My Single Mom Life

This story just breaks my heart.
You really need to read this whole article, it is just so sad.

She was 82. He was 95. They had dementia. They fell in love. And then they started having sex. Because both Bob and Dorothy suffer from dementia, the son assumed that his father didn't fully understand what was going on. And his sputtering cell phone call reporting the scene he'd happened upon would have been funny, the manager said, if the consequences hadn't been so serious. "He was going, 'She had her mouth on my dad's penis! And it's not even clean!' " Bobs son became determined to keep the two apart and asked the facility's staff to ensure that they were never left alone together.

After that, Dorothy stopped eating. She lost 21 pounds, was treated for depression, and was hospitalized for dehydration. When Bob was finally moved out of the facility in January, she sat in the window for weeks waiting for him. She doesn't do that anymore, though: "Her Alzheimer's is protecting her at this point," says her doctor, who thinks the loss might have killed her if its memory hadn't faded so mercifully fast.

They were both old, they both had dementia, but they are still human beings with needs and desires.
Every person, regardless of age, has the need to love and be loved.

Before Dorothy came along, the manager said, Bob was really kind of a player and had all the women vying to sit with him on the porch. But with Dorothy, she said, "it was love." One day, the staff noticed that they were sitting together, then before long they were taking all their meals together, and over a matter of weeks, it became constant. Whenever Bob caught sight of Dorothy, he lit up "like a young stud seeing his lady for the first time." Even at 95, he'd pop out of his chair and straighten his clothes when she walked into the room. She would sit, and then he would sit. And both of them began taking far greater pride in their appearance; Dorothy went from wearing the same ratty yellow dress all the time to appearing for breakfast every morning in a different outfit, accessorized with pearls and hair combs.

They met, started liking each other, started getting those feelings of being wanted and desired, feeling younger, and therefore, taking better care of how they looked.
They wanted to appeal to each other, look good for one another, they may have been old in body and age, but in their minds and hearts, they were young and in love.
How many times can any of us say that we have found love?
Once?
Twice?
Will any of us be lucky to find love again in our last days, and will our children want us, allow us, to be happy in those final last years and days of our lives.
Not Bob's son.

When Bob's son became aware of these trysts, he tried to put a stop to them--in the manager's view because the son felt that old people "should be old and rock in the chair." When I called Bob's son and told him I was writing about the situation without using any names, he passed on the opportunity to explain his perspective. "I don't choose to discuss anything that involves my father," he said, and he put the phone down.
But according to the facility manager, the son was convinced that Dorothy was the aggressor in the relationship, and he worried that her advances might be hard on his father's weak heart.

Dorothy's son-in-law, who is a doctor, suspects Bob's son of fearing for his inheritance. Bob had repeatedly proposed for all to hear and called Dorothy his wife, but his son called her something else--a "gold digger"--and refused to even discuss her family's offer to sign a prenup. According to Dorothy's daughter, Bob's son told her, "My father has outlived three wives, including the one he married in his 80s, and your mother is just one of many." But surely Bob's safety was a true concern, too, and maybe his son had religious or moral qualms? "I don't think so," the manager said. "I don't think he meant his dad any harm, but he couldn't see what his dad needed....He wanted his dad to have a relationship but on his terms: You can sit together at meals, but you can't have what really makes a relationship, and be careful how much you kiss and don't retire to a private place to do what all of us do."

A gold digger?
At her age and state of mind?!
The woman had dementia! It is highly unlikely that she was thinking of outliving Bob and inheriting all his money.
Bob's son sounds like a greedy asshole, not really concerned for his father's health or safety, but more concerned with his father's money that would someday be his.
Bob's son finally had him removed and placed in anther home, far away from Dorothy.

When her daughter mentioned Bob's name--Bob, who was led away in January, shouting, "What's going on? Where are you taking me?" right in front of her--it wasn't clear how much she remembered: "He came and he went, and there's nothing more to say."
Though Dorothy might or might not remember what happened, "there's a sadness in her" that wasn't there before, the manager said. Bob "gave her back something she had long lost--to think she's pretty, to care about her step and her stride." She eats in her room now rather than in the dining room where she shared meals with Bob. And she no longer plays the piano. A new couple in the facility has gotten together in the last few weeks. The manager called their families in right away and was relieved to see that they were happy for their parents, and the families have been taking them on outings together. As a result of the whole experience, the manager, who is 50, recently had a different version of "the talk" with her 25-year-old daughter, instructing her never, ever to let such a thing happen to her or her husband: "I hope I get another shot at it when I'm 90 years old."

This really just broke my heart when I read it this morning.
Bob and Dorothy were lucky enough to find love again, to care about someone else and themselves.
Their self esteem rose, they took pride in how they looked, and they shared something special with another person.

I know most of us don't like to think about our parents having sex, or our grandparents, but just because people reach a certain age, it doesn't mean those desires and feelings just vanish.
There are stories out there about older couples who when one spouse dies, the other dies within the year, and doctors and family believe that the spouse left behind, died of a broken heart and loneliness.
Life in nursing homes is hard enough for the elderly.
If you've ever had an elderly family member in a home and gone to visit them, they are cold and lonely places.
The elderly love it when family comes to visit them because of how alone they are.
They may be in a building full of people, but in their rooms, they are alone, they spend hours and hours per day, completely alone with no one to talk to, no one to love them.
I think it's awesomely wonderful that two old people can find love again, be happy, and it's so sad and selfish, to take that away from them just because they are old or may have dementia.
Having Alzheimer's doesn't mean you have no feelings any more, it just means you don't have the memory you once had, and it certainly doesn't mean that you shouldn't be allowed to love.

I really hope that my sons will allow me to be happy in my final years if I'm lucky enough to find love again.
They may not want to think that old people having sex is ok, but all people have those needs and desires.
Just be happy for them that they found love and happiness again.
They don't have much time left, just let them be happy and be loved, be in love.
It's one of the greatest feelings in the world, and no one should be denied that, especially in their final years of life.