My Single Mom Life

I need to be totally alone in the bathroom for like 20 minutes, so I can Veet off all my legs hairs.
The problem is that we only have the one working bathroom, and it never fails, as soon as I get in there and ready to do my stuff, one of them needs to pee or take a dump.
Usually it's taking a dump, so now that I'm standing in the tub with the shower curtain drawn, they proceed to take the most foul smelling turd of their lives, and I'm trapped in there with the stench of whatever it is that's been rotting in their intestines for the last 2 days, and stuff all over my legs.
Trapped.
I even go so far as to ask them if they need to use the bathroom before I get started, and they always say nope, it's all good mom, go for it.
I think they hold in their turdnuggets until I'm in there taking a shower or removing leg hairs.
I swear they do it on purpose.

But what I might do is give them like a huge bowl of chips and other foods, make them a couple of sandwiches, some sodas, and maybe, just maybe, they'll be so busy eating and playing video games that I might actually get to remove the leg hairs and wash my hair before the stinky dumpers have to smell the place up.
And what's really terrible is that there is a can of air freshener sitting right on the back of the toilet, and they purposely don't use it after taking a dump if I'm in the shower.
Mark will come in, say sorry mom, I gotta drop the kids off at the pool, and then he'll stink it way up in there, and I'll tell him to spray the damn air freshener, and he'll laugh and say "Nope, smell it, smelllllll it! Mwuahahaahhaa!" and then leave the bathroom with me stuck behind the curtain with goop all over my legs and I can't get out and spray the air freshener myself.
I'm telling ya, they do it on purpose.
I just know it.

One of these days, I'm going to hold a big nasty turd in, I'll make my chili cheese dip and eat all of it and then wait until the next time I have to go, and then when one of them is in the shower, I'll say ooops, sorry, I gotta drop the kids off at the pool.
And when I'm done, I'll take the can of air freshener out of the bathroom when I leave.
And shut off the light too.
Mwuahahahaha!