My Single Mom Life

I've come so very far from where I was in my pre-surgery days, it's hard to believe.
I was in agonizing pain in my entire back, hips, and left leg, 24/7. My quality of life had diminished so much, I stopped leaving the house.
I was discouraged with every single doctor I met because while they all said you need fixing, none of them would get to fixing.
Doc M changed all of that in just a few short minutes of meeting him. My life changed at that very moment. I had hope for freedom from my pain for the first time in 5 years.
I came home that day and cried out of frustration and out of relief.
I still cry because I am so grateful for what he did for me, I get overwhelmed.

Those first few weeks and months after surgery, were some of the most difficult times of my life. Not just for me, but for my sons.
I had been the caregiver, the cook, the washer, dryer, cleaner, provider, helper, all their lives. Suddenly, they were thrust in all those positions and did so well under amazing stress and fear.
It wasn't until after I was well into my recovery and doing everything on my own again, that they both admitted how terrified they were that whole time. They were scared that the surgery wasn't going to be successful and that I'd end up in a wheelchair, or have other problems that prevented me from being super mom again.
They never said a word while they helped me in and out of bed, cooked for all of us, did laundry and cleaned the house, all the while still attending school and keeping their grades at an even keel.

I can do almost everything I could do pre-surgery. I still have the worst time with my left sock and shoe. Sandals have become my best friends ever. That's one of the major bennies of living here in Florida, I don't have to layer on socks and boots. I can go in sandals all the time.
I still have weight restrictions and that's ok. I still have some small issues picking things up from the floor, but all in all, things are going great. I have some pain days here and there that put me in bed, but it really is nothing like the pre-surgery pain at all.
I know I talk about the pre-surgery pain a lot, and I wish I could explain it so that you would know how much better this is now, but I can't find the words to get it across to you, that there were many days pre-surgery, I considered ending my life because I couldn't take the pain anymore. I also often thought of hacking off my left leg.
I thought removing the leg right at the pelvis/hip joint, and letting all those pinched and squished nerves, free, that the pain would go away. I didn't even give one thought that I wouldn't have a leg anymore. I just wanted the pain to stop. I had a doctor tell me I might lose that leg because it was turning purple so often from lack of blood flow, why not just hack it off?
It made total sense in my head.

Today is so much better, and I know tomorrow will be even better.
I made a bunch of calls this morning to get all my deductible and copay stuff sorted out, figured out my part D copays by calling them as well, confirmed some crucial employment information and started to read a new book that came in the mail yesterday all on less than 1 hour of sleep.

I received a copy of Dr. Manny Alvarez' new book, The Checklist, to read and review if I chose. They actually said I could read it, give it away, whatever. I love people with a sense of humor.
Anyway, I started reading it last night, (it came yesterday while I was dealing with health issues. ironic) and I was like hey, it's in plan English, this 'clicks', makes sense.
I will read the whole thing and do a review as a way to say thanks for the book.*

I've really rambled long enough, it's what happens when I get less than an hour of sleep all night.
Oh well.
Later days.