My Single Mom Life

I am a single parent, a mom, (just sayin' in case the name of this blog isn't clear enough) so that means that there isn't a dad in the teens lives to have certain conversations with, to teach them certain things.

Potty training was easy.
When I was teaching them to poop in the potty, I gave rewards at the end of the week if they did not have any accidents and used the potty for every single poop.
I didn't give lame rewards like a piece of candy, or a sticker on a chart, or something like that, nope, I would take them to the store and let them pick a new action figure. (they were cheap then, $3-$5 per full size action figure)
They were both fully poop potty trained in about 1 month.
They were both heavily into Batman and the Power Rangers, so getting them to poop was as easy as singing the theme song.

They've got a power and a force that you've never seen before
They've got the ability to morph and to even up the score
No one will ever take them down
The power lies on their side
Go, go, Power Rangers
Go, go, Power Rangers
Go, go, Power Rangers
You, Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers

They know the fate of the world is lying in their hands
They know to only use their weapons for defense
No one will ever take them down
The power lies on their side

Go, go, Power Rangers
Go, go, Power Rangers
Go, go, Power Rangers
You, Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers

I've had to be the one to talk about where babies come from, sex, safe sex, oral sex, (that was one hell of a conversation!) explain puberty and all of the physical body changes that were going to happen to them.
You know, like hair growing in thicker and darker, and in places like their arm pits, chin, upper lip, the possibility of a unibrow and what we could do to take care of that, and hair also growing in really thick, really dark, and curly, in their private part areas.
I've had to tell them that hair would grow all around, and on their balls, that it would get really thick as they got older, and that eventually they would need to trim it down so as not to get it caught in any zippers, because that would be so painful they would want to die, and to also not look like a throwback to the caveman days.
They each have their own hair/beard trimming kits with the clippers and all of the attachments, and I've had to show them which comb to use with the clippers on their pubic hair so they wouldn't cut themselves, and so they get the best trim*.

I've had to have the pregnancy/std/unwanted pregnancy talks, and explain what a condom is, what it does, and yup, I've even showed them on a cucumber, (just like my sex ed teacher did in 6th grade!) how to put one on.
I've had to discuss childbirth and babies, baby care, and abortions, and the woman's right to choose, and child support, and how very important it is if the girl chooses to keep the baby, and that they would get jobs, pay support, buy diapers, and most importantly, spend time with their child because while the money pays for what the baby needs, being a father, a real dad, is the most important thing a real man can and will ever do for his kid(s).

And just yesterday, (Monday) I had to have the sweaty balls talk.
When both of the teens came home from school and started complaining that their balls were sweaty and sticking to their thighs, I knew it was time to teach them the "sweaty balls no more trick", they were obviously ready if they were complaining out loud instead of just grabbing at the crotch of their shorts and tugging while sort of shaking their leg and squatting up and down.

I took each of them into the bathroom 1 at a time, and handed them 1 baby wipe**, a folded up 2 square of toilet paper, and 1 each of the travel sized bottles of baby powder I bought a few weeks ago*** just for this special day.
I told them 1 by 1 what to do with this stuff, and then left them alone to do this themselves.
I told them to wash their dick and balls with the baby wipe, then take the folded up toilet paper and pat the entire area dry, and to then pour a small amount of baby powder in their hands, and gently pat it on the entire area.
I explained that this will not only prevent ball sweats, but it also will prevent the balls from sticking to their thighs, it will prevent chafing, and it will also leave their entire ball area feeling cool and cleaner during the super hot summer months.

They were of course, super embarrassed to even be having this conversation, but to be having it with a woman, their mother, was really embarrassing.
But about 20-30 minutes after doing it when we were all walking up the street to the barber shop to get Mark his hairs cut, they both started giggling.
I asked what was so funny, and Sebastian said, "I can't believe my mother knows how to prevent sweaty balls that stick to your thighs, and that you were prepared for it to happen, and it actually works!"
This caused the both of them to bust out laughing even harder, they both kept saying, "You were ready for it, like you were just waiting for us to tell you our balls were sweaty!" and laughing some more.

I admit that it was quite hysterical, but I did know that it was going to happen, I just didn't know if or when they would tell me about it.
I only know this trick because of past boyfriends who were open and honest with me about their hygiene practices and stuff, and because guys just share this kind of information with each other once their dad tells them about it.
The teens dad isn't in their lives to tell them this or anything that a father should say to his sons, he hasn't been around in any sort of quality father-like capacity for 15+ years now, so that leaves it up to me to do all of these things, have all of these talks with them no matter how awkward it may be for them to hear coming from their mom, and how awkward it can be for me to have to have these talks.

I'm just really glad that they take it well, they listen to me, and they ask questions if they want more information on a subject.
When they tell me that it really works and start laughing about it, or in the middle of cracking a joke, or relaying a story about a girl named Jessica who gives bjs' in the bathroom at school, and they slip in a quick and barely audible 'thank you', I know that I'm helping them get through all of these awkward and embarrassing to talk about things that I know would be so much easier to discuss with a dad, it lets me know that I'm doing it ok, that they appreciate it, that it's really helping them, and I can feel good about the job that I'm doing in both parental roles as mom and dad.