My Single Mom Life

The last few days have been pretty stressful for me, I've been shown, once again, that there are people who are just terrible human beings.
I don't sleep much anyway, been battling insomnia for years, but the last few days, I've barely slept at all, barely ate at all.
Who needs diet pills when you are so stressed out and sickened that you can't even eat.

I have lost trust in people, I don't know who to trust, who not to trust, I am lost.
I am hurt, angry, feeling completely betrayed, and I have this absolutely horrible pit-of-my-stomach sick feeling that someone pretending to be my friend, is a part of what happened.

I know that by blogging, by being online, I have put myself in this position of being a target, but at the same time, I always try to believe that people will be good to each other, treat each other right, fairly.
People often tell me that I shouldn't put so much trust in people because most people are only in it for themselves, would trample you in a heartbeat to get for themselves, that I shouldn't take anyone's word for anything, that people are liars, thieves, just all around rotten people.
But I always want to see the best in people, I always want to look past whatever mistakes people have made, and try to find the good in them.

But now?
No, I can't do that anymore.
I *know* I am being lied to by someone who is claiming to be a friend, there's just too many coincidences in timing, in things said, in their behavior, and it really saddens and angers me that they were a part of this plan to hurt me.
I have lost all trust in people, I am completely lost here.

I am also very upset with myself, to be feeling this angry and having intense feelings of revenge.
I am NOT a mean person, I am not the type to seek out revenge, intentionally hurt people, but I am feeling that way and I hate it.
I hate that I feel like this, I hate that someone spent almost 2 years hating on me because I post a lot, post to my blog, post to forums, and when push came to shove, they claimed it was all a joke, "Ha ha, just having some fun, never meant to hurt you, just kidding Kat, just playing around."
Just kidding for almost 2 years?
I don't think so.
You can't have all that hate for someone for that long, and then turn around and call it a joke when the center of your hatred finds out and handles it through legal means.

I talk a lot, I post a lot, sorry if that bothers people, and if it bothers them now, just wait.
The revision surgery I'll be having may make it so that I can't speak at all for a minimum of 3 months.
I'll have a trach tube in my throat, and a feeding tube in my stomach.
I won't be able to eat, drink, or speak.
I won't be able to even talk to my own sons for months, all communication even within my own home, will be done through text.
I have a lot going on, and maybe that's why after several emails back and forth last night, they took it all down, they removed everything they said, they felt guilty for doing it, but still, calling it all a joke, a 2 year long joke?
No, you don't get to play that card.
And you don't get to call yourself my friend.