Hey honey, did you get the mail?
My neighbor called me up yesterday, asked me to come over for a few, so I went.
I get there and she's wicked upset, like crying shaking upset.
I ask what's wrong and she hands me this package that she opened, it contains 2 DVDs.
They were 2 of the girls gone wild DVDS, uncensored, and the girls on the cover look to be way under the age of consent, but maybe that's one of the reasons why Joe Francis is still sitting his ass in jail.
So anyway, she's super upset that her husband ordered these, and she asks me to help her get rid of them because he'll just look in their trash for them.
I say yeah sure, why not, I'd be pretty upset if my husband ordered this stuff myself.
If I had a husband that is.
About 20 minutes later, her husband pulls into the driveway and checks the mail box.
He comes in the house, asks if the mail came yet, she says yes, she shows him what came.
I've got the package hidden amongst my huge stack of crap junk mail and Netflix movies.
He just stands there and says he has to get back to work.
Now today, he comes home at lunch time again, and again looks in the mail box and asks her if the mail came.
She asks him what he's expecting to come, she'll keep an eye out for it.
He says nothing, just curious what came in the mail.
He leaves and her and I crack up.
He is not gonna tell her what he ordered and waiting for. He ordered porn basically, so he'd be really stupid to say honey, I ordered girls gone wild and they are coming to the house.
What husband in his right mind, would tell his wife about those DVDs, if he ordered them behind her back?
He isn't going to tell her, but every day this week, it will be hilariously funny watching him race home to check the mail.
He won't tell her what he's waiting for to come in the mail, but he thinks he can get the mail before her.
It's funny to me that he's trying to get them before her, but oops, she already got them, and they have been sent out with this mornings garbage collection in my trash cans.
Comments
This is hilarious! The guy is a skeeve, but it's funny that he's not even good at skeevitude. A true skeeve would have gotten a P.O. box that his wife didn't know about, and had his porn delivered there.
And when would he be watching said porn? When his wife was asleep, hoping that she'd not wake up and come out to the living room and see it?
I would kick Mike's ass into the next galaxy if he ever ordered DVDs like this and I found out about it. But I really don't think he would. This is a guy who had a subscription to Playboy when I first met him. He actually canceled it, on his own, without my nagging about it, when he moved in with me. Playboy doesn't bother me that much, it does have well-written articles. It's not skeevy, as other magazines and Girls Gone Wild are. It probably wouldn't have bothered me if he kept the subscription. But he said he didn't need it anymore, now that he has the real thing.
I don't understand how women put up with skeevy guys like your neighbor's husband.
Posted by: Christine | January 29, 2008 1:57 PM
You KNOW how I feel about this kind of crap....serves him right!
Posted by: Devilish Southern Belle | January 29, 2008 5:56 PM
That is funny. I think it's wrong of him to NOT tell his wife...but I see no reason why a guy (or a girl) cannot watch porn. Even IF it is in bad taste - like "girls gone wild..." lol.
Posted by: Simple Mindz | January 29, 2008 6:00 PM
LOL idiot...If you just have to have a porn collection, be discreet about it.
Posted by: Jade | January 29, 2008 6:44 PM
Nothing wrong with it, but really - I haven't needed to BUY porn since I got an internet connection!
Posted by: Tim | January 29, 2008 8:06 PM
LMAO!!! What a Moron... how would he have explained it to her if she did ask? UHM.... that's not mine?
Posted by: Mindy | January 29, 2008 8:53 PM
so what happens in a week when he gets pissed, and calls the company he bought the dvd from, insists he never got it, and demands they refund his money, or send him a new one? i agree that buying porn on the sly and trying to hide it from your wife is fucked up, but what is solved by getting to it before he did, throwing it away and then lying about it?
Posted by: brian | January 29, 2008 10:55 PM
Um, I usually just go to the XXX store with my boyfriend/husband to buy porn. That way, at least, it's not all girl stuff.
Posted by: Absurdist | January 29, 2008 11:17 PM
A "skeeve" Christine. For ordering soft porn? Get real. The wife is just as deceitful for not being honest with the guy. Maybe if she was keeping him happy he wouldn't have ordered the stuff. Sounds like a real healthy marraige. So sad.
Posted by: John | January 29, 2008 11:54 PM
I'm having a mixed reaction here on this one.
First of all, I don't really see what's wrong with a guy ordering porn, married or not. I know a lot of women who don't mind their husband (or wives in some cases) ordering porn and even enjoy watching it together. So yeah, I don't see what her trip is.
However, given that she clearly does not appreciate him watching the stuff I think it's rude and disrespectful of him to essentially go behind her back and order it.
Secondly, wow, she just opens her husband's mail without his permission? I'm sorry but that just strikes me as wrong on so many levels. I like my privacy and if something is addressed to me, then guess what, it's mine back off. She really had no business opening up a package that wasn't even addressed to her.
I bet buying Christmas, anniversary, and birthday presents for her is a pain. =P
Thirdly, what a cowardly response. If she doesn't like the stuff then she needs to handle this situation herself. She needs to say so up front, confront him with the videos and have him send them back. Talk about a waste of money. Plus, he's going to figure out she got to them first, now he'll be more devious and have them sent to a friend's house instead or heck, he might even open up a P.O. box for just that reason.
And finally, what poor taste! I've seen two different GGW videos and they were so cheap it wasn't even funny. Talk about cheap thrills, my friends and I were on the floor and rolling with laughter imagining people actually aroused by those videos. XD We're mean, I know.
Posted by: Joana | January 30, 2008 1:21 AM
Joe is not the first nor the last producer deceived by chix looking to make money. I wont get into it here, but if you take a few seconds to look into it. Its the least of his problems. As for the DVD's in the mail, I would suggest for once, maybe not today, not tomorrow, but once in their lives, to resist the urge to be victims, look in a mirror and ask themselves honestly "What is my contribution to this problem?".
Posted by: Mister Bachelor | January 30, 2008 10:42 AM