My Single Mom Life

Last night was one of the hardest nights I've ever had with Sebastian.
I feel so much for him, and there's nothing I can do.

He got that 'awesome' new Big Brother Jimi, and things were going so well.
I was thrilled Sebastian finally had a Big with goals, was athletic, wanted to do fun things with Sebastian.
I was proud of everything he wanted to accomplish.
He was making a positive change in Sebastian.
Jimi has goals and dreams of being a fireman, he went through fire training academy, and worked, but through it all, he kept in contact with Sebastian.
Jimi had hoped that once he finished training, he'd get a job at the local fire department.
That didn't happen.
This is a young man who needs to work, has huge plans for his life, so when he got a job offer to do construction and be on the fire department in Puerto Rico, he took it.

Last night Sebastian got an email that said Jimi was going to New York for Christmas, would be back in January, they would hang out a few final times, and then in February, he was leaving for Puerto Rico for a year.
*crush*

Sebastian got up from checking his email, I could see something was wrong, he went to the bathroom and cried.
I tried to go in, and he said through sniffles he was "taking a poop mom, leave me alone."
He came out and sat next to Mark on the couch, he laid his head on Mark's shoulder, he was trying so hard to hold it all in, then he got up and went to his room.
Mark followed, and I jumped on his email.
I read the words that devastated him.
"I'm leaving for Puerto Rico for a year in February buddy, it's the only work I could get. I promise to see you in January, we'll hang out. I'll always write to you."

I went in to his room, he was huddled under his blankets, sobbing as quietly as he could.
Mark looked at me and said "Mom, it's not fair."
I know, it's so not fair.
His last Big was a complete asshole. Dave never made any time for him, he was always working, he would spend 30 minutes once a month with him, never did anything other than go eat.
Jimi was awesome, they played sports, road bikes, they made plans for their futures together.
Jimi was a guy I was proud to have around him, he was making such a huge difference.
And now he's leaving for a whole year.

I crawled into Sebastian's bed with him, threw my arms around him, and he just cried and cried. "What's wrong with me mom? How come no one wants to spend time with me? Did I do something wrong?"
"Dave never wanted to spend any time with me, treated me like I was dirt. I tried with Jimi mom, I played basketball and road bikes, I did fun stuff with him. Why do they always leave me mom?"
*crush*

I just held onto him and let him cry, told him it wasn't his fault, he's a great kid. Jimi has to work, he has goals.
I'm positive that when Jimi signed up to be a Big, he had every intention of being here, he was trying so hard to get a job with the local fire station, he applied at the fire departments in 4 towns around us, but he's young, and only just graduated fire training, has no experience, they won't hire him.
He needs to work and get experience, and that work and experience is in Puerto Rico.
It's a terrible shame. I feel just awful.
Sebastian is blaming himself no matter what I tell him, he thinks people don't like him.

My son's heart is broken, he's absolutely crushed. He can't understand why his Big's keep leaving him.
I told him it wasn't his fault, he's such an awesome kid, but all he sees is people leave him.
I told him Jimi will stay in touch, he'll keep emailing him, and Sebastian said "Mom, if I wanted a pen pal, I could get one of those at school through their cross country pen pal program. I wanted a Big, like Mark and George. They have been together 10 years mom. What is wrong with me?!
He just cried and cried, so hurt inside, and I can't find the words to comfort him.