A way out.
For the sake of this entry, I'm keeping their real names out of it, but if you're a long time reader, you know who I'm talking about.
A woman I know lives in an abusive household. Her husband is a real prick of a man to both her and their son.
He is verbally, emotionally, and sometimes physically abusive.
She is a disabled woman, has no way at all to care for her and her son if they leave. She has a multitude of health problems, makes what's wrong with me seem like a day at the beach.
She simply cannot just pick up and run away.
But she wants to. She's been putting away change she finds, selling things of hers, to try and save the money to get out.
Her husband is such a fucking dickwad, he wouldn't pay for medical insurance for their own son who is very sick. Flat out refused.
She sold a whole bunch of her things to pay for the Florida healthy kids insurance so she could get him to a doctor.
Her husband found out she did that, and is demanding she sell more of her things, and give him the equivalent of what the insurance cost. $120.
If she does not do this, there will be physical hell to pay.
She's out right now, trying to sell these things before he gets home tonight. He said he would be at the bar, as usual, and when he gets back, there had better be $120 for him.
This man is an abusive fucking drunk with a coke and pot problem.
Having him arrested is not the answer, so don't say that. If he gets arrested, they will be evicted and have all their utilities shut off, no food etc, because as much as it pains me to say, he is the breadwinner right now.
But he piddles away his paychecks on booze and drugs. He hands her exactly $100 per week for groceries, inspects the receipt when she gets back. If there is even a penny missing from the change, she's in serious trouble.
This woman confides in me, talks to me, I'm all she has. None of her family lives here, she has no friends, no church, (he won't let her go to one) no one at all.
I do what I can to help her. I've bought things from her when she had to hurry and raise money so he didn't get mad at her for not somehow, without a job, getting the electric bill paid.
I've been secretly teaching her how to blog so she can try and make money from paid blogging, so she can have her own money on paypal, save it, and run away.
An offer was presented to me by someone I have confided in on this issue. I needed to talk about it because it is overwhelming sometimes hearing what goes on with her and her son, what they endure on a daily basis. I've been there, done that, didn't even get a t-shirt.
This offer is for plane tickets and a little bit of start up money, and a ride to the airport, to go home to her family in another state.
I have not told her this offer yet, she's not home, and I only got the offer about an hour ago.
I am going to tell it to her, but it has to be a yes or no right away.
Abused women stay because they are, first, afraid their abuser will track them down and hurt them or worse, and second, because they have no way out.
A lot of abused women stay even after this kind of offer, because they have this twisted sense of duty, afraid to be tracked down anyway kind of thinking going on, but this is a legit offer from one of the sweetest, kindest, most amazing women I have ever met.
If my friend takes this offer, all arrangements will be made for her, she will be driven to the airport, given the tickets and a small bit of start up money, to just go.
This is an incredible offer, but I have this sinking, sick in the pit of my stomach feeling, she won't take it. I just know she won't.
I want her to get home so I can tell her before he gets home, tell her it's all going to be ok, that she will have what she needs to go, but I just really fear she won't take it.
Comments
It took me a long time to realize that not all abused women that stayed in their relationships were clueless. Yes, I used to think that. I had this one friend (former friend) that only felt that a man didn't love her unless they laid their hands on her. She'd push somewhat good men into defending themselves by hurting her. The good ones left her anyway. The bad ones... Well, they didn't need her effort to be abusive because they just were and she stayed with them longer.
Then I met women that wanted to leave but were too afraid and/or had no where else to go. Regardless of what offers they got, they were just too afraid. What I had to learn was that people sometimes just can't pick up and leave. I can only hope that, despite how hard it may be, that your friend does this. No one should have to put up with that. No one!
Posted by: tiiana | May 2, 2007 8:08 PM
Her husband needs the fuck beat out of him. How is the boy doing? Kat if there is anything you need for me and Chris to do just say it and we will help.
Posted by: Mindy | May 2, 2007 8:14 PM
I haven't even had a chance to ask her how his doc appointment went today, because she had to hurry up and go try and sell stuff before he gets home. She's still not back yet.
Posted by: kat | May 2, 2007 8:19 PM
This guy is the lowest form of scum. Your friend has been offered the chance of a lifetime to get away from his skeevy ass, and I hope she chooses to take it.
I've had to flee from an abuser, as well, and even beng able-bodied and no kids, it was still hard. I can't even imagine how trapped your friend must feel, how this asshole beats her down every day, and tells her what a piece of shit he thinks she is.
I hope she realizes what a great gift is being offered to her, and takes it.
Posted by: Christine | May 2, 2007 9:01 PM
I hope and pray that she will accept your friend's kind offer. I hope she understands that opportunities like this are rare. I hope by she isn't blinded by that sense of duty you mentioned. I hope that for the sake of her son, she gets the hell out of there while she has the chance. Please keep us posted.
Posted by: Brandi | May 2, 2007 9:38 PM
Maybe you can convince her to at least send her son if she won't go, too. But hopefully she will take you and your generous friend up on her offer.
If I were her, I'd have to cut this man's balls off in his sleep.
Posted by: Belle | May 2, 2007 11:31 PM
My heart was in the pit of my stomach while reading this. Please let her take the offer.
After reading this I am never ever complaining about my husband again.
And he needs his ASS WHOOPED. HARD.
Fucker.
Posted by: Allison | May 2, 2007 11:49 PM
Oh man. I will be keeping very positive thoughts that she will take the offer! Whomever made this offer has an enormous amount of good karma coming their way!
Posted by: Leigh | May 3, 2007 5:40 AM
I hope she takes the offer and I also hope that where she will go will be far enough or discreet enough so that the man will not find her. These situations can sometimes be a lose-lose but you have to hold out for hope. I wish her all the luck in whatever descision she makes and god bless the person that is offering the money. If she doesn't take it just continue to be a confidant and friend and maybe she will pick up on the blogging and not only learn something to help herself out but also with that build confidence. If she stays and needs hosting I will let her use some of my shared hosting (I only use 10% of my available bandwidth a month) until her blog is up, running and succesful enough to pay for itself.
Posted by: James | May 3, 2007 8:15 AM
LOL @ the last part of Belle's comment! Screw while he's asleep. I'd have to do it while he was awake to eliminate any confusion as to who did it.
Posted by: Brandi | May 3, 2007 9:54 AM
I hope she takes the offer. I was in an abusive relationship for years, both mental and physical. Thankfully, no kids were involved...but the worst part was that I was always the one the police would look at, as my ex was half my size. What they didn't realize/know was that he was a blackbelt and knew how to hit without bruising.
She needs to get far, FAR away from him. Not many women are offered a second chance like this...
Posted by: Lisa | May 3, 2007 3:25 PM
Kat, she might not legally be able to leave the state with her son without his permission. I know in Illinois that is the case.
Posted by: Lisa | May 4, 2007 12:00 AM