October 20, 2010

Sick teens, and WHAT did you just say about my parenting?!

Holy heck man, I have had like the worst six, maybe seven days that I have had in a long, long time, this past week.

It started off on Wednesday morning when I was supposed to have my doctor appointment at 10am.
At 8:10am, I received a totally frantic call from the doctor's nurse, she had a total of 148 patients to call who had been scheduled to be seen on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, and she had to tell everyone that their appointments were canceled and going to be rescheduled, but right at that moment, she didn't know what day or time they were going to be for, what was going to be done about medications, nothing, she quickly said that my doctor's family had been in a car accident and then *click*.
Um, wha?
What, wait?
I called right back, I was so totally confused, I thought maybe a friend was playing a joke on me because everyone knows that this doc is hard to get into, getting on his schedule is tough, but it wasn't a joke, his nurse explained it again, everyone had to be rescheduled, she didn't have the new schedule yet, a small supply of meds were going to be called in but she didn't know what meds or when they were going to be called in, and she was sorry but she would call me back in an hour.
Then because I was in like a state of shock, I totally forgot to call my friends who were giving me a ride to my appointment, so they showed up, I had to explain it to them, and then the entire rest of the day Wednesday was just call after call from some jerk that I know, we shall give him the initials of Gr., and he must have like gone off of his meds or something, and after the first three calls from him screaming at me over all kinds of crazy stuff, I stopped taking his calls and let all seven more of them for that day, go to voice mail.
One of Gr.'s scream-fests was him blaming me for him losing a $4,000 job and he was going to make me pay for it, he was going to come to my house and make me pay for it, he didn't care how, but oh yeah, I was going to pay.
I had to stop taking his calls after the first three like I said, it was just insane, and no matter what I said to him, no matter how I tried to calm him down, he got more and more irate, and after that third call, I couldn't take it anymore, I sat down and cried, then had a massive anxiety/panic attack, cried some more, and when my cellphone rang and it was Gr. again, I just let it ring until the voice mail picked up.
I let that happen, for like I said, all seven more of his calls that day, for the five he made on Thursday, the five more he made on Friday, the two on Saturday, I got a reprieve on Sunday, and then at 8:20am on Monday morning when Gr. called me again, I let it go to voice mail again.
I simply could not handle being yelled at by him again, I couldn't take it.
I listened to every single one of his voice mail messages, I shouldn't have after listening to just the first couple of them, but I did, and I shouldn't have, because it caused me to be a complete nervous wreck for the entire weekend.

But back to my doctor and Wednesday, they did call in a 3 day supply of all of my medications and a few others that I don't normally take, they said that they gave me those because they would help with the stress and anxiety over having my schedule turned upside down because they know that I have OCD really bad, and they know that having my schedule thrown off can set me off and I'll end up washing the same load of laundry 3 times, or just stand at the kitchen sink and wash the same batch of silverware over and over while having panic attacks and crying uncontrollably.
I finally admitted to this doctor approximately four months ago how severe my OCD was getting, that I was extremely worried about it because I have found myself getting worse with certain issues, and I was finally admitting to a doctor that I needed help with it.
I've been battling my OCD on my own for quite a few years now, I've been ashamed to admit it to my doctors because once you admit that you have it, they start asking you about what sets it off, what makes it worse, how bad the spells can get, etc, and it's embarrassing to admit some of the things that I do because they make me sound like I'm absolutely insane, and ever since learning about my biological mother and her mental health issues, admitting to a doctor, or anyone really, how bad my OCD is in my own words, I have actually questioned myself on whether or not I'm going crazy.
If you're going crazy, do you know that you are?
Do you feel yourself slipping away, or do you just go about your days thinking that everything is just peachy keen?
So yeah, I had a very rough six to seven days dealing with crazy cellphone calls from Gr., dealing with my panic and anxiety attacks, my OCD, and uncontrollable crying fits.

I survived the weekend, obviously, went to my doctor appointment Monday morning at 11:30am, and had my ride just drop me off at my friend N.'s house after I was done, I just wanted to hang with a friend and chill for a bit, and who was there when I walked in?
Gr.!
I immediately ran straight into N.'s bathroom and refused to come out until he left, I had no idea where his head was at or anything but I assume it was still in a bad place because he had called N. several times and told her he was going to her house, she kept telling him no, to not come over, he went over anyway, but N. and her friend T.. finally got him to leave and then the three of us girls just sat down and chilled for a bit, and while out on her lanai having a smoke, (I know, I know) I just started crying again, quietly, at least it wasn't outright bawling like I had been doing all weekend.
Then our other friend D. showed up, we all chatted for a few minutes, and then I had to go home because Sebastian was home from school and when I walked in the door, I learned that he was down sick.
Now both of the teens are sick, some sort of something.
They both have a high fever, headaches, cramps, and the diars, one has a stuffy nose, and the other has a cough, so what it is, I haven't the slightest clue.
So on Monday night, a friend drove me to the store at around almost closing time, and I picked up both Nyquil and Pepto, I have plenty of Tylenol at home, all bases for whatever it is, are covered. haha
Laugh or cry, laugh or cry, I'm choosing to laugh.

So then this friend asked if the teens wanted to make some money today, Tuesday, if they felt better in the morning.
I told her to call me in the morning and ask me before she drove all of the way here because I let Sebastian stay home from school, he was wicked sick on Monday night, way high fever, wicked cramps, he went to bed as soon as I got home from the store and she went home.
Well, instead of calling me in the morning, (Tuesday morning) she just knocked on my door at 9:51am and asked if they were ready to go.
I said no, they're still sleeping, they're really sick, I told you to call me before coming, why didn't you call, I coulda saved you the trip?
Well, I don't know what kind of issue she was having, we'll call her B., but B. seemed to think that sick or not, my two sons were able bodied and capable of working, so why wasn't I making them get up and go earn their own video game money instead of me buying them every game that they want every single time they want a new one?
B. proceeded to go into Sebastian's room and yell his name, I yelled at her to get out of there, don't wake him up, he's sick, she then did the same to Mark, walking right in his room and calling out his name loudly and telling him to get up.
I yelled at her to get the hell outta his room, don't wake him up either, he's sick as well, caught whatever Sebastian had on Monday night, and so then she went out and slammed my front door.

OK. Ok. Ok.
NOT OK!

I tell the boys to relax, it's OK, go back to sleep, I got this, and I went outside to find her cleaning out the back seat of her car, organizing it so that the teens can sit back there so she can drive them to do this yard work for three hours at $10 per hour, they were each going to make $30, she said, so they better be getting up and ready to go, they should have been ready by the time she got here.
I said; "B. FIRST, you were supposed to call me in the morning and ask if they were A) going to be OK to do it because you knew last night that Sebastian was sick, and B) if they even wanted to do it. And NO, they are not OK, they are both sick now, not just Sebastian, but Mark's got it now too, they both have really high fevers and stomach issues, so no, they won't be doing anything today but resting in bed or on the couches to lay down and watch tv and try to rest up from whatever this is."

Without missing a beat, she says to me, "Damn, your are white, while they're working, we can kick back in the recliner chairs and get some sun, I've got some really great tanning lotions that will get you some color really quick today."
"B.", I said; "They are NOT working today, it's a sick day for Sebastian from school, he's very sick, and now so is Mark, they both have it, they aren't working today, they are sleeping and resting today."

Continue Reading �

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October 6, 2010

Time to get a No Parking sign at Buy.com

My neighbor lady really pissed me off a few hours ago, urgh! I'm so mad!
I have a right to have cars parked on my side of the carport, it is my side of the carport after all.
My friend Brandy and her daughter Jess came over around 6:45pm or so, and they stayed here until about 8pm, they ran Sebastian and myself up to 7-eleven, and then they went home, but right before we went to the store, my neighbor laid on her car horn for us to move.
I have a right to have a car, or several cars, parked on my side of the carport, just like they have 2 vehicles parked on their side of the carport.

Right before we left to go to the store, I mean, we were grabbing our purses and heading towards the door as it happened, my neighbor lady laid on her car horn, then let off, then honked three times in a row, then laid on it again!
Even as we were actually walking out the door, she was still honking the horn at us!
I get out there, and she tells me that I have to move the car so she can get out.
I said to her, we are leaving right now, you didn't need to honk the horn, you could have knocked on the door and asked us to please move the car, which we were doing anyway, but you did not need to lay on the horn like that.
She said; "Well I need to get out and your car is blocking my way."
I said that "We were leaving right now anyway, so just give us a minute and..."
Well, I tried to finish saying something to her, but she rolled up her window before I could finish.
For the last two weeks, she's been letting people, her friends and stuff, park on my side of the carport like it's no big deal, you know, because we don't have a car.

Sebastian is going to get his license very soon, he's been studying the book every single day, and he and my sister are going to go down and take the test as soon as he says that he's ready to take it.
Once he gets his license, we have three people who have all offered to pitch in together and buy him a really nice but used and reliable car, and my sister is going to put it on her insurance because it will be cheaper rather than me trying to get him insurance right now.
Once he's had his license for at least six months, maybe go to the one year mark, but once he's had it for at least six months and not had any accidents or tickets of any kind, then we can go ahead and get insurance for him ourselves.
If a teen driver goes at least six months with no accidents, no tickets, no driving infractions of any kind, the insurance is way cheaper.
But once he gets his license and has a car, does my neighbor actually think, will she be expecting us to move OUR OWN vehicle whenever she wants to go out or whatever?
She's totally delusional if she thinks that we're going to move our car every single time she wants to get in and out, too bad!

Like I said though, for the last two weeks, she's been letting people park on my side, and tonight with the honking of the horn because she wanted us to move the car, all this does is make me want to buy a No Parking sign like I used to have when I had other neighbors living on that side of the duplex before them.
The other neighbors used to just let tons and tons of people park there whenever they wanted, and one night when I came home from work around 7pm on a Saturday, (that tells you how long ago this was because I stopped working in 2001) I had a cab bring me home because it was winter and way too dark at that time of night for me to walk all the way home with no sidewalks, and the cab couldn't even get IN the driveway, never mind even try to get on my side of the driveway.
The cabbie had to let me out in the street, and I was furious!
Not only was the entire driveway full of cars, but they had people parking on the lawn for some huge party they were having.
You cannot park on the lawn, we have septic, the septic line pipes are in the lawn, like just a few feet below the grass, so absolutely no cars can ever be parked or driven across the lawn!
I came into my house, set my stuff down, grabbed the phone, got the number of a tow truck company dialed in to it, and walked next door, banged on the door, and told them that they had 10 minutes to move every single car off of the lawn and out of my side of the driveway, or I hit redial on my phone and have every single car that isn't moved, towed at the car owner's expense.
The guy said to me that I must be joking, I said, "Really? Try me. You got 10 minutes starting right freaking now."
I stood there, the two of us staring at each other, and then I calmly said, "Eight minutes."
People started to scramble, said goodnight to their hosts, and they hauled ass out of the house and into their cars.
I had the entire driveway cleared of all cars in 10 minutes.

Apparently, it's time to remind my neighbor that half of the driveway and carport belong to me even if we don't have a car right now, but with Sebastian getting a license soon, we will have a car and I will not be moving it whenever she wants to get in and out, she'll just have to tell her hubby to move his jeep so she can come and go whenever she feels the need to.
And maybe it's time for me to buy another No Parking sign like I used to have.
I absolutely LOVE this vintage No Parking Cruise Zone sign.

I know that it says "Daytona Beach Florida Biketoberfest", but I love it and it would look sooo cool.
Maybe they wouldn't take it seriously because it says that, but it does say NO PARKING, so maybe they would take it seriously, hard to say with them, the lady does not understand that 10 does not equal 50.
And I would love to be able to get it on sale, but it's actually very well priced at $28.95 which includes the shipping and handling.
I have to do something, it's getting out of control.
Every single day, someone is parked on my side of the driveway, I've had people parked right up under my side of the carport when it's rainy out, and now tonight with her laying on her car horn telling me, demanding that we move the car so she can get out, is just too much when you add this to all of the toilet problems that we've been having, something has to be done, I have to get a sign, tell the landlord, whatever, but this cannot go on any further.
She thinks that she has the right to let people park on my side, and now she thinks that she has the right to tell me that I have to move any cars that I have parked on my side, just so she can get in and out.
No.
Something has to be done.
I'm going to talk to the landlord about this AND I'm going to buy a sign that says NO PARKING.
Enough is enough and it's only been a few months since they moved back in.

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September 19, 2010

Injuries, so-called friends, & stuffing emotions.

It's been an absolutely crappy last few days, a total roller coaster, and pain, both physical and emotional.

I had my doctor appointment Wednesday morning at 9:45am, and I forgot to take my drink with me, and I have to have a drink just in case I have to take a pee test, so I asked my friend to stop anywhere between my house and the doc's so I could get a drink.
Well, we're flying down Bee Ridge Road, she sees a gas station, and with no warning, she just pulls a wicked right hand turn, I don't even think she used a blinker, and she went up and over one of those parking lot curbs on just the passenger side of the car, my side.

The right tire went up and over, and all of my titanium felt like it went up into my skull and slammed back down into my tailbone, and then the back right tire went up and over, and again, the titanium felt like it went up into my skull and slammed back down again.
I am still in a world of hurt from hitting that curb around 65mph, days later.

Then!
I was so upset about some text messages that I received, approximately 27 of them over the course of just an hour, that when I went to get out of the car at the pharmacy, I fell out, landed on my hands and knees, and again, all of the titanium felt like it got slammed around in there.
I am still in so much pain.

Those text messages, ugh.
A so-called friend of like 7 years, was ripping into me because I said no to her latest request of wanting more of my time and things that I have.
She's always asking me for stuff, cigs, laundry soap, to fix her computer, all kinds of stuff, and this time, she knew that I got my food stamps on Wednesday, so she asked me to let her buy them off of me for .50cents on the dollar, I said no, I don't sell them, ever, they are for me to buy my family food.
She started texting in all caps that she needed the food stamps to buy food for her house because she spent the money her husband gave her for groceries on drugs, and so if she didn't get the groceries, he was gonna be furious and know that she was using.
I said that wasn't my problem, I wouldn't be selling her my stamps, no, sorry.
She spent the next 20 some-odd text messages absolutely berating me, calling me names, telling me that I was a terrible friend to her, that I never help her, that she's always helping me, doing things for me, so I owed her this, that technically, I should just give her ALL of my stamps, so many really horrible things, I was just absolutely crushed, devastated, that she was saying all of that to me.
The friends that I was with who took me to the doc's, they read the messages and were just floored, telling me that wasn't right for her to be talking to me like that, and also to do it by text message was just super cowardly too.
I just had such a horrible day on Wednesday between the curb accident, falling out of the car, and those messages, just a really, really, super bad day.
My blood pressure has been through the roof, I haven't been sleeping hardly at all, but insomnia is nothing new for me.
But then today around 11am, I passed out cold on the couch and didn't wake up until almost 8pm.
I just passed out from total exhaustion I guess.
I am also an emotional eater.
When I am really super sad and stressed out, I eat, and eat, and eat.
I had bought a red velvet cake on Wednesday when I went shopping, the cake WAS slightly smaller than a pound cake in width and length, and it WAS to die for.
Because of how upset I was, crying, yelling, screaming, and in so much physical pain too, I just ate that entire cake all by myself in 3 sittings/slices.
I can't believe that I did that, I haven't stuffed like that in years and years, but Wednesday, everything that happened, all of the pain, physical and emotional, I stuffed big time and ate an entire cake all by myself.
I feel really horrible about doing that because I've done so well with my weight loss, so the emotional stuffing, wow, that was just so bad and I really haven't done that in years.

Anyway, when I went to the store, I only got a few things to make a few meals, so I do need to go back and I was hoping that the coupons my mom said she sent me would have come today, but oh well, they didn't, so I'll just wait until they come to do the rest of my shopping.
I need to and like to save as much money on groceries as possible.
I am still so upset about what my "so-called friend" did and said, all over MY food stamps.
She behaved like I should have just given them to her, like I should have just done it so that her husband didn't catch her doing drugs again.
She's been doing them for a long time and he said if he caught her again, he was going to leave, so she just expected me to cover for her, let her go buy their groceries so she didn't get caught, and when I said no, she accused me of wanting her to get caught.
I don't give a crap what people do, but just don't expect me to fix it for them, ya know?
Just don't demand that I fix your mistakes, and that's what she did to me, demanded that I let her spend my food money so she doesn't get caught, and all of the things that she said to me, still hurt me, I am still so so upset by it all, it still hurt really bad.

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September 15, 2010

Doctors, friends, and shopping.

I had some friends spend the night with us last night, it was so great to have them here, spend the night talking, laughing, just hanging out.
I have so missed having them around, so when they asked to come spend the night, I said "Of course, come right over!"
They are taking me to my doctor appointment this morning around 9am, so it was much easier for them to spend the night anyway, but our visits have been so rare lately that having them hang out overnight was just really great.

I have a couple things to talk to my doctor about today, like my insomnia, my weight loss, and my nerves.
Well, anxiety, to be more specific.
I have just been so stressed out lately, for months it feels like, and it probably has been months, just building and building up inside me, and it has been slowly seeping out in these tiny little explosions of both extreme anger and extreme sadness.
I have either been screaming mad or crying uncontrollably, and then it shuts off as quickly as it started, so I need to talk to him about it, it has really been bothering me to be an emotional roller-coaster, jumping at the slightest sounds, crying, yelling, just all over the place.

I also need to talk to him about my super quick weight loss because it's bothering people.
Yes, MY weight loss is bothering people.
It has taken me a full year to lose 46lbs and keep it off, not gain any of it back, and still losing more weight.
In July 2009, I weighed 196, I now weigh 150 on the dot, and I am still losing more.
I've lost 46lbs slowly over the course of a year, but it's really bothering some people.
I've been told that I look totally unhealthy, that I've lost too much weight, and that there must be something wrong with me like an eating disorder or something, all because I'm losing weight.
I know that I lose weight in my legs really quickly, I lose it in my arms and legs before I start losing it in my midsection, so when people see my skinny legs, they assume that the rest of my body is just as thin but they can't tell because I wear baggy shorts and shirts.
So just to shut some people up, *cough neighbor lady cough* I'm going to ask my doctor if I'm OK, if the amount of weight that I've lost is too much for my height, frame, and age, BUT I am going to tell him that it took me a year to lose those 46lbs, that I didn't drop it all in like two or three months, but I am also kind of curious if I'm OK, which I'm sure that I am, but people have made me a little self-conscious about it now.
I HATE that.
I hate how other people's perceptions of us, well me, affect me and my thinking about myself.
I was all proud of myself that for the first time in years, I'm down to 150 again, and now their opinions of how I look too thin has me worried that maybe I am too thin.

After I go to the doctor's, I need to take the teen's computer back to Geek Squad because they repaired it, but didn't actually repair it.
The computer is still doing the exact same thing that it was doing when I first brought it to them a month ago, and they replaced the motherboard to repair a video problem that we didn't even have, they wiped out the hard drive of all of our programs, and then said it was fixed, and told us to come pick it up.
We brought it home, plugged it in, and a disc started to auto-run.
They left one of their disc in it, one of their testing discs.
We took the disc out, rebooted, and it did the exact same things that caused us to bring it in for repair the first time, over and over and over.
When we picked it up, they never plugged it in to show us that they had it working like they are supposed to do either.
Had they plugged it in to show us, they would have realized that they left one of their discs in there.
I have already spoken to the store manager, he's expecting me to bring it in for repair, again, this week.

Then after that, I need to go to the pharmacy, and then much later on today because doing all of that this morning is going to wipe me out for awhile, do the grocery shopping at Publix.
And speaking of my neighbors, the landlord came over and warned them again about being careful flushing when it rains heavy, and also about NOT flushing things like baby wipes because the septic system cannot handle it.
He also told them that they need to switch to a septic-safe toilet paper like Scott instead of any kind of toilet paper that says super soft, quilted, 3 ply, etc etc.
The paper needs to be septic-safe, and Scott is as safe as it gets.
He also told them that they also need to be putting down one single box of Rid-X every single month too, not just me, but there are three of them using both of their bathrooms, so they need to dump just one box per month down there.
And boy, didn't she complain about that!
Oh my god! You would have thought he told her to replace the entire septic system because she complained about the cost of of that one single box like it was simply going to break her finances and budget every month!
It only costs $4.99, that's it, and it just has to be done once per month, but she complained and complained like the stuff costs $1,000.00 per box!
I really do not miss this stuff about them living next door.

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August 26, 2010

What a rainy, crazy, and crappy week it has been.

It has been raining off and on all week long, and when it rains, I am a totally useless lump of flesh on the couch.
I haven't been able to do much of anything at all, I've been in far too much pain to do anything, and I have been sick on top of it, so yeah, just miserable.
___________________

On Tuesday morning, I received a text message from Moe, the guy who owns the corner store, a really great guy, who was letting me know that Rachel, the girl who worked there and was a friend to me, had killed herself sometime around 2am Tuesday morning.
She left her purse, cell phone, all of her things at the store around midnight, said that she was going home, but something snapped I guess, and she ended up hanging herself in the little wooded area right behind the corner store.
I've walked up to the corner store and back a few times now, and there is now a cross, flowers, and 4 large candles placed there for her.
This afternoon when I was on my way to the pharmacy and grocery store, I stopped and lit all 4 of the candles for her. The rain had put them all out.
I said a few words for her as I lit them, I said that I hoped that she finally was at peace now, that whatever it was that drove her to that, hopefully, she was at peace now. I also said that if I had known she was thinking of doing that, that I would have gladly talked to her, that I would have been a friend to listen, and a shoulder to cry on, that I would have tried to help her.

I know all too well that feeling of hopelessness, of feeling like there's no way out of the current and horrible situation that drives you to think of suicide, and that if she had only talked to someone, maybe it didn't have to end that way.
I know that's what happened for me.
In 2001 when I had to stop working, when I got the wicked bad news about my back, I felt so lost and hopeless, like a total failure as a mother, I couldn't work anymore, how was I going to provide for my boys, what was I going to do, how the hell was I going to get out of this super mess?!?
My landlord, of all people, just happened to knock on my door on one of the days that I was crying uncontrollably and thinking of ending it all, he asked what was wrong, and it all just came spilling out of me like a flood.
He came in to my home and talked to me for hours, he gave me so many reasons to not kill myself, he saved my life that day, and I have never thought of suicide again, and the very few times that it has slipped back into my head, the words he said to me that morning come back.
If only someone had been there for Rachel, if only someone had asked her what was wrong, maybe it wouldn't have ended this way.
If I had known she was thinking of suicide, if I had only known that she was feeling so lost and hopeless, I know that I would have talked to her, I would have repeated the same words my landlord said to me, maybe it would have made a difference, maybe it would have helped, or maybe it wouldn't have, there's really no way to know now.
All I can do now is hope that she's finally at peace, that whatever it was that brought her to hang herself, was finally over for her.
_______________________

In other news, Sebastian started school again on Monday, they didn't have him registered for any classes yet, none, so he had to sit and wait for almost 3 hours while they figured out why he didn't get signed up for any of the classes he had registered for, then register him for them again, and print his schedule.
Ugh.
Then on Wednesday, the teens had to go and give their depositions in the "iced tea mugging", so he missed a day of school for that and the vice principal is demanding he bring in proof that he was doing depositions, she wants the actual subpoena, not a copy, and uh, sorry, he needs those for the courts, so she's getting a photocopy of it, like it, lump it, or suck it.
________________________

This morning started out really good.
The sun finally poked back out, and I got an email from Lori at A Cowboy's Wife, letting me know that I had won the giveaway she had on her blog for an awesome pair of Langston's cowboy boots!
I have been given the promo code to go to the site and pick out my pair and order them, yay!
These are the ones that I really like, so I'm pretty sure that they are the ones that I'm going to get.
________________________

The sun came out, I won a great giveaway, and I got paid a day early so I was able to go and pick up my meds, pay a bill to keep the lights on, and get some groceries for the house.
Hopefully things just keep getting better from here on out!

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August 10, 2010

Rain, sick, sleepless.

I have been sick and in pain for like the last four to five days now, and it has totally sucked.
Between the rain and my arthritis, my back, insomnia, and meds running low, I have just been a totally useless waste of flesh laying around the house.

Sebastian spent most of the weekend at my sister's house, and Mark spent most of the weekend at his friend Jeff's house playing video games, so I didn't feel quite so bad about being so sick and sleeping off and on, complaining about my pain and the crappy rainy weather.
No one was here to listen to me. haha

I spent the whole weekend either sleeping for 15-30 minutes at a time or watching movies when I had insomnia and just couldn't sleep at all.
I watched the entire Indiana Jones collection, Iron Man, The Karate Kid, and a ton of other movies that the names are currently drawing a blank on me.

The only thing of any real importance that happened this weekend is that my doctor's PA Mary, (physician's assistant) called me on Sunday afternoon, and she told me that my doctor and her are no longer at the office that they were previously at, and she gave me all of the new information on where they are and stuff, and so then today, I called and scheduled my appointment with them for this month instead of at my old office.
I never saw the other doctor from that practice, so I want to stick with my doc and the PA Mary if I can, so I did.
I have no idea why they left, but hey, whatever, as long as I get in for my appointments every month I'm happy. I'll ask why they left when I go in to see them.

I figured that I should at least check in here in case anyone was wondering about me.
Not that many people do anymore, and I know that it's because my posting has become totally sporadic, I often don't post for days at time and I wish I could get back on track, but I don't know, I just feel so out of it for the last few months.
Like I wake up in the morning and just feel, empty, blank, just totally empty.
Ever feel that way?
Like not sad, not happy, no depressed, not hungry, not tired, not sleepy, not anything, just blank, empty feeling, like no emotions at all.
Empty.
That's the best way that I can explain things.
Empty.

---

August 3, 2010

To sleep, perchance to sleep?

Well Momma Maggie and her four babies have gone on to their new home today, just right through my back yard!
My friends got a duplex apartment on the street right behind me, and their back door faces the back of my house, so we can go visit with the kitty babies any time that we want to.
That's really good as we've loved having them here, it's always fun to have baby kitties around, and Momma Maggie was just so sweet and loving, and she let us hold her babies too.
They were all so soft, they had that new kitten smell, it's like a brand new baby smell, but from a cat.
They mewed so tiny and sweet, they slept in funny positions, it was just a lot of fun having them here.

I think that I'm finally exhausted enough to sleep, at least I hope I am.
It's now been five days, maybe six, that I haven't slept at all, and I feel like I'm running on fumes.
Well that's not totally true, I'm actually running on Diet Coke, Pall Mall Lights, and sugar cookies.
After so many days of not sleeping, I can't even really eat a meal, it makes me feel sick, so I just drink my Diet Cokes, smoke, and ingest sugar to keep me going until my body finally decides to let me sleep.
I know, not a healthy way to do things, and yes, I know all about the smoking, but I'm doing the best that I can do here.
I have been suffering from terrible bouts of insomnia for about the last five to six years now.
I'll go for days and days without sleeping at all, maybe catch a few minutes dozed off in my chair, or maybe 15 minutes or so on the couch, but these last few days, I haven't gotten any sleep at all, not even one single minute, so I'm so totally exhausted, my brain is completely fried, I am not even sure if I'm thinking clearly or not at this point.
I feel like I'm rambling on and on,yet I can barely type at all, my hands and fingers feel so very heavy, I keep making mistakes, having to click on the spell checker or backspace to correct my mistakes.

Before I try to go to sleep though, I have quite a few emails that I need to answer, I have been putting a few of them off for at least four to five days, so now I need to answer them.
Hopefully it's not too late to answer some of them, they didn't say they were time sensitive, but you never know, some people expect a reply within 24 hours, and if they don't get it, they just don't want anything at all to do with you after that.
I really hope that's not the case with some of them, they seemed kind of interesting to me so I'll keep my fingers crossed that I haven't lost my chance to talk with some of these people.

Anyway, I am going to go answer those emails now, hopefully answer those emails now. haha
And then yes, I am going to go lay down, and I am pretty sure that this time, I'll be able to fall asleep.
I really do think that tonight's the night.
Yes I do.

---

July 31, 2010

A very long and rough night for a friend of mine.

I have permission from my friend Nik, who this is about, to post this.
I have blogged about Nik a few times on here, and before I left to come back home tonight, I asked her if it was OK for me to blog about this just in case some people may be wondering where I was and what I was doing all night long.
I know I don't lead a terribly exciting life, but I do get emails from friends every so often asking me why I haven't posted, asking if I am OK or not because I haven't posted.
So this will explain where I was all night long.

My friend Nik was on her way to pay her cell phone bill and get it turned back on, she was a little late making the payment so they shut her off, and so she was going to pay it in person and get it turned back on, and then run a few more errands before coming back home and then her and I were going to have a movie night up at her place.
She stopped at a Hess gas station in Bradenton to get some drinks for her and her eight year old daughter L. who went with her, and when they got back to the truck, her daughter got in on the driver side, slid over, Nik threw her keys and cell phone on the seat next to her daughter and was just about to throw her purse in and hop in the truck herself, when some guy hit her on the back of the head really hard, grabbed her purse, and took off.
Nik never saw him, she got hit in the head from behind, it dropped her to her knees she said, so she never even got a glimpse of the guy, and her poor little daughter L., was so scared and freaked out, all she can remember seeing was a black man in a white tank top and dark colored pants, she was just so scared because she saw her mommy get hit, heard her mommy scream and cry, and so that is all she saw, a black man in a white tank top and dark colored pants.
Nik called the cops from the store phone, she never even got to get to the cell phone place to turn her phone back on yet, the cops showed up did their thing, took her and her daughter's statements, asked other people if they saw anything, then the cops had to call Hess corporate to be able to review the video surveillance tapes of the parking lot to try and get a look at the guy, try to see how he escaped, either on foot, bike, or a car, and hopefully, if it was a car, get the make, model, and HOPEFULLY, a plate number to try and catch this jerk.
Nik had to go to the hospital in Bradenton to get checked out and luckily she didn't get her head split open, but she has one hell of a knot on the back of her head, and her poor little girl is absolutely terrified.
Nik is not allowed to go to sleep because of the possibility of a concussion, so I had to go up to her apartment up the street and stay with her to keep her awake until G., her daughter's father and her roommate, (they are not together as a couple but live together for the sake of their daughter, looonnnng story) came home from wherever he was so he could keep her awake for the rest of the night.
He came home around 1:45am and I stayed for a little bit to help Nik explain to him what had happened and why she has to be kept awake all night.
I also told him that I took L. to her grandparent's house, his parent's house, who so conveniently (thank goodness they do in situations like this!) live right across the street from their apartment building.
I told the grandparents what had happened, why poor little L. is so scared and upset, and so they hugged her tightly and are going to be taking care of her for the whole night, letting her sleep over their house, cuddling with her, and letting her know that everything will be OK in the way that only grandparents have that special way of somehow making the grand-kids really believe that everything really is going to be alright.
L. was just crying and sobbing, and she was holding onto my hand so tightly as she and I crossed the street to go to their house, and she kept saying that a really, really bad man had hit her mommy on the head and took her purse, he hurt her mommy bad, she kept repeating to me as we crossed the street and knocked on their door.
She just fell into her grandmother's arms when she opened the door.
Poor little thing. *wicked sad face*

So anyway, I just got back home a little bit ago.
But poor Nik.
She had just got her first SSI monthly check in the mail, yesterday, Friday, and she had just cashed it and was on her way to pay and get her cell phone turned back on, and then she was going to go pay her car insurance bill, and then come home and she, L. and I, were going to have a girl's movie night at her place.
But it was so wicked hot out, so she stopped for waters for her and L. at a Hess gas station.
The guy must have been in line behind her, or next to her, or something, saw the amount of money in her wallet, and just went for it, decided to take her whole purse, violently.
She said if he had spoken to her, if he had just asked for the money, or just threatened to hurt her for the money, that she would have just handed him all of the money as long as he didn't hurt her or her daughter, she would have just given it to him to avoid a violent confrontation in front of her daughter, she would do anything to protect her child.
He hit her so hard in the back of the head so she doesn't even know if he used his closed fist or if he had some sort of weapon in his hand, she just knows it hurt really super-wicked bad and dropped her to her knees.
She has a massive lump on the back of her head where she got hit, so she is really lucky that whatever he hit her with, didn't split her head wide open, the lump is that freaking huge.

Nik is so upset, and not just about the lump and the pain and the money, but because she had just cashed that check, it was her very first check after finally being approved for SSI and SSDI after almost 4 years of court hearings and doctors, and paperwork up the butt to finally get approved.
It was the very first check in what feels like a never ending battle to get approved, that first check is like a huge sigh of relief when it finally comes, it just takes all of the stress and worry off of your shoulders that you've been carrying around for all of the years that you have been fighting to get approved for your disability.
She just got a new set of MRIs and saw her doctor, he is talking major surgery, spine fusion surgery, and she is so scared, so she and I have been talking a lot about it, I've been there, done that, so I can help her get through it.
Anyway, it was just a monthly check, not the big retroactive check, that would have really sucked, but still, it was a lot of money to have taken that way, almost $500 just ripped from her violently in front of her daughter, and not to mention everything else in her purse.
Her license, her social security card, her food stamp card, medicaid card, her prescription insurance card, her bank and debit cards, freaking everything was in her purse, so not only did I have to help keep her awake all night long until G. came home, but we had to call as many places as we could that were still open for customer service calls and tell them to cancel all of the cards, give them the police report case number so the cards could all be marked as stolen.
Thank goodness all of them had the press the number option to report your card as lost or stolen, so we were able to report every single one of them as stolen, and I also had her call the three credit reporting agencies so they could put alerts on her credit reports just in case something happens and her SS card number doesn't get canceled immediately by the SSA.

The whole late afternoon and night were a freaking nightmare for her.
The attack happened around 3pm or so, maybe a little later, and she didn't get home from Bradenton and the hospital until around 8pm when she called me up crying really hard and begging me to come up to her apartment, she begged me for help, she didn't even know where or how to begin reporting things as stolen, and her head hurt really bad, she was just sobbing and begging me for help, so with the teens gone for the night to my sister's house, I immediately got myself dressed and walked straight up to her place.
I did every single thing that I could think of to report all of her cards as stolen, and a few of the places that we called gave us some other numbers to call for some of her other things that were stolen, so I think we got it all covered and taken care of, I hope.
Identity theft really sucks so I really hope that we got everything canceled ASAP.
What helped a lot was that I made her remember and write down a list of every single card that she could recall being in her wallet slot by slot, visualize the contents of the wallet, so that I could look up all of the telephone numbers for each one so that she could call them and explain, I kept track of each one as we called it, checking it off of the list, made sure she gave each one the police report number and everything that she needed to tell each place when she called.
I had written it all down for her so that she wouldn't be stumbling over her words not knowing exactly what to say.
It was so hard for her, she was in such wicked bad pain, I kept changing out her ice pack for her, getting her drinks of water, hugging her when she started to break down and cry again, and she was trying really hard not to cry when she was speaking to people on the phone, but her whole purse with everything in it was stolen so violently from her in front of her daughter, it was just such a horrible night for her.

I feel so so bad for her, but I did every single thing that I could think of to do to help her.
I really think just having a friend sitting there on her bed with her, hugging her when she needed it, letting her cry, telling her that things were going to be OK, letting her talk about her very frightening experience, helping to take care of her and her head injury, and making sure her daughter was in a safe place for the night, and just being a good, loving, and supportive friend, is what she really needed to help her get through a very traumatic afternoon and night.
Once G. found out what had happened and he knew that L. was in a safe place for the night, and also knew that his daughter didn't get physically injured, he also was extremely supportive of Nik.
They may no longer be married, they may sleep in separate bedrooms at the apartment, and they may really just be living together for the sake of their daughter, but I saw the look in his eyes as he was listening to Nik tell what happened.
There is still some love there, he still cares very deeply for her, he has never moved on, never gotten into any serious relationships after her, and even though they agreed to split the rent and bills, just live as roommates who happen to be the parents of L., he just pays everything and doesn't complain.
I really think that he takes care of his family because that is how he sees it, it's his family living in that apartment, and he loves both his daughter and Nik.
Really, the look in his eyes and also the way that he hugged her when she started to cry again, yeah, he still cares for her and loves her very, very much.

---

July 28, 2010

I'm babysitting newborns!

I posted to Twitter and Facebook last night but forgot to post about it here, ooops, sorry!
Some friends are moving, but they can't move into their new place until Monday, so they are staying with some friends but the friends said no pets, so I am babysitting their cat Maggie.
Maggie was pregnant, she was not not due for another week or so, but the stress of moving caused her to go into labor early and she gave birth to four tiny baby kitties yesterday!

This is a picture of Momma Maggie and her babies, click for biggie.

These are the tiny kitty babies on the second day of their lives!
To me, tiny kitty babies are more precious than diamonds. They are just so stinking cute!
I wanna pick them up and cuddle with the all!
Click for biggie size on this one too!

We are having so much fun with Maggie and her kittens, the teens just love them.
Mark loves the little orange one of course, it reminds him of his cat Simba that he had when he was younger and it was killed by the store owner that ran the store below our apartment.
That guy killed five cats that morning, jerk
I went in the other room and caught Mark laying on the bed just staring at the little kitty, he looked so sad, so I asked him what was wrong, he said that he missed Simba a lot and this little kitty looks just like him.
I gave him a hug and put the kitten in his hands, he smiled, said it was so tiny and cute, but it made him nervous to be holding such a small newborn, so I put it back in the box with Maggie and he went back to just laying there staring at the kittens and smiling.
Kittens make people smile, happy.
Mark may miss Simba, but seeing the tiny kittens makes him happy.

---

July 8, 2010

Vaio, Vizio, not quite the same thing.

My friend Nik stopped over yesterday for a little bit and she kept staring at the tv.
I finally asked her what was up, and she asked me if it was a Sony VAIO tv.
I said "No, a Sony Vaio is a laptop."
She was like "Oh, it looks just like my tv, it even says the same thing at the bottom."
I laughed a little bit and said "So it says Vizio at the bottom?"
She looked at me all confused, so I explained it to her, a Vaio is a laptop, they don't make Sony Vaio tv sets, and if her tv looks just like our tv and even says the same thing at the bottom, then it's a Vizio LCD HDTV.
She kept asking me if I was sure, and I said "Yes, they really don't make a Vaio tv, I've seen your tv Nik, it's a Vizio just like ours.
She finally agreed that it was the same tv when I showed her the Sony Vaio laptops on the computer, I just Googled it and showed her, and that's when she finally got it.
She's not very technical. hahaha

---

June 19, 2010

So close, but yet so far...

I posted about my friend Mindy and her family's situation a few days ago, and you can read about her situation in her own words here, and she's posted an update tonight.

We have been searching for a new place for almost a week and a half.
When I am not working or packing up the house, we are driving all over to look at the next dwelling. We have spoken with many potential prospects which have all fallen short of obtaining the keys because of one problem.
We do not have the full funds.
Every single one of the houses that we have looked at require security,first and last months rent.
We are close but still fall short.

Thanks to so many of you who donated to them to be able to help them secure a new place to live by the end of the month, but they are still a bit short and still need our help.
I know that times are tough for so many people and their families, that's why all I am asking for is if you have just $1.00 that you can donate to them.
If everyone who reads my post and Mindy's donated just $1.00, they would be that much closer to being able to afford the required first, last, and security deposit on a new place to live.
They are so so close people!
They don't need too much more, that's why all I am asking for is just $1.00 from everyone who reads this post.
Please go to Mindy's blog and click on the PayPal donate button in her sidebar and give just $1.00 to her so that her and her family can afford the required first, last, and security deposit to be able to move out of the home they are renting in just 11 days, and into a new rental home.
They only have 11 days to pay the required first, last, and security deposit on a new rental home and move out of the rental home that they have been living in for two years but is now being foreclosed on, and the owners want to sell it ASAP to try and avoid the foreclosure.

In the state of Florida, if you are a month-to-month renter, either party, owner or renter, only has to give 15-30 days notice to vacate, and that is what happened.
Mindy, her husband Chris, son Jeff, and young daughter Katie, only have until June 30th to move out or face eviction proceedings which would end up on their credit and make finding a new home to rent even more difficult, as pretty much every single property owner down here runs credit checks before allowing new tenants to move in.
Having an eviction on your credit can ruin your chances of being able to rent a new home to live in even if the eviction was never carried out completely to the end in court.

Mindy and her family have been there for me so so many times over the last five, almost six years.
Because of my back and disability, Mindy and her husband have helped me with so many things from driving me to the hospital for my surgery, grocery shopping, installing a new AC for me, twice, cooking meals for us after my surgeries, cleaning my home after my surgeries, they've driven me to countless doctor appointments and multiple trips to the pharmacy, they've driven me to the hospital ER several times when I was extremely sick, they have done so many things to help me and my family, and they have never asked for a single thing in return from me, not ever.
They have never asked anyone for anything, they have never asked anyone for help, they are always the people helping other people who need help, and they need help this time.
Posting about their situation and asking my readers to donate just $1.00 to help them afford the required first, last, and security deposit on a new rental home, is the only way that I can help them.
Even with all that they are going through, all of the stress they are dealing with because of having to find a new home to rent and move out of that home and into the new home in just 11 days, Mindy is driving over to my house at 4:30am to drive me and Sebastian all of the way to Tampa to the airport to send Sebastian to Maine for a month to get to know his father for the first time in his life, meet all of his half-siblings, and also visit with the rest of his family (Great-Gram, Aunt Heather, Ninny and Pop-Pop) and my friend Shell and her family as well.

It always blows my mind how willing Mindy and her family are to help others.
They never say no to helping someone else in need, whenever I have needed help with anything, there they are, no hesitation, they just help.
Posting about their situation and asking my readers for help is the only way that I can think of to repay them for all of their help and kindness, because they would never accept any kind of payment for all of the help they have given me.
So please, can you donate just $1.00 to help them be able to afford the required first, last, and security deposit on a new home to rent and be able to move in just 11 days?

To help spread the word, you can copy and paste this into your Twitter and that way even more people will read my post and possibly help them reach their goal.

Can you spare just $1.00 to help a blogger & her family not be homeless in 11 days? Thank you!! http://tinyurl.com/2duwdrv

Thank you.

---

June 19, 2010

Friday was one of those days.

Yesterday, Friday, I had a couple of things to do to get ready for Sebastian to go on his trip to Maine for a month, and a friend was supposed to take me so that I didn't have to walk everywhere that I needed to go.
I needed to go get the grocery shopping done, and I needed to go down to the credit union and get a letter notarized giving Shell and her husband Ray, temporary medical guardianship of Sebastian.
He's going to be in Maine from Sunday June 20th, until Sunday July 18th, and if he gets hurt, (oh please no) I want Shell and Ray to be the ones who make any medical decisions for him, they can legally sign for medical treatment of him, and no one else.
But because said friend never showed up yet kept saying they were on their way in 30 minutes all day long, absolutely nothing at all got done.
All day long they had excuses, but they kept telling me they were on the way, for me to stay here, wait, they were definitely coming, so I waited, wasted my whole day.
I didn't get the grocery shopping done, and I never made it to the credit union to get the temporary medical guardianship notarized.

I know that going to those two places doesn't sound like a lot to do, but it actually is because of how much time each thing takes me to get done, especially when I'm distracted and stressed out.
I usually do not go grocery shopping with any friends because friends like to talk while I'm trying to shop.
I have a list in my head, I know each aisle, I know exactly what I need, where it is, and how much it's all going to cost, (Hello? OCD much?) but when I'm with a chatty friend, I lose my place on my mental grocery list and end up forgetting to buy at least a dozen or more items which aggravates me to no end when I get home and realize that I don't have a much needed item to make dinner with because it means that I have to go back to the store.
*breathe*
So for today's outing, knowing that I was going to be with a friend who likes to talk and talk and talk, I wrote out a real list, had my coupons ready, I was ready to go and get it all done as fast as possible without being distracted and stressed out.

Why didn't my friend show up?
I'll tell you why.
She was supposed to be here at 11am, but she said that it was just one thing after another, the dogs needed to go out, the pool needed to be cleaned, the counters were dirty, the dryer stopped and she didn't want things to get wrinkled, she was considering going to North Carolina where her mother lives, where she grew up, because she needs to go see her Charlotte dentist that's been treating her since she was five, and then her and her "old man" got into an argument and she was pissed off and thinking about packing up and just moving back in with her mother in North Carolina, and "OMG Kat! He's driving me nuts! But Kat! I'm on the way! just give me 30 more minutes! I am on the way! I will be there!!"
So I waited.
And waited.
And waited.
I really should have just gone, said screw it, and just walked everywhere that I needed to go, got it all done with because now I'm even more stressed out than I already was.
This trip he's taking has me wicked stressed out and worried.
I'm nervous about him flying alone, nervous about him being alone for the layover in New Jersey, nervous he's gonna wait at the wrong gate and miss his flight and be stuck in New Jersey, all kinds of things that a mother worries about when sending her child off alone for the first time.

Just being told over and over that she was on the way in 30 minutes, to stay here and wait, put me in stress overdrive all day long as I watched the hours ticked away.
It just amplified the stress that I was already overloaded with.
See, when I tell someone that I will be somewhere in 30 minutes, I WILL be there in 30 minutes, probably even there in under 30 minutes, because I hate to wait for people, so I don't ever make people wait for me.
Ever.
When someone tells me that they are on the way to get me, I am ready to go.
I have my shoes on, purse by my side, and the blinds open so I can see them pull in the driveway, and as soon as they do, I'm up and closing the blinds and out the door before they even put the car in park.

I did did call another friend to take me to the store to just get the teens something to eat for dinner.
I ran into Publix and grabbed two subs as fast as they could make them, and then came back home thanking my other friend profusely while I was on the verge of tears the whole time, and so now, I have to go do the full grocery shopping today.
It's gonna suck.
Saturday grocery shopping sucks because it's always super busy with people who can't do their shopping during the week due to their work schedules, and tons of old gray hairs whacking me in the butt with their carts.
Then on Monday, I have to go to the credit union and get the temporary medical guardianship notarized, and then stick it and his insurance card in the mail for Shell.
He was going to have the letter and insurance card on him, in his backpack or suitcase, and just give it to Shell when he sees her, or she could go and pick it up at his father's house so it doesn't get lost or anything, but now I have to mail it and just hope he doesn't get injured between the time I mail it and it gets there because Shell and her husband are the only people that I want making medical decisions for him.
I know that Shell knows CPR and other first aid stuff, I know she knows what to do in the event of a broken bone, excessive bleeding, etc etc, plus I know that if he does get hurt and has to be treated, that Shell will call me and keep me informed every step of the way, and ask me what kind of treatment I want him to have.
I didn't want to burden my parents with that duty, they have their own health issues to deal with, and his father doesn't know any of his allergies or other medical history, Shell does, I know that she can answer almost any medical question about him because we practically raised our kids together when I lived there, and even after moving here, I still told my best friend everything about the teens as they grew up.
I know, I sound totally overbearing and that was a massive run-on sentence, but he's my baby, I'm nervous and worried about him, he's never been away from me for this long, ever, he sticks to me like glue, he's my boy, where I go, he goes, so yeah, I'm really super stressed out about this whole trip.
I don't want to be, I want to not feel this way, but I can't help it, I cannot stop feeling like this, I want him to go and have a great time, but I am going to be a nervous wreck the entire month that he's gone.
And I hate it.

---

June 12, 2010

A blogger friend in emergency need of help.

I've spoken about my friend Mindy here many, many times, about how her and her family are just really great people, any time that I've needed help, a ride, or to be taken to the hospital, there they are, ready and willing to help me.

Well now Mindy and her family need my help, your help, our help.
Her post explains in detail what is happening, but if they don't get some help, Mindy and her family, husband Chris, son Jeff, and daughter Katie, they will be homeless.

Things have not been good recently around here.
Chris and I just recently found out that our landlords must sell the house that we have been renting since October of 2008. It wouldn't be such a big deal because normally tenants are allowed to stay until the house does sell.
Not in this case.
They have asked us to leave by the end of this month.
They are in the midst of a foreclosure and are wanting to sell asap and the easiest way to do that is get rid of the occupants so that it will be a smoother transaction for all parties involved.
Except of course, US.

We may have first months rent but nothing more. We have been looking and most renters now are required to pay security deposit, first and last months rent up front. That is a lot of money to come up with in just a few weeks. A goal that we will not be able to make on our own.
Our parents are all retired. They receive their social security and are budgeted to that alone. They are willing to help as much as they can but the reality is, it will not be enough. My biggest fear is that if we do not come up with enough funds that we need, we will be homeless.

Mindy and her family need our help, whatever you can spare, even if it's just $1, they need our help to come up with a security deposit, first, and last.

Mindy has always been there for me, they never ask anyone for help, they are always the ones helping others, but this time, they really need help.
If you can help, please, please, please, go to Mindy's blog and click on the PayPal donate button and give whatever you can.
And please, spread the word, link to her post on your blogs, Twitter, Facebook, wherever.
Mindy and her family need our help, I am begging for help for them.
They are really great people, so kind, loving, and generous, always helping everyone else.

---

June 8, 2010

Nervously waiting.

Today is Mark's first day on the job, and I'm sitting here all nervous waiting on him to get done and come home.
I'm anxious to hear how it went, if he likes it, and how his back held up being on his feet all day long and stocking shelves etc.
He has his medicine with him, only one dose to get him through his shift, but he's not used to standing on his feet all day, lifting things, I'm nervous/worried that he's in a lot of pain right now and just trying to deal with it until it's time to clock out and come home.
He's usually sitting in a chair playing video games, or watching movies with me, not standing up and walking around for 8+ hours, not lifting 12 packs and stocking the shelves, so yeah, a nervous and worried mom because I know that pain he's dealing with, I used to have to work through that kind of pain.
*bites nails waiting*

In other news, the teen's father and I actually had the most pleasant, polite, and cordial conversation that we've had in 17 years, this morning.
He called because he didn't actually buy the ticket yet, or send the money order yet, he was calling to get full name, date of birth, and address, so that he could purchase the plane tickets today.
He called close to 10am, he asked for the information, I gave it, we politely talked about the cost of tickets and fees that airlines charge for minors flying alone.
Jet Blue considers minors to be 13 and under, and the airline that he was going with says that minors are 17 and under, so he was being charged extra fees for Sebastian flying alone.

I swear, I was really, truly polite, I wasn't biting or sarcastic, I held my tongue because this is something that Sebastian wants, and I want him to be happy, I want him to do this, to have this experience, so when he, their father, asked me for Sebastian's birth date, he didn't know it, he knew it was like a week or so ago, but he didn't know the date, and that really pissed me off, but I held, I held.
I know he has six kids, I know it must be hard to remember all of their birth dates, but to me, this is something he wants too, he wants Sebastian there, he should at least have tried to know the date, Great-Gram knows it, his sister, Aunt Heather, knows it, he could have asked them for the date if he didn't know it.
Know what I mean?
Am I wrong?
Am I asking too much by feeling that him not knowing his son's birth date, is just really wrong?
I didn't yell when I got off the phone, I was still being all calm, cool, and collected on the outside, but inside, I was frothing because of him not knowing Sebastian's birth date.
A parent should just know their child's birth dates, even if they haven't been a part of that child's life for many years, they should just know it, they should know the birth dates of all of the kids that they created.
In my opinion, it's what I think, and I could be wrong, and if I'm wrong, if people tell me that I'm wrong or asking too much, I'll admit it, but really, it hurt.
It hurt to know that he didn't know his birthday.

Today was a rough one for me because of the heat, it was just wicked hot out, I couldn't get cooled off even inside with the AC, even a shower didn't help me.
I needed to go to the store, so we just walked up when Mark had to go at 1pm, got what we needed and came home, but that whole walk, it felt like my heart was gonna beat right outta my chest.
I felt dizzy and light-headed the whole way there and back, and when we got back, I kicked off my sandals and laid on the couch for nearly 2 hours just trying to cool down, relax, and get my heart to stop beating so damn fast.
The store owner, Moe, said that I didn't look well when I got there, and I'm sure I didn't, I was sweating like I was a faucet and hose, my skin was all clammy, and I felt faint, so I'm sure that I looked un-well.
I really am hoping that the summer doesn't get too much hotter than it is, or I'll be spending the entire summer indoors.
The walk, it's just an eight minute walk there, eight minute walk back, but it felt like an eternity, I felt like I was going to pass out the whole walk back home.
I told Sebastian that if I started to go down, to push me toward the grass so I didn't hit my head on the cement sidewalk, I knew that there's no way he could catch me from falling, so I told him to push me toward the grass yards and at least it wouldn't hurt too bad.
Since being back home in the AC and it's night, it's cooled off a few degrees, I feel much better, but I need to remind myself to take my blood pressure meds every day, and I need to drink much more fluids.
I know that I don't ever drink enough water, and after today's experience, I know that I need to drink much more so it doesn't happen again.

Tell me if I'm wrong, if I'm wrong, I'll admit it, I'll say that I'm wrong, but it just really hurt my heart quite a bit because I love Sebastian so much, and his birthday is always important to him, he doesn't ever ask for anything, he just wants to know that people remember his birthday, he doesn't want to be forgotten, and so yeah, it hurt my heart, but if I'm wrong, I'll admit it.

---

April 15, 2010

Maybe some throw rugs?

We ended up not ripping the carpet out today like we had planned, Mindy had a wicked migraine.
I had the house all ready, I didn't move the furniture of course, but I did clean everything up including the table of death, so that when we did need to move the furniture around to pull up the carpet, we didn't have to deal with all my crap first.
When Mindy and Chris didn't get here by 3:30pm, I knew something was up but figured I'd give them a little more time before I called.
When I called at 4pm, I could tell right away that she wasn't ok, it was just the way she answered the phone, and when she told me that she laid down to take a nap to try and kill off a migraine and woke up when she heard the phone ring, she looked at the clock and knew right away what she had totally forgotten to do today.
I told her it was no big deal at all, it can be done another day, so she said that on Saturday after they get done with the yard sale, they'll come over and do it.
She said that her son Jeff doesn't have to work that day, so we'll have an extra able-bodied person to help with it.

Sitting here tonight with my freshly vacuumed carpet, nothing crunching under foot, (chip or cookie crumbs from the teens) and completely clutter-free, I now don't want to be completely without some sort of carpeting.
Terrazzo flooring gets really cold in the winter, and while it does stay cool in the summer, if it gets really humid outside, it tends to sweat a little.
It always has a slightly wet look and feel to it in the summer months, so I always have to throw a towel down on the floor in front of the kitchen sink while I do dishes so I don't slip and fall.

I'd absolutely love to buy another Bissel carpet cleaner, but I really don't know if it would work on getting all of the stains and pee smell out after so much time has passed.
I suppose that I could wait a few more weeks before ripping the carpet out and rent a carpet cleaner from Publix to see if it would, but if it doesn't work, I will have wasted money renting it to clean a carpet that I'm just going to rip out.
A dilemma to ponder, but I only have a few days to ponder it before the 2nd planned rip-out party.
Or I could just go ahead and rip it out as planned and then start saving some money up to buy some throw rugs for in front of my chair and the 2 couches, or maybe a big 8x10 for the living room that would fit in front of both couches, and then get a smaller matching throw rug for in front of my chair.

This hand tufted wool rug is really pretty, and it would match the colors in my living room really nicely.
Click for bigger on both images.

This hand tufted wool rug from India would also perfectly match my home nicely too.

I can't afford either of them at their prices, and they would have to be on a very serious sale for me to afford either, but I do like them, the 2nd one more then the 1st.
I just like the pebble-stone look of the 2nd one, it's just a really unique and pretty rug pattern.
I'm going to keep looking through all of the different rugs, throw rugs, and runners that Buy.com has, they have a pretty big selection, and maybe I can find that same pattern in a smaller rug and if they do, I can start saving up to buy a few of them, I think that 4 would do it.
One for in front of each couch, a throw in front of the kitchen sink, and maybe another small throw in front of my chair.

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April 15, 2010

Ripping it out today!

I have a lot to do today to get the house ready for when Mindy and her husband Chris come over after 3pm.
They are coming over to help me rip out the carpet from the living room.
It seems that while we were away, a cat, or several cats, peed on the living room carpet.
You can buy all that stuff, all of those different sprays that will get rid of the urine smell, but they only get the surface pee stain and smell, it doesn't get the urine down in and under the carpet pad, so we're ripping out the carpet and cleaning up the terrazzo flooring, and that's what I'll have for flooring from now on.
Then we're going to clean up a few more things and dig out some stuff for them to take home and sell at their yard sale on Saturday.
My 35 gallon octagon fish tank is one of those things, it has to go.
There's been no fish in it for like the last 3 years, I've just been running it so the water doesn't mildew and stuff, but it's just taking up space, so yeah, good riddance.
I'm going to go and get all the stuff out of my closet to sell too.
I even have some brand new outdoor patio cushions in the closet for the patio set that George gave us, but the chairs all got ruined by the rain.
They were apparently not meant to be outdoors uncovered, but more like on a covered patio or lanai, not out in direct weather, so they got all mildewed and yucky, so I don't need the cushions anymore.
I have a ton of other stuff to get rid of too, a headboard, a printer, a walker, all kinds of stuff that either sells at the yard sale or the garbage man can take it.

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February 18, 2010

First Communion coming up.

My friend Nic is Catholic, she knows that I am an atheist, and we both respect each others views on the topic of religion, so much so, that Nic has asked me to help her pick out Communion cards for her daughter Leonna's First communion.

When we went grocery shopping the other night, this is one of the things that we talked about as we shopped.
She asked for my help because I am always on the internet and my computer works.
Her computer is totally messed up, one of these days when she has an afternoon off, I'm going to go over and do a fresh install of WinXp, and clean up her entire pc, it really is a mess, but anyway...

Leonna's communion is coming up within the next few months, I think she said it was going to be in May, (or was it June?) so she has plenty of time to find just the right Communion invitations and Communion thank you cards, and then get them ordered and shipped to her in plenty of time to get them all sent out to her family and friends.

I started looking at different card websites tonight to try and help her find just the right ones, and the best site that I found with the nicest selection of invitations was Storkie.com.
Their prices per card with the personalized customizations already included in the price per card, was by far better than any of the other sites that I looked at, and I looked at close to a dozen of them before going back to Storkie again because of the selection and pricing.
Their site was also the easiest to navigate.
Nic said that she didn't mind if she could only get gender neutral cards, but Storkie does them all kinds of ways, by gender, gender neutral, photo cards, magnetic cards, they even do customized napkins and cookies which I thought was pretty cool.
I've only been to a few communions for friends before, so I never really knew just how much went into the planning and finding of just the right kinds of invitations and party favors before tonight.
There are so many things that can be done for the event, and it is a pretty big deal in the kid's life, so getting things done up right is really pretty important.

Anyway, I really liked the cards that can be personalized with pictures and your own text as well.
I think a style like this is way better than a generic card with pre-printed generic writing on it.

They also have the matching thank you cards to go with each particular design too, so the one that I just posted above, has a matching thank you card to send out to family and friends after the communion party is over.

I've bookmarked Storkie so that I can show it to her when she has some time to come by this weekend to start picking out what she wants.
I've also picked out some of my favorite ones so that I can show her what I like, what I think would be perfect for Leonna.
I like the black and white, simple, crisp, and clean, but I also know what colors Leonna likes, so I'm going to go through and find a few styles in colors close to what she likes to show to Nic as well as the black and white from above, and hopefully she will be able to find just the right ones so she can get busy ordering them in time for the communion.

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February 16, 2010

Food, allergies, and hopefully, a vacation.

Things have just been so mega crappy for me lately, and I know, I complain way too much on my blogs, but eh, they're my blogs and I'll whine if I want to.
The cold weather is freaking killing me, every single joint aches so bad from the cold and my arthritis, it's just been miserably painful, so I haven't been online much at all, haven't done any work, or done much of anything really.
I did go to the store yesterday to buy some food for the teens to eat, I haven't felt like eating much lately, but while there, I must have touched something that had some peach stuff on it.
I'm seriously allergic to peaches, so within an hour of getting home, my hands and lips, and parts of my face had started to swell up and be painful.
And of course, I didn't know that I had come in contact with any peaches, so I didn't buy any Benadryl or anything to combat the allergy attack.
Then the hives started to form all over my whole body.
Arms, legs, torso, hands, and face.
By 11pm, it looked as though I had just gone through a round of acne scar removal therapy, my face had huge red puffy hives all over it, eyelids swollen, cheeks puffed up and red, it looked bad.
I'm glad that I really don't go anywhere or have to look good for anyone, because I looked really, really bad.

I will be getting my income tax refund back sometime next week, direct deposited to my Amscot account, and I am hoping that after I pay a few bills and things off, that the teens and I can go to Maine to visit everyone.
Visit my parents, the teens Great-Gram and Aunt Heather, and then all of my newly found bio-siblings and families.
The teens and I would love to go up, we haven't been back home to Maine in like 4-5 years, and now, with all of my newly found bio-siblings, I have so many people to try and visit in just 1 week of vacation time.
I seriously need a vacation, and even though it will be wicked busy visiting everyone, I still need to get up and go home, go away from here, go see my best friend Shell and sister Joanne, everyone.
I think a huge part of my lack of focus and drive, my lack of motivation, and even part of my depression, for the last few months, is because I am so far away from everyone that I love, I am away from them, alone, and it really bothers me sometimes to not be able to just go hang out with my best friend, or now that I found her, be able to go talk to my big sister Joanne.
I really hope that I can find some good ticket prices so that we can afford to go, I need it in a bad way.
Keep your fingers crossed for me to find good prices from either Sarasota or Tampa, to Portland Maine, ok?

I have so much to do still, so much work to catch up on, I have laundry piled up, I still need to go get the actual groceries too.
I just bought simple and easy stuff yesterday, just what Sebastian and I could carry home, so later this evening, my friend Nic and I are going to go do the real grocery shopping, so I need to make sure my list is complete, get my coupons together, and then just wait for Nic to be ready to go.
I'm going to attempt to get as much stuff done as I can in the meantime though.

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February 12, 2010

Slowly coming back to life.

All I can say is please let this sickness finally be over, please.
I have been so sick for going on almost 3 and a half weeks now, it's been horrible, and I certainly have absolutely no need for any kind of diet supplements right now or probably anywhere in the near to see future.
I haven't been able to eat anything, cook anything, not even look at any kind of food, or else I have ended up running to the bathroom to hurl up nothing but stomach bile.
Tonight, my friend Nic was out running some errands and called to ask me if the teens had eaten dinner yet.
I said no, not really, they had some cereal I think, I couldn't be sure as I was in laying down on Sebastian's bed with all of the kitties, so she said she'd bring them back something to eat.
About an hour or so later, she knocked and then just came on in, (friends are allowed to just walk in) and she had brought the teens some burgers and fries from Checkers.
She just grabbed them each 2 cheeseburgers, 2 fries, and a drink each, off of their dollar menu.
The teens were thrilled and started chowing down almost before she set the bags down.
I was eternally grateful because there was simply no way that I could cook anything at all.

On top of being sick, it's been cold here for the last 2 days, and then it rained all day today, so I was sick and in horrid pain all over my entire body.
I'm just now able to really sit up and do anything at all.
I tried to combat the pain and stiffness from the weather, and took a Soma.
Bad idea.
It's not nicknamed the Soma Coma for nothing.
I'm glad that it started to wear off though, I couldn't take it much longer, I was so out of it.
I was like a walking zombie.
I couldn't see straight, think straight, walk straight, very bad idea.

In bio-family news.
My bio-brother Randy sent me an envelope full of pictures
It was pics of all of us from when we went to NYC.
I thought that was cool, Randy and I don't get many opportunities to talk or anything, he's always so busy working.
I will text him tomorrow and say thanks, hope he texts back.
We play cell phone tag more than we actually talk to each other.
Anyway, I'll have to scan some of the pics and post them, they are really nice, there's one of just he and I.
I don't even recall that one being taken, everything that happened was such a blur that morning, but now I have one of just my brother and I.
I really miss them.
That time we spent together was simply not long enough, not at all.
I want to get together and hang out, talk, spend time getting to know each other.
It's so hard, me down here in South-west Florida, and all of them up in Northern Maine.
It's very hard to learn that you have these siblings, this family that you never even knew that you had, and never get to see them.

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January 15, 2010

Extraordinary Measures movie review.

Last night Mindy and I went and saw Extraordinary Measures at the Muvico in Tampa.
Many thanks to CBS films for letting us be at the advanced screening of the film for free, it was most definitely appreciated as we both needed a night out, just us girls, so we could see a good movie, talk, and have some fun.

Synopsis

"Extraordinary Measures" is inspired by the true story of John Crowley, a man who defied conventional wisdom and great odds, and risked his family's future to pursue a cure for his children's life threatening disease. From his working class roots, John Crowley (Brendan Fraser) has finally begun to taste success in corporate America. Supported by his beautiful wife Aileen (Keri Russell) and their three children, John is on the fast track. But just as his career is taking off, Crowley walks away from it all when his two youngest children, Megan and Patrick, are diagnosed with a fatal disease. With Aileen by his side, harnessing all of his skill and determination, Crowley teams up with a brilliant, but unappreciated and unconventional scientist, Dr. Robert Stonehill. (Harrison Ford) Together they form a bio-tech company focused on developing a life-saving drug. One driven to prove himself and his theories, the other by a chance to save his children, this unlikely alliance eventually develops into mutual respect as they battle the medical and business establishments in a fight against the system - and time.

I thought the movie was going to be a total tear-jerker, but it wasn't.
There was only one scene where I felt like crying like the main character did, John Crowley, played by Brendan Frasier, when he thought he had screwed up so bad that he ruined his chance to help save his kid's lives.
Based on a true story, John Crowley was doing everything that he could do and think of to try and save the lives of his kids who suffer from Pompe Disease.
In Pompe Disease, normally, the body uses GAA to break down glycogen, a stored form of sugar used for energy. But in Pompe disease, mutations in the GAA gene reduce or completely eliminate this essential enzyme. Excessive amounts of glycogen accumulate everywhere in the body, but the cells of the heart and skeletal muscles are the most seriously affected.
Kids with the disease often don't live much past the age of 9-10, so John Crowley gave up his job, moved his family across the country, to try and prove the theories of Dr. Robert Stonehill, played by Harrison Ford.
Thanks to the hard work and sacrifice of both Crowley and Stonehill, an enzyme replacement therapy drug was created and it is actually working to help babies and kids with the disease to keep their hearts and other organs from growing too large and breaking down the muscles.

It was a really fantastic movie, I really enjoyed it, and as I said, it wasn't the tear-jerker that I thought it was going to be, not at all.
It was a movie about the hard work, determination, and love a parent has for their children.
I would highly recommend the movie to anyone to go see, it was definitely a movie worth watching as both Frasier and Ford did an outstanding job in their roles.
Harrison Ford plays a really eccentric and cranky scientist with a theory about the disease and how to treat it, but he's never had a drug go to trials, and never had a drug approved, so getting the venture capital needed to make and test the drug was an impossible feat for him.
That's where Frasier's character comes in, he has the business skills needed to get people to invest, he does whatever he has to to get the funding so Stonehill can get the drug made and into trials, and then approved, including having to sell-out to a larger drug company so that everything can happen at a much faster pace.
The things he did, he had to do even though it really angered Stonehill to have to sell-out and go work in a huge pharmaceutical company, but it had to be done, Crowley's kids were drying, they didn't have much time left at all.
In the end, Crowley even had to be fired from his job in order to get his 2 kids into the sibling test trials for the enzyme replacement therapy.

As a parent, I would do anything for my kids, I know how Crowley felt, do anything, everything, to try and save his kids.
Luckily, my sons don't have any life-threatening diseases like this, but Mark does have problems with his spine and I am fighting with the doctors and insurance almost every single day to get him treated now, not in 15-20 years when it may be too late to help him, when it may be so late that he ends up like me.
He's 18, has his whole life ahead of him, I can't let him end up like me, so like Crowley, I will fight and do what it takes to help my son get the medical treatment he needs now, not later.

The movie isn't that long, so we made it home before midnight, and I was dead tired from the long ride there and back, and sitting in the theater seat all that time.
I woke up this morning exhausted, I had big dark circles under my eyes, so I grabbed my eye ice pack and laid back down on the couch for another couple of hours.
I'm still tired but have a lot to do including the grocery shopping.
Ugh.

Oh, when we got to the theater, CBS had saved us our seats because I had asked to be in the handicapped row, middle seating if possible because of the tilt of my head, I cannot be way down front.
Sharon, the host of the screening, escorted us to our seats which she had roped off with caution tape.
The theater was totally packed, there were a lot of people there for the screening, so walking into a packed theater and being escorted to our roped off seats was kind of embarrassing.
Everybody was staring at us because she escorted us to the roped off section and she said really loud that the seats were for the VIP movie screeners for CBS Films, and that they had to hold up the movie for a few more minutes for a few more VIPs.
Ha!
All of the other screeners were from some group that I want to look up, GOFOBO or something like that, but we were treated as VIPs, given special seating, and thanked like a million times, so it was fun and kind of embarrassing, but kind of cool too to be given special treatment.
So thank you very much to CBS Films for allowing us to be a part of the advanced screening.

Extraordinary Measures will be in nationwide release on January 22nd, and I highly recommend the movie.

---

January 14, 2010

Off to the movies in a few hours!

Tonight Mindy and I are going to see the movie Extraordinary Measures all of the way up in Tampa.
It starts it's nationwide theater release on January 22nd, so we are going to see an advanced screening of it tonight, then come home and blog about our thoughts on the movie.

I'm really excited to go see it, it looks like a good tear-jerker of a movie, and I like seeing movies like this especially when they are based on true stories, and I don't mind a good cry because of a movie or tv show every now and then, but I will be prepared for sitting in the movie theater this time.
I'm bringing a pillow with me to sit on so I hopefully don't end up with the same kind of horrible pain that I was in when we went and saw Avatar.

This time, I am going to do whatever I need to do to try and make sure that I don't end up in too much pain from sitting all of that time.
I'm going to take my pain meds and use some of the joint pain treatment things that I have to try and relax my muscles and stuff before we go, and use the pillow to sit on while we're there.
I'm going to take a nice, long, hot shower, rub on some of the pain gel stuff that I have, take a muscle relaxer, and use my wearable heating pad for the ride up to Tampa.
Hopefully, this will keep some of the pain away so that I can enjoy the movie.
I'll let you all know how the movie is when we get back.
It starts at 7:30, so I don't expect to be home until around 11:30pm or midnight.

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January 12, 2010

Dragging butt and coming down.

I haven't felt like myself over the last few days, not at all.
I'm not sure if I'm coming down with something, or just in a total funk.
All I know is I don't feel right, I feel off center of myself, out of place, out of whack.
I know something is wrong because normally, a few days after the holidays are over, I take down all of the xmas decorations.
Nope, they are all still up.
The teens don't care, they said just leave them up year round, I'm all like no, people will think I'm totally nuts if I leave them up all year long, so they told me to take them down if I don't want to be called nuts.
Problem is, I can't seem to take them down.
I look at them, tell myself to take them down, yet I can't, I just have no motivation at all to take them down, box them all up, and put them all away.
I dunno.
Maybe it's the after holidays blues kicking in and kicking me hard, I'm down and dragging butt, just want to lay on the couch and sleep with the kitties.
I am waking Sebastian up for school every day, that's a plus, and I am talking to Mark about school, there's another, yet I can't seem to motivate myself to put the damn decorations away.
A friend of Mark's is also talking to him about school, so maybe he will decide to do it soon.
He needs to do something other than sleep and play video games, and feel bad about stuff.

Oh, and enter my contest to win 1 of 5 copies of Bubble Gum and Hula Hoops, or at least spread the word on your blog and Twitter, please and thanks.

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January 9, 2010

Girls' night out in Tampa this Thursday!

This Thursday night, the 14th, Mindy and I will be having a girls' night out in Tampa, to go see the movie Extraordinary Measures.

Synopsis

"Extraordinary Measures" is inspired by the true story of John Crowley, a man who defied conventional wisdom and great odds, and risked his family's future to pursue a cure for his children's life threatening disease. From his working class roots, John Crowley (Brendan Fraser) has finally begun to taste success in corporate America. Supported by his beautiful wife Aileen (Keri Russell) and their three children, John is on the fast track. But just as his career is taking off, Crowley walks away from it all when his two youngest children, Megan and Patrick, are diagnosed with a fatal disease. With Aileen by his side, harnessing all of his skill and determination, Crowley teams up with a brilliant, but unappreciated and unconventional scientist, Dr. Robert Stonehill. (Harrison Ford) Together they form a bio-tech company focused on developing a life-saving drug. One driven to prove himself and his theories, the other by a chance to save his children, this unlikely alliance eventually develops into mutual respect as they battle the medical and business establishments in a fight against the system - and time.

I know, not your typical girls' night out, no partying at a nightclub until dawn, but it's a night away from home and family, no kids to tend to, no cooking, no cleaning or dishes, but a night out to see a what looks to be a good movie, with a friend.

Now when I went and saw Avatar 2 weeks ago, I loved it, it was a fantastic movie, but sitting through the movie was very difficult on me.
I may have wide hips and a bit of a belly, but I have a very bony ass.
And not just my bony ass, but I also have two 4 inch titanium screws in my hips, and the titanium rods from my spine fusions that go all of the way down to the bottom of my tail bone.
Even though the theater chairs are very well cushioned, having a bony ass and that titanium in my tail bone, made sitting for almost 3 hours, extremely difficult.
Not even at the halfway mark, I could feel my tail bone in my butt, I could feel the titanium in my butt, and I kept trying to shift side to side to make it a little more comfortable.
When I'm sitting here at my desk, I do have a great office chair, it's very cushioned, but I have to have a pillow on it to help, and I still can feel my tail bone and the titanium after a few hours.

What am I getting at here?
Well, when I go see the movie this Thursday night, I'm going to have to bring a pillow with me to sit on, but I would honestly pay $20 for a movie ticket if there was at least 1 specialized movie theater.
What kind of special theater?
Well, one with good and comfy, home style seating.
Maybe some super plush but contemporary sofas, some big and squishy recliners, super long and soft sofas, furniture like people have at home.
I would totally pay $20 per movie ticket to be able to either kick all of the way back with my legs and feet up in a super soft recliner, or lay down on a big and soft sofa.
I would totally love it.
Heck, a big movie theater could makeover just 1 of the many theater rooms they already have, into the special theater room, and play the top movie release of the week, maybe change out the movie in that 1 theater every day or something, but charge $20 a ticket and see if people would buy tickets.
I know that I would, my sons would love it too, so I would pay for them to be in the theater with me on a big sofa or in recliners.
Those of you who have a home theater in your house, you know that it's awesome.
You have all of the benefits of surround sound, a really great and big HDTV, but with the total comfort of home.

I think a special theater would be really cool and totally work, and so if a theater made-over 1 theater room to have the super comfort of home, would you pay more for a ticket to be in there?

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January 8, 2010

Almost got whacked in the parking lot!

My friend Nic and I went to the dollar store early this afternoon, I needed to grab some cat food and stuff, and when we got out of the car to walk to the store entrance, we almost got whacked by not 1, but 2, going way too fast in a parking lot, high risk drivers of the blue haired senior variety.
We almost got run over by 2 blue-haired seniors who obviously couldn't see where they were going because A) they were driving way too fast, and B) because they think they have the right to do whatever they want to whenever they want to, and C) because they probably didn't even see us!
They didn't use their blinkers either, and 1 of them parked in the handicapped space and did not have the thing on their license plate or the plaque hanging from their rear-view mirror either, there was absolutely no handicapped sign anywhere on their car, and neither of them appeared to be handicapped.
Being old is not a disability, it's just being old.
I know that not all disabilities are visible, I know this better than anyone as my disability is not visible, but if there is no handicap sign somewhere on their car, they should not be parking in those spaces no matter how old they are, as I said, old age is not a disability.
When they got out of their cars, Nic yelled at them to watch where they're going next time, and 1 of the old ladies turned around and told us to leave them alone or they were going to call the cops.
WTH?
Call the cops because we told them to watch where they were going?
Seriously, I absolutely hate season, hate it with a passion kind of hate because of all of the out-of-state seniors who are here and driving so dangerously, thinking they own the roads, thinking that they can do whatever they want, and just being incredibly rude.

Moving on!
The dollar store had a really good deal on the kind of cat food that I buy, The Goodlife Recipe.
At Publix, it's $4.99 for a 2.7lb bag, and the dollar store had it for just $3.29 for the 2.7lb bag.
I saved $1.70 per bag, so I might just have to go buy the kitties cat food from there from now on.
I also got a box of Arm & Hammer carpet powder to not only get rid of odors, but I found that it also helps pull all of the cat hairs out of the carpet.
With 4 cats, there's always a ton of cat hairs in the rug, and I end up dumping a ton of dirt and hairs out of the bagless vac normally, even more if I use the carpet powder.
I also picked up some night time cold medicine for Mark because he ends up coughing a lot from his cold when he's trying to sleep.
He's coughing a lot, but he coughs even more at night.
I think I may get some of that Mucinex and see if that helps him, I know that it worked good for me when I tried it, so hopefully it will work good for him so that he can get some sleep.
The poor kid had huge bags under his eyes when he got up today from not getting much sleep.
I'll try to remember to pick some up when I go to Publix tomorrow to do the grocery shopping.

PLEASE check out and enter the giveaway below!
It's to win 1 of 5 copies of a really fun and interesting book!

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December 4, 2009

If I had a nice yard, I would so have one of these.

When Sebastian and I took our nightly walk around the neighborhood last night, we could smell a wood fire burning and coming from up the street, so we walked that way to see where and what it was.
The new people (5 months new people) were sitting outside in their nicely done yard and had 1 of these kinds of outdoor fireplaces going.

It didn't have that dome cover, theirs appeared to be just a mesh screen type cover, I picked the 1 that I posted when I went searching for them online, found that awesome looking celestial cover, and then went to see how much they were.
The price isn't too bad, it's well out of my price range of course, (that is until I win the Powerball baby!!) but I just think that it looks really nice in a nicely done up yard.
If I had a really nice yard, maybe even fenced in, a lanai perhaps, maybe with a swimming pool too, I would totally have an outdoor fireplace or pit.

The people up the street just looked so totally relaxed and happy sitting outside enjoying the fall air and talking to each other around the fire.
A few weeks ago when Mark was spending the night with his friend Jeff, Sebastian and I went and hung out with some friends of mine who have a fire pit.
They got it going really good and it was so nice to just sit there on their wooden swing with the super comfy cushions, and chat by the fireside.
I sat with my friend Jen who is a couple months pregnant, and so swinging felt really good to the both of us.
We both got into a nice rhythm going back and forth, and talking about babies and weddings and stuff while the guys sat and talked sports and video games.
Sebastian was telling the guys all kinds of ways to get stuff in WoW, that game is still totally over my head, I know absolutely nothing about it, so once anyone gets talking about it, I just tune it out completely. haha
Jen and Rusty are getting married in February, so they are starting to plan things out, just a really simple wedding at the beach with a justice of the peace.
I've often thought about becoming an ordained secular humanist clergy-type person so I can marry my atheist friends and stuff.
I'd also be able to do things like baby namings, funerals, commitment ceremonies, affirmation of love ceremonies, invocations, renewal of marriage ceremonies, and holiday ceremonies.
All I would need to do this would be to get a Notary Public license, and then bada-bing bada-boom!
I could marry atheists and other secular individuals, or just couples who don't want the traditional religious ceremony done at their wedding.
I think it would be like a pretty cool little side job to have, and if gays ever get the right to be married in Florida, I could marry them and do those weddings too.
I think it's a pretty cool idea and so did Rusty and Jen, they asked me if I could possibly become a notary by February, so I said that I would look into it.
They don't want the traditional vows done at their wedding, they want to write their own vows, they want a peaceful and friendly ceremony, so I'm looking into it.
Pretty cool huh?
Me, an ordained clergy-type person. Ha ha haha!

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November 15, 2009

New pc and other things.

I haven't done much at all this weekend, actually, in several days.
When my computer died last Monday, I pretty much fell out of everything.
All of my stuff is on that computer, digital pics, documents, all kinds of stuff that I can't get back until I can get it retrieved and transferred to this new pc.
My new pc, thanks to a friend, came on Friday morning, delivered by FedEx at like 10:30am, and since then, I have been getting it set up just right and to my liking.
It wasn't on sale, but Buy.com always has computers at super great prices so my friend bought me an early Christmas gift because she knows that the computer is how I make a living, she knows how important it is to me to have a computer that works and works well.

It's an Acer Veriton, almost exactly like the one I had before, and it came with free shipping like they have on most of their products, and they do like rush shipping even on their free stuff.
She ordered it on Tuesday night, and it was here Friday morning.
That's really awesome customer service.

It came with Windows Vista, which I did not like, no, not at all, it asked me like a gazillion times if I really wanted to do the task that I clicked on.
Um, if I didn't really want to do it, I wouldn't have clicked on it!
I was very happy to see that it came with downgrade discs to go back to WinXp, so after like 4 hours of trying and hating Vista, I downgraded to Winxp.
I had saved all of my bookmarks and usernames/passwords for Firefox to my usb, not all of my work docs, but at least I have all of my sites that I needed.
I have it all set up, it's working great, and I was even able to install my Sims 3 on it and be able to play that for a few hours last night when I just had no motivation to do anything else.

I don't know what it is, I just didn't feel like doing anything at all all weekend.
I still don't, but I have stuff to do so I'm doing it.

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November 10, 2009

Starting to look up.

I am one smart cookie I tell ya!

I was freaking out! Like war seriously freaking out about all of my saved bookmarks and passwords and stuff, and how they were lost and gone until my hard drive files can all be transfered over to a new pc.
I was like almost on the verge of tears about losing all of those bookmarks, i need them all for work and stuff, and that's when i just now remembered my Sims 3 USB drive that I got when I got my game.
About 3 weeks ago, I just said to myself, if something bad ever happens, you will need all of these sites, so back them up.
I exported all of my FF and IE bookmarks, and all of my usernames and passwords, to my desktop, and then saved them all to my Sims 3 USB drive.
I just checked it, and yeuss!
It's all still there!
Woot!
I am sooooo happy about that!
Yay!

My friends are on their way over with the desktop that I can use temporarily until I get a new one, they should be here in about an hour or so, and then I'll be able to be back out at my desk with my setup and working again the way that works best for me instead of this strained sitting position that I'm in now.
The loaner desktop isn't much, it's a small hard drive, but that's ok, I just need to be able to get online with it so I can do work.
Then when I get the new pc, I can get all of my files transferred over to it, and be good to go.
I am very lucky to have such good friends who are willing to help me out like that, loan me a computer because they know this is how I make my living, and to my other friend for actually giving me an early xmas present.
I think I said thank you about 80 times, truly an awesome thing to do for me, I am abundant in the good friend despartment and feel very lucky to have such amazing friends.

I went to my docs this morning, I'll post how that all went later on once the loaner pc is hooked up.
Later days for now1

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November 7, 2009

Starting to come around and other things.

Sorry that my posting has been a bit sporadic, often late at night and not every day, and I also want to apologize for not responding to every single comment like I usually do.
I haven't been able to do that for quite some time now and it really bothers me that I can't.
I really enjoy interacting with my readers, with all of you, and by responding to your comments, it also lets you know that I have read them and am reading your advice, ideas, suggestions, etc.
I appreciate every single comment, so not being able to reply to them all bothers me.
I am also running a bit behind on responding to your direct emails, I promise you that I will get to them, it just may take me awhile as I am answering the most important ones first, some are time sensitive, so yeah, it's taking me a bit to get to all of them.

I am dealing with, or at least trying to, deal with, life issues at home.
Mark is slowly starting to talk to me about how he's doing and feeling regarding the issues with his spine.
Just a week ago, he said that he couldn't talk to me about it.
In that email that he sent to me and his Aunt Jo, he said;

I cant even start to talk to you about how I feel. My mind is so upset I cant even get a grip on it.
Everything Ive wanted is now gone. Im scared. Im mad. I'm confuesed. Giving up seems to be the only thing that seems right to me.
I dont think me or you can handle this. Emotionally or physically we cant. Im sorry if I ever messed up. Or upsetted you.

Over the last few days though, he has started to try and talk to me, started to try and open up about all of this and how he's feeling, and it's hard, hard for him, and even harder for me to hear how he is doing and thinking.
He feels hopeless and scared, angry, confused, and super pissed off at the doctor wanting to wait 15-20 years to do the surgeries that he needs.
Mark knows that the older a person is when having spine fusion surgery, the longer it takes to heal, and the harder it is for the body to heal.
He has a friend Jeff who had lumbar spine fusion last year while they were both still in school, Jeff was only gone from school for 2 months, and then he was right back to being able to do pretty much everything that he did before with very little to no pain.
He also knows that I didn't have spine fusion until I was 36 years old, that I was in the hospital for 18 days and my body still has not healed from that first spine fusion surgery.
He has also seen George, his Big who is 57, who had spine fusion on his lumbar area 1 year ago, and has watched him be in pain every single day, and has had days where he's been unable to walk or even get out of bed.
So he knows this, he has seen it firsthand, he knows what waiting too long will do to the body, it won't heal as fast, and it won't heal as well.
With spine fusion surgery, the younger a person is, the better it all goes right from the surgery itself all the way to healing.
Mark went with me to some of my appointments with my surgeon, he heard the questions and answers my surgeon had, like why wasn't something done when I was younger, if it had been done, my spine wouldn't be the mess that it was.
He also heard him say that he has younger patients, teenagers, whose surgeries only took 4-5 hours in the operating room and they were out of the hospital in 4-5 days, not weeks like George and I were.
So Mark is very naturally upset about being told they would not be doing his surgeries for so long, he's furious about it actually.
He told me that he is in pain every single day, his medicine makes him feel terrible inside, it upsets his stomach and makes him very agitated.
The smallest things are upsetting him because of the Tramadol, it's really a horrible drug, it causes stomach upset, makes food taste bad, and it messes with your head very badly.
We did tell the doctor this but he said that he won't be changing it, that it works well for the majority of his patients, so he won't be changing it.
What about the minority of his patients that it's not working so well for?
Do they just have to suffer because the majority tolerates the horrible side effects?
Apparently so.

We've also been talking about his career, well, trying to talk about it.
He keeps telling me that all he has ever wanted to be since he was just a very small kid, is a cop, so being told that he can't, knowing that he won't be able to pass the physical exam or do any of the physical training at the police academy due to pain and physical limitations, has him extremely upset.
I tried talking to him about other law enforcement careers, things that he could do that wouldn't require strenuous physical activity or a hard physical training course and exam, but he just doesn't want to hear it right now, it's NOT what he wanted, he wanted to be a cop, not a CSI, not a dispatcher, not an investigator or clerk, he wants to be a cop, period, so talking about anything else, no, he absolutely does NOT want to hear it.

I am going to back off talking to him about it for awhile, I am going to just give him some more time to think about things and try to deal with them on his own time, he needs more time to try and come to grips with all of this.
It's hard, he's 18, the last few years all he's done is think and plan out his police officer goals, what he needed to do to get there, college, criminal law classes at college, apply at the police academy, get references for it so it would look good on his application to have letters of reference saying what a good and upstanding young man he is, to get a police background check and attach his perfect and clean record to his application, all of the things that he would need to do to apply and be accepted, he had it all planned out and in a notebook, he was checking each step off as he went, and now in that notebook, there's a giant question mark with about a gazillion circles scribbled around it in pen.
This all just makes me so sad and angry.
Angry at the doctor, angry at Medicaid, just really angry and more determined to fight for him to get the surgeries that he needs so that he can do something in law enforcement, maybe even still be a cop, but that will only happen if he can get the surgery now, not in 15-20 years, but now, then heal up, get some exercise and physical training in at a gym, build up his strength and stamina and then apply like he wanted to, prove to them that he can physically do the job.
It's what he wants and I am going to try like mad to help him get it.

---

November 5, 2009

Helping to find a cheap but good canister.

My friend Nic has her own house cleaning business, and she has 2 clients per day, she used to have more than that but the economy has caused people to cut back on services like housekeepers, and they are doing it themselves now.
Due to losing a few clients and because she only uses her own equipment to clean people's houses, so if a vacuum cleaner breaks for instance, it's her own, and not a $500 Dyson that the homeowner owns, she tends to go through vacuums rather quickly.
Running a vac in your own home once a day every day is a lot of wear and tear, so having to run a vac in 2 houses per day 5 days per week, is just asking for the vac to break with the first year/year and a half.
Nic prefers to use canister vacs, they are easier for her to maneuver around people's homes, the longer handled neck makes it easier to get under low tables and furniture, and she's now needing a new canister vac, she said it's on it's last leg, almost 2 years old, and it's starting to have some issues, so it's time to find a new but cheap canister vac.
She doesn't have much time to go shopping in regular stores, and her internet isn't hooked up at her new apartment yet, so she asked me if I could try to find her a new one, preferably one that is on sale, and stay as far under $100 as is possible.

So I am looking on Buy.com for her today, and I found 3 name brand canister vacs all under $100, and 2 of them with free shipping too.
I found a Bissell for just $59.80 with free shipping, a Panasonic for $84.63 including the shipping charges, and an Electrolux for $77.59 with free shipping.

I've used both Bissell and Electrolux vacs before and really liked them, never tried a Panasonic vacuum before so I have no clue how that one would work at all.
Because she goes through them so quickly, needs to spend as little money as possible, and the lower the price the better she said, I am going to have to pick the Bissell.
That's just my opinion though, I have bookmarked all 3 of them for her so when she stops by after work today I can show them all to her and she can then order the ones that she wants.

I am kinda jealous of her getting to run her own business, I used to have my own house cleaning biz when I still lived in Maine, and I loved it.
I really miss being able to work so physically hard like that, and feeling a great sense of accomplishment at the end of the day.
Right now I'd be totally happy if I could get all of my dishes done.
I had been cleaning my house all morning, but I sat down to take a break and now I don't want to get back up and finish. ha ha

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October 16, 2009

North Port, here I come.

In about an hour, I am heading all the way down to the city of North Port because one single pharmacy in this state has my medication in stock.
The generic version of the pain medication that is no longer being made because of the Purdue lawsuit I blogged about yesterday.
So at some point later today, my pain will be somewhat under control, I won't have to stay curled up in a ball like sitting in an egg chair anymore.
It really is amazing what removing just one medication from my usual medication regiment does to me.
The other 2 medicines just are not controlling the pain the way that all 3 of them combined do, it's really astounding me.
And it looks like rain, so that may be an indicator of why I am in so much pain without it, the rain bothers me anyway, but without that 3rd med, it's unreal how swollen my ankles and knees are, they look like I have balloons buried under the skin.
Two of my friends are giving me a ride to North Port.
I can't believe that they are the only pharmacy that has them, it's crazy.
I have called over 60 pharmacies since Tuesday, and finally found one this morning that has them.

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October 11, 2009

Kindasorda back.

I am still battling the tail end of the flu or whatever it was that hit me last week and made me feel like crap.
I feel better now, not perfect, but at least now I can stand up without feeling nauseous and dizzy.
The past few days have just been hellish on me, the smell of what the teens were eating made me gag, finding lizard heads on the floor made me gag, cat gack on the floor made me gag, I think you get the picture, everything just made me feel like hell.

Mark has been over at his friend's house since yesterday, and he's staying there again tonight.
I really don't mind, it's nice and quiet, there's no one fighting over any video games on the pc or the Xbox 360.
As a matter of fact, the teens are chatting with each other on WoW.
It's been nice and quiet all night yesterday, and all day today, and it will be quiet all night again.
That's just what I needed, peace and quiet so that I could rest.
I need to pick up some more acne skin care stuff for the teens (both of their faces are broken out again because they ran out) when I go shopping on Thursday, or maybe after I'm done at the doc's office on Tuesday while I wait for the pharmacist to fill my prescriptions, I could just buy some there.

I have pretty much spent all of my time on the couch or my bed, but once I was good enough to sit up, I sat and watched the trailers for new movies that are coming out.
I watched the trailer for The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day.
Boondock Saints is one of my all time fave movies, and part 2 has the original cast which I'm happy about, it would suck if they changed actors in it.
It looks ok, I'd like to see it but no clue when or if I could go to the movies to see it, not sure how rough the chairs would be on me because I'd have to practically lay back in order to see the screen.

I am not a fan of remade films, there has been far too many of them the last few years, and now Hollywood has remade A Nightmare on Elm Street.
Sorry, but it's just not going to be the same without Robert Englund, he is Freddie in my opinion.
They are calling it "a contemporary re-imagining of the horror classic."
I dunno, I just don't know about this guy that is playing Freddie this time around.
Jackie Earle Harley is playing Freddie in this "re-imagining" of the story.
He played Rorschach in The Watchmen, he did a good job, but I just don't see him as Freddie, not even while watching the trailer, he just doesn't look like Freddie.
Maybe they got a sucky make-up artist.
*sigh*
I'll be back, off and on when I feel even better.
I think I'm gonna go read updated blogs now.
Later days.

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October 2, 2009

It's the 8th Annual Blogger Boobiethon!

It's that time of year again folks!
It's time for the 8th Annual Blogger Boobiethon!

In the past 7 years, we (bloggers from everywhere!) have raised over $50,000 for breast cancer research.
You can learn all about this event and it's history here, but basically, bloggers from all over the world and internet, join together to raise money for breast cancer research by getting people to donate to the Susan G. Komen for the Cure charity which helps to fund research for a breast cancer cure.

We also raise money to help a fellow blogger in need, bloggers helping bloggers.
Please read that page to learn all about this part of the boobiethon, it's been something that we've done every year since the whole start of this, and is actually the entire reason that the boobiethon exists.

Last year I was the recipient of this part of the boobiethon after my spine fusion in September 2008, and I am still, and always will be, eternally grateful for all of the help, donations, encouragement, and support my fellow bloggers, readers, and supporters of the boobiethon, gave to me during that time and continue to give to me.
This year's recipient of the bloggers helping bloggers portion is Joan, aka, DaGoddess.

Donating to the boobiethon is really very, very easy.
Simply click the button up above or this link right here, and choose who you want to give money to, Komen or Joan, akaDaGoddess, and then follow the super simple instructions on that page so that the organizers of the boobiethon can add your donation to the total, and send you a confirmation email thanking you for your support.

This is now the 2nd year since the thon started that I have not been able to volunteer my time doing photo editing for health reasons.
Last year I had just had spine fusion surgery, and this year I am still dealing with some of the problems that are the result of that surgery, and my recent life-changing experience of discovering my bio-siblings and getting to meet them on the Today show in New York.
I feel terrible that I am unable to donate my time, it's something that I absolutely love doing every year, but because I can't volunteer my time, I am going to make sure that I post about the thon at least once every day until it ends, post updates about it on my Twitter stream, post on forums, and wherever else I can post about it to help spread the word and raise money for the cure.

Breast cancer effects all of us in some way at least once in our lives.
I know friends who have fought the battle with it, some won, some lost, I have had scares in my own family, and currently I have a friend whose Grandmother is losing the battle.
We need to find the cure.
Together we can help find that cure by raising money to fund research so that someday everyone who gets breast cancer can win the battle.

The 8th Annual Blogger Boobiethon began at midnight on October 1st and will run until midnight on October 7th.
In 2008, we raised $9,300.00.
So far on just this 2nd day of the boobiethon, (as of the time of this post) we have raised $2,705.00.
Let's beat last year's total!!
Donate, send in your picture, (mine will be sent in soon!) blog about it, tweet about it, put a button on your blog, do one thing from that list, (do several from that list!) and help us raise more money than we did last year!!

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September 15, 2009

Major update.

Let's begin at Thursday the 10th and taking Mark to the orthopedist.
This is going to be a long one, sorry, a lot has gone on here since Thursday.

When Thursday came around, I started to feel like total crap, I felt lightheaded and nauseous, I was basically feeling like I just got hit by a bus and I had to take Mark to his doctor appointment with the ortho.
Mark's Big, George, took us there and to the pharmacy after, and then home again.
The doctor took about 8 xrays of Mark's spine from all different angles and views, and then he sat down with us to tell us the news.
Mark does not have scoliosis, but he does have problems with his spine, it's genetic, what he has, all of his problems are genetic.
Mark has Spondylolysis and Spondylolysthesis.

The spine is made up of a series of connected bones called "vertebrae." In about 5% of the adult population, there is a developmental crack in one of the vertebrae, usually at the point at which the lower (lumbar) part of the spine joins the tailbone (sacrum). It may develop as a stress fracture. Because of the constant forces the low back experiences, this fracture does not usually heal as normal bone. This type of fracture (called a spondylolysis) is simply a crack in part of the vertebra and may cause no problem at all. However, sometimes the cracked vertebra does slip forward over the vertebra below it. This is known as adult isthmic spondylolisthesis.

What are the symptoms?
Isthmic spondylolisthesis may not cause any symptoms for years (if ever) after the slippage has occurred. If you do have symptoms, they may include low back and buttocks pain; numbness, tingling, pain, muscle tightness or weakness in the leg (sciatica); increased sway back; or a limp. These symptoms are usually aggravated by standing, walking and other activities, while rest will provide temporary relief.

So Mark has that, his L5 and S1 vertebrae are pointing down and in toward his stomach, and they will continue to "fall down" if steps are not taken to try and straighten them out.
He also has arthritis, this too is genetic, so the arthritis combined with Spondylolysis and Spondylolysthesis, is what is causing Mark so much pain in his lower back.
The ortho doc is trying to get Medicaid to approve a couple of MRIs to fully see how bad the Spondylolysis is, and from there, he will be able to determine how to treat this.
He did say that Mark is way too young in his opinion for spine fusion, but if L5 and S1 continue to fall even after a series of physical therapy, maybe a back brace, that spine fusion would be needed to fix this.

Spondylolysis and Spondylolysthesis, is nicknamed "swayback", your back sways "in" which causes you to lean forward and hunch over.
This is something I have always been yelling at Mark about while he plays video games on the pc or the xbox, "stop hunching over! sit up straight!" and he'd always tell me that sitting up straight hurt, that leaning forward felt better, and I know that it does, I know leaning forward feels better because I too have "swayback", my spine not only curved side to side from the scoliosis, it also curved inward at the L3 to S1 vertebrae, so that's one of the many reasons that my surgeon had to fuse me so far down, all the way down.

To help you see what I'm talking about in regards to which vertebrae are affected in both myself and Mark, you can click on this chart and see those affected areas.
There are 4 sections of the spine, and each section is then broken down to individual vertebrae.
There's the Cervical spine, C1 - C7, the Thoracic, T1 - T12, the Lumbar, L1 - L5, and then the Sacrum, S1, and the coccyx which is also known as the tailbone.
I have been fused from C1 all the way down to S1, the very top to the very bottom, and S1, or the sacrum, and the coccyx, are actually connected, so when I was fused, it really was from the very top of my spine to the very bottom of my spine, stem to stern as one doctor said.
Mark is affected at the L5 and S1 areas.
His sacrum (S1) and L5, are pointing down and in instead of up and straight like you see on the chart.
I didn't have my camera with me on Thursday, and I don't think the ortho would have liked me taking a picture of the xrays anyway as Mark is a brand new patient of his, we don't have an ongoing relationship with this doctor like I do with my surgeon.
I have been with my surgeon since November 2005, and because I've been with him so long, he doesn't mind me taking pictures of my xrays and stuff when he puts them up on the lightboards.
But because I didn't take my camera with me, I couldn't take a picture of Mark's xrays, but this is a pretty accurate image of Mark's "spondy" or "swayback" as it is nicknamed by different doctors.
My surgeon calls it swayback, Mark's ortho called it spondy.

The third image (left to right) is exactly how Mark's spine looks, it is down and in exactly like this drawing.
Along with the spondy, Mark has arthritis in his spine as I said above, and he also has stenosis and some nerve impingement as well.
The ortho did a few strength tests on both of Mark's arms and legs, and he is definitely weaker on his left side, and he does not have as much lower body strength as he does in his upper body.
His upper body is very strong while his lower body and his legs, are very weak, and his left leg is much weaker than his right.
The ortho also noted the nerve damage by pinching gently on his fingernails and toenails.
If you take your index finger and thumb of one hand, and use them to pinch down on the fingernail of your other hand's index finger, you see how long it takes for the color to come back in the skin under the nail.
Pinching the nails makes the skin underneath turn white, un-pinching them allows the blood flow to come back, and the longer it takes tells the doctor if there is nerve damage or pinched nerves in the hands and feet and how severe it is.
The fingernails on both of Mark's hands were ok, a little damage on his left, but both of his feet, especially his left, took a bit of time, so this told the doc that there is definitely some nerve impingement on his left side.
Once medicaid approves the MRIs, the doc will be better able to see just how much nerve damage and stenosis he has, and he will also be better able to see the "spondy" and how bad it is.
Once he sees that, he will then figure out a plan of action for Mark which will probably be a combination of bracing and some really tough physical therapy to strengthen his core muscles and use the physical therapy to try and pull the spondy out of the falling down pattern.
The physical therapy will improve his strength and flexibility in his core, as well as teach him how to properly move his body so he does not damage his lower spine any further.
Moving your body the wrong way can cause the spondy to fall even more and cause much more pain.
His ortho gave him Tramadol and Mobic (NSAID) for the pain he is currently having, and he was told to rest as much as possible.
Trying to make an 18 year old lay down on his bed or the couch for a few hours while alternating between heat and ice to reduce the inflammation and reduce pain, is like trying to teach a mosquito to not suck your blood.
Basically, he's not doing it as long as he should, I can only get him to lay perfectly still for about 1 hour. I do 30 minutes of heat, and then 30 minutes of cold, and that's it, he can't stand it anymore.
Now we are just waiting for the ortho to call us and tell us when to come in for the MRIs if and when medicaid approves them.
That was Mark's update, sorry it took me so long Mom and Dad, I know you've been waiting for this news.

Continue Reading �

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August 16, 2009

A long and trying day.

Today was Mark's 18th birthday and I hadn't slept on Friday night, insomnia, again, so I was up and doing things in the very early morning hours.
Just doing some general clean up of the house, trying to get myself organized and ready for the day.
The teens had plans for dinner for Mark's birthday, so Mark insisted that we go grocery shopping before they leave for dinner so that I didn't have to carry, lift, and put it all away on my own, so I called and asked Mindy if she could help me out with a ride, she said yes, (thank you! Again!) and off Mark, Mindy and I went to do the shopping.
Sebastian decided to stay here this time (he usually does the shopping with me) and wait for my friend Jon to call/show up with their fixed computer.

Did I post about what happened to their computer?
It's one of the reasons we canceled/postponed our trip to Maine.
For several weeks, both of the teens had been complaining about some major lag when playing WoW, and even some lag when using the internet.
I did all the cleaning, deleting of stupid crap files, defragging, etc etc, and yet it still lagged.
I asked on the local forums what people thought could be causing the issue, and Jon replied that it was probably a blown video card, and if I wanted, he could get a brand new one, better than the one I had put in there a year ago, for way cheap and he'd install it for a wicked good and low price.
It was parts, labor, and a long drive from Orlando to Sarasota for less than the cost of the new video card had I gone and bought it myself.
I price checked video cards after his initial post on the forums about it being a blown card, and the same one he put in for me brand new, was priced at $199 and up at all of the tech stores in our area, so yeah, I got a helluva deal on the card and someone installing it for me.
He came here last Saturday, worked on it a bit, and then said he needed to take it home to fix it really good, so I said cool, he took it home, did the work, and brought it back early this evening.

When he got here, he must have wondered what was up, I looked a total mess.
I was sweating from running the vac on the rugs, doing some dishes, cooking Mark's hot wings for his birthday fave food like I do every year, and crying.
The birthday dinner plans that were made fell through.
Mark was upset but said he half expected it to happen, and Sebastian kind of lost it, so there was a lot of shouting, crying, and a lot of talking about all of the events of the last month.
It was not a good scene here, and then Jon knocked on the door while I was cleaning to try and de-stress myself while I bawled my eyes out some more.
I cannot fix what has happened, I can't make it better, and so I had to let the teens say what they needed to say, let their stress out, and Mark said something that made me feel better but horribly sad at the same time.
I'm not going to post it here, I'm just done trying to make it right when no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I show, it will never be enough, nothing will ever be the right thing or be good enough.
Every family has a black sheep, and I'm wearing the name tag.

After the computer was all hooked up and the teens were calmed down and ok, I finished making what I consider to be the best batch of super hot wings I think I've ever made for him.
1 bag of wing parts, 1 cookie sheet, 3 coats of cayenne pepper, twice baked, and then soaked in a 12 ounce bottle of the hottest sauce he picked out at the store today.
The wings were cooked so perfectly and the meat was falling off the bones, and Mark said it was the most awesome blend of hot and sweet I had ever cooked for him.
I got a thumbs up as he ate his wings and then went back for a bigger serving of seconds.
He eats his wings straight up, no ranch or blue cheese dipping sauce, just more hot sauce if he thinks he needs it, but this time he didn't add more sauce, he said they rocked as they were.
When he finished eating and I was cleaning up and putting the small amount of leftovers away, he gave me a hug and thanked me for the wings and for being a good mom to him all of these years even through some mistakes that I've made here and there along the way.
I know that it's gonna be ok around here.

After everything else was done and I finally sat down to chill out for the night, I realized that the furnace filters, I mean AC filter, was dirty again. It was so hot in here, you would have thought that I did have a furnace on with the heat cranked up to 99!
I know it was partly hot because I baked the wings in the regular oven, but as soon as the AC filter gets dirty, it stops pumping the cold air out as strong, and you notice the difference almost immediately, so I cleaned it out and it cooled off in here fairly quick.
I need to measure the washable filter that it comes with, and then I want to try and find a slightly thicker HEPA filter to put in it.
This house is so dusty, even more so with the sidewalk construction going on, that the filter gets wicked dirty wicked fast, and so I think getting a thicker, better filter might help cut down on the dusting issue a little bit.
I have to dust off the tv, tv stand, and coffee tables just about every other day, and I have to dust everything about every 4 days, that's how bad the dust gets in here.
Crazy dusty! ha ha

I just saw the clock.
It's finally not Saturday anymore.
Here's to hoping that Sunday is a better day for all of us ok?
I mean it, even if your day was rockin', I hope that today is even better.

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July 24, 2009

New shower head installed!

I told you about Mark breaking the hand-held shower head last week, right?
Well, I didn't have the money to replace it right away so I had to put the old low-flow shower head back on, it sucks, but at least we could still take showers.
Today Mindy called me up and said that she found a hand-held shower head at Wal-mart for a good price, so she and her husband Chris picked it up for me.
Then after they dropped off their son Jeff at work tonight, they came over and Chris installed it for me.
It's not a Moen faucets shower head, but it's a damn good one with like 4 different spray settings.

I need a hand-held shower head because of my head being stuck the way it is, I have to take it down and use the hand-held to rinse my hair and the rest of my body off, so I totally thank them for picking it up for me, and when i get the money to pay them back which should be this week, I will pay for it.
I do totally appreciate them picking it up though, that old low-flow was totally sucky trying to take a shower with.

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June 21, 2009

For the Puppy Monster.

We remember.

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June 18, 2009

Can't stop sleeping awake.

Another night of insomnia just passed, the sun is coming up, another blinding sunny and hot day.
A perfect day to stay inside and try to get some rest later on.
Just take a small nap, I should probably try for more than a few hours, but then I won't be able to try and sleep tonight.

But it was a good thing I was wide awake again, my friend Dustin called around 2am, his friend had called him, a bit too inebriated to drive home, so Dustin took a cab over to the bar to pick him and his car up because his friend didn't want to leave his car in the bar parking lot all night, and then Dustin was gonna drive home and bring his friend his car in the morning.
Problem!
The car is a 2007 Nissan Altima, it has that whole push button key fob power start stuff, so when Dustin drove his friend home and dropped him off, his friend took the key fob in the house.
The car will run without the key in the ignition, but the key fob/key has to be within 6 feet of the car or else it drops to idle and you end up only being able to drive a bit further before it stops.

Yup, you guessed it!
When he dropped his friend off at home, his friend had the key fob/key in his pocket, so Dustin was only able to drive about 2.5 miles before the car dropped to idle and he needed a place to go quickly.
His friend lives over here near us, so Dustin called and apologized like crazy for waking me if he did, but he knows I don't sleep hardly ever, so I told him if he can get the car here to come here, I'd turn the porch light on.
He was able to make it here, so I let him crash on the couch for the night, but we stayed up just talking about life and stuff all night.
He called his friend before he went to sleep and told him what was going on and that his friend would need to get here in the morning, and he did.
He must live super close by, because he called Dustin around 6:15, said he was on the way, and just 10 minutes later he was here, and he had walked.
Sebastian was awake all night with us, Mark had gone to sleep around 10pm or so, he said he was just really tired after that whole thunderstorm fright we had last night.

Around 5am, I made some cinnamon rolls for all of us in the NuWave Oven, it was my first time making them in it, but they came out perfect because I figured out how to cook them exactly the right way.
You use your two 8-inch round cake pans, spray some Pam onto both so the rolls don't stick, and in one of the pans, place all of the rolls top side down.
You know it's top side because they put all of the extra cinnamon on the top side.
Place the cake pan in the middle on top of your 4-inch rack, and put the power head dome on.
Press the cooking power button once for high power, (350 degrees), then press the cooking time button, then the # 4, then press start.
When the 4 minutes has ended, remove the dome, and then take your other 8-inch cake pan that you got ready, and place it open side on top, and then flip the pans over dumping the rolls from the bottom pan to the top pan, and now the tops of the cinnamon rolls are right side up.
Place this pan in the middle of the 4-inch cooking rack, put the power head dome on, press cooking power once for high power, then cooking time once, then the #4, and press start.

They came out soooo good!
They actually came out better than they normally do in the regular oven.
Dustin was really surprised just how well it cooks and now bakes, he's more amazed with it every time he sees it or tastes the food I cook with it.
A few of the times he's come over to just say hello, I've just gotten done making something, and I always offer my guests some of what we have, and he loves my cooking, and the NuWave is seriously making me an even better cook, and now I'm learning to bake in it.
I will have to check the recipe books to see if we can make brownies in it.

Ok, I am going to try and lay down, get a short nap in today, no longer than 3 hours.
Anything longer than that if I fall asleep, and I won't be able to fall asleep again for another full sleep cycle.
later days!

Continue Reading �

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May 25, 2009

A new leaf for single moms.

The fabulous Alaina of Ms. Single Mama, has worked with a jewelry designer on Etsy to create a gorgeous necklace for all the single mamas out there, to wear and not feel so alone.
The artist is Tres Joli, and they have done an incredible job on this beautiful piece of jewelry.

Quoting Alaina about the necklace;

"This necklace represents the growth, passion, love and strength every single mother carries for herself and her children.

Inspired by my readers and their input I worked with an Etsy designer to create this custom necklace. The larger leaf represents the single mother - finding herself again, the open leaf is ready for a new beginning. The second smaller leaf represents her child or children."

Currently, there are only 100 of these necklaces available, so if you want one, you need to go to Ms. Single Mamas site, and click on the paypal button to place your order and get more information.

I know she won't mind me showing it off, so here it is, our new necklace.

It is absolutely beautiful and I cannot wait to wear mine and take it with me while I'm in the hospital.
It will be a beautiful reminder that I am not alone, which has been one of the fears that I have been dealing with the last few weeks.
Thank you Alaina for the beautiful design, and for everything else too. *wink*

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May 22, 2009

Insomnia! Leave me hangin' on all ni-ight! oh-oh-oh, damn insomniaaaa!!!

So uh, yeah, I've been up all night with insomnia again.
I did finally get some sleep yesterday afternoon, I was able to sleep for about 3 hours, and then I just woke up, and was totally ready to go again.
It's now a little after 4pm, and while I'm tired, I cannot sleep.

I had so many things that I wanted to do today, I have all this work that I wanted to do, I wanted to get it all done, but did I do it?
No-o-o-o!
I spent like the entire day just answering emails.
The whole day, answering emails.
That is not what I wanted to do today, but that's what I did.
I kept saying to myself,
"Self, as soon as you get done with this email, you need to get crackin' on all of that work that you need to get done or it's never going to get done."

And I would even answer myself,
"Self, I KNOW that I have work to do, but these emails, these are important, they must be answered. These people took their time to email me, the least I can do is take the time to email them back. As soon as I get done with this one, I will get started on the work that I need to do."

But then as soon as I replied to that email, I got another one that my insomnia deep-fried brain told me was just as equally important as the previous 7 emails.
So no, I did not get a single thing done today that I meant to do.
But I do feel like I accomplished a lot though.
It usually takes me like 2-3 days to answer emails, and I did them all today, so that in itself is a huge accomplishment.

All of the stuff that I needed and wanted to get done today is all work I can do on my computer, which is a good thing because my arthritis is flared up today big time.
My right knee is HUGE, it's all swollen and sore from the arthritis, I have been limping around all day long every single time that I needed to get up and pee or get a drink.
Owie wowie, painful.

I am really hoping that I will still be able to get at least some of what I want to get done, done, but I don't know for sure if I will be able to.
Dustin and Stacey are supposed to come over tonight for dinner and a movie, and then when they leave, whatever time that ends up being, I hope that I'm going to be somewhat coherent enough to get some work done.
I have a couple of product reviews that I need to write up, not telling you what they are for yet, you'll have to come back to find out, but I can tell you that none of them will be weight loss pill reviews because I haven't been allowed to take any weight loss pills since the beginning of September.

Ok, I need to get off of here for just a little bit.
I need to pee again, (damn blood pressure meds make me pee like a racehorse on lasix), get another drink, (that could be contributing to the pee thing too, hrm....) and call Dustin to find out what time they are coming and ask about what they want to eat for dinner, and also fold the last load of laundry in the dryer.

Ok, really gotta go now.
Later days!

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May 13, 2009

Stopped by the memories.

I am still going through all of the pictures of the teens to have scrapbooks made for them by Christine, but I keep getting stopped by the memories the pictures bring up.
I keep finding all of these super cute pictures of the teens when they were little, things they did like pretending a laundry basket is a submarine, or eating a slice of pizza that was bigger than their head.
I have found about 20 pictures so far that I want to use, but in what order, what captions, what things should be on the pages with those pictures?

I know that Christine will do an amazing job, she is so very talented when it comes to scrapbooking, she's even had some custom rubber stamps made up of her kitty Squeaker, and has been featured in Scrap and Stamp Arts magazine, so I know that once I pick all of the perfect pictures, that the scrapbooks will be done beautifully.

I just really need to get my butt in gear and pick the pictures so that she can get started on them.
I need to stop sitting there remembering the moment, getting all emotional, and crying that my babies have all grown up now.

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May 11, 2009

Single and happy.

I've been wanting to write about this particular subject for some time now, but things in my life just kept coming up, and so posting it would have just felt like the wrong time.
It still does feel like the wrong time, but enough procrastination.

I'm part of this huge community of bloggers, all bloggers, and then we get broken down into groupings, and my particular grouping is the single mom bloggers.
But I don't seem to really fit with most of them either.
Almost every single mom blogger I know is either currently dating, looking for a date, dating multiple people, using online dating services, living with a boyfriend, looking for a boyfriend, just looking for mr. right.
And I'm not.
I'm not dating or looking for anyone to date.
I haven't been looking for that for a very long time, and guess what?
I'm happy.
I'm happy being by myself, I don't feel like I need someone to complete me, to fix my broken and single life.
I don't need any diamond rings, I don't need a piece of paper, I'm really quite happy being single.

I've been raising my sons on my own for 15+ years now, and we're all doing ok.
We've had our share of hard times and bad times, the teens have wanted me to be with someone so that I could be happy, but I always have told them that I am happy.
I enjoy being single, I can come and go as I please, I sleep on whatever side of the bed I want, I don't worry about having to please someone else, I don't worry about breaking up or doing something that would cause someone to break up with me, I am just truly happy being single.

There are other people out there who are happy being single too, not feeling like we need to be partnered up like society tells us that we need to, and there's a website that's just for those happy single people, Single Edition.
It's not a dating website, it's just a site for happy singles.
There's articles on travel and leisure for singles, expert advice, tech and gadgets, shopping, money and careers, and single living.
It's a really good site set up for truly happy singles.
There's life beyond dating, living life on your own terms, you are not defined by whether or not you have a partner, you are defined by who you are, as an individual.

Who said that we have to be with someone?
Who decided that we have to be a couple, that the only way to true happiness is by being partnered up with someone else?
You can have a truly happy and meaningful life being single and living life on your own terms.

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May 7, 2009

Happy anniversary George and Amy!

Their anniversary was yesterday, May 6th, but Mark didn't remind me until this afternoon, so we called George and Amy to wish them a happy 4th anniversary.
I can't believe it's been 4 years already, wow, I remember the wedding like it was just yesterday.

For those of you who may be new to my blog, George is Mark's "Big", as in Big Brother.
Mark and George have been together since he was 8 years old, so 9 years now, and it's a perfect match still.
When we signed up to get him a Big, Mark was very specific, he wanted either a cop or a lawyer, but if one of those wasn't available, he wanted someone who had something to do with law, a judge, a bailiff, a courtroom worker, a prison officer, whatever, as long as they did something with the law.
What's really cool about their match is the day after we signed Mark up, George signed up to be a Big.
We didn't know him, so we had nothing to do with him signing up, it just worked out perfectly that he did.
When the Big caseworker who signed up George and ran the background checks on him told him that just the day before, an 8 year old boy had specifically asked for a cop, George said that becoming a Big was something he had been thinking about for a long time, but on the morning that he chose to go down and sign up, he said he had this overwhelming feeling to go do it that day, to not postpone it again, so he went.
George was a detective in Washington DC for 25 years.
He's seen a lot, done a lot, and been a huge and truly positive influence in Mark's life.
Mark and George have been best of friends since the very first day they met right here in our living room.
Mark was so excited to have him in his life, he took him around the house and showed him every room, all his favorite toys, and introduced him to the cats.
George is highly allergic to cats, but he pet them all anyway, and whenever he comes over, I lock all of the cats in my room and I vac the rugs twice before he gets here, and I take all of the furniture covers off the leather couches so there is no cat hair anywhere so that he can breathe a little easier while he's in here.
George has also helped Mark figure out all of the steps he needs to take to become a cop himself, so that's been very helpful to all of us.
I didn't even know where to begin to help Mark figure out what to do to fulfill his dream.

Anyway, it's their anniversary, and they were planning on taking another trip, they like going on cruises, but George had spine fusion almost 5 months ago, and he's still not feeling quite up to doing too much physical activity.
I talked to him a little bit on the phone this afternoon before I handed the phone to Mark, and that's what we talked about.
He said he doesn't know how I do it, he was only fused in 2 vertebrae, and here I am fused the entire lentgh of my spine and having another one next month to try and correct my head placement.
He asked me how I am in the morning because he is so stiff when he first gets out of bed, he said it takes him about an hour before he can really do anything.
I said to him, "Yeah, I know, that first hour is so stiff and painful, I get up, walk all hunched over to the bathroom, go pee, get a drink, and sit down in my chair to take all my meds, and then wait an hour before I can do anything else physical."
He said that's exactly what he does too, and that he's having some trouble going for walks, his left leg starts to tingle like pins and needles, after about 15 minutes or so.
That will eventually go away, I told him, but it could take up to a year for it to completely stop with the numbness and needles feeling.
I've been sliced over twice now, so I still get pins and needles and the numbness a lot, and I'm sure I'll get it even more after the next surgery.
I told him that the older the patient, the longer it takes to heal up, too, that young patients, like under the age of 35, heal up almost completely 100% in about 8 months, whereas us old folks, can take a full year or longer depending on how big the fusion is.

So anyway, instead of taking a cruise, they are just going to do a small romantic weekend somewhere here in Florida, next weekend.
He has an art project he needs to finish for a client, (he's an artist) and Amy has to complete something she's working on too.
I hope that whatever it is that they do, that they have a good time, they deserve it.
They are such wonderful people and I am so glad that George is in Mark's life.
He's really made a difference, and the Big program is a great thing, it really makes a difference in kids lives, so if you've ever wanted to do some sort of volunteering dealing with kids, wanted to help and make a positive difference for a kid, check out the BBS, you could do something really amazing for a kid by just being their friend and mentor.

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May 6, 2009

Nothing is wrong with the laptop.

Last night when Dustin and Stacey were here, they brought over a laptop much like this HP Presario that is currently on sale at like a huge savings.

Anyway, they brought it over because a friend had loaned it to them for a few days, and Stacey thought she screwed it up because no matter what site she went to, these "weird pop-ups" were appearing.
They asked me to take a look at it and fix it so their friend wouldn't get mad at them.

So I opened it up and connected it to my wireless network, and then hopped on the internet.
Immediately there were pop-ups, but they weren't of the malicious kind at all, it was Norton internet security popping up every few minutes to tell you to be careful downloading things from the sites that Stacey was going to.
Sites like Myspace, Facebook, etc.
I admit, it was totally annoying dealing with those pop-ups, but it wasn't the bad kind of pop-up, so I told Stacey she didn't do anything wrong, it's just the laptops security program trying to warn you about stuff.
Personally, I hate Norton because it's a major resource hog, and because of the annoying pop-ups.

But the laptop itself was extremely nice and I am pretty sure it was like that HP Presario.
It was heavy though, like really heavy.
I had it on my lap and I was like wow, this thing is heavy, and Dustin laughed and asked if all laptops were like that.
I told him no, most aren't, but this one is because of how much stuff it has in it.
It had all the bells and whistles you could possibly want in a laptop, dvd player, cd burner, the works.
I wanted to keep playing with it, it was super nice, but they had to go home and then take it back to the owner today.
I'd love to get a laptop someday just so I can do stuff from the couch when I'm having a rough day or not feeling all that great, I'd still be able to get stuff done ya know?
I don't know if I'd want one that heavy, but I'd want it to have a lot of memory and a cd burner, dvd player, all of the good stuff so I could also watch movies and play games and stuff.

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May 5, 2009

Friends helping friends.

Both the teens stayed home from school today, not sure if it was that they caught what I had, or if it was the chicken at school yesterday.
Both the teens came home and said they weren't feeling that great, and that the chicken at lunch tasted more like fish than chicken, and it smelled like fish too.
Chicken should never taste or smell like fish, ever.
They both had bad stomach upset this morning, so I let them stay home.

Last night we had some company for awhile too.
Stacey and Dustin came over for awhile, and Dustin and the teens went and ran a few errands to the pharmacy, Publix, Dustin's grandmother's house, and his house, to pick up a few things for Stacey.
Stacey had surgery last week, and so while the guys were gone, I helped Stacey take a shower, her first shower since the surgery, and so I know how awesome that first shower is, it's like pure bliss.
Another friend of hers was supposed to be helping her the last few days, but flaked on her, so Dustin brought her to me because I know what it's like to need help and not want some total stranger helping with personal needs like a shower.

Then we all hung out for a few more hours before they needed to head back to Dustin's grandmother and take care of her for the rest of the night.
She was in the hospital over the weekend, so Dustin needed to be there to help her too.
Dustin is such a good guy, he helps so many people, he takes them to the docs, to stores, whatever he can, I'm really glad I met him and he and Stacey have become good friends to me.

They let us borrow a movie for the night too, it wasn't half bad.
We watched The Uninvited, the story of a girl named Anna who gets released from a mental hospital after the death of her mother.
It has a couple of twist endings, and it's a remake of an Asian horror flick called a Tale of Two Sisters.
Like I said, it wasn't that bad, but it wasn't that great either, I was hoping for something a little scarier and got something more like an M. Night Shyamalan.
Oh well.

---

April 26, 2009

It's just a box. Only a box.

I was once again awake all night last night after my friends left from our get-together dinner.
My insomnia is going through a very weird phase, I'll try to explain it later.
Anyway, I had been awake all night long, I knew that my sister would be bringing my niece Susan over around 2:30-3pm this afternoon for us to babysit until about 7pm, so I definitely needed some sleep.
I started to get extremely tired around 10:30am, and luckily, Mark's Big, George, called for him to go meet today, so I woke Mark up, and told him to wake me up when he was leaving with George around 12:30pm.
After my very quick 2 hour nap, I got up, ate something, and then just chilled until they got here.

Susan came in and brought me this absolutely adorable little flower pot with these gorgeous flowers in it.
She had a super big smile on her face, and said "I love you Aunty Kat", and gave me a huge hug.
I hadn't seen her in about a month and a half, 2 months, so we were both missing each other a lot.
Susan had been bugging my sister for weeks, she said, to "go see Aunty Kat", so today worked out perfectly as my sister had to work a few hours this afternoon.

The flowers are so pretty, I don't think the picture is really doing them justice, they are just so vibrant in person.
I had to move them off of the coffee table though, because the cats seem to think they are a snack.

Sometime around 5pm or so, I dozed off in my chair, 2 hours was simply not enough sleep, and so my body forced me to sleep.
I was only out for a little less than 30 minutes, but during that time, Susan spotted my gift boxes and wanted to play with them.
It's a set of 3 boxes, all of them matching colors, but different retro flower designs on each box.
Mark, not knowing that I had bought these really pretty and super sturdy gift boxes for a very particular reason, gave Susan the largest box.
He took out all of the packing stuff which was that crinkled, sorta shredded, colored paper that matched the boxes.
Then he took a black Sharpie and wrote on the cover of the box, "Susan's box of super awesome stuff."
I woke up to Susan standing next to me showing me her super cool new box, and I almost exploded.

I was going to use the boxes to send 3 friends some special gifts that I've found over the course of a few months, within the next couple of weeks.
It took me forever to find the most perfect gifts for each of them.
I had found and picked out the gifts that I feel truly represent these women and friends the best, and I had found the boxes on sale, they were the last of their particular kind, but they were still somewhat expensive because they aren't just gift boxes, they had divided sections and stuff inside to be used for keepsake boxes after the gifts are removed.
So imagine my shock to wake up and see one of my boxes now written on in Sharpie, and the beautiful green ribbon used to tie up the box, now all twisted and grimy from dirty little fingers and hands.

Susan ran back to the other room to play and add more of her toys to the box, and I asked Mark in a not so nice way, what the hell he was thinking giving her that box, why the hell did he write on it in Sharpie, and just a general OMG I want to kill you scream fest began.
I swear, I almost lost it, if I had had a kettlebell nearby, I probably would have flung it at his head.
Months of picking out gifts, finding just the most perfect gifts and the most perfect boxes to put them in, all gone in under 30 minutes.
And I know, not really gone, it's just a box, only a box, but they really were special boxes, they were the last of their kind, there were no other gift boxes that turned into keepsake boxes anywhere else in the store, and I just felt absolutely crushed.
It took me like an hour to calm down, but I did.
I watched Susan carry that box from room to room, hugging it against her chest, finding little things to put in it, and she was just so happy, so I let my anger go.
It's just a box, I'll try to find another one somewhere, maybe the store has gotten another supply of them in or something, and then I can send out the gifts for my friends.

I did apologize to Mark for yelling, and he apologized to me for doing it, he said that he had no idea the boxes were important, and he said Susan's eyes just lit up when she saw all of them and she fell in love with that one, so he didn't see the harm, it's just a box afterall.
And he's right, it is just a box.

---

April 26, 2009

Three more than I was expecting!

My friends Dustin and Stacey called at about 9:30pm, (our plans were for them to get here at 9-9:30pm) and said that they were running late.
They had a drunk friend crisis.
One of Stacey's friends, Amy, had just gotten broken up with in a very bad way, and Amy, the friend, had gone to a bar, started drinking, was super upset, and so they were trying to get her out of the bar before she did anything super stupid.
They also unexpectedly ended up with Dustin's 11 year old niece Mariah with them for the night, and they were calling to ask if it would it be ok if they brought them along.
I said of course!
I so very rarely get any company, so it would be nice to have a full house of all kinds and ages of people, plus, I always make enough spaghetti to feed a small army, and I had bought a large loaf of garlic bread, so I had plenty of food to go around.

When they got here, I felt like maybe there was some unknown to me announcement, or maybe a HUGE flashing red neon sign on my roof that says all are welcome, come on in! because I'm having a economy hotels promotions for dinner, entertainment, and lodging for the night, for one super low price! Welcome! Come in!
Not only did they bring Mariah and Amy, but they stopped by the babysitter's house, and picked up Amy's 10 year old son Adam.
They wanted to make Amy realize that she had a lot more good in her life, that all of the cruel things the ex-boyfriend had said to her, didn't matter in the big scheme of things.
She had a good job, a great son, and good, caring, and loving friends around her, and in her life.

I really didn't mind at all having the extra people, I enjoy meeting new people, and both Dustin and Stacey are good people, so I was assuming that they have good people in their life too.
I was right, Amy is a doll, a total sweetheart.
When she came into the kitchen where I was finishing up dinner after Sebastian had welcomed everyone in the house, she immediately offered to help me get everything done.
I told her that I was good to go, the spaghetti was totally done, I was mixing the sauce and pasta together, (I HATE pouring sauce over pasta. That may be the correct or fancy way, but mixing it in makes the noodles absorb the sauce, the meat and onions stick to it, and it just tastes so much better that way) and I was just about to stick the garlic bread in the NuWave.
Stacey and Dustin hadn't seen it use yet, and Amy had never even heard of it, so they watched with awe as I placed the garlic bread slices (I cut the loaf into thick slices) on the 4inch rack, and turned it on.
I finished mixing the spaghetti, getting all of the plates and forks ready, got the parmesan cheese out of the fridge, and we all just chatted away while they cooked.
They were done perfectly in just 4 minutes, and they were all like OMG! that thing rocks!
I think Stacey was most loving it because she is a cook too, loves to be in the kitchen cooking stuff up, so she asked me a bunch of questions while we plated up everyone's dinner.

Then we all went into the living room and made ourselves comfy while the movie started up, and they all raved about my spaghetti sauce, and kept asking me what I put in it because it was so flavorful.
Stacey kept trying to guess, "Oregano? basil? garlic? is that honey I taste? brown sugar? wait wait, I taste something else too, marjoram? Parsley? Thyme? Is there red pepper in this too? OMG Kat! I love this sauce, tell me what's in it!"
I said I couldn't tell her, it's a secret, and she said she'd figure it out before the night was over.
She didn't.
Oh, Adam is not a fan of horror movies, so he went into the other room with Mark and Sebastian to play video games.
He played Gears of War 2 on the xbox 360 with Sebastian, and Mark was on WoW of course.

The movie started, it was called Slaughter, it's one of the 8 Films to Die For, for 2009.
Faith thinks she is leaving her abusive relationship behind when she moves in with Lola on her family farm. Each night the girls go out, Lola comes home with a man. When Faith realizes these men never make it off the farm, she starts to believe Lola's family might be killing more than just animals in the slaughterhouse.
It was a fairly decent movie, lots of gore, the plot wasn't too bad, the acting was actually pretty good, (surprised on that one!) and the ending was a total surprise and shock, not a happy ending at all.
Wow, I was so not expecting that.

The movie ended a little bit past midnight, they needed to get the kids home, the very well behaved kids I might add, and so they packed up all of their stuff they brought with them, but they left me one of the movies to watch, and they'd either pick it up tomorrow night or on Tuesday when Dustin takes me to my doc appointment.
They left me The Butterfly Effect 3: Revelations.
The third installment in the series. A young man with the power to time travel attempts to solve the mystery of his girlfriend's death...but in doing so, is he causing the death of many more?
I've seen the first two, so I'll watch this one too.
The trailer for it didn't look half bad, it has gotten poor ratings, but I think a lot of people who watch the 8 Films to Die For series are expecting like, regular mainstream horror movies.
They are not, they are usually pretty cheesy, mostly bad acting, but awesome kill scenes with gross-you-out gore.
I enjoy them because of that, I love close up kill scenes with a ton of gore, and these movies provide that.

Anyway, it was a very fun night, everyone enjoyed themselves, got full up on food, good conversation, and laughs, so I would say it was a successful night, and I'm looking forward to the next get together which will be at their house next weekend.

---

April 25, 2009

Food, friends, and lots of cleaning to do.

I have a ton of cleaning to do for tonight, all of the dishes, clean the kitchen and bathroom, vac the rugs, and then make a huge pot of spaghetti for dinner and a movie with Dustin and Stacey tonight.
We're going to eat my awesome spaghetti and then watch a bunch of movies from the 8 films to die for series.
Both Stacey and I are huge horror fans, and while some of the movies in this series are total cheese fests, they always have awesome gore and special effects, so it will be a lot of fun to eat and get grossed out. LoL

I better get cracking on the dishes, both sides are full up and some of them need some extra elbow grease.
Yuck.

---

April 22, 2009

Flips are all the rage.

I keep seeing and hearing people talk about those Flip Video cameras, and how much people love them, everywhere!
I was watching The View yesterday, and Joy Behar was showing clips of her trip to Washington DC, the White House, and some of the other things she did on her trip, and the videos weren't bad at all, and she used one of these Flip Video cameras to do it.
You can watch some of those clips on their video page.

People everywhere, are talking about them, raving about them, and posting video clips like crazy because of those things, and Buy.com has refurbished ones on sale right now for just $79, the normal price is $179.00, so that's an awesome $100 off!

They do look pretty cool, and they have some great user ratings, mostly 4, 4.5 out of 5 stars, and customers are saying things like;
"Purchased a "reconditioned" flip ultra; it arrived in a sealed package and worked with no major problems."
and..
"I used the Flip 5 minutes after opening the box."

My friend Charlotte, actually bought 1 of these and posted a review on her blog about it.
I also have several other friends who have bought and love their Flip Video cameras too, so it's a cool and cheap camera if you are looking to get 1.

---

April 22, 2009

Paying it forward giveaway.

My good friend Jenn is having a giveaway for a gorgeous (I know this personally!) diamond journey necklace from Gem Affair.com, on her blog.
She's calling it the pay it forward giveaway, and you can go enter at her site and read the rules on how to win a ladder diamond journey necklace.

This necklace is absolutely beautiful, I know firsthand, because I own this necklace.
I won it from Gem Affair back in January.
And Jenn was the winner of my birthday giveaway that I had here on my blog back on March 1st!

This is a picture of the diamond journey necklace that Jenn is giving away, I took a picture of mine and posted it to my blog on the day it arrived.
You can click to see it bigger.

The rules to enter Jenn's giveaway are really pretty simple, and I am posting them here so you can see what you have to do and decide if you want to enter.

1. Leave me a comment telling me one positive thing about your fabulous-self. It can be about friendship, the work place, parenting or just the first thing that comes to mind when you think about "you." This is a requirement.

2. Since we're going to try and keep paying it forward, we ask that you please have a blog as the winner will be asked to then hold a contest themselves (however they prefer) promoting the notion of paying it forward. This is a fun way to spread some positivity throughout the blogosphere, because way too often we get caught up in our busy lives and forget just how wonderful we all really are.

It's that simple!

I LOVE the idea of paying it forward, and I am thrilled that Jenn has decided to do this giveaway like this.
She's right, we do get too far caught up in the bad things in our lives, and we tend to focus on the negatives about ourselves, (I did this earlier today. I was having a moment) so to enter her giveaway, you have to leave her a comment saying something positive about yourself.
I am not entering her contest, I am just spreading the word about it, but I really do think it's an awesome thing to do.
Spread some positivity throughout the blogosphere, we can all use a little pick-me-up right about now, so head on over if you have a blog, and leave her a comment saying something that you like about yourself.
It doesn't matter what it is, as long as it is about you, and it's a positive about you.

I have known Jenn through blogging for quite a few years now, and I was really touched by what she said about me in her post.
Like I mentioned, I was having a moment today, a moment of self pity and some self loathing, so when I read her words, I immediately felt better, and so thankful to have such good friends.
I always find it a bit odd or weird, when people say they admire me, tell me how strong I am, and other things like that.
I don't feel strong all of the time, I'm not always positive, things are very hard for me most of the time, but I have to keep going, I don't really have a choice in that.
There are times, like today, when I just fall apart, when I feel like I simply can't go on another moment, and so when I come across the nice things people say about me on their blogs as I'm reading blog feeds or Twitter, I feel better and humbled at the same time.
I am truly greatful to all of the friends I have online and off, who care so much about me, it's a really good feeling to know that I am thought of and cared about, so I thank all of you who are in my life, and like Jenn, you all have changed my life in ways I can't even tell you.

---

April 21, 2009

Friends, food, and fun.

The teens and I had some company on Monday night, my friends Dustin and his girlfriend Stacey came over to hang out with us for awhile.

Dustin had taken me to my doctor's appointment and the pharmacy, and then he asked what we were doing tonight.
I told him nothing, the usual Monday night routine of dinner, maybe a movie or just some regular tv, and then bed for the teens at 11:30, and I'll probably stay awake all night again.
He asked if we'd like to have some company, if he and Stacey could come hang out for a few hours, he'd buy dinner, we could watch a movie, he could play some video games with the teens, and Stacey and I could hang out and get to know each other a bit better.

I only met Dustin about 5-6 months ago, and just met his girlfriend about 5-7 weeks ago.
Dustin and I talk to each other almost daily, he helps me get to my appointments and stuff, and as soon as Stacey and I met, we were like instant friends.
She is my age, she grew up in Maine like I did, in Portland and the Biddeford/Saco area, she moved here to Florida about 16 years ago, and I've been here for the last 12.
We both love horror movies, we've even worked at the same types of jobs our whole lives.
We're Jills of all trades I guess you could say, because whatever job was hiring, we took it to make ends meet and take care of our kids.
Yup, she's also a single mom, she only has 1 kid though, but it's still one of those camaraderie things.

Dustin dropped me off about 6pm, then he went and picked Stacey up from work, (her son is at his dad's until Thursday) they swung by the store, picked up some Mountain Dew for him and the teens, a gallon of water for Stacey, and some Diet Coke for me, and then they came in and we started our fun evening.
He ordered a super large pizza and a ton of Buffalo wings from Pizza Hut, and we picked a movie to watch while we ate.
Stacey and I both love the movie Stir of Echoes and hadn't seen it in awhile, and Dustin had never seen it, and after, he said he really liked it, so it was a good choice.
After dinner and the movie, Dustin and the teens went in the other room and played a few games, Resident Evil 5 and Gears of War 2, and talked about the upcoming game, Batman: Arkham Asylum, which we all want to play wicked way bad.

Stacey and I hung out here in the living room, talked about how much we have in common, which really is a lot, our lives practically mirror each other, it's kind of freaky.
We talked about our fave horror movies, our kids, our health, and then we watched a movie on my computer, "The Last House on the Left", the remake, because she hadn't seen the new one yet, but she has the old one, and we're going to have another movie watching night to watch the classic 1972 version too.

And we also planned our next get-together hang out night for all of us.
Sort of.
We didn't pick a night yet, but we decided on the menu at least, my awesome spaghetti and some of my killer garlic bread, and we picked the movie(s), The Burrowers and The Haunting of Molly Hartley.
She said it's good, that I'll like it even though it doesn't have the best user ratings and reviews, she liked it so I'll probably like it too because our tastes are so similar.
I'm going to talk to Dustin tomorrow afternoon when he takes me to my appointment with the cardiac doctor, about what night would be good for them.

It's really nice having some company, having some friends over to hang out and talk to.
Since my surgeries, I don't get out much, really can't go out and party and go to clubs and stuff anymore, so most of the friends I had, sorta left me.
They all go out and hang out, go to bars and clubs, go dancing, and those are all things that I currently can't do anymore, I haven't been able to do any of that stuff since September, so most of my friends just stopped coming around, stopped calling, and just sorta faded away.
That saying that says you find out who your real friends are when you either get arrested or are in bad health, is all too painfully true.
Your real friends stand by you, they come bail you out or are sitting right next to you in the cell, or they visit you in the hospital, come visit you at home, just come by or call to see how you are, they don't just fade away.
Both Dustin and Stacey are homebodies, they like quiet nights at home watching movies and eating a decent meal, and they don't mind one little bit that I can't go out and party because they aren't party people themselves.
They both thanked me about a gazillion times for having them over tonight, they thanked the teens for letting them be here too, for playing video games, and the pleasant conversation and funny jokes.

It's me who should thank them, and I did, repeatedly as they left.
I've been stuck in my house for so long, only going out to see a doctor or go grocery shopping, so it was really wicked nice to have company, conversation, and make some new friends who don't mind my situation, who help me get to places, and just enjoy spending time with me, I had a really good time and can't wait to do it again.

---

April 13, 2009

A totally eventful day!

In order of awesomeness;

1. Mark's graduation test teacher lady called this morning around 11am to tell me that Mark had totally passed his test, so he WILL be graduating with his class, full cap and gown, the whole shebang!
W00t!
I am so so proud of him!
The only sucky hing is that if he wants to march with his class, is that he has to go to school every single day from now until the end of the year, even though he does nothing all day long but sleep, play on the computers or read books.
There's nothing for him to do education wise, he's done, he graduated early, so he gets to slack off all day long.
Which is fine, he decided that he wants to macrh, be in cap and gown, so he's going to sign the form to graduate with his class, and that way I'll have pictures of him graduating.

2. My friend Dustin and I went to Amscot and took care of the card switch over stuff.
I turned in my old card, got a new temporary card, a new direct deposit form to give to SSDI, (need to call them in the morning) and my new card will be here in 7-10 business days.
They let us choose our design this time from 4 designs, 1 being all black, so that's the one I chose.
Ha!

3. Dustin then took me to both Walmart and Home Depot to find the best deal on the right sized AC for the hole in the wall + the room size, finding it at Home Depot.
It wasn't too horrible of price, it came to $359.63, we brought it home and it perfectly fit the hole already in the wall, it was installed in less than 10minutes after taking out the busted piece of crap, and it is now getting all nice and chilly in here.
Ah, blessed AC!
The next thing I am going to do is to get 1 of those cages or fences, whatever they are called, and either get Dustin or someone else to do the fence installation around the AC so some punk doesn't bust my AC again.

It is so nice to be sitting here not sweating my ass off, you have no idea.
Today was so hot, it was just absolutely miserable.
I took about 5 showers just trying to cool myself off, but it was for nothing really.
5 minutes after stepping out, all sweaty again.
Blech!

So there we go, my totally awesome, eventful and great day!

---

April 11, 2009

Friends, computers, and fun.

A couple of my friends came over tonight, Dustin and his girlfriend Stacey, and we all just hung out and talked for a few hours about all kinds of stuff.
Stacey is a total sweetheart, she came in and marched straight to my kitchen and did my dishes even though I told her like 6 times not to.
She said she wanted to help because Dustin told her what a totally crappy week I've had with the AC and the heat.
Dustin and I talk on the phone several times a week, he has been giving me rides to some of my doctor's appointments and stuff too.
Even though I told her not to do them, and she did them anyway, I really did appreciate her doing them.
The kitchen is just way too hot without the AC, and I tried to do the dishes, but just couldn't.
It was so hot in there, I gave up after just 3 bowls and 1 cup.

Then we sat around my computer and I showed her how to do some stuff.
She really wants to get better at the internet, so I helped her with her myspace page, showed her how to add some stuff to it, how to save pics and then host them so she could post them, and then we're going to slowly do some more stuff together so she can set up her own website.
She has some ideas for what she wants to do, and she brought over a whole bunch of pictures on her flash drive that she wants to have on her website when she gets it up and running.
She wants to start her own dance/exercise studio, teach women how to get in shape through dancing.
She's been a dancer for 17 years, and she's in incredible shape, dancing is all she does to stay in shape, so she wants to teach other women how to dance to get in shape, and how much more fun it is than regular old boring exercises like sit ups and crunches, lunges, and stuff.
I think it's a great idea, and there aren't any of these types of fitness places around here, so I think she's got a really good shot at making it work.
She already has her studio planned out and is meeting with the property owners about monthly rental costs in a few weeks.

Dustin went absolutely nuts when he saw the giant box of Tootsie Roll candies I have...LoL
I swear, no mater how old a guy is, they all act like little kids in a candy store when they see that much candy.
His eyes lit up, he asked how I got it all, I told him I won it, and he was like OMG! You so rock! hahaha

We're going to plan a night of movies and dinner for like next weekend or something, pick a good movie, plan a good meal, and just hang out together.
The teens like the both of them, they showed Dustin WoW, and he was amazed.
He said he had heard about the game from friends, but had never seen it, so he was all "Wow, this is so freaking cool!"
Both he and Stacey like to play video games too, so when they saw that the teens had Resident Evil 5, they said after dinner and the movie, they want to play that game even though it scares the crap outta Stacey, she loves to play it and be scared.
I'm the same way, I love to play it even though it totally creeps me out. hahaha

So anyway, that's how our night was, I have some stuff to catch up on, and even though it's late, I'm still going to try and get some of it done.
I'm wide awake again.
Might have something to do with the amount of sugar I ate today...hahaha

---

April 10, 2009

16lbs of candy and some yummy soap is here!

The FedEx guy pulled up today and brought us that huge box of Tootsie Roll brand candies that I won from Lisa Reviews, and he asked if we ordered it.
Sebastian said "No, my mom won it!"
The guy told him he was a lucky kid and to not eat it all at once.
Sebastian couldn't wait for me to open the box so he could see everything inside of it, and of course, dig in...LoL
This is what was in the box;

Two Tootsie Roll banks, lots of Tootsie Pops, Andes Candies, Junior Mints, (which are in the freezer) Fluffy Stuff cotton candy, Frooties, several different kinds of Dubble Bubble, and a TON of all different kinds of the candy that Tootsie makes.
Sebastian was totally excited, and when Mark finally woke up, he was like "Wow, that's all ours?!"
So he was a bit excited to have a ton of candy too. hahaha

The mailman also brought the soaps I ordered last week (after paying off all of my bills from my income tax return) from my friend Lara's homemade soap and candle shop, The Sage Grove.
Lara had made a very specific scent of soap I had told her about, and so when I had the extra money, I bought 3 of the 4 remaining bars she had for sale on her site.
I thought it would have been really mean to buy all 4 bars and not leave at least 1 for someone else.
It is so wonderful!!!
I took a shower with it just a few minutes ago so I could cool off and also wash off the days nasty sweat, and OMGosh! It's amazing!
I love jasmine and pink grapefruit soap!
I used to buy it from another blogging friend who made it, but she hasn't made any in a long time for personal reasons, and so when I was telling Lara about it, she said she'd give it a try.
After she made it, she told me that it smelled "divine!"
Yes it does!
I absolutely love the smell of this soap, taking a shower with it today was awesome, it lathered up really nice, it smells so incredible, and the scent lingers on your skin for hours after showering with it, you don't need to wear any perfume or anything else, the scent is simply scrumptious on it's own.
I still would love a perfume or body lotion made from it some time, I think that would become like my 'signature scent' if I could get it in a perfume.
Lara also packed in the box for me, a bar of Vanilla Sugar soap, a bar of Oakmoss soap, and a bar of Citrus Sherbet soap.
ALL of them smell so so good!
If you love great smelling and homemade soaps, please go check out her shop, her soaps are just awesome, I'll have to try her candles some time when I get some money again some time.

Ok, I guess that's all for now, I need to go eat something for dinner now that it's a bit cooler.
I can't eat when it's so hot out, it makes me feel sick to my stomach, blech.

---

April 10, 2009

It didn't last the night.

Sometime around 4am, the AC stopped cooling after only being on since about 1am when I finally closed the front door and the windows.
*sigh*

But all is not lost!
I have received several offers for help, and I have taken one of those offers, so I should be able to have the new AC bought and installed by tomorrow.
So thank you to those who offered to help, it really means a lot.
We just gotta get through the heat today and a little tomorrow, and then we'll be able to be cool again.

---

April 9, 2009

Someone broke my AC.

I know that's a totally crappy picture, but it's the best I could do because I can't raise my head to see what I'm even taking a picture of.
What you're looking at though is a puncture, someone punctured the AC's coolant line, intentionally.
It was done sometime between Monday night and this morning.
The AC may still cool the house off for a few days at the most, and then it will be totally dead.
When it is turned on, the freon just blows out that hole, the house does cool a little bit, but water leaks from the bottom, it sprays out of the top cooling vents, and soaks the carpet and floor, and the wall where the AC is.

I tried to call my landlord a bunch of times, but his voice mail says he is gone for the long holiday.
His kids are on spring breaks and it's Easter.
I can't reach him.

It totally figures that I'd get my income taxes back, pay off loans, pay off a bunch of bills, doctor bills, doctor appointments, prescriptions etc, and then something major breaks.
I did get paid from some paid blogging today but it is nowhere near enough to buy a new AC at all.
It's going to cost between $300-$400 to get a new one.
The heat wasn't too bad today, but it's going to get hotter.
This is the forecast for the week, and I'm dreading it.

I don't know who did this, who would do this, but someone intentionally poked the AC coolant line and has made it so all of the freon will escape if we turn it on.

Mindy's husband Chris stopped by this afternoon to look at it, and that's what he told me, that someone poked it with a screwdriver or some other object, it can't be repaired, no AC service centers repair them, I called all over today.
They all told me I'm better off just buying a new one, but with what?
It just figures, this is what my life is like, this is what always happens to me.
Things go good for a little while, and then BAM!
I called the pawn shop up the street to see if they'd buy any of my jewelry.
Nope, they only take gold and I'm a sterling silver kind of girl.
I just don't know what to do at this point.
I think I've spent most of the day crying off and on out of sheer frustration over this.
The heat is going to get to me really bad, my body can't handle the heat, and I have another surgery coming up soon, I'll be in that damn halo brace, and it's just really going to suck.
I don't know why someone did this, why would someone do this?!
I leave people alone, I don't bother, heck, I don't even talk to most of my neighbors, but still someone poked the damn thing and killed it.

The teens think it was either the punk ass teens who are always following them home tormenting them, or just other punk ass teens in the hood.
I don't know, all I know is I just have really shitty fucking luck and I don't know why or what to do right now.

---

April 7, 2009

At least it's not hot out tonight.

Mindy and her husband Chris came over and looked at the AC, and Chris thinks that it's water trapped inside and it needs to dry out.
The AC has been off since about 6pm or so, we have a couple of windows open, but I refuse to open more of them because I don't like sleeping (if I can even sleep at all tonight) with the windows open living on the ground floor.
Yup.
I'm totally paranoid that the one night I sleep with the windows open, that some jerk will come and try to break in, rob us, hurt us, all kinds of crazy paranoid thoughts about home invasions.

Anyway, Chris thinks that the rattling noise is the fan hitting the water that's built up inside, and it needs to totally dry out.
He also thinks that I'm going to need another new AC within the year, one that is actually meant for this size house, like the one that was in here when we moved in.
That AC lasted for the first 7 years we lived here, and from the look of it, it had probably been here since the house was built.
This duplex needs to have a much bigger AC unit, not sure of the correct size or BTUs, but the one that was here before, before it got struck by lightening, worked exceptionally well.
It was able to cool off the entire house, and it also had a heater in it for winter, which I only ever used twice because this is Florida, it doesn't really get cold enough in my opinion, to need to run the heat during the winter.
So he thinks we need to get one like that again, it will work much more efficiently, cool the whole house, not have to work so hard to cool the house off.
This AC does do a good job of cooling most of the house off, but it's a smaller AC than the right sized one, so it's always working hard to keep the house cool.
The condensation has built up in it big time, and so he thinks that is the cause of the rattling noise.
The fan hitting all of the built up water.

I tried to turn it on a few minutes ago, and the rattling started right back up.
Hopefully it will be all dried out by tomorrow morning, er, this morning, in case the weather forecast is wrong, and instead of being 67 degrees, it goes up to 77 or 87 degrees.
It would be totally freaking hot in here, like sweltering hot.
No AC in this house is like being in a sauna.
It's supposed to be between 47 and 54 degrees overnight tonight, so that's not too bad to try and sleep without it.

---

April 6, 2009

It's driving us all insane!

The AC is STILL making the rattling noise, and it's blowing a fine mist of water spray from the cooling vents.
I can't get in there to look at it, can't raise my head up, and even if I could, I have absolutely no idea what the hell to do to make it stop.
I did Google it, and from every site I read, it sounds like I have something stuck in it, something stuck in the water drain, and so that's why it's rattling and spraying a fine mist.
The water can't drain, so it's blowing back out.
The rattling noise is whatever the hell is stuck in it.

I called my friend Mindy and asked her if her husband could come take a look at it.
Her husband Chris is the one who installed the new AC for me back in October, so it's still relatively new and shouldn't be broken or anywhere near to being broken so soon.
At least I hope not.
Man, that would really suck if I had to replace it again so soon.
They are going to come over after they take their son Jeff to work at 6pm, and hopefully it will be a super easy fix, something that won't take a lot of time or trouble.
I really would hate it if it turned out to be a really big and hard job like it was when we had to install this new one.

The other reason I hope it's a fast and easy fix is because of the noise.
It's never ending, it hasn't stopped, and it gets on my nerves and is making Sebastian's headaches just really horrible.
I am giving him his meds and Tylenol, trying to just keep off any full blown migraines from starting, but this noise is giving me a headache, I can only imagine how it sounds and feels to him right now.
I feel like I'm going crazy listening to it, so it's kinda good that he stays and plays in the other room.
If he was out here with this, he'd be hurting really bad right now.

---

March 4, 2009

Maybe someday again.

I have a friend through my blog, Kelli, who was asking me just the other day about ellipticals and which ones were the best in my opinion.
Well the only one I have ever used for any length of time is the one I own, and it's a Nordictrack, and I love it.
I haven't been able to use it since June 2008, but man, I freaking loved it when I could use it every day.
I was doing so well, I was working out for an hour every single day, I was losing weight, I was toning up my leg and arm muscles, as well as my back muscles which definitely need to be toned up and worked on.
I was having massive pain in my left shoulder for months, and while searching for the answer as to why, they found that whole thing wrong with my neck, told me I absolutely had to stop working out, and that I had to have surgery ASAP.

I do hope to get back to my elliptical someday soon though, I plan on asking my surgeon about it when I see him on the 25th, asking him if after this next neck surgery, if I'll ever be able to use it again, because honestly, the elliptical was the only real exercise other than walking, that i have been able to do since my first spine surgery in February 2006.
It's the best too, I loved it, I really did love it, still do love it, miss it, so I hope that he'll say after the next surgery, that I'll be able to use it again.

---

February 22, 2009

NuWave Pro Oven product review.

Like I posted yesterday, I received the Nuwave Pro Oven as a gift from some friends, and I used it to cook our dinner tonight.

I had a really good reason to test it out tonight, we had a bit of an accident here at the house.
I had posted to Twitter how good I was feeling so I was going to do some house cleaning.
It's been awhile since I've felt good, so I wanted to do all of the dishes, the laundry, and vac the carpets.
Within minutes of posting that, the bathroom flooded, which subsequently had spread to the back bathroom and hallway.
The landlord is trying to fix up the duplex apartment next door after the old neighbors moved out about 6 months ago.
He's had to do an insane amount of work, they really trashed the place.
He had torn up the carpets and decided to never put any back down again after what they let their pets do to every full room of carpet in there so no other tenants do that again, and today, he decided to power-wash the terrazzo flooring in there.
He hooked up the power washer to the sink or tub faucet in the bathroom, and proceeded to wash the floors, suck it all up in a wet vac, and he dumped it all down the toilet drain and then left.
This old duplex is still on septic, it can't handle that much water going down the toilet that fast, and so, it all backed up into our side of the duplex.
I spent the entire afternoon soaking up water with towels and then doing all of laundry, having to wash all of those towels.
So by the time the teens and I had finished cleaning the house, it was nearing dinner time and I was no longer physically feeling so great.
My back, neck and shoulders were fried, and not to mention, I was so busy cleaning up the watery mess, I had forgotten to thaw out the frozen chicken breasts for dinner.

The NuWave Pro Oven says that it can cook from frozen in less time than thawed or fresh, in a regular oven, so I decided to test drive it tonight.
It's all digital, you just place your food inside, check the chart for cooking times, set the temperature and time, click start, and it cooks your food.

I got it all set up and placed the frozen chicken breasts on the cooking rack making sure the drip pan was beneath, and set the cooking temperature to high power (350degrees) which was 1 button, set the time for 16 minutes which was 3 buttons, and clicked 1 button to start.
A total of 5 button pushes to make dinner.

Within just 3 minutes, they were thawed and starting to cook!

They were starting to turn a nice golden color at about 8 minutes.

And just like the infomercial says, all of the fat and grease drips off of the food and into the drip pan below, making your food healthier because it's not sitting in it's own grease.

At 16 minutes, they were completely cooked all of the way through, but the teens wanted some BBQ sauce on them, so I opened up the NuWave, poured some on, and set it to cook again for just another 3 minutes to bake the yummy sauce onto the chicken breasts.

I made a side of Pasta Roni fettuccine alfredo to go with it, and wow, it was so good!

When the infomercial says that your food cooks in less time, has less fat and grease, and the meat is tender and moist, they are NOT lying.
The chicken breasts were so full of flavor, they were tender and juicy, and was definitely done in far less time than if I had cooked it in a regular oven.
If I had cooked them in the oven, it would have taken about 45 minutes, the whole house would have gotten hot, I would have had to bend over and keep checking to see if they were done, which stresses my neck and back out, turn them over so both sides could get brown, and then I would have had the baking sheet to clean up which is always a mess after making anything with BBQ sauce.
BBQ sauce sticks to the baking sheet something fierce, and I usually end up having to soak it for about an hour or two in order to get it totally clean.

When dinner was over, it was time to clean up and wash the NuWave.
It was SO easy to clean!
The top dome comes off of the digital cooking head simply by turning it counter clockwise, and the dome itself doesn't get dirty because the food didn't splatter at all, it simply had some condensation in it, so I just rinsed it out under the faucet head.

The drip pan was also super easy to clean, just a few wipes around with my dish stick, and all of the fat, grease, and BBQ sauce drippings just came right off.
No sticky mess!

The baking rack was also wicked, wicked easy to clean because I had given it a light spray of no-stick cooking spray, so again, just a few wipes over the rack grids with the dish stick, and it was totally clean.

Overall, the NuWave Pro Oven is awesome!
It is super easy to use, cooks in less time than the regular oven, really easy to clean, and the food comes out moist and full of flavor, just really, really great.
I absolutely love it and can see us using this for everything that we would normally cook in the oven.
It is so easy to use that the teens will not have any problems at all learning how to cook with it, so when I do go in for my surgery and begin recovering at home, they will be able to eat food that is good for them.
No more take out, junk food, no more microwave meals, no more cold lunch meat sandwiches or subs every night for months on end, they will be eating good and tasty food that they cooked themselves.

---

February 21, 2009

Friends, food, and cooking.

I have had a day here and I can't stop crying.
Ok, I sorta can.
I've been crying off and on since this morning over all kinds of things.
I'm like a pressure cooker right now, slowly letting out steam every 20 minutes or so.
A few days ago, I blogged about all of the stress and other things building up in me, my lost trust in people, my lost faith in people, I felt like I was losing my mind.
I still do sorta feel that way.
It's just one thing after another, all of the little and big things keep piling onto all of the things I already am trying to deal with.

Today though, some of my faith in people has been restored.
Through kindness and generosity, true caring from friends, and that set me off crying again.

The teens and I walked to the store late this afternoon, and when we returned home, we found this big huge box at the front door.
My son Mark brought it in, we put all the groceries away, and then I opened it.
It was the NuWave oven I've been wanting to get to help make it easier for my sons to cook and eat good food while I'm having surgery and after.
After both of my last surgeries, they ate nothing but junk food, microwave food, take out, cold lunch meat sandwiches day after day for months, except for a few meals that Mindy brought over, and a few times that my sister stopped by with some stuff that didn't need any cooking too.
The teens fear getting burned by the regular oven, they are getting a little better about it, but they still are afraid to reach in and take out hot items.

There was no card inside the box, only a packing slip with one person's name on it, so I emailed her and asked her why as well as to say thank you.
I asked why because I know that when I blogged about losing my trust and faith in people, I had written even friends I usually could trust and talk to, and I know that it hurt her.
I was in such a bad place last week, I was angry, hurt, felt betrayed, and I lashed out at everyone, and I know that was wrong, but shutting down and shutting off from everyone was the easiest way for me to handle what I was dealing with.
I didn't know any other way to deal with it than just shutting down and blocking everyone out until I could sort it all out.
I did apologize to the close friends who I know I hurt with my words, but I was and still am, feeling very badly about hurting them simply because I couldn't figure out how to deal with any of what was happening.

But the NuWave wasn't just from her, about 12 people all pitched in and bought it for me and the teens, to help us all out when I have the next surgery, so the teens will be able to eat real food, not all of the junk food and microwave crap that they ate after both of my last surgeries.
I would link to them all, but I don't know if they want me to do that, they know who they are, but I want to say thank you and thank you, and thank YOU, and thanks to the woman who thought the whole plan up, contacted others and got it all going.
It was wicked nice of her to be thinking of me, wanting to do something to not only cheer me up, but also help the teens and I after the next surgery so they will be able to eat better and easier.

It is the NuWave Oven Pro, the exact one that I wanted, it came with all of the things that the infomercial and website says it does.
The instructional DVD, the pizza flipper, 25 recipe cards, 2 recipe booklets, the extender ring kit, 2 cooking racks, a round baking pan, and the Twister blender.
I can't wait to try it all out, I'm sure I'll do a product review of it, I love kitchen gadgets as most people know, and this really is going to help make it so much easier for the teens to cook good meals for themselves after my next surgery and during my recovery.
It's not big and scary like the oven, fits perfectly on the counter top, and from reading the instruction manual, seems very easy to use.

---

February 14, 2009

Just kidding!

The last few days have been pretty stressful for me, I've been shown, once again, that there are people who are just terrible human beings.
I don't sleep much anyway, been battling insomnia for years, but the last few days, I've barely slept at all, barely ate at all.
Who needs diet pills when you are so stressed out and sickened that you can't even eat.

I have lost trust in people, I don't know who to trust, who not to trust, I am lost.
I am hurt, angry, feeling completely betrayed, and I have this absolutely horrible pit-of-my-stomach sick feeling that someone pretending to be my friend, is a part of what happened.

I know that by blogging, by being online, I have put myself in this position of being a target, but at the same time, I always try to believe that people will be good to each other, treat each other right, fairly.
People often tell me that I shouldn't put so much trust in people because most people are only in it for themselves, would trample you in a heartbeat to get for themselves, that I shouldn't take anyone's word for anything, that people are liars, thieves, just all around rotten people.
But I always want to see the best in people, I always want to look past whatever mistakes people have made, and try to find the good in them.

But now?
No, I can't do that anymore.
I *know* I am being lied to by someone who is claiming to be a friend, there's just too many coincidences in timing, in things said, in their behavior, and it really saddens and angers me that they were a part of this plan to hurt me.
I have lost all trust in people, I am completely lost here.

I am also very upset with myself, to be feeling this angry and having intense feelings of revenge.
I am NOT a mean person, I am not the type to seek out revenge, intentionally hurt people, but I am feeling that way and I hate it.
I hate that I feel like this, I hate that someone spent almost 2 years hating on me because I post a lot, post to my blog, post to forums, and when push came to shove, they claimed it was all a joke, "Ha ha, just having some fun, never meant to hurt you, just kidding Kat, just playing around."
Just kidding for almost 2 years?
I don't think so.
You can't have all that hate for someone for that long, and then turn around and call it a joke when the center of your hatred finds out and handles it through legal means.

I talk a lot, I post a lot, sorry if that bothers people, and if it bothers them now, just wait.
The revision surgery I'll be having may make it so that I can't speak at all for a minimum of 3 months.
I'll have a trach tube in my throat, and a feeding tube in my stomach.
I won't be able to eat, drink, or speak.
I won't be able to even talk to my own sons for months, all communication even within my own home, will be done through text.
I have a lot going on, and maybe that's why after several emails back and forth last night, they took it all down, they removed everything they said, they felt guilty for doing it, but still, calling it all a joke, a 2 year long joke?
No, you don't get to play that card.
And you don't get to call yourself my friend.

---

January 29, 2009

Spinning my wheels.

I feel like I have just been spinning my wheels and getting nowhere fast for the last few weeks.
Everything always happens in groups when it happens around here.
My life is basically boring, it's generally the same thing day in and day out, but once 1 thing happens, every other possible thing that can happen, happens.

As I've posted about, Sebastian has been getting some really severe migraines.
The medicine to try and help control them, Fiorinal, isn't really helping him all that much.
He's supposed to take 1 every 6 hours as needed for the migraines, but they don't last a full 6 hours, so I called the doc and he said he can take 1 every 4 hours as needed, but no more than that.
Well they still don't help him much, they wear off rather quickly, but if he could take them at school, maybe he'd be ok.
The problem with that is the school's zero tolerance policy against drugs, even prescribed drugs, they said he cannot have them at school.
Not even in the nurse's office with her dispensing them as he needs them.
They do not allow any type of narcotics, even prescribed ones, to be on school property at all.
Heck, students aren't even allowed to have Tylenol at school.
I argued with the school nurse for over an hour on Tuesday morning when they called to tell me they were sending him home due to his migraines.
We went back and forth over the issue, it's a prescribed medication, he has a script, a note from the doctor, he has to take them, he will be seeing a neurologist after February 16th, please, please, make an exemption, or tell me who I have to speak to about getting an exemption.
They said I'd have to take it up with both the principal, and possibly even the school board, if the principal feels the medication is too strong.

Here's what Fiorinal is:
Aspirin, Butalbital, and Caffeine.
That's it, that's all that's in it, but because the main ingredient is in a class called barbiturates, the school will not allow him to have them.
If he takes even 1 pill to school in his pocket (because they won't allow them in the nurse's office under her supervision and dispersion) to take when a migraine comes on, and he gets caught taking it, he will definitely be suspended, and possibly expelled due to their zero tolerance policy.
Even though he has a prescription and they will not let him have them in an adult's care.
It makes me absolutely furious that he is suffering and has medication that helps somewhat, yet they will not allow him to have or take them as medically prescribed.
So tomorrow, I'm going to call his doctor and see if he can help me force the school to allow him to have his medicine when he needs it.

The way they are handling it is, if his migraines come on and get too bad for him, to where he's putting his head down, near tears from pain, they are simply sending him home so he can take his medicine at home, but not allowing him to return for the rest of the day.
He's sent home, so it's an excused absence, but how ridiculous is it that they would prefer to send a student home for the day rather than give them their prescribed medications?!?!

Today I had my appointment with my surgeon, and once again, it's all really overwhelming news, more than I even want to think about, but I have about 2 months to think and decide how I want to proceed.
My quality of life now verses a possibly even more degenerated medical state, or a possibly better medical state.
But we won't really know the total risk percentages until a few more specialists have been spoken to, ideas talked about, all of the pros and cons gone over with a fine tooth comb.

But man, getting there today was the pits.
We (Mindy and I) left here at noon, usually takes about an hour and 30 or so minutes to get there, but I blinked and missed the exit which caused us to be just 2 exits off, but with no turn around area, and in a city that does not have cross over roads to get back to where we needed to be.
So I called people for help with directions.
I called my sister who got us much closer, then I tried to call my friend Jimmy who drives a truck for a living and knows that area of Tampa/Hillsborough/Pinellas County/McMullen Booth Road very well, and when he didn't answer, I tried another friend who lives out in the Wesley Chapel area and drives to and from the Tampa area all of the time, only to have him text me rather than call me back, and then when did, he said he never travels on McMullen Booth Road because it's "scary."
So then I called my friend Tina, who practically lives near my surgeons office, drives to and from work up and down McMullen Booth Road twice a day, who couldn't tell me actual directions because she uses landmarks, not street names, and between road signs that pointed us the wrong way, bad directions, roads not even marked, and construction and digital signage pointing us in all of the wrong directions, I was over an hour late for my appointment, my blood pressure was through the roof, it was hot, I was sweaty, we had been in the car for 3 hours and 15 minutes, both of us having to pee like race horses, and it just made me absolutely crazy.
I was on the verge of tears at one point, laughing so I wouldn't actually start crying.
The stress of everything over the last few weeks is just building in me, and then to get the news he gave me, blah, my day was just absolute crap.
Mindy is like a total saint, she didn't get frustrated once, and if she did, she certainly didn't show it, she even joked about how we had now taken the scenic route and how we both should know the Tampa area a little better now.
Ha ha. eh.

There's another cold front coming through, so it will be another few days of being frozen from the inside out, which my surgeon says other patients also report feeling, trying to get Sebastian some help, and trying to teach him some relaxation techniques to help him cope with the migraines.
I know how he feels, I get them as well, so I'm trying to teach him how to calm himself down, to breathe slowly, to take his mind someplace else, trying to deal with the school's idiotic rule about medicine, trying to get all of my health stuff sorted out, trying to deal with work, and people who lie and cause problems, hypocrites, and more.
I wish I could open people's eyes, help them see, but people choose to see what they want, they believe what they want, and nothing will change that for them until they get burned, again.
That bothers me, a lot, because I don't like seeing people I consider friends get burned by other people's lies and hypocrisy.
I need to remember that I cannot take on the weighty problems of others, I need to remember and keep telling myself over and over, that I cannot make others be logical or think logical, that they must get there on their own.
I cannot reason with people who cannot see reason, people who are continuously blinded by empty promises.

---

January 22, 2009

The crampy potty virus.

Ok, now both Sebastian and I have the virus from hell.
He had to stay home from school today because every 5 minutes he was cramping up and running to the toilet.
I gave him some antibiotics and some Tums to help deal with it all, but it's miserable and nothing really helps.
You cannot take anti-diarrhea medicine when you have a stomach virus.
If you do, you are only helping to keep the virus in your system.
You have to let it run it's course, run through you, and it usually takes roughly 24-48 hours to run it's course.
If he gets a fever and it doesn't go away after 4-5 days, if he gets dehydrated, I'll take him to the docs, but it should be gone soon, Mark had it and he's all better now on day 3.

I have been sick since yesterday morning as well as dealing with the cold weather that Florida is having.
I moved here for several reasons, one of them being the weather, I knew even back then that my back couldn't handle the cold, and so having this cold front come through here is really no fun at all.
Last night's lowest temp was 30 degrees here, and once again tonight they are calling it to be another "hard freeze warning", meaning extremely low temps again.
I know I complain a lot about the cold weather and the titanium, but if you could only feel what I feel when it gets cold, you'd be complaining too.

I would never ever hire something like a Lexington personal injury lawyer and go after my surgeon for what happens when it gets cold, it may only be me who deals with it, I honestly don't know if other spine fusion patients go through it too.
But what happens when it gets cold is, the titanium rods get cold, they get freezing cold to the point where it feels like I have popsicles inserted in my skin right on my spine and spinal cord.
It is unbearable, I didn't sleep at all last night and the night before, I just tossed and turned, tried to warm the titanium up anyway I could think of, but nothing helped at all.
My doc's nurse Cindy, did call me back yesterday, but she had sent out a new prescription for something a little stronger, so it came in today's mail and I went and got it filled early this afternoon.

Because I'm sick, the smell of food is making my stomach cramp up, Mindy has offered and will be bringing some home made lasagna over tonight around 5pm so that at least Mark and Sebastian can eat if they feel up to it.
She picked Sebastian and I up from Walgreen's this afternoon too after my script was filled so I didn't have to spend another $10 on a cab home.

Anyway, I'm really hoping that this runs it's course very quickly, I have work I have to do and I am sooo behind on it.
Later days.

---

January 8, 2009

Picture project!

As I said in the post below, I would love to have some nice scrapbooks of the teens, but I suck at that kind of stuff.

Both Leeanne and Christine offered to scrapbook some pictures for me, and I appreciate the offers so so much, but I know Christine's scrapbooking work really well, and we've known each other a very long time now.
Every year for my birthday, and the teens birthdays, and holidays, she has made us THE most beautiful handmade cards, I've kept each and every one of them and so have the teens.

Anyway, I've known Christine for so long, (online now for something like, oh gosh, 7 years. I've been blogging since 1997 as of this month on the 10th, so 12 years blogging for me, and I met her through blogging shortly after that when she started blogging in 2002) and I know what kind of scrapbooking work she does not only because of the cards she has made for us, but I've seen her post many of her works on her blog, and she's even been featured in scrapbooking magazines like this one she did of her beloved Squeaker kitty who sadly passed away.

So anyway, we are going to start doing 2 scrapbook memory books for the teens.
She's going to get 2/ 12 x 12 inch screw post albums, in each, we will have layouts for each year of their lives, from birth on.
At least one two page (facing pages) layout for each year.
So what my part of the project will be is to go through all of the pictures of the teens, (there are so many!) and picking out the 2 best pictures from each year of their lives, scan them at high-res so she has the best possible images to work with, and tell her a little bit about each picture so she knows what kind of pages to make for each picture, and then I'll email the pictures and details to her, and she'll make the pages and memory books.

This is going to be a huge project for both of us, and lucky for me, Christine loves to scrapbook and she's so good at it.
She said it's a lot of fun and that she'd love to do it for me and the teens, so yeah, I'm totally taking her up on the offer.
I will be paying for the albums and any other supplies she may need to get, and if she'd take it, I'd pay her for doing it, but I know she won't take my money, but it won't stop me from trying to give it to her...LOL

So beginning tomorrow, I'm going to go dig out all of the photo albums, boxes, the suitcase, and all of the various packets of photos that I have around the house, and get started sorting them out by kid, and then I'll go through them all and find the best pictures from each year of their lives for their memory books.
This is going to be a lot of fun, but I'll bet you anything that as soon as I start going through all of the baby and younger year pictures, that I start bawling my eyes out and wondering where all of the time went.
I was looking at some pictures the other night and got all teary, so this is going to make me need to stock up on the kleenex. haha

Added some samples behind the cut of the many cards Christine has made and sent us over the years.

Continue Reading �

---

December 31, 2008

Last post of 2008.

So many bloggers out there are doing their end of the year posts, stating resolutions and goals, tallying their yearly blogging income, and all the rest of that stuff.
I don't do resolutions or make lists of my best posts of the year, and I never do blogging income posts.
I'm not going to get into what was good or bad about my blogging year, I'm not going to make a list and link back to my best posts, I'm just going to keep going.

I've been through a lot this year, but who hasn't?
I just don't see the need to dwell or beam on what has already happened, it's in the past, done and over with.
I prefer to just keep going.
I have no idea what all is in store for me and the teens in 2009 aside from another surgery.
I don't know where this blog's direction will go, I don't know anything beyond what I know right now, and right now all I know is that I will keep going.
I'll keep going and doing the day to day, I'll keep trying to be a better version of me, I'll keep trying to be a better mother to my sons, I'll keep trying to be a better friend to all of the people I care about, and I'll keep trying to just be a better human being.

That's all I know right now, and that's good enough for me.
Have a happy New Year, see ya in the morning.
Later days!

---

December 23, 2008

More xmas 2008 cards came today!

I got just a few more cards today, I love getting them, seeing what kinds of cards people choose to send.
Everyone has sent such lovely cards again this year.

I got one from Lattegirl from all the way up in Canada,
I got one from Lisa and her family, such cute kiddos she has!
And one from my Aunt Kathy, I was named after her and another aunt.
And Christine sent the teens gift cards to Best Buy because she knows how much they love shopping there, and also a card to let me know she got me a subscription to Everyday Food magazine.
That was so wicked nice of her!

I love cooking just as much as she does, although I am positive just reading some of the recipes she posts, that she is a far better cook than I am, but I watch the show on PBS when I can tune the channel in.
Sebastian also watches the cooking shows with me on PBS, he loves to see all the yummy foods they cook up, and we have even made quite a few of the recipes, so having the magazine every month will be a totally awesome and welcome addition to my cookbooks and cooking magazines that I already have.
I get the free quarterly Kraft Food & Family magazine, and we have made tons of recipes out of that one, and they now post the magazine contents online so you don't have to sign up for the magazine if you don't want to.
I like getting the hard copy though so I can just have the recipes handy right in the kitchen while I'm cooking.
But I'm sure that many, many meals will be made from the Everyday Foods magazine too, it looks like they have a ton of very easy to make meals.
Thank you Christine!

---

December 19, 2008

No Christmas cards this year.

Money is so super tight for me this year, as well as many, many other people, with the economy being what it is, and my time away from being able to work due to surgery.
Even if I got a huge chunk o' money dropped in my account tonight, I'd have to be like Sonic the Hedgehog and get all turbo-charged up to run around mail them all priority to everyone.

I feel bad that I can't send out cards this year, I always want to, I always plan to, but all my plans and wants went out the window in September and October when I had to take so much time off from blogging and working to get cut up and then recover.

But I have gotten some really awesome cards from friends and family, and friends from around the blogging world, and I love each and every one, so I want to give a shout of thanks out to all of you who sent me a card this year.
You've all been added to my list for next year, and addresses saved, so I can get a head start and (hopefully) send cards next year,

Mr. Fab,
Solonor (my blog daddy),
Robyn,
Tina,
Christine,
Jen,
Kirsi,
and
Karen,
Great Gram,
Letty,
George and Amy,
and my attorney Brad, who wrote, "Try to stay out of trouble this year."

---

December 15, 2008

Lifted spirits.

I had a very productive day, never did get to play with my Sims, my body ended up getting totally exhausted, but I got a ton of housework done that I haven't been able to do for quite awhile.
I didn't get to the table o' death, but I will do it this week, that's a promise to myself.

I really struggle to do pretty much everything since the surgery, my head placement makes doing even simple things like laundry very difficult, but after getting the news that I'll be having my revision surgery after the new year, knowing that I'm going to be reimbursed for over 2 years of over-payments, has really helped lift my spirits up.

I've been so down and hard on myself, I get so damn frustrated with how hard it is to do even the simplest of things around the house like dishes, laundry, general cleaning, hell, just reaching for my electric toothbrush on top of the medicine cabinet is difficult.
I get angry at myself, angry at how I'm stuck like this, and then I get even more mad because my house is such a mess.
I hate having people come over, I know the house is messy, the dishes piled high in the sinks, the carpets not vacuumed, stinky litter boxes that can't be cleaned by me, Sebastian has to do them, stuff and clutter everywhere, I get embarrassed to have people see it all and know that it's because of me that it's like this.
No one minds, they know how hard it is for me to do stuff, and Mindy has been so great, always helping me when she can, giving me rides, even cleaning my house for me a few times because she knows how hard it all is, but I still hate having people in here seeing all of the mess.

But today I woke up and felt really good, still had the usual physical pain, but emotionally I felt great and decided to try and do all of the things that needed to be done, that I usually cannot do due to the pain it causes and my head placement.
I started with taking the sheets off of my bed, the sheets and blanket off of the couch, and throwing those and some of the dirty towels through the wash.
I folded the load in the dryer from last night, and then started in on the dishes washing all of the plate holders, bowls, and pots and pans first, and then taking a small break before going back to switch out loads of laundry.
I ended up doing 4 loads of laundry, I got all of the dishes done, I thawed out some chicken tenders to cut up and use to make some chicken alfredo for dinner tonight, and I also did some general clutter pick up and dusting around the living room.
By the time I finished all of that, my back, legs, and neck were on fire and I knew it was time to quit.

I wanted to just chill out for the rest of the day until it was time to make dinner, by watching some mindless crap on tv.
The switch to digital is getting so much closer now, analog ends in February, but a lot of stations have already started reducing their signals.
I tried to tune in CW44 with the antenna, this usually works fine, I can usually get it clear enough to watch with no static, no flipping or blue screening, but it just would not go today, so I tried a few more channels, same, bad analog transmission.
So I hooked up the converter box and hoped for the best.
I managed to get exactly 1 station to come in with no pixelation, no "stuttering" of the sound, and no lost signal, and it was this totally crappy kids movie.
Ugh.
The switch to digital frustrates me beyond anything, I hate it, I hate the pixelation that happens, that super choppy "blocks" that show up, the stuttering of the sound, it's worse than static with the regular antenna, and it's been like this since getting the converter box months ago.
I'm extremely happy that the government paid the majority of the price for that stupid converter box, (It was $49.99, converter box coupon program paid $40 of the price) because if I had to pay for that piece of crap, I'd be seriously pissed off right now.
It DOES NOT tune in all of the channels, it DOES NOT pick up any of my local channels, even stations that have an antenna just 15 miles down Clark Road from my house.
Does it convert analog to digital?
Yes, but without some duper duper high powered antenna attached to the outside of my built in 1976 concrete walled duplex, barely any damn channels come in.
I cannot afford cable or Fios, I just can't.
That kind of money, even Comcast's really super basic cable package ($59.99 per month) is way more than I can afford, it's just not in my budget or ever going to be in my budget.
I know $60 a month isn't a lot of money to most people, but it is to me, and it's just not a necessity to have cable when analog has been perfect for this house for the last 10 years.
I am totally dreading the full switch over in February, I mean, I know people who have digital cable who suffer pixelation issues, so I know that my issues will probably never go away.
I'll be stuck with the pixelation and stuttering sound permanently after February even after the antenna I have gets installed on the outside of my house soon.
I only ever really watch a few channels, NBC, ABC, the CW, and Fox, and not a single one of those channels will come in with the converter box and antenna.
I am really hoping once the antenna gets installed outside that they will, I only watch those channels and only a few shows per week on each one, but the damn tv is like my entertainment.
I spend so much time in the house, and a lot of it is spent alone.
I usually have the tv on during the day for sound, and at night I watch a few shows on different nights of the week.
After my revision surgery, I'll be spending a lot of time laying on the couch recovering, the tv will be the only thing I can do to ease my boredom for awhile before I get permission to sit at the pc for longer than 20 minutes once every few hours, and trust me, after an hour of pixelation and stuttering sound, you'd be ready to fucking slit your wrists, rip the cords out of the wall, and throw the fucking tv and fucking stupid ass converter box out the fucking front door!
Nothing drives me more bat-shit insane than stuttering sound.
I could deal with the pixelation, I mostly just listen to tv shows, as long as I can hear it, I'm all good, but noooooo, if it starts to pixelate, the sound stutters too.
Digital tv sucks fucking ass unless you have cable, Fios, or Satellite.

Ok enough complaining.
The house is looking pretty decent, just have a little more to do and the table o' death, and then it will look ok in here again for a little while longer.

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December 13, 2008

I owe them big time!

I owe my friend Shell and her husband big time, for helping my parents out last night.
Most of New England ended up getting slammed with a massive ice storm that left hundreds of thousands of residents without power.
If there's no power, there's no heat, and my parents are elderly and live in Maine where winter time is so unbelievably cold, that you cannot stay in your house and try to stick it out until the power comes back on.

My sister called my parents who were freezing to death, so she called my brother's house, but he was also without power and out buying a generator, so she called me and asked if Shell and Ray had power.
Their power had also gone out around 2am on Friday morning, but their's had come back on sometime in the afternoon.
Ray went down to try and get my folks to come to their house, but they wouldn't go, so he said he would just keep going back and trying to convince them to leave, as well as bringing them coffee.

A few hours after Ray left, my mom called me and asked if he could go get them, it was far too cold in the house as the temps had dropped drastically in just a few hours, and it was even colder in there now than it had been.
So Ray drove down and my parents followed them in their car to his house.
They stayed there all night, refused to take the bedroom, and instead slept in the living room recliners.
At least they were in a safe place and they were warm.

As Ray was driving down there to get them, he told me he was worried about the water pipes freezing.
I told him not to mention that because if he did, my mom would have refused to leave a second time.
Even if if they had a tankless water heater, the water pipes would have been frozen, no electricity, no hot water.
I'm just so glad that Ray and Shell are always there to help my parents when they need help.
I don't know what we would have done if they hadn't had power either, the nearest shelter that still had room, was all the way down in Alfred, and I know they wouldn't have driven there.

Mom and Dad drove home this morning, the power was still out so they were making plans to go somewhere else for the night when the power came back on.
They went into the kitchen to get and take their meds, and flipped the light switch like habit, and the lights came on.
So they are back at home, safe, they have power and heat again.
I'm so relieved, and I'm so so greatful to Ray and Shell for helping them.
Mom and Dad have been "mom and dad" to Shell for more than half her life, they have always treated her as one of their kids, so anytime they need something, Shell said to just call, and they will do whatever they can.
They shovel snow for them, they do whatever my parents need and can't do, and I'm so glad and greatful they are there and able to help.
All Ray ever asks in return is for some of mom's home made goodies like her bread and muffins, and he's totally hooked on her fudge.
They never ask for or would take any money, just load them up with home made treats and that's all the thanks they need.

---

December 10, 2008

Calling calling, frogs traveling north.

Things went really well at my surgeon's office today, I am going to chill, relax, and have an awesome good Christmas because of the news today.
Yay!

Mindy drove me there this morning, and when I got out of the car all the way up in Safety Harbor, I noticed a wicked tiny tree frog had come along for the ride on the inside of the car.
I should have taken a picture of him sitting there right next to the seat handle, I had my camera with me, but I felt bad that he was now a super long way from his home in Sarasota.
I scooped him out onto my hand, and placed him on a tree at my doc's office, at least he would have grass and trees, bugs to eat, in his new far from home, home.
I thought about leaving him in the car, taking him back to Sarasota, but I figured by the time we got back here, he would have hidden himself down inside the car somewhere, and we would have never found him.
His colors blended in perfectly with the interior of her car except for a few small black spots on his back.

Now for the calling calling part of this post.

Continue Reading �

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November 9, 2008

At Funtown USA.

I am still seriously thinking about sending both of the teens to Maine for the upcoming summer so they can work at Funtown and visit with all the grandparents and other relatives, make some money, and just have a good time.
I know I would miss them terribly, and they would probably get homesick as well, but I think it would be a really good experience for them.
It would help them earn money on their own, learn to save and not spend it on junk, they'd get work experience, make new friends, and also get to spend the entire summer visiting with Ninny and Pop-pop, Great Grammy, Aunty Heather, and their cousins Helena and Michael too.
They would be with family and friends, just not with me.
My friend Shell said they can stay at her house with her and her husband Ray, and their son Michael during the week, because they live right down the road from Funtown, and then on weekends when Shell and her family go camping/hunting, they could stay with my parents (Ninny and Pop-pop) or with Great Grammy and Aunty Heather, and do all of the relative visits.

So while I'm seriously considering doing this, and the teens have both said they want to go, I'm wondering what all I would need to do to allow them to spend the whole summer away from me, the custodial parent.
Would I need to get some sort of travel medical insurance?
Would I need to get some papers notarized that would allow all of the people who would be taking care of them, permission to have them medically treated in emergency rooms?
There would be 6 people who would need permission to have them treated medically.
Ninny, Pop-pop, Shell, her husband Ray, Great Grammy, and Aunty Heather.
I would probably also need to copy, and give each person a copy, of the current child custody papers, in case an area hospital asked who the custodial parent is, where that parent is, and I'd probably need to write something up for each person that says who I am, and that I've allowed the teens to be in Maine for the whole summer, and to stay at each physical address of each person who would be taking care of them.
I honestly don't even know where to begin looking for this kind of information.
Any custodial parents ever send their kid(s) away for a month or longer, and know what I would need to do?

It's actually really important that the whole custody thing be right, copies of it to each relative who will be taking care of them, because I have full custody of the teens, and their dad only has Saturday visitation for like 6 hours, (if I'm remembering the terms of the divorce and custody stuff correctly) and both teens have already asked and made it perfectly clear, that they want absolutely nothing to do with their father while they are up there.
They do not want to see him, they do not want to speak with him, they don't want any type of family reunion type stuff where he could just show up and they'd be stuck having to interact with him.
When this idea of them going up there for the whole summer and getting a job there first came up, that was the first thing Mark asked me, demanded I find out actually, because he does not want to see their father at all, wants nothing to do with him.
He said he would like to finally meet all of his half siblings, but not if dad was bringing them to meet.
Mark said it would be cool if Great Grammy and Aunty Heather could get all of the siblings together for an afternoon visit, but no dad.
Mark said if it can't be promised that dad will not be allowed anywhere near them, that he will not go to Maine at all.
So I need to get all of that figured out, promised, and then try to get all of the other legal and medical stuff figured out before spring arrives.
I know, not even winter yet, but if the teens are going to work at Funtown, they would need to apply online by early spring, get all of their references and housing situation stuff sorted out too.

So yeah, any custodial parents send their kids away for a month or longer, and know what kind of legal paperwork I would need to get taken care of?
Thanks for any help you can provide me!

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November 8, 2008

Almost done with the AC wall.

Mindy and her husband Chris came back over today to finish the wall where the AC goes.
Chris tore down all of the old rotted drywall, and installed new drywall, and then next week they'll come back, do the sanding, and then it will be all ready to paint.
My sister has tons of paint leftover from panting her house, the colors are really nice, and so we'll paint my living room an all new color, probably the warm golden beige she has.

I can hardly wait, it's going to look so nice in here and the new AC unit is sill keeping the house really cool, it's not leaking inside the house at all like the old unit did, and it's just really super nice.
Maybe once everything is all done, I'll get another set of wood blinds like I have on the front window, or maybe some bamboo blinds in the same dark cherry color as the wood blinds, (I like to mix up patterns and textures) and put them on the other living room window on the side of the house.
They need to be dark colored and easy to close up tightly, because that side of the house gets blasted with the afternoon sunshine.
I actually have cardboard in that window as a way of keeping the sun out, and it acts sort of like an insulator.
It keeps the cold AC in, and the hot Florida sun out.

I took some pics of the work Chris did today.
This is the wall right after they took down all of the old rotted drywall, you can see the cinder block of the house.

This is the wall with the new drywall up and spackled.
Next week, Chris said he's going to come back and sand it all down, and then we can paint, which my sister said she'd come do because I can't do it yet.

While Chris and Jeff (their son) did the wall work, Mindy was cleaning my kitchen and bathroom.
She did my dishes even after I told her twice not to do them, but she did it anyway.
I really can't thank Mindy and Chris enough for all of this work and help they have been doing for me.
I really needed the AC fixed, I get so hot from some of the meds I take, and it's been really difficult trying to keep up with the general house cleaning.
I simply can't do all of it like I want to, heck, I can't even clean off the table of death.

That's right, I didn't even touch it the whole time they were here.
Instead of cleaning off the table, I took that time to enter in all of the codes for the Pepsi points.
I have 84 points leftover after getting 1 DVD, and I just need 6 more points to get another DVD.
But with Pepsi points ending on December 31st, I may not be able to find 6 more codes unless I buy 6 individual 20oz bottles, because Pepsi stopped making 12 packs which had codes worth 2 points each.
Yup, Pepsi stopped making 12 packs, and now make 8 packs which cost the same as a 12 pack, and new 18 packs which cost the same as two 12 packs used to cost.
If they keep shrinking the sizes of their packages and upping the prices, I'll just switch to Diet Coke permanently.
I LOVE Diet Pepsi, I prefer it over Coke any day of the week, but I hate being ripped off.
Charging the same price of a 12 pack for the new 8 packs, 4 cans short, is not cool at all.
Ya hear me Pepsico?
It is not nice to rip off your customers this way.
We don't like the new 8 packs at all, they suck.

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November 3, 2008

It's clean again!

The landlord finally found the clog and cleaned it all out, and then the clean-up in the house began.
The teens and I started picking up all of the towels, moved my bedroom dresser to get all the water out from underneath it, mopped the floors, and started running all the towels through the washer with hot water and double laundry soap.
Twice.

Mindy made the mistake of saying she'd come clean the tub for me, so I took her up on that.
She came over with some of the all green natural cleaning products that she uses for her cleaning company, and within minutes my tub was spotless and smelling oh so clean again.

It looks so good in there! And it smells awesome too!
The cleaning supplies she uses actually work really awesome compared to some of the "green cleaners" that are sold in stores.
Like that Clorox green cleaner, blah, doesn't work good at all.
But Mindy's stuff works awesome.
It actually removed the soap scum that was in my tub buried underneath the septic sludge.

So thank you Mindy for coming over and helping me by cleaning the tub.
It helped me so so much.
The teens could have done it, but they are boys and I would have had to go in and do it after them. hahaha
Mindy saved my back from bending over to do that when I had already been bent over for 24 hours sopping up wet towels and trying to clean up all the water messes that had happened.

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October 30, 2008

Perfect weather to go and meet the Mouse.

One of my longest known blogging friends, Kate, and her family, are coming here to Florida tomorrow for the Disney vacations they have been planning for a long, long time.

The weather here is going to be so perfect for their vacation.
It's not going to be scalding hot while waiting in the ride lines, and it won't be bitterly cold here either.
They're from New Jersey, so the weather will feel so good to them, they will probably even feel like wearing shorts because of how nice the weather is going to be.
Just take a look at the extended forecast for the week they will be here.

I really wish I was physically feeling better and had a way to get up there to meet with her, it would be the first time we would have met face to face.
I've been blogging with her, emailing, chatting, and even talked to her by phone a few times, for like 8 years now I think?
Yeah, a long, long time knowing her.
It's ok that we won't get to meet, it's their vacation and I know they are going to have an absolute blast here especially with the weather being so nice while they are here.

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October 28, 2008

Wii and cheeseburgers.

Mark called me from school today to ask if he could go to his friend Jeff's house after they got out, and if Jeff's grandmother could give Sebastian a ride home.
I said yes to both, and so Mark went to his friend's house, and Sebastian came home.
When he got here, I needed him to run up to the ATM for me and get me $20 because I have to go take care of some stuff tomorrow.
So he went and did that, I let him buy himself a soda and a snack for doing it, and then he played some video games for a couple of hours before our old duplex neighbor called.

Bobby (my ex-neighbors son) wanted Sebastian to come to his house and help him install WoW on their computer, do some of the updates after the initial install, teach him how to do the rest of the updates, and while they are waiting, play some games on his new Wii.

My old neighbor, Letty, loves to play the scratch-off lottery cards when she has the extra money, so yesterday she had $10.00, so she bought a $10.00 scratch-off and won $1,000.00.
Yup, $1,000.00.
That's not the first time she's won big money on those things either.
One time, she bought 1 of the $20.00 holiday cards, it was last Christmas, and she won $2,000.00.
She's won anywhere from $1.00 all the way up to $2,000.00 on scratch-off lottery cards.
Every single time she buys a card, she wins something, I've never seen her get a bad card in the years I've known her now.

So anyway, she won $1,000.00 yesterday, and because Bobby has been wanting a console game for the longest time, all he's ever had is one of the first generation PS2s, and she bought it at a yard sale, it only worked for a couple of months before it died, so she asked him what system he'd like to have, he said a Wii, so she bought him a Wii.
It was a pretty good deal too.
She went to Wal-Mart where they have all kinds of video game bundle deals for Christmas, so she got the Wii and a whole bunch of games and different controllers in the bundle pack for a little over $500.00 she said, because she also got another Wii fit game for them to play.
Letty said she was so happy that he chose the Wii console because when they were at a friend's house for dinner one night a few weeks ago, they all played their Wii after dinner, and she absolutely loved the Wii fit games, she could actually play them and it made her feel good to be active and having fun, so now that they have one, she can do some "exercise" and play video games with Bobby.
There are no kids at all in that neighborhood for him to play with, so now she can play with him, he won't be quite so bored anymore, she won't have to listen to him say he's bored, and she won't feel bad that she moved him away from Mark and Sebastian, he misses them so much she said.
I told her once again that he's welcome here on the weekends, he can come spend the whole weekend anytime he wants to, and vice-versa, Sebastian can go there too, which is what they are going to do this coming weekend.
Sebastian is going to help him finish the WoW installation if he hasn't completed by then, teach him how to set it up right, and give him some of his gold, and teach him how to be a gold farmer or something like that.
I have no idea, I don't play the game.

Later on when she was bringing Sebastian home, it was about 8 o'clock or so, Sebastian called and asked what Mark and I wanted from McDonald's, (Mark had come home around 7pm) and I told Sebastian that I didn't have money to spend on hamburgers, I have to do other stuff with my pay this week, and he said no mommy, (he still calls me mommy..LoL) Letty said it's her treat and she won't take no for an answer, so what do you want?
I could hear Letty in the background saying "Tell your mom if she doesn't tell me what her and Mark want, I'll just get them what you tell me they like to eat. I'm not taking no for an answer, we're already in the drive-thru line so she better hurry up or they're both gonna get quarter pounders!"
So I said ok ok! and told Sebastian what we wanted, and about 10 minutes later, they were here, and that's when she told me about buying the Wii and all that, and then her and Bobby went home, we ate, the teens took the trash to the curb, played video games, and I watched Gossip Girl and One Tree Hill and stuff.

But it was wicked nice of her to buy us Mcky D's and have Sebastian over her house most of the afternoon and evening.
The teens are in bed sound asleep, it's after 1am, and I'm still wide awake.
Insomnia again.
I never frigging sleep.

---

October 18, 2008

At least the teens aren't bored.

The teens are totally thrilled and thoroughly addicted to the WoW, but they are being good and sticking to the chores they all agreed to.
It's been a long day today, just total boredom on my end, but at least they aren't torturing me saying how bored they are.

Next weekend, they will be members of the local teenage free for hire/will work for food, moving companies to help Mindy and her family move into their new house.
Mindy has been like my personal helper for months now, she's taken me to like a gazillion doctors appointments, took me to my surgery, stayed there the entire day through all of it, made phone calls, and cleaned my house, took me shopping, her and her husband spent several weekends repairing and installing a new ac, all kinds of stuff, so my teens can spend a day or two, however it works out, helping them move.
I only wish I could help too, but I can't.
But once I get to a point where I can do stuff, I will have to do something to repay all of the help and kindness they have shown me and my family.

I guess in need to get cracking on those teens right now about dinner.
They need to go hit up the store for some food stuffs.

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October 12, 2008

It was a kid filled weekend.

On Friday afternoon, Bobby, the boy who used to live next door to us in the duplex, called and when Sebastian answered the phone, he asked if he could speak to me.
I hopped on and said hey Bobby, what's up?
He said, "Hey Kat, I was wondering, I was hoping anyway, that maybe I could come over and spend the night? Would that be ok?"
I said of course, you're always welcome here, we miss you guys.
And it is true, I do miss them, Bobby and his mom anyway.
Despite all of the drama and problems during the 4 years they lived right next door, he and his mom were good people deep down, they tried to be anyway.

He told me he had to go help his mom do some shopping and then he'd be over.
When he got here, he told us that he and his mom hate the new house, he hates it the most.
There are no kids at all in the neighborhood, not even babies or toddlers, no older kids, no one at all for him to play with, and how much he misses the teens even though they used to get into fights all of the time.
I told him again that he was welcome here, he can come back on the weekends and spend the night, no biggie.
He was so happy.

So the teens and he laughed and played all night, and then on Saturday, Mark went with his Big George, and Mindy was taking me grocery shopping and to get my meds, so we took Sebastian and Bobby with us to help pick up all the heavy stuff that I can't.
We got back home and pulled in the driveway, and Mark and George pulled in right behind us, so now I had 3 teenagers to help carry all of the groceries in the house.
Yay!

Sebastian and Bobby were having so much fun, they asked if he could spend the night again, I said yes, and so they all continued playing and having fun.
But having 3 teenage boys in the house means that it's loud, very loud, so I didn't get any rest at all, no lay down time on the couch for me, and both nights I had terrible insomnia.
I'm completely wiped out today, probably why I screwed up and posted the post below to this blog and not my other one.
I've been doing so good keeping my health issues off of this blog, but after so many years logging in here to blog, mixed with tired, I just started posting here again.
I would have deleted it, but the RSS had already picked it up, so I just left it.
Oh well.

Bobby went back home this morning, and he gave me a hug before he left.
There was a small hint of sadness in his eyes, he really does miss the boys, miss living here, and I think he finally realizes that all of the lying he did, all of the problems he created between his mom and me, may have played a really big part in his family moving away, he's really a different kid, more helpful, more kind, more mature.

Also, having 3 loud teens all weekend, made me unable to keep up with blog feeds and stuff, so I'm trying now to go through them all.
All 358 of them that came in since 3:20pm on Friday afternoon.
Yowza.

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October 12, 2008

Sorry, that's not covered.

My surgeon sent me a new pain script, so I needed to go get it filled.
I went on line to the site for my drug coverage insurance to make sure it was covered, and it wasn't on the list, so I called the 800-number.
It is the same pain med I take now, but a higher strength. Same name, just a higher dose.
They do not cover it at all, they said nope, but my doc said to switch to this one so I had to go get it, and that meant paying out of pocket.

I've paid out of pocket for this med before, the lower dose, and it really wasn't bad at all.
It was like $60 something for 90 pills, so I was thinking the higher dose, less pills, 60 of them, it would be about the same price.
Oh how wrong I was.

Mindy took me down to the Publix that has a pharmacy, and I put in my script for it and we went shopping.
I came back to get it, and the cashier said $239.80.
My jaw nearly fell, but I paid it, I had to get it, so I paid it.

On Monday, I'm going to call my insurance and ask them why they won't cover it, why I have to go to different pharmacies, because Walgreen's that has my insurance on file, the employees will tell me over and over again that it's not covered, and they won't let me pay cash for it, so I have to go to Publix and pay cash.
It sucks.
I mean, why the hell won't they cover the higher dose!?
What is it!?
A class 30 drug?
A schedule 5?
A CAT5e to the finite narcotic?!
It's only 5mg stronger than the old pain med, same name, only 5mgs stronger, I do not understand why they won't cover it.
Paying that much is simply not right.
I'm going to have to talk to my surgeon about it because I cannot pay that amount every single month.
No way.

Continue Reading �

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October 5, 2008

Tribes and weighty stuff.

I read a lot of blogs, married people blogs, political blogs, funny people, depressed people, and a ton of single mom/parent blogs.
One thing has been talked about briefly on some of the single mom blogs, but almost all of the single mom blogs talk about it.
What is that thing?
Tribes.

What?
What is a tribe?
Why do single moms need tribes?
Why are all these single moms part of tribes?
Is tribe just another word for group of friends?
Seriously, the way it's used when they talk about it, it makes it sound like, to me, that a tribe is just another way of saying friends.
But if I'm wrong, please enlighten me.
Tell me what a tribe is and why I should have one, or be a part of one, or is this some new thing that single moms are doing to make themselves feel not so alone.

I'm 38, I have 2 teenage sons.
Mark is 17, Sebastian is 15, and I've been a single mom, doing it alone, for the last 15 years now.
Since 1997, I've been online blogging, writing it all out, connecting with other people, sharing my life with whoever stops by here and reads it all, and I've found that the "alone" feeling so many single moms feel, isn't there for me.
I am never alone really, I have so many friends here on the internet that I share with, connect with, talk to, that I do not feel alone like so many other single moms feel, and that's the reason they have these things called tribes.
I think.
Look above, I may be wrong, probably am wrong, on the whole definition of a tribe.
So if one of you single moms who is part of a tribe or knows what a tribe is would like to tell me what it is, that would be awesome.
Thanks.

I've blogged a lot about my need/desire to lose weight and my inability to exercise normally due to my spine fusion surgeries, and I was contacted by a company that makes weight loss supplements and diet pills, and asked if I would be interested in trying out a new system for losing weight.
Considering that my body is no longer normal, no longer moves the way pretty much everyone else moves, I said sure, why not.
I had to stop taking the weight loss product I was using and having good results with, before my surgery so that I'd not have any problems during the surgery, and even though I lost weight while in the hospital and since the surgery, I'm still interested in losing weight.
I still have excess weight on me, pounds that need to come off, and this product is said to be unlike any other, so yeah, I'm game.
They are going to send me a 6 month supply, 2 month supply at a time, for free, as long as I post my results good, bad, or whatever, on my blog.
I'll do it on KatScan because that is where I'm doing all of my health and personal stuff, and trying to keep this one for just mommy/kid/home stuff.
So when it gets here, I'll post starting weight, goal weight, and all about this new product on KatScan, and if you want to follow that progress, I'll occasionally link it from here.

Almost 1 month out from surgery and my insomnia has returned.
I was dead dog tired the first 2-3 weeks, and now I'm right back being wide awake at almost 2am again.
What the hell is wrong with my body clock?

---

October 1, 2008

Do it for the boobies!

The 7th annual boobiethon has begun, and even though I can't help out this year doing photo-editing, I can still spread the word.
So head on over to the boobiethon and give what you can!

---

August 6, 2008

School schedule pick-up day.

Good morning!
It's been awhile since I've posted this early in the morning eh?!
Today is school schedule pick-up day, so we all have to get up early despite the late hours we all kept las night.
I think it's going to hurt them a whole lot more than it hurts me, I'm used to not getting more than a few hours of sleep.

We'll be heading up to the school with Mindy and her son Jeff, getting their schedules, and then getting back here because I have a lot of things to do that I've been putting off for a few days.
I have work to complete, a house to clean, dishes to finally do.
I just haven't felt like doing much of anything, and now I have to do all of it because I have a lot of things to take care of.
I'm hoping that some partial supply lists will be laying around by a few teachers too.
I hate not knowing what they need until the first week of school, and I might be a bit busy with a lot of different things.

---

July 17, 2008

I wish I had taken my camera!

Mindy came to pick me up this morning for my doctor's appointment, and her daughter Katie started telling me about the car that was stuck in the ditch.
I know this happens all the time on my street, but usually I see the people do it and then attempt to get it out of the ditch.

So we rode back down the way they came so I could see the car.
The people must have had a party last night and one of their guests drove head first into the ditch, and the car is still there.
Hopefully no one got hurt, or they might end up needing some type of Chicago personal injury lawyers or something to go after the city.

The ditches on my street are really deep, about 4 feet deep, because the city comes along and digs them deeper every summer so the rain doesn't get backed up and flood the street.
I've seen tons of cars end up in the ditches over the last 10 years living here.
I've seen drunks swerve and end up in them and then try to get them back out before the cops show up.
I once had one of the elementary school lunch ladies end up in the one right in front of my house after she took out my mailbox with her car.
She was plastered at 4 in the afternoon!
She was trying to get her car out, spinning her wheels, it's not like you can just back up and get your car out, it actually has to be towed out.
She was crying, trying to push her car, I offered to call a tow truck for her and she said no because they'd call the cops on her.
I had to tell her it was too late, the cops had already been called.
She started yelling at me, and I was all hold on lady, it wasn't me, it was my cranky ass neighbor, and she was just screaming and freaking out.

The cops did show up and arrested her because she was hammered, and I look over and my neighbor Bill, he's dead now, is standing in his doorway, shorts on, no shirt, chest all covered in scars from his multiple heart surgeries, with this big smile on his face and a moon pie in his hand.
That guy was never happy unless someone else was miserable.

---

July 3, 2008

It's a bit of a challenge.

First, I just want to give a screaming loud shout of thanks to Christine for installing MT version 4.12 for me over on my new blog.
It still doesn't have a name yet, but battles were never won in just a few short hours!

I swear, getting a whole new blog and an upgraded CMS, is like buying tons and tons of discount furniture and trying to cram it all into a tiny little house.
You just had to have it because the price was so dang good, but now it's going to take a few days to fit it all in the house the right way.
Version 4.12 is not like the version of MT this blog uses.
This one is still using 3.35, and I'm completely used to it, it's like a perfect fitting glove.
4.12 does things a whole lot different, and it's going to take me a few days, or a few weeks, to get the hang of just what it is they've done with everything.
For the life of me, I cannot switch up the sidebars.
I messed with it for like 2 hours I think, and got nowhere.
Oh well.
I will have plenty of time tomorrow to learn things.

Sebastian decided to go home with my sister tonight because Matthew has invited him back over to play again tomorrow, and it's just easier for Jo to take him home with her, than it is to try and pick him up really early in the morning again.
He will be home tomorrow night though.

Mark and I went and did the shopping, ate dinner, and watched a bit of tv, and now he's playing his video games again.
It's all good, he earned that play time tonight.
He picked up, carried, and put away all the heavy stuff from shopping, and then he changed out the litter boxes, took out the trash and recycles without me asking him to do any of it, so yeah, play on young man, play on!

Ok, I really need to go catch up on some work and stuff, and then maybe try and learn some more new stuff.
Later days!

---

July 2, 2008

We're all busy tomorrow!

I was getting ready to head out right after dinner to do a little grocery shopping and to stop at Walgreen's for a few things, and to see if they had any lipovox so I could check out the ingredients after one the girls on the local forums posted about taking it and it's helping her lose weight, and just as I grabbed my purse, it started down-pouring.
It figures.
I'll just have to try again tomorrow after I get home from the doctors.

Sebastian will be gone all day tomorrow, he's going to work with my sister so he can spend the day with his friend Matthew again.
Matthew is the brother of the boy Greg, that my sister takes care of.
Sebastian and Matthew get along so well, they both like the same video games, the Sims, and Cary (Matthew and Greg's mom) takes them to the mall and let's them go to the movies and stuff.
The two boys always have such a good time together, so I never say no when Matthew asks if he can go over.
It's up to Cary and my sister, but they hardly ever say no.
I'm just glad that Sebastian has a really good friend he can go do things with this summer.
Things in the neighborhood haven't been so good over the last few weeks.
I can't remember if I posted about that yet or not, but I'll check my archives and if not, I'll post about that later.

Mark is going with his Big George tomorrow at 11am, so when I get back and he gets back, I'll take him to the store with me.
I have to have someone go with me because I can't lift the bags of cat litter and cat food, etc.
And then we'll just cab it back and he can carry all the heavy stuff in, and help me put it away.
Mark isn't a fan of grocery shopping, but he has no choice tomorrow.
Heh.

I wanted to also tell you all to go check out my sister's blog.
It's called Jo's Mojo, and even though she doesn't post often, she does post some pretty cool stuff.
She's getting better at blogging each time she posts. (she'll get the blogging bug, everyone does )
You just have to go see what her and my niece Susan are doing!
It's a little project for a plant nursery so she can make a few bucks when the neighborhood she lives in has this HUGE community yard sale, and as a way to do fun and crafty things with the girls.
Go check it out, she took some awesome pictures of their progress step by step.
Most of the pictures are clickable for bigger so you can really see the stuff.
Check out the mean faced tree!
My niece Susan just loves to do stuff like that, she loves to be helpful, and she is just too darn cute in some of those pictures!

---

June 29, 2008

Migraines are truly the suck.

We had a really good time at Mindy's house yesterday afternoon and evening.
Good food, conversation, the kids all played video games while Mindy and I chatted and her husband leveled up on WoW.
I was way stiffened up by the time we got home, and laid down for about an hour or so, then I got up and dealt with emails and stuff.

I woke up this morning with a migraine from hell, and have been fighting it unsuccessfully all day and night now.
So seeing as I was defeated, I just laid around and watched movies for most of the day interspersed with going back and forth with a Bill Keller fan on a websites posting section.
There's nothing more fun than knowing more about the scriptures than the people who claim to live by them.
You all do know that no preacher is supposed to receive any pay for preaching the word of god right right?
Look it up, Corinthians 9:18.
The Keller fan has been refusing to acknowledge that little part of the new testament.
Keller has an income of $1million dollars at the end of the year, yet he tells his flock and tv viewers, that he only takes $60k as a salary.
He's a liar and a fraud, and it's time people start learning the truth about this very corrupt tv minister.

So anyway, today we watched the movie Funny Games (2008).
I just want to warn you that this remake starring Naomi Watts and Eli Roth, is absolute garbage.
I don't give a crap that it's a social commentary on our obsession with media violence, when at the crucial moment of the film, the bad guy picks up the tv remote and rewinds the movie to change the outcome, that's a complete waste of freaking time.

But we did watch a movie that we all really liked on Friday night, Otis, starring Jere Burns, Illeana Douglas, Daniel Stern, Kevin Pollak and Ashley Johnson.

After being captured and tortured by the psychopath Otis (Bostin Christopher), teen cheerleader Riley Lawson (Ashley Johnson) escapes and informs her parents (Daniel Stern and Illeana Douglas), who quickly sidestep the sluggish FBI and take matters into their own hands. But the Lawson's revenge plan hit a snag when Otis's unusual brother (Kevin Pollak) enters the picture. Jere Burns co-stars as the FBI agent assigned to the case.

This was a true dark comedy, so over the top, violence, language, sick demented humor.
Illeana Douglas was just awesome as the mom, a true mama wolf wanting to protect her baby daughter, and Daniel Stern as the father who's a little bit on the timid side, but deep down enjoys taking revenge on the kidnapper who may have de-flowered his baby girl.
It was a bloody good time!

I suppose I should get back to work now.
I have some stuff I need to do before I can go to bed.
I hope when I wake up in the morning this migraine has left.
It feels like my right eyeball is going to pop out any second.

---

June 27, 2008

Coral and over cast.

My medical tests went off without a hitch, and much faster than the estimate they had given me.
They said it would take any where from 2.5 hours, to a possible 4+ hours.
I went in at 10:30am, and was out by 12:15pm.
I really, really liked the seated/open MRI machine.
That was awesome.
They had a huge flat panel tv in the room with it, it was on the Fox news channel, *gag* but eh, it was better than nothing.
They did my neck MRI first, then I had to sit sorta sideways while they did the shoulder MRI.
Then I went in for the CT, and when it was done I went out and waited for Mindy to pick me up.

Then we stopped off at Publix really quick so I could get the cat food, toilet paper, paper plates and trash bags I didn't go get yesterday.
Just as I was heading out the door yesterday afternoon to go, it started raining a little bit.
Rather than risk getting soaked, I just waited.

I took the above picture while waiting at the medical park for Mindy.
These bushes of flowers were all over the place, and they were just so pretty and bright in today's over cast skies.
I love that beautiful coral color of the flowers.
I have no idea what kind they are, but they are just really pretty I think.

I barely got any sleep last night, perhaps 3 hours, my alarm never went off, so I woke with a quick-start panic to my day.
Mindy's clocks at her house were all off by like 20 minutes, so she was running late as well.
We had a good laugh about that though.
It's kinda funny that we both were totally screwed up this morning.

Tomorrow, both our families will be getting together to spend some time hanging out.
Maybe the beach in the morning, a little bbq in the afternoon.
The teens can all drive each other crazy playing video games.
It'll be nice to be leaving the house to do something fun, rather than the usual leaving the house to go do sucky stuff like doctor's office visits.
I need a just take it easy kind of day.
I'm always doing stuff, so it will be really nice to just chill out for a few hours.

Well, off to try and catch up on all my blog and forum reading and stuff I do with those.
Later days.

---

June 27, 2008

This internet is a crazy thing.

A friend of mine on the local forums, messaged me tonight to say thank you.
She said that during all of her recent health issues, all of the pain she deals with, and all the emotions that come from living with chronic and debilitating pain, she had a really bad day a few weeks ago, and I was the only one who responded to her very frustrated post where she was ranting about it all.

She said she had been sitting there that day, was in so much pain, just wanted it all to end, and was seriously considering swallowing all of her pain medications at once and just going to sleep to never wake up again.
Because I replied, because I understood what she deals with and took the time to talk to her, she changed her mind.
"I never wanted to say that I was suicidal before but obviously there were times when I was. And you were the one there one day when I was so close to downing all my pills. You were the voice of reason and you made me feel like I wasn't alone for once.
So for that, I sincerely thank you."

I didn't reply to her that day with the thought of changing her mind, her post said nothing about what she was really thinking, it was just one of those posts where someone rants about how frustrating living with chronic pain is, and I replied because I do understand that.
I deal with it every single day of my life, and years ago, I had those same kinds of thoughts myself.
I didn't say that in her thread, I just talked about living with chronic pain, the medications I take, doctors appointments, the frustration of it all.
It was, I thought, just two people sharing a shared experience.
I had no idea that our conversation was saving her.

When I got her message tonight, I started crying.
I couldn't help it, I thought about how close I was to losing a friend, and what if I hadn't been on line that day, what if no one at all had responded to her, and that I was so happy to read that she had changed her mind.

This internet is a crazy thing huh?
It connects us to fun and games, music, movies, blogs, forums, all kinds of cool and interesting things to do and see, and most importantly, it connects us to other people and has an effect on those people we meet.

Her message still has me shaken up a bit even though it's been several hours now.
I could have lost a friend if I had not been on line that day, and that really is shaking me up.
I am so glad she is still here, so so glad, but wow, this box sitting on my desk, it's more than a toy I play my Sims on, it's more than a keyboard I do work on, it connects me to people in a way I've never experienced before tonight.

---

June 16, 2008

Contest deadline extended for Regalo Boutique.

My friend Mindy and her husband Chris, own an on line store called Regalo Boutique, and they are having a contest for a new sales announcement header for their summer sale.

You have until Wednesday to submit your headliners and the voting will take place this Thursday with the deadline to vote for your favorite until 11:59 p.m. EST.

The Grand Prize: Will have their headliner used in the Summer Sale and will receive their choice of Regalo Boutique (RB) merchandise totaling $50.00.
First Runner Up: Their choice of R.B. merchandise totaling up to $35.00.
Second Runner Up: Their choice of R.B. merchandise totaling up to $20.00.

Regalo Boutique has so many awesome items, and all you have to do to win FREE items, is submit a text header announcement for their summer sale.
Go check out her blog to see the examples that have been done so far, and then submit yours!

I would really like to enter, but I don't want to enter and possibly be chosen as the winner, and have someone say that I only won because Mindy and I are friends ya know?
I want it to be as fair as possible, but if voters choose mine, someone may claim it's not fair.
Mindy and Chris want me to enter because they like my writing style and think I could enter a good one, but I don't want anyone to think anything bad of Mindy and Chris, or me.
Understand?
Maybe what I'll do is just submit an entry anyway, but not actually be part of the contest, just give them more options to choose from without having to award me any prize.

But YOU!
You all need to go enter!
These are great prizes, they are awesome quality and beautiful, you just have to enter!
Go! Go now and enter to win some awesome stuff of your choosing from Regalo Boutique!

---

June 13, 2008

Probably a pinched nerve in my neck.

I went and saw my surgeon today, Doc M., and he did a few xrays, physically examined my shoulder, and told me that the shoulder blade area pain is probably due to a pinched nerve in my neck, and it's actually not that uncommon.
He said that he has had patients, and has been at scoliosis conventions with other surgeons, who said that many scoliosis surgical patients end up at some point down the line, even as far out as 5 years after the surgery, with a pinched nerve in their necks that is the cause of this pain in the shoulder blade area.
He ordered an MRI of my neck, so I need to make that appointment on Monday.
It should be fun.
I'll have to wear this like anti-magnet sheet or suit, depending on where I go, that allows me to be in the MRI machine without being all magneticy due to the hardware in my body.
He also asked for my pain doc to fax him the results of the CT scan that they did, so he can read through those and see if he can determine anything from it.
If not, he thinks the MRI will show the pinched nerve in my neck.

Now why do I have that sore on my shoulder blade?
He asked me what I had been doing to myself, I told him nothing really, it was just a little red and bruised when this whole thing started, and then my pain doc started doing those trigger point injections.
I had 1 injection per week for 3 weeks.
Doc M. believes that the sore was actually caused by those injections.
When I told him that 1 was Decadron, 1 was Decadrol, and 1 was an anti-inflammatory mixed with a steroid, he said that those injections are more than likely the cause of the sore.
He said I must be allergic to at least 1 of the ingredients in the injections, and it caused the sore to appear.
Then every time he did 1, it caused the area to get worse until it finally ended up being a full blown infection.
So he told me to tell the pain doc, no more trigger point injections of any kind, because we don't know which ingredient it is that is causing the allergy.
That works for me!
Those injections never helped me with the pain anyway.

I should have gone to see my surgeon when this whole thing started, instead of trusting my pain doc to be able to figure this out.
When I told Doc M. what happened at the ER, he was angry.
He said that doctor should have examined the area and realized it was infected, which was also causing the area to be more sore than just the pinched nerve, and not treat me like I had a heart attack.
He said the EKG was as far as they should have gone, especially after telling them I already have a blood clot filter in there.
I had that put in about a week before the surgery, and when they did the angiogram, they could have damaged it.
But luckily they didn't.
He was able to see that it's still in place and ok when he did a spot xray on my iliac (hip joint) screws.
The left side one, which is the broken one, is doing ok.
I have new bone growth, a lot of it he said, growing all over and around, and in between the broken part of the screw, which is helping it be stable.
He really doesn't want to take those iliac screws out for a few more years, or never, if we can help it.
So he said we'll keep checking on it periodically to see how it's doing, and if the screws are still causing me pain in another year or 2, then we can take them out.
He'd really prefer not to though, because those screws really do help hold all the hardware in place.

So here we go, a pinched nerve is possibly and probably, the reason why my shoulder blade is so painful, and the sore is an infection caused by an ingredient in one of the trigger point injections.
I totally should have just gone straight to him.
I would have saved myself a ton of money, time, and pain.
That's my fault, I spent 2 months in pain and getting an infection, when he had the answers all along.
Ok, gotta go call the pain doc and have him fax over the CT scan results.
I'll catch up with everyone later on this evening.

Thanks again to Mindy and her daughter Katie, for taking me all the way there, and to 2 different pharmacies when we got back.
I totally appreciate it.
Thank you!

---

June 11, 2008

Remember Wednesday June 11th 2008.

It's time for another round of Remember Wednesday, a new-ish weekly music meme that Jade started.

This week is all about the Journey.
I've always been a big fan of their music, they are a solid rock band.
Each member a master of his instrument, and when combined, they all come together with an amazing sound.

Back in the early 90's, my friend Shell and I would go down town, down to the beach clubs like Mr. Goodbar's, (where they still play) and a few other bars and clubs, and see a local band called Riot Act.
Riot Act was one of those good-time bands, they played some of their music, but they mostly played covers for the tourist crowds who came in to hear rock music they knew and loved.
Guns n' Roses, Whitesnake, Bon Jovi, 80's rock songs mostly, but nothing got the crowd going like when they would play covers of Journey.

The lead singer, Johnny, just had the voice that could pull off a damn good interpretation of Steve Perry.
Put his voice with the very talented members of the band, plus a good Journey hit like "Don't Stop Believin', Send her My Love, or Faithfully, and the crowd would eat it up, the place would be filled, over capacity on most nights, and it was guaranteed that you would have a good time.
They did an amazing cover of Separate Ways, one of my personal favorites of Journey, and wow, it was always so awesome to hear it played live, you'd get goosebumps when Johnny hit those high and long notes.
Shell and I would make a point of being there whenever Riot Act played, or as often as we could.
The both of us were young mothers of young toddlers, but we'd get a babysitter and head on down to the beach for our one night of fun and music, after a long week of taking care of kids and working, and Shell going to college.
We could let loose, and hang out with our friends, have a good time and just rock out with Johnny and the guys.
I think at one point, both of us actually worked at one of the clubs they played at.
I was a waitress at the Whitehall, and I believe Shell was a the only female bouncer at Goodbars.
It was a good time, good memories of being with a good friend.
So here is my Remember Wednesday song for this week, Separate Ways by Journey.

If you decide to play along, make sure you go to this week's post on Jade's blog, and leave a comment so other music lovers this week can come read about your music memories too!

---

June 11, 2008

Still no idea what it is.

I just got back from my pain doc appointment a little bit ago.
The pain doc is till not sure what it is, and is very glad I'm seeing my surgeon on Friday.
He said no matter what it turns out to be, call his office, and tell one of his nurses when I get home from that appointment.
I'm still banned from doing any ellipticals workouts until we know what it is, but amazingly, even without working out, I've lost some weight.
I told him it's not that amazing, I've been sick the last few days.
When you're vomiting and the smell of food makes your stomach turn so much you can't eat, it's pretty damn easy to lose weight.

But I am doing better today.
I've been taking it so easy the last few days and having the teens put staphaseptic on the red spot, so I was able to eat last night and today.
Mindy drove me again, and we took her daughter Katie, and Sebastian.
When we got done at the docs, I had promised Katie that if she was good and patient while waiting for me, that I would treat her to McDonald's for lunch.
But when we got out, it was still too early for lunch, so we went to Best Buy and bought Sebastian the graphics card he needed for his computer.
He had most of the money in a gift card he got for his birthday from his Aunt Heather, and I paid the balance.
Then we got to McD's, and ate, then came home.

I installed his graphics card, and then he installed the rest of his Sims games, and now he's a happy camper.
I'm way tired, and need to rest for a little bit, and then I have a lot of catching up to do.
Later days.

---

June 5, 2008

Take it easy, we oughta take it easy.

We ended up not going to Mindy's for dinner tonight, I had a rough day adjusting to the meds.
It's been about 2 years, since the surgery actually, since I've taken any oxys, and they hit me hard today.
Between how hot it was, and how strong they are, my stomach was doing the ol' back flip and making me nauseous all day.
They are helping with the pain, taking the edge off so I can actually pee without crying, but I've spent most of the day laying down on the couch.
I'm sorry Mindy, once I get adjusted to them and my shoulder starts feeling better, we will do dinner.

Did any of you watch Fear Itself on NBC tonight?
Tonight's first episode was called The Sacrifice, and it was about vampires.

I actually liked this, and it gives me hope that future episodes will be good too.
It reminds me of the old Twilight Zone or Outer Limits shows that used to be on.
Every week, a new story.
Next week's episode is called In Sickness and In Health, the episode guide says it's about a private investigator is driven over the edge while on a stake out in a haunted mansion, and it stars Eric Roberts as the PI.
All of the episodes are written and directed by some big name directors and writers like John Landis. You can read who else is doing episodes both in front of the camera and from behind it.

I used to love the show Amazing Stories that was on back in the late 80's.
Do you remember that show?
I used to love that show.
Anyway, I have big hopes that this show gets better and better every week, and more people tune in to watch it.
It's a great summer time show in my opinion, better than all the stupid reality crap tv shows, talent shows, and stupid game shows, that are planned on just about every network for the summer season.

---

June 5, 2008

It's poppin'! Zit poppin'!

Poor Mark, he inherited his father's bad face genes, lots of acne all the time.
We've tried just about every single product that others have suggested were the absolute best acne treatment they ever used, and we're still not getting great results.
He has some good days, but most of the time, he's got at least 3-4 zits right smack in the middle of his face, and boy doesn't it drive him nuts.
I just keep reminding him to wash his face really good while he's taking a shower, and use the face pads when he gets out, and then for pimples that are already there and formed, I have this tube of stuff that like instantly dries them out.
We've also done the plain white toothpaste on the zits over night, but eh, it's summer, he has bad genes, he's stuck with the zits.

Tonight, the teens and I will be going over to Mindy's for dinner, I have no idea how long I'll be able to stay though.
The meds are helping, but I'm still getting waves of spasms, and if I move too much, bam! Instant muscle freak out happens!
I slept ok last night, only woke up twice due to pain, but I really am trying to give my shoulder as much rest as I can so it heals.
Not over-doing anything, heck, I'm barely doing anything at all. haha

Ok, I suppose I should get going and check on stuff I'm supposed to do from my chair, and then I'm going to lay down and watch some tv while I rest my shoulder again.

---

May 23, 2008

Scary morning!

My day started off kind of scary.
I called my neighbor to check on her, make sure she was ok and able to get to her doctors appointment, but I got no answer.
I figured she was up and in the shower already, so I was going to wait like 10 minutes and call again.

Then one of our friends comes banging on my door around 8:45, and is yelling that something is seriously wrong with my neighbor, she's not breathing my friend says.
I run over there with her, and my neighbor is in her chair in the living room, her oxygen tank wasn't on, her glasses and phone were on the floor, and she was slumped over in her chair.
We turned the oxygen back on, placed the tubing back in her nose, and started trying to wake her.
She had a pulse but it was very faint.
We finally got her to come around, but her pupils were constricted, like the op of pins, and her skin was a really pale shade, she was slurring as she was trying to speak.
We couldn't make anything out that she was saying except for "no hospital".

We kept talking to her, asking her questions, what medicine did she take, how many etc.
There were 5 different pill bottles dumped on her end table, we had no idea what medicine was what, nor what she took, or how many of these pills.
We got her some coffee, made her drink it through a straw, and the two of us kept saying we need to get her to a hospital.
My neighbor kept saying no, no hospital, please. She started crying, begging us not to take her to the hospital.
It was just scary and sad.
We finally convinced her to go to her doctors office as scheduled, and my friend called off work and drove her.
She said she would tell the doctor how we found her this morning, and if he calls an ambulance, there's nothing my neighbor could do about it.
My friend said she'd call me if her doctor calls an ambulance and has her admitted, so I can contact her husband and take care of her son.
I'm hoping that doesn't happen, but she was in really bad shape.

I thought she was dead when I first walked in.
Slumped over, an icky gray pale color, the oxygen not turned on, things all a mess on the floor and table, and her dog laying near her feet with his head on her foot.
Very scary.
I hate things like that.

---

May 4, 2008

Beating the horse.

Some of the many awesome people I've had the chance to get to know thanks to the local forums, is a woman named Stephanie and her husband Aharon.
They live in a historic part of Tampa, and their home is like seriously the most awesome little home I've ever been in.
It's super old looking, (well duh, it's historic) and they've spent so much time restoring the home to make it a truly beautiful place to live.
They have the most awesome red painted dining room with this most kick ass antique chandelier hanging above the table.
It has the original floor vents for heat and cooling, the bathrooms have the original homes fixtures like claw foot tubs, the old glass doorknobs etc.
I love their house, I fell in love with it the second I walked in the front door.
I covet it.
Yes, I'm extremely jealous of the awesomeness of their home.

Anyway, Stephanie started blogging, her blog is called The Beaten Horse, and it's full of these funny little drawings from inside her head.
Stephanie is seriously funny.
Every time I have been out with them or at their home, I nearly pee listening to her tell stories of her job, or do impersonations.
She does this wicked funny Irish impersonation involving a discussion of haggis.
I swear, everyone in the room had rolling laughter tears coming down.
She's truly a treat.

I haven't been able to get up that way to get out and play with everyone for quite some time now, so it's nice to be able to read her blog and get a few laughs.
You'll have to stop by and check her out, and if you find the funny, subscribe to her blog feed, leave her some comments too.
She's new to the blogging world and it can be really lonely in the beginning when no one is reading you or leaving comments.
So stop by, look at her funnies, and leave a hello in the comments.

---

May 1, 2008

Please keep Lattegirl in your thoughts for awhile.

Please keep my friend Lattegirl in your thoughts.
She is in the hospital, no word on why, but I'm hoping it's not her heart again.

Her sister in law, Masgblog, posted the message on Lattes blog, and also posted this on her (masgblogs) blog a few days ago.

My blogger SIL is in the hospital. She's been there before, but it is worse this time.

It sounds very bad, I hope it's not bad bad bad, and I am waiting on Masgblog to email me and let me know what's going on and stuff.

Latte and I had a slight misunderstanding a few months back, and while we cleared it up, we have not spoken to each other much since then.
It's one of those I don't know what to say to her, she doesn't know what to say to me kind of things, but she's always in my thoughts, I read her blog every day and knew something was wrong when she hadn't posted in awhile.
I just didn't know who to contact.
I knew her sis in law had a blog, but I couldn't remember what it was called or the url or anything.
I am so glad that she (sis in law) posted on Latte's blog just now so I could find a way to contact her.
But please, do keep Latte in your thoughts.
It sounds much worse than last time.

---

April 25, 2008

The love the baby moods.

I just got word that a friend is pregnant, this means I'll be going shopping for baby gifts at some point in the next couple of months.
I love baby stuff.
I love babies.
buying baby stuff and holding new babies, makes me want a new baby.
But I don't really want one, I just like the idea of having baby.

Plus I know that my body just can't do it again, so that totally helps me get over the want a baby moods that come and go every time I see a baby or get to spend time with my nieces.
I love the way babies look, all smooshed and poofy-skinned, how they smell, and how absolutely adorable they are when they are sleeping.
Then I remember that they grow up, and turn into teens eventually, and these have been some of the hardest years of being a mother.
I love my sons, I really do, but with each passing year, this job gets harder and harder.
And it IS a job.

It's all on me to raise them right, teach them stuff they can't learn at school, try and make them see the good men they can become.
It's tricky sometimes.
I would never trade these years of raising them by myself, no way, but oh how I long for the days when they just cooed and stared up at you with their huge baby eyes, and had that awesome new baby smell on their heads.
They were super cute babies, and now here they are, almost men.
It's kind of frightening to think how quickly these years have gone by.

---

April 25, 2008

It's the oogly boogly!

Hey Shell, guess what we're watching?

That's right, we're watching the oogly boogly!
Cloverfield is a wicked fun movie, I know other people got sick watching it because of the camera movement, but it made it feel real to me.
The movie is about the monster, but it's also a love story.
Rob loves Beth so much, he's willing to and does, risk his life to be with the woman he loves.
Here's our man Rob, new job in Japan, probably hooked himself up with and got some decent life insurance quotes, life was looking good for Rob.
Well all except for that whole Beth bringing another guy to his going away party.
Then all hell breaks loose.
The scary little spider baby monsters that when they bite you, cause you to blow up in a very explosive and painful death later on.
I think the little spider monsters are more terrifying than the big monster personally.
They move faster, they can climb walls and ceilings, and they grab on to you and rip your flesh off.

We're at the scene in the subway tunnels, when the baby monsters attack.
I'm gonna watch because it's just an awesomely scary scene.
I expect Sebastian to start screaming and try to latch onto me in a few seconds.
He's not a fan of the oogly booglies either.

---

April 25, 2008

Supporting my friends.

A few weeks ago, I ordered a couple of advertising pens from the local forums. The money helps pay for the servers and site upgrades, stuff like that.
They should be here tomorrow according to the email I got just a bit ago.
They weren't much at all, like $2 each, but they are nice grip style pens, the kind I like so it's all good, and I only ordered 3.
I know, here I am stressing about money, but that's right now, 3 and a half weeks ago, $6 was do-able.

And speaking of friends, I'm wanting so much to support one of my good friends right now.
She was in a stupid accident, her fault, she's in some serious trouble, but other people are being complete jerks about it, gossiping and stuff.
I hate that.
She made a mistake, she knows she did, it doesn't need to be rubbed in her face right this minute.
It can wait a few days to give her the lectures, but I'm pretty damn sure she's going to already have learned her lesson.
Anyway, I wish it had never happened, and hope that she's ok.

---

April 17, 2008

So yeah, I tore the muscle.

We have no idea how it happened, but it's definitely torn.
I have to keep it in a across my chest position as much as possible, he gave me a sling to wear to help but understands that I am a mom who has mom things to do. He said I definitely have to wear it over night though.
He then gave me a script for something stronger to help with the pain, and those Flector patches.
It's basically a NSAID, anti-inflammatory, that you wear on the skin and it helps with the inflammation.
I also got 2 trigger point injections directly into that muscle, which can take 2-3 days to start working.
That freaking hurt. hahaha
Nothing like a needle going right into the very spot the pain is in, and having a medication that burns upon entry, when you're already in pain.
W00t! Know you're alive man!

Then my friend who drove me there, took me to Walgreen's to get my script filled, and then we went to lunch.
I had the most awesome cheeseburger I've had in awhile, and then we came home and I helped her pay her car insurance online now that her computer is back up and running.
They had to come and fix her lines, and I cleaned out her pc with compressed air.
Man, it was filthy in there. Filled with gobs of thick black dust.
No wonder it was over heating and shutting itself off.

I'm home now and have stuff to catch up on.
My shoulder is still burning from that stuff he injected, and he was totally cool about the whole co-pay thing.
I told them yesterday I was broke, and so when he said he had to give me those injections, I told him I couldn't afford them.
He said it's ok, you can pay for it next time, which is next week.
I should have money by then. I hope. hahaha
he also gave me some spray on Biofreeze, which I also have to pay for next week.
At least he's cool about the whole money thing.
Other doctors would have laughed at me and said suffer woman.
No pay, no relief.
Yay for a cool doc!

---

April 12, 2008

Wanna win a prize?

My friend Mindy is having a contest for their (her and her husband) shopping site, Regalo Boutique.
You can read all the contest rules here, but basically they are looking for someone to design a new header for their site, advertising their new Summer Sale.

They will be accepting submissions until May 30th, and then all the headers will be posted and voted on.
Everyone who submits a header, will get an incense box filled with yummy smelling incense.
Everyone who submits a design, will also get a link back from Mindy's site, and the top 3 chosen will receive a prize.
What are those prizes?
* First Prize will be a choice of item(s) totaling up to $50.00
* Second Prize will be a choice of item(s) totaling up to $35.00
* Third Prize will be a choice of item(s) totaling up to $20.00

Regalo Boutique has some amazingly beautiful items for your home, fun and interesting trinkets, bath and body, candles, items for pets, great looking outdoor items for decorating like teak furniture side tables which hold up exceptionally well in weather, and so many, many gorgeous things for your home, you have to stop by and check it out.

I totally suck at designing things, so I'll just help spread the word about the contest.
I know I have some seriously talented readers, so hop on over, check out the rules and what they are looking for, and get busy making them a new header to win yourself some great prizes!

---

April 11, 2008

I haven't been the best support lately.

Belle posted how she's been having trouble staying motivated and on track with her eating, and how a friend recommended some really good diet pills that worked, so Belle is going to try some.

I'm supposed to be her workout support buddy, and I haven't been doing that lately.
I've been so wrapped up in my own life stuff, that I have not been visiting her blog as often as I should be doing, and being supportive.
I will now make more of a conscious effort to go and read, leave supportive comments and share ideas.

Just like her, I have the same issues with food.
I am an emotional eater, I know this, and I try to fight the cravings off when I get sad or depressed, but I usually crack at least a little.
I'm not completely against diet pills, I have taken them in the past and they worked, but as soon as I stopped, I put the weight back on.
If the ones she takes works for her, I'll ask her what they are and maybe give them a try.
I am not doing as great as I hoped I'd be doing by now.
My total weight loss has only been 8 pounds, I want to lose more, much more, but I also want to make sure what I take is safe and actually works.

---

April 3, 2008

Bloa-ted.

I very rarely eat out at restaurants, we do get take out, but eating "in restaurant" is different.
Anyway, we went to The Olive Garden for lunch, it was me, the teens, my friend and her son.
The food was excellent, but I ate way too much.
I just love their bread sticks and alfredo sauce, omg yum.

I hadn't been up their in quite awhile, so a lot of things have changed in that plaza.
There's a ton of new stores for clothing, diners, a mailing type store, another craft place, and just a whole bunch of stuff that wasn't there the last time I really had a chance to look at everything.
They must have added on to the strip mall too, because there were noticeable changes in the end of the building structure, and one of them appears to have a completely different column style in front of it than all the others. They didn't look like cement, they looked more like fiberglass columns, they were a different shape, different color.
It doesn't look bad, just doesn't "fit" with every other storefront there now.

Tomorrow, Jo and I and the teens, will be going out for lunch somewhere, then we're dropping the teens back off here with her laptop so they can play Wow, while her and I go do some shopping.
She needs some new shoes, and I need some sort of school field trip appropriate clothing.
I can wear my standard black, but I think t-shirts and shorts won't be ok, so I'm off to find and purchase an outfit I'll wear once.
I'm not much into fashion, I could care less "what's in", and I have no desire to look like or fit in, with every Sarasota PTA soccer mom.

I can't believe how bloated I still am from lunch though.
When you don't eat out often, your body, ok my body, just isn't used to that kind of rich food, and I end up feeling sluggish and bloated for hours afterward.
4 Tums later, and I still feel like I'm bulging at the seams.

---

March 27, 2008

Hello Kitty and a whiter shade of pale.

I won Joana's re-draw contest for a Hello Kitty wallet!
I was needing a new wallet anyway, my Badtz Maru wallet I bought about 9 years ago, is looking a little worn.
It was black suede, but now it's worn out in many spots.
The zipper pull is completely broken off, and it's dirty and faded.
Being suede, I can't exactly wash it.

So thanks Joana, I will rock out with my new Hello Kitty wallet!

On the local forums today, I know, I talk about it a lot, but it's such a fun and entertaining time waster.
Anyway, a thread was started about skin whitening.
Now in itself, it's not that interesting, you think Micheal Jackson skin whitening, but this was about whitening a certain part of the body.
The thread was complete with a video with a Swedish woman slathering on the bleach, and explaining the process.
It was fascinating because it was just so unexpected, and like wow, what kind of woman allowed herself to be videotaped getting that bleached? /shock

Over dinner tonight, we watched Hitman.
It was good, based off the game of course, but it was action packed, violent, and had a decent story.
It certainly didn't hurt that the main character, the hitman, was kinda hot.
Timothy Olyphant is much much hotter without hair.
Bald is hot, bald is good.

---

March 27, 2008

I totally missed it this year.

Blogasm went off a week or so ago, and the girls all stayed at some pretty nice hotels in Vegas, met each other, and had a great time according to some of the blogs I read.

I really would have loved to have been there and met some of the women I've been blogging friends with for quite a few years now.
It just wasn't in the financial cards for me this year.
I am hopeful that maybe next year I can afford to go, I deserve a vacation, and getting to go to Vegas and hang with some of the most rocking girl bloggers ever, would be my ideal vacation.

I hope it becomes an annual thing, so that if I can't do it next year, that I'll be able to eventually do it.
I work hard, I am doing everything that I can to improve my health situation, and would eventually love to go back to a real world job and be totally self sustaining again.
When that happens, I will take a trip to someplace I want to go, and hopefully, it will be a cool weekend with some cool chicks.

---

March 26, 2008

Things I need to do.

Tomorrow after DHL gets here with my new paypal debit card, I have to activate it, then when I get paid, I need to call and pay my medicare part d bill, and the water bill.

I have some work I need to do, but I will get it all done, but before I can do any of that, I need to fix me.
I just had one of those days ya know?
And if you don't know, read the post below.
I am tired, semi-depressed, bored, uptight, and in serious need of a shower.
I think if I can get a shower, I'll feel a helluva lot better about myself.
I just feel out of sorts right now, my hair is a mess, and I need to take care of me.
I'm always telling others to take care themselves, and I blow right past my own needs.
So yes, I need to take care of me.
Shower, do my hair, that stuff.
I got a gift cert from a friend last week to Amazon, so I got the boys a new game they wanted, and then bought myself some flat iron hair stuff.
Protector and smoothing stuff.
I want to go play with it, and I will as soon as I'm done posting this.
I need some me time.

---

March 13, 2008

If you are...

the Sue who sent me an email last night, thank you.
I'm not sure who you are because it didn't provide me with that information to email you back, but I wanted to say thanks.
And I feel terrible that I don't know, but there a couple of "Sue's" who leave comments and email from time to time.

Thank you, I really appreciate it.

---

March 8, 2008

No mom guilt allowed!

For my birthday last Saturday, Christine sent me a gift certificate to Amazon with the strict instructions to buy something for me.
No mom guilt, no buying anything for the boys or the house, but for me.
So I did.
I bought a ring with my birthstone, aquamarine, and sterling silver, from Avon's amazon store.

It arrived today, and I absolutely love it.
Thanks Christine for making me do something for me, it's nice to have such a pretty thing just for myself.

---

March 5, 2008

So purple pretty!

My friend Tina, just posted that she bought new shades for her new apartment.
The color of her bedroom is a light lilac, and so she bought some really pretty purple roller shades, like these.

That is going to look so awesome with the lilac walls, I'm jealous.
My room is standard apartment white, with standard apartment light blue carpeting.
Her carpet? It's that fluffy-ish cream colored carpeting.
Her room is going to look so good!
She has been planning her new apartment out for what seems like months, and just waiting on her tax return to be able to do it all.
Her son's room has the same kind of carpet, but his walls are a light green-ish color, she she went with a dark green roller shade for him.
They are light but protect against the sun.
They let light in, but not heat.
I can't wait to see the finished product at her new place.
She and her son had been living with her parents for like, the last 4 years, and so to finally be able to afford her own place and make it cozy and cute, decorate the way she wants, is awesome.
I'm so happy it's all finally coming together for her.

---

March 5, 2008

Lingerie or nude?

That was one of the polls in the S&R forums over the last few days, and you'd be surprised by the numbers.

Most of the men said they only really like lingerie on their wedding night.
They want to see their new wife in her traditional bridal lingerie, but after that, they think the sexiest thing a woman could wear to bed is her own skin.

Now women on the other hand, prefer lingerie, or her man's button down office shirt.
The majority of women did not like to stand naked in front of their man, they all felt like they had too many body flaws to just be all bare and out there.
But then men found bare and out there, to be the most intoxicating and arousing thing about a woman.

So what about you?
Lingerie or nude?

---

February 20, 2008

Chillin out rockin out in my hood.

I wanted to update you on the AC situation from last night.
I spent about 2 hours cleaning it out today.
I removed the vent panel cover, washed all the grates inside with a toothbrush, sucked out a bunch of stuff from inside the fan area, and washed the whole face plate down.
After turning it back on, the whirring noise was gone.
Yay!
But, it had started whistling.
Boo!
But after a few hours, that stopped too, and now it's back to being whisper quiet again.
Yay!
So thanks to Christine's husband Mike, for letting me know it was just the fan, and not dying.
He was so right!

Annd, I'm still watching Idol and I gotta tell ya, not impressed with any of these chicks tonight.
They all sound like they smoked 3 packs of cigs today.
Just one raspy voice after another, except for that Alexandrea chick.
I liked her.
I don't care if they were all sick this week, they really are just way too raspy.
And I bet you all would think I would love that rocker chick, Amanda Overmyer right?
Well I don't.
She is nasaly.
It's all coming out of her nose, and I hate it when people sing through their nose!
Oh my god! Open your mouth, use your diaphragm and open up those pipes ladies!

---

February 18, 2008

Strung out like a crack addict.

I had a talk with my doc today after my massage therapy appointment, about the alternative drugs he has been trying on me.
See, I've been on narcotic pain relievers for over 6 years, and I've been wanting to get off of them, and we've been attempting to do that.
The problem is though, that the synthetic pain relievers mess with me and my head in very bad ways.

The first one we tried, Ultram ER 300, I felt like I was jacked up on some really dirty street drugs.
My skin crawled, my pupils were dilated, my vision was blurry, my hearing was affected, and my moods went all bi-polar.

Then we tried Tramadol 50 mgs.
Same exact reaction, because it's simply a lower dose of the Ultram, and the main drug in both is Tramadol.
Then we cut those 50's in half.
Same exact reaction.
Strung out like a crack head.

Then just this past Thursday, we tried Zanaflex 4mgs.
This is a medication given to people with MS for spasticity issues. The medicine is supposed to relax the muscles by stopping pain sensations to the central nervous system.
I only took one of those pills, and I thought I was going to have a heart attack.
My heart raced, I had the sweats, I was itchy, I couldn't think straight, my speech was slurred, and I couldn't sleep.
My stomach was in knots and I threw up several times, and my muscles spasmed.
The complete opposite of what the drug is supposed to do.
It also made me feel like the other two previous synthetics, strung out, high, messed up and dirty.

So today, I told my doc that if every synthetic on the market is like these 3, I'll stay on the narcotics because I cannot live like that.
Over 6 years on opiate pain relievers, and not once have I ever been that screwed up.
Ever.
I have a drug history, most of my readers know this.
Back in my teens, I did quite a bit of street drugs, I've never lied about my past drinking and drugging experiences.
Ok, I lied to my parents while I was doing them back then, but I don't and haven't done street drugs in years and years, like 13 years.
I took a couple hits off a joint about 2 years ago, the night I went to a concert before my surgery, my one last night of being blitzed I guess you could say.
I knew I was going in for surgery in February, so in December at the Genitorturers show, I had a couple shots, a few puffs, and enjoyed the show and the night with two of my best friends.

But even all those years ago doing pot and LSD, and drinking daily, I never once felt as strung out as I have been feeling trying these synthetic opiates.
Heck, even doing cocaine all those years ago, never made me feel this bad.
I honestly don't know how other patients can take them, or maybe my brain and body just metabolizes them in a different way.

I have another appointment with him on the 25th, and he said we can really sit down and talk about this then.
We couldn't have a regular appointment today because of medicare rules.
If I have therapy, I can't have a doc appointment on the same day. Kind of a silly rule, but that's how medicare rolls.
I will do what he says to do, but if I have to keep feeling strung out like that, then no, I'll stay on the narcotics for the rest of my life if need be.
Is this all too much info for you?
Sorry, but I'm brutally honest about shit like this, I see no point in lying about what's going on with me.

The massage therapist asked me how I was doing, and I just broke down and told him I couldn't take it anymore.
I can't handle being that messed up like that.
I don't like how the synthetics make my moods go all over the place.
One minute I'm fine and the next, I'm ready to rip the teens apart for breathing.
I got pissed at one of my cats this weekend.
For sitting on my lap.
That's insane.
I was behaving like a crazy person, and I'm not crazy.
I was so scared on Friday because the Zanaflex hadn't worn off, and my heart was still racing, I almost called for an ambulance.
I thought I was going to have a heart attack, it was beating so fast and so hard, I wasn't sure I was going to make it.
How the hell can other people take those drugs?
I can't even imagine having MS and having to take those drugs all the time for muscle spasms, and being so fucked up in the head.

And the massage therapy, god damn I hate it.
I have real issues with being touched.
I can't stand people touching me at all.
I don't like being hugged, have someone take my hand or arm, I wish I could explain it, but I tense up and get nervous.
So an hour long massage is fucking hell for me.
I have to keep telling the guy over and over, about my back and the still not regrown nerves, because the slightest touch sends me into fits.
He pressed one spot today and it sent muscle spasms all the way up my spine.
He was all "Whoah, you're really tense and tightened up today huh?"
I'm all dude, how many times must I tell you that my back is hypersensitive, and to take it easy, because the next time you press down on my shoulder blade, I'm gonna get up and punch you in the freaking head.

I know I have pain in my hip and lower back area, and the therapy is supposed to help with that.
The deep pressure stuff feels great on those areas, but anything shoulder blades to mid back, is like knives being jammed into me.
I have another appointment with him on Thursday.
Yee fucking haw.
Between my people touching me issues, and the nerve sensory issues, I am not enjoying massage therapy at all.
I hate every freaking minute of that hour.
I hate the music he plays, the touching, the questions about my pain levels when he touches here or there.
I'm in freaking hell but I do it because I have to.
I want to get better, I want things to be ok, I want to be done with narcotics and therapy, but the way things are going, it will be awhile.
Doc ended up writing me a script for a different dose of narcotics before I left, to get me through till the 25th with him, when we can sit down and really discuss what's going on.
I really do want to get off the narcotics, but not if it means losing my sanity and feeling street drug dirty.
I don't know if any of you can even understand that feeling, maybe someone who's reading this knows what I mean, but it's like crack or meth, or some really dirty drug. My skin gets slimy, I sweat, I feel like I'm covered in dust and dirt, I itch, my legs get restless, I feel nauseous and gross, strung the fuck out.

This was all probably way too much to tell you, but I just had to say what's been going on with me, so if you're one of the people I snapped at in the last month, you know why.
I apologize for talking to you like that, but it wasn't me.
I know, sounds like a lame excuse, but it really wasn't me.
Mark, my oldest, said to me on Friday morning, a full 24 hours after taking that one pill, "Mom, you're really bad right now. Your eyes are huge, you're breathing heavy, you're shaking. Do I need to call for help mom? This is scary."
I can't be scary like that around my kids. I can't be all over the place and yelling, screaming, sleeping, upset, crying, scratching myself to pieces.
I scared my kids man.
It's not ok to be like that.
It's not ok to be scary around my sons like that, so if every alternative to opiate pain relievers is like those 3, then forget it, I'll just stay on the Lortabs for life.
Fuck it.

---

February 5, 2008

Update on the Buzzfuse post.

I wanted to update you all on what I've learned since making my post about the new service Buzzfuse, the other day.

It was a paid post for another company, and some of my blogging friends are obviously hard up for $5, so they did what they had to do to get paid.
The opp required them to sign up and submit an article, but before you can do that, you have to enter in the email addresses of 10 of your friends.
Not cool at all.

I posted about the situation on a forum, and learned exactly how I got spammed by Buzzfuse.
To show you how this went down, here's a bit of how it works from other bloggers who almost took this low paying piece of shit opp.

"I had actually taken it (the opp) and was going through the process of signing up and submitting something I wanted to promote, when it put up an alert box saying that I could not continue until I entered 10 email addresses of people to "invite" them to the thing. (I had chosen to skip that step in signup)."

"According to the info, in order to use their service, you must submit a video, picture, article, post or whatever you want promoted. So I started to do that. But you cannot even get to the submitting part without entering all ten email addresses."

Garreth from Buzzfuse replied to my post, I replied to his comment, he tells me this isn't spam for the following reason;
"Well, I understand your frustration. Your friends didn't have to put your name in, but I guess they did because they trusted you to review their work and give them feedback (and of course you have!). The point again is that its not so much about making money from their post as it marketing their ongoing posts or testing our system, and these are personal invites, so they are not spam."

Garreth, it's spam plain and simple.
They took the $5 opp because they needed money, they had to use your service and review it in order to get paid. That meant they had to complete all the steps which included entering 10 of their friends in to be invited.
I didn't ask for 5 invitations, they were sent on behalf of my blogging friends from your site, just so they could get paid.

You can say it's not spam, but sorry Garreth, a spade is a spade is a spade.
They did it to make money, not intentionally piss off 10 of their friends.

The requirement of entering in the email addresses of 10 friends, before you can submit an article to Buzzfuse to promote it, is pure and utter crap.
I would never just willingly enter the email addresses of my friends to promote an article I want to gain publicity.
I'll ask my friends to Stumble it, or Digg it, IF they want to.
I won't invite them to a service without telling them about it first, asking them if it's ok if they receive an email from a company they haven't used.
If they say no, then it's no.
Making it a requirement is just evil.

Stumble this post if you like it.
If not, it's cool.
That's how I promote my posts, by asking, not spamming.
Hint, hint Garreth.

---

February 3, 2008

Go Pats!

Ok let's see, the teens slept over my sisters house on Friday night, I laid staring at the ceiling until about 6am, and then only slept until 9am.

Last night, Susan stayed over, and once again I couldn't get to sleep.
I was awake the entire night, all day today until 2pm, and I only slept until 3:45pm.
So in the last 48 hours, I've slept a grand total of 4 hours and 45 minutes.
I knew this was going to happen without the Ambiens, but I was taking an insanely high dosage of those every night, and that's no good at all.
I'll have to force myself into a sleeping pattern again. It's rough, it will take me about a week to do it, but eventually I'll sleep for at least 5 hours a night.

We will be watching the game this evening and chowing down on some BBQ and other snacks, with my neighbor Dave out back, and a bunch of his friends. He invited us to come hang.
He does this every year, so it's nice. He's a huge Patriots fan too.
We were just going to have some wings, chips, dip, that kind of stuff, but a big ol' BBQ is much more fun.
I'll probably be back and forth talking about the game, commercials, and checking in on stuff all night, because I just can't sit still.
There will be other kids and I believe I even saw a few teenage boys back there, so I know the teens won't feel awkward hanging with a bunch of adults.

Will you be watching? Who are you hoping wins?
What will you be eating?

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January 17, 2008

The Ca d' Zan mansion.

Every time my friend Shell has come down to visit, the John and Mable Ringling mansion, the Ca d' Zan, was closed.
They spent years renovating it, restoring it, to all the beauty and amazement it held while they were alive.

In 1924, they commissioned New York architect Dwight James Baum, to build their dream house. Though Ca d'Zan may translate from the Venetian dialect into "The House of John," the project was always listed on Baum's plans as "the home of Mrs. John Ringling," and Mable was the principal contact for much of the construction and decoration of the interior. The mansion was completed in 1926, and would soon become the epicenter of cultural life in Sarasota, evoking the Venetian Gothic palaces admired by the Ringlings. Lavish parties were held with orchestras serenading guests from the Ringling yacht to the lovely marbled terrace.

Shell and I took the premium tour, that means being allowed to tour the rooms of the house that regular visitors do not get to see unless they pay extra.
It was just Shell and I, one tour guide who was a sweet old woman with a fear of heights, (I'll explain this later) and one security guard.
When touring these rooms, no more than seven people are allowed to go at a time, that includes the guide and the security officer, for safety reasons.
If there were ever a fire at the mansion, trying to get more then seven people back down all 89 steps, would be time consuming and dangerous.

The mansion is absolutely beautiful.
The exterior and interior, are simply gorgeous.
All images are clickable for bigger.

More pictures below the cut.

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