My Single Mom Life

I have serious medical issues, I've never lied about them, and I know that I complain too much about them, but one of the things that drives me absolutely batsh*it insane, is the amount of drugs that my docs try on me in order to get some sort of result.

I spent Sunday afternoon in the ER, from probably noon-ish sometime, until about 6 pm.
I was completely dehydrated, again, after not being able to eat or drink for about 5 days due to whatever went in came right back out.
Rapidly.
So 3 bags of fluids, some Zofran, and dilaudid was pumped into me over the course of about 5 hours.
The doc had ordered my nurse to set the fluid bags on high drip, and every time she changed the bag, to inject more Zofran and dilaudid.
I felt tons better about halfway through the send bag, but they kept going because the pinch skin test was still not functioning properly.
The skin test is when they pinch a small pit of skin on the back of your hand, hold it for about 5 seconds, and see how fast it drops back down and even with the rest of your skin.
It didn't drop down fast enough, so more fluids got pumped in.
I had to pee so bad, Oh man did I ever have to pee, and they wanted me to use one of those female urinals, but I just can't, I cannot pee laying down in a bed into a bucket.
I insisted they unhook me or the iv machine from the wall, and let me hobble over to the privacy bathroom
After the nurse hemmed and hawed a bit, the supervisor nurse came over and helped me get to the bathroom.

Then that doc sent me home with some Promethazine.
Promethazine is used to prevent motion sickness, and treats nausea and vomiting or pain after surgery.
It is also used as a sedative or sleep aid.
And he also gave me a script for 20 Percocet t10/325 for the sheer amount of discomfort that I was in due to days of agonizing pain from the constant throwing up and other fun stuff.

I stuck it out as long as long as I possibly could on those 2 drugs since Sunday night, but neither of them were doing what they were supposed to do, I was still puking my guts out, and still puking outta my ass, just about every 20 minutes.
I couldn't take it anymore, and nether could the teens.
I was left a HUGE note on the table for when I woke up, to call my pain doc or they would.
They being Mark and Sebastian.
I made the call because the teens have been absolutely amazing to me, with me, for all of these past years dealing with all of this stuff, they really are going to grow up to be some fantastic young men.

I called my doc's office before they even opened this morning, I called around 7am, they open at 9am, and so I left him a message a begging "Please oh dear doc, please help me, I'm dying! telling him what was going on still. I haven't been able to eat or drink since April 21st, and it was still continuing, please for all that is right and holy in this world, please help me!"

So the doc called in some of the Zofran that the ER had given me, that stuff did work after just 2 doses at the hospital.
He also called in some 10mg Diazepam.
In case you don't know, Diazepam is the generic name for Valium
Diazepam is used for the management of anxiety disorders or for the short-term relief of symptoms of anxiety. Diazepam may also be used to relieve agitation, shakiness, and hallucinations during alcohol withdrawal and relieve certain types of muscle spasms. It may also be used to treat seizures, insomnia, and other conditions as determined by your doctor.
Diazepam may also be used for other purposes not listed in this medication guide.
It got called in to the pharmacy around 9-9:30am when their office opened, I was able to go pick it up around 11:30am after mark won't up so I wouldn't have to go alone, we came back came home, and then took 1 of each, I tried to eat, I tried to do drink, and then promptly passed out for the next 3 hours.
I finally feel somewhat normal except that I'm under the ever-so dashing Prince Valiums spell.
Just since taking 1 dose of the charming Prince Valium's spell, I have encountered almost every single one of the following side effects,.
I've bolded every singe one that I've experienced just since this morning, just since taking just 1.

* confusion, unusual thoughts or behavior;I had absolutely no idea what day or time it was upon waking up.
* unusual risk-taking behavior, decreased inhibitions, no fear of danger;
* depressed mood, thoughts of suicide or hurting yourself;
* hyperactivity, anxiety, agitation, hostility; Oh, my poor boys. I yelled at them for absolutely no reasons whatsoever.
* double vision, hallucinations;
* weak or shallow breathing;
* feeling like you might pass out;
* muscle twitching, tremor;
* fever, chills, body aches, flu symptoms;
* jaundice (yellowing of the skin or eyes); or
* urinating less than usual or not at all. Holy crap! I really need to pee!

Less serious Diazepam side effects may include:

* drowsiness, tired feeling; Just how many 15 minute naps can a person take over the course of 6 hours?
* dizziness, spinning sensation;
* blurred vision; this is no fun
* sleep problems (insomnia), nightmares;
* muscle weakness, lack of balance or coordination; Mark, my son, asked me if I was drunk
slurred speech; Same as above, was I drunk.
* nausea, vomiting, constipation;
* headache, memory problems; freaking make it stop!
* drooling or dry mouth; So attractive to drool all over your pillow.
* skin rash; or
* loss of interest in sex.
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Seriously.
I'm so sick of being sick, sick of all of the damn drugs, since of ruining my body even further because of all of the drugs.
This is beyond ridiculous now!!
While I was at the ER on Sunday, they took about a half dozen vials of blood from me, and the doc said that if he found anything serious or even just concerning, he was going to call me and have me come back in,
Ill bet that the white cell counts are through the roof, and he'll be freaking out thinking it's cancer again.
It does feel like though that something is seriously wrong with me all of the time, like I should be more worried than I already am, and so yeah, maybe it's time to try one of those universal life insurance quote places that hopefully doesn't have an age limit, and if they do, a no-existing medical condition clause so that Ic can't be turned away.
The very last thing that I want is for my sons and family to find the money to take care of my remains.
Cremation is cheaper, but it's still a lot whole than SSDI pays out.

Posted by Kat at 3:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I still haven't posted much about our trip to Maine to visit all of the relatives, and I was just checking out what Buy.com has on sale this week, when it totally reminded me of what happened at Great-Gram's house.

Great-Gram lives in a seniors only apartment complex, they are all 1 bedroom - 1 bathroom -1 floor, side by side apartments, with 4 apartments to a row, about 16 total apartments up in Standish Maine.
Whenever we go to stay with her, Great-Gram insists on taking the couch, I always tell her that I'll take the couch, I actually sleep better on her couch than her bed, but she insists on me taking her bed, and the teens each take an air mattress with 1 of them in the bedroom with me, and the other in the living room with her.
Great-Gram doesn't get a lot of people staying with her as much anymore, the kids and grandkids are all mostly grown up, so it had been a long time since anyone has needed to sleep on the air mattresses.
When Great-Gram and the teens got the air mattresses out of her closet and had begun to blow them up that first night, neither of them would inflate.
Great-Gram and the teens tried for about an hour to get either of them to inflate and when they wouldn't, she called her daughter Sherri, and then Aunt Sherri sent Uncle Jimmy down to Standish with their air mattress.
Their air mattress wouldn't inflate either, and so Sebastian slept in the queen-sized bed with me, and Great-Gram and Mark got every single blanket that they could find in her closet and piled them up 1 on top of each other on the floor in an attempt to make it as comfortable as possible for Mark to sleep on. (he didn't want to sleep in the bed with me because he's a kicker and he didn't want to kick and hurt me)
The next morning after we had all woken up and had breakfast (except Mark) and made ourselves look presentable, Great-Gram had us all pile in the car and head on down to North Windham to go to Wal*Mart and buy a new air mattress.
We only needed to buy 1 new air mattress because Heather and Kristina (Heather's fiance) have an air mattress that they were going to let us borrow for the week.
Kristina was going to bring it down in the afternoon after Sullivan got off the school bus sometime around 3pm or later, so off we went to Wal*Mart.
Great-Gram found a nice big air mattress kind of like this Aerobed, but a twin sized one.

We also picked up some extra D-cell batteries because the pump that the air mattress comes with uses batteries and Great-Gram wasn't sure that she had enough of them, or if the ones that she did have were any good anymore.
Then Great-Gram insisted that we go to McDonald's for lunch, it was about 11am and time for lunch, and Mark never eats breakfast so he was definitely hungry, so we all went to McDonald's and then to Hannaford's so that Great-Gram could buy more food that I kept telling her not to buy because while the teens do have big appetites, there was already quite a bit of leftovers in the fridge that needed to be eaten.
Both Great-Gram and my Mom bought a ton of food and cooked enough food for an army, and the teens and I tried to eat as much of the leftovers as we possibly could so that nothing went to waste, (I hate wasting food because wasting food is wasting money) and by doing that, we all put on some weight.

We went back home to Great-Gram's house, put all of the groceries away, and then tested out the new air mattress to make sure that we didn't need to turn around and take it back for another one.
It inflated in about 2 minutes, yay!
In the afternoon, Kristina came over with Sullivan and their air mattress, we tested to make sure that 1 still worked, it did, and then they stayed and hung out with us until Heather got done at work, and then they all stayed and we got to have a nice visit until about dinner time.

Neither of the teens is playing with Sullivan and the action figures in this picture, and that's because as soon as they saw my camera, they both jumped up and sat on the couch so there wouldn't be any evidence of them playing with the action figures.
Ya know, they are 16 and 18, they don't want to be seen playing with the "little kid toys", but trust me, they were both down on the floor playing with Sullivan.
Sullivan loves to play with his cousins and the action figures, it's all he could talk about since Heather told him that we were coming up for a long visit, when would he be allowed to go play with his cousins, he even asked if he could he have a day off of school to play with his cousins because of how rarely we go up for a visit.
He (Sullivan) loves Mark and Sebastian, he tries so much to be like them, like the big boy cousins, he's only 8 years old, but he wants to be just like the big boys.
On the Friday night before we were heading back to my parents house for the next week until it was time to fly home on Easter Sunday, we all went out to eat at this awesome restaurant in Cornish called Stone Ridge.
Sullivan wants to be like the big boys so much that when they ordered the never-ending ribs plate, Sullivan ordered it too.
The ribs the teens got were huge, and they got a lot of them on the first plate.
Mark was the only 1 who finished his first plate and got the 2nd plate, but the waitress was really nice and gave each of the boys, including Sullivan, another order of the ribs in take-out boxes to take home.
Sullivan thought he was so cool getting take-home ribs just like the boys, he talked about it all the way home.

I do have a few more things to post about our trip to Maine, I'll get to them as the days go by.

Posted by Kat at 11:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

When we went home to Maine to visit everyone, both Great-Gram and my Mom, fed us huge meals every single day, there were leftovers on top of leftovers stacked up in both of their refrigerators.
Now don't get me wrong, we totally loved every single thing that they cooked for us, but oh man, we were so stuffed after every single meal.
All 3 of us put on quite a few pounds while we were there, I put on about 12 pounds.
Yikes!!
But since being back at home, we've all started getting back to our normal eating habits and losing the weight we put on.
I've managed to lose the whole 12 pounds that I put on and another 7 pounds without having to use my usual diet supplement that I used to take to help me lose weight.
It really works too, I absolutely love it and when my friend Shell emailed me about it the other night, I gave her the name of it and told her how she should take it, and that it works if you remember to take it every day.
I used to buy it at my old pain doctor's office, he highly recommended it to his overweight patients because being overweight can cause your back to hurt more because you're carrying around all of that weight which just puts stress on your back.
I did notice that once I started dropping some weight, that my back didn't hurt quite as much as it normally does, but the pain never truly went away.
I was just happy that some of the pain was gone and that I was losing my belly fat.
_______________________________________

The movie Avatar came out on DVD today and I want it.
I absolutely loved seeing it in the theater in digital 3-D, and I know that the DVD won't be in 3-D, but that's ok, it's still stunning to look at.

I've added it to my wish list so that I remember to buy it when I have some extra money to get us a new movie.
I like to buy us a new movie that we all really loved when I can so that we can watch it over and over again.
The teens have certain movies that they've watched like a gazillion times like The Lord of the Rings trilogy, and Evolution which they watched every single night that I was in the hospital, both times that I was in the hospital.
I asked them why they watched it every night both of the times that I was in the hospital, and they told me that it just comforted them, it took their minds off of me being gone, and it took away their worries about me while they watched it.
I found it interesting that that particular movie is what comforted them.
I honestly don't know why, I've watched that movie and I cannot figure it out.

Posted by Kat at 11:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Once a month, I backup all of the files for both of my blogs using both my computer and an online backup service, just in case one or the other fails to save all of my files, or fails to save all of my files correctly.
I have been using a free version of one of them on the site at that link, for probably about 2-3 years now, I really can't remember how long, but it works good.
I'm almost done with the backups, then I can reboot, and then I can get busy doing all of the work that I need to get done.
I also renewed my domain name tonight.
It was due on April 25th, but I paid it a few days early because I didn't want to forget.
It sucks when you forget to do it.

Posted by Kat at 9:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Yesterday afternoon, the teens went to Publix to get some subs, soda, and some snacks.
On their way back home, 4 teenagers, 3 white and 1 hispanic, stopped the boys up at the apartment complex right up the street, and asked them for a couple cans out of the 12 pack of the Brisk iced tea the teens bought.
Mark said no, told them to go buy some themselves.
The hispanic teen told the teens that they were homeless and thirsty, so Mark replied to go get a job and stay at the homeless shelter.
2 of the teenage thugs walked away, they wanted no part of it, and then the white teen punched Sebastian in the stomach area, and then saw the ace bandage that Sebastian has been wearing on his knee because he pulled a muscle in it from slipping and falling a few days ago.
The white teen then kicked him right in that knee, and Sebastian dropped to the ground.
The hispanic then grabbed the 12 pack of iced tea, Sebastian grabbed it back and it ripped open, and then the hispanic grabbed 4 cans of the tea while Mark was pulling the white kid off of Sebastian.
The hispanic teen told Mark "Stay out of it, don't you dare hit my boy or I'll cut you", and he patted his right front pocket to show Mark that he had a knife.
A teenager in a house across the street came out and said that he was going to call the cops, and so the teenage thugs took off with 4 cans of ice tea, then my teens picked up the rest of the cans and came home.

They walked in the door and Mark said "We got mugged for our iced tea, I'm calling the cops."
The cops came and took my teens names and dates of birth, and their statements.
Suddenly there were 6 cop cars in front of my house because 3 other people had called it in, they were witnesses willing to give statements, and all of them said that what happened was not the fault of my teens, the teen thugs are the ones who stopped my teens, threw punches and kicked Sebastian, and all of them said that Mark never threw a single punch, he simply pulled the white teen off of Sebastian.
Sebastian knows the teenage thugs, he goes to school with them, and so the cops rode Mark and Sebastian up to the apartment complex and started asking people where the 2 thugs lived.
The 2 white teens who were not involved immediately gave up the other 2 who actually attacked my teens.
The cops found the hispanic teen, he answered the door of his apartment holding and drinking 1 of the cans of iced tea.
The cops asked him where he got the can of iced tea, he was all "um, uh, I found it".
The cops asked if he really found it, or did he take it off of 2 teenagers walking home from the store.
He hummed and hawed again, and the cops took that as a yes, he took it from the teens, so they cuffed him and put him in the back of the cruiser.
What he did was now his third strike in a state that has a 3 strikes you're out law.
He's screwed.
The white teen who hit and kicked Sebastian, is now on his third strike as well, so he's screwed too.
That teen took off running, but like I said, there were 6 cops here for this, and he was found and cuffed and stuck in a cruiser too.
The cops then asked Mark and Sebastian to say yes or no when he rolled the window down so that my teens could identify them.
They identified the white teen, and they identified the hispanic teen, and when they identified him, he started crying immediately because he knows he's going down big time.

The district attorney called today, they need my teens to go down to the DA's office on Wednesday to give their official statements so this can go to court.
Because Mark is 18, he can legally press charges on the 2 teen thugs who mugged them, so the DA didn't even want to talk to me today, but I do have to go on Wednesday because Sebastian is still a minor.
The DA is pressing charges and asking for the max because both of the teen thugs are on their third strike, they are both going down big.
The 2 teen thugs are both 17, so they will go to juvenile jail until they turn 18, and then they will go to the big house.
Because the hispanic teen threatened Mark and indicated that he had a knife, he's being charged with a felony assault in the first degree, and conspiracy to commit murder in the first degree.
Even if he didn't have a knife in his pocket, he's getting charged with both of those because even threatening to stab someone is a felony, he's so totally screwed over a couple cans of iced tea.

It's just mind blowing that they did that over a couple cans of iced tea.
My boys are not being charged with anything at all because in Florida, if you're attacked, you are allowed to defend yourself by any means necessary.
Mark didn't hit either of them, but Sebastian did elbow the white kid in the head when he was struggling to get the 12 pack back.

I'm still shocked that they did that over a couple cans of iced tea.
They both knew that if they did any kind of crime that they would be on their third strike, yet they attacked my sons over a couple cans of iced tea.
How freaking stupid do you have to be to physically attack someone for a couple cans of iced tea?

Posted by Kat at 5:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (15)

This is probably a TMI (too much information) post, but my sons are funny.

Due to my spine being what it is, and all the titanium in there, I'm on pain meds, 1 pill 8 times per day.
And that 1 pill 8 times per day constipates me severely.
And I once again forgot to pick up some stool softeners, so I just happened to mention it to the boys as I passed the room where they were playing WoW and some other video game.
And then Mark says really loud, "Mom, you better not try and push too hard or you'll end up popping a vein or something and need one of those hemorrhoids treatment things the commercials talk about with all of the warnings."
Then the 2 of them busted out laughing and started saying all of the warnings with all of the various drugs that are on the market and you should ask your doctor for.
Like if you're depressed, ask your doctor for such and such drug, but be warned! If you are a senior citizen and seriously depressed, taking this medication could cause sudden death or make you suicidal!
The teens laugh about that one all of the time, an antidepressant that makes you more depressed and possibly suicidal, or it could kill you, but they must have rattled off the names and warnings for at least a half dozen or so drugs, and they kept telling me to be careful if my doctor gives me a certain one, it could cause me to have a sped up heart rate, some stomach issues are possible like painful cramping, constipation or diarrhea, and lose my sex drive, but dag nabbit! I'll be happy about it! ha haha

They must have teased me for a good 20 minutes before they finally dropped it.
That will teach me to mention any of my health issues to them again.

Posted by Kat at 11:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I felt like total suck all day today.
It started with a blinding and mega painful migraine that I couldn't shake off no matter what I did, so I spent the majority of the day just laying on the couch just watching tv and movies.
The migraine finally decided to leave me about an hour ago.
Looking at bright lights still hurts a little but the migraine is ending.
My lower back started to hurt really bad around noon, so I took my meds and then took a long hot shower.
I just stand there hunched over with my hands on the wall so the hot water can hit is directly.
I wish that I had one of those walk in bath tubs though so I could just sit in a tub full of hot water for as long as I want to.
I miss being able to take baths because I can't bend able.
Oh well.
But I'm feeling well enough to eat something, so I've got 4 of these Barber stuffed chicken breasts with broccoli and cheese, in the oven right now, should be done soon so that I can actually east something today.
I would have cooked them in the NuWave, but I didn't wash it yet from making BBQ chicken legs in it the other day.
I'm cooking all 4 of them (2 per package) because the teens want some too even though they ate huge foot long subs for dinner about 3 hours ago.
I don't mind sharing because I know that they will eat it all, but I hate making something and then they don't eat it all.
I store leftovers for a max of 3 days before tossing it, but the teens won't even touch some of the leftovers if they didn't like it the first time around.
I try to make foods that I know they will like and eat, but sometimes the on;y person who likes it is me.
Ok, gotta go check the chicken and then sit down and eat it, later days.

Posted by Kat at 10:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I've had a pot roast, potatoes, carrots, and onions, slow cooking in the crock pot since about 9am this morning, it will be ready to eat in about an hour.
The house smells sooo good!!
The pot roast looks sooo good too!

It's been cooking in a Rival stainless steel 5-Quart Countdown Slow Cooking Crock Pot, which I absolutely love!
This is the exact one that I have!

Crock pots are great because you just throw the food in, set it, turn it on and walk away.
Cooking is easy because it's all in one pot, and cleanup is easy for the same reason, it's just one pot to wash!

I love cooking with it for so many reasons, 1 of them being that it doesn't heat up the whole house like the oven would do if I was cooking this roast in it.
The whole house would be hot by now, and that would totally suck because I hate cooking in a really hot kitchen, it just makes you feel miserable.

I've cooked so many different and amazing tasting meals in my crock pot, and I just love making chicken dishes in it.
The chicken stays so juicy and tender, and because you just set it and walk away, the flavors stay in, and whatever meat you're cooking, it soaks up whatever spices and flavors you throw in.
For my roast, I have the potatoes, carrots, and onions, which have and add some great flavors to the meat themselves, but I also added in just a pinch of garlic, some celery, salt, pepper, a bay leaf, and a pinch of thyme too.
It really smells so amazing in my house.
I took the lid off to check the whole red baby potatoes, and waved some of smell out and into the house, and the teens opened up the door to the game room and were like "OMG, is it ready? Can we eat it now?"
Almost guys, almost.

I think that cooking with a crock pot is like the easiest way to cook, ever, it's really hard to screw up something cooked in a crock pot, so if you don't have one, get one.
I swear, they are a cooking appliance that should be in everyone's kitchen.
Buy.com has the exact same one that I have on sale for $44.95 with free shipping.
It's normally $60, so that's a savings of $15, and because the shipping is free, it's a really great bargain.
It can be used to cook so many different things, even deserts.
Yes, I've even made a cake in my crock pot, and it came out awesome.
My next cake in a crock pot adventure will be a cheesecake.
I love cheesecake but I have a really hard time making one in a traditional spring form pan, so I'm going to do one in the crock pot and see how it comes out.

Posted by Kat at 5:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Before anyone asks or decides to make a judgment about me blogging too much information about my kids and their lives, Mark who is 18, and Sebastian who is 16, have read this post and both have agreed that it could published.
It was edited to their wishes which I have always respected when it comes to blogging about them.

I can't go into many details about what is happening because there are certain people who read my blog, and because some of the details are too emotionally painful.

When we were in Maine, we spent a week with Great-Gram who is 82.
She is their father's grandmother, and she said to the both of them on our very 1st day with her, that she will probably be dead by the next time we can go back up, we only go up to Maine about once every 5 years, that's all I can afford to do, but anyway, she said that she'll probably be dead by the time we get up there next, so her dying wish was for the teens to make peace with their father.
The teens have not spoken to their father in many years, and not for a lack of trying either.
We have lived at the same address since 1998, have had the same phone number since then, have told their father he could even call collect to talk to them if he couldn't afford it, the teens have emailed him from their own accounts, and in the past 12 years, he has only called them once, has only sent one letter and package which contained some of his band's swag, t-shirts, a cd, and bumper stickers.
They only received Christmas presents once, and they weren't even signed by him, his girlfriend at the time and mother of his 6th child, a daughter named Sixx, was the one who signed the gift tags "Love Dad", it was clearly not his handwriting and his sons knew it because they read the letter he sent with the band swag.
When he did reply to their emails which was not often, he often accused them of being me, so he called me names and spoke to me the way he always does.

So when Great-Gram asked the teens to make peace with him, Mark apologized to her, but said no, he will not ever forgive his father for all of his wrong-doings against them, that he will never forget any of the things that he did and said to them.
Sebastian, always the people pleaser, said yes, so she set up some visits with their father.
Sebastian has no memories of what happened to him as a baby, he doesn't remember the abuse done to him at his father's hand, and he wants to get to know his for father himself instead of all of the stories from Mark and other family members including Great-Gram.

The visits went well, he said that his father has totally changed, has all of his kid's names (6 kids in total) tattooed on his hands, has their pictures everywhere in his apartment, and tells everyone how much he loves all of his kids.
The visits went so well that Sebastian and his father discussed Sebastian going to stay with him for a month this summer.
His father said he would pay for everything including the plane tickets.
This is a man who can't pay the child support amount of $59 every week, but somehow he's going to come up with the money for a round-trip plane ticket.

Sebastian says that he wants to go, he wants to learn who is father is for himself, and he wants to meet and spend time with all of his half-siblings.
Mark is absolutely furious that Sebastian wants to do this because of all that they went through when they were little, because their father has never paid any attention to them for 12 years, but suddenly, now, now he wants to be "Dad" and love them, now he wants to spend time with them, now that they are all grown up and the hard work of raising them is over, now he wants to be a part of their lives.
Mark wants absolutely nothing at all to do with him ever, except to take his father to court and sue him for all of the back due child support owed to them, but other than that, he doesn't want anything to do with their father.
Mark said that any old asshole can make a baby and be called a father, but a real man, a man who is there for his kids all of the time no matter what the relationship with the mother is, is a man who has earned the title of "Dad", and the man who made him is not his "Dad" and never will be, he hasn't done a thing to earn that title.

The teens argue about this trip constantly, if they aren't bickering over the video games, they are at each others throats over Sebastian wanting to spend a month with their father.
Mark is so angry about it, irate over it, that he told Sebastian that if he goes through with it and spends a month with their father this summer, that when he gets home, he will no longer have a brother in him, that he will disown Sebastian, he will be dead to Mark.

Since coming home, this has been a constant source of stress for me, for all of us, it's ripping my family apart.
There has been hours and hours of yelling and screaming, crying, begging, pleading, more yelling and crying, and silent treatments too.
We went to the grocery store late this afternoon, and something set them off in the store, something was said, I missed it, but it started them at each others throats again.
No matter how many times I told them to stop it, to stop bickering about it, save it till we get back home, they kept at each other with snarky little comments back and forth through the entire store and the whole walk home.
When we got home, they gave each other the silent treatment for about 3 and a half hours.
Every single day since getting back from Maine, there has been some sort of argument between them over this.

I am at a total loss of what to do about all of this.
I have tried talking to them about it, but they are both dead set on their side of this issue.
I have my own very valid concerns about Sebastian going, things which I have discussed with him, told him to be very aware of if he does go, but other than telling him my concerns if he does go, there's not much that I can do because he told me that if I love him, if I really loved him as much as I say that I do, I'll let him go.
I love him far more than he will ever know, but I know that if I put my foot down and say no, that he will be angry at me and resent me for a very long time.
I don't want that, my heart couldn't take it if he ended up resenting or hating me because I don't want him to go spend a month with their father, but all I am trying to do is to protect him.
I can't give you the details on why I want to protect him so much, but there are very real, very valid reasons why I am trying to protect him.

I really am at a total loss of what to do here, if I let him go and he goes, Mark will disown him as his brother and things will never be the same or ok between them ever again.
If I don't let him go, he will end up hating and resenting me.
In the meantime, my sons are at each others throats, this is really ripping our little family apart and I don't know what to do.

Posted by Kat at 12:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (13)

We ended up not ripping the carpet out today like we had planned, Mindy had a wicked migraine.
I had the house all ready, I didn't move the furniture of course, but I did clean everything up including the table of death, so that when we did need to move the furniture around to pull up the carpet, we didn't have to deal with all my crap first.
When Mindy and Chris didn't get here by 3:30pm, I knew something was up but figured I'd give them a little more time before I called.
When I called at 4pm, I could tell right away that she wasn't ok, it was just the way she answered the phone, and when she told me that she laid down to take a nap to try and kill off a migraine and woke up when she heard the phone ring, she looked at the clock and knew right away what she had totally forgotten to do today.
I told her it was no big deal at all, it can be done another day, so she said that on Saturday after they get done with the yard sale, they'll come over and do it.
She said that her son Jeff doesn't have to work that day, so we'll have an extra able-bodied person to help with it.

Sitting here tonight with my freshly vacuumed carpet, nothing crunching under foot, (chip or cookie crumbs from the teens) and completely clutter-free, I now don't want to be completely without some sort of carpeting.
Terrazzo flooring gets really cold in the winter, and while it does stay cool in the summer, if it gets really humid outside, it tends to sweat a little.
It always has a slightly wet look and feel to it in the summer months, so I always have to throw a towel down on the floor in front of the kitchen sink while I do dishes so I don't slip and fall.

I'd absolutely love to buy another Bissel carpet cleaner, but I really don't know if it would work on getting all of the stains and pee smell out after so much time has passed.
I suppose that I could wait a few more weeks before ripping the carpet out and rent a carpet cleaner from Publix to see if it would, but if it doesn't work, I will have wasted money renting it to clean a carpet that I'm just going to rip out.
A dilemma to ponder, but I only have a few days to ponder it before the 2nd planned rip-out party.
Or I could just go ahead and rip it out as planned and then start saving some money up to buy some throw rugs for in front of my chair and the 2 couches, or maybe a big 8x10 for the living room that would fit in front of both couches, and then get a smaller matching throw rug for in front of my chair.

This hand tufted wool rug is really pretty, and it would match the colors in my living room really nicely.
Click for bigger on both images.

This hand tufted wool rug from India would also perfectly match my home nicely too.

I can't afford either of them at their prices, and they would have to be on a very serious sale for me to afford either, but I do like them, the 2nd one more then the 1st.
I just like the pebble-stone look of the 2nd one, it's just a really unique and pretty rug pattern.
I'm going to keep looking through all of the different rugs, throw rugs, and runners that Buy.com has, they have a pretty big selection, and maybe I can find that same pattern in a smaller rug and if they do, I can start saving up to buy a few of them, I think that 4 would do it.
One for in front of each couch, a throw in front of the kitchen sink, and maybe another small throw in front of my chair.

Posted by Kat at 9:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I have a lot to do today to get the house ready for when Mindy and her husband Chris come over after 3pm.
They are coming over to help me rip out the carpet from the living room.
It seems that while we were away, a cat, or several cats, peed on the living room carpet.
You can buy all that stuff, all of those different sprays that will get rid of the urine smell, but they only get the surface pee stain and smell, it doesn't get the urine down in and under the carpet pad, so we're ripping out the carpet and cleaning up the terrazzo flooring, and that's what I'll have for flooring from now on.
Then we're going to clean up a few more things and dig out some stuff for them to take home and sell at their yard sale on Saturday.
My 35 gallon octagon fish tank is one of those things, it has to go.
There's been no fish in it for like the last 3 years, I've just been running it so the water doesn't mildew and stuff, but it's just taking up space, so yeah, good riddance.
I'm going to go and get all the stuff out of my closet to sell too.
I even have some brand new outdoor patio cushions in the closet for the patio set that George gave us, but the chairs all got ruined by the rain.
They were apparently not meant to be outdoors uncovered, but more like on a covered patio or lanai, not out in direct weather, so they got all mildewed and yucky, so I don't need the cushions anymore.
I have a ton of other stuff to get rid of too, a headboard, a printer, a walker, all kinds of stuff that either sells at the yard sale or the garbage man can take it.

Posted by Kat at 11:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I hadn't played my Sims 3 in ages, and so this afternoon when I was in a total funk I decided to load it up and create a new Sim that I could torture.
Throw her in the pool and take away the ladder, put her in a room with a bbq grill and some flammable chairs and tell her to make some burgers, or just lock her in a room with no doors or windows, no bathroom, no fridge for food, and just watch her slowly die.
Yes, I was in that kind of mood.
I had totally forgotten though, that when I did a fresh install of WinXP, that I didn't reinstall my Sims.
So I reinstalled it and loaded it up.
It was playing fine for awhile, I was in the create-a-sim feature, I had almost completed her, when my game crashed to the desktop.
Ugh.
All that work and I hadn't saved it.
Bummer.

This is really a bummer because I had wanted to buy the Sims 3 World Expansion pack at some point when I got all caught up on bills and a little bit ahead, but it looks like I won't be doing that until I figure out if I need a new video card, or new/more memory for my pc.
I'm thinking that I need a new video card, the Sims 3 is graphic heavy because of the way it plays.
It's open world meaning that you can go from one house to another, or from home to a store, without all the long loading screens in the previous versions of the game.
In order to do that, the game takes a lot of power, and without the right video card, it just isn't going to happen and your game ends up crashing to your desktop like I did this afternoon.

So now instead of buying the expansion pack for $40, I get to save up money for a new video card, (or memory once I figure out which it is) install it, test it for crashes, and then I can start saving my pennies for the expansion pack again.
It would be nice, if it is the video card, that I can find the one I need on sale at Buy.com.
I still have a few bucks, like under $10 I think, in gift certificates there, and their prices are just cheaper than other online retailers that I've shopped at anyway.

Posted by Kat at 6:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Before we left for Maine, I received my official U.S. Census form, I filled it out, (much to my disgust) and mailed it back in.
When I got home, I had another one waiting for me (with a warning letter attached this time) that said they had not received my census form, that it's (printed in bold on both the envelope and the letter) required by law, and I must fill it out and send it back immediately or a census worker will be contacting me.
If I had already filled it out and returned it, to please disregard this one.

I thought nothing of it, considered it a done deal.
Then I got another one of the warning letter census forms.
Then another.
And another.
It feels like that summer a few years ago when I had 5 different friends all having babies around the same time, and I got all of their baby shower invitations in the same exact week, and they had all picked dates within just a few days of each other.
That was a rough time on my wallet.
We've been home for exactly one week as of today, and including the one that I got today, I've now received a total of 9 census forms.
What the hell?
I understand that they want to try and get an accurate head count, and it is required by the U.S. Constitution, but come on man, our country is in massive debt, and here they are wasting a ton of paper, time, resources, and most importantly, money, mailing these things out to people multiple times.
It is estimated that the census is going to cost us (the taxpayers) nearly $100 Million to mail the letter announcing we'd be getting the census, then the actual census, and the postage-paid envelope included in the census.
Then you can add a few more million to that for all of the people that will be receiving, or have already received it, multiple times.
I know other people have gotten a few of these too.
My parents had also received and mailed back the first official one, and then they got the second one with the warning letter attached while we were there, and another friend of mine has also received 3 of them.
Just how many of these are they going to keep sending to us?

They can fine you up to $100 for refusing to answer the form or the in-person census taker, and if you knowingly provide false information, they can fine you up to $500.
The in-person census takers will be going out starting on May 1st, and working until July, to get the answers to the census.
If you're not home but your kids are, as long as the kid is at least 15, the census taker can make them answer the questions, and will assist them in providing the information.
It's been a really long time since they fined anyone for not answering the census, the last one was in 1960, 50 years ago, and in 1970, a court decision from Delaware holding that there is a separate violation for each question you don't answer.
Basically, on the 2010 Census form, it has 10 questions, you could be fined anywhere from $1,000 to $5,000 if you refuse to answer a question, or give false answers to any questions.

Scammers love to try and take advantage of people, and census time is prime-time for them to try, so there's a list of things on Privacy Rights.org, that will help protect you and your information from scammers posing as census workers.

I have this feeling that because they keep sending me the damn thing, that I will be visited by one of these census workers, so that's why I went looking for information on it and figured that I'd share what I found out.
If you're not going to be home during the day but your kids are, (the census workers are out from May 1st through July, summer vacation for kids) and you have any kids that are at least age 15, make sure they know what to look for in regards to scammers posing as a census worker, too.
You don't want your kids accidentally giving away private information to anyone either.

Posted by Kat at 6:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I will get to writing about our vacation and something really seriously important that I need all you divorced and single parents advice and help with, but I promised to help Sebastian with a project that he has to do.
He emailed me the things he needs from me to help him with a green study that he has to do for part of his project.
My part doesn't look too complicated, his does, but mine is just gathering up some containers and some other supplies, most of which I already have around the house.

That damn FCAT test really sucks.
Remember that Sebastian applied to go to Suncoast Polytechnical High School?
In Saturday's mail, we got a letter and he was so excited, he was shaking as he opened it up, and then he started crying, handed me the letter and ran to his room and cried on his bed.
Because of the FCAT test, because he was off by ONE POINT on the FCAT reading portion of the test, he was not accepted into Suncoast Poly-tech.
ONE. FREAKING. POINT.

He's absolutely crushed, he really wanted to go there so bad, he did amazing on his tests and essays for the application, he got letters of reference from his teachers, but the damn FCAT and one stupid point is keeping him out of that great school.
ONE POINT!!!
It's so not fair.

Posted by Kat at 12:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

I have so many things to blog about our trip to Maine to visit all of our family and a few of my friends, and I'll slowly be posting all of the stories now that my internet is back on and working correctly, but I just have to tell you this one thing!
It's probably a totally silly thing to most people, but it's something that I love so I want to tell you about it. haha ha!

At my Mom and Dad's house, they have this soap in the bathroom, it's called Johnson's Buddies Easy-Grip Sudzing Bar, and it's about $1 per bar.
It's made for small kids and toddlers to help teach them good hygiene practices by helping them wash their hands with a bar soap that won't slip out of their hands.
The soap comes in a non-slip pouch, you get it wet, and then lather up, and it will not slip out of your hands.
The soap also comes in a fun and bright color to attract kids, and it also comes in a great scent, yummy watermelon.
And when I say a great scent, I mean it, the smell of this soap is fantastic, intoxicating, and addicting.
I have taken a couple showers with it since coming home with a few bars that mom bought for me after I kept coming out of her bathroom smelling my hands and raving about it.
"Mmmm, Mom, I loooove that soap, what is it called, I want it, it smells sooo good!"
This is what the soap looks like.

The soap is allergy tested so I won't get any hives from using it, and the non-slip pouch is really perfect for me because sometimes my finger joints get really stiff, and so trying to pick up and hold onto a bar of soap can be rather difficult.
This is also why my Mom and Dad use it, they both have gripping issues due to arthritis, so the Johnson's Buddies soap is really perfect for people who may have that disease, or a neurological problem that causes them to have trouble holding onto things.
The non-slip pouch is also great for taking showers, if it can't slip out of your hands, you won't be dropping it in the shower and having to bend down to try and pick it up, and then keep losing your grip on it, which is another reason I really like it.
I can't bend down in the shower to pick up a bar of soap because I don't bend so well, so this bar is really awesome in the shower for people with arthritis, neurological gripping issues, or people who can't move so well any more.
I can totally see this bar being used by more than just kids and toddlers, I can see seniors, people who use a shower chair, people who have mobility issues, all kinds of people for all kinds of reasons, the non-slip grip is really perfect for a lot of people, not just kids.

As I said above, the Johnson's Buddies Easy-grip sudzing bar is only about $1 per bar at most stores, and can be found in the baby goods aisle, and it can also be bought online.
I went and looked, and found out that Buy.com sells it, (they really are becoming more than just an electronics e-tailer!) and they are temporarily out of stock on the single bars right now, but I'm hoping that they will get more in stock, and also start carrying and put on sale the 24-packs of it too.
A 24-pack is only about $25-$27, and because of that price, the shipping is usually free.
Most regular bar soaps average around $3 per bar, and that's just a normal bar of soap, not a no-slip one, so to get a full size bar of soap that won't slip out of your hands at the sink or in the shower, is allergy tested, and smells absolutely incredible, for about $1 per bar, you can't beat it.
I know this post probably sounded kinda silly to most of you, but I just had to share because I love it so much!

In accordance with my disclosure and privacy policy; I was not compensated by Johnson and Johnson to write this post about Johnson's Buddies Easy-Grip sudzing bar.
I was compensated by Buy.com to write a post about Buy.com, but the product I chose to write about was entirely my choice.

Posted by Kat at 2:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Yay! My internet is fixed!
Actually, it got fixed on Friday in the late afternoon after I plugged in the new router on Thursday, ran the setup program, and it wouldn't connect to the net at all.
At least before I got the new router hooked up, I was able to connect, I just couldn't do a whole lot because of the serious lag that was happening.
I spent many, many hours Thursday afternoon and evening attempting to fix it on my own, it really should have just been plug 'n play, it was supposed to be plug 'n play, but it wasn't, and I'm stubborn and like to fix things myself, so I didn't call Verizon tech support until about midday Friday when I finally just gave up, admitted defeat, and called for backup.

The tech support guy and I spent awhile with him talking me through things and when none of them worked, he asked if he could do that whole remote desktop and assistance thing, and see if he could figure the problem out himself, so I let Todd have access and after about 3 and a 1/2 hours, my computer was working a lot faster, and my Fios internet was working again and at the speed that it's supposed to be working at.
Apparently, when the install tech came to hook up the Fios and I was his last install of the day, he wanted to just get it done and go home on time, so he called another install tech who worked in the area and had finished his last install, to come over and help him, and they forgot a crucial step in the Fios internet installation.
They were supposed to change the settings on the Verizon end, not anything on my computer, and switch the speed setting from DSL speed, to Fios speed.
They had left me at download speeds of 15mbps, and upload speeds of 10mbps, when they were supposed to switch me to Fios download speeds of up to 30mbps, and upload speeds of 35mbps, and they also forgot to actually do the setup program.
What they did instead was just plug in the router and then bypass a few steps that should have been done, are supposed to be done, basically, they just made the router work so that I could get on the internet.
The speeds I had after they got done, while they were faster than the DSL that I had, they were nowhere near what they should have been with Fios.
They certainly were not the speeds that I've been paying for either.
My internet is so damn fast now, holy crap, this is how fast I should have been since they installed it in July.
Geeeeeeez,
Then Todd the tech support guy, with my permission, tweaked a bunch of things on my computer.
He told me what he was doing every single step pf the way in case I ever wanted to change things back or had an issue with anything, and when he got done, man, my computer has been flying ever since.
And then because the install techs didn't actually do it the way it was supposed to be done and I've been paying for a service that I really wasn't getting, Todd talked to a supervisor and explained it all to him.
The supervisor then got on the line with me and said how sorry he was that I've been paying for Fios speeds since July, for the last 10 months, and that he was going to give me a credit on my bills for the next few months because of it.
He said he couldn't give me an exact number right now because it had to be calculated, but I'll see that credit amount starting on my next bill.
They need to figure out how much the Fios internet speed is worth every month, then figure out how much the loss of that speed is worth, and then come up with an amount that they can live with losing every month, and one that will make me a happy customer all at the same time.

Hey, I'm really just happy to be able to actually send an email in under 5 minutes, getting some money knocked off of my bill is a totally awesome bonus. ha ha ha

Posted by Kat at 1:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I am trying to post this by cell phone so forgive me for how short it is and any spelling errors and typos if I make them ok? Thanks!
When we got back home around 2ish am Monday morning, my net worked for a little while, and then it just stopped working like it's supposed to, which is fast.
I have Fios but it's not and I quote Verizon, "Lightening fast speeds!"
Nope, it's now wicked way slower than the dial-up at my Mom and Dad's house.
It's taking up to 10 freaking minutes just to send a wicked way short email.
It sucks.
Verizon is sending me a new router, should be here tomorrow, they think the router is broken.
If after plugging it all in and hooking up the computer, if it's still crawling slower than dial-up, they told me to call them back and they will send out a repair tech.
Please keep your fingers crossed for me that it's just a broken router and not trouble with the lines that they have to come and repair.

Posted by Kat at 3:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)