The teens and I had a talk.
My first surgery was extremely hard on the boys.
Sebastian didn't handle it well at all, Mark did ok, but if we ever talk about that time, they both get a little shaky and start tearing up.
I had to talk to them about the possibility of a neck surgery, it won't be anything like my spine fusion at all, it's a one day thing, and out of the hospital in 2-3 days, shorter recovery time, much much shorter recovery time.
They got very upset, I knew they would, but it was something that we had to talk about, they need to be prepared in case it happens.
I told them about all the help that we would have this time, Mindy said she would definitely help take care of them, my sister as well, it would be much easier this time.
They told me all of the fears they have about it, the what ifs, and I can totally understand that because I have those what if thoughts myself.
They told me that I have to tell them everything, every visit with a doctor must be explained to them when I come home, no details are to be left out.
They said knowing every detail helps them deal with it much better.
I hope so.
After our talk, they were ok, they said that they will be ok as long as they have people to lean on, people to talk to and just listen if they need to talk.
I assured them that they would have all of us around to help, we'd be here for them and it would all be ok.
They are scared and I so totally understand that, I'm scared myself.
I really don't want another surgery but if that's what I have to do, then that's what I have to do.
We will keep talking about it, they insist on knowing everything, so I'm hopeful that they will be able to handle this a bit better than the last time.
It's so hard.
I'm all they have, they are all I have, and things like this are very scary for all of us.
I know I'm rambling right now, I'm flooded with all kinds of emotions and thoughts and have been since my appointment today.
It's just not what I wanted to hear and I'm hoping upon hope that Doc R is wrong.
I want Doc M to say nope, it's not that bad, we don't have to do anything drastic, and the waiting until the 15th is just going to be so hard.
I will try not to talk about it much, I know people get sick of it all, I am sick of it all, so I will try like crazy to not talk about it, but when I get overwhelmed with emotions like right now, I'm probably going to bust out rambly posts like this one.
Comments
What would a blog be without rambles? I hope to never know ;)
I'm seriously keeping you in my thoughts. I can only imagine how terrifying the thought of another surgery is.
Posted by: Jade | July 2, 2008 1:44 AM
I am so sorry you didn't get the news you had hoped for......but perhaps Doc R is wrong. And if not, you and your boys can handle it. Even if it's scary and not something you want to do, you know that you and they are capable of getting through it. I am just glad that if you have to have anything done, it's not as difficult of a surgery and the recovery time is much faster.
I will be thinking of you!
Posted by: Devilish Southern Belle | July 2, 2008 2:17 AM
I'm sorry to hear about what you may have coming up. I wish you and your boys all the best. I don't think you should worry about "rambling". I think your honest conversational way of posting is what makes people come back. It's what got me!
Posted by: Gina | July 2, 2008 6:15 AM
I am so sorry that they have found some thing wrong with the vertebrae in your neck. Maybe there is another treatment that can be done instead of surgery like a laser treatment.
Wish we were closer so we could at least try to help. I am sure all will be well JUST KNOW WE LOVE YOU LOTS.
Posted by: Mom | July 2, 2008 8:01 AM
Yikes -- I don't know what I would do if I needed another surgery. It's my biggest fear. And having it be tough on your kids is probably the hardest thing of all. Here's hoping that surgery is something you can avoid!!!
Posted by: Chris (Singer) | July 2, 2008 9:14 AM
Talking helps sort things out. It also helps relieve fears and anxiety. So I say ramble on woman! You have two of the greatest kids. I truly mean that. Sure they can be rotten teenagers but we have all been there. Keeping them informed like you plan on doing helps them deal with what you are going through and what their role will be.
Posted by: Mindy | July 2, 2008 9:34 AM
The boys have matured a lot since the last surgery, and I think that as long as you keep the lines of communication open, you'll all be fine. Not that it isn't a scary thing, because it is...but it's something you will deal with as a family.
You guys have so much support, from Mindy and her family at home, and from so many of us online. If it helps to rant and whine online, do it, it's all okay!
Posted by: Christine | July 2, 2008 11:23 PM