think a lot of what is happening right now is the after effects of coming off the anti-depressants they had me on during my hospital stay. Exactly 30 days of pills to keep you from feeling like you made the biggest mistake of your life getting this surgery done.
I know why too.
Once it's done and you get home and realize how big of a change you've made to your body and how drastically different things like putting on a pair of jeans is going to be, you start thinking, oh shit, what the fuck did I do.

I put on jeans for the first time since surgery last night to go out.
That was a major challenge.
Underwear and shorts work pretty well with the clip system I have been using but jeans are a whole new material. They are longer, less flexible.
It took awhile to get them up my legs and getting them off to go to bed, let's just say I nearly fell over and was crying and ended up calling Mark who was watching tv, to come help me. I couldn't get them off my lower legs. They just hung there like Velcro saying nana nana boo boo bitch, this is what you asked for, this is what you get.
I tried standing up and using my feet to try and pry them off each leg but I can't lift my legs high enough to pull a leg out even if the other pant leg is being pinned to the floor with my other foot.

What about jeans and the weird nerves issue in my left leg, hip and torso?
Holy crap. Jeans do not feel good at first. They sit on the thigh, holding it in and up against the fabric. Every time I moved last night I was greeted with that pin prick tingle and I'm sorta used to it but with shorts on all the time, nothing is constantly rubbing up against my thigh.
It tingled all night.

Why aren't you mingling? Cuz it hurts to walk too much even though this is a small room, the brace is a bit uncomfy and bulky and I'm terrified of hitting someone with it in such close parameters.

Are you a cop? Is that Kevlar? Why are you wearing a bullet proof vest was asked of me no less than 6 times.
It was highly amusing yet kind of annoying.
I know most people don't know why I'm wearing it much less what the fuck it is, (another reason to paint it all black so it matches my clothing) but I was so self conscious about it. I can't wear a shirt over it, it's fucking hot in that thing.
I wore a tank top, then the brace and loose button up shirt over the top buttoned only at the bottom because otherwise, it looks like I'm wearing football padding or have a really big barrel chest or some shit.
The fucking thing has my tits for gods sakes! It's custom molded to my actual boob size and it's obvious those are tits molded in plastic.
I got felt up, people stared, made suggestions as to what to paint it or hang tassels from the imaginary nipples on it.
I took it all in stride, I joked about it myself. Can't beat 'em, join 'em is the old saying, but oh, how I wanted to just go and see people and laugh and have fun and not be worried about how my body looks once again.
All my life, worried about my fucked up body and my pain levels and how long can I go and hang out and all that girly image shit. I just want to eventually be comfortable in this body.
I want to wear clothes that look good and not hiding a fucked up back and now a brace. I want to be able to wear just tank tops in summer and not have to hide or be hot.
I know it won't be much longer, June is how long he said, but what if I get to June and he says my fusion needs more time? What if he says August or later? The whole summer wearing that?!

All this shit kinda makes me want him to put me back on the anti-depressants yet I'm so sick and tired of taking pills for this damned back. I have spent years on medication for it. Tons of different medications for it and they are scheduled for all hours of each and every day.
I just want it to end.
I'm tired of being trapped in this house.
I'm tired of being tired and exhausted from just walking to the fucking mailbox or taking a 10 minute shower.
Yeah, how would you like to take a shower and be so exhausted from just washing yourself that you have to go lie down?
It's not fun anymore.
I loved that first shower. I loved the tenth one, but god damn, I want to take a shower and get dressed and do my hair and go play.

I also want to feel ok and be able to comfortably and confidently, talk to people without having them stare or ask me how I am. I want to be able to say to that guy yes when he asks me to dance.
Ugh.
Yes, I'm having myself a pity party tonight and I don't care who or what thinks I'm being a baby about it all.
I know it could be worse, someone always has it worse but when it's you feeling this way, you are all that matters at that moment, selfish or not.
Later days.

Posted by Kat at 11:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I have been up puking since early hours. I really think I caught something. Try puking when your body doesn't bend.
Oh dear god shoot me.
Maybe this is why I have been moody and tired and feeling really exhausted lately, I was coming down with a bug.

Terry, yes Mark is grounded but this was something that my sis had planned for a long time so I let them go plus, it made it ok for me to go see my friends.
I did go out to see my friends, it was nice.

I'm gonna go back to bed now.
Later days.

Posted by Kat at 12:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I really am one of those people that marches to their own beat.
I have had this or something close to it said to me since grade school.
Kat is so stubborn, Kat is off in her own world, Kat does things her way, Kat needs to be like everyone else.
No, Kat does not.
I am happy the way I am and I see things with eyes wide open and I guess that's why I get comments like these.
Marching to your own beat is in my opinion, a nice way of saying that I say what I want and don't give a damn but really, I'm a bit off.
I do get upset about things an sometimes I do like to rock the boat just to see the waves ripple.
And other times, I'm handing out oars to everyone in it and trying to teach them to paddle cuz the captain is fucking crazy.

The boys had today off and have been playing nicely all day. They are headed to my sisters in awhile to have dinner and go to the movies.
Some friends would like me to come hang out tonight and I might. I might also be pushing my back too soon by doing that but I'm going crazy being trapped in this house.
I'll have to see how it goes.

I have a ton of emails to answer and a shower to take even if I don't go anywhere.
It'll help my bones feel better anyway.
Later days.

Posted by Kat at 3:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Shell sent me another box of salt water taffy directly from the little shop that makes it at the top of the hill.
Yummy. Thanks girly!

In other news, I'm amusing myself with peoples stupidity and how people are like sheep wherever you look.
It's not just churches, it's everywhere.
If someone presents themselves as a god like know the correct answer to everything and people don't question it, then others will follow them.
*drink the kool-aid*
I'm so fucking amazed in this day and age of the internet and how answers are so readily available through a multitude of search engines, rather than look it up themselves, they will put 100% faith into someone who claims to be an expert yet really is nothing more than a wanna be expert who feels self important and gives them wrong answers.

Fucking amazed I tell ya.
And I'm the one of oxys all fucking day long...lmao
Later days.

Posted by Kat at 4:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I haven't been blogging cuz I've had nothing to say.
I just do the same stuff day in and day out.
Get the kids up, send them to school, eat, take my meds, go back to bed.
Get up, eat lunch, take more meds, watch tv, watch a movie, talk to teens about school/homework, help decide dinner. Eat dinner, take meds, watch a movie, watch a night time drama, go to bed.
The life of a single mom recovering from surgery. It's something to write home about I tell ya. /sarcasm

Lost was good last night. Not action packed or anything but oh, the love between Bernard and Rose had me near tears.
When he said you didn't answer my question, I knew he was gonna say something like that and it made me all warm and fuzzy.
I still do believe in love.
Maybe not for myself anymore but I am happy for others when they find it.

Ok, I'm gonna go back to my boring routine now. I might spice it up today and take a shower.
Later days.

Posted by Kat at 8:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I just needed a few days to really work things out with Mark.
Lots of rules have been laid down and lots of long talks about behavior issues and school issues etc.
I can't say whether or not any of it sunk in or if it's going to work but I'm sticking to my guns and so far and it seems to be working for the moment.
I can only take this as it comes and one day at a time I guess.
I'm not gonna push for anything more than one day at at time. If I try, both us will feel pressured and stressed and to be honest, I'm stressed out enough as is, I don't need more pressure.

I'm doing ok physically but as anyone under stress can tell you, it is not just a mental thing, it works on you physically as well.
I have just been exhausted as hell. When not riding Marks' butt about stuff, I have been resting.
They go to school, I go back to bed and sleep and just try to not freak my body out more.
I'm ok though.

I got a few awesome movies in the mail from Terry and Annette, thank you gals. Gives me something to do than just sit here watching Montel and Oprah repeats...lol

Ok, I'm gonna eat my dinner, check Marks' homework and then chill out with a movie and just try to take it easy.
Later days.

Posted by Kat at 6:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I have had no sleep, I'm tired, stressed out and feel like I'm going crazy after all this time stuck in my fucking house!

When I can not be such a bitchy uptight and stressed out person, I'll try and post normal.
Really, I'm just emotionally yucky.
Later days.

Posted by Kat at 7:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

My oldest son and I, Mark, just had a blow out of epic proportions.
I am tired and angry and he is officially a moody, rotten, selfish teenager.
Yes, I said those words out loud on my public blog.
I don't care.
I'm tired of him beating on his little brother, I'm tired of him playing mean jokes on everyone and I'm tired of his complete disinterest in being part of this family other than what we can do for him.
Yes he was helpful the first few weeks after surgery but behind the scenes, there have been beatings on his brother and other things.
There are other issues as well that I don't even know how to talk about or deal with because I'm so fuming pissed at him right now I can barely see straight.
One minute I was photo shopping a wonder woman paint job on my brace picture and the next we were in a shouting match and shit was hitting the fan.
No one was hit and nothing was broken, just lots and lots of words back an forth and if I had the money to send him to live in Maine for the summer, he'd be going.
I love him very much but I can't deal with what he has been doing to Sebastian and myself and I can't deal with some of his oddities and the things he says to me and the mean tricks he plays.
I'm angry and I'm upset and crying and I just want to turn back the clock an hour so I could prevent this from happening in the first place.
If I had just been watching him a little bit closer this wouldn't have happened.
Fuck.
Sometimes being a mom really fucking sucks ass.
This is when a dad would be fucking handy. Talk to him, straighten him out. Do your daddy fucking job but nooo, I have to take on mom and dad and try to figure out why my son is doing this shit.
It's beyond brotherly beatings. It's cruelty.
It's beyond simple over eating to gorging himself and then blaming others for his weight problems and bully issues.
Fucking fuck fuck.
I don't want to discuss this so please don't call me, I'm too fucking angry to speak.
I took the blame for his behaviors on myself for far too long. I tried so hard to help him and be cool mom about shit and relaxed and talk to him like he was somewhat of an adult but I see that I was being setup to take all the blame for his eating problems, his anger issues, his bullied at school issues.
I did what I could.
I made sure he fit in and his aunt made sure he had clothes and shoes to fit in and I bought him cologne and helped on his homework and tried to be lax about him going to his friends house and them coming here. I just wanted him to be a happy normal kid and not feel so bad about my physical inabilities but he was setting me the fuck up and I just was completely appalled at what was just said and how things went down.
I'm fucking hurt man.
Time for dictator bitch mommy to make her reappearance apparently.
Kids will wake up, take showers, get dressed, do chores, go to school, come home, do homework, do more chores, eat dinner, do more chores, go to bed.
Enough of this trying to be their friend cool mommy shit. It just kicked me in the fucking ass.

Posted by Kat at 8:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

My nice peaceful, helpful teens have migrated back to being unruly, pain in the ass beat on each other brothers.

It was a normal morning like any other. Alarm goes off, I yell from my bed for Mark to get up and take a shower and tell him the usual, wake me up when you are both done showering so we can have a few minutes before you both leave.
Mark goes to take his shower, gets dressed and then comes in and says to me that Sebastian won't take a shower and asks if he has to.
I said no I guess he doesn't. He can go to school smelly if he wants to. It's his choice to be stinky.
Next thing I hear is Sebastian getting pummeled by Mark. Screams of pain and a whole slew of name calling.
I fling myself out of bed.
That was bad move number one.
Then I crashed into my bed frame and tore my achilles tendon skin on bed frame so I was gushing blood as I stumbled out of my room to stop the fighting.
They were both yelling and hitting each other.
It was total chaos.

They are both now grounded for a week, have to do extra chores outside of the normal dishes and cat litter and lawn mowing.
Like deep cleaning the house and yard.

I hurt my lower back when I flung out of bed.
I am supposed to log roll and then swing my legs down slowly and then prop up on my elbow and raise myself up to a sitting position before standing.
I flung myself out of bed. The screams and hitting noises made me jump, I was startled and I swung my legs off the side of the bed and flipped my body up and my legs hit my alarm clock cord and it went flying onto the floor and I knew as soon as I stood up that I had hurt myself but they were still hitting each other, I had to go.
I hit my ankle on the bed frame and felt my skin rip off the tendon area by the metal bed frame.
I got in the room and they took one look at my face and stopped what they were doing.
Like they knew I was A) really pissed off and B) injured.

The silence came so quickly. They shut up immediately, got dressed and backpacks ready to go and then went and sat quietly until it was time to go.

I knew that the peace and niceties would end as soon as I started to feel better and a bit more independent around the house. I knew they would go back to being brothers and wanting to kill each other again but I just didn't want it to end.
I was really enjoying the brothers who helped each other with everything and happily helped around the house and woke each other up with smiles and stuff.
*sigh*

Well now for me today, I'm going back to my bed with my meds and my heating pad and going to hope that I didn't screw up anything in my back. I didn't hear anything pop or rip, but I did feel a pull in my lower back.
Dammit.

Later days.

P.S.
Mom, I got the box yesterday. I love the eggs as you know, don't forget to email me the recipe because when I told Sebastian that this was the last year you were going to make them, he teared up.
I guess it's gonna be up to me now to make them every year. You've hooked us all..lol
Love you. :)

Posted by Kat at 7:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Not much has been going on ar5ound here at all.
I've been resting, watching movies, reading books and stuff like that.
I'm doing ok.
The boys are doing good, not happy that spring break is over. They ask every morning if they can stay home...lol
Uh, no, go to school. I need to be alone man.
They are good kids but all that free time, they start getting at each others throats.

I really don't have much to say right now.
My back is doing good. I'm healing up slowly.
I get super stiff sometimes, like my muscles just decide to get as straight and as tight as the rods and man is it hard to get up and move when that happens.
My doc called in a new muscle relaxer because I was like robotic and couldn't do my PT. I was getting that stiff. It will be ready on Saturday. The pharmacy didn't have any and they had to order it.
Yes I could have gotten it at another Walgreen's but I can't get to another Walgreen's. The other one that is close to our house is a)too far away and b) on a major road, U.S.41. I will not let Mark ride his bike over there to get my meds. Heck, I hate going over there.
I can wait till Saturday.
I'll just take it easy until then.

Ok, I'm gonna go back and read my book while it's still quiet here. I'm almost done with it. Very good read.
Later days.

Posted by Kat at 11:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

You must click that for bigger.

A monthly magazine came in today's mail and as I was perusing the articles, I see the above ad. Naturally I laughed, sort of a startled, shocked laugh and then I finished the magazine and made dinner etc.
I just went and looked up the product.
That is too damn funny.
I think the ad is hysterical.

Posted by Kat at 8:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Today was good. My neighbor took me to pay my bills and grocery shop a bit.
I got lots of conditioner for my hair because it's a frigging mess man. I don't know what the deal with it is. It's so damn dry yet I don't wash it every day, heck, barely wash it twice a week. I condition like crazy yet it's breaking off and tangled up. Bought some new stuff to try out.
Hoping it will work.

Bought some cards for my mom and Shell so I can mail their goodies to them. Moms went out in today's' mail and when I picked my mail out of the box, Shells' present was in it so hers will get mailed tomorrow.
Bought a book of stamps too and this guy in line just wanted one stamp and they wouldn't sell him one stamp and the machines to buy singles were out of order and he didn't have enough money for a book so once we got outside, I gave him one. He tried to pay me for it but it's just a stamp. Many people have given me a single stamp so whatever, pay the stamp favor forward when you can.

I had a massive urge for a smoke today and so I asked my neighbor for one.
Yes I did.
I put it in my mouth and lit it.
I inhaled and it was the most nasty tasting thing I had ever had.
I handed it to her to smoke.
I guess I really have officially quit if they taste like crap now.
What's with the overwhelming urges though?

Came home and watched A History of Violence.
This was a really good movie.
I so wasn't expecting what happened at all. I never saw that coming.
Excellent movie.
It is a quiet movie though. It has it's violent moments but it's not loud and abrasive, it just glides along like any normal day.
Viggo Mortensen and Maria Bello star in it as well as Ed Harris and William Hurt.
It's a very good movie but if you watch it, make sure the kids are not around. It is violent when it gets violent and it has some very strong sex scenes.
I wouldn't warn you if it didn't shock me and it takes a lot for a movie to shock me.

Ok, I just noticed what time it is so I'm gonna get a move on and get the boys in gear for their nightly chores.
Later days.

Posted by Kat at 7:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Dear makers of Unisom;

Those of us who purchase your sleep aid need sleep. We buy the product so we can fall asleep fast and stay asleep and be fully rested.
We do not buy your product so we can spend 3 hours trying to open the itty bitty blister packs tyring to get your product out.

I spent 20 minutes attempting to get one tablet out last night using a variety of tools and ideas.
I broke a nail on the blister pack.
I got a paper cut from the blister pack.
I finally got the tablet out and took it.
But I couldn't fall asleep because the frustration of the itty bitty super glued blister pack frustrated me so much and the thought of having to do it again tonight so I could sleep, drove me to spend 3 hours opening all 47 itty bitty super glued blister packs and dumping 47 tablets into an old pill bottle so I could just open the bottle and take one if I need to.

Please stop super gluing these things. Please make the lift here corner tabs actually lift without the use of scissors or tweezers.

Thanks you.

Posted by Kat at 7:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

You wear your sons dress loafers cuz they fit and slide on easy as pie with no help.

I have to go out tomorrow and pay bills and such and am getting a ride but I still can't bend over and put my own shoes on so, I was talking to the boys about making sure I am dressed and up before they leave, help me if they need to, and then put my shoes on for me.
That's when I looked up at the shoe rack and saw the loafers.
Hrm.
He's 14, he has big feet, maybe, just maybe they'd fit.
Sebastian got them down off the rack, put them on the floor in front of me and I started to scoot my feet in.
Voila! They fit!
A wee bit snug but it's better than having someone else always put my damn shoes on and tying them for me.

I am doing better as you can probably see. A few days of bed rest and not over doing stuff is what I needed.
I am trying and wanting so badly to do all my own things around here that I actually do them.
I cooked on Wednesday night.
I did dishes.
I took a shower without using the shower bench. I stood for the whole shower which I'm sure is a big no no but dammit, I'm tired of taking showers like a 90 year old.
I also picked up a very fat and very heavy cat who was trying desperately to get away from the kitten who torments her. Nova weighs far more than the 5 pound lift limit I am on.
So yeah, as you can see, my pain and tiredness is all my own fault because I just want to do it all again.
I'm learning that I can't do it all.
I can do some of it but not all.
I can fold laundry though without a problem.
I use my grabber stick to grab clothes out and then I fold them.
No bending!

My over use of smilies which I like hardly ever use in my posts is totally due to a stronger pain med I picked up yesterday.
They were just looking so cute and under used here on my site...lmao

Later days.

Posted by Kat at 9:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)