My Single Mom Life

Of course I can!
I'll whisk myself there with the use of my magic beans!

Seriously, this new hormone doc is already on my nerves, and I haven't even met them yet.
My appointment is at 9am sharp downtown.
On 2nd street in the law building.
They just called and oh so cheerily asked me to arrive 10 minutes early because they need paperwork filled out.

Ya know what?
If Dr. F.'s office can refer me to your office, why can't they fax the paperwork over to your office?
Why must the patient show up to all new appointments with birth certificates and SS cards, and insurance papers in triplicate.
Oh that's right, this doc doesn't take insurance! So what's all this paperwork about?
When was your last cycle? How are your moods? Are you depressed?! Happy?! How often do you get migraines?! How's your stress?!

I'll tell you how my stress is!!
I'm tired, I have not been sleeping well, I've spent almost the entire day in a sleepy fog, I haven't been able to eat, my hips and left leg are on fire today and I don't know why!
I'm trying to do what's best for me and my family, and making a business decision had to be done, and I'm told I'm over reacting! That that's not really what's happening! That there's nothing to be concerned over!
I'm tired of being called a shill and a certain other name which has grated on my nerves from day 1, and I'm tired of the bad press, and I'm tired of being lied to and yelled at, and having all these people I consider friends, called cheaters and watch them get fucked over day in and day out! I'm tired of being told something one day, and then the next being told that that's not how it is, and this is how it's always been when it clearly hasn't been that way!
And I'm struggling to pay my bills, but I'd rather struggle than get fucked over one. more. time!
And I know it pays the fucking phone bill, but god fucking dammit! I'd rather let it get shut off because the price I'd be paying is simply too high!
And I'm tired of watching others be distracted by flashing lights and waving dollar bills, because I know they will get screwed over again and again, and I'll feel sorry and angry for them all over again. And I'm carrying the weight of everyone, even if I wasn't asked to, because I know it will happen again, and somebody has to.
And it disappointed me so much, to learn money was paid to say those things, but I can't say I blame them, it's a lot of money.
*sigh*

Maybe the new hormones this doc gives me will fix everything like Dr. F. says, and I'll be happy and full of energy, and able to put blinders on.
Who knows?
I don't.
Sometimes I just don't have the answers, but I know what's happening isn't right, and I'm exhausted from caring about it and all these great people I've come to know, and I can't help but worry for them and I'm sitting here crying over this stupid shit and I can't help it because I care about these people I barely know and I don't want to see any of them get messed with even one more time.
And it's totally ridiculous isn't it?
That I'm sitting here crying about all this shit, and all these people I care about who think I'm this cold hearted obnoxious bitch, and they can make their judgments and say they're surprised when I express someone else is too obnoxious for my tastes.
And they can say I was wrong for what I did, when they are guilty of the same exact thing, and I shouldn't care.
I just shouldn't care about any of them or this, but I do.
Maybe I do need blinders, so I stop caring about all of it.