My Single Mom Life

I found the brick law building no problem.
Dr. B. was a few minutes late, but that's ok, because I had a stack of questionnaires to fill out for him.

How old are you, what meds are you on now, why are you here, check off all these diseases you might have, surgeries, childbirths, marital status, moods, vitamins, etc etc etc.
9 pages of questions.
So much fun!
Not.

Then Dr. B. comes bursting into the office and says hello with giant grin on his face, and rushes to the back.
A few minutes later he comes out to get me.
I follow him back, left, left, right, right, sit.
Weeeee!

We sit down at this little round table in an absolutely freezing room, and he starts reading the lab reports I had done for Dr. F., and then starts talking to me.
He's this little old German man.
With a stutter.

Dr. B: I-I-I would have to agree with Dr. F., that the reason you are having m-m-m-migraines, and ir-ir-iregular m-m-menstrual cycles, and in-in-increased p-p-pain during that time of the m-m-month, is because your tes-tes-testosterone le-le-levels are so low.

Kat to self: Kat, wipe that smile off your face right now! Stop it!

Dr B.: W-w-we can take care of this with i-i-iether a tes-tes-testosterone cream you would a-a-aply once a d-d-day at night, or w-w-with a tes-tes-testosterone injection once a w-w-week for 6 w-w-weeks. The d-d-difference is one in-in-insurance w-w-will p-p-pay for, and the other it w-w-won't.
Y-y-you also n-n-need t-t-to m-m-make an ap-p-pointment w-w-with y-y-your g-g-gynecologist for an exam.

Kat to Dr B.: I'll take the one insurance will pay for.

Kat to self: Kat! Are you listening to me?! Wipe that smile off your f-f-face right now! This is serious! LOL, Kat!!!! Stop it!!!

Dr B.: Y-y-you said you have tr-tr-trouble sleeping? E-e-explain for me p-p-please?

Kat to Dr. B.: Yeah, I have wicked bad insomnia for days on end. 4 out of 7 days, I don't fall asleep until well after 5am, the other 3 days, I'm awake well after 2 or 3 am. I have to force myself to sleep. I've taken every over the counter sleep aid plus melatonin, and there were even a few times I was so desperate to sleep, I took a couple shots of Nyquil.
When I do sleep, I am only asleep for 3-4 hours at best.

Kat to self: Kat, stop. Now. This poor old man, think of him would you? You're grinning again, stop it, if you bust out laughing, he's gonna feel bad.

Dr. B. : O-k-k-kay, have y-y-you ever t-t-taken Ambien b-b-before?

Kat to Dr. B.: Yes, I have. Right after my back surgery, they gave it to me for 30 days. It worked good.

Dr. B. G-g-good. I am g-g-going to give y-y-you some Ambien as w-w-well as the tes-tes-testosterone in-in--injections. M-m-make s-s-sure y-y-you ask the pha-pha-pharmacist t-t-to sh-sh-show you wh-wh-where on the n-n-needle to f-f-fill t-t-to. It's a very sm-sm-small dose.
I-I-I had a p-p-patient, g--g-give herself the wr-wr-wrong amount every d-d-day in-in-stead of once a w-w-week. This is how m-m-much, and y-y-you only in-in-inject it once a w-w-week. I-i-in 6 w-w-weeks, y-y-you w-w-will come b-b-back, and w-w-we w-w-will see how y-y-you are d-d-doing.

Kat to Dr. B.: Ok, Sounds good, but I have a question, will this make my hair grow faster and thicker, and in places I don't want it to? Like on my face and chest and stuff? I don't want to look like a man ya know.

Kat to self: Why. Did. You. Have. To. Ask. That?!?! Oh my god! Kat! Stop fucking grinning, look out the window or something, think of dead kittens! Fuck he's gonna stutter through this whole answer. Help me. This is serious business Kat, you have to stop!

Dr. B.: Th-th-the p-p-patient wh-wh-who to-t-took to-t-too m-m-much li-li-like I-I-I t-t-told you, y-y-yes, she grew f-f-facial hair, and s-s-some around her n-n-nipples.

Kat to self: Oh my freaking god! N-n-nipples! Hahahahahah! Please Dr. B., I can't take anymore, please let this appointment end. LOL

Kat to Dr. B.: Ok! I will definitely NOT be doing that!

Dr. B.: O-k-k-kay then, I-I-I w-w-will see y-y-you in 6 w-w-weeks.

Kat to Dr. B.: Great, thanks, nice to meet you, have a really nice day!

Dr. B.: B-b-bye b-b-bye. If y-y-you have any qu-qu-questions, p-p-please call m-m-me.

Kat to Dr. B.: I will, thanks!

*Pay my $150 to the nurse, schedule my next appointment for 6 weeks, and haul ass outta the office, practically run to the elevator, get in, the doors close, and I busted out laughing for 8 straight floors to the lobby.
N-n-n-nipples! Bwahahahahahaha!

I laughed pretty much all the way to the bus depot, and then nearly lost it when I passed the Sarasota Herald Tribune building, where they have 5 giant Monistat ovule "art" displayed.

I made it back to my side of town, went to W-w-walgreens wh-wh-where they d-d-didn't have the tes-tes-testosterone in stock, but w-w-will have it t-t-tomorrow.
Hahahahahah!
I told them to just have that and the Ambien ready tomorrow, and I'll go back and pick it up.
Then I went to Publix and grabbed some stuff for dinner, and more soda, and came home.