March 9, 2010
Late to the Glee party.
Tonight the teens and I watched Zombieland, and we thought it was absolutely hysterical.
We love zombie movies anyway, one of our fave funny zombie flicks is Shaun of the Dead, and Zombieland is like the American version of that in my opinion.
The 32 rules for how to survive a zombie invasion were so funny, they were things that fans of zombie flicks have talked for as long as there have been zombie flicks, things you need to do just in case there ever really is a zombie invasion.
Rule #1:
Cardio.
If you're out of shape and can't outrun a zombie, you're going to get eaten.
Rule #2:
Beware of bathrooms.
Zombies tend to attack when you're most vulnerable, and really, "dropping the kids off at the pool", is probably the most vulnerable any of us ever are.
Rule #19:
Blend in.
Zombies don't eat other zombies, so try to blend in with a little cornstarch on your face, some berry jam dribbling out of your mouth, you'll fit right in.
Bill Murray had a cameo in the movie as himself, one of the last survivors in Hollywood, he made himself blend in using the makeup techniques mentioned above, and was able to go play a few rounds of golf because zombies don't eat zombies.
Tallahassee, played by Woody Harrelson, talks Murray into playing a trick on Columbus, played by Jesse Eisenberg, as he's sitting watching some of the classic Bill Murray movies in Murray's own home theater seating, but Columbus mistakes Murray's makeup for being a real zombie, and takes out Murray zombie.
Ooops!
But there's so many fabulous and wicked funny scenes in Zombieland, there's all of the awesome 'Kill of the week' scenes, it's just a great movie and I highly recommend it to anyone who hasn't seen it yet.
After it went off, the teens went off to play, and I had some stuff to look up online, so I just left it on Fox 13, the channel it was on before I popped the movie in, and I listened and watched parts of American Idol.
Some of them were actually pretty good, and some of the girls really just sucked.
If you just can't hit the notes in "Smile", it doesn't matter how much you love the song, loving the song isn't going to help you sing it awesome, so just don't even try, pick something that you can actually sing considering that tonight's round was to pick the top 12.
End of the line for you, sucks for you, oh well.
Then I just left it on that channel again and watched Glee.
Everyone is always raving about Glee, and I think I watched the first 2 episodes or so, and then found other things to watch on Tuesday nights, but now I can totally see why people love the show and why I should have probably watched the third and fourth episodes before I gave up on it.
I really like the kid in the wheelchair's version of Dancing With Myself, it's just a very cool version.
I'll probably watch it again sometime if I can't find other stuff to watch.
January 7, 2010
Bubble Gum and Hula Hoops review and 5 book giveaway!
I received a free copy of the manuscript for Bubble Gum and Hula Hoops: The Origins of Objects In Our Everyday Lives, about a month ago to read and review here on my blog.
It's a really fascinating and funny look at why certain things got invented, and why they were named what they were.
Take the bra for an example, a lot of people believe that it was invented and named after someone named brassiere, not true.
It's kind of a long story, but all the way back in 2500bc in Minoan Crete, they were using pieces of fabric strapped around the chest to support the bosoms, it probably resembled a sports bra of today because it was wrapped so tightly.
Corsets had been around since the 16th century, but it was in 1893 when American socialite Mary Jacobs was dressing for an evening event when she got really upset about her whalebone corset.
She took 2 hankies tied together with ribbon, and used them to keep her breasts looking the way she wanted them too under her tight party dress.
She was so pleased with it, that she patented the design and began selling them as "Caresse Crosby" bras but with very limited success.
Eventually she sold the design rights to the Warner Brothers Corset Company, and they went on to make a huge fortune from Mary's idea.
By the 1920's, they were in wide circulation, and now today, we have a huge assortment of over the shoulder boulder holders that flatten, tighten, plump, support, volumize, and of course, push up!
There are a ton of very interesting stories in this book about all kinds of products like the breathalyzer, the condom, toothpaste, cigarettes, bubble wrap, paper clips, bar codes, the camera, lipstick, the airbag, the GPS, parking meters, aluminum foil, canned food and carbonated drinks.
There so many things in this book that I'm sure you've heard a story about how they were made and it's probably wrong, so this book tells how and why things were made and why they were named what they were.
It was a really fun book to read, I learned a lot and laughed a lot along the way, so I want to share the learning and laughs with 5 lucky readers.
Do you want to win a copy of Bubble Gum and Hula Hoops for yourself?
Or maybe you know someone who enjoys learning about why things were invented?
If so, all you have to do is follow the rules below.
Here's how!
Rules:
The giveaway is open to United States, (including Alaska and Hawaii) and Canada!
This giveaway is open to all, not just bloggers, but rules must be followed.
Only 1 entry per person/family/household.
Only 1 person per IP address can enter the giveaway and complete the required entry and extra entries.
No entering on behalf of others, using extra identities or others identities, no automated program entries, etc.
I can check and verify IP addresses and email addresses. *wink*
If you are caught cheating, you will be banned from this giveaway and any future giveaways on my blogs.
This giveaway is only open to those ages 18+ only.
All entries must be received by 11:59 pm Eastern Time on Thursday January 28, 2010.
I will pick the 5 winners randomly using random.org on Friday January 29th, 2010, email the winners, and they will have 48 hours to claim their prize.
If I do not get a reply within 48 hours, I will pick a new winner using random.org again.
How to enter:
The required entry:
This is mandatory, if this one entry is not done, you will not qualify for the giveaway.
For a chance to win, leave me a comment telling me what you would have named any current product/invention, and why you would have named it that.
For extra entries:
The following are all for 1 additional entry each, and you must leave a separate comment for each 1 that you do.
If you bundle entries in 1 comment, the comment will be deleted and disqualified.
1.
Post a new comment telling me what you would like to see invented.
2.
Blog about this on your blog, and leave a separate comment with the url to your post.
The post must remain on your blog for the duration of the contest.
3.
Post about this giveaway with a link back to this post on Twitter, and then leave a comment on this post with the link to your Twitter post about this contest.
You can use this link in your Twitter post to tweet and tell others about this giveaway! http://tinyurl.com/yb4zlw3
5.
Post about this on Facebook and give me the link to your Facebook profile so I can verify it!
That's it!
***There are 5 books in total, they will be shipped directly to the winners from the publisher, so you will need to leave me a valid email address when you enter, and if you win, I will contact you for your mailing address which will only be given to the publisher, and only for the purpose of sending you the book.
None of your information posted like full name, email address, or mailing address which you have given for contest entries, will ever be given or sold to any person or company, it will only be used for the purpose of contacting you, if you win, to send you the book.***
Good luck!!
December 13, 2009
My horriblescopes for Decmber 13th.
My Twittascope (I'm actually supposed to post this to my Twitter, but it's way too long, and I don't like giving apps my login info for my account) for Sunday December 13, 2009 says;
Pisces 
(Feb 19 - Mar 20)
You might feel as if someone is ready to pounce on you if you say too much about your plans today.
Perhaps you are so passionate about what you want to do that you stir up unnecessary resistance when others hear your ideas.
Remember that your current need to extend your boundaries and explore new possibilities is not necessarily shared by everyone else.
Exercise a bit of discretion now and don't reveal everything you're thinking.
My Yahoo horoscope says;
You're a sweetheart, plain and simple: compassionate, tender and you see the best in everyone. That said, you're also not in the mood for anything less than 100 percent of a loved one's attention.
Oh, and if they just so happen to be on the other side of the state, country or planet?
That won't matter -- not at the moment.
Oh, be demanding.
When was the last time anyone could ever say you were?
And when you click on the horoscope icon on the yahoo horoscope, it takes you to a new page with a daily overview page which says;
No one will see you unless you step into the light.
It feels good out there.
And;
You're feeling a little passive right now, despite your positive energy.
It's just one of those days when it's easier to help people make mistakes than it is to correct them or try to guide them.
I don't believe in horoscopes, I find them to be for entertainment purposes only, I mean, here's 3 different things for my sign but all for the same day, so how can a horoscope be even slightly accurate?
I do love all of the cute little symbols and pictures for my sign though.
I found all of these adorable ones when looking for just 1 picture to include in my post, but I thought that all of them were just so totally cute or just really pretty, that I had to include them all.
December 12, 2009
Scholarships for moms?
I was on Facebook this morning and saw this ad.
It says Scholarships for moms, but this is the picture they had with it.
Does that look like a mom to you? LoL
The totally wrong picture with it just cracked me up so much that I had to screen cap it.
Hee hee
November 25, 2009
Bohemian Rhapsody Muppet style.
This is truly the awesome!
September 19, 2009
Ahoy me mateys!
Arrr, today, September 19th, is International Talk Like a Pirate Day!
E'eryone is supposed t' spend the whole day talkin' like a pirate and spendin' the day doin' all kinds o' pirate acti'ities.
Thar be e'ents takin' place all o'er the world today.
I know thar is a Pirates for Parkinsons Walk that happens today, tis' 50 walks, 1,000 people, all o'er the world, t' raise awareness and money t' help find a cure for Parkinsons disease.
Thar be many other e'ents happenin' today too, maybe one near you, so if you have nothin' much t' do today, why not find an International Talk Like a Pirate Day e'ent, and go have some fun and be a part o' an e'ent that could help a lot o' people.
Ahoy mateys, argh! Tis' Talk Like a Pirate Day 2009, argh!
June 4, 2009
Maw-chew Pee-chew. hee hee
Whenever I think of like Machu Picchu travel, I think of Pikachu from Pokemon, and then I think of the baby Pikachu Pokemon named Pichu.
I just also like saying it over and over really, really fast.
Machu Picchu
Machu Picchu
Machu Picchu
Machu Picchu
It just sounds funny when you say it as fast as you can as many times as you can.
Say it, Machu Picchu.
Now say it as fast as you can as many times as you can without screwing it up, or until you screw it up.
Phoneticaly, it's maw-chew pee-chew.
Maw-chew pee-chew.
Hahaha
I just drove Sebastian totally crazy doing this.
I was making dinner, and I just kept saying it over and over really fast, then really slow, and then saying Pikachu, then Pichu, then Machu Picchu, then maw-chew pee-chew super super slow, and then he got super mad at me and told me to stop but I didn't.
Then I hear Mark from the other room yell, "MOM! OMG! STOP! FOR THE LOVE OF PETE! PLEASE JUST STOP!"
Hahahahaaa!
Maw-chew pee-chew
Machu Picchu
Maw-chew pee-chew
May 22, 2009
I'm blue da ba dee da ba die...
Ok, so I got up, went pee, got a drink, folded the last load of clothes, and then decided to clean the bathroom up a bit.
I noticed that the toilet wasn't as sparkly as it normally is, and that's when I noticed that the Kaboom Scrub Free was totally gone.
Not just used up in the tank, but I was out of refills that I keep below the sink, too.
Dang it.
The Kaboom Scrub Free really, really works.
I found below the sink, a really old package of 2000 Flushes Blue Plus Bleach, so I opened the package up, cut open the bleach packet, dropped it in the tank, and then cut open the blue pill package, and went to drop it in the tank, when it slipped out of my hands and fell in the toilet bowl.
Uh, er, crap!
I wasn't thinking clearly, remember now, I've had like hardly any sleep in the last 2 days, my brain is totally sleep deprived and fried.
So what did I do?
If you said "Kat reached in the bowl and grabbed the blue toilet pill", you would be correct.
Ack! Oh no! No! No! No!
I reached in and grabbed the blue toilet pill and hurriedly dropped it in the tank but it was too late.
The blue was already on my hands, but I scrubbed and scrubbed anyway.
I did get most of it off, but my hands are a light blue color, my finger tips are a slightly darker blue.
Only me, only I would do something that freaking stupid.
gah!
April 28, 2009
Powder your balls son.
I am a single parent, a mom, (just sayin' in case the name of this blog isn't clear enough) so that means that there isn't a dad in the teens lives to have certain conversations with, to teach them certain things.
Potty training was easy.
When I was teaching them to poop in the potty, I gave rewards at the end of the week if they did not have any accidents and used the potty for every single poop.
I didn't give lame rewards like a piece of candy, or a sticker on a chart, or something like that, nope, I would take them to the store and let them pick a new action figure. (they were cheap then, $3-$5 per full size action figure)
They were both fully poop potty trained in about 1 month.
They were both heavily into Batman and the Power Rangers, so getting them to poop was as easy as singing the theme song.
They've got a power and a force that you've never seen before
They've got the ability to morph and to even up the score
No one will ever take them down
The power lies on their side
Go, go, Power Rangers
Go, go, Power Rangers
Go, go, Power Rangers
You, Mighty Morphin' Power RangersThey know the fate of the world is lying in their hands
They know to only use their weapons for defense
No one will ever take them down
The power lies on their sideGo, go, Power Rangers
Go, go, Power Rangers
Go, go, Power Rangers
You, Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers
I've had to be the one to talk about where babies come from, sex, safe sex, oral sex, (that was one hell of a conversation!) explain puberty and all of the physical body changes that were going to happen to them.
You know, like hair growing in thicker and darker, and in places like their arm pits, chin, upper lip, the possibility of a unibrow and what we could do to take care of that, and hair also growing in really thick, really dark, and curly, in their private part areas.
I've had to tell them that hair would grow all around, and on their balls, that it would get really thick as they got older, and that eventually they would need to trim it down so as not to get it caught in any zippers, because that would be so painful they would want to die, and to also not look like a throwback to the caveman days.
They each have their own hair/beard trimming kits with the clippers and all of the attachments, and I've had to show them which comb to use with the clippers on their pubic hair so they wouldn't cut themselves, and so they get the best trim*.
I've had to have the pregnancy/std/unwanted pregnancy talks, and explain what a condom is, what it does, and yup, I've even showed them on a cucumber, (just like my sex ed teacher did in 6th grade!) how to put one on.
I've had to discuss childbirth and babies, baby care, and abortions, and the woman's right to choose, and child support, and how very important it is if the girl chooses to keep the baby, and that they would get jobs, pay support, buy diapers, and most importantly, spend time with their child because while the money pays for what the baby needs, being a father, a real dad, is the most important thing a real man can and will ever do for his kid(s).
And just yesterday, (Monday) I had to have the sweaty balls talk.
When both of the teens came home from school and started complaining that their balls were sweaty and sticking to their thighs, I knew it was time to teach them the "sweaty balls no more trick", they were obviously ready if they were complaining out loud instead of just grabbing at the crotch of their shorts and tugging while sort of shaking their leg and squatting up and down.
I took each of them into the bathroom 1 at a time, and handed them 1 baby wipe**, a folded up 2 square of toilet paper, and 1 each of the travel sized bottles of baby powder I bought a few weeks ago*** just for this special day.
I told them 1 by 1 what to do with this stuff, and then left them alone to do this themselves.
I told them to wash their dick and balls with the baby wipe, then take the folded up toilet paper and pat the entire area dry, and to then pour a small amount of baby powder in their hands, and gently pat it on the entire area.
I explained that this will not only prevent ball sweats, but it also will prevent the balls from sticking to their thighs, it will prevent chafing, and it will also leave their entire ball area feeling cool and cleaner during the super hot summer months.
They were of course, super embarrassed to even be having this conversation, but to be having it with a woman, their mother, was really embarrassing. (Hope they don't read this post! ha!)
But about 20-30 minutes after doing it when we were all walking up the street to the barber shop to get Mark his hairs cut, they both started giggling.
I asked what was so funny, and Sebastian said, "I can't believe my mother knows how to prevent sweaty balls that stick to your thighs, and that you were prepared for it to happen, and it actually works!"
This caused the both of them to bust out laughing even harder, they both kept saying, "You were ready for it, like you were just waiting for us to tell you our balls were sweaty!" and laughing some more.
I admit that it was quite hysterical, but I did know that it was going to happen, I just didn't know if or when they would tell me about it.
I only know this trick because of past boyfriends who were open and honest with me about their hygiene practices and stuff, and because guys just share this kind of information with each other once their dad tells them about it.
The teens dad isn't in their lives to tell them this or anything that a father should say to his sons, he hasn't been around in any sort of quality father-like capacity for 15+ years now, so that leaves it up to me to do all of these things, have all of these talks with them no matter how awkward it may be for them to hear coming from their mom, and how awkward it can be for me to have to have these talks.
I'm just really glad that they take it well, they listen to me, and they ask questions if they want more information on a subject.
When they tell me that it really works and start laughing about it, or in the middle of cracking a joke, or relaying a story about a girl named Jessica who gives bjs' in the bathroom at school, and they slip in a quick and barely audible 'thank you', I know that I'm helping them get through all of these awkward and embarrassing to talk about things that I know would be so much easier to discuss with a dad, it lets me know that I'm doing it ok, that they appreciate it, that it's really helping them, and I can feel good about the job that I'm doing in both parental roles as mom and dad.
Continue Reading �
March 14, 2009
Stalking their prey.
Do your pets watch tv?
Our cats do, they love watching tv, I am always catching Nova and Kali, especially, watching certain shows that I watch, or certain commercials, they actually pay attention.
A few days ago, my sister gave me the video that my cats absolutely love to watch, her cat Binky didn't pay any attention to it, so she gave it to me for my kitties.
It's called Video Catnip
It's all birds and squirrels right up close.
I turn the volume up pretty loud at first so that if the cats are in another room or sleeping, they can hear it, and they come running to watch it.
They can hear the birds chirping and squawking, the woodpeckers chipping away at the trees, and the squirrels chewing on nuts or food, or scratching at a peanut.
They love this movie and it is so funny to put it on and watch them try to catch the animals.
I love having our digital cameras close by, I keep them right on the coffee table, my camera, Sebastian's, and even my cell phone has been used a few times to catch the kitties stalking their prey.
Check these few pics out from earlier this afternoon when I put the movie on.
Here's Nova the fat, no-tailed kitty just watching the birds at first.
And here she is trying to get up and close so she can "catch" 1 on a bird feeder.
Finally, here's Shahiro trying to get the birdie from another angle, from the side table, paw outstretched, trying to reach into the tv and get the birdie.
She kept pawing at the screen every time a bird or squirrel moved to the side of the stump they were on and eating the birdseed that was there, or if 1 of them moved to her side of the tv.
Hahah!
It is so funny when I put the video on for them, one of these days I really need to take a movie of it because all 3 of the cats will try and catch the birds and squirrels.
All 3 of them meow really loud when they try and catch 1 and they can't, they look at me as if to say;
"You saw me grab it with my paws right?! How come I didn't actually get it? I had it in my paws woman! I had it! What the hell kind of birdie is this that I can grab it and not get it?! I wants it! Gimme that squirrel!"
Oh, and they love the squirrels the best, every time there's a squirrel on the screen, they go nuts and will get up on the side table, the tv stand, they will go behind the tv to see if there's another way "in", they get on top of the tv, they jump at the screen, it's freaking hysterical to watch!
I promise, I'll try to get a video of them watching it and trying to catch their prey, it's the funniest thing ever.
Continue Reading �
February 24, 2009
I HATE Tom Jones.
Yes, that Tom Jones, and I'll tell you why.
See, when the teens and I first moved here 12 years ago, we stayed with my sister and her now ex-husband for about 6 months, until I could save up enough money to get our own place.
We got here and within 2 weeks I got a really good job that I loved, and things were going well.
My sister and her ex-husband don't smoke, they didn't allow it in their home, but they were ok with me smoking outside on their lanai.
I loved being out there, their backyard was so beautiful, all fenced in, big pretty trees, green grass, beautiful lanterns that doubled as bug protection, and a gorgeous fish pond that my sister built with big and colorful Koi fish in it.
She had built this big pond, had all those pretty fish in it, rocks and lights surrounding it, a little water fall, too, which circulated the water from the pond down the waterfall using a small motor and some tubing.
It was so peaceful out there at night.
That is until the neighbor directly behind her got home at night around 7pm.
At exactly 8pm every single night, without fail, the guy behind her would crank up the stereo speakers, and play the exact same cd every.
single.
night.
Tom Jones Greatest Hits: Platinum Edition
This is not the exact same cd, I can't find the one that he had in 1997, but the track listing is almost identical, I have it memorized.
Actually, it's burned into my brain.
Every night after I had tucked the boys into bed around 7:30pm, they were just 4 & 6 then, I would go outside with a book and my smokes to relax the day's work off.
I had a hard job, I was the shipping and receiving manager for Pier 1 Imports, I unloaded trucks full of furniture and all of that other stuff they sell, 3 days a week, and do the reports, ordering of new merchandise, helped people load their purchases into their vehicles, move everything around the store for the new weekly sales, it was a physically demanding job, so I sat outside at night to chill out, relax, and read a good book every night before I went to bed.
I probably spent about 3 hours a night out there trying to relax, trying to read, but that idiot who lived behind her was a Tom Jones fanatic, he played the same damn cd every single night, over and over and over.
As soon as it would finish all 17 or so tracks, it just started again at the beginning.
It's Not Unusual, What's New Pussycat, Delilah, I'll Never Fall in Love Again, She's a Lady, Take Me to the River, and many, many more.
Over and over and over.
It was like an audio nightmare that I couldn't wake up from.
I almost felt like he was doing it on purpose.
I was out there from about 7:30-8pm until about 11pm every night, and he played that music from 8pm until 11pm every night.
As soon as I would get up from my comfy sling chair and start heading in, the music would stop.
I even tested it a few times to see if he was doing it to me intentionally.
I would get up, put my bookmark in, grab my can of Diet Pepsi, and start blowing out the torches, and the music would stop.
If I sat back down and opened my book back up, the music would start again.
I really thought he was doing it to me on purpose!
I even told my sister that I thought her neighbor was watching me, to see when I went in, that he stopped the music when I got up, but if I sat back down, it would start again.
She laughed and said no way, he had been playing that same cd for like a year.
But I said "No Jo, I swear, he's doing it to me on purpose, come watch this."
So one night she waited til about 11pm when I would start coming in, and she stood in the patio doors watching and listening, I got up and blew out a few torches, and the music stopped.
I sat back down and opened my book, and the music started again.
I stood up, it stopped.
I came in the house and said "See!?! I told you! He's watching for me to go back in the house!"
She laughed, it was funny, the neighbor was torturing me with Tom Jones music every night for the whole 6 months I lived there.
At one point I was so crazy from it, I started looking for either really cheap or free hotel rooms for the boys and I to stay in until I could find us an apartment.
I was going absolutely insane listening to that music every night.
I was so glad when I finally found an apartment, no more Tom Jones!
Hooray!
Now every time I hear or see Tom Jones, I feel a little twitch coming on, and this morning he was on The View.
I sat here thinking oh please, please do not let him sing What's New Pussycat, I'll scream, I'll go crazy.
No, he didn't sing that one, but he did sing this one.
And it's just as bad in my nightmare of Tom Jones every single night for 6 whole months.
January 23, 2009
Dick Cheney tried to kill him.
I forgot to tell you all the funny thing that happened while we were shopping at Sweetbay today.
We were in the cereal aisle, it was cramped, the aisles are small, and so there we were, another lady y the front of the aisle, a lady coming up the aisle, and then this really crazy old man in one of those electric wheeled scooters came into the aisle.
He was already mad, sputtering something, he yells at us to get out of his way, almost hit me with his little scooter, and I'm thinking that shopping carts need blinkers, horns, and maybe even some cheap car insurance because of how often I get slammed into while shopping, so I turn around to tell him I can't go anywhere because of the lady coming up the aisle.
He sees my neck brace, and that set him off on the time that ex-vice president Dick Cheney, tried to kill him at the Publix on Bee Ridge road.
See, he was shopping, and Dick Cheney was shopping, had his secret service people with him, and they were pushing people out of the way, and this old guy wouldn't move, so Dick Cheney, according to this guy, pulled a gun on him.
That's when he starts telling me about how Dick is a craaaazy man!
He shoots people all of the time, and he tried to kill him that day right there in the middle of Publix.
By now, the lady coming up the aisle wants to get out, she must have said excuse me 10 times, she's getting mad, and so he gets mad at her, starts yelling at her to move her cart and he'll move his scooter, and he's still yelling about Dick Cheney trying to kill him.
Sebastian and I see him and hear him throughout the rest of the store, crashing into stuff, opening food and drinks, yelling at people, and the two of us are just laughing.
I said to Sebastian that I was going to blog this, and I totally forgot about it until just now.
It was totally funny though, maybe you had to be there, but he swears that Dick Cheney tried to kill him at the Publix on Bee Ridge road. hahaha
January 1, 2009
The ULTIMATE happy cat toy.
One of the biggest issues with owning cats is that some of them like to scratch things, namely furniture.
Both Kali and Nova were de-clawed years ago, but Shahiro and Carmine have theirs, and they have recently (as in when Carmine showed up) taken to really trying to go at the couch.
Today while Sebastian and I were in Publix picking up some more food and other things we needed, I spotted this in the pet aisle.
The Scratch Rattle Roll Scratcher - Mouse
This GIANT mouse is made of a really soft fabric like a blanket, it has a sisal spot on it's back which cats love to scratch, it has a rattle ball in it's tail, and the whole thing is FULL of catnip.
It has a really strong elastic so that you can hang it from your doorknob, or you can lay it on the floor for the cats to pounce on.
All 4 of the cats love to do both to it, they love this thing!
As soon as I cut the tags off and hung it from the door, they all went nuts trying to get to it.
They were swatting at each other, jumping on it, licking it, biting it, and meowing like crazy over this thing.
Here's Carmine rolling around on the floor* with it.
The big dark spot on the sisal back is from where Kali started frantically licking at it to try and get the catnip out of it.
Continue Reading �
December 21, 2008
You could die.
We had a great time with the girls today, we played games, watched Christmas movies, played ball outside, and ate some yummy snacks.
My niece Skye was so cute and it's not funny, but it was.
She was like an ad for smokers life insurance or the just say no group.
She saw our neighbor outside smoking, and she started telling us that if you smoke, you could die, it will kill you, smoking is bad, and then she started yelling it at him.
Here's this little 4 year old yelling as loud as she can, "Smoking could kill you! You could die Mr.!"
Mark and Sebastian are cracking up because she was pointing her finger at him, waving it at him, one hand on her hip, and just kept saying it over and over, "You could die! Smoking could kill you, make you dead!"
She wouldn't stop, so we had to pack up our ball and go back in the house, but man, I so wish I had filmed that.
I did get the girls singing on camera, but it came out wicked dark.
I may upload it anyway, the 2 of them singing is just freaking adorable.
October 24, 2008
People take their online gaming a bit too seriously.
A 43 year old Japanese woman became so involved and eventually enraged from playing an online game called Maple Story, that she ended up "murdering" her online husband.
The woman is now jailed on suspicion of illegally accessing a computer and manipulating electronic data of her online husband.
She used his username and password to login to his Maple Story account and "kill" her now online ex-spouse, so the now online ex-husband, called the police to have her arrested for hacking.
The 33 year old man and the 43 year old woman, were once happily married in the game, and for an unknown reason, the man decided to divorce her character.
The woman was quoted as saying; "I was suddenly divorced, without a word of warning. That made me so angry."
Perhaps she was upset that the online divorce would force the couple to divide up all of their online assets that they had built up during their game play, and she would lose the car, half of the "bank account", maybe some of the furniture, and probably either divide or completely lose their massive Tea Collection they had gotten from their virtual trips around their virtual world.
She has not yet been formally charged, but if convicted could face a prison term of up to five years or a fine up to $5,000.
She was arrested on Wednesday, and then taken 620 miles across the country from her home in southern Miyazaki to be detained in Sappporo, where the man lives, the official said.
This isn't the first time that a crime has been committed because of a virtual game.
In August, a woman was charged with plotting the real-life abduction of a boyfriend she met through "Second Life,", and about a year ago, a woman filed charges with police because her character was raped in Second Life, and she was unable to close out of the game and felt like she was being violated because of it.
In Tokyo, police arrested a 16-year-old boy on charges of swindling virtual currency worth $360,000 in a role playing game, by changing another player's account portfolio using a stolen ID and password.
I know that virtual games are very addictive, I love playing with my Sims when I can, and am completely stoked about the Sims 3 coming out in 2009.
My sister, her husband, my teens, and millions of other people, are completely addicted and involved with WoW, and that's like all they talk about, but I do believe that this is the first online murder of a spouse done by hacking another players account because the virtual relationship ended.
People need to not take these virtual games so damn seriously.
It's a game people, only a game.
If you are feeling extremely strong urges to murder an online game character, it's time to shut down the computer and go outside and get a real life.
I am really excited about Sims 3, and I promise, I won't make any Sims that look like real people that I know and dislike immensely, and then kill them by drowning, or fire, or a satellite falling from the sky and slamming into their heads!
Well, I can't really promise you that, but I'll try not to do that.
October 13, 2008
WalMart Canada has strange idea for feminine hygiene.
I don't know how long before they figure this out and fix the image, but this is supposed to be for Summers Eve feminine spray
What the hell is that?
A hedge trimmer? LOL!
*UPDATE*
Mindy's husband says, "That is a pressure washer! and it should work too!"
Bwahahahahahhaa!!!
Oh! I can't breathe!! LMAO
August 28, 2008
Poopy poopy.
Every night at bedtime, the teens and I usually get into a deep or disturbing conversation.
I really think they do it in the hopes that I'll be so involved in it that I'll lose track of the time and they'll get to stay awake longer.
Tonight's conversation was about pooping, more specifically, getting it all out by whatever means necessary.
They wanted to know about stool softeners, asked exactly how a colon cleanser works, why it is sometimes a different color, all kinds of crazy poop questions.
I swear, they did it to stay up later and be funny, and also have a moment of extreme grossness.
So I decided to gross them out.
I told them all about what happened to me during my last surgery, and the 3 times per day every day, stool softeners I was given.
I explained how the anesthesia combined with the constant IV injections of high dose, mega strength opiate pain relievers, turn the contents of your bowels into cement bricks, so they make you take a lot of stool softeners to get you moving again.
Well after 3-4 days of taking them 3 times a day, things certainly did get moving.
I started to explain exactly how well they worked, the color, the consistency, the smell, the hour of the night it happened, and that was as far as I got.
They both stopped me from going any further, Mark said "Oh! Look at the time! It's 11:39pm! We have school in the morning!", and they both darted off to their beds.
I think I've finally figured out how to stop the crazy conversations right before bed every night.
Just gross them out with stories of my bodily functions.
I really should have thought of this years ago.
August 27, 2008
I even fell for that stupid love song.
I was doing a combination of sitting at my coffee table and standing in the kitchen, working on my list of need to get items from Publix this week, listening to my mp3 player.
I was going through coupons and singing along, matching up the coupons I have with the items on my list and hoping that when Publix puts out the new weekly sale flyer tomorrow, that what's on my list and what I have coupons for, will be on sale so that I can get the most possible best buy on everything that I need.
So here I am going back and forth and room to room, opening the fridge and cupboards to check for needed items, seeing what I already have on hand that I can take off the recipe/shopping need list, flipping through recipes and jotting down what I want/need to make for each recipe for each day, seeing if I have coupons for those items, (thanks mom for the new envelope full you sent this week!) and be-bopping along, singing loudly, when I realized I have some fairly embarrassing songs on my mp3 player.
Like if a friend came in and picked it up, turned it on, and started scanning through my playlist, they'd probably start laughing at me.
I mean, I have a Kelly Clarkson song on there!
But then that got me thinking that we all probably have some songs on our ipods and players that we'd probably be a wee bit embarrassed if our friends found out, so tell me, what's the most embarrassing song you have on your mp3 player?
Continue Reading �
August 25, 2008
Pit hairs and mommy thoughts.
That is Sebastian's armpit.
He came to me last night right before bed, all excited.
"Mom! Come see! Come see in the light! I have pit hairs!"
Can I take a picture? Can I blog it?
"Yes! You can take a pic! You can blog it! This is awesome! I have pit hairs! Woo hoo!"
Ok, be right there buddy. Hahaa
So I went in the bathroom and he raised his arm up.
There in his little 15 year old armpits, were a few strands of hair, maybe 6 or 7, maybe less.
But the fact that he finally had pit hairs was a major huge deal to him.
He had this huge cheesy grin on his face, his cheeks were beat red from a combination of laughing and embarrassment over his excitement about "starting to become a man."
He called Mark to come in and see it all too.
Mark laughed, he laughed, and then he begged Mark to show off his manly pit hairs.
Mark took off his shirt, and Sebastian's glee turned to embarrassment and a sort of sadness.
"Mark has more than me, he's really hairy, more man than me."
I explained to him that having lots of pit hairs isn't what makes a man a man, it's the things that man will do in his life that will make him a man.
Then he looked down at Mark's legs which are covered in dark hair, then lifted his own leg up, rubbed it up and down a few times, and then told me to rub it, to feel that hairs are starting to grow there too.
I obliged him and said "Yup, I feel them growing, you'll have lots of blond hairs on both your legs soon enough, this is your year young man."
He got that big cheesy red-cheeked grin back on his face, and then ran to jump in his bed where he waited for me to come in and do the blanket flip to 'tuck him in'.
I've been doing the blanket flip almost every single night since he was 3 or 4 years old.
He lays down flat on his back, I grab two ends of his blanket, and do the huge flipping motion to make it float back down and cover him completely.
He always giggles, gets red faced, and then tells me he loves me, he'll see me in the morning.
I give him a kiss on his forehead, tell him I love him, turn off his light, and go to say goodnight to Mark.
Mark who is older, more mature, and hasn't wanted his blanket flipped in several years now, is already in his bed, blanket on, doesn't want to be tucked in or kissed goodnight.
He prefers instead to high-five me, says "love ya", and I tell him I love him and then pull the string to turn off his light and leave his room.
They are my kids, my baby boys, but they are becoming men right before my eyes with all the teenage giggles and embarrassment of growing hairs in all those places that hairs grow.
They are also as different as night and day, two totally opposite people with different ideas of fun, different life plans are being mapped out, they fight all of the time, yet they are also the best of friends.
They are both kind and respectful towards others, they helped our landlord this afternoon haul the crap from the newly emptied duplex apartment next door, to the curb.
It is amazing how much crap the old neighbors left behind.
A washing machine, a huge rusted out meat smoker that was behind the house, a kitchen table, boxes, all kinds of stuff.
He had to rip out all of the carpeting from every room, they really did a number on that apartment, but he's going to be fixing and cleaning, re-painting, and laying down all new carpeting.
He's been in there every day for a few hours a day, just busting his ass to clean up the property.
We asked if he needed help, he kept saying no, but both boys saw him struggling to haul things out and all the way to the end of the drive, and they just jumped in and started grabbing the ends of the carpet rolls and huge wooden beams that neither the landlord or myself, knew where the hell they came from, and helped him take it all out.
In between helping him haul stuff, they mowed our lawn, and Sebastian even did a few rows near the drive, he can't go all the way into the grass due to some underground hornets nests and his allergies, but he helped as much as he could.
Mark has a head cold, he's all congested, so Sebastian is trying to help him with his chores.
It was hot out there, Mark had to keep coming in, drinking a lot of water, and standing in front of the AC to cool down.
When they finally finished with everything, I gave him a couple cold tablets and told him to lay on the couch with the cold AC blowing on him, and kept refilling his water glass.
I finished making dinner, they ate, and are now playing some video game together.
It's quiet in there, a little too quiet actually.
I fully expect some name calling or some sort of disagreement to break out soon.
That's how they roll.
One minute, best buds working in perfect harmony, the next, shouting at each other and ready to gouge out each other's eyeballs.
It still amazes me every day that these are my little boys, my babies.
They used to be so small, so needy, so cuddly.
They are grown up, growing up, and becoming really cool and interesting people.
I marvel at this whole mommy job every day.
It's constantly changing, my role that is.
It used to be the do it all for them role, cut up their foods into itty bitty pieces, bathe them, cuddle, read, play, tie their shoes and all kinds of other things.
Now my role is basically cook and laundry do-er.
They can do everything else for themselves, they don't need cuddling anymore, they don't need help tying their shoes, they just keep on growing up and doing for themselves, becoming their own individual people and doing it all on their own.
It's been such an interesting ride, at times I feel like I missed a few things along the way, but watching them, having some intense conversations with them, I think whatever I did miss out on seeing or being a part of, I somehow caught up with it anyway.
They really are turning out pretty freaking awesome.
They are mine, they are their own, and they will be really awesome men when they get older.
August 19, 2008
Fay fail.
August 9, 2008
We both nearly pee'd.
After it stopped raining, Sebastian and I headed out to go to Walgreen's for my script, and Publix for some snackage and sodas.
On our way, we walked through the apartments up the street because our street doesn't have any sidewalks, and I finally got to snap a pic of the violet car.
It's not the best pic, it was taken with my cell phone, but it really is violet, I've never ever seen a car this color before in my life.
It's so purple-y fantastic!
We get to Walgreen's, and we see this mother looking at the big huge display of weight loss pills they have right at the front of the store, there's like 3 or 4 different brands on it, and she's standing there comparing them all while her son who looks to be about 12, is blowing up this big balloon.
We go out back to the pharmacy, hand her my script and my ID, and then sit down to wait the 15 minutes for her to fill it, and start people watching.
The kid has now successfully blown up his balloon, and is now kicking it up and down all the aisles of the store while drinking what looks to be a half gallon of milk.
He's going up and down, up and down, up and down each and every aisle.
Then there's this really loud *BANG!* as the balloon pops, followed by a really loud girly girl scream that came out of the 12 year old boy's mouth.
Sebastian and I are laughing hysterically, 2 old women who are in line at the pharmacy counter are clutching their chests, the pharmacist has this pissed off look on her face, and she calls for a manager to come back to the pharmacy for "a disturbance".
When the manager arrives, she tells him about the kid, and he goes off to find the kid and tell the mother he can't be doing that inside the store.
As soon as the manager is out of her eyesight, she smacks her kid upside the back of his head which sets Sebastian laughing even more now.
We get my script, and the pharmacist tells me to not take these pain pills with the pain pills that Doctor Moreno gave me on Tuesday.
I tell her I know that, and that Doc Moreno only gave me 3 days worth of pain meds until I could get to see Doc Riegel on Friday, yesterday, but I waited until today to pick them up.
She looks at her computer screen, and says oh, sorry, I thought he gave you 100 of the Lortabs, but now I see he only gave you 20 of them.
Yup, he covered me for 3 days, because my appointment with Doc Riegel had to be changed because he was in Philly all week, Friday was his first day back, and both docs are aware of what they gave me and how many they gave me.
I told her that my scripts would probably be changing in a month to the same ones I had taken back in February 2006 through May 2006, the harder stuff, I am going in for a laminectomy and fusion from C1 all the way down to T2, so she may want to go through my records and see what those were to make sure they have them in stock because last time they didn't, and I had to use a different pharmacy.
She said ok, and then typed it all up in my account file on her computer, wished me luck during the surgery, and we left.
Then we walked up the sidewalk to Publix where they are having some sort of kid's day activity things going on.
We grab the snacks and sodas we came for, and are heading out the door to leave, when one of the manager ladies that we've known for like 11 years now, calls Sebastian over to take on of the kids goody bags they are giving away.
He said he doesn't want it, it's for little kids, but she gives it to me and says there are snacks in it they she knows he'll like.
So I take the bag and we leave and start going through the little bag.
There's a coloring book, an activity book, a notepad, some crayons, a balloon, (aha! this is where that kid got it!) an apple, a mini Slim Jim, and a small bag with what looks like one Publix bakery sugar cookie, and a ziploc bag with some popcorn.
I tell Sebastian I want the apple, and he can have the Slim Jim and the cookie.
I think it's a totally fair deal, he gets 2 snacks, I get 1.
Well he opens the bag with the cookie in it, there are 2 of them, and he starts laughing that he got 3 items to my 1 item, that he got the better deal.
We're now about half way up Clark Road walking back home, and he is laughing like a maniac, his face is beat red, he can barely breathe he's laughing so hard.
Then he asks me what else is the bag, I tell him, the popcorn and the crayons, coloring books and stuff, the apple I'm going to eat when we get back home, that's it.
Then I see it, he also sees it, and he reaches in and grabs it before I could.
One package of Sargento cheese and cracker dipping sticks.
I tell him that's not fair, he got 2 cookies and the Slim Jim, he's already had 3 snacks compared to just my 1, he says I can have the popcorn, I don't want the popcorn, I want the cheese and crackers.
If only you could have heard him laughing, seen his face, you would have been laughing too.
He was like a little 3 year old with the most toys, he's jumping up and down, laughing, clapping, and saying he has more than I do, ha ha, his face is red, he's choking from laughing so hard, and now I'm laughing because he was just too cute and funny, and his laugh is contagious.
We both finally had to stop walking because we were laughing so hard, and he tells me to stop laughing because he's gonna pee, and I'm already laughing so hard I feel like I'm going to pee, and then he says, "Oh crap! We have to eat all of this before we get home or Mark will want it! Mom! I'll share the crackers, we have to eat them NOW!"
He has this most serious look on his face, like it's a matter of life and death that we eat them before Mark sees them, because Mark will want them and then we won't have them.
He went from laughing so much he had to pee, to completely dead serious in just a few seconds, and he starts ripping the the cover off the package and shoving a cracker stick in the cheese and forcing it in my mouth right there in front of a little shopping plaza on Clark Road as cars are whizzing by and people are staring at us.
The whole scene just cracked me the hell up, I was now laughing so hard that I had to pee something fierce, then he starts laughing again and crossing his legs telling me to stop or he was going to pee himself, he has little tears running down the corners of his eyes, and I could not stop laughing.
So there we both are, standing there all bent over and laughing hysterically, both of our faces are red, we're both choking and inhaling rapidly trying to breathe through the laughter, right in front of all of these people who are just staring at us big time now, like we're a couple of crazy people.
They were laughing at us which embarrassed Sebastian, but he just kept laughing even more.
Every little thing set him laughing harder and harder.
I finally composed myself enough to start walking again, he's behind me, and I can hear him giggling like a lunatic all the rest of the way home.
We get in the door and Mark comes to greet us and find out what all the noise is, and Sebastian just flies past him to the bathroom, doesn't close the door all the way, and we can hear him in there still laughing crazily while he's peeing, which made me start laughing again.
OMG, I haven't laughed like that in ages, just silly nonsensical laughter, and it was awesome.
I needed that.
August 3, 2008
Now I need new sandals.
Thanks to Kali and Shahiro, I now have to buy new sandals.
See, they are always rubbing on, licking, and chewing on my sandals whenever I come home from anywhere and take them off.
I'm not exactly sure why, but I think it may have something to do with my diabetes.
When I get even a little bit sweaty, my skin smells very sweet, like candy almost, it's weird, I've heard it's not a good thing to smell like that, but it's not an unpleasant smell at all.
I find it rather pleasant myself.
Anyway, the two cats have rubbed on, licked on, and chewed on my sandals, so when I was at the grocery store I was having problems.
I couldn't figure out why my right one felt so weird, it just didn't feel right, and I was so busy walking around and getting what I needed, I didn't stop to take a look until we were almost done.
I finally looked down and the left side of one of the sandal straps on my right one, was completely unattached!
I couldn't very well leave it like that, it was driving me crazy, so I had Sebastian undo the stitching on the other side of the strap and take it off.
I placed the strap into my purse, and maybe I'll fix it or just go and buy some new ones if I can remember where I got them.
They are Dr. Scholl's, and they were so so comfy!
I loved these sandals!
I can't be having the kitties destroying my shoes all the time, so maybe I could find and take them to some kind of sneaky vet or a charlotte north carolina dentist, and get their little incisors filed down or coated in like rounded plastic caps or something.
I can't lose good and comfy shoes and sandals because they like the taste of my sweet sweaty feet.
July 17, 2008
It's the small things that amuse me.
The other day when Sebastian and I went grocery shopping, I finally bought a new plunger.
Yes, a new plunger after 10 years of living in this house.
The plunger we had seemed to not be working anymore, the rubber plungy part was old, stiff, and starting to crack a bit, so I bought a new one for just $2.99.
We did need a new one, not just because the old one was broken, but because that morning when I took my shower, I noticed the tub was not draining as normal while I showered, and even after getting dressed, it still wasn't drained.
I came back from the store and it had finally gone down, but I ran the water because I knew it was clogged and I didn't want to hear either one of the teens complaining that it was clogged.
"Mom! The tub is clogged up! What am I supposed to do?!"
*eyeroll*
So I ran the water to about ankle deep and started plunging away with the new cheap-o plunger.
It had a really tight seal, like really tight, I had a hard time breaking the suction from the tub a couple of times, but once I got a few reps of plunging done, the water drained out of the tub like it had been blasted with some sort of air tools pipe cleaning thingamabobber.
I was shocked.
The water in the tub has never gone down that fast in all the years we've lived here.
Then just now as I was washing my hands at the bathroom sink after peeing, I noticed how slow the sink drain was not draining, and decided to try out the super cheap plunger on the sink drain which has been the bane of my existence since living in this duplex.
Drain-o, Liquid Plumr, special stuff you sprinkle in the drain at night and it eats away the gook, all of it has gone down those pipes, and all of them would work for a few days, so I tried the new plunger.
7 plunges with a sink halfway full, and then I watched.
It went down in a flash!
Yay!
I don't know what kind of magic powers this $2.99 plunger was made out of, but I'll be damned if it isn't the best little plunger in all the world!
I will take care of it, I will keep it clean and in a safe spot, I will love it and call it Dave.
Dave the cheap plunger is my new bestest friend appliance in all of my house.
July 17, 2008
I wish I had taken my camera!
Mindy came to pick me up this morning for my doctor's appointment, and her daughter Katie started telling me about the car that was stuck in the ditch.
I know this happens all the time on my street, but usually I see the people do it and then attempt to get it out of the ditch.
So we rode back down the way they came so I could see the car.
The people must have had a party last night and one of their guests drove head first into the ditch, and the car is still there.
Hopefully no one got hurt, or they might end up needing some type of Chicago personal injury lawyers or something to go after the city.
The ditches on my street are really deep, about 4 feet deep, because the city comes along and digs them deeper every summer so the rain doesn't get backed up and flood the street.
I've seen tons of cars end up in the ditches over the last 10 years living here.
I've seen drunks swerve and end up in them and then try to get them back out before the cops show up.
I once had one of the elementary school lunch ladies end up in the one right in front of my house after she took out my mailbox with her car.
She was plastered at 4 in the afternoon!
She was trying to get her car out, spinning her wheels, it's not like you can just back up and get your car out, it actually has to be towed out.
She was crying, trying to push her car, I offered to call a tow truck for her and she said no because they'd call the cops on her.
I had to tell her it was too late, the cops had already been called.
She started yelling at me, and I was all hold on lady, it wasn't me, it was my cranky ass neighbor, and she was just screaming and freaking out.
The cops did show up and arrested her because she was hammered, and I look over and my neighbor Bill, he's dead now, is standing in his doorway, shorts on, no shirt, chest all covered in scars from his multiple heart surgeries, with this big smile on his face and a moon pie in his hand.
That guy was never happy unless someone else was miserable.
July 3, 2008
Notice anything missing?
That is the titanium bar tongue ring I wear.
It's missing the other ball at the end.
Guess where it is?
See, I had to have that MRI today, and they make you take off all of your jewelry, so it requires me taking out all my piercings as well.
When I got home I put them all back in, and I must not have tightened it enough, and during dinner, it must have come even looser.
I decided to have a little snack a few minutes ago, and I took the first bite and felt this scraping feeling against the roof of my mouth.
I immediately panicked and thought I chipped a tooth and it had scraped the roof of my mouth, so I ran to the bathroom to take a look.
No chipped teeth, so I stuck out my tongue and that's when I saw it.
My tongue piercing was missing the top ball.
Now, it didn't fall out on the floor or into what I was eating, I definitely would have noticed it falling out of my mouth, so the only obvious place that tiny titanium ball went is down the old pipes.
Yup, I swallowed it.
I came out of the bathroom and told the teens, and they both got this look of horror on their faces.
Ha!
I've had this tongue ring since 1999, so 9 years, and in these past 9 years, I have never had an issue with it.
I've never accidentally bitten on it while eating, and I certainly have never swallowed one of the balls.
There's a first time for everything they say!
I do have others so I just replaced it, not really a big deal, but I thought it was quite funny.
June 6, 2008
What the heck are you looking for?!
Every now and then I like to go through my stats and see all the various search terms that bring people to my blog.
Here's some of the unusual and funny search terms.
original little mermaid cover (people like the phallic cover)
bbbbbbbbb (um, yeah)
sims having sex (they can and they do)
Las Vegas travel I was going to go to Blogasm '08, but my plans fell through.
mumenshantz. I still have the piece of art Mark made.
check n go florida settlement. This still hasn't been settled yet.
dry nail strip. These really do rock.
the walrus and the carpenter were able to get the oysters to trust them based on promises they made to the oysters then in the end they ate them. like politicians. (Dogma)
ex girlfriend child support maine 2008 may maine may (No, I'm the ex-wife, and the hearing is now July 16th, but thanks for checking on me current girlfriend. That's so sweet of you!)
i believe license plate. Shot down by the senate! W00t!
infant swimming resources. Every parent with a pool should teach their kids to swim.
And curiously, the most searched for keyword coming in at over 100 searches;
stick figures. I have no idea why people search for that so much.
May 12, 2008
Hoppy birfday to woo.
Christine made a post about kid friendly restaurants and birthday parties for kids, and entitlement jerks.
Basically the dad was mad because the restaurant didn't offer his 3 year old son no free gift or cake at his birthday when they dined out.
I worked in many different restaurants when I was working outside the home, and I can tell you that not a single one ever gave anyone, kid or otherwise, a free gift or free cake, on their birthdays.
The cake was added to the bill, and it was usually just a slice of cake from our dessert menu unless someone called in advance to arrange for a whole cake for the entire group to have.
We would sing if asked, but most people didn't because it is publicly humiliating for both the birthday person and the restaurant staff who are forced to sing it.
That dad is a butthead.
He complained about the crappy meal, the bad drinks, the bad service, and yet he expected the restaurant to shower his 3 year old with a gift and free cake, as well as sing the damn happy song.
______________
But we did do this once, to Sebastian on his birthday, at our fave Chinese buffet here in town.
He was about 10 or 11, and my sis and I felt like embarrassing him.
We pre-arranged with the manager to bring a cake over at the end of our meal, a small Pepperidge Farm one we brought ourselves, and also to sing to him.
The entire staff who work there are Chinese with very heavy accents.
We finished our meal and Sebastian thinks that's it, when the whole wait staff comes over with his cake and like 100 candles on it.
It was like on fire, I thought for sure the smoke alarms in the place were going to go off.
We never asked for the candles, the staff did that on their own, but it made it even more funny to sis and I.
They get to the table, Sebastian is already mortified because of the flaming cake o' death, and they start singing.
"Hoppy birfday to woo, hoppy birfday to woo", all really thick Chinese accents, so thick you could barely understand any of the words to the classic birthday song.
Every patron of the restaurant is staring at our table, people are standing up to see, and how could you not see?
There were 20 wait staff all dressed in matching black pants and white shirts, singing very loudly, and a tiny cake with flames shooting off the candles.
People were laughing, some were singing along, and Mark is nearly pissing himself with laughter.
My sister and I have tears rolling down our cheeks because all we wanted was the cake brought over, and maybe like 2 waiters to sing, NOT the entire staff, and it was just so loud and so bright, we were losing it with laughter.
Sebastian's face was bright red, he was so embarrassed, but it was just awesomely funny.
We've never done that again, but we threaten it every time one of the teens have a birthday.
We always take them out on their day to where ever they want to go, and when we get there, we joke about how we tipped the waitress etc to bring a cake and sing.
Both teens usually get immediately red in the face, and ask like 100 times through the meal if we're kidding or not.
We usually hold out on the joke till the very end, when we finally tell them we were kidding, but watching them get nervous every time a waiter passes by our table is priceless.
April 26, 2008
Xbox Live orientation
X-Play created an Xbox Live orientation video for all you live player n00bs out there.
Not knowing how things work on Xbox Live can be a bit scary at first, but thanks to this most awesome video explaining things, you'll be playing live and fitting right in!
Click continue reading to see the NSFW but hysterically funny video.
Continue Reading �
April 11, 2008
Oh the messes children can make.
Rachel from the BakedBlog, left me a comment, and seeing as how she's a new reader and commenter, I decided to go check out her blog.
I've now added it to my feed because she's funny, she cooks yummy looking foods, and she's got kids who do things when she turns her back for a second.
Don't all kids manage to make the biggest messes ever when your back is turned for just a second?
I swear, they have magic mess making abilities, or else their imaginary friends are helping them.
Maybe they could get a talent management company to come hire these kids to make messes for movies and other stuff.
It's a gift, a pure talent, to be able to do this kind of crap so quickly.
I posted this on her blog, she wants to know what kinds of messes other moms have had to clean up, but I thought I'd share it here too.
But you do have to go check her blog out, it rocks.
My story isn't so much a mess, but a waste of money, and humiliation.
I had gone shopping at Sam's club, buy everything in bulk to save money. I was still a single mom then too, so I needed to save as many pennies as I could.
I bought huge boxes of cereal, snacks, ginormous boxes of tampons and pantyliners, and like 50 rolls of toilet paper.
I was proud of my money saving skills man.
I had taken all the newly bought in bulk bathroom items upstairs along with my oldest son who is 16 now, but was just 3 then, and we set to "helping" mommy put away all the items of shampoo, soap, tampons, toilet paper, and pantyliners.
Then the phone rang, so I walked to my bedroom right across the hall to answer it.
It wasn't a cordless phone, but I was trying to keep my eye on him.
He put the huge package of toilet paper in the closet, the same with the box of tampons and soap. He placed the shampoo bottle on the side of the tub, so I turned my back for just 1 split second to hang up the phone.
When I walked back to the bathroom, I almost threw a tantrum myself.
I cried, I know I did.
That huge box of 500 pantyliners that only cost me $3, were now all IN the toilet and he had flushed it.
It had started to overflow and he backed up giggling like clogging the toilet with mommies vagina cloths was the most hysterical thing ever done.
Till he saw my face and the tears.
Then he started crying, said he was "sowwy mwommy, *sniffle sniffle*"
I grabbed as many pantyliners out of the toilet as I could get, threw them in the tub, tried to reach in the hole and pull out the clogged ones, all while crying as loud as my son was.
Then I grabbed a few towels to clean up the water on the floor, and plunged the toilet to try and dislodge the ones that had gone beyond my reach, but to no avail.
I had to shut off the water and call maintenance to come help me.
When I explained to the crew as they arrived and I showed them to the bathroom, they looked in the tub at some 400 water logged pantyliners, and explained how I tried to plunge the other 100 back out but may have made it worse, they started to snicker, then giggle, then it was all out laughter.
Both my son and I were still crying, but they were laughing at the idea of my kid trying to flush 500 pantyliners down the toilet.
It was humiliating, but they used a toilet snake, a super strong air compressor plunger, and the other 100 came out and they tossed them in the tub.
I apologized, red in the face, I mean, just what did those guys think?
This woman must bleed like a slaughtered pig during her period, just look at all these pantyliners, just look at the giant box of 500 tampax tampons in the closet.
I was dying of embarrassment, and they were laughing.
The next day, one crew guy came back over and said he had something just perfect for me.
He led me upstairs to the bathroom, and installed a toilet lid lock that could only be opened by an adult squeezing on two buttons at the same time.
He said just in case my son ever felt like flushing his blankie down, this was definitely going to stop him.
I thanked him, he was still laughing, and I finally just blurted out;
"I don't have heavy periods! I wanted to save money buying in bulk! The tampax and pantyliners would have lasted me a whole year! I was just trying to save money! I swear I don't bleed like a chicken with my head cut off!"
That's when he busted out in the loudest laugh ever, and I was even more embarrassed than I was the day before.
April 1, 2008
Kitty in the cabinets.
I went out to find a little snack to munch on, and once again, I found Shahiro sleeping in the cabinets.
She knows how to paw at the cabinet knobs till she can get her head in there to jump in.
She finds the weirdest places to sleep.
She goes in the kitchen cabinets, on top of the tv, on top of the book shelves in the living room, on top of the toy shelves in Mark's room, and in just about every window that has a sill.
She also loves to sleep on top of the computer monitor in Sebastian's room.
She's a strange cat.
March 25, 2008
Like a milkshake.
All the various meds I take, can have some weird effects on me.
Some of them cause me to pass out and wake up confused, some cause me to be unable to sleep and very anxious, and some cause hallucinations, tension, stress, mood swings etc etc.
Well I took one of my pain pills about 3 hours ago, I was doing fine, the pain has totally relaxed away, and you could say that I am too.
Seeing as how I had barely eaten over the weekend, and no, I did not eat that devil made muffin, but I decided to have small bowl of ice cream, 2 tiny scoops in my tiny ice cream bowls.
It's vanilla with fudge swirls.
It was yummy.
And then just a few minutes ago, I was sitting here to do some things I've not been able to do for the last few days, I started getting hot flashes, dizzy, oh no, please not that.
I tilted my head back and closed my eyes, but no, the feeling just kept coming.
So I carefully made my way to the bathroom, and no sooner did I get the lid lifted, did the vomit come spraying out.
Now vomit is usually painful, burning your throat and nose, but not ice cream.
No, ice cream on it's way out, is like a McDonald's chocolate milkshake, slightly warmed up.
It was actually, sorta pleasant.
March 24, 2008
3 little pictures.
Niece Skye playing all silly with some shaving cream.
Niece Susan playing all silly with some shaving cream.
These things were surely made by some kind of devil, to intentionally sabotage a good woman's diet and workout progress.**
Continue Reading �
March 21, 2008
Mom! I finally pooped like Mark!
This was an actual conversation last night, but I was so tired, I didn't blog it.
Sebastian: *calling from the bathroom* Mom! Come look! I finally pooped like Mark does!
Me: What?!
Sebastian: Really mom, you gotta see this! It's HUGE! And it's wrapped around the bowl like Mark's poop does!
Me: No thanks buddy, I believe you.
Sebastian: Mark! Come see this!
Mark: *busy playing a game* Dude, it's cool, I believe you.
Sebastian: Mark, come on man! This is awesome!
Mark: *takes off headset* Ok man, I'm coming.
*both boys re-enter room*
Sebastian: Mark, tell mom how awesome it was.
Mark: Mom, he shit out the biggest turd of his life. It was like a tree trunk and wrapped around the bowl twice.
Me: Wow dude, you finally shit out a tree. Good job?
Sebastian: Yeah, it was awesome. Man, I never took a dump that big ever.
March 15, 2008
I woke up confused.
I try not to take the Somas because when I wake up, I am confused and don't know where I am.
Well it was raining for several hours last night, coming down pretty hard, and my back would just not loosen up.
So I took one around 8pm, and finally went to bed around 2:30am.
When I woke up this morning, I was really lost, or so I thought.
I woke up not knowing where I was, and when I realized I was home, I didn't know if the teens were home, what day it was, and I came flying out of my bedroom and scrambled from room to room to find them.
Sebastian was up and playing on his computer, and mark was still asleep.
But I hate that.
I just really hate that about that pill.
They work really well, but damn, why do they make you as confused as an Alzheimer patient?
I need to take a shower and go do more grocery shopping. The other day was just the odds and ends, household stuff, a small bit of food, today is the big food shopping with multiple coupons.
Always trying to save money ya know.
I wanted to share a pic with you, and seeing as today is Caturday, Christine declared it so, here's the cutest and funniest pic of Kali and Shahiro napping together.
Kali is one of those cats that likes to sleep on her back, all sprawled out, legs opened wide, and she can get in this position just about anywhere she feels it looks like a good napping spot.
Well, Shahiro thought between Kali's open legs looked like a good napping spot, so that's how they slept.
I walked in and found them like that, and just started laughing.
They didn't even flinch when the flash went off, so it must have been the perfect, and most comfy spot ever.
I suppose I should get in that shower now that half the day is wasted.
Later days!
March 6, 2008
I need lighter sheets.
Lighter colored sheets and bedding covers that is.
Right now my sheets and blanket are a deep burgundy color, and while I love them, they show cat hair so so badly.
All 3 of the cats sleep with me, Shahiro at the foot of the bed, Kali around my waist area, and Nova at the head of my bed near my pillows.
All 3 of them leave gobs of cat hair in their sleeping spots, and they never sleep in different spots, it's always those places.
Nova is the worst for leaving hair.
It's like in a pile, making sort of it's own fuzzy blanket covering at the top of my bed.
It's gross.
I tried using a lint roller to get it off, and went through 5 sticky roller sheets, and had barely made a dent in the fuzz.
When I wash my sheets which is every other day due to this hair collection, they have to be washed separately from any other laundry, or the hairs get stuck to other clothing.
Yes they do come off in the dryer and get caught in the lint filter, but I've had to run a small load of clothes twice to make sure all the hairs were gone.
So anyway, I'm thinking of gray or silver colored sheets.
Then if there were cat hairs, I wouldn't notice them and be annoyed by them as much.
March 6, 2008
Aha! There it is!
So my contact lens was sorta stuck in my eye for most of the day, and it finally popped out.
While I was peeing.
I started blinking a few times, involuntarily, and it just went *pop* and landed on my shorts.
I picked it up and placed it on the counter, finished peeing, and then put the lens in a case.
At least I didn't lose it or have it totally stuck up under my eye lid.
I've had that happen before to the point it was really lodged and burning, and had to go to the eye doctor and have him take it out.
That sucked, because he used that thing that keeps your eye open, and this special little plastic tweezer type thing, to grab the lens and get it out.
March 2, 2008
To see before I die, or he dies.
George Carlin.
I would love to see him at some point in my life.
The man cracks me up all the way back to his 7 words you can't say on television, to his new stuff.
And here is some of his new stuff, because what would a Sunday be, without a little religion?
part 2.
February 7, 2008
Crusty crotch pants from Old Navy.
Colleen bought two pairs of pants at Old Navy, she tried one pair on, bought another pair in the same style but different color.
On the day she wanted to wear the second pair, she noticed some other woman's vaginal discharge in the crotch.
Please go to Digg, read her story, digg it to the top.
It's awesome what's she doing with the pants now because ON treated her badly when she went to return them.
But I laughed, and I know you'll be laughing, but see, I know how this happened.
I used to work at Old Navy, I know their return policies, and where the products come from.
I worked mostly in the stock room bringing in shipments off the truck.
It was my job to unpack it, hang it on the hangers, place it on the floor.
I also covered the fitting rooms and helped put returned items back out.
First, ALL of Old Navy's items are made over seas. This should be a major hint to wash anything you buy from them.
Why?
Many times I would open a box and spiders would be in the clothes, or fleas.
Sometimes, I'd get done hanging over 200 pieces, and my arms would be itchy. I'd look down to find a major rash going on, on my arms.
From whatever was in the box.
In the fitting rooms, there was a sign up that said you must keep your underwear on while trying on clothes, but uh, sometimes the female customers wouldn't be wearing any.
That's the first way the crusty stain could have happened.
Yes, we could tell them they couldn't try on any more clothes after we saw nakedness, but that might cause a scene, and getting our manager involved in it was something the manager didn't like to do.
Heck, they didn't even like to get involved in blatant shoplifting exchanges.
The second way, is when items are returned.
All the Old Navy employees are required to do, is ask why you are returning it, and give the item a once over for outside damage to the outside of the garment.
We never were told to check pockets or look inside the crotch of the pants.
Simply look for outside stains or tears.
That's it.
That's the second way the stain could have happened, but she said the pants were new, so I'm betting on the fitting room scenario.
What did we do with returned items?
We hung them on hangers and placed them back on the sales floor of course!
Same with items from the fitting rooms that the customers didn't want.
In there, we never even inspected the items after they tried them on.
They were "new" after all.
We placed them back on the hangers, and on to the sales floor they went.
I've worked in retail and customer service for years.
The customer is always right even when they are wrong.
By thoroughly inspecting items and finding a stain like that, could cause the customer to start screaming that they didn't do it, that we must have sold it to them that way, they demand their money back, all at full on screech decibel, which causes other customers to leave the store.
It's best policy, and it was Old Navy's policy, to just inspect the outside of the garments and return their money, no other questions asked, then place the item back on the sales floor with no further inspections.
Old Navy hated to lose money.
Their items were cheap as it was, having to mark off an item, meant the store lost money, and I know for a fact at my store, that items that smelled like smoke, alcohol, coffee stains, baby throw-up, and other assorted problems, were placed back on the sales floor all the time.
The only items we ever marked off, we ones right off the truck, and usually only if they were broken.
But we'd even sell them, after writing it off as a loss.
We'd mark it down 20% and stick it in the clearance bin as is.
Colleen's story is funny and gross, but nothing new to people who worked in retail.
It doesn't matter what you buy and where, always wash it, spray that new purse down with Lysol, take a Clorox wipe to new toys.
You'd be surprised and sickened by what those of us in the retail field know about the clothes you just bought.
Wash them.
In hot soapy water with a bleach alternative if you can.
Some of the critters we came across, gave us the itchies and a rash that needed a doctor to treat.
January 30, 2008
Lots of strong opinions on the post below.
Most of the women would be as upset as my neighbor, one guy blames the wife for not pleasing her husband in bed, some think she should just tell him she knows, some think she's a liar too, some people think porn is just fine, others think she's violating postal laws by opening his mail.
On the mail issue, the husband has given his wife permission to open all the mail no matter what it is, because she is the one who does all the bill paying.
For the guy who says she's not pleasing her husband as the reason he's turned to porn, what if she is pleasing him? Does that change your view on his porn ordering?
For those who think porn is just fine, remember now, to each person their own. Not everyone likes or enjoys porn like you do. Some people find it nasty and disgusting, and truly oppose it.
He may indeed call the company and ask where his product is, and when they say they were shipped, he'll just keep checking the mail even more. This guy is not the brightest bulb in the bunch here, he lies about where he ate lunch everyday, he's not gonna come out and ask her for this.
For those who think she's a liar as well. Yes, she is, but as a wife who opposes porn of any kind, and has this show up in the mail with her husbands permission to open all mail and packages, she's doing what she thinks she needs to. This is her marriage on the line, not mine, not yours. Two liars under one roof makes for a lot of secrets about a lot of things on both sides of the marital bed.
Would it make any difference to any of you if they had a 12 year old son who shares the exact same name as his father, and could possibly open these packages thinking it's for him?
Does having a kid in the home make any difference at all?
January 29, 2008
Hey honey, did you get the mail?
My neighbor called me up yesterday, asked me to come over for a few, so I went.
I get there and she's wicked upset, like crying shaking upset.
I ask what's wrong and she hands me this package that she opened, it contains 2 DVDs.
They were 2 of the girls gone wild DVDS, uncensored, and the girls on the cover look to be way under the age of consent, but maybe that's one of the reasons why Joe Francis is still sitting his ass in jail.
So anyway, she's super upset that her husband ordered these, and she asks me to help her get rid of them because he'll just look in their trash for them.
I say yeah sure, why not, I'd be pretty upset if my husband ordered this stuff myself.
If I had a husband that is.
About 20 minutes later, her husband pulls into the driveway and checks the mail box.
He comes in the house, asks if the mail came yet, she says yes, she shows him what came.
I've got the package hidden amongst my huge stack of crap junk mail and Netflix movies.
He just stands there and says he has to get back to work.
Now today, he comes home at lunch time again, and again looks in the mail box and asks her if the mail came.
She asks him what he's expecting to come, she'll keep an eye out for it.
He says nothing, just curious what came in the mail.
He leaves and her and I crack up.
He is not gonna tell her what he ordered and waiting for. He ordered porn basically, so he'd be really stupid to say honey, I ordered girls gone wild and they are coming to the house.
What husband in his right mind, would tell his wife about those DVDs, if he ordered them behind her back?
He isn't going to tell her, but every day this week, it will be hilariously funny watching him race home to check the mail.
He won't tell her what he's waiting for to come in the mail, but he thinks he can get the mail before her.
It's funny to me that he's trying to get them before her, but oops, she already got them, and they have been sent out with this mornings garbage collection in my trash cans.
January 28, 2008
Better than a 5 pound sack of flour.
I am anxiously awaiting NBC's new show, The Baby Borrowers.
He looks thrilled doesn't he?
It starts on February 18th, and it's 5 super young couples, that's teenage couples, that want to be parents and think they can handle it.
They are all given the fast-track to adulthood by setting up a home, getting a job and becoming caring parents first to babies, toddlers, pre-teens and their pets, teenagers and senior citizens -- all over the course of three weeks.
They are calling this a social experiment.
I'm calling it fun.
How many of you women out there took the parenting class at their high school?
You know the one I'm talking about. Don't lie.
The teacher handed you a 5 pound sack of flour, and made you "take care" of it for a whole week like it was a real baby.
I did ok until the very last day when John Gagne decided to kidnap my "baby" and take it to all of his classes with him for a day.
Luckily he gave it back to me before my end of day parenting class, or Mrs. Lords would have bitched me out something fierce.
It was such an odd thing, that 5 pound sack of flour.
Nothing like a real baby at all.
It didn't cry, poop, eat, or sleep.
It just was.
This new show will be highly entertaining to me because as a single mom, I didn't have another person there to help me 24/7 like these young couples will have each other.
I want to see how these young dads handle it.
Men are always like I can do it, it's not that hard, but when it comes down to it, they usually cave faster than the girls do.
The catch phrase for this show is "It's not tv, it's birth control".
Betcha 5 bucks one of these teen girls will still want a baby at the end of this.
It will be interesting to see just how real it is, who bails out first, and how often the parents and others who are right next door, have to come step in and help.
This isn't exactly real life if someone is right next door to bail their asses out.
"all the while under 24-hour supervision by nannies and the real parents who are stationed next door, watching via monitor, and able to step in at any time."
Most young moms and dads do not have help right next door, heck, there usually is no help at all.
The show will be interesting though.
I'm curious to see how these kids do, and if this experiment changes their minds on having kids so young.
January 16, 2008
How did you find my blog?
I was doing some stat watching tonight, and one of the fun things about doing that is that you get to see how your visitors found your blog.
I love looking through the search terms to see what brought them here.
In no particular order, here are the most searched keywords that brought people here so far in the month of January.
original little mermaid movie cover
stick figures
term life insurance quotes
check n go lawsuit
fuck math
milk phobia
no on 1 florida
That's just a small sample of searches that helped people find their way here. I hope they were happy with the results they found.
I can't post some of the other searches because then I'll just get more of those searches, and trust me, I do not have what they are looking for. 
December 11, 2007
Santa's runway is melting.
The climate changes are causing the runway which Santa uses to take off and deliver toys from, is melting.
He's not sure if he'll be able to make it this year.
Check it out at Green Santa.
December 9, 2007
The menstruation story.
Back in the 1940's, Disney teamed up with various companies and did public service announcements, and some sex education films.
This is the menstruation story.
Enjoy!
November 27, 2007
Have a happy what?
Last night as the boys and I were watching Desperate Housewives, this commercial for Kraft singles came on.
I nearly bust a gut because some marketing genius decided that it would be awesome to start a new catch phrase.
"Have a happy sandwich."
The very first thing I thought of when I saw it was "Have a happy period."
Seriously, I had tears rolling down my cheeks from laughing so hard.
That marketing genius at Kraft should be fired.
Instead of wanting to eat cheese, all I could think of was maxi-pads with wings.
I didn't want a grilled cheese sandwich, I wanted a happy period with no leaks. hahahahah
They are having a video contest where you can win $50,000 by making a video and a sandwich with Kraft singles.
Do you think I could win if I took two maxi-pads and slapped some cheese in the middle, and said now I can have a happy period because I have Kraft cheese singles?
Hahahahaha
November 24, 2007
Cuticles and pharmaceuticals.
I just found that funny.
Cuticles, pharmaceuticals and skinceuticals.
I don't know why, but the sound of those words make me grin.
They just sound funny.
But skinceuticals are skin care products, and pharmaceuticals are something I know a bit about, and my cuticles are in need of some attention.
I'd go get a mani/pedi, but don't feel like spending the money or trying to figure out what the Korean ladies are saying about me.
They do need some work.
I hate toes, I could never be a pedicurist.
November 23, 2007
Spiders! *faint*
At breakfast this morning, Skye who was sitting near me, noticed my sterling silver spider ring.
I've had it for years, since I was about 17 I think, anyway, Skye does not like spiders, I do not like spiders, but I do love this ring.
So anyway, Skye being freaked out by the ring reminds my sister of this hike her and her family took the other day on a path near their home.
They were just walking along, looking at nature, when her husband stopped her and told her to look up.
About 1 foot above her head, was a huge spider the size of her hand.
Then they started looking around and noticed that they had pretty much walked into a huge nest of spiders.
Webs everywhere, covered in these giant spiders.
Sis let out a scream, which caused Skye to notice the spiders and scream, and they all freaked out and grabbed the girls as quick as they could and ran back out along the path.
I would have either fainted or had a heart attack.
Just hearing sis re-tell the story had my heart racing, my sons were laughing because I was honestly panicking just listening to her tell it.
She even took a napkin and drew the spider with the crayons Denny's gives little kids.
It was enormous!
I felt queasy, light headed, and just sick over the very thought of spiders that large.
I can't go into parks, national parks, I can't go camping at all. The whole idea of all those multi-legged critters everywhere, forget it.
Sleep in a canvas tent?
No way!
I don't camp at all, not even in a camper. The closest I get from sleeping away from home is a hotel room, and even then I make the boys go around the whole room and look for spiders before I can sit on chairs, beds, use the bathroom.
Just writing this is causing my hands to be sweaty and my mouth is dry.
November 23, 2007
Dude, I'm not crazy.
Sis came and picked us up at like 10am-ish, and went straight to Circuit City where we were lucky enough to snag a parking space as some really happy guy was pulling out.
We walked in, pushed our way through the crowds of the insane shoppers, and found a red-shirted clerk.
I asked him a simple question, "Do you have any of the Acer desktops that were on sale for $229, left?"
He gave me this look like I was out of my frigging mind, and said "We've been open since 5am."
So, do you have any left?
"We've been open since 5am, we're lucky we have anything left, but no, not that."
So we left and headed to Denny's for breakfast.
But look, I am not one of those completely insane people, who wake up at 2am to stand in a line at a store that opens at 5am.
Why do stores do that anyway?
It's their fault that people get up before the sun, it's their fault they have nothing left to sell during oh my gosh! normal business operating hours, don't look at me like I'm the one off my rocker.
Seriously, I know it's the one day of the year that companies do really freaking awesome, but come on, order enough freaking product to at least last you to noon you idiots.
Don't offer amazing deals and then stock only 10 of them.
Arrgh.
They did have tons of other stuff though, pink xbox 360 controllers, like a zillion of those, stacks upon stacks of tv utility carts, thousands of copies of Guitar Hero III
So yeah anyway, we went to Denny's and met up with my sister's friend Henata for breakfast.
I cannot believe how much food that little cutie pie pictured there ate.
That is Skye, and this is what mommy ordered for her, and what she finished completely.
3 kid size pancakes, 2 strips of bacon and 2 sausage links.
That was a kids meal!
Then she saw what I ordered and wanted to "help Aunty Kat eats it."
I ordered the meat lovers breakfast which is 2 eggs over easy, hash browns, 2 bacon strips, 2 sausage links, 1 small ham steak, and a 3 stack of pancakes.
Sebastian took my bacon and sausage, all 4 pieces, Skye ate over half of my ham and 80% of my hash browns.
I ate my eggs, the other half of the ham and hash browns, and then decided to try and eat some of the pancakes.
Skye kept asking to "help" me, so I kept giving her bites.
I asked her mom if it was ok, she said it was, and between Skye and myself, we almost finished the stack.
I looked at this tiny 3 year old who asked if there was more "meats and hashes", and said to her, "Skye, where did you put all that food?"
She gave me a super puzzled look and then said,
"In my mouf Aunty Kat."
November 23, 2007
Guitar Hero 3 turkey day battle results!
It was loud, it was funny, and in the end, I got my ass handed to me on a platter!!
We each played 3 songs, and combined the total points earned, not the percentages completed or correct, but total points.
So let's just get this total asswiping over with and get on to the results shall we?
In third place (me) with a seriously lame score of just 21,478 points, Kat! (boo, hiss, you suck!)
In second place with a very respectable score of 458,783, Mark! (w00t!)
In first place, and winner of the $20 Guitar Hero 3 Cooper Thanksgiving day battle, with a super most excellent score of 542,360, Sebastian! (winner, bow down)
November 14, 2007
Like OMG! U R so Gr8!
I rarely ever log in to Myspace, but I just did to go through messages and friends requests, and I had a friends request and a message that made my eyeballs bleed.
Public education failed this girl in a big way.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOK well baisically im judi ( waves ) im 17 i live in kingsteignton woo hoo ( not reli dat xciting ) ive jus done my as levels well drama thts it!.i av sum reli gr8 friends n sum not so gr8 friends but im not guna name names cough annie cough!!! i work but aint guna say where ill leave tht up 2 u 2 find out! ill give u a clue its the home ov the wopper!! i av a GORGEOUS boyfriend called colin he is my world! love u baby! any way im runnin away so COMMENT ME PLEASE i feel unloved! kisses x x x
And I know it says she's only 17, why she requested to be friends with me i have no idea, but she does not look 17 at all.
She looks like she's in her mid-30's.
I'm not kidding.
If she's really 17, she's had a really rough life already.
November 4, 2007
Sunday funnies.
Sebastian and I went to the store yesterday to grab some food that the girls could eat, and on our way there as we were walking, we saw this kid on a bicycle with a Chrysler 300 accessory emblem around his neck on a big silver chain.
Not a nice necklace chain either, but an actual chain.
He actually had the hood emblem on a real chain, around his neck. I about died laughing, Sebastian is elbowing me telling me to shut up.
What made it worse was this was a little white kid, probably around 12 or 13 years old, with his pants around the crack of his butt, his baseball hat on sideways, and this Chrysler hood emblem on his neck.
I was waiting for him to smile or say hi or something so I could see if he had a gold tooth or maybe some grillz too.
I was cracking up!
And also, yesterday afternoon while we were cleaning, I decided to film Shahiro doing what she loves to do.
Attack an old bicycle seat.
I know I sound like a total dork in this video, but the more you talk to her and tell her to kill it, the more excited she gets and does it.
She also will do it more if you pull her tail a bit which is what you see Sebastian's hand doing in the video.
I swear this cat is psycho.
She is 2 years old right now and still the size of a kitten, so we call her kitten, or baby kitteh, more than we actually call her by her name.
She is so tiny!
She's adorable and crazy!
November 2, 2007
Cat gack in the dark.
I just walked into my room to lay down and try to pop out my back, when I stepped in something wet and squishy.
I keep my room pitch black, so I had to go turn on the light to see what it was.
It was cat gack.
A huge steaming pile of cat gack.
I hate it when they do that!
I walked out into the bathroom balancing myself on my heal so I didn't track it everywhere, and tell the boys I need help.
When I told them what happened, they both started laughing.
Yeah.
Uh-huh, it's a real knee slapper boys.
November 1, 2007
I am so old. Older then Jiffy Pop.
Sebastian told me this a few weeks ago, I just forgot to tell you about it.
We were out at Walgreen's waiting on one of my prescriptions and he was wandering up and down the aisles.
He comes back with a popcorn machine, and asks me what it is.
So I tell him, it's a popcorn machine silly, did you read the box?
"Why do you need a machine? Don't people have microwaves?"
Yes, but some people like to make it this way.
"Why?"
Because some people just like it that way, some people like the microwave kind, and some people still even use Jiffy Pop.
"What's that?"
Jiffy Pop were these little things full of popcorn kernels, shaped like frying pans almost.
You put them on your stover burner, and sorta shook them back and forth until all the popcorn was popped.
"They didn't have microwaves when you were a kid?"
Well no, not until I was older. I think I was about your age when my mom and dad got our first microwave, and Jiffy Pop is how my mom made the popcorn until then, and I think microwave popcorn was invented a few years later actually.
"Mom, you are sooo old."
Thanks buddy. Love you too.
"No mom, really, you're old."
Really Sebastian, thanks for the reminder.
Turdnugget.
"Old lady."
Fartknocker.
"Old. Lady."
Ok, shut up now before this old lady beats you with her walker.
*He laughs and walks to put the box back on the shelf still calling me old lady.*
Kids are brutal man.
October 29, 2007
Organic Batter Blaster!
That's right, I said batter Blaster.
No, not that kind of batter, but pancake batter.
The Organic Batter Blaster is pancake mix in a spray can, kinda like whip cream.
They have a FAQ that tells you all about their product.
They have a store locator in the sidebar in case you want to try this out.
There are none near me, maybe you'll have better luck, and if you do, you have to get this and try it out and tell us how it is!
Just check out the little movie they have that shows you how this works, and tell me that this isn't cool!
October 28, 2007
No masks at 7-11 for Halloween.
On my walk today, Sebastian and I swung into 7-11 for some Gatorades to drink while we finished our walk, and spotted this sign on the front doors.
So If you are taking your kids trick or treating and stop in at your local stores like 7-11, no one, even children, are allowed to wear any animal masks, ghost masks, Batman, or any other face covering type of mask, into their stores on Halloween night.
The clerk said that Halloween is the night of the year that they get many robbery attempts because people are wearing costumes and masks.
She said kids can still be brought in to do trick or treat, but no masks are allowed to be covering anyone's face when they enter, and as long as they remain in the store.
October 28, 2007
It's the end, better be prepared.
I was going over my Amazon stats just now, and came across several orders for survival books.
I'm not sure if the same person bought one of each that is being sold, or if several people are all preparing for something bad to happen.
But this one, The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Extreme Edition
Odd.
What will you learn in this book?
Imperiled readers will learn immediate, hands-on strategies for surviving an elephant stampede, a 16-car pile-up, a mine collapse, and a nuclear attack. Discover how to take a bullet, control a runaway hot air balloon, break a gorilla's grip, endure a Turkish prison, and free a limb from a bear trap. Whether stranded on an iceberg, being chased by a pack of wolves, spinning out on a motorcycle, or being buried alive, The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Extreme Edition has all the right stuff for those times when everything goes wrong.
.
There's even one for parents, The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Parenting
I may have to check both of these titles out.
Ya know, I am a parent, and who knows, there may come a day when I need to be living off the grid and end up crash landing in my hot air balloon in a zoo in Turkey, and get thrown in prison, because I broke the gorillas arm when I broke free of his grip after being chased by the pack of wolves whose cage I landed in.
Hey, it could happen.
October 25, 2007
Google spanked!
October 5, 2007
Read on the interwebs today.
"Please refrain from curse words on your website, it threatens my morality."
Bwahahahaahaha!
It was said in total sarcasm, and ya gotta love that.
I just read it, and nearly spit diet soda all over my monitor. (Yes, I did make it out to get some more. After my editing shift was over. Mouth was very dry. very dry.)
See, some people write they like speak, like sailors on a hot day with a bad case of crabs, or some other equally "rude" type person, and they got rejected for excessive profanity.
As someone who loves to say fuck, fuck it, suck it and die, I feel this persons agony as they were told they curse too much.
But unlike them and their decision to not fight this one, I'm relieved I don't deal with that bullshit anymore.
Sure, I get the occasional commentator here and there, telling me ladies shouldn't speak like garbage men, but hey, who said I was a "lady" anyway?
I'm me, whoever that is, and one of the small things that makes me smile, is saying some word that threatens other peoples' morality.
*laugh*
Really? Your morality is threatened because I said fuck?
Wow, I had no idea I held that much power, but thanks for letting me know.
I'll be sure to do it more often. Ha ha hahaha ha
September 13, 2007
Kat, this is a serious subject. Stop laughing. Now.
I found the brick law building no problem.
Dr. B. was a few minutes late, but that's ok, because I had a stack of questionnaires to fill out for him.
How old are you, what meds are you on now, why are you here, check off all these diseases you might have, surgeries, childbirths, marital status, moods, vitamins, etc etc etc.
9 pages of questions.
So much fun!
Not.
Then Dr. B. comes bursting into the office and says hello with giant grin on his face, and rushes to the back.
A few minutes later he comes out to get me.
I follow him back, left, left, right, right, sit.
Weeeee!
We sit down at this little round table in an absolutely freezing room, and he starts reading the lab reports I had done for Dr. F., and then starts talking to me.
He's this little old German man.
With a stutter.
Dr. B: I-I-I would have to agree with Dr. F., that the reason you are having m-m-m-migraines, and ir-ir-iregular m-m-menstrual cycles, and in-in-increased p-p-pain during that time of the m-m-month, is because your tes-tes-testosterone le-le-levels are so low.
Kat to self: Kat, wipe that smile off your face right now! Stop it!
Dr B.: W-w-we can take care of this with i-i-iether a tes-tes-testosterone cream you would a-a-aply once a d-d-day at night, or w-w-with a tes-tes-testosterone injection once a w-w-week for 6 w-w-weeks. The d-d-difference is one in-in-insurance w-w-will p-p-pay for, and the other it w-w-won't.
Y-y-you also n-n-need t-t-to m-m-make an ap-p-pointment w-w-with y-y-your g-g-gynecologist for an exam.
Kat to Dr B.: I'll take the one insurance will pay for.
Kat to self: Kat! Are you listening to me?! Wipe that smile off your f-f-face right now! This is serious! LOL, Kat!!!! Stop it!!!
Dr B.: Y-y-you said you have tr-tr-trouble sleeping? E-e-explain for me p-p-please?
Kat to Dr. B.: Yeah, I have wicked bad insomnia for days on end. 4 out of 7 days, I don't fall asleep until well after 5am, the other 3 days, I'm awake well after 2 or 3 am. I have to force myself to sleep. I've taken every over the counter sleep aid plus melatonin, and there were even a few times I was so desperate to sleep, I took a couple shots of Nyquil.
When I do sleep, I am only asleep for 3-4 hours at best.
Kat to self: Kat, stop. Now. This poor old man, think of him would you? You're grinning again, stop it, if you bust out laughing, he's gonna feel bad.
Dr. B. : O-k-k-kay, have y-y-you ever t-t-taken Ambien b-b-before?
Kat to Dr. B.: Yes, I have. Right after my back surgery, they gave it to me for 30 days. It worked good.
Dr. B. G-g-good. I am g-g-going to give y-y-you some Ambien as w-w-well as the tes-tes-testosterone in-in--injections. M-m-make s-s-sure y-y-you ask the pha-pha-pharmacist t-t-to sh-sh-show you wh-wh-where on the n-n-needle to f-f-fill t-t-to. It's a very sm-sm-small dose.
I-I-I had a p-p-patient, g--g-give herself the wr-wr-wrong amount every d-d-day in-in-stead of once a w-w-week. This is how m-m-much, and y-y-you only in-in-inject it once a w-w-week. I-i-in 6 w-w-weeks, y-y-you w-w-will come b-b-back, and w-w-we w-w-will see how y-y-you are d-d-doing.
Kat to Dr. B.: Ok, Sounds good, but I have a question, will this make my hair grow faster and thicker, and in places I don't want it to? Like on my face and chest and stuff? I don't want to look like a man ya know.
Kat to self: Why. Did. You. Have. To. Ask. That?!?! Oh my god! Kat! Stop fucking grinning, look out the window or something, think of dead kittens! Fuck he's gonna stutter through this whole answer. Help me. This is serious business Kat, you have to stop!
Dr. B.: Th-th-the p-p-patient wh-wh-who to-t-took to-t-too m-m-much li-li-like I-I-I t-t-told you, y-y-yes, she grew f-f-facial hair, and s-s-some around her n-n-nipples.
Kat to self: Oh my freaking god! N-n-nipples! Hahahahahah! Please Dr. B., I can't take anymore, please let this appointment end. LOL
Kat to Dr. B.: Ok! I will definitely NOT be doing that!
Dr. B.: O-k-k-kay then, I-I-I w-w-will see y-y-you in 6 w-w-weeks.
Kat to Dr. B.: Great, thanks, nice to meet you, have a really nice day!
Dr. B.: B-b-bye b-b-bye. If y-y-you have any qu-qu-questions, p-p-please call m-m-me.
Kat to Dr. B.: I will, thanks!
*Pay my $150 to the nurse, schedule my next appointment for 6 weeks, and haul ass outta the office, practically run to the elevator, get in, the doors close, and I busted out laughing for 8 straight floors to the lobby.
N-n-n-nipples! Bwahahahahahaha!
I laughed pretty much all the way to the bus depot, and then nearly lost it when I passed the Sarasota Herald Tribune building, where they have 5 giant Monistat ovule "art" displayed.
I made it back to my side of town, went to W-w-walgreens wh-wh-where they d-d-didn't have the tes-tes-testosterone in stock, but w-w-will have it t-t-tomorrow.
Hahahahahah!
I told them to just have that and the Ambien ready tomorrow, and I'll go back and pick it up.
Then I went to Publix and grabbed some stuff for dinner, and more soda, and came home.
September 13, 2007
I'm just waiting for it.
I took a screen shot of something tonight to show people I wasn't making it up just to stir up trouble.
Anyway, I snapped the shot, posted it in the discussion, and then I realized that a search I was doing, is in the screen shot.
Click for bigger.
Bwahahahahahahahahhaha!
Oh my god, I had tears rollin' down my cheeks when I realized that is in the shot.
Why was I searching for marbles in girlfriends ass?
On another forum, a guy posted this absolutely, no way is it true kind of story about what?
Yup, marbles in his girlfriends ass.
I, and several others thought he was plagiarizing, so I went in search of the original story and found it.
By the time I went back to the forum, someone else had already posted the link to the original.
So now I'm sitting here waiting for someone on the other site where I posted the screen shot, to notice the search hit and say something.
I'll just direct them here to this post, and keep laughing.
Hahahaha!
September 12, 2007
The ferocious beast has been captured.
The wild and ferocious feline, was captured today.
Shahiro, as the natives call her in legends and stories handed down, was placed behind a single pane cage grid today.
The bottom shelving unit from the coffee table was being used to keep the roomba from entering the kitchen.
Yes I have the wall unit thingies, but no "D" cell batteries right now, so I rigged a wall unit.
Anyway, Shahiro was jokingly placed behind it, and she couldn't figure out how to get out.
It's not even as high as the kitchen counter where she jumps on it to get in the kitchen window and torture the dog next door, but she's obviously not smart enough to look up, jump on the counter, and jump into the dining room.
She finally just laid there, gave up, knackered out.
Poor Shahiro kitty.
But damn was it funny watching her try to get out when it's so obvious how to get out. *laughs*
September 12, 2007
I might have pee'd a little.
I just went to the bathroom, had my panties about mid-ass crack when I saw it.
What did I see?
A spider.
A wolf spider.
On my bathroom floor about 10 inches from my big toe.
I'm deathly afraid of spiders, and rightly so.
And right there, in front of my big toe, with my panties mid-ass crack, in a half hunched over position getting ready to pee, was a wolf spider.
I froze in absolute terror, hunched over now gripping my panties instead of the usual sliding down motion, I was clutching them for dear life.
I have no idea why, it's not like my panties could save my big toe from the evil spider.
Then Kali kitty came strutting in to be pet while I pee, cats know you're trapped on the can, so you're forced to pet them.
She was getting ready to rub against my leg, when she saw it and reached her paw for it.
It jumped!!!!
When it jumped, I jumped, and scrambled to get my panties back up and dash out of there as fast as possible, and Kali is this ginormous cat, and I stumbled over her, and I'm pretty sure some pee escaped while a quick squeely gasp left my lips.
I darted out of the bathroom, grabbed Shahiro kitty, and threw her into the bathroom with Kali.
What do you think they did with it?
They played with it, chased it around the bathroom till it went behind the toilet.
It's behind the toilet.
I cannot pee under these conditions.
There's a wolf spider behind my toilet, or by now, hidden behind the seat lid, or on top of the tank hiding behind my stack of magazines, just waiting for me to sit and urinate so it can crawl on me and bite me, or crawl into my hair, and bite my head, or let it's babies run loose, or all kinds of other horrible thoughts that have now gone through my head!!
I don't think anyone can possibly understand the severe trauma that one incident with the spider while camping, has caused me.
This is a paralyzing fear, I break out in a sweat, I can't breathe, and I certainly cannot pee while I know there's a fucking wolf spider behind the toilet!
September 7, 2007
Top 10 reasons by Christine!
Seriously, y'all have to go watch Christine's video on the top 10 reasons you should join PayU2Blog.com.
That was so funny, I was loving the sound effects, her reasons, all of it.
Awesome job Christine!
September 4, 2007
Leave it to me.
I went and took a shower because it was just such a long hot day, I felt gross, I can't sleep when I feel like that, so shower, shave, and hair cleaning was in order.
I was combing the conditioner through my hair in the shower, and I dunno, I think I sneezed or something, but I inhaled a ton of water, some conditioner, and hair.
Now, I'm like choking and coughing, on this hair stuck in my throat.
If you've seen my hair, you know how long it is, which means there's this giant, mile long hair trapped in my throat and it's not budging up or down.
I've gargled, I've taken huge gulps of water, soda, I've coughed, I've hacked, and it's still stuck there!
I feel like my cat Kali hacking up a hairball.
I guess in a way I am hacking up a hairball. *laughs* *cough* *choke*
September 3, 2007
I found my ring.
The ring that mysteriously disappeared earlier this afternoon?
Yeah, that one.
It seems that my troll is actually a certain kitten named Shahiro.
I found her walking around with it in her mouth in my bedroom, a few minutes ago.
Little thief.
September 3, 2007
The house troll struck again.
I have been wearing this ring since I got it, I never take it off.
I had it on, it slipped off right here at my chair.
It should be right here at my chair, or under the couch or desk.
It's not. It's completely gone.
Vanished.
We moved every piece of furniture, every single thing it could have rolled under, it's simply gone.
The fucking house trolls took it that fast.
I'm going to hire an exterminator for those little fucks.
September 3, 2007
Stupid dog!
Hahahaha! I love watching Shahiro torture and tease the dog next door.
It's so funny!
He's all barking and growling, choking himself on his chain to get at her, and he can't! Ha!
In other news, my nieces won't be coming over today. *sad*
Their daddy is not feeling well, but hey, at least we don't have to super clean the house today right?
August 19, 2007
It's time for a new shirt.
Go to Foul Mouth shirts, and help me pick out a new t-shirt to wear when I have to answer the door.
This is one of my faves, but I would actually like to pick up at least two new ones, so help me out!
August 17, 2007
There is no greater sin than central air.
That's just a short version of a line from a movie, but it rings true.
I love AC. I have it set really low, so low, the teens are usually wrapped in a blanket.
But some of the meds I take increase my body temp, so I'm always hot.
I stepped outside to go to dinner this evening, and it was so humid and hot, I was so glad sis' auto air conditioning was working perfectly.
I got in, buckled up, and turned the little vents right on my face. Then set my side of her minivan AC unit, to like 69. She keeps the whole car at like 72, but lets me switch mine because she knows how hot I get.
Oh my gawd! This one time, I went on a date with this guy who came and picked me up. He had a really nice mustang, black, really pretty.
Anyway, as we're pulling out of my driveway, he tells me the AC doesn't work.
I'm thinking wtf, but I just smiled and said that's ok.
I didn't want to be rude ya know?
So anyway, no AC on a date, going all the way to freaking Tampa for a party, at the beginning of summer.
By the time we arrived, I was a mess.
I practically ran into the house, and begged for a drink, and asked if they had a fan.
I was dying!
I could barely breathe, my hair was a wreck, my make-up had run, and I was just sweating to death.
The woman having the party was like what the hell happened? Did he attack you or something? Kat! You look awful, calm down, take deep breaths!
Another one of our female friends came into the bathroom the girl brought me into with a huge fan in it, and this massive AC vent in the floor.
They were both worried he had attacked me before bringing me to the party.
I told them my "date" drove us from Sarasota to Tampa with no AC. Even with the windows down and going like 90 all the way there, it's nothing but hot ass fucking steam blowing on you.
This is Florida! You cannot go without AC in your cars here!
I mean you can, if you're a fucking sadist!
But for gods sake people, get your damn AC fixed if you're going on a first fucking date and driving for an hour!
Needless to say, that was our first and only date.
August 16, 2007
Picture pages, picture pages.
Mark was feeling better, so I made him the home made hot wings I was supposed to cook for his birthday last night.
All I do is dump the wings on a cookie sheet, sprinkle them with a ton of cayenne pepper, and dump a whole bottle of hot sauce on them.
I bake them for about 45 minutes till done.
He ate the whole cookie sheet himself, (about 30 wings) except for those last 4.
Last night when Sebastian and I walked up to 7-11, this is what we saw upon entering the parking lot.
Four police cars. I thought the place might be getting robbed or something, but no, they were all (8 officers in total) just standing around inside drinking slurpies and coffee.
Do you think it's time for a haircut yet?
August 14, 2007
Shahiro needs a playhouse.
Shahiro is our kitten, she's not exactly a kitten, she'll be 2 years old in November, but she's still this tiny little thing.
Anyway, she needs a playhouse or cat house as I think they are called. I found some really nice ones on a site that sells pet supplies.
The prices aren't bad at all, and they have a lot of cool designs, shapes, heights, and different materials they are made from.
Shahiro runs all over the house. Up and down and over, every single piece of furniture. She likes to hide under the tables, and then attack whoever, or whatever cat or person walks by.
Unsuspectingly.
Ouch!
She would love a cat house!
I think Nova and Kali would love it too. Nova likes to hide under blankets and in boxes all the time.
And looking over the rest of that site, they have a ton of other very cool, very nice products for dogs, cats and other pets.
You should definitely check out the internet pet emporium if you're in need of a cat house, dog house, or other pet need.
When I get some extra money, maybe for Christmas, I'll get the kitties a cat house to play in.
Maybe then Shahiro will stop hiding under the tables and making my toes bleed as I walk by.
August 13, 2007
Roomba and other such useful robots.
The teens and I ventured out one day, to do some shopping, and on our way home, we got to talking about our littlest kitty, Shahrio, and how she needs to be fixed.
Sebastian doesn't think it's humane to strip her of her girly bits, so Mark started talking about inventions for cats, and for other people who might find it (spaying and neutering) cruel as well.
Now, you have to understand my teens are creative, witty, and slightly twisted.
They get this from me.
Sorry about that.
Mark came up with a brilliant idea in a matter of seconds.
"Kinda like the roomba" he says, "only for cats in heat."
The little cat robot would be on it's little charger stand and waiting to sense when your female cat has gone into heat.
Once it detects the meows from your precious furball in heat, it's robot eyes open and scan for the tell tale signs of the cat doing the belly shuffle across the floor with it's butt up in the air.
Then the cat robot would remove itself from it's charging base, and proceed to caterwaul to the female cat, seducing your fur baby.
The female cat will want it so badly, she won't care that it's a robot, heck, she's tried to have all your other pets, your shoes and the table leg, "help her out", why not a cat robot?
The cat robot is equipped with the anatomically correct size male cat parts, and proceeds to mount your darling cat.
It does it's thing, your female cat thinks it's been properly pleased, and goes out of heat.
The cat robot then goes back to it's charging base, and goes into hibernate mode until it detects the next heat cycle.
Now, while I laughed myself silly at this on our way home, it got me thinking, this could be useful to people who are truly against modifying their pets natural state.
Not only would people who find spaying and neutering cruel, possibly find it useful, but it would also prevent the accidental litters of kittens that no one wants, and the entire reason we spay and neuter in the first place.
We call it the Auto-kitty Roomba.
Continue Reading �
August 12, 2007
They smell manly now.
One of the other things we bought while out shopping on Friday, was some of that new Suave 2 in 1 shampoo and conditioner for men.
They requested it.
None of the shampoos or conditioners currently in our bathroom have perfume scents, or fruity scents, I have scent allergies, practically everything I buy comes unscented.
But they wanted it.
I obliged.
Later on at home, I asked the teens as we were putting our purchases away, why they wanted that shampoo when we already have 2 in 1 shampoo that they picked out the last time.
They had me buy some Pert Plus like 2 weeks ago.
They said, "Because it smells manly mom. We want to smell good."
"So why didn't you just ask me to get you some cologne or something?" I asked.
"Because most colognes smell nasty mom. You start sweating, it ends up smelling funky. Like sweaty cheese. This is shampoo, it gets you clean, so it is clean, and it adds a manly smell" Mark said.
"Oh. My bad" I said.
They might smell a whole lot better if they would stop farting all the time.
August 12, 2007
@!#$#@! Ouch!!!
I had been washing dishes about an hour ago, and when I finished, I went to help Mark put away his new school clothes.
I have long natural nails, and I'm not wearing any polish on them right now.*
I was ripping open a package of t-shirts, and my left ring finger fingernail, bent backwards.
All the way.
Fucking ouch god dammit! @!##%$@!!$%#@!!!
My hands were dry, but you know how soft fingernails get after being in water for any lentgh of time.
They just get all bendy.
It freaking hurt man.
It still hurts.
Amazingly though, the nail didn't break or split where it bent.
There's no splitting at all.
See? I still have my nail!
*I plan on doing my nails tomorrow. I got a new kit of Nubar nail polish in the mail yesterday, and I can't wait to try it out.
August 11, 2007
I didn't make it.
Once again, I didn't make it to the end of the incredibly shiteous movie that is Battlefield Earth.
It is actually still playing on the CW, goes off at 2:30, but I just couldn't take another minute of it.
I've never made it through the whole movie.
Has anyone ever made it through the whole movie?
I've tried multiple times now, every time it's on, I give it a go, I think I even rented it once.
But nope, I can never, ever make it to the end.
Does it end?
How does it end?
No, don't tell me, I really don't give a shit.
Just once I'd like to say I finished watching Battlefield Earth and survived.
It has got to be the worst movie ever made in the history of movies.
Has to be.
I was attempting to finish it this time, I only had 30 minutes to go, and Sebastian says to me, "Mom, if you hate it so much, can I play xbox? You hate it, it's gay, stupid, sucky, shitty, horrible acting, did you hear that line? Dear god mom, let me shut it off and play xbox!"
So I conceded and let the boy play.
I wasn't going to make it anyway.
I was cursing the screen, yelling at Travolta, laughing at how bad it was.
But one of these days, I will make it to the end, and I'll make myself a t-shirt that says I watched the flaming piece of shit known as Battlefield Earth, and Lord Xenu is a fucking joke.
August 11, 2007
It ain't black, but I'm gonna rock it anyway!
I was sitting here half assed watching the truly terrible Battlefield Earth, and a Ron Paul for president video on youtube, (I was really paying attention to that) and a knock on the door nearly scared me half to death.
I had no clue who it was, so I didn't answer it, (I often ignore the door and the phone. If it's important, keep trying! LOL) instead I peaked out the window to see FedEx pulling out of my driveway.
I opened my door, not expecting any package or anything, to find this huge envelope sitting between my doors.
It said Triangle Direct.
Hey! I know those people!
I ripped open the package, and found 2 t-shirts, 1 to rock out like so;
And 1 to keep for ever, because it's signed.
Yeah sure, I could Ebay it, but yo, it's personalized.
JG said, "Sorry it's not a black shirt", and Keith said, "Kat, you rock!"
I think Derek is calling me Bloggy McBlogger, and Tony said, "Thanks for all your hard work."
You guys are so welcome, and thank you!
PayU2Blog.com rocks, and I'm happy to be a part of their blogging team.
People are gonna die to see me wearing white. *evil laugh*
August 10, 2007
They really are biodegradable!
I received a small box early this evening with a nice product in it, but it was packed with those styrofoam peanuts.
I hate having to dispose of them, especially if they are not the kind that degrades, because then I have to bag them up, feel guilty, etc.
So as I was unpacking the box and getting ready to bag up the peanuts and then break down the box, Sebastian tells me these are the kind that degrade.
I'm all no way, how?
"Like this!" he says.*
Step 1, dump peanuts in the sink like so.
Step 2, start running water over the peanuts.
Step 3, watch as peanuts completely dissolve in water. (hot or cold, doesn't matter)
I thought that was pretty cool indeed.
Continue Reading �
August 6, 2007
Are you a pee-pee chatter?
You know, you use bathroom time to make phone calls, or someone calls you while they are using it, ya know, pee chatting?
What about going to the bathroom as a group?
I personally can't stand it when people call me while they are using the bathroom and they feel the need to tell me they are peeing or pooing.
I also hate it when groups of women share the same stall at a nightclub or restaurant.
They say they are all girls, all friends, saves time, not a big deal.
No, I'm sorry, it is a big deal.
I do not want to share the stall with you even if there is a big line waiting.
I'll wait.
It won't kill me to wait.
I have no desire to see or hear you pee.
What about you?
Are you a pee chatter?
How about a bathroom buddy?
August 5, 2007
UNO, Oh No!
My teens are gamers, they play on line games on the pc, they have a Playstation 2, and an Xbox360.
A few days ago, a friend on Xbox live, (Xbox is live play for many games. You can chat with other players, send messages, talk to team mates etc) invited the boys to play the Xbox version of the popular card game UNO.
We didn't have this game, but in the Xbox live marketplace, you can buy it for 400 points.
Points are purchased at the Xbox.com live site using a credit card, and then using your controller, you can shop the marketplace for games, expansion packs for games, and even movies to rent and watch.
The boys had about 800 points left from the last time I purchased points to rent a movie and buy some new maps for Gears of War, so I let them buy the UNO game and download it so they could play with their friends.
They played it most of the afternoon, had an absolute blast with it and their friends.
Some of the other gamers, (not their friends, just other on line players) had web cams, and were using their cams as their player avatars.
It was kinda cool, they could see who they were playing with.
We had all stayed up very late the other night, the teens playing GoW, LOTR BFME, Oblivion, and UNO.
It was very late, approximately 3:30 in the morning. None of us could sleep, so at least I had company during my bout of insomnia instead of sitting here in dead silence like I usually am.
They were playing UNO at this late hour, and 2 of the 4 players in the UNO match, had web cams. Every thing was going fine, laughing, chatting, playing the family fun card game.
Then it happened.
Continue Reading �
July 17, 2007
I'm a big cat.
I know a lot of people will say something along the lines of; "Oh no, not me, I don't participate in on line forums."
But they'd be lying.
Bloggers often hang at forums looking for interesting bits to post to their blogs, or just relieve boredom for a few hours.
Forums can be a hella lot of fun, or they can give you a migraine headache.
On a forum I frequent this morning, I found this little gem, Flame Warriors.
It's an identifier of sorts, to help you figure out your place in the forum community.
They have great descriptions, I saw many people I know in those descriptions, too funny.
I believe I am the Big Cat.
But I could be Toxic Granny. It's hard to say. I could be a combo of both most likely.
Do you play on forums?
If so, who are you?
July 11, 2007
Don't breathe in the iSmoke!
I absolutely love the will it blend site.
That stuff cracks me up.
The host, Tom, has blended an iPhone.
Oh man, this is awesome!
Check it out!
June 20, 2007
Run along small children and the easily offended.
Apparently there were these words that are offensive.
* dead (4x)
* death (3x)
* suck (2x)
* pain (1x)
I'm shocked they didn't pick up the really nasty ones I just posted the other day. *wink*
Via Solonor
June 14, 2007
So comfy and absorbent, you can even ride a bike or go swimming!
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of Tampax and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?" "Five", the boy replied. The man continued, "Do you know how these are used?" The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They are for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. "He can't do either one."
June 13, 2007
I got hit on by a 19 year old.
I laughed at him.
I couldn't help it. I told him, dude, I'm 18 years older than you, my youngest son is only 3 years younger than you, while the compliment is totally rockin', this would never work out.
Then I went about my business totally laughing about it.
I have no idea if he was gonna say anything else, I just walked away.
I'm such a horrid bitch sometimes.
Hahaha.
June 6, 2007
Top Gear in Alabma. Almost get killed.
Watch this video.
The guys from Top Gear at the BBC, have a little fun with a game called try to get the other guy killed.
They paint offensive things on each other's cars to see who may get shot at first in the bible beating state of Alabama.
There's a few rules in that state, they are;
Love Nascar, love God, and love the president.
And oh yeah, don't hate country music or be gay.
Freaking hysterical!
May 27, 2007
It's fun to stay at the....
May 15, 2007
A kiss from me to you.
Just wanted to send all my lovely readers a big kiss.
I figured I'd throw in a little dance too.
Enjoy!
May 3, 2007
Perverted pop tarts?
I was eating a pop tart this morning, and noticed the packaging.
Um.
Click for bigger.
I know it's hard to read because of the shiny foil packaging, but there's a mouth at penis level, the boy character is saying directly to the mouth, "let me do the talking."
Did pop tarts intend for the mouth to be at penis level on the boy character?
I admit it made me laugh, but who are pop tarts marketed at?
Kids.
This is just really kind of perverted in my opinion.
But still, kind of funny.
April 21, 2007
The funniest thing I have seen all week.
Seriously, you have to watch this, you're gonna die laughing.
But I am going to give you a warning.
This video contains the word penis approximately 100 times. It may even be more than that.
Penis power.
April 19, 2007
I tossed out my old pc in Monday nights trash.
Now you're thinking, ok, so what Kat?
Well I'll tell you what.
I meant to remove the hard drive from it but completely forgot.
I did not wipe it clean.
See where I'm headed yet?
Lots of things were on that pc, some stuff I could care less if someone finds, but I had pictures on there.
No, not full nudes, get your minds out of the gutter!
But I did have pics of myself from past boobiethons.
*sigh*
Now this all wouldn't be so terribly bad if the garbage/recycle people had gotten to it. It would be destroyed.
But it never made it to their truck.
We put our trash out Monday night, Tuesday morning it gets taken by waste management.
Tuesday the garbage and recycle people never came till mid-afternoon, but I noticed when I got home from my appointment, various bits of my garbage were missing.
Two old broken fans, an old chair, a broken lamp.
The computer was gone as well.
It never even clicked with me that it was missing from the pile of trash until last night.
I was sitting here going through my stats, and I came across a hit from this years boobiethon.
I sat bolt upright.
"My hard drive!" I screamed.
"Huh? What mom? Is the new computer broken?!" my sons said.
I slunk back down into my seat, said no no, it's fine, don't worry about it.
I sat here panicking to myself. My hard drive! My pics! Oh dear freaking god! I am a fucking moron!
Someone had picked my trash and taken my old boobie pics.
I can only hope that the drive which was dying a painful death and was the reason for my new pc, somehow died even further sitting in my room since December.
Maybe it rained a bit on Monday night and helped kill it a bit more.
Maybe they will plug the thing in and it just won't fire up, or if it does, that they have no idea how to retrieve files.
Maybe monkeys will fly outta my butt too.
April 19, 2007
I qualify for a $5,000 loan!
Ok, not really, but that's what the local citibank branch manager said in his letter I got just now.
That all I have to do is come in and present him this letter, and I qualify for a loan. $5,000 big ones.
This is of course, one of those typical form letters that get sent out from companies to try and drum up new business.
They obviously don't realize that I have credit issues, and they'd be turning me down for this loan.
But, the letter does say that I qualify for it, and I just have to hand them the letter.
Maybe I should just go on down there and give it to them, and ask for the cash now please.
You think it will go well? hahahahahah
March 26, 2007
Russian nesting cats. ha!
I found the funniest meme cats site over on Meredith's blog.
She has a little feature called quick links which I find very cool and useful.
But back to meme cats. What are meme cats?
They are pics people have taken of cats, innocent pics, that other people have turned into the funny.
This is one of my most fave one ever.
But Russian nesting cats is so cute.
Go check them all out. It's teh funniez.
March 26, 2007
This is your brain on insomnia.
I got up just now and am sitting here taking my morning meds, reading my emails, before taking a shower for my PT appointment.
Google emails me that I have no events scheduled today.
That's not right, I think to myself. I know I have PT, I entered in all the dates as soon as I came home.
I click on calendar, and low and behold, PT is tomorrow morning at 10:15am.
I go get my wallet, still thinking this isn't right, I dig out the little card from them with all my appointments on it.
Yup, tomorrow, March 27th, at 10:15am.
My alarm went off at 7am, and I laid there for two minutes, almost in tears because I am so tired, almost even dozing back to sleep.
I forced myself to get out of bed, came out here only to discover, that my brain is so damn tired, I don't even really know what the hell day it is anymore for real.
I have this problem quite a bit, but this time, it could have caused me to ride all the way downtown, on the wrong freaking day.
I laid in bed last night wide awake until almost 4:30am.
Every noise startled me, every cat that came in and out, jumping off and on the bed, startled me. A child of mine snoring in their bed, startled me.
Dead.
Freaking.
Tired.
Google calendar.
It's not just a nifty little feature you think you don't need.
It's actually a very helpful tool for insomniacs suffering from loss of data.
February 8, 2007
Funny of my day.
"Unknot your knickers so you can sit down comfortably and wait it out."
Spoken by Ann.
In response to a whiner that thinks things should be going their way.
Hahahah!
Ann is an older woman and it's clear that with age, comes wisdom.
We all hear about it growing up, respect your elders, they know things you only think you know.
While growing up, I thought I knew it all. I was street smart and book smart, and thought everything should always go my way.
As I've aged, (I'm nearing 40 y'all) I realize I didn't know it all.
But now that I am older I can say without a doubt, I'm learning it all and have found a lot of that same wisdom I was told older folks had.
I have much respect for people who have learned patience and are not afraid to teach it to others in a language those youngin's understand even if they don't like it.
February 8, 2007
I wish I could explain how this happens all the time.
Once again, my table looks like this.
I keep walking by it, wanting desperately to clean it, but can't do it.
I'm going to do it today. I have to. There's stuff on that table I need.
It's kinda funny to me, that's the only area of the house that is a cluttered mess, aside from the boys room of course. They just throw things randomly around their room.
I throw stuff on the table. At least it's contained.
Sort of.
I need one of those organizer people to come in and design for me the perfect organizer for my table. Just for me, my way, easy to remember where stuff goes and stuff.
Perfectly labeled trays for incoming and outgoing mail, trays for medical, legal, school stuff.
I need. Neeeed.
I think I may go in the boys room and steal one of their little organizer thingies they have for toys. It's like a plastic file cabinet deal about 3 ft tall.
Yeah, there's an idea. They won't even miss it.
February 7, 2007
I'm dying laughing.
Ok, you know how you get those phantom telephone calls from like telemarketers? You answer and no one ever says anything?
Well, I got what I thought was a telemarketer. Twice.
On both calls they didn't say anything, so I growled the first time, barked like a dog, screamed.
The second one, no one said anything either, so I said some various curses and laughed like a homicidal maniac into the phone and then tried to hang up.
They didn't hang up for like 2 minutes.
Then I star 69'ed.
It was my neighbor.
Oopsie.
But hey, why call someone and not say anything to the person you're calling?
Was she trying to figure out if I was home yet?
Was she calling to borrow something again?
What?
What?!
I'm not calling her back either.
Screw that.
If someone calls here, they better speak or they will incur the wrath of my twistedness at full on bitch volume.
Continue Reading �
February 6, 2007
I have some pictures for you.
We took as many pics as we could when the cameras would cooperate. It was so cold out at times, the cameras froze up and wouldn't work.
Craziness.
Sebastian took this pic from the plane window as we were getting ready to land in New Hampshire.
He swears it's a mall but I know it's the high school. He loved looking out the window the whole time we were in the air even when all you could see were clouds. Silly kid.
When Shell picked us up, we drove to her son Michael's school to pick him up early, and while she was inside getting him, Sebastian bolted from the truck to play in the snow.
He thought it would be like the movies where you could just grab a huge ball of snow with your bare hands and make a snowball.
He quickly found out that real snow, not movie snow, is very, very cold.
Then he fell down. hee hee.
Continue Reading �
February 4, 2007
Today is our last day and I'm resting.
We have been running around all week and now I'm pooped and sore.
I did not go snow tubing with everyone. I stayed in the truck, I behaved myself even though it looked fun as hell.
The boys had so much fun but it was freezing out there. Probably about 8 degrees or so.
But doesn't this look like fun?
That's Heather and my nephew Sullivan who is 5, and "had never been here before aunty Kat". Such a cutie pie and so smart too.
All the kids were so excited and had such a good time.
But I'm spent now, very tired and sore, can't wait to get home to my bed, my warm, sunny Florida.
I have heard about the tornados that ripped through, very sad.
Ok, I'm off to go rest and get things ready for our trip back home tomorrow.
Later days.
January 27, 2007
I'm feeling rather fiesty today.
I have stress people, stress!
I really do understand that it's a really short visit and I wish it was longer so that everyone could have equal time, but it's just not possible.
I apologize that it's so short, one of these days we'll come up for 2 weeks, and everyone can have equal time with the boys.
It's very hard when you have 2 families who want to see them. You have no idea.
But complaining about it, makes Kat an unhappy girl. It makes me stress the fuck out.
I'm doing the best I can with the amount of time we have.
So please, chill out and be happy we are coming at all.
The cold weather is going to kill me, traveling is going to be hard. I know I'm going to be in pain because it hits 40 degrees here, and I'm doubling medication and using heating pads.
It's not gonna be easy for me to go everywhere, sleep in strange beds etc.
Chillax my families, we will spend as much time with everyone as we can. The boys are super excited and can't wait to see you. Please don't complain about the amount of time you get to see them. They just want to see you and hug you. They miss you, so don't make us feel bad ok? Thanks.
Continue Reading �
January 26, 2007
Moving along.
Sis just stopped by and brought over the other suitcase we need. Sebastian and I are all packed, Mark is taking his sweet time.
I'm going to need to buy him some sweats when we are up there. He wore his jeans today to ride to the school to drop off his assignments for next week, it was 45 degrees this morning, and he called me on his way back to tell me he was freezing to death.
I laughed.
Yes, I was cold too, but if he thinks that's cold, just wait till we step out of the airport in NH.
Shell said it was like 10 degrees there this morning.
I'm so taking pictures of them when they step out, realize how cold it is, and their balls do a retreat up into their stomachs...LOL
Been talking to an old, old friend from high school on myspace. It has it's good points as well as bad.
She found me and couldn't believe it.
I'm going to attempt to make a couple of hours available to catch up with her.
I haven't seen Jenny since oh, 1990 I think? Long time.
It will be cool to catch up with her for a bit.
In a little bit here, I have to go to the store and get some batteries for my cd player and Sebastian's. I need music to fly with.
Ok, outta here for a bit.
Later days.
January 26, 2007
We're gonna freeze to death! Ack!
It's 45 degrees here this morning and I'm frozen. Brrr. Frozen.
Holy hell, that 20 and 10 degree shit is gonna kill me.
Ack!
I'm actually considering turning the heater on here this morning.
My fingers are absolutely frozen as I try to type this.
Totally my fault though.
Yesterday was one of those perfect weather days, so I opened up the kitchen window to let some fresh air in.
I left it open all night not realizing my house would be like the inside of a refrigerator this morning.
Brr. Ack.
And the boys came right back in after they went out, looking for their sweatshirts.
They were like oh my god mom it's so cold out.
Yeah it is son. Wait till Monday night. Hahahahah!
January 23, 2007
Cats rule, dogs drool
The dog next door has been barking non-stop for about an hour, so I go into the kitchen where the side window is so I can see him from where he's tied up in the neighbors backyard.
I flip the kitchen curtain up and this is what I see.
No wonder he's been barking. LOL
Shahiro has been sitting in the window just staring at him, teasing him, for all that time. Hahaha! Stupid dog.
January 20, 2007
Plans change, people stay the same.
The boys ended up not going with sis tonight. Her hubby ended up really sick and just needed to go to bed.
So I'm not alone after all. Yay!
I like my peace and quiet, I really do, but 1 hour after they've left the house, I feel all lonely and miss them.
Awwww.
I stole this M&M version of me from Jules.
You too can become an M&M here.
That's me and my headphones I always have on. My boots although I couldn't see a way to make them black like Jules did. Hrm. I could have just painted them while I was doing the print screen.
I couldn't figure out how to save it on the site, so I screen capped it and cropped it.
I should have painted the boots and gloves. Oh well.
I totally redid my M&M cuz I didn't really think it was a good one and I figured out how to change the boot and glove colors. So there. :p
Well it's official. We're going to Maine next Monday the 29th for 1 week. We'll be back home on the 5th.
Got a great deal on plane tix so we're off.
It's gonna be freezing cold up there man. I'm not looking forward to that, but it's been almost 6 years since we've been "home", it's time to go.
I will have net access so I'll be able to check in on emails and even blog from there.
Taking the camera and cord so I can even upload pics and stuff for you all to see the snow and stuffs.
I'll finally get to see all the drastic changes I've heard have happened in my small home town.
I'm not looking forward to that either.
It was a beautiful, laid back place to live and visit.
I hear they built like a ton of condos and other garbage.
My home town is not the type of town that needed that stuff. It had charm and that easy going thing working for itself.
I really feel that if they had just invested in cleaning up and fixing the downtown area, making new attractions for people to see, more tourists would have come.
Now they have all kinds of places for people to buy to live in, but nothing for them to do.
Listen to me, already bitching about it and I haven't even seen it.
I've heard enough about it to make me say this, I don't really need to wait and see if it all works out.
Ok, to maybe play Sims after I catch up on blogs and stuff.
Later days.
January 11, 2007
This amuses me so much.
I can't explain it, maybe it's the look on the bunny's face when he realizes he's been caught on hidden camera as he and his little bunny friends attack a man.
Whatcha think?
January 10, 2007
The boys and I ventured off to the store for food
and other household goods, so I snapped a pic of my duct taped mailbox on my way out.
I whited out our house numbers but yup, this is my box...LOL
Click for biggie for laughs.
I need to go eat my honey mustard chicken sandwich now because once again, I didn't eat all day.
Between not eating and stress from psycho people, it's no wonder my stomach is trashed today.
January 9, 2007
I'm taking a nap and there's nothing you can do about it.
I got all ready to go out which to me, means taking a shower and making sure my legs are hairless. Which I can tell you, they were not.
I think I was in there a full thirty minutes. Shaving my legs with all this titanium is still amazingly difficult to do. It's obviously time to write to all the razor makers. Again.
Freaking people piss me off man.
I log in to the forum I mod a section for, and there's a PM (private message) from Jimmy. Jimmy is a great friend of mine, known him for over a year now, good guy.
He's relaying a PM sent to him by this woman whom I would just like out of my life once and for all.
Instead of messaging me, she sent it to him. I'm thinking because the name she sent it to him under was the same name I had known was hers (forum log in user name) since the day it appeared on the forums, and she kept denying it was her in an attempt to fuck with my head.
Lame right? I know!
Anyway, about two months ago now, she returned some bracelets to me to repair. I repaired and attempted to send them back but my neighbor, whom I am still having issues with, somehow got them in her mail box and thought they were gifts. She thanked me profusely even though I kept telling her; "no, I need those, the mail man fucked up here, they belong to someone else."
So, I got them all back and re-mailed them priority USPS with delivery confirmation.
I check the Post Office website, they are confirmed delivered.
Weeks go by, actually, it's been a friking month, she decides to PM Jimmy about a 'business matter' that I need to take care of.
From the fake user name she set up. PM Jimmy who knows nothing about my business matters. Instead of me. A full month after I re-mailed them, priority mail in FLORIDA no less.
Now, I'm all about making things right, I will refund the money for the bracelets to end this nutty stuff that's going on.
This woman knows my email address, she can use the PM function on that forum to send me a message, she can also use the hotbox feature on the forum she mods, to send me a message. But no, she chose to involve a friend of mine in a business matter he knows absolutely nothing about because Jimmy and I, do not freaking discuss my business matters!
She is the reason I stopped using that other forum. I wanted to be there to play and have fun like I used to, but this woman made it freaking miserable for me to be there sending me nasty hotboxes daily, stalking me on the other forums I am part of, using fake names, being a general pain in the ass.
I want her gone out of my life.
I have a policy with my jewelry biz, that I do not do refunds but will do lifetime repairs on any of my work. In this case, I'm willing to do a full refund on three bracelets. Shipping included. Good bye, adios, good fucking riddance!
I have been dealing with her being a major bitch to me for almost 2 years, and now she's involving my friends in things they now nothing about because she's a psycho.
Legally, I don't have to do diddly squat because I have proof they were delivered to her, but because I know she will never fucking shut up, I'm going to refund the money.
I want her gone and done.
January 7, 2007
I'm all alone today. *sigh*
The boys are gone to my sisters house to babysit the girls so sis and hubby can take care of some things house related.
They won't be home until around 8pm.
What in the world am I going to do with all this peace and quiet and free time?
I could lock the doors and play video games naked.
W00t!
January 6, 2007
Holy crap! It's almost 4pm!
I have been sitting here almost all day now reading blogs and forums and such.
The boys have been playing video games and bickering of course. *sigh*
I need to get in the shower and eat something.
Yup, I did it again. I have gone the entire day forgetting to eat.
That's so bad for me.
Ok, off to eat and shower and play some Sims. I promise I will have a new story up soon. Things have been a bit crazy for Belle. She's a bit of a tramp. Who knew Sims on free will play would act like total whores? LOL
January 4, 2007
Wake up maggots!
Hahah! I have been using my snoozester credits to wake the boys up for the last two days.
Mark got the call this morning from the drill sergeant and yelled to me; "Mom! Some guy is on the phone and he's screaming at me to get up! What the hell?! Mom! Some guy is yelling at me and won't stop!"
Hahahahahhahahahaahahahah! It's a recorded voice and message, he could have hung up at anytime.
I was laughing so hard I couldn't tell him to just hang up.
Very funny. Man, kids are soo easy to trick especially at 5:45 in the morning.
December 15, 2006
It's hot and humid here and it sucks.
It's 75 degrees out today and humid as hell, like it has been for the last week.
Humidity sucks.
I went and did all my grocery shopping and spent way more than I wanted to, but I did put in my order for our Christmas cake and dinner to be picked up on the 22nd.
I'm thinking of renting from Netflix, the Silent Night, Deadly Night series to watch xmas day.
We have very untraditional holidays here and those movies are so much fun to watch.
My toe ring on my left foot spun around, my feet and fingers seem to have shrunk, and it's annoying me, not positioned right and it kinda hurts.
Well why don't you just spin it around Kat?
Because I can't reach my left toes thank you...LOL
Continue Reading �
December 12, 2006
Black light + bathroom = OMG!
Seriously, if you have a black light, take it in the bathroom, plug it in, turn it on, whatever, close the door, turn off the regular light.
Be prepared to be scared.
I decided to take the little black light lamp from the urine gone into the bathroom. That stuff works on animal pee and human pee, so why not go see how bad the bathroom looks even with weekly cleaning with bleach, after 9 years living in this house with boys.
I almost screamed.
Even areas that have been cleaned every single week with bleach cleaner, glowed around the base of the toilet and the lower wall area next to the toilet.
Scary.
So I sprayed and poof, it didn't glow anymore.
Interesting.
And last night, I had the boys go around the carpet areas where we knew the cat had peed and use the light and spray.
This morning, I knelt down there and smelled right up close on the rugs, no cat pee smell at all.
That stuff really does work.
I'm impressed.
I should have bought two.
December 10, 2006
Probably not as amusing as I think.
I have this weird habit of taking my empty prescription bottles and tossing them in my desk drawer.
I don't know why I do it.
Maybe I'm thinking that those labels are full of vital information that identity thieves would be able to use. But then again, stealing my identity is not going to net them anything good at all. My credit is shit.
Maybe I'm thinking I will spend time washing all those labels off so thieves can't steal my info.
I honestly don't know why I do it.
I had to get a particular bottle out of there this morning to get the telephone number for the pharmacy to ask a question about holiday hours and stuff, and the sight of this struck me completely funny.
Continue Reading �
December 2, 2006
Stuff to complete on Sunday.
*laundry
*dishes
*house cleaning
*repair 1 bracelet and prepare to mail
*finish Christmas decorating
I think I love my purple lighted xmas tree. :)
November 26, 2006
Miss me?
The boys and I spent Thanksgiving at my sisters house babysitting the girls so sis and hubby could get away for a few days.
They loved the turkey and cranberry sauce and were so much fun to be around.
But I forgot how tiring toddlers are.
My boys are all grown up now so I must have forgotten all the energy that toddlers have.
I will not ever forget that again.
I'm not complaining, I had a great time with them, I love being around them and having all that fun, but boy oh boy, did they wear me out.
Mark and Sebastian were exhausted too.
In and out of the ball pit, up and down off my lap, I have poop, I need to go potty, I want to brush my teeth, I don't want to go to bed.
Tons of energy.
We took them to the playground and let them play on the slides that oops, were wet, but they didn't care, they had a blast.
They played on the swings and climbed the "castle".
They wanted to go swimming in the pool but it was freezing water. They tried anyway and giggled like crazy touching their toes in the ice cold water.
They played on their own slide and drove their little car around the back porch.
We all had a really good time, the boys playing World of Warcraft while they napped or slept, me zoning out in front of the cable tv.
I don't have cable at my house and I'm actually really glad about that right now.
I spent more time clicking through 98 channels than I did watching any one show. I can't handle that many choices...lol
Sis and hubby came home a day early and we were in our own house last night.
Continue Reading �
November 19, 2006
Holy schmolies it was packed in there last night.
But good times were had. No pics though. I was too busy people watching anyway. Interesting crowd.
You know what kills me?
The club plays like all these old 80's songs, punk/mainstream pop from the era etc. All these young people were like oh my god! I love this song!
Kinda funny.
It amuses me that some of them heard the song for the first time like a few months ago at that club or somewhere else. I grew up with it, lived it. It's kinda weird in a way.
But, I was definitely not the oldest one there last night. I saw wrinkles.
Today will be spent at home taking care of a sicko. I think Mark has the flu or some other nasty type thing. It started Friday with him complaining of a headache and then yesterday when he came home, it was all I really don't feel well. By the time we left to go out, he was just super tired and needing sleep.
We have lots of Nyquil and have no plans. He'll get plenty of rest.
My friend Terry sent me a link to a petition and I signed it. 100% for it.
Don't Pay O.J.
How ballsy is he huh? If I did it, this is how I would have done it. It's a total slap in the face not only to the Browns and Goldman's for him to write a book in hopes of profit, but to his children.
Did he ever stop and think about the effect he has on his kids?
In the book, he writes how he would have killed their mother if he had done it, and from the news reports on the book, it's very detailed, like exquisite detail, of how he would have killed their mother.
We all know O.J. did it, too bad the police bungled the investigation and evidence, he'd be behind bars right now.
Don't give this man a penny. He has no intention of paying what he owes to the families, this is all about him wanting more time in the spotlight, needs the attention.
I won't be reading it, even from the library.
He should not benefit from the crimes he did commit.
November 13, 2006
The highlight of my whole day so far,
has been this mornings death.
I woke up to see my gourami died.
I scooped it from the tank and dumped it in the toilet.
Then I had to pee.
I was faced with the following dilemma;
Do I flush the fish alone and send it on a proper fish burial?
Or do I just go pee and save myself some water which inevitably, saves me money on my water bill?
Take your guesses as to what I did.
3
2
1
Continue Reading �
November 9, 2006
Cough please.
We ventured all over the city practically to get to the docs. It's not very far, but the bus takes the scenic route through Siesta Key which was kinda nice today.
Another gorgeous day here.
We get to the docs and as we're finding his office, the boys ask specifically what we're doing here.
Me: "Well, to get Mark's back looked at for one, and you both need physicals."
Them: "What kind of physical?"
Me: "Well the kind of physical boys at your age have to do. Blood check, urine, blood pressure, ball check, height, weight, etc."
Them: "Whoah. Did you just say ball check?!"
Me: "Yes, I said ball check, as in turn your head and cough."
Their faces went white.
We went in and they were weighed and measured, blood pressure checked, we have to go to a lab and have hemoglobins and urine tested, and then the doc comes in and takes a turn with each of them.
Sebastian went first.
He listened to his heart and lungs, checked his ears and throat, tested his reflexes and then said lay down, I need to check your manhood.
Sebastian: "What?!"
Sebastian had gone so red in the face, it was near purple in color. He giggled hysterically which made Mark giggle which made me giggle.
Then it was Mark's turn and he went through all the same but when it was time to check his manhood, he went white. Rather than be embarrassed, he was mortified someone was touching his balls.
Sebastian was still giggling. Uncontrollably. You would have thought I had taken a couple of 4 year olds to a bra store the way the two of them laughed about all of this.
The doctor checked Mark for scoliosis, said he had a nice straight spine. *phew*
But he did say he's been seeing a lot of kids with backaches this year since the beginning of school. He wrote Mark a note and that was that.
We went out and caught the bus towards home and stopped at McDonald's because we were starving, and I got a happy meal.
They come with toys from the new movie Flushed Away.
It's a compass. I'll never get lost again.
October 17, 2006
A funny.
A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perished.
They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, "Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?" She giggles and shyly replies, "Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger." St. Peter says, "Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate."
St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Sandra, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?" The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well, once I fondled and stroked one." St. Peter says, "Okay, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate."
All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front, St. Peter says, "Reva, What seems to be the rush?" The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jessica sticks her ass in it."
*Blatantly stole it from somewhere else.
October 15, 2006
Owies and yuckies.
My ulcer is once again flared up and this time, it's killing me.
I am in agony in my lower abdomen, unable to keep food down or in.
I know that this is what happens on 5+ years of pain medication, I knew that my ulcer would only get worse and worse. The DGL helps a little bit, the yogurts are helping a little bit.
I dug out my keflex (antibiotic) script and had it refilled and am taking that even though I know the troubles I end up with when I take that. I have to do something.
I've taken my meds and am now off to try and sleep.
It was a horrendous night of puking and shitting (TMI, sorry) and this morning going to get my med refills and buy a little bit of groceries for the house, was a fucking nightmare. I was in and out of the Publix restroom more times than I wanted to be and the poor cashier whose station is just ahead of it, must have thought I was contagious by the look on her face every time I entered and exited. Hahah! I don't mean to laugh, but had I been in a thinking mood, I would have snapped the poor girls face on that last exit from the restroom. She looked truly horrified and must have said something to the customer that was with her, because they both stared at me with eyes bulging and their hands over their mouths as I walked past them to get my basket and rejoin Sebastian to try and finish shopping.
It was a priceless look of dear god, I hope she's not contagious.
Sebastian then called a cab and they said a 30 minute wait. Oh dear fucking god no. So I had him call our neighbor and beg her to come get us. I gave her the money I would have paid the cab, so it's not like I asked for a free ride. She didn't want to take it but I made her. A ride is a ride and I always pay my way.
Before we even left the parking lot, I yelled for Sebastian to dump out one bag of groceries and hand me the bag as fast as possible.
I threw up in her car. I feel terrible about that. But at least I only vomited in the bag and didn't make a mess.
I am so sorry.
I just couldn't even hold sips of water down. I'm as dehydrated as a lizard in the middle of the desert. (yes, they can too get dehydrated, they are not camels)
We came home, we put everything away and scanned it all, and then I tried to lay down but I have been up and down, up and down, since. Bah. I need all the meds to kick in here soon or I'm gonna go nuts and end up at the ER. My neighbor was like "Girl, you are not well at all. You need a doctor." Yeah, no shit, but I really don't feel like spending such a beautiful day in the ER. I'd rather spend it at home in my bed, or on the couch, or in the recliner, with the door and windows open. It' so stinking gorgeous outside today. It's sunny, but only mid-60's, there's a breeze. Oh man, it's awesome. I love the fresh air after months of keeping the house sealed up tighter than a drum so no heat gets in and no AC gets out.
It's just perfect weather today.
Yesterday, Mark had a friend over and I had sent them to Publix to buy dinner for themselves because there was no way I could cook. The smell of food when my ulcer acts up is enough to have me in the fetal position on the bathroom floor sucking my thumb and begging for my mommy.
They went and while down there, they went and got me a special treat. No, not food, Mark and Sebastian know what food does to me when I'm like this.
They went to Movie Gallery and rented The Lake House
It was good, what I could watch of it. I was just so ill last night. I'm hoping I get to feeling better so that I can at least lay down comfortably for a solid two hours and watch it all the way through. I missed so many scenes. *sigh*
And yes, they used my money to rent it, but it was such a sweet gesture that I couldn't get mad at them for not asking and just doing. They just wanted to see me smile instead of laying in bed with tears streaming down my face.
They are truly wonderful little house doctors ya know. I'd love to see one or both of them, get into medicine. They have such great bedside manners and are so helpful. They have been through so much with me these last years seeing me sick and in pain, and they still just keep helping and doing small things to try and make me feel better.
They can be brats as all kids can be, but 98% of the time, they are just truly awesome kids and I couldn't be more proud of them even though they fight, and rip leather couches, and make messes, they rock. I need to try and remember all the small things when they piss me off, like yesterday's surprise Keanu movie.
Ok, I think I need to lay down, the meds are kicking in cuz I'm getting all chatty and loopy...lol
Later days.
September 21, 2006
How babies are made .
This cracks me up. I found this on another site and it was too funny not to share.
Just look at the babies face as it claws it's way out of the mother.
Click for bigger. If the image is too tall for your broswser, use your down arrow key to view it all.
August 4, 2006
Hahah!
Found this joke on another site, had to share.
One day, a woman's doorbell rang. The weather was very bad. The woman opened the door, and there stood a young girl, a Jehovah's Witness, soaking wet. The woman felt sorry for her, so she asked the young woman into the house for a cup of coffee and to dry off. The woman wanted to make conversation as the two drank their hot chocolate, so she asked the Jehovah's Witness, "So, what's the message you're passing along?'" The girl stuttered and said, "I'm not sure. I never got this far."
July 18, 2006
That girl Emily.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
EDIT*
Lots of people are emailing me about this site, saying that it's a fraud or an ad for some company.
Even if it is, I don't really care, it's funny as hell to me.
Being a woman scorned, I find this kind of shit amusing.
April 4, 2006
Oh my gawd.
You must click that for bigger.
A monthly magazine came in today's mail and as I was perusing the articles, I see the above ad. Naturally I laughed, sort of a startled, shocked laugh and then I finished the magazine and made dinner etc.
I just went and looked up the product.
That is too damn funny.
I think the ad is hysterical.
January 15, 2006
Once upon a time,
~~~~~~~~
in a land far away,
~~~~~~~~
a beautiful,
independent,
~~~~~~~~
self-assured
princess
~~~~~~~~
happened upon a frog as
she sat,
~~~~~~~~
contemplating ecological
issues
~~~~~~~~
on the shores of an
unpolluted pond
~~~~~~~~
in a verdant meadow near
her castle.
~~~~~~~~
The frog hopped into the
princess' lap
~~~~~~~~
and said: Elegant
Lady,
~~~~~~~~
I was once a handsome
prince,
~~~~~~~~
until an evil witch cast a
spell upon me.
~~~~~~~~
One kiss from you,
however,
~~~~~~~~
and I will turn back
~~~~~~~~
into the dapper, young prince
that I am
~~~~~~~~
and then, my sweet, we can
marry
~~~~~~~~
and set up housekeeping in
your castle
~~~~~~~~
with my mother,
~~~~~~~~
where you can prepare my
meals,
~~~~~~~~
clean my clothes, bear my
children,
~~~~~~~~
and forever
~~~~~~~~
feel grateful and happy
doing so.
~~~~~~~~
That night,
~~~~~~~~
as the princess dined
sumptuously
~~~~~~~~
on lightly sautéed frog
legs
~~~~~~~~
seasoned in a white
wine
~~~~~~~
and onion cream sauce,
~~~~~~~~
she chuckled and thought to
herself:
~~~~~~~~
I don't fucking think so.
August 27, 2005
Holy fucking funny.
Nikki, Chelley and I, went to Mccurdys comedy theater tonight for their all star comedy night.
The first guy was ok, picked on this chick getting married for her 3rd time, wasn't bad. The second, guy Mike something, I wish I could remember his name, was fucking hysterical! Oh my god, I was crying. Damn he was a fucking funny bastard. I don't think people stopped laughing during his set.
Awesome.
We are gonna make plans to do it again. I love that place!
Oh yeah, we didn't get to see his set but Walt Willey, of ABCs All MY Children fame, was there tonight and was doing a meet and greet outside. We took his pic.
My mom will be thrilled. She loves him. ...lol
Oh and when I got home, the teens had actually saved me some pizza! My night rocked..lmao
Oh, have a random new pic of me...lol
later days!
July 28, 2005
I needed that.
Tonight sis and I went to McCurdy's Comedy Theatre for one of her friends birthdays and we saw Tony Rock, Chris Rocks little brother.
He is hysterical.
Holy shit.
What made it really hysterical is that apparently the black people in SRQ don't go to comedy clubs. Just a sea of white people as far as the eye can see and holy shit, didn't both comedians have to work a little hard. They were like scared man.
Tony comes out and says he asked the warm up guy, so, what's the crowd like and Kenny says white.
He's like no, really, happy, laughing, what are they like, he says white.
Tony looks up and looks out at the crowd and goes damn, I though that motherfucker was joking! You are white!
Aha!
Funny shit.
This drunk lady was yabbering on, I mean really drunk lady, about whether or not Sarasota has a fire department.
He did the best he could to ignore her but she was loud and proud and really wasted and finally he's like, man, common sense would tell the bitch to shut the fuck up but obviously the intravenous beer line has knocked out all common sense.
Bitch, you can get in for free for the rest of the week cuz you are one fucked up drunk bitch.
She says, So is there a fire department here?
Bwahahahah fucking hahahaha!
We went with sisters friend a few of her friends. You can get free tickets for your birthday and one of the people she invited was already wasted at 7pm when he met us at the door.
Wast-ed.
Obliviated.
He kept asking if he could get beer in there. And hitting on all of us. If he touched my hair one more time, I was gonna have to hurt him.
Yeah, it's a nightclub you drunk POS.
But we had a kick ass time and I would so love to go back and see those two guys again.
We all filled out our customer cards with birthdays and info on them and I hope I get a call telling me I have free ticks cuz that would be cool to take a bunch of friends there for a fun night.
They make killer nachos too but I couldn't eat 'em all cuz I was laughing so much.
Cool place.
But hey, if Tony is ever playing at a comedy club near you, go, you will not be disappointed.
July 9, 2005
This is like the best stress reliever.
Just imagine her being the object of your stress and use your mouse to whip her all over the place.
It'd be better if when her bones bent all backwards if you could hear them snapping and blood squirted out but this will do....lmao
June 29, 2005
I don't even need to say anything at all.
But hey, if someone was thinking of my next birthday or just because, the 24 inch necklace or the key ring. Not picky...lol
June 28, 2005
It's not about the articles at all.
Just remember, when you read a magazine, they are not printed to inform or anything, it's all about the ads placed.
Don't let them fool ya.
But hey, it was a free mag read so what if I laughed my ass off through most of that phone call.
I took a way long nap. Feel groggy but better.
Have a weird neighbor lady.
Very weird neighbor lady.
Something about looking for a dog that she found and lost again but kept it's collar and is now looking for it's owners.
Uh-huh.
Next time, might be a good idea lady that when you go door to door asking weird questions, that you aren't 3 sheets to the wind and you actually put some sort of pants and a bra on under that mans super stretched out wife beater.
I enjoyed the show, really I did and so did all of your new neighbors.
It's only a wardrobe malfunction if it was an accident sweetie.
ok, need to go do something. Not sure what. But yeah.
Later days.
December 1, 2004
Heh heh.
I just won tickets to the monster truck show.
Do I like big trucks?
No.
Do the boys?
No.
Why did I win then?
Cuz I can't help myself everytime Daytime on NBC does their silly 8th caller shit and I call in like a freak and I actually won just now....lmao
Crap.
Now, what to do with the tickets cuz I can't get there anyway. Hrm.
November 20, 2004
When I buy a car, I want one with a trunk monkey.
Suburban-TrunkMonkey. Click on the pictures to watch the videos. Takes some time to download but worth the wait.
November 12, 2004
You know what I find funny?
When someone emails me and uses a curse word and apologizes for it.
Hello?
Do you read my blog?....lmao
November 6, 2004
My bonus story I wanted to tell you about.
I'm still a member at Okcupid and I don't surf it much anymore but I was checking my shit over there one night and hey, look, you have an email from some guy!
Woo hoo!
So I go into my okcupid email and it's from Kenny666.
Dude is so not my type just looking at the pictures of his souped up Ford Taurus and his combination mohawk/mullet.
May I present to you his first opening paragraph.
The very first thing you read when you open his profile up.
The bonus is the last sentence.
*UPDATED TO INCLUDE PICTURES*
Continue Reading �
November 3, 2004
Lighten the moment a little bit.
October 24, 2004
"Smack him, punch him, poke him with a stick.
It's ok mom, I did."
Marks' words of advice to me when Sebastian was getting on my nerves.
Ahh, brotherly love.
October 11, 2004
Something outside smells like
September 12, 2004
The boys and I headed to the store
cuz we needed stuff like real food and not canned crap and snack food. I don't think we ate a real meal in the last 3-4 days.
While there, I went in the laundry/air freshener aisle to look at the new Airwick mobile refills. I got a wicked deal on them when they came out.
Normally, they are like $7.99 but they were on sale for $5.99 and then I had $2.00 off so bargain for me.
So I'm standing there looking at the stuff searching for the refills and this guy comes and stands right in front of me.
No excuse me, no nothing. Like I wasn't even there.
He then proceeds to open about 10 different scents of the Glade plugins and actually peel the foil liners back.
The boxes have little scratch and sniff things on them these days so he didn't need to open them but he did.
He finally found a scent he liked and then bought about 8 of them.
Then he moved onto the laundry part of the aisle and grabbed the Febreeze and actually started spraying all the new scents on himself.
Yes. You read that right. On himself.
He found one he liked and bought 4 of them and then headed back up the aisle toward me and some other women shopping. He never said excuse me or pardon me, he seemed like he didn't even know any of us were there, and plowed right through us.
I was upset at his rudeness but was laughing because of his obsession with scents.
Maybe he has a dead body buried in his house somewhere and wants to make sure no one smells it.
September 8, 2004
Ok, I think it's funny.
Maybe you'd have to be here to see it but holy crap, Marks cat Nova is the funniest cat.
This is the cat who lost her tail in that accident a few months back.
Nova and I have since become buddies. I share things with her like food.
She weighs an enormous amount of weight but loves food. Spaghetti, cheese, crackers, chips and dip, all kinds of cereal. (don't worry, I'm not giving her any chocolate of any kind)
So tonight, I'm sitting over here in my chair eating some lucky charms instead of eating something by the couch and she like freaked out and it took everything she had to jump up on the couch and then she got right in my face, literally and meowed the loudest meow.
Like hey! Yo woman! What the hell are you doing eating over here? We eat over there at the coffee table! Hello? Can't you see my large 20 pound ass trying to share the lucky charms with you??
So I ate and then gave her the milk and a few of the crunchy parts of the cereal and she chowed it all down.
That is the first time she has like jumped on any furniture to get anyones attention.
She's so fat she almost fell off the couch too.
Cats are always amusing.
August 18, 2004
My brain is in a fog this morning.
The new med is a weee bit strong so I am out of it for most of the day feeling like a drunk. So until my brain defogs this morning, I give you Jaws in 30 seconds with bunnies.
Bunny theater is great.
Enjoy.
July 30, 2004
Drama, drama, drama did you ever hear.
I love the insane. I love them to pieces.
They make me laugh and are highly amusing.
July 27, 2004
I forgot to show you this pic
I took yesterday.
ex-roommate and I had to go out so she could get some stuff and while we were waiting for the bus to come home, this squadron of old ladies got off a bus and cart jacked a cart that belonged to some other people waiting for the bus.
All their stuff was in it I swear and as soon as those old ladies got off the bus, they spotted that cart and started taking the other peoples stuff out of it.
It was funny as hell.
They were all "there's my cart. There it is, I'm taking it."
Funny shit man.
July 19, 2004
Give a boy a puddle.
The rain continues to come down so I guess I won't be going anywhere.
But Sebastian who can't resist getting wet had to go play in it.
They are all clickable for biggie size.
Continue Reading �
July 16, 2004
Funny and frugal.
I had some issues with my bra today.
Namely, the front closure on my lovable bra broke.
I had tossed it in the dryer which I know I shouldn't have and the little claspy thingy melted.
I didn't really notice when putting it on so off we went and then pop! Freed boobies.
Clasp it. Pop!
Clasp it. Pop!
I was a bit mad cuz I love this bra and I really don't have the funds to go buy more bras right now so I was also a bit bummed out.
Then I thought of something 
quite genius if I do say so myself.
I snapped off the rest of the clasp on both sides of the closure area and inserted one of these.
Not only does it make a great, unbreakable clasp, but it looks pretty fucking cool and matches the rest of my stuff.
July 3, 2004
Chick chick chicka ..bowmp bowmp
I find shit like this amusing.
Click for bigger
Ed Rooney busted for failing to register.
I wonder if I can find his house...
June 23, 2004
If you're not reading Kinky Convolution, you're missing all the boobies.
Kinky Convolution | It's All About the Boobies
*The fun is in the comments.
June 16, 2004
You down with OCD? Yeah you know me.
I have mentioned how I am OCD before. I am not that way about everything, just some things.
Like I was just doing the dishes when I realized exactly how I do dishes.
Plates first, then bowls, then cups, then steak knives, then butter knives, then forks, then spoons, then cooking utensils, then plastic ware.
Steak knives point down, everything else points up in the dish drainer. Cooking utensils must not be placed in the silverware slots, they have to lie on top of the dishes themselves.
Cups must be done glass first, then plastic.
Pans are always done last and must lay on top of dishes or standing on a towel to the side.
The noise while I do the dishes is fine but if anyone else does them, even though I appreciate it, the clanking of the silverware and the misplacement of items in the drainer, annoys me to no end.
I like my computer mouse and chair at a certain angle at all times and if people move them even a half inch, I know and get irritated.
My tv antenna is in perfect position. Touch it and die.
My vitamins and meds are on my desk in order of how I take them. Do not touch. I keel you.
My movies are in the rack on the wall to my specifics. Under no circumstances should you ever put a movie in title upside down. I will notice it immediately and have to fix it.
I do all my cleaning in order and do not get sidetracked. I am taking a mini-break right now but when I am finished, I know what is next and exactly how I am going to do it, how long it's going to take me and am already planning the next 5 chores after that.
But the sock basket and the boys room, I could care less about.
So what are you compulsive about?
June 14, 2004
I was sitting outside
talking to my sis on the phone and Sebastian is out there with me and we all hear this wailing like someone is being hurt.
It was awful.
I noticed that the guys across the street were tying something into the back of their pick up and every time they pulled harder on the ropes, the wailing of pain sounds got louder and louder.
We seriously thought someone was being hurt. My sis could hear the noise on her end.
I told Sebastian to just casually run across our front lawn to try and get a look.
He comes back with this look on his face like gawd mom, you are so stupid.
I said so what is it Sebastian???
Sebastian: A parrot. A really big one is sitting on the edge of the truck squawking.
I swear, it did sound like someone was being tied up in that truck....lol
June 12, 2004
Fun with lizards.
Click for biggie
*Note*
No lizards were harmed in the making of these pictures. The lizards are every where here and if you pick them up, they latch on. Sebastian has mastered the art of lizard ear rings.
*Why yes, that is a TOOl shirt my 11 year old is wearing.
May 23, 2004
Age does have something to do with it.
So this guy emails me, he's 21.
*gah*
He tells me that age has nothing to do with it, that it's all about maturity all the while making the most horrendous spelling mistakes I have ever seen.
I'm slightly anal about spelling.
Ok, make that if you can't spell maturity the right way while trying to tell me how mature you are, you need to like go back to school or find yourself a nice dumb 18 year old who could care less if you are able to get a job somewhere.
If your job application is full of errors both spelling and grammatical, you should stick to fixing cars or working at rent a center.
I do make the occasional mistake but 5-6 emails in a row with just tons of spelling mistakes, makes me want to punch you in your head.
And he was pushy.
Like he wanted to get together right away and he was calling me hun and sweetie after me twice telling him that I am not dating right now. That I have no interest in dating anyone right now. But he kept going on an on about how we could be friends and 'more'. *shudder*
So I told him that I don't ever date anyone younger than myself. Ever. It's just a rule I have and it's not him and all that sweet let down crapola.
And he finally got it and apologized for bugging me.
He's in the florida area ladies with blogs. He's got a thing for older women and he's looking for the term hot older women. Watch your stats....lmao
May 23, 2004
Damn internet paper trails.
Woman accused in poison attempt
Article reprinted in extended entry in case it gets removed.
Continue Reading �
May 15, 2004
Eh?
Who the fuck is mrs.stanley + my friends hot mom
and why is she hot and how come people keep ending up at my site because of her?
May 7, 2004
If this lady thinks she's 28, I'm gonna say I'm 21 again.
So I logged on to ok cupid to see what's up and the list of new users is there and there's this picture of a womans ass in a thong.
No, I'm not into women, just curious what kind of woman takes a picture of her ass and slaps it online at a matchmaker site.
I have bared my boobs for breast cancer but I'd never show my ass just to get a date. It's like 'hey, look at my ass, wanna hit it?'
There's more to a relationship than sex.
Sex is right up there at the top though but there is so much more.
This lady claims to be 28. *cough*bullshit*cough*.
I'm 34 kids and if I dyed this grey right outta my hair, I easily pass for much younger. I get carded when my hair is all blond and there ain't a single grey to be found.
She's kept herself in great shape no doubt but 28?
I don't fucking think so.
May 6, 2004
*snort*
"Gasp or moan heavily when I enter you. It makes me feel really big."
And let's face it, you need all the help you can get in that department.
May 5, 2004
I still ain't got nothing but
Squishybear found an amusing yet owie kind of story.
maybe you men just shouldn't even go read that one.
Ouch.
April 20, 2004
The kids think I need plastic surgery on my nose.
They started this talk after seeing the winner of the Swan from last night.
I don't think so.
It's a nice normal nose.
See.
They said no no mom. It's not that it isn't a nice nose, it's that it can move.
Creepily.
It got broken once a few years ago and I never got it fixed.
It doesn't have a bump or anything. It just can move in either direction really far.
Hee hee.
April 15, 2004
Hehe hehe.
Ok, I have seen the George says pictures a few places now and I decided to make some of my own.
Click for bigger.
Continue Reading �
March 23, 2004
How disappointed they must be when they get here.
This is a screen shot of some search queries.
Warning, some of it is a little vulgar.
But I find it all amusing.
I mean, they get here, and it's just a little ol' blog.
No hot mom, no sex, no porn.
And yeah, I keep saying the words that bring them here.
It's funny because they have to waste time to keep looking for that shit.
har har har.
Sorry. It's amusing me.
Click for bigger.
February 29, 2004
Here is your horoscope for Sunday, February 29
Prophets are compelled to speak. Maybe this time around, the messenger won't be held responsible for the message. If you bring good news, however, you're sure to be treated well.
Please don't shoot the messenger.
Hahaha
Filed under funny.
February 28, 2004
Kat avatar.
hee hee.
Found at Rattys
Oh and look what I found
hahahaha!
Filed under funny.
died, I wasn't able to shampoo my rugs anymore.
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