This post about Lindsey Lohan and rehab.
People who know me, know that I do drink today.
Not every day, not every week, not every month. I think I drink about as much as I eat out, which is like once every 2 months.
Oh man, I'm probably going to get so much shit for this, but I have to say it.
I had a problem when I was younger. I lived in a town where it was cold 9 months out of the year, there was nothing for teens to do. Hell, there was nothing for anybody to do.
So we created our own fun in the way of drinking and drugs, parties, crazy stuff.
Drugs were easily available to us living on the southern coast of Maine.
Drugs were brought up from Boston and brought down from Canada.
Weed was growing free in the northern parts of the state.
If you had the money, you had the drugs.
There were many of us who lived that way. It was party after party at someone's house every single night of the week.
Drugs could be easily bought right out in broad daylight in the town square.
That's just how it was.
Many of us lived this fast, hard life, and yes, I lived it harder than most.
I recall one time, a friend of mine was graduating from private catholic school.
Her brother came up from Boston for the graduation, and he drove us to it. Just the 3 of us in the car.
I sat in the back seat, and within a few minutes of pulling out of her parents drive, a huge atlas was tossed at me, and then the biggest bag of cocaine I ever saw landed in my lap.
I was instructed to cut it up, line it out.
The entire 45 minute drive to her school, the 3 of us did line after line.
After graduation, there was quite a bit left, he gave it to her as a gift.
We partied that entire night, and when she passed out, my other friend and I stole the bag and walked 3 miles to the 7-11 and back, (we needed snacks or smokes, something) and with 1 straw, we finished that bag.
In the morning, we lied and told her someone else at the party must have stolen it.
That's how bad I was. I had sniffed away probably a grand worth of coke in 24 hours.
Gee, no wonder I was coughing up blood and shit eh?
But, and here's where the hard AA'ers are going to have an issue with me.
I did have a problem with drugs and alcohol back then. I lived in an environment where it was far too easy for a 17 year old girl to get anything she wanted from drugs to booze.
Anybody would buy booze for us, anyone. It was easy peasy to get anything we wanted.
Once removed from that life, from the easy access, I didn't touch the stuff again.
I haven't touched any of that stuff in over 18 years.
By my own choice.
I only went to meetings for about 4 months after rehab, I had become what I like to call AA-washed, and felt like if I stopped going to meetings, I'd relapse and be a hardcore user again.
I mean, they tell you that you HAVE to go to meetings. You have to. You are an addict and without meetings, without sitting there day after day, listening to these people tell you about how they almost died from drinking or attempting suicide, reciting motto's like it works if you work it, you will find yourself back out there worse than before.
Reciting serenity prayers and carrying around plastic chips, seems all so normal when you are in the fold.
Everyone has a chip, or 20.
I removed myself from the program, (it's not called a program for nothing) and from the people.
I had been AA-washed, and I needed to get as far away from it as possible.
It's cult-like.
I didn't drink again for 5 years. Not a single drop.
I really bought that whole line that one is too many and a thousand is never enough.
I thought I was doomed if I even so much as sniffed a bottle of vodka.
Then one night, I was at a friends and offered a drink.
I took it.
One drink.
I didn't drink again for months, didn't feel the need to, had no desire to drink anything.
Hrm, could it be I could have a drink when I wanted to and not become a full fledged partier like before?
Hrm.
It turns out, I could.
I can drink when I want to, and not drink when I don't want to.
Oh my!
One drink didn't send me into a tailspin of self destruction!
Right now, I have a bottle of wine in the fridge.
It's been in there for the last 5 months.
The day I bought it, I didn't drink it.
I didn't open it for a month.
The night I opened it, I had one glass.
Imagine that!
An alcoholic had a single glass!
Shocker!
Do I like a drink every now and then?
Yup, sure do. I go out with friends, go to sink or swims, get a few drinks, and stop.
I can have a glass of wine with dinner and not need to finish the whole bottle.
I can order a single drink at a bar and not need to keep getting refills.
I've passed on drugs since then too.
I've had offers of stuff all the time, but I don't want it.
I just don't desire it any more.
I don't have a need to snort a grand worth of blow, or smoke a joint.
AA is a cult to me.
It does work for people, there's no denying that, but it's a cult to me.
It convinces people that they have to go to meetings, that they are weak on their own, that they cannot survive in the real world without a meeting and a chip in their pocket.
I do believe it has saved peoples lives, but I also believe people put far too much faith in it, so much trust in this program of steps and gods.
God grant me this and that.
What about you granting it to yourself?
What about you standing up to your own issues and dealing with them?
Rehab got me clean without the god, without the steps. I didn't do them. I flat out refused to do any of the steps, and oh my! I got clean that summer.
I just needed to remove myself from the place and the people, and the ease at which at young girl could gain access to any drug, any bottle, any nightclub or party, where it was available and free.
The only cool thing about AA was the night I went to a midnight meeting, sat in the back row, and Ozzy walked in. He was on tour in Maine, had just finished a show at the civic center, and was going through one of his clean up phases.
He came in with 3 bodyguards, sat in the back, and left before all the handshakes and hugging started.
That was pretty fucking cool considering how I had gotten into trouble in rehab for wearing my Ozzy Randy Rhodes tribute shirt.
They made me turn it inside out because the counselors said Ozzy glorified drugs and booze.
How ironic he showed up to a meeting.
. 
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, which comes out on July 21st.
