My Single Mom Life

The first alternative was Ultram ER 300.
This is a once per day pain reliever.
I felt jacked up, dirty, sweaty, bug eyed, blurred vision.
He also prescribed Flexeril for a muscle relaxer.
The first few days, I was passing out cold within 20 minutes of taking them (the flexeril).
So we stopped taking those as well.

Then we tried Tramadol 50mgs.
Same feelings as above.
Then we cut those in half, and I still felt just as bad, dirty, slimy, and cracked out.

Next up was Zanaflex 4mg.
Really bad reaction.
Racing heart beat, dizzy, sweats, itchy, confusion, blurred vision, slurred speech, nausea, vomiting, muscle spasms in my legs, and just like the other two drugs, strung out.

Yesterday he prescribed 250 mg Soma.
It's a powerful muscle relaxer with a mild pain reliever attached.
I am supposed to take 3 per day.
He gave me a few sample packs and the script to get 90 of them.
I came straight home yesterday, I just didn't feel like going and sitting to wait for it at Walgreen's.
So I came home and opened up one of the samples, and within 30 minutes of taking it, I was out cold.
Upon waking, I was confused and shaky, as well as irritated.
Every time I wake up after taking one, I don't recall right away what day it is, or what time it is.
My sister called this morning and I had just dozed off, it took me about 5 minutes into the phone call, to remember what day it was, and I had to ask what time it was.
I was in a panic not knowing what time it was, because the boys were not here.
It can be very scary not knowing those things.
They call it a soma coma for a reason, and that is one of the things I have to get through to my doctor.
I cannot be strung out or sedated, confusion is so not ok.
I am a mother, I have to be clear of thought.

I have my next follow up appointment with him next Tuesday, March 4th.
I have to get through to him about being sedated, strung out, and the confusion.
I have now tried 4 different alternatives to the narcotics, and am not liking any of them because of the side effects.
You would think that the opiate pain relievers would be the ones to cause nasty side effects, but they don't.
I can actually function on narcotics, and I can't function on the non-narcotics.
My brain is all fuzzy on the 4 drugs I've tried now.
I wish that one of these had worked like the Lortabs, but they just don't.
One of the other side effects of the Soma is dry mouth.
I have drank about 2 gallons of water today, been sucking on ice cubes, and my mouth still feels like I was out licking sand.

This afternoon, my sis took me to Walgreen's to get the script filled, and come back home.
She also gave me a card from her boss, Cary, and inside it was a very much appreciated and very much needed gift.
Cary is just so sweet and kind. She's made sure the boys have had a decent Christmas the last few years, and her and her husband gave the boys some wicked nice clothes a few months ago, stylish in-fashion clothing, and gift cards for new games and such.
But her gift today has made it so I can now afford to get back and forth to every single one of those 7 appointments I have coming up.
That's such a huge relief, because I have to go to all these appointments. (Thank you so so much Cary)
Failure to go makes it look like I'm not cooperating with the doctors orders.
I am cooperating fully with every single thing he asks me to do.
I have 4 more massage appointments, 2 doctor follow up appointments, and 1 appointment to try Biofeedback therapy.
I will try anything he wants to try, but I am at my wits end on the medication testing.
I just can't feel strung out, dirty, confused, agitated, and miserable.
It is causing me to be severely depressed, and I do not like being depressed.
Those commercials about how depression affects more than just the person suffering from it, are true.
If mom is not ok, the teens are not ok.
I try very hard to not show how I'm feeling, but it's very difficult to do sometimes when every single noise sets me on edge, and I feel like at any moment I'm going to bawl my eyes out, then I get mad because I don't want to cry, and end up yelling for no reason.
I'm not yelling at the teens, I'm just yelling out of frustration and not feeling right, not feeling like myself.
I hate being like that, yelling, being upset, sleeping off and on when I should be taking care of my family.
I really am at the point of telling my doc to forget taking me off the narcotics, and I will just deal with them for the rest of my life.
They do not mess up my head the way these others have done.
And the sleeping issues are not ok either.
I take one single pill, pass out for anywhere from 20 to 50 minutes, and then when it comes time for bed at night, I can't sleep the whole way through.
I sleep in spurts of 20 minutes to an hour, then just toss and turn the rest of the night.
I'd rather be on the Lortabs, function during the day, have clear thought, get all my work and house stuff done, be able to enjoy being with my family, and have insomnia at night.
I never thought I'd say I'd rather have insomnia, but right now, I really would rather it be that way.

I know this was a wicked long post, but I needed to say all these things before I take my night time dose and get all foggy headed and pass out again.
Ok, I'm off to try and catch up with some of you before I take that dose.
Later days.