My Single Mom Life

Kat, My oldest was recruited while he was in high school and he went into the Army right after graduation. Of course there were no wars going on at that time. But the Army made him a better person. My daughter joined in 2005 and it has made her a better person even after going to Iraq and about to go for a second tour. It is hard on us parents but it really is a good experience for the kids. It's helps them grow into better people.

I am torn on this. Long before I met Mike, he had to drop out of MIT back in the 70's, because he ran out of money to keep going to school. He was in his early 20's, and decided to join the Navy because there weren't many other job opportunities out there, and moving back home with his mommy was NOT an option.

Mike served in the Navy for six years, then decided he'd had enough and did not re-enlist. He never served during wartime, he joined during the tail end of 'Nam, and they were no longer sending people there. But due to what education he got at MIT, he was picked to do some top-secret radar stuff on ships, and this experience actually helped him get jobs in the future. And he finally did get his degree from MIT...in 1999! He says that his Navy experience was a positive thing, even though he chose not to make a career out of it (although they did try to convince him to do so).

But then again, recruiting is rampant in the crappy town where I live. You saw the video, read my many rants about this place. Only about 60% of the kids at Malden High pass the MCAS, many of them drop out and never graduate. Very few go on to any good college. Within a few blocks of the high school, there are recruiting centers for every branch of the military that you can think of. No doubt they send people into the schools and try to recruit kids who may not have many other opportunities. Seems to me, they want them poor and stupid. Also, we have a high crime rate here amongst teens, and many are being offered "the military or jail" choice.

Mark may come from a low-income home, but dumb, he is not. And not an FFA member, either. As it was with Mike, there are good opportunities for smart people in the military. But if Mark can get himself into a college and you can get financial aid for him, that might be the best way to go.

Mike had problems getting aid when he was not much older than Mark, because the financial aid people look at parents' income at that age, and they decided that Mike's parents could afford to contribute more than the did. The reality is that they gave him NOTHING (in fact, his father STOLE his college money that he'd worked for and saved for years), then his mother dared to write to the Navy and complain because they let her 20-something son enlist.

Steer Mark towards college or at least a trade school, so that he has another choice besides the military. But you are right, if he really wants to enlist, there is nothing you can do. Just try to show him what other options there are, so he can make an informed choice.

Good luck.

Kat, I would have to be with you on this. My son is only 15 months but he is a mamma's boy. I make no arguments that it will make him a better person but that is my baby boy. I want him (all my kids for that matter) to live at home forever. My kids, their spouses and their children. I commend those men and women that do go and serve our country, but I want my son to stay home.

Hey Kat...

I agree with you, I am a US Navy Veteran myself and have to tell you, I don't want my son to enlist either. I don't feel that it makes us "selfish", just in these uncertain times and with all going on now in Iraq and how these guys and gals are so messed up when they come home....I just don't want my son, or anyone's son or daughter to have to go through that. You know joining the Military to fight at HOME for your own country you know is one thing...its not what it use to be anymore, sadly enough.

Kat---don't try to tell him what to do. Provide him with options and choices. Let him make an educated decision. If you end up showing him some pics of soldiers with a leg or arm gone that's your option :)

Let him make his choice and support him either way. He'll still be your boy

Kat, My William is 16, almost 17 and has been talking for a couple of years now about joining the army.

Bill (my DH) was in the Royal Engineers when he was younger so I think that's what sparked William's interest.

We have the miltary recruiters going to the high schools here in Australia as well but it's nothing like you have described it! Here in Australia, if you want to join, you have to go to them.

William's just told me that there's a recruitment training day in a couple of weeks that he wants to go to. The minimum age is 16 yrs 9 mths, which he is.

I really don't want him to do it or join the army but I do know that it's his choice and support him with what he chooses to do. He's my eldest and my only boy. I also know that it will do him good. But he's still my baby and I don't want him to get hurt.

So I know exactly how you feel, Kat :)

TELL MARK TO THROW THOSE PAPERS AWAY AND GO TO SCHOOL AND LEARN A TRADE OR GO TO COLLEGE AND WORK TO HELP PAY FOR IT. 30,000 ISNT MUCH GOOD IF YOU HAVE NO ARMS OR LEGS. ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD COULD NEVER MEAN AS MUCH AS MARK DOES TO US.

I hear your dilemma Kat. My boy isn't at that stage in his life yet. My mom went through the same worries when my brother enlisted. He is now doing a stint in Iraq and I know my mom is watching over him from heaven keeping him safe. I have to agree that helping your son make an informed decision is sage advice from the others who have written in.

My kids graduated in 2006 & 2008 and they're STILL being recruited. Every time my daughter talks about maybe enlisting in the National Guard I get nervous & scared, but at the same time, like you, I know it isn't my choice. We all just have to hope that this world gets better & we, as parents, don't have to be afraid we'll lose our kids in this war.

I felt the exact same way as you do. I say felt because Jeff has done his homework on possibly joining the military. Right now there is no way I could afford to send him to college even with grants and scholarships. I would still have to shell out some money and right now it just isn't feasible. So.. Jeff looked into the possibility of the military to pay for his college while he puts in some time. He will need to take his ASFAB test and possibly go in as an officer instead of a private. He is dead serious on engineering, preferably aerospace which would lead him to the the Air Force. We shall see though.

Its a scary thought, and being a Mom of a boy it makes it even harder to even think about it. My Boyfriend's Son is only 16 and was told already that he WILL NOT be allowed in any military because of his health issues. While he was sad, he is relieved. This scares me, because my Son has none but is a only child. I guess I will cross that bridge when it comes....hopefully not for a long, long time...