My Single Mom Life

Tonight the teens and I watched the movie "Up" by Disney and Pixar.
Well, Friday night, it's now officially Saturday morning.
Once again I've been up all night, spending the entire time crying off and on, just beyond tired and stressed out, and frustrated, and angry, and all kinds of emotions all just slamming into me all night long.
It's not just one reason for this, it's many different reasons and it would all take far too long to explain so I'll just talk about the movie ok?
Ok.

The movie was really good, it was happy and cute, funny and sad, and just a truly wonderful love and friendship story.
I absolutely loved the character of Russell, I thought that kid was just downright adorable!
I wanted so much to just reach out and hug that little guy, his heart was just so open even though it was hurt and broken because his dad wasn't around any longer.
Russell just wanted so much to get it right, to earn that last Wilderness Explorer badge, the Assisting The Elderly Badge, because then maybe his dad would pay attention to him again.
Go camping again, go eat ice cream cones and count the red and blue cars while sitting on the curb, Russell just wanted so much to get those boring things (he called them boring) back.

At the same time that this cute little adventure story is going on with Russell and Carl going up and away in the balloon, we have another story, a love story that happened and is the reason for the whole house going up in balloons.
Carl and Ellie, their love, their life together, ups, downs, happiness, and extreme sadness, but through it all they remained together and on their own adventures together.

Love, friendship, adventure, belonging.
I loved every smile, every laugh, every single tear that this movie made me feel.

It's on sale right now and if I have enough money left over after getting the teens their gifts for Christmas, I might just get this for myself, I enjoyed it that much that I can totally see myself watching it on rainy Saturday afternoons while I lay on the couch with a blanket, a cat, and a few tears sliding down my cheeks.

I know I did a terrible job telling you about this movie, but this post wasn't a movie review, it was just me talking about how my Friday night was, how I'm feeling now at 5am Saturday, just a weird random post filled with all my feelings, mostly sadness.
There are several reasons that I should be happy, but I keep finding myself just totally overcome with sadness every so often these last few days.
I just keep welling up with tears, they start to fall and then I feel the reason that I started crying, it's supposed to be the other way around, feel then cry.
I think this movie just made me feel put on hold, it reminded me that I'm on hold, and I can't get off of hold.
I know that I'm not making a whole lot of sense, I'm exhausted and frustrated with things, and I just want to, actually, I have absolutely no idea what I want other than an intense need for a cigarette right now and I don't have any. hahahaha!