I just want him to be happy.
I have to be really careful how I word this post, I know that other people read my blog and I don't want to be misunderstood in any way.
First, he will not be coming home early, he will be staying until July 18th as originally planned.
I know that staying there is what he needs to do, he needs to have this experience, it's a huge part of growing up for him, I've accepted this trip and what is happening in my head and heart.
He's learning who his father is, he's met all of his half-siblings, he's learning who they are, and in turn, he's learning a good deal about who he is too.
Now onto other things which I am upset about, but I love him and only want him to be happy.
Whatever my sons want in their lives that will make them happy, is what I want for them.
It's all that I have ever wanted for them, all I will ever want for them.
Sebastian called me this afternoon, his voice sounded heavy so I asked if he was still upset about what happened on Tuesday night, he said yes, that he was very, very sorry, but he had a lot on his mind too, a lot to think about.
I asked about what, I reminded him that he can always talk to me, that no matter what, I am always open to hear whatever he has to say.
He said that his family on his dad's side have all been really great, they love having him there, they are so happy that he's there visiting.
They have also been talking to him about living there, they want him to come live there for his last year of school.
I knew it was going to happen, I even talked about it with friends, I just knew.
Great-Gram who is very old, she always says to the boys when we go up, that we get up there so very rarely, that she's afraid that she'll be dead by the time we get up there next, so of course, she wants him to come live there for a year.
His Aunt Heather also thinks it's a good idea, his half-brothers also do.
Surprisingly, it wasn't his father who had this idea or started this whole conversation, it was Great-Gram.
Sebastian said he has to think about it, weigh the pros and cons, think about the consequences of his decision.
No matter what he decides, he knows that someone will be upset.
If he decides to live there for a year, he knows that I will be sad and upset, his Aunt Jo, his brother Mark, and if he decides to come back home, everyone up there will be sad and upset, but he knows that he has to choose, that he has to make a decision, and he really needs to decide by the time he's due to come back here so that if he's going to live there for a year, his school records can be transferred, and all of the legal paperwork can be done so that someone up there will have legal custody of him.
He asked me how I would feel, and being his mom, being that I love him with every fiber of my being, and being that all I want for my sons is that they be happy, I told him that I would be very sad, that I would miss him very, very much, but if it's what he wanted, if it would really make him happy, then I would let him go.
I will support whatever decision he makes, to live there for a year, or come back home, whichever he decides, I just want him to be happy, and so if living with his half-brothers and father, getting to see Great-Gram, Aunty Heather, and Ninny and Pop-pop, (my parents) all of the time is what would really make him happy, then I would be behind his decision 100% and let him go.
He got very quiet, and asked me if I really would behave like that, if I really would let him go, no arguing, no legal fighting, and I repeated what I had just told him.
I will support whatever decision he makes 100%, to live there or here, I will let him go but miss him very much, I will be very sad, because I love him, no matter where he goes and what he does, he will always be my son, and I will always love him.
We talked for just a few more minutes, he was still very quiet, his voice very heavy with contemplation, people laying guilt at his feet isn't really fair in my opinion, telling a kid that you want him to live there because you may be dead by the next time he gets a chance to come up and visit, it just isn't fair in my opinion.
I don't think I'm wrong about that, it's just not fair or right to guilt kids into doing things, especially life changing things like living somewhere else for your last year of high school, having to go to court and tell a judge that you want to live with your father from now on, having to come back here and pack up all of his belongings, say good-bye to his brother and mother, his cat too, to the home he has lived in for the last 12 years, it's just not right to place that on a kid's shoulders.
It kills me that he may decide to live there, but I meant what I said, I will support him no matter what he chooses, I will let him go because I love him, because all I want is for him to be happy.
I will definitely miss him wanting to be tucked in every single night, rubbing his temples when he has a migraine until he falls asleep, listening to him play with his toys or sing in the shower or bathroom. I will miss him begging to buy Halloween costumes and go trick or treating even though he's far too old for it, and listening to him plead his case that people buy candy to give it away, that there's hardly any kids left in the hood anymore, so somebody should get dressed up and knock on their nicely decorated doors, that it makes the people smile to see cool costumes, it would be an injustice to not give the people what they are expecting. ha ha aha!
I will miss so many things about him, his little annoying quirks, the constant fighting between him and Mark, how he still loves to watch kid's movies all curled up on the couch with his blanket, and I will miss all of our talks as we take walks to the store and back.
I will miss so many things he does, all of the wonderful things about him, his hair, his bright blue eyes, the way that he smiles and laughs, the small brown freckle on the end of his nose, I will miss him so so much, but if it makes him happy, I will let him go.
I love him that much, I love him enough to let him go so that he will be happy.
Comments
*huggggggggggs*
Posted by: mama bok | June 26, 2010 10:36 PM
stay strong there! got your website through mamabok! your a great mother :)
Posted by: jen cheung | June 27, 2010 1:37 AM
You are the best mom and the best person! Take care!!!
Posted by: Frances Bee | June 27, 2010 1:52 AM
You are the best mom and best person
Posted by: soofen | June 27, 2010 2:09 AM
YOU ARE THE BEST MOM AND THE BEST PERSON! * Bon courage*
Posted by: HN | June 27, 2010 3:17 AM
You are the best mom and best person... Take Care
Posted by: yenny | June 27, 2010 3:36 AM
You're the best!! Take Care!!!
Posted by: Kevin | June 27, 2010 4:49 AM
I totally understand how you feel and where you're coming from....I have two boys and I will do anything within my power to see that they're happy and confident within themselves. Stay strong and I'm sure your son knows what a wonderful mom you are.
Posted by: Marg | June 27, 2010 7:22 AM
"YOU ARE THE BEST MOM AND THE BEST PERSON!!!!"
Posted by: Kay | June 27, 2010 9:19 AM
You are really one of the greatest moms on earth!!! Proud of you!
Posted by: Manjai | June 27, 2010 9:46 AM
"YOU ARE THE BEST MOM AND THE BEST PERSON!!!!" TAKE CARE!!!
Posted by: KAREN | June 27, 2010 10:02 AM
I know exactly what you mean. I'd be devastated if one of my boys wanted to go live elsewhere, but I'd want them to be happy.
The guilting is a shame, but that's not on you, and there was nothing you could do to stop that from happening.
*hugs*
Posted by: This Belle Rocks | June 27, 2010 11:31 AM
There is no doubt in my mind - that is an extremely difficult decision for all involved. And yes, somebody will be hurt regardless. But like you said, you have to be supportive even if you're left holding the short end of the stick.
Posted by: The Constant Complainer | June 27, 2010 12:18 PM
I know how hard this is for you, I still feel the pain of this type of situation that happened to me when my girls were 8 and 10. My heart aches for you, and your and your sons are in my thoughts.
Posted by: Karri | June 27, 2010 12:35 PM
You are the best mom and the best person!!!! :)
Posted by: ilovetvbdrama | June 27, 2010 5:56 PM
My heart feels you pain, it is so hard, I would not even know how to remain strong under such circumstances. But I guess, somehow, someone above has a plan for us all and we may not see it now but perhaps what is meant to be, is meant to be regardless of whichever decision he chooses to make.
Posted by: Kopi Soh | June 27, 2010 6:15 PM
You are the best mom and the best person ever!
You are also courageous for loving your son enough to let him go. I probably would not be able to do it, especially as he's still so young. My oldest daughter is getting ready to go off to college and I'm already having separation issues.
And you're right, it is terribly unfair for them to put a guilt trip on him, no matter how well intentioned.
Whatever you decide will be the right decision for you and him. Take care.
Posted by: JMom | June 27, 2010 6:27 PM
Letting go is the greatest love of all but it is the hardest thing. I feel for you. Take care.
Posted by: MG | June 27, 2010 7:40 PM
Letting go is the greatest love every but it is the hardest thing to do. I feel for you. Take care.
Posted by: MG | June 27, 2010 7:42 PM
YOU ARE THE BEST MOM AND THE BEST PERSON.. if every parent on this earth thinks and behaves like you do, the world would be a better place :) Im proud of you.. i hope someday my parents would do anything for me to be happy too.. Stay strong.
Posted by: mei | June 27, 2010 8:03 PM
you are a great mother, think about it in a positive way,you definately in his heart, the matter where he is going or how far and for how long.
pray and leave it for god.
Posted by: nanees | June 27, 2010 8:11 PM
What a load that has been placed on his shoulders! You have my utmost respect for dealing with and speaking with him about it so calmly. You are a wonderful mother.
Posted by: Chickie | June 27, 2010 8:21 PM
*Hugz* Letting go of someone you love so much is never easy and I'm sure your son knows and will appreciate the things you have done for him. Take care!
Posted by: crazymommy | June 27, 2010 9:08 PM
G'day from Australia. Hope you keep being strong and wish u all the best in every circumstances.
Posted by: mommibee | June 27, 2010 9:24 PM
Stay strong there.. You're doing everything coz U love ur son so much.. A great mommy and watever U hv done, U will be blesssed and appreciated.. Hugsss..
Posted by: Wenn | June 27, 2010 9:57 PM
You are a great mommy. Stay strong and positive :)
Posted by: Barb | June 27, 2010 10:04 PM
"YOU ARE THE BEST MOM AND THE BEST PERSON!!!!"
Posted by: yvonne | June 27, 2010 10:56 PM
Letting go is the hardest thing for any parent...but I think you're doing a great job!! Take care and stay strong! *HUGS*
Posted by: Eileen | June 27, 2010 11:19 PM
I agree, letting go is the hardest but its the coming home is the best part. I have a strong, strong feeling he will be coming back home....he has the best Mom in the world. take Care Kat...I am here if you need to vent..you know me...I don't care, I don't judge you and try my best to listen. ((HUGS))
Posted by: Christie | June 28, 2010 12:05 AM
The best part of his life was to see him grow as what he is today. Be strong for now as you will be blessed with the greatest love as he grows older
Posted by: mary wong | June 28, 2010 12:05 AM
Kat,
Just a quick word of encouragement to let you know that I think you're a terrific mom, from everything I've gleaned in knowing you online these past few years.
I know this possibility you are facing seems overwhelming and painful; but I trust that you will make a wise and considered decision on how to deal with it, and that the love you have for your son will outlast anything he's going through now by learning about and spending time with the rest of his family.
I was adopted, and when I became old enough, I sought out my birth mom. I know my parents struggled with fears that I might reject them or cut them out of my life, especially if my birth mom turned out to be a nice person.
She was, and I still have a close relationship with my half-sister; but what my parents learned is that I never replaced them in my heart, even for a moment. I remained close to the mom who raised me, and always thought of her as my mom, right up until I lost her a couple years ago. My birth mom is a friend and I'm grateful for knowing my half-sister through her, but my birth mom never replaced my mom.
Kat, you've raised your kids well and love them, that's clear. As much as it might be a scary thing, trust them to remember that love and it'll see you all through... just as it did between my mom and me.
Posted by: Craig | June 28, 2010 12:19 AM
Keep the faith.
Continue sharing your love.
Posted by: mott | June 28, 2010 12:45 AM
Stay strong Kat! You're a wonderful mother, and you've put every bit of your heart into raising your boys, guiding them to be great young men. Allowing Sebastian to make his own decisions, whether they are the right ones or not, is very hard to do, but he couldn't ask for a better mother to stand by him through all of this. We're here to give you all the support you need as you both work through this.
Posted by: Jenn | June 28, 2010 12:52 AM
Hi, I came here upon mamabok's request. Hate to be in your shoes but eventually we all will need to learn to let go. Hang in there!
Posted by: Vien | June 28, 2010 1:01 AM
Hi,
Want to encourage you to stay strong. Keep the faith. You are the best mum.
Posted by: Gladys | June 28, 2010 1:43 AM
Hi Kat.. i came upon MB's request as well. Really been a touchy story to read. What more u have to face it ALL ALONE ;-( hope Sebastian will come back to your world real soon... take care and stay strong girl ;-)
Posted by: shirley loo | June 28, 2010 1:44 AM
You're the best mom, please take good care of yourself.
Posted by: Fiona Ma | June 28, 2010 1:53 AM
I just wanted to offer my love and support for you Kat.
never doubt that you are a good mother!
Posted by: bluepaintred | June 28, 2010 2:53 AM
Hey there..I cried reading your blog and here I am meant to encourage you. You have shown me what unconditional love is and I am so sure that your son knows it too. I will keep you in my prayers and know that there are so many people that may not fully comprehend what your are going through but we're here to support with lots of love and hugs from afar..take care..hugs
June
Posted by: June | June 28, 2010 4:51 AM
I am really sorry this is happening. I hope things turn out for you.
Posted by: Randy | June 28, 2010 10:24 AM
You are such a wonderful mom! Have faith. May God bless you always....
Posted by: Koo Chu Yee | June 28, 2010 10:25 AM
I can't even begin to imagine what you must be going through right now with wanting to let go and hold on at the same time. I went through something similiar when I was a teenager and my "real" dad asked me to come live with him. I was just so happy he finally stopped ignoring me that I didn't realize how much I was hurting my Mom when I asked her to let me live with him. I also didn't realize his motives. I am, to this day, glad she let me go because I got to see my "real" Dad for who he really was and with that I was able to let go. Of him. For good.
I'm thinking of you and sending a big squishie hug.
Posted by: Lara | June 28, 2010 12:51 PM
Kat, I really don't even know what to say. I can only imagine how devastating the idea of him moving is, and I'm so amazed that you were able to be that understanding with him, hopefully everything will work out the best for everyone.
Posted by: Jade | June 28, 2010 3:33 PM
Kat, Your sons are very lucky to have a mom like you who shows such selfless and unconditional love for them. I do not know if I could do what you did/ or said what you said if I am in your situation. What you have demonstrated is very selfless...I agree with you totally about putting a guilt trip on a child. When someone does that to your child, he/she needs someone strong enough to be a pillar of support for them, to help them make a wise and informed decision, and you have done just that. I have learnt something from reading your post today, thanks to MB (to whom I credit for introducing your blog)I will keep this in mind when raising my kids. Be strong and take care!
Posted by: Yoki | June 29, 2010 5:03 AM
Hugs. It's really a tough decision to make and I admire your open heart to allowyour boy to choose his happiness. I donno if I could do the same. You're the best mommy. Your kids just know, they know what a wonderful mommy they have there. Take care.
Posted by: Etceteramommy | June 29, 2010 6:00 AM
You are doing just great, your sons are very lucky to have you.
All the best and hope everything works out for you.
Posted by: Linda | June 29, 2010 7:05 AM
Kat, I don't imagine what you are going through. To understand the situation we have to be you and I really don't want to be you right now.
I'm sure your son will be back to you faster than you think. You are an amazing mom, he will be back soon.
You are in my thoughts!!
Posted by: Laura Barros | June 29, 2010 2:41 PM
Your son's decision is tough on you and it's tough on your son too. It warms my heart to read that you're doing your best to stay strong and to not add additional stress to your son. Your support for your son definitely shows how deep your love is for him and I know your son will be able to feel it too.
Just remember that you're not alone : ) (just look at all the support from the comments on your blog alone). Stay strong!
Posted by: CT | June 30, 2010 10:06 AM
Great Blog. You are a wonderful mom with a kind heart!
Posted by: M | June 30, 2010 9:26 PM