My Single Mom Life

I would have made a comment the second time.

I thought about this some more.

I used to shush my baby. When he was just a tot, I was always afraid of him making noise, disturbing others.

The mother did not handle the situation properly.

1) She tells the child that if she sees her reach for the candy one more time she is going to get a spanking and then spanked her anyway. At two years of age children know the meaning of the word "no". She should have allowed her daughter to make the mistake again and then followed through with the spanking... Her daughter needs to learn the limits/boundaries but the parent has to be consistant with this.
I know some people do not believe in spanking a child and that is their right as a free will individual. I was brought up that spankings were only administered if we defiantley disobeyed the rules or harmed another individual intentionally.
Let me also say that growing up in my household spankings were rarely given because it was a big deal to have to wait for the punishment because we did not get spanked at the time of the incident... we were made to go to our rooms and ponder our mistake and it also allowed my parents to calm down so that they would not spank us in anger.

2) She gets upset because other people are telling her how to raise her child. I am sorry but I do not think we really have any say on how others raise their children. Whether we agree with their methods or not it is none of our business. Of course there are exceptions and that is if one sees a child being beaten and there definitely is a difference between a spanking and a beating.

How do I raise my kids? Exactly the way my parents raised me.

That's a tricky one. My son is only one and we are having a devil of a time teaching him to respond to "No" (or so it seems). I hope it's sinking in somewhere...but so far I'm not seeing it sticking with him beyond a few hours. There have been a couple of times that I have had to take myself away from him because my frustration was getting the better of me.

I'm constantly having arguments with my father because I do not smack him for doing something that he's not supposed to; I tell him "No". I move right in front of him and tell him "No" and if he still continues I move him away from whatever it is and hold him still (if his playpen is not readiliy available), or I put him in his playpen. I don't believe that spanking teaches him anything at this age except to hit me if I'm doing something he doesn't like.

Would I spank him when he's older? Possibly. It depends what the situation was. I think he would have to do something, very VERY bad to warrant it. If the way he responds to things now is any indication I think time-out will be a much more effective punishment for him than spanking, though.

I don't know if I could because I know that I get frustrated if people criticize the way I'm doing things, although that, so far, has mostly been limited to people grand or great-grandparent age telling me "Oh, isn't he too hot/too cold?" "He's crying why aren't you feeding him?" and one lady at the grocery store snarking at me because I wouldn't let her give him have a cookie because, "You have to let him have sugar some time! It's not going to kill him! He's not diabetic, is he???"

The only other incident I've had with hitting and contradicting another parent was instigated by my son. We were at the pedi and he smacked another child. I picked him up right away and told him off; the other mother said, "Oh, it's alright!" and I told her, "No, it's not. He shouldn't have done that and he needs to know it."

I agree Mindy... the mother said next time but spanked her then.

My issue with my 2 boys that will be 2 next month is that they are still learning what "No" means. We give them 2 changes and then we spank them, which lasts about an hour. But having 2 kids is hard cuz they work off each other, and I too have to walk away and put them in their room so i can cool down.

When we all go in public and "knock on wood" they are both angels, i know it will chagne but im loving it now.

Ok, I do have to say that we don't know what kind of day that woman was having. While it's wrong to take it out on her kid, we all know we've had days we have a short fuse and do things we regret later.

I don't say anything unless it's abusive hitting, not discipline. I'm not the parent and don't want others parenting my son either. It IS everyone's business if you see a child being beaten or abused. I think parents who spank often learn to ignore commenters, or they get defensive out of embarrassment, as we see in your example. I think that I would've said something about the anger part of her spanking. She obviously did it out of frustration not discipline. HUGE difference!

I don't spank my son, who is only 1. I don't plan on spanking him, but never say never not once I currently can use a firm 'not for you' or 'NO" if it's really dangerous. He knows exactly what it means. If he continues the behavior I want changed, I redirect him to something else. Time-outs may come later. I would NEVER let anyone spank my child or speak harshly to them. That's my job alone to do if it's warranted.

All I know is that punishments done in anger/frustration usually don't fit the 'crime'.

I would not say anything to anyone about how they are disciplining their child unless they were full-out beating the kid. Everyone has bad days with their kids; especially out in public, and the 2-year-old was just acting like a typical 2-year-old. The woman in question would definitely not get Mother of the Year award but there were times I screamed at my daughter when she was a toddler and was glad nbody was around to hear me!

I hate the '"If you do that again" type of threat because all the kid hears is "Do that again" -- and they NEVER fail to do it again if you say that. When my daughter was 2 and acted up in public I used distraction tactics to keep her in line, or just scooped her up and held on to her.

There were 2 times I smacked my daughter: when she ran out in front of cars in a parking lot, and when she kicked me in the leg. She got the message because it was such a rare thing for me to do.

Correct response to that mom's situation: leave the store immediate with child. No hitting or yelling. Mine are older (12 and 15) so can't comment on my own. Teenagedom is a whole different ballgame.

I'm a bad mom. I really am. We don't bring my daughter into public if we can help it because she is brat. It is terrible.

She is 3 and looks at least 4 if not older because she is so tall. I have always gotten looks and comments because she looks older than she is. I tend to ignore them.

She does get spanked at home. However, I would never do it in public because I am afraid of getting child protective services called on me. For us, the only two things that work are a spankings and timeouts. Unfortunately, she is extremely stubborn and I am out of ideas to make her mind besides those two methods.

I live in an alternate universe, apparently. Here's how things go where I live:

I was in line at my local store and a 'terrible' two year old was being quite grabby and demanding about candy. The cashier and the mother mostly went about the business of ringing the groceries through. As they were finishing up, the mother calmly explaned to the daughter that all the candy belonged to the cashier and that she had to ask for it. And the cashier apologetically refused to give the child any. It was well choreographed and priceless.

Honestly, I tend to look at things from a social workers perspective. Is the parent doing anything that is injuring the child, other than being pissed that she didn't get to have candy? Nope. Are there better parenting techniques she could have used? Of course. So should I stay out of her business? Absolutely. Most parents, including myself, do things that other parents consider wrong, but to us, they aren't wrong. Would we be offended if someone else butted in and told us how to handle our children? I know I would.

I may not do things like Dr. Phil thinks I should, but my kids are compassionate, curtious, straight A students, and they are that way because I'm not perfect.

When my children did what that little girl did, I said No, firmly. If they kept at it, I would turn their head so they could look into my eyes, and say, "I said no, now put it down and don't touch anything else". If it persisted, which it didn't usually do, I'd smack their hand, and repeat myself. It never went further. Now, when they ask me repeatedly for something, I just glare at them. If that doesn't work, they owe me a dollar. I have a firm rule about asking for anything once we're checking out. One warning and then they start paying.

I've read this post a few times and thought about how to respond. How do I discipline my kids? Well, we do spank in our house, but not a whole lot. I am a yeller, come from a long line of them and my kidz pay totally no attention to it. With Nicklaus, he's 11, we usually take away the PS2 for a while. We also do the time out/sent to room thing also. In reference to the above described scene, the mom was just asking for trouble by not having her kid in a cart. A 2 year old having candy in her face, at her eye level, is going to want it, say "no" all you want, the kid is 2. She was only doing what a 2 year old is supposed to do. And telling her that she is going to get spanked and then whacking her on the butt anyway isn't very consistent. I think the mom was a loon, "if you do that again, you're gonna get a spanking," and then "pop." Makes no sense to me.

At least I'm not the only parent in the world who spanks. There's a fine line between discipline and abuse. With my older two, it hurts them more now to ground them from material things. With the little one, all it takes with her is a little swat and she's good to go.

The mother in question simply lost her cool and should have carried through with her threat instead of spanking her before she done it again. I wouldn't say anything. I don't want anyone jumping in my business if I'm disciplining my kids.

My sisters and I were spanked as kids, but only when we were REALLY in trouble, and we turned out just fine (oh don't say it - I know you want to! LOL).

My kids were spanked, but very rarely - only when absolutely necessary. Now, regarding what to do in public, my kids learned the "evil eye" very early on. They were told before we entered any store or restaurant what they could and couldn't have, what they could and couldn't do. If they did not abide by those rules, the evil eye was given and usually they stopped immediately. If not, they were taken out of the store (quietly), and punished when we arrived home, usually with grounding or having to stand in the corner (oh how they HATED that!). I don't know if it was our method or what, but we very rarely had any trouble with the kids throwing fits or disobeying in public.

Would I say something to someone else hitting their kid in public? Yes. And I have. There's a difference between scolding and hitting, especially on a two year old! In my opinion, that's still a baby! It's the parent's job to TEACH, not assume they inherently KNOW how to act!! I've seen SO MANY parents who think their little kids should just automatically know how to act! It's ridiculous! Besides, it take a village to raise a child, so as a villager I'm gonna speak up when I think it's necessary!