My Single Mom Life

At 2:43 in the morning, after close to 2 days in off and on labor, and a very difficult pregnancy,
my first born came into the world.
I knew nothing at all about being a mother, I had no idea what I was doing, he was so damn small.
And needy.
He needed me to do everything for him, and what a frightening realization that is to a young 21 year old girl.
Here I was, supposed to take care of his every need.
I fretted over everything.
He would sneeze or hiccup, and oh, I thought the world was crashing down.
I think I called my mother every single day, at least 6 times a day, to ask her what color good poops are supposed to be, or call crying because his umbilical cord fell off while I changed his diaper, and "Oh my gosh mom! Did I hurt him?!"

I slowly got better at it, started learning the mom ropes, and even discovered my owns ways to raise and potty train a boy.

I was a girl, what did I know of peeing with a penis?
I threw Cheerios in the toilet and told him to "Aim, sink the alien spaceships so the aliens don't get us! Aim boy! Aiiim! Shoot them! Shooot them!"

Together we both learned that it was ok to play with laundry baskets and race them around the house.
He taught me that it was ok to play with him, that he wouldn't break like some china doll.

I should have paid attention to all the early warning signs that he was going to be a connoisseur of all things edible, and started learning how to cook for an army.

I don't know who cried more that first day of kindergarten, me or him.
He was fine till he got on the bus, then all hell broke loose, and the tears fell from both our eyes.

And now here we are, 16 years later, arguing over how late he sleeps in, and to please take out the trash. He's learning to drive, and has just 2 more years left of high school.
The time went far too quickly, and I know, all mothers say that, but it's the truth.
The last 16 years have blown by so fast, I wish I hadn't blinked as much as I did.
I know I missed some things in there.
I had to have missed some, he grew up so big and so strong, smart, sarcastic, and with a wicked sense of humor.
Somewhere along the way, I had to have missed seeing some great thing he did or said, and I can't get it back.

This young man is taller than me, at times smarter than me, (shh, don't tell him I said that) and just an incredibly awesome young man.
Time still goes by too fast, and I'm keeping my eyes wide open for the rest of time.
I don't want to miss out on a single second of his life.
I know he's going to do great things someday, and I want to see them happen.
I want to be sitting in a chair in some audience, applauding the loudest, crying the hardest, and beaming with all the pride a mother could have.
He's my son, my friend, and one of my biggest supporters.
I want to be his mom, his friend, and his biggest fan too.
I already am all those things, but I want him to know he can do it all, have it all, and I'll be there for him no matter how many times I have to ask him to turn it down, mow the lawn, clean his room, I'll still be the person clapping the loudest at every one of his life's achievements.