My Single Mom Life

That's the basic title of the article on the cover of this months Cosmopolitan.

Cosmo has that splashed across the cover of their March 2008 issue with Rhianna as the cover model.
I was like, new facts?
What new facts?
Is there something really new I need to know about my girly bits!?

So I rushed to page 234, where I was met with this headline;
Cosmo's Ultimate Guide to Your Va-Ja-Jay
Let's go over these fascinating "new facts" shall we?

1. It comes in a lot of varieties of shapes, sizes and colors, meaning the labia major and minor, or inner and outer lips to most people.
You don't say! Really? No two vagina are alike? Like precious little snowflakes. This isn't a new fact people.
Next!

2. It sweats. As you become sexually aroused, blood vessels in the vaginal walls enlarge and produce sweat and lubrication.
Again, this isn't a new fact to any woman who's ever had sex, thought about sex, or touched herself.
Next!

3. It's not a black hole where things can get lost.
Um, duh. It's anatomically impossible to lose anything in your vagina. It's only about 2 and a half inches long at rest, and there is nowhere for anything to go get lost in. Nothing can just slide up into your cervix.
Next!

4. It gets bigger to make room for any size penis that enters it.
Again, this is not a new fact. It's 2 and a half inches long, and 1 inch wide at rest, but can expand up to 6 inches in lentgh, and 2-3 inches in diameter when something like a penis goes in there.
Most women can take even bigger than 6 inches very comfortably, because the vagina expands and gets more lubricated as the female gets aroused.
I'm pretty sure most women already know this stuff, but Cosmo seems to think these are all new facts.
I think the article writer may be on crack.
Next!

5. And it really balloons to have a baby.
Well I'll be damned. Here's another d'oh moment for the article writer, who at this point I am guessing has either never had sex or is a man reading from a biology textbook.
Nope, it's a woman, Rachel Grumman.
I'm thinking she may have just entered puberty, or just discovered she has a vag.
Next!

6. There's some design flaws.
Yeah, no kidding. Ask any woman who has had a yeast or bladder infection or wiped her ass the wrong way.
Trust us, we know that fecal matter can accidentally make it's way up there.
The other flaw they pointed out was the position of the clitoris.
They wondered why it's outside instead of inside, then it hits them like a brick to the head.
Duh! If the clit were inside where a man's penis could easily stimulate it, then while giving birth, the woman would be in even more painful, over stimulated hell.
That's not a design flaw, that's a blessing in disguise.
And if your man doesn't know how to stimulate your clitoris, teach him ladies.
Don't have bad sex because your man is an idiot.
Please let number 7 be somewhat intelligent.
Next!

7. It needs to be checked out.
Yes! Finally an intelligent statement.
Just as you check your breasts each month, you should check yourself down there too, for changes in color or lesions, if you feel pain, get thee cooter to the gyno pronto!!
Next!

8. Every chick has a different scent.
Again, this is a no brainer, not a new fact. Just as no 2 vaginas look alike, no 2 smell the same either.
All vagina emit an odor, healthy ones, infected ones, aroused ones.
If your vag is healthy, it can be either sweet, earthy or musky, or even pungent.
The scent changes as you pass through your cycle every month, and you should take note of these changes, because if it ever smells different from your normal, get it looked at ladies.
Next!

9. Touching it can help you relax.
I am pretty freaking positive, every woman the whole world over knows this one.
Heck, even brand new babies will roll over onto a stuffed animal and rock back and forth with it between their legs because it's soothing and calming.
Endorphins are released which calms tension and stress, and can also help relieve pain.

Cosmo is a magazine aimed at women, and they've been in business a long, long time.
If they are going to start talking about new facts, then they should be new facts.
None of these 9 items are new facts at all.
Maybe to a teenage girl, they are new for the first time, but they are not new facts, and it kinda pisses me off that they would call them fascinating new facts when they are not new at all.
I mean, this is stuff we covered in my 8th grade health class for girls, and again in 9th grade parenting and health class.

As you read those, did any of you learn something new?
I guess if it helps one person learn something else about their vagina, it's a good article, but they really are not new facts, and have been known by doctors and women for a long, long, freaking time.