My Single Mom Life

I got Sebastian to help me get a picture of my back, because the doc and nurse said there was some discoloration happening back there.
So here's what you're seeing. It is clickable for bigger.

Looking at my back, (it is labeled correctly, that tat in the far upper right, is on my right arm) you would think the part where the biggest swelling is, on the right, would be the painful area.
It's not.
That is swelling from all of the muscles that run across the spine from each shoulder blade, being tightened and pulled because the left shoulder muscle is severely constricted.
That whole area is slightly discolored, yesterday it was a whole lot worse looking, black and blue across my entire shoulder blades on both sides.

That weird indent right in the middle, that is from I was still at the hospital, and an orderly had taken me down again for what was supposed to only be one xray.
I ended up going down, and back up 6 times in a 3 hour span, because no one recorded that it had already been done.
On the sixth and final one, the xray tech jammed the board directly under me instead of under the inch thick xray pad I was laying on, and one of the sharp corners ripped open the stitches in that spot.
When one of my surgical team, Doc. C., came in after I was brought back up, I was crying, told him what happened, and he had me sit up so he could take a look.
It was ripped wide open and bleeding, and he had to go get suture kit to close it back up.
Very painful.
So now I have a weird little indent for the rest of my life, smack dab in the middle of the scar.
It's like a deformed innie belly button on my back.
I've named it Paidin.

You can see the top of the scar, which starts right at the very top of the shoulder blades at T-3.
That's the third thoracic vertebrae.
The scar runs all the way down into my ass crack, and stops at S-1.
That represents the very last Sacral vertebrae right before the coccyx or tail bone, as most people know it.
This is what my back looked like about 4 weeks after coming home and most of the stitches had been taken out.
You can see how long the fusion is, and even though the pic doesn't show my ass crack, trust me that scar line is in there.

I have my CT scheduled for Monday morning at 9:30am, and I am hoping that the pain will be greatly diminished by then.
I know I'll probably end up in another 6-8 weeks of physical therapy, and possibly massage therapy again too, which I loathe, but as I've said before, it's not that it doesn't feel good afterwards, it's that I am not comfortable being mostly naked and having someone rub their giant hands all over my back and glutes.
I just don't like it.
I think I should be allowed to have my shirt on during it. haha

Anyway, I just wanted to show you my back.
It's been awhile since I've posted any pics of it, and now while I'm wide awake again all night, it seemed like as good a time as any.
My left shoulder is still on fire, I can hardly move it or press it against anything.
Let me tell ya, even squatting to pee, is a nightmare.
When you sit or squat, you use every muscle in your back to do so, and it's pulling on the injured area something fierce man.
Every time I have to pee, I cover my mouth and try to quiet the screams of hell.
Just keep your fingers and toes crossed for me, that on Monday they say it's just a torn muscle and not something worse like actually being caught on a pedicule screw or that a nerve is pinched off on a screw.
Either of those scenarios may mean having my back opened up to repair the damage.
A torn muscle will heal on it's own, it will just take some time.
Having it opened back up will be a world of hurt I'm afraid to even think about.

And now I suppose I'll attempt some sleep.
It's very late, and I am tired, I am just fearful of pressing my back down on the bed because it hurts.
Oh, and when you get out of bed every morning, you use every muscle in your back too.
It hurts like being branded with a cattle iron because I've been asleep, the pain meds have definitely worn off over night, and so yeah, burning, stabbing, terrifying pain.