My Single Mom Life

I have awesome kids you know.
They come to me with everything, that open door policy I drilled into them as soon as they could speak and understand, has paid off.
They tell me everything about what goes on at school, girls, their bodies.
Very open and trusting relationship.
I consider myself very lucky.

But then stuff like this comes up, and I feel like I have a fractional ownership in exactly what my responsibilities are towards the school.
Do I tell them and risk my kid getting beat up?
Do I tell him to do something else just to save his own neck?

Here's the situation.
All year long, Sebastian has been bothered by another student who wants him to smoke pot.
The whole year, this kid has asked him to smoke during lunch, hang and smoke after school, buy some, take a hit, just try it.
The whole damn year.
And Sebastian is an incredibly awesome kid, he has come up with some kind of excuse the whole year, as to why he can't smoke.
He's hungry, doesn't want to miss lunch, has to get home after school, his mom needs him to do chores and homework, doesn't want to get caught, doesn't want to smoke but hey man, it's cool if you do, not my bag man but have at it.

Sunday is 4-20.
That's the international pot smoking holiday, for those of you unaware.

So this drug pushing kid has been planning how to get Sebastian to smoke, and seeing as Monday is the day after the biggie holiday, he plans on giving Sebastian a bag of weed and something to smoke it out of during 7th period, the last class of the day.
He plans on just putting it in Sebastian's back pack if Sebastian won't willingly take it.
Which he won't.
He's said no about 200 times this year, he doesn't want it.

But here's where we have a major dilemma.
Does Sebastian turn this kid in, he won't tell me the kid's name because he knows I'll make the call, or does he take it and get off school campus asap, just to save his own ass?
He's terrified that if he turns this kid in, he'll get beat up.
The kid and his "friends", are not nice people. They live in the ghetto portion of our city, they are always in trouble at school for one thing or another, and Sebastian wants no part of any beating that could come his way as a result of ratting this kid out.
Or, does he just let it get in his back pack, get off school grounds without being busted by the school po-po himself, and I flush it down the toilet?

I called the school anyway.
I spoke to the school officer, I gave him no information at all.
Not my name, not Sebastian's, nothing that could identify my son as the rat.
I explained what's happened all year and this kid's plan to slip it in the back pack during 7th period.
The officer was very understanding, he understood my need for anonymity, and Sebastian's.
He said there are two and only two things we can do.
I can try to get the name out of Sebastian this weekend, and because the school is already planning on having a "pot problem" on Monday, the day after the pot holiday, they (the school po-po) can simply walk the halls with their dogs and sort of casually and accidentally, come upon the kid holding the weed.
Or, Sebastian upon receiving the weed, when the bell rings to let class out, go straight to the office, ask for an officer, and turn the weed over to them.
They will not punish him if he turns it in, I was promised that they would do nothing to Sebastian if he turns it in.
The officer said that students find drugs all the time and they turn them in.
They are only asked where it was found, and then they are let go with a word of thanks for being honest.
He said if Sebastian walks off campus knowing it's on him, if it's found out later that he held it, he will then face trouble, suspension or expulsion is likely.

I asked the officer 3 times for his word, that if my kid turns this in, he will not be asked to rat out the kid, and he will not face punishment.
My kid doesn't want it, has said no in every possible way all year, and the big day is now coming and he's absolutely terrified.
Could I keep him home Monday?
Yes, but the kid has said he will give it to him whenever he returns to school.
One way or another, Sebastian is getting this bag of weed.
This kid is intent on giving Sebastian pot no matter what.

I am going to try talking to Sebastian all weekend, try to assure him that he will be safe, and I will leave the decision to him. I can't force him to rat this kid out knowing how much he fears this other student who is by the way, a senior.
The only reason they are in this class together is because it's an elective in computer and digital design, the field Sebastian is interested in, and a lot of seniors take it for the extra graduating credit.
I will leave it up to him but I will make him understand he can't leave campus with it, he'll be in major trouble if it's found out later he had it on school grounds, he either has to tell the kid's name, or turn it over when the bell rings.

It sucks people.
It truly sucks that Sebastian has been under this kind of pressure all year, but I am so so proud of him for coming home and telling me everything all year.
He's honest with me, he tells me what's going on, his thoughts, his fears, and he asks me for my help.
I knew he was under this kind of stress, and I did attribute some of the big fight he and I had to this situation, and I always make time for him when he wants to discuss it, and we do.
He usually drops it after a few minutes, says it's so hard to deal with, not sure what to do, but I also know he has many other stressors.
Being a freshman isn't that easy, the work is harder, there's far more students than middle school, puberty, everything, and it all builds up.
I'm trying here, I really am, but even with all the back and forth the teens and I go through, I am so greatful they come to me with this stuff.
I am lucky beyond words that they trust me to talk about this kind of stuff.
I can't even imagine going through this and not being able to talk openly with your parents for fear of being punished for even "associating with those kinds of people".
He's doing his very best to survive public high school, and I'm doing the very best I can, to help them survive.
I wish this was easier for all of of us, but it makes my heart swell when they come to me with this kind of stuff.
I'm doing something right here, I know I am.
Being a single mom is tough work, but times like this lets me know I'm doing ok.
My kids trust me to talk about anything, even super bad ass stuff like this.