My Single Mom Life

Well, if you're a horrible person because you don't get it, then I guess I'm a horrible person too. Loneliness does suck, but right now this woman needs to focus on herself and taking care of her upcoming arrival!

My sis has been the same way most of her life, jump from relationship to relationship. Granted, she never went into a new one preggo with someone else's baby, but she just would never stay single. Sadly, the new men in her life would be just a little worse than the last one was and now she's married to a wife and animal abusing piece of garbage!

I am trying to put myself in this person's shoes. I think if I was in this position, I would be dating because I would want someone to love me and the baby. Feeling a lack of love at that point- getting knocked up and left alone.

I don't believe someone should be dating if they are in this situation but there are a lot of factors as to why someone could be dating. Oh psychology!

If I was in this person's shoes, I would understand cuz guess what?
I was!
I had Mark, he was almost 2, and I was pregnant with Sebastian when my husband and I split up when I was only 3 months pregnant.
We got officially divorced in February 2004, , Sebastian would turn a full 1 years old that coming June 1st as he was born in 1993.
Dating was the absolute last thing on my mind.
All I could focus on was my child, and the one on the way.
Period.
Dating a new man never even crossed my mind until Sebastian was a good almost 2 years old, but even then, I was so focused on my children, that I didn't have a date again until Sebastian turned 3, and the date turned into a relationship that lasted until the end of May 1997, I moved here in June 1997, and didn't date again for another year.

I am not going to tell you that you're an asshole, because I agree with you 100% here.

Some women are too damned desperate to have a man, any man, in their lives, that they will take up with whatever comes along and looks their way, without considering the consequences. And often, said circumstances turn out to be tragic.

Recently, there was a story on the news here about some guy who was arrested for beating his girlfriend's 11 month old daughter. This asshole was NOT the father of the child, this was just some jerk that she was dating. I swear, some women are so desperate for a man that it turns off their brain cells or something.

I might also add that said mother had another child who was taken away by DSS, why, it didn't say. Oh, and she is only 21 years old.

It amazes me how some women will accept any man into their lives, into their homes, let them be around their children, without knowing much of anything about them. A lot of the guys who date these women are just looking for some nookie, they don't want to play daddy, and they might well abuse the baby if s/he cries too much. It happens all the damned time. I used to live in an apartment building, upstairs from a woman like this. I used to babysit her kids once in a while.

As for the woman you are talking about here...she made a mistake, she got pregnant by some guy who wasn't prepared to stick around, and now she has to live with that choice. It's too late now for a legal abortion, but not too late to give the baby up for adoption. I am wondering if that would be the best option for her now. If she is trolling about for a man to play daddy, maybe she is not ready to be a mother at all, single or otherwise. Maybe she needs to just grow up a bit, and when she finds a good man to marry and settle down with, then they can have a baby. I realize that even marriage doesn't always work out, people get divorced...but it's still better than just having babies with guys one is *sorta* dating, and then looking for a new babydaddy when the real one hits the road.

I agree with you, she needs to be focused 100% on this child that she is choosing to bring into the world without its father around, and do the best she can by that baby.

Oh, and how about these women who get pregnant out of wedlock, but don't want to get married because they are *not ready for a commitment*? Well, sheesh, what the hell do they think a baby is?

I don't understand any of this, either. I guess I am an old-fashioned geezer, too. So bust me!

It doesn't really have much to do with old-fashioned values. It has more to do with an insecure person who cannot tolerate being alone, who MUST have an emotional attachment in their life. Women and men can be emotionally dependent, jumping from relationship to relationship for fear of being alone. And for them, a baby isn't sufficient - even though that's the only completely unconditional love we are ever likely to experience in our lifetime. (Although a dog works well for that, too.)

I've honestly never given any thought to a single pregnant woman dating. It DEFINITELY shouldn't be a priority, though. No way. Coming baby, and getting your life ready for that is a priority! But I don't think it's necessarily 'wrong' for a pregnant woman to have a date or two, if a guy is okay with it. But dating around? Kinda skeezy.

Even without being judgemental, it is very odd, if nothing else.

I married a single mother. She had 3 kids, but those kids were already out of the womb ;-). I think I may not have dated her had she been pregnant at the time (too strange?)

I'm sure that the shape of a hidden football is attractive to some. Buuuuut, what about the child who is coming? Unless she is looking for a feedbag to help her with the child. I don't know. I do not think the same way that she does at all. You are right, she should be thinking of the baby and her health if nothing else. She must be really lonely to go to such extremes.

Sorry Kat, this msg is actually for Holly the firist comment listed on this post. I went to her sight directly and couldn't figure out how to leave a comment. Sorry. I'm very new at this and your sight (Kat) is the most "user" friendly. Anyway, I wanted to say something about Holly's comment re the "animal abusing piece of garbage". Please say or do something to help that animal. Please don't just KNOW about it and do nothing. You can do or say something to the local animal protection group, that will never come back to you. Please, please, please don't ignore any animal in distress. I'm sorry. I don't mean to judge you. I know this is not the subject. I just couldn't get your statement out of my mind. I hope you are a regular reader of Kats. I am. Again, I'm sorry Kat. This should've gone directly to Holly's sight. I wish I was better at figuring this all out. I'm getting better. Holly, please do something to help that animal. Please.