March 15, 2010
Allergies, cats, and a sorely needed vacation.
I woke Sebastian up at 6am for school, and then went back to sleep.
When I woke up again at 8am, I had been hit by another allergy attack.
My left eye was completely swollen shut, and my lips were swollen to a size like a combination of Mick Jagger and Angelina Jolie.
Huge.
Enormous.
Like those wax lips we had when we were kids, but 3 times bigger.
My lips were so swollen and painful, I thought if they got any bigger that they were going to explode.
I've already taken 4 doses of Benadryl and it's just now starting to go down.
A little.
It looks really, really bad.
This happened on the 12th too, I took a picture of it that time, but I am so not taking a picture of it this time.
No way, not this time, I look absolutely horrible.
Other than allergy attacks which are preventing me from getting some stuff done, the teens and I are just getting things ready to leave for our trip to Maine.
I've been needing a vacation for so long now, it's been almost 5 years since we last went home to Maine, since we had a vacation, and I've been saying for a long time now that I need to get away, just go home to my family and friends, I need a break away from here, so I'm very excited to be going.
We've almost gotten all of our clothes and things ready, stuff we need to take, and making sure that everything is ok here at the house for Mindy to take care of the cats and stuff.
I went to the store on Saturday and bought 8 bags of cat litter and 4 bags of cat food.
I dumped 2 bags of the food in the bucket with some that was already in there, and stuck the other 2 bags in the fridge so that it won't get chewed at and opened by the cats if I were to place it under the cabinet where I keep the bucket of cat food.
Mindy is going to come over everyday and feed them, clean their litter boxes, and collect our mail for us.
Her daughter Katie is going to help because the cats are going to be so lonely with no one to pet them and talk to them, so while Mindy is cleaning the litter boxes and feeding them and grabbing the mail, Katie is going to pet and talk to the kitties to let them know that they are still loved, that they are ok, and that we'll be home eventually.
Poor Kali is going to lick the fur off of her belly anyway, but maybe having someone come here everyday and lay down on the couch with her and pet her, will make her a little less anxious and she won't lick so much of her fur off.
Right now the teens are at Publix grabbing some dinner and snacks for all of us, there's no way that I was going to go anywhere looking like this.
I look like I got beat up because my left eye and lips are so swollen, I don't want anyone to ask me what happened, and I don't want to have to explain that I'm allergic to something yet I don't know what it is.
I really have no idea what is causing this.
It's not the laundry stuff, I got rid of that quite awhile ago.
I don't eat peaches or strawberries, I know I'm allergic to those.
And it's definitely not pollen as I'm not having any other symptoms of a pollen allergy.
Anyway, I have some dishes to do to make sure that the house is mostly clean when we leave.
I told Mindy that she didn't need to clean my house, but she said she was going to clean the house anyway, that she thought we'd like to come home to a clean house.
It's true, it's always nice coming home to a clean house, but she doesn't have to do it is what I'm saying, I didn't ask her to, and even if I say no, she said she was going to do it anyway.
So I'm going to do all of the dishes and as much general cleaning as I can so that there isn't too much for her to do.
Ok, off to get some more stuff done and hoping that the swelling goes down soon, I look terrible and it's really kind of painful too.
Later days.
March 11, 2010
Trying to get ready to go.
There's so much to do and take care of before we can go on Wednesday, and I'm stressing out big time.
I am going through my clothes trying to find warm enough clothes to bring with me, and so I was going through my pants and instead of finding my jeans, (I can't find my damn jeans!) all I found were an old pair of jogging pants that look like tuxedo pants, they have like these satin white stripes going down the sides.
I don't want to have to wear those while there.
I want my jeans.
Things are just slowly falling apart too.
My ride to the airport on Wednesday morning bailed on us, their car now has to be used by their son, so yeah, no ride to the airport unless I come up with money to pay for car service.
Yeah, no pants, no ride.
Way wicked stressed the hell out.
March 10, 2010
Lift, tighten, and dance.
I stay up so late that I think that I have seen infomercials for just about any kind of product that you can possibly think of.
The latest one that I watched was last night, it was for the kymaro body shaper.
I thought I had seen it before, and I was kind of right.
Back in January, both the LA Times and The Huffington Post, had reported that one of Lady Gaga's costumes was in fact just a Kymaro Body Shaper.
The story was not true of course, but you do have to admit that her costume does look like it.
A rep for Lady Gaga says that it's definitely not true, and that the skeleton part of the costume was designed by Gary Card.
I have no idea if the body shaper actually works or not, I just found it interesting and kind of funny that people thought she used one of them as a costume.
March 6, 2010
I'm going even if I have to call a cab.
I am definitely going to the ER today, Saturday, even if I have to call a cab to get there and back.
I was going to go on Friday, but everyone was working and I feel like a huge pain in the ass asking for people to help me again and again, and it looked as though it was going away.
I swear it looked a thousand times better by Friday afternoon around 3pm.
I absolutely have to get looked at, I know this now, I thought it would go away, I thought it was going away, but as I sit here right now, at 2:32am, the severe pain, hot to the touch, and swelling up like balloons, is back.
It really had started to go away, the swelling was mostly gone, the pain was gone, the redness was gone, I thought it was finally going away and I could avoid the doctor or hospital, but it now looks like I may actually have what the pain doc was worried about, DVT, Deep Vein Thrombosis, aka, blood clot in the leg.
DVT is as described;
A clot blocks blood circulation through these veins, which carries blood from the lower body back to the heart. The blockage can cause pain, swelling, or warmth in the affected leg.
The exact symptoms I have been experiencing, and even though I have a blood clot filter (vena cava filter) it can't stop all clots, or the filter itself is clogged up which is the cause of the DVT.
I have been reading up on both DVT and pulmonary embolisms, and I am not liking what I'm reading, so I need to go to the ER today.
I'm scared, I don't want any more health problems, I have enough of them already.
I'm sick of being sick, I'm sick of having hives from allergies, I'm sick of being in pain, and now this?!
I possibly, more than likely really do have DVT, the symptoms all match up, things that the doctor said, things friends have said, things my sister Jo said to me on Friday, all of it points to DVT without any of them actually saying it.
With all of the things I have wrong with me now, I wonder if I would be denied for social security disability like I was when I first applied.
They denied me twice, it took almost 5 years of fighting and lawyers to get it, and I know a couple of people who are going through it right now, they are on their second denial/second appeal, and could probably use a good lawyer like I had who has major experience fighting the denials.
I swear the SSA loves to deny everyone who applies at least twice.
I think they like to test people, to see if you file the appeals to prove that you're serious.
If you give up after being denied the first or second time, then maybe you're not really disabled or something.
It's a theory.
Anyway, I am going to call a friend in the morning, see if she can just drop me off and I'll call a cab to come back home when they release me, if they release me.
Oh man, what if they keep me because it's a severe clot and they gotta open up my right upper thigh/groin area, to clean out my vena cava filter?!
I swear, I can't take much more of this stuff, it's all just really too freaking much man.
March 5, 2010
Update on Sebastian's arm.
I took Sebastian to the doctor on Monday to have his arm checked out because of the pain he's been dealing with for almost 2 weeks now.
The doc is his primary care doc, a pediatrician, and not the pediatrician that Sebastian was seeing at the time that his arm was broken.
So basically, he didn't quite know what to do, so he gave him a referral to the orthopedic doc right next door, Sarasota Orthopedics.
I am trying to get him an appointment scheduled, but it's not going very well.
They keep giving me dates and times that I simply cannot get him there.
Times like 7:45am.
Um, I do not have any way or any one to give us a ride at that hour or the day.
Dates and times like RIGHT NOW.
The scheduler asked me if I could get there in the next 20 minutes.
Um, no.
How many times have I repeatedly told her in just this 1 phone call, I do NOT have a car, and I am not allowed to drive, and everyone I know who could give us a ride, is at work right now.
Yeah, this is how it was going so I told her that I would call her back.
I had to get off of the phone, she was totally frustrating me.
March 3, 2010
Almost killed by an elderly driver today. Seriously.
I had my regularly monthly appointment with my pain doc today, it went well, and then I talked to him about my swollen feet issue that I've had for the last 5 days.
On Saturday night around 6pm or so, I noticed that on my left calf, there was this weird red patch, it was hot and painful to the touch.
By later that night, around 9pm, the red and painful patch had grown, started to swell, and moved down into my left foot, and my foot had also swollen up.
I went to bed and when I woke up Sunday morning, my right foot was swollen as well, and my right calf was also swollen, red, and hot to the touch just like my left.
By Monday morning, both feet, calves, and all of the way up to my knees, were swollen, red, hot, and extremely painful to the touch, just trying to walk to the bathroom was agonizing.
My ankles and feet were the worst, they just kept getting bigger and bigger, but they were not soft, the skin was rock hard when I touched it, which I tried to avoid doing because the slightest touch sent waves of pain through my feet and legs.
My toes were huge, they looked like if they got any more swollen, that they would just explode, and the toe ring I wear on my right foot, had to be taken off on Tuesday night because it was starting to cut off circulation.
I took this picture of my feet right before that, and in it, you can see how swollen up my feet, ankles, and toes were, and you can see the red areas too.
Click the pic for biggie size.
So I showed the doc my feet, he touched them which hurt so bad I thought that I was going to cry, and just walking from my house to the car, the car to the elevator at the doc office building, basically, everywhere I have walked has made it hurt so much that I have had to use my cane which I haven't used since my last surgery.
My doc told me that I absolutely needed to go see my primary care doc tomorrow, or go to the ER if I can't get in to see her, or he's going to call and send an ambulance to take me and have me admitted to the hospital.
The reason is that he believes that it may be a blood clot problem, and even though I have a Vena Cava filter, a blood clot filter, the filter may not be stopping all of the blood clots.
He said that the Vena Cava stops large blood clots, and breaks them up, but if a small blood clot passes through, it will get to my heart and lungs and possibly cause a pulmonary embolism.
He said that I absolutely need to get to either my primary care doc or the ER, tomorrow, and if I don't go tomorrow, he will call an ambulance and have me admitted even if I don't want to, he can order it and there will be nothing I can do, the hospital will not release me until he says so, so I will be seeing my primary care doc tomorrow, no problem, I do not want to be forced to stay in the hospital against my will.
Now this is when I was almost killed by an elderly driver.
After I left his office, I went to the pharmacy that I always go to, it's just a couple of blocks away from his office, they are really quick, and there's other stores in the plaza so that I can go get a soda to wash down my meds after I get them.
I made a very crude drawing of the pharmacy and stuff so that you can sorta see the layout and what happened a bit better.
But what happened was that I was almost in one of those videos where a car goes crashing through the front windows of a store.
This is my very badly drawn picture of the pharmacy, and I had dropped off my script at the drop off window and was sitting in 1 of the 8 chairs that are lined up against the windows.
The windows are very large, they go almost floor to ceiling, and my friend Nic had just left to go back out the the truck to have a smoke and call back her friend who had called while we were in the doc's office.
Just 10 seconds after she walked out, a young man about age 20 or so, who was sitting next to me, grabbed his girlfriend and threw her toward the pick up window, then grabbed my left arm shirt sleeve and yelled at me, "GET UP AND MOVE!! NOW!!!"
I got up as quickly as I could and ran toward the drop off and pick up windows where the young couple had moved to, I turned around just in time to see 1 car coming at us sorta sideways, and it was being pushed by a silver SUV that was being driven by an elderly man who we found out after the cops came, was age 87.
He had tried to park in a space in the parking lot directly across from our windows, and instead of hitting the break, he hit the gas.
His SUV went up over the median and cement curb, and hit a car that was illegally parked along the side of the road, but if that car hadn't been illegally parked there, the old man's SUV would have definitely come straight through those windows, no doubt about it, he was going very, very fast.
The illegally parked car was pushed sideways up onto the sidewalk bending the passenger side wheel almost down flat, and it was pushed up against this huge rubber trash can that squished completely up against the pharmacy glass windows.
The windows cracked, all of the chairs where we had just been sitting, were pushed about 3 feet into the pharmacy lobby, 1 of them was pushed up against the legs of the young man who yelled at me to move, his girlfriend was screaming and trying to squeeze herself up against the wall and pick up window as much as she could.
I was standing there up against the wall in complete shock, I don't know if I screamed, spoke, or if I even made any sound at all, but I do know that when I saw those cars coming at us, I saw the smiling faces of my sons flash before my eyes.
Lucky for us, both cars stopped before coming through the windows.
We are so damn lucky that they stopped, there was absolutely no where for us to go, no door to run through, no counters to jump up on, and the drop off and pick up windows are very small, only big enough to pass through the prescription bags, payments, hands, and the rest of the area of those drop off/pick up windows are covered in thick Plexiglas so that no one can try to jump over the counters and steal medicine.
We were trapped basically, if those cars had come through, we would have been totally trapped with nowhere to go, nowhere to move to, and we absolutely would have been and probably killed by one or both of those cars.
My picture makes the lobby look kind of big, but it's not at all, there's probably a total of 8 feet from the row of chairs to the drop off and pick up windows, that's it, the lobby isn't even big enough to fit 1 car to park it, never mind 2 cars coming fast into it.
After the cars stopped moving, the old man got out of his SUV and looked at the other car and said, "Everybody looks ok", and he got back in his car and tried to drive off.
3 or 4 people started yelling for people to dial 911 and for him to not leave, 1 guy reached through the old man's window and yanked the keys out, he was just going to leave!!
The pharmacy clerk called 911, said there was an accident, a bad one, we needed and ambulance too, and fire and rescue was there within minutes, less than 7 minutes, they were very fast.
The passenger in the car that had been hit and pushed, in the front passenger seat, was trapped inside the car, the dashboard and steering wheel was squished into him.
The driver of that car was using the ATM next door, she saw the whole thing.
She watched as her car was 100% totaled and her 2 passengers, her own elderly father in the front seat, and her son in the back seat, were both injured.
Her son was wearing his seat belt, but the car had been hit so violently from the left side, that he was whipped side to side and his head hit the window on the right passenger side, and his head was bleeding.
Her elderly father was trapped as I said, and he was bleeding from his head also, and he was yelling out in pain about his left leg and he said that his ribs hurt too.
Fire and rescue got the son out first and then worked on the elderly father while the woman was frantically going back and forth between her son and her father, face as white as a sheet, crying, screaming, and the old man who caused all of this, was out of his car and looking at the damage he caused to her car, he picked up part of the radiator grill off of the sidewalk and placed it on what was left of the hood.
There was glass and pieces of the car all over the sidewalk.
Nic came running, from where the truck was parked, she saw the accident but couldn't see if the car had gone through the pharmacy windows or not because of a cement pillar, she didn't know if the car came through and I was hurt or not.
She had to tell the police that she had a friend inside the store, she needed to get in and make sure that I was ok, I heard her yell at the cop who was trying to stop her, "MY friend is in there! She is a disabled single mother! I need to make sure she's ok! Her sons! OMG her sons! You HAVE to let me in there!! NOW!!"
I'm not big on people touching me, I very rarely hug anyone except my own kids and very close relatives like my parents, my sisters, my best friend Shell, etc, but when Nic came in and threw her arms around me, I was never so happy to have someone to hug as when she did that moment.
I was so scared, I was shaking, I felt nauseous, my whole body was shaking uncontrollably, and I started to cry a little bit.
The young couple were hugging each other, the girl was crying very loudly, the pharmacist was also very upset and she just kept asking us if we were all ok, it was like a broken record, she just kept repeating it over and over, "Are you all ok? Are you all ok?"
We were, thankfully both cars had stopped coming, if they had come in, we would probably not even be able to answer her, heck, she might not have even been able to ask that question.
It was a very terrible, absolutely horrifying, experience.
I have never been in a car accident, I have never come close to being hurt or dying from an accident like that.
I have had my heart stop twice during my last surgery, so I have been close to death before, but I have never been that close to almost being seriously hurt or killed in a car accident.
The medics and police did everything they needed to do out there, the pharmacist hurried and filled the scripts of the young couple and myself so that we could get out of there.
We asked the police if they needed statements from us, they didn't, but they did get our names and phone numbers in case they need to talk to us later, and after I finished giving the cop my info, I yelled very loudly that allowing the elderly to renew their license by mail is so fucking wrong because of shit like this.
There are so many accidents in Sarasota that are caused by the elderly, I've posted about it many times before, about all of the accidents that happen every year during season because of how the elderly drive, or should I say, because of how the elderly CAN'T fucking drive, and it pisses me the hell off that they are allowed to renew their drivers licenses by mail every year, that they don't have to be road tested, it's not right.
The elderly should have to be road tested every year after a certain age, they should have to be road tested every single year after the age of retirement, if they take the road test and fail, their license gets revoked.
If this was made into a law, there would be far less accidents every year because a lot of the elderly would have their licenses revoked, I just know it, I see so many elderly people driving around who clearly shouldn't be.
There are so many of them who should not be driving for so many reasons.
Their vision is horribly bad, their reflexes are bad, the medications that they take, they drink and drive all of the time, but the medical reasons alone would probably cause a good majority of them to have their licenses revoked.
I know that this subject gets brought up every couple of years in the state senate, but it needs to come up every year until they actually do something about it.
The elderly absolutely should have to be road tested every single year past the age of retirement.
I'm sick and tired of watching the news and seeing about another accident, watching them cause or nearly cause accidents while I'm out on the road myself, or like today, almost being killed by 1 of them.
Something has to be done, a couple of people, me included, almost died today because another elderly person hit the gas instead of the brake, again.
March 1, 2010
Sebastian is off to the doc today for pain in the broken bone area.
Sebastian has been having some pain in his left arm where it was very badly broken in 2003 by a teenager in our neighborhood, when Sebastian was just 9.
The doctors told me back then that he would be needing surgery when he got older, because he wasn't done growing yet, the bones were going to keep growing, and then when he was done growing in his late teens, he will need surgery to correct the probable rotation issues, and to also shave off the excess bone growth in that area of the arm.
For those of you new to my blog and the story of The Teen™ and Sebastian's broken arm, just click that link up there or here, and read the long entry to get caught up.
That entry is so long because the original post about that day was on my old host and when I was using Word Press, so I had to copy/paste it from all of my saved and exported blog entries.
Anyway, for about the last week or so, Sebastian has been waking up in the morning with pain right at the break site, it's hurting at the break site when he carries his books around school, when he carries his backpack home, and when he sits at the computer for too long because their desk chair is a little bit too low.
Even though I knew that the day would come when his arm would start giving him problems, I always hoped that it just wouldn't.
I always had this small hope in the back of my mind that the orthopedic doctors who treated him in 2003, were wrong, that they couldn't predict the future.
He was just this small, skinny kid who weighed barely 70lbs, always active, running around and playing, and all of that running around playing is what got him the broken arm on the afternoon of January 12th, 2003.
That was the day that The Teen™ picked up my skinny, barely weighing 70lbs kid, and flung him to the concrete driveway like he was a ragdoll, causing a level 4 out of 5 break in his left arm right at the growth plate. (the x-ray of that break is in that entry)
The orthopedic doctor on call for the emergency room that night, told me that he would be needing surgery when he grew up, the orthopedic surgeon at All Childrens Hospital, told me that he would be needing surgery when he got older, it was just a matter of waiting until he grew up to start seeing the problems.
This just sucks, I was so hoping that the doctors were wrong, I wanted them to be wrong, I wanted them to be so damn wrong about this!
We have an appointment at 3pm to get his arm looked at, he'll have to go get x-rays I'm sure, and then we'll learn if he really is going to need surgery like the 2 orthopedic surgeons said 7 years ago.
February 27, 2010
Window shopping and dinner out.
I was really hoping to be able to find a desktop gaming pc on sale at Buy.com a little sooner, but it hasn't turned out that way.
Did I mention in the post that we are wanting a gaming pc?
I didn't?
Well yeah, seeing as the teens really only use the computer for playing WoW and other video games, Sebastian does all of his digital design stuff on the mini-netbook, they use the desktop to play WoW and do a few other things, but mostly gaming.
Buy.com does have a couple of refurbished desktops on sale this week, an HP, and a Dell, but they really aren't built for what we are needing, so we're going to do a look in-store later this afternoon and see what we can find, check out prices, and then I'll probably come back to Buy.com and see if they have a good gaming pc in stock to get.
They do have some other great stuff on sale though, like a Kingston 4GB microSDHC Card, for just $12 bucks with free shipping, which I could use either in my camera or in my cell phone.
I did buy myself a new cell phone today, I bought a Kyocera X-tc, I bought it for my birthday present to myself on Monday.
It was totally on sale too, just $59 down from $129, so yeah, I got a really great deal on a birthday present for myself.
They also have the hard rubberized cases for the X-tc, I want the purple one, but it's currently not in stock in that color, so I'll add it to my wish list to get later on.
Those are only $6.55 including the shipping, so yeah, I'll add that for a later date purchase.
What?
How old will I be turning?
40.
Yuh.
The big 4-0.
I feel like I'm 80 today, the cold and rain are kicking my butt, but after we get done doing some window shopping for the pc and go out to eat with sis and Susan, I'm going to come home, take a long hot shower, and bundle up under some warm blankets for the rest of the day and night, maybe curl up on the couch with my blankets and use the netbook from there for awhile.
Ok, this soon-to-be 40 year old needs to go get myself ready to go, hair brushed, teeth, clean clothes, ha ha.
Later days!
February 16, 2010
Food, allergies, and hopefully, a vacation.
Things have just been so mega crappy for me lately, and I know, I complain way too much on my blogs, but eh, they're my blogs and I'll whine if I want to.
The cold weather is freaking killing me, every single joint aches so bad from the cold and my arthritis, it's just been miserably painful, so I haven't been online much at all, haven't done any work, or done much of anything really.
I did go to the store yesterday to buy some food for the teens to eat, I haven't felt like eating much lately, but while there, I must have touched something that had some peach stuff on it.
I'm seriously allergic to peaches, so within an hour of getting home, my hands and lips, and parts of my face had started to swell up and be painful.
And of course, I didn't know that I had come in contact with any peaches, so I didn't buy any Benadryl or anything to combat the allergy attack.
Then the hives started to form all over my whole body.
Arms, legs, torso, hands, and face.
By 11pm, it looked as though I had just gone through a round of acne scar removal therapy, my face had huge red puffy hives all over it, eyelids swollen, cheeks puffed up and red, it looked bad.
I'm glad that I really don't go anywhere or have to look good for anyone, because I looked really, really bad.
I will be getting my income tax refund back sometime next week, direct deposited to my Amscot account, and I am hoping that after I pay a few bills and things off, that the teens and I can go to Maine to visit everyone.
Visit my parents, the teens Great-Gram and Aunt Heather, and then all of my newly found bio-siblings and families.
The teens and I would love to go up, we haven't been back home to Maine in like 4-5 years, and now, with all of my newly found bio-siblings, I have so many people to try and visit in just 1 week of vacation time.
I seriously need a vacation, and even though it will be wicked busy visiting everyone, I still need to get up and go home, go away from here, go see my best friend Shell and sister Joanne, everyone.
I think a huge part of my lack of focus and drive, my lack of motivation, and even part of my depression, for the last few months, is because I am so far away from everyone that I love, I am away from them, alone, and it really bothers me sometimes to not be able to just go hang out with my best friend, or now that I found her, be able to go talk to my big sister Joanne.
I really hope that I can find some good ticket prices so that we can afford to go, I need it in a bad way.
Keep your fingers crossed for me to find good prices from either Sarasota or Tampa, to Portland Maine, ok?
I have so much to do still, so much work to catch up on, I have laundry piled up, I still need to go get the actual groceries too.
I just bought simple and easy stuff yesterday, just what Sebastian and I could carry home, so later this evening, my friend Nic and I are going to go do the real grocery shopping, so I need to make sure my list is complete, get my coupons together, and then just wait for Nic to be ready to go.
I'm going to attempt to get as much stuff done as I can in the meantime though.
February 12, 2010
Slowly coming back to life.
All I can say is please let this sickness finally be over, please.
I have been so sick for going on almost 3 and a half weeks now, it's been horrible, and I certainly have absolutely no need for any kind of diet supplements right now or probably anywhere in the near to see future.
I haven't been able to eat anything, cook anything, not even look at any kind of food, or else I have ended up running to the bathroom to hurl up nothing but stomach bile.
Tonight, my friend Nic was out running some errands and called to ask me if the teens had eaten dinner yet.
I said no, not really, they had some cereal I think, I couldn't be sure as I was in laying down on Sebastian's bed with all of the kitties, so she said she'd bring them back something to eat.
About an hour or so later, she knocked and then just came on in, (friends are allowed to just walk in) and she had brought the teens some burgers and fries from Checkers.
She just grabbed them each 2 cheeseburgers, 2 fries, and a drink each, off of their dollar menu.
The teens were thrilled and started chowing down almost before she set the bags down.
I was eternally grateful because there was simply no way that I could cook anything at all.
On top of being sick, it's been cold here for the last 2 days, and then it rained all day today, so I was sick and in horrid pain all over my entire body.
I'm just now able to really sit up and do anything at all.
I tried to combat the pain and stiffness from the weather, and took a Soma.
Bad idea.
It's not nicknamed the Soma Coma for nothing.
I'm glad that it started to wear off though, I couldn't take it much longer, I was so out of it.
I was like a walking zombie.
I couldn't see straight, think straight, walk straight, very bad idea.
In bio-family news.
My bio-brother Randy sent me an envelope full of pictures
It was pics of all of us from when we went to NYC.
I thought that was cool, Randy and I don't get many opportunities to talk or anything, he's always so busy working.
I will text him tomorrow and say thanks, hope he texts back.
We play cell phone tag more than we actually talk to each other.
Anyway, I'll have to scan some of the pics and post them, they are really nice, there's one of just he and I.
I don't even recall that one being taken, everything that happened was such a blur that morning, but now I have one of just my brother and I.
I really miss them.
That time we spent together was simply not long enough, not at all.
I want to get together and hang out, talk, spend time getting to know each other.
It's so hard, me down here in South-west Florida, and all of them up in Northern Maine.
It's very hard to learn that you have these siblings, this family that you never even knew that you had, and never get to see them.
February 9, 2010
Totally yucky day.
Woke up this morning to really heavy winds, so bad that the trash cans had to be chased down and caught, and Carmine couldn't wait to come back in.
Then the rain started and hasn't stopped.
It's let up a little, but it's been windy and rainy all day, and will be cold for the rest of the week.
I hate it when the weather gets like this, cold, windy, rainy, it just makes my body ache so bad, feel terrible.
I end up tired and with absolutely no motivation at all to do anything other than lay on the couch.
I'm really tired of laying on the couch lately.
And wasn't Cyber Monday back during Thanksgiving?
I got an email earlier today saying that I could still get great prices on all the hottest items for the holidays.
Total weirdness.
February 8, 2010
The neighborhood is getting worse.
When I first moved into this duplex, the neighborhood was great, a lot of single family homes, kids playing safely, riding bikes, neighbors actually talking to each other, a really nice place to live.
Over the last few years, it has gone downhill big time.
I keep saying that I need to get a gun for home protection due to almost attempted break-ins, and low-lifes stealing things right out of my carport.
I want to get some home insurance, or renters insurance, not really sure how that works if you rent a house, do you get home insurance or renters insurance?
Anyway, it's getting worse, as I said.
Saturday night, it wasn't late, maybe 8:30pm, the teens wanted to walk up to 7-eleven to get some snacks for themselves, I was still feeling sick, and they had just gone out the door when they came right back in not even 10 seconds later.
There was a really drunk man, looked to be late 20s- early 30s, walking down the sidewalk screaming at anyone else who was outside, that he was "going to get them".
I opened the door a crack so I could hear him and see him, and there he was, walking really fast down the sidewalk trying to catch up to 2 other teenagers, 2 boys looked about Sebastian's age, maybe 15-16 years old, who were trying to get home.
The guy was screaming, staggering around, but looked really angry, fists clenched up, and the 2 teens were trying to walk as fast as they could to get away from him, and he kept yelling.
The neighbor guy next door went out to see what was going on, the 2 teens were by his mailbox now, and he asked them what was going on.
They asked him for help, they told him the guy was following them, had followed them all the way down the street, they asked him to please help, to call the cops.
The neighbor didn't go in and call the cops, instead he tried to talk to the drunk guy.
Tried.
The drunk took a swing, that's when I told Sebastian to get me the phone, I called the cops and told them what was going on, and they said they were sending 2 units out.
Lucky they were close by, they got here in about 1 minute, so they must have been just down Ashton road by the post office or something,
The neighbor was not fighting with the guy, not swinging back, but he did get hit a few times, the 2 teens were practically hiding behind the neighbor's SUV, they were still scared, being quiet, 1 of them yelled to the drunk guy to leave him alone because the drunk kept swinging at and connecting about 1 out of every 4 swings, to the neighbor.
The cops just grabbed the guy, didn't even try talking to calm him down, just grabbed him because he was being violent.
They cuffed him and put him in the cruiser and then got statements from the neighbor and the 2 teens, and then came and took our statements, then they hauled him off to jail.
We were in the house, the teens watching out the windows, and I out the cracked door, none of us were going to go out there, no way.
I'm getting really annoyed with the kinds of people who have moved into the neighborhood man.
I'm just tired of the attempted break-ins, thieves, and now, the belligerent drunks trying to beat up teenagers.
January 28, 2010
I am so proud of Sebastian.
I haven't been feeling very well at all since last Thursday, I have an intestinal thing, that's all anyone really needs to know as I'm sure if you've ever had some sort of intestinal thing, you know all too well what I'm dealing with.
Anyway, Sebastian is doing so well in his digital design class and in his technology class, that a teacher has helped him prepare for something greater than where he's at right now.
There is a special high school here in town called Suncoast Polytechnical High School, that specializes in technology based programs.
You can read a bit more about them at that link, but their mission is as follows;
The mission of Suncoast Polytechnical High School is
to provide a highly personalized educational experience where students master a rigorous career and technology driven curriculum within a thematic, analytical, and interactive teaching and learning environment.Vision
It is the Vision of Suncoast Polytechnical High School to be recognized for providing a world-class technical education.
Not only do the students have to adhere to some very strict classes and rules to stay in the school or be dropped back to their regular district high school, but the parents also have to do certain things to help their student stay at SPHS.
Parents have to volunteer 15 hours per year in the booster program or in the classroom, they have to check their students work every single week and sign-off on it, they have to be able to provide a computer and high speed internet connection, and they have to make sure their student attends every single day.
Any mistakes in following the rules by either the student or parent, results in the student being dropped back to their regular district high school.
Part of the admission process is to write an entrance essay explaining why they want to attend SPHS, and tonight Sebastian had me read his entrance essay.
I was absolutely blown away by how amazingly articulate he has become, what he stated as his career goals, and some of the reasons why he wants to work in the technology field, what he excels at, what he wants to excel at, and what his future employment plans are after attending SPHS and post-secondary school.
He also stated that he wants to improve his life, to not have to struggle to make ends meet like his mother has for so many years.
He explained in his essay about me and my work ethics before my body quit on me, the surgeries which completely changed my life and theirs, and how during the last surgery, I died twice on the table, had my lung collapse, and ended up in a medical coma for 4 days.
He explained that almost losing the only parent that has ever been there for him, that has worked so hard to provide for him and his brother, and still tries to provide the best that I can for my children, but struggles every day to make ends meet, to give them everything that they need, that he wants to be the absolute best that he can be at a career that he absolutely loves to do, so that once he's made it and providing well for himself, that he will be able to take care of me when I'm older and on my own.
He said,
"My mom has always been there for me, she provided not only my needs, but also provided me with all of the love, support, and encouragement, that has enabled me to have the courage to follow my dream career. I could not do any of this without her, even with all of her own physical limitations and problems, she has never once told me that I couldn't do anything that I wanted to do. My mom has always told me that if I want it, go get it, fight for it, be the absolute best that you can be, and that you will have the career of your dreams, the life of your dreams, and be able to stand up and be equal to any other person applying for those dream technology New York jobs where I want to live and work. Once I make it there, once I make my dream job come true through attending SPHS and any further education that I want to pursue, I want to be able to give back to the woman who has stood by me my entire life, loved me, supported me, and encouraged me to reach for this and to never let it go. If you allow me to attend SPHS, I will work hard for you, I will give you my all, and my mother will be here for the parents portion of enrollment, and then you will see where I learned to go after my dreams.
Thank you for your consideration in allowing me to attend SPHS for the 2011- 2012 school year. "
The giveaway for the book Bubble Gum and Hula Hoops will close at midnight tonight, Thursday the 28th, and the 5 winners will be drawn.
So far, only 5 people have entered, so if no one else enters, all 5 of them will automatically win a copy of it.
So if you'd like a chance to win a copy, you have until midnight tonight to get your entries in.
January 24, 2010
Ugh so gross! Make it stop!
Ok, so I seriously need some adult acne treatments that really do work, work well, won't make the skin become dependent on having to use it every single day for life or anything, because the zits be getting out of hand around here.
The teens just came home from my friend Mindy's son Jeff's birthday party, and after he eats his dinner, he sits down on the couch and a few minutes later announces that he "just popped a big huge zit and it shot across the room Mom! Holy crap!"
Yes, that is so what I want to hear being said while I'm eating some ice cream and trying to relax after my long afternoon in the ER with intestinal issues, 3 bags of fluid pumped into me, 2 injections of some stomach meds, and 2 injections of dilaudid for the back pain and muscle spams that I was battling for the last 3 days.
Yup, sure did want to hear that now somewhere on a wall close by the couch, is a giant wad of zit juice.
This kind of grossness really needs to stop, and it will stop when we make the zits disappear.
January 22, 2010
Clogged again.
The bathroom tub is clogged again.
I hate it when it gets clogged, it takes forever to get rid of the clog.
In the past, I've used de-cloggng stuff like Liquid Plumr, the plunger, I've even used a straightened coat hanger to try and snake down there when all else failed.
I've spent countless hours at times trying to unclog that drain, and like after a good 2-3 days of working on it off and on for hours at a time, I finally get the clog to go away using a combination of de-clogging tools.
It hurts, too, being hunched over like that for hours and hours trying to get rid of the clog, every single muscle in my body aches, oh man, it sucks.
I feel like I'm getting a super workout on my arms, legs, and lower back muscles when I do it, I feel like if I was using a supplement like super pump 250, I'd probably get really ripping biceps just de-clogging the tub drain. haha
This is a very old house, it was built in 1976, and I think it still has all of the original plumbing fixtures in it, and it's still on septic even though the city has been promising to get us on the city sewer system for the entire 11 and a half years that I've been living in this house.
I really wish they would just get this sewer system project started at least, then at least I would know, or have some kind of time-line on when we may finally get some free flowing drainage going on.
Septic is so hard to deal with when it gets clogged, and sometimes when plunging, you end up plunging some super funky smells because of how old the septic system is.
Those super funky smells are soooo not pleasant, not at all.
January 19, 2010
I think it's broken.
My thermometer that is.
I tried to take my temperature this weekend when I was sick, but it wasn't registering correctly.
I know that I had a fever, but the thermometer said that I was barely breathing.
It said my temp was only 94.3!
So yeah, I think I need a new one and Buy.com has a Q3 ThermoHAWK 220 Infrared Thermometer on sale for just $19.99 with free shipping too!
I'm not sure that you can use it on people, but it's touchless so you aren't spreading germs, so that makes me think that you can use it on people.
You just point it at the object or person's head, press the button, and it tells you the temperature instantly with a 1 second response time.
That's pretty damn fast!
Our current thermometer takes about 1 minute or so, so yeah, having an accurate temp in about 1 second is pretty awesome.
It has an accuracy reading of +/-2.5% and a measurement range of -33C-100C.
It's small enough to fit in a pocket or purse, or my stuffed first aid kit box.
I'm really pretty positive that our thermometer is broken and I really should have bought a new one quite a long time ago.
I think my thermometer is about 8 or 9 years old, so yeah, it's definitely time to get a new one.
It lasted a good long time though, so I really can't complain about it being broken now.
January 19, 2010
Tired of getting sick so easy.
Remember how I said that I felt like I was coming down with something?
Well I did come down with something, I've been sick for the last 4 days or so.
Blah.
And on top of being sick, I got a few pimples.
What the hell?
I haven't had any pimples in years, but now I have some, so while I'm still searching for the best acne treatment for the teens, I'm now searching for one for myself too.
I haven't been able to sleep much at all, so yeah, it really sucks when I get sick because all I want to do is sleep, try to get some rest, and my body just won't cooperate.
I've had less than 6 hours of sleep for the last few days, I just lay in my bed and toss and turn all damn night.
My brain is in a fog, my hands are all shaky, I just feel like total crap.
I really hope that I can get some sleep tonight, I need it bad.
January 15, 2010
Extraordinary Measures movie review.
Last night Mindy and I went and saw Extraordinary Measures at the Muvico in Tampa.
Many thanks to CBS films for letting us be at the advanced screening of the film for free, it was most definitely appreciated as we both needed a night out, just us girls, so we could see a good movie, talk, and have some fun.
Synopsis
"Extraordinary Measures" is inspired by the true story of John Crowley, a man who defied conventional wisdom and great odds, and risked his family's future to pursue a cure for his children's life threatening disease. From his working class roots, John Crowley (Brendan Fraser) has finally begun to taste success in corporate America. Supported by his beautiful wife Aileen (Keri Russell) and their three children, John is on the fast track. But just as his career is taking off, Crowley walks away from it all when his two youngest children, Megan and Patrick, are diagnosed with a fatal disease. With Aileen by his side, harnessing all of his skill and determination, Crowley teams up with a brilliant, but unappreciated and unconventional scientist, Dr. Robert Stonehill. (Harrison Ford) Together they form a bio-tech company focused on developing a life-saving drug. One driven to prove himself and his theories, the other by a chance to save his children, this unlikely alliance eventually develops into mutual respect as they battle the medical and business establishments in a fight against the system - and time.
I thought the movie was going to be a total tear-jerker, but it wasn't.
There was only one scene where I felt like crying like the main character did, John Crowley, played by Brendan Frasier, when he thought he had screwed up so bad that he ruined his chance to help save his kid's lives.
Based on a true story, John Crowley was doing everything that he could do and think of to try and save the lives of his kids who suffer from Pompe Disease.
In Pompe Disease, normally, the body uses GAA to break down glycogen, a stored form of sugar used for energy. But in Pompe disease, mutations in the GAA gene reduce or completely eliminate this essential enzyme. Excessive amounts of glycogen accumulate everywhere in the body, but the cells of the heart and skeletal muscles are the most seriously affected.
Kids with the disease often don't live much past the age of 9-10, so John Crowley gave up his job, moved his family across the country, to try and prove the theories of Dr. Robert Stonehill, played by Harrison Ford.
Thanks to the hard work and sacrifice of both Crowley and Stonehill, an enzyme replacement therapy drug was created and it is actually working to help babies and kids with the disease to keep their hearts and other organs from growing too large and breaking down the muscles.
It was a really fantastic movie, I really enjoyed it, and as I said, it wasn't the tear-jerker that I thought it was going to be, not at all.
It was a movie about the hard work, determination, and love a parent has for their children.
I would highly recommend the movie to anyone to go see, it was definitely a movie worth watching as both Frasier and Ford did an outstanding job in their roles.
Harrison Ford plays a really eccentric and cranky scientist with a theory about the disease and how to treat it, but he's never had a drug go to trials, and never had a drug approved, so getting the venture capital needed to make and test the drug was an impossible feat for him.
That's where Frasier's character comes in, he has the business skills needed to get people to invest, he does whatever he has to to get the funding so Stonehill can get the drug made and into trials, and then approved, including having to sell-out to a larger drug company so that everything can happen at a much faster pace.
The things he did, he had to do even though it really angered Stonehill to have to sell-out and go work in a huge pharmaceutical company, but it had to be done, Crowley's kids were drying, they didn't have much time left at all.
In the end, Crowley even had to be fired from his job in order to get his 2 kids into the sibling test trials for the enzyme replacement therapy.
As a parent, I would do anything for my kids, I know how Crowley felt, do anything, everything, to try and save his kids.
Luckily, my sons don't have any life-threatening diseases like this, but Mark does have problems with his spine and I am fighting with the doctors and insurance almost every single day to get him treated now, not in 15-20 years when it may be too late to help him, when it may be so late that he ends up like me.
He's 18, has his whole life ahead of him, I can't let him end up like me, so like Crowley, I will fight and do what it takes to help my son get the medical treatment he needs now, not later.
The movie isn't that long, so we made it home before midnight, and I was dead tired from the long ride there and back, and sitting in the theater seat all that time.
I woke up this morning exhausted, I had big dark circles under my eyes, so I grabbed my eye ice pack and laid back down on the couch for another couple of hours.
I'm still tired but have a lot to do including the grocery shopping.
Ugh.
Oh, when we got to the theater, CBS had saved us our seats because I had asked to be in the handicapped row, middle seating if possible because of the tilt of my head, I cannot be way down front.
Sharon, the host of the screening, escorted us to our seats which she had roped off with caution tape.
The theater was totally packed, there were a lot of people there for the screening, so walking into a packed theater and being escorted to our roped off seats was kind of embarrassing.
Everybody was staring at us because she escorted us to the roped off section and she said really loud that the seats were for the VIP movie screeners for CBS Films, and that they had to hold up the movie for a few more minutes for a few more VIPs.
Ha!
All of the other screeners were from some group that I want to look up, GOFOBO or something like that, but we were treated as VIPs, given special seating, and thanked like a million times, so it was fun and kind of embarrassing, but kind of cool too to be given special treatment.
So thank you very much to CBS Films for allowing us to be a part of the advanced screening.
Extraordinary Measures will be in nationwide release on January 22nd, and I highly recommend the movie.
January 14, 2010
Off to the movies in a few hours!
Tonight Mindy and I are going to see the movie Extraordinary Measures all of the way up in Tampa.
It starts it's nationwide theater release on January 22nd, so we are going to see an advanced screening of it tonight, then come home and blog about our thoughts on the movie.
I'm really excited to go see it, it looks like a good tear-jerker of a movie, and I like seeing movies like this especially when they are based on true stories, and I don't mind a good cry because of a movie or tv show every now and then, but I will be prepared for sitting in the movie theater this time.
I'm bringing a pillow with me to sit on so I hopefully don't end up with the same kind of horrible pain that I was in when we went and saw Avatar.
This time, I am going to do whatever I need to do to try and make sure that I don't end up in too much pain from sitting all of that time.
I'm going to take my pain meds and use some of the joint pain treatment things that I have to try and relax my muscles and stuff before we go, and use the pillow to sit on while we're there.
I'm going to take a nice, long, hot shower, rub on some of the pain gel stuff that I have, take a muscle relaxer, and use my wearable heating pad for the ride up to Tampa.
Hopefully, this will keep some of the pain away so that I can enjoy the movie.
I'll let you all know how the movie is when we get back.
It starts at 7:30, so I don't expect to be home until around 11:30pm or midnight.
January 13, 2010
Sick of the Special K commercials.
The Special K commercials are getting more and more annoying, but there's one that drives me absolutely bonkers.
Every single time I see it, I start yelling at the tv, I end up leaving the room I get so upset.
I can't find a video for it on youtube, but it's the one where a mom and daughter are sitting at a CHILD'S PLAY TABLE AND CHAIRS, and the phone rings, the mom gets up, and her butt is stuck in the chair.
A chair that is made for a child, but this freaks the mom out so much that she goes to eat some more Special K cereal to help her with quick weight loss.
It's a child's chair, the mom is already skinny, but OMG! She wants to lose even more weight because she gets stuck in a child's chair, one that is made for like a 40-50lb child.
Every single one of the Special K commercials is like this, the women in them are already skinny, but they need to lose more weight, they just have to, so all they eat is Special K.
I hate these commercials, can't stand them, I think they are just sending the wrong message to women.
Skinny but not skinny enough?
Not anorexic enough?!
Eat some more Special K!
January 12, 2010
Dragging butt and coming down.
I haven't felt like myself over the last few days, not at all.
I'm not sure if I'm coming down with something, or just in a total funk.
All I know is I don't feel right, I feel off center of myself, out of place, out of whack.
I know something is wrong because normally, a few days after the holidays are over, I take down all of the xmas decorations.
Nope, they are all still up.
The teens don't care, they said just leave them up year round, I'm all like no, people will think I'm totally nuts if I leave them up all year long, so they told me to take them down if I don't want to be called nuts.
Problem is, I can't seem to take them down.
I look at them, tell myself to take them down, yet I can't, I just have no motivation at all to take them down, box them all up, and put them all away.
I dunno.
Maybe it's the after holidays blues kicking in and kicking me hard, I'm down and dragging butt, just want to lay on the couch and sleep with the kitties.
I am waking Sebastian up for school every day, that's a plus, and I am talking to Mark about school, there's another, yet I can't seem to motivate myself to put the damn decorations away.
A friend of Mark's is also talking to him about school, so maybe he will decide to do it soon.
He needs to do something other than sleep and play video games, and feel bad about stuff.
Oh, and enter my contest to win 1 of 5 copies of Bubble Gum and Hula Hoops, or at least spread the word on your blog and Twitter, please and thanks.
January 9, 2010
Girls' night out in Tampa this Thursday!
This Thursday night, the 14th, Mindy and I will be having a girls' night out in Tampa, to go see the movie Extraordinary Measures.
Synopsis
"Extraordinary Measures" is inspired by the true story of John Crowley, a man who defied conventional wisdom and great odds, and risked his family's future to pursue a cure for his children's life threatening disease. From his working class roots, John Crowley (Brendan Fraser) has finally begun to taste success in corporate America. Supported by his beautiful wife Aileen (Keri Russell) and their three children, John is on the fast track. But just as his career is taking off, Crowley walks away from it all when his two youngest children, Megan and Patrick, are diagnosed with a fatal disease. With Aileen by his side, harnessing all of his skill and determination, Crowley teams up with a brilliant, but unappreciated and unconventional scientist, Dr. Robert Stonehill. (Harrison Ford) Together they form a bio-tech company focused on developing a life-saving drug. One driven to prove himself and his theories, the other by a chance to save his children, this unlikely alliance eventually develops into mutual respect as they battle the medical and business establishments in a fight against the system - and time.
I know, not your typical girls' night out, no partying at a nightclub until dawn, but it's a night away from home and family, no kids to tend to, no cooking, no cleaning or dishes, but a night out to see a what looks to be a good movie, with a friend.
Now when I went and saw Avatar 2 weeks ago, I loved it, it was a fantastic movie, but sitting through the movie was very difficult on me.
I may have wide hips and a bit of a belly, but I have a very bony ass.
And not just my bony ass, but I also have two 4 inch titanium screws in my hips, and the titanium rods from my spine fusions that go all of the way down to the bottom of my tail bone.
Even though the theater chairs are very well cushioned, having a bony ass and that titanium in my tail bone, made sitting for almost 3 hours, extremely difficult.
Not even at the halfway mark, I could feel my tail bone in my butt, I could feel the titanium in my butt, and I kept trying to shift side to side to make it a little more comfortable.
When I'm sitting here at my desk, I do have a great office chair, it's very cushioned, but I have to have a pillow on it to help, and I still can feel my tail bone and the titanium after a few hours.
What am I getting at here?
Well, when I go see the movie this Thursday night, I'm going to have to bring a pillow with me to sit on, but I would honestly pay $20 for a movie ticket if there was at least 1 specialized movie theater.
What kind of special theater?
Well, one with good and comfy, home style seating.
Maybe some super plush but contemporary sofas, some big and squishy recliners, super long and soft sofas, furniture like people have at home.
I would totally pay $20 per movie ticket to be able to either kick all of the way back with my legs and feet up in a super soft recliner, or lay down on a big and soft sofa.
I would totally love it.
Heck, a big movie theater could makeover just 1 of the many theater rooms they already have, into the special theater room, and play the top movie release of the week, maybe change out the movie in that 1 theater every day or something, but charge $20 a ticket and see if people would buy tickets.
I know that I would, my sons would love it too, so I would pay for them to be in the theater with me on a big sofa or in recliners.
Those of you who have a home theater in your house, you know that it's awesome.
You have all of the benefits of surround sound, a really great and big HDTV, but with the total comfort of home.
I think a special theater would be really cool and totally work, and so if a theater made-over 1 theater room to have the super comfort of home, would you pay more for a ticket to be in there?
January 8, 2010
Almost got whacked in the parking lot!
My friend Nic and I went to the dollar store early this afternoon, I needed to grab some cat food and stuff, and when we got out of the car to walk to the store entrance, we almost got whacked by not 1, but 2, going way too fast in a parking lot, high risk drivers of the blue haired senior variety.
We almost got run over by 2 blue-haired seniors who obviously couldn't see where they were going because A) they were driving way too fast, and B) because they think they have the right to do whatever they want to whenever they want to, and C) because they probably didn't even see us!
They didn't use their blinkers either, and 1 of them parked in the handicapped space and did not have the thing on their license plate or the plaque hanging from their rear-view mirror either, there was absolutely no handicapped sign anywhere on their car, and neither of them appeared to be handicapped.
Being old is not a disability, it's just being old.
I know that not all disabilities are visible, I know this better than anyone as my disability is not visible, but if there is no handicap sign somewhere on their car, they should not be parking in those spaces no matter how old they are, as I said, old age is not a disability.
When they got out of their cars, Nic yelled at them to watch where they're going next time, and 1 of the old ladies turned around and told us to leave them alone or they were going to call the cops.
WTH?
Call the cops because we told them to watch where they were going?
Seriously, I absolutely hate season, hate it with a passion kind of hate because of all of the out-of-state seniors who are here and driving so dangerously, thinking they own the roads, thinking that they can do whatever they want, and just being incredibly rude.
Moving on!
The dollar store had a really good deal on the kind of cat food that I buy, The Goodlife Recipe.
At Publix, it's $4.99 for a 2.7lb bag, and the dollar store had it for just $3.29 for the 2.7lb bag.
I saved $1.70 per bag, so I might just have to go buy the kitties cat food from there from now on.
I also got a box of Arm & Hammer carpet powder to not only get rid of odors, but I found that it also helps pull all of the cat hairs out of the carpet.
With 4 cats, there's always a ton of cat hairs in the rug, and I end up dumping a ton of dirt and hairs out of the bagless vac normally, even more if I use the carpet powder.
I also picked up some night time cold medicine for Mark because he ends up coughing a lot from his cold when he's trying to sleep.
He's coughing a lot, but he coughs even more at night.
I think I may get some of that Mucinex and see if that helps him, I know that it worked good for me when I tried it, so hopefully it will work good for him so that he can get some sleep.
The poor kid had huge bags under his eyes when he got up today from not getting much sleep.
I'll try to remember to pick some up when I go to Publix tomorrow to do the grocery shopping.
PLEASE check out and enter the giveaway below!
It's to win 1 of 5 copies of a really fun and interesting book!
January 7, 2010
Bubble Gum and Hula Hoops review and 5 book giveaway!
I received a free copy of the manuscript for Bubble Gum and Hula Hoops: The Origins of Objects In Our Everyday Lives, about a month ago to read and review here on my blog.
It's a really fascinating and funny look at why certain things got invented, and why they were named what they were.
Take the bra for an example, a lot of people believe that it was invented and named after someone named brassiere, not true.
It's kind of a long story, but all the way back in 2500bc in Minoan Crete, they were using pieces of fabric strapped around the chest to support the bosoms, it probably resembled a sports bra of today because it was wrapped so tightly.
Corsets had been around since the 16th century, but it was in 1893 when American socialite Mary Jacobs was dressing for an evening event when she got really upset about her whalebone corset.
She took 2 hankies tied together with ribbon, and used them to keep her breasts looking the way she wanted them too under her tight party dress.
She was so pleased with it, that she patented the design and began selling them as "Caresse Crosby" bras but with very limited success.
Eventually she sold the design rights to the Warner Brothers Corset Company, and they went on to make a huge fortune from Mary's idea.
By the 1920's, they were in wide circulation, and now today, we have a huge assortment of over the shoulder boulder holders that flatten, tighten, plump, support, volumize, and of course, push up!
There are a ton of very interesting stories in this book about all kinds of products like the breathalyzer, the condom, toothpaste, cigarettes, bubble wrap, paper clips, bar codes, the camera, lipstick, the airbag, the GPS, parking meters, aluminum foil, canned food and carbonated drinks.
There so many things in this book that I'm sure you've heard a story about how they were made and it's probably wrong, so this book tells how and why things were made and why they were named what they were.
It was a really fun book to read, I learned a lot and laughed a lot along the way, so I want to share the learning and laughs with 5 lucky readers.
Do you want to win a copy of Bubble Gum and Hula Hoops for yourself?
Or maybe you know someone who enjoys learning about why things were invented?
If so, all you have to do is follow the rules below.
Here's how!
Rules:
The giveaway is open to United States, (including Alaska and Hawaii) and Canada!
This giveaway is open to all, not just bloggers, but rules must be followed.
Only 1 entry per person/family/household.
Only 1 person per IP address can enter the giveaway and complete the required entry and extra entries.
No entering on behalf of others, using extra identities or others identities, no automated program entries, etc.
I can check and verify IP addresses and email addresses. *wink*
If you are caught cheating, you will be banned from this giveaway and any future giveaways on my blogs.
This giveaway is only open to those ages 18+ only.
All entries must be received by 11:59 pm Eastern Time on Thursday January 28, 2010.
I will pick the 5 winners randomly using random.org on Friday January 29th, 2010, email the winners, and they will have 48 hours to claim their prize.
If I do not get a reply within 48 hours, I will pick a new winner using random.org again.
How to enter:
The required entry:
This is mandatory, if this one entry is not done, you will not qualify for the giveaway.
For a chance to win, leave me a comment telling me what you would have named any current product/invention, and why you would have named it that.
For extra entries:
The following are all for 1 additional entry each, and you must leave a separate comment for each 1 that you do.
If you bundle entries in 1 comment, the comment will be deleted and disqualified.
1.
Post a new comment telling me what you would like to see invented.
2.
Blog about this on your blog, and leave a separate comment with the url to your post.
The post must remain on your blog for the duration of the contest.
3.
Post about this giveaway with a link back to this post on Twitter, and then leave a comment on this post with the link to your Twitter post about this contest.
You can use this link in your Twitter post to tweet and tell others about this giveaway! http://tinyurl.com/yb4zlw3
5.
Post about this on Facebook and give me the link to your Facebook profile so I can verify it!
That's it!
***There are 5 books in total, they will be shipped directly to the winners from the publisher, so you will need to leave me a valid email address when you enter, and if you win, I will contact you for your mailing address which will only be given to the publisher, and only for the purpose of sending you the book.
None of your information posted like full name, email address, or mailing address which you have given for contest entries, will ever be given or sold to any person or company, it will only be used for the purpose of contacting you, if you win, to send you the book.***
Good luck!!
January 7, 2010
Yesterday. Oy vey!
I didn't post yesterday because I just didn't feel like it.
Hey, just being totally honest.
At 3:15pm yesterday afternoon, I had my monthly appointment with my pain doctor to do a check-in.
Check-ins usually all go the same way, him asking me a bunch of questions like, tell him on the 1-10 pain scale, where my pain was at right at that moment, what it was for the last couple of days, how the new medicine is working since my last appointment, have I had any new or unusual symptoms, any news on whether or not my surgeon has been able to come up with a way to fix my head, any more visits to the ER for itching, rashes, welts and hives, and do I have any questions for him.
The whole thing probably takes less than 10 minutes, in, out, see ya in 30 days, but because there was an emergency with a patient at the hospital, he was running about 45 minutes to an hour behind.
My 3:15pm appointment didn't actually happen until 4:27pm.
My pain on the scale yesterday was a 10 due to the freezing cold temperature.
My pain on the scale for the last few days has been bobbing back and forth between 9 and 10 because of the freezing cold temperatures too.
The new pain medicine works pretty good, not as long as the old one did, but that's because they were ERs, (extended release) these are immediate release, and they just do not last as long.
I'm supposed to take 1 every 4 to 6 hours as needed for pain, so between 4-6 pills per day depending on the amount of pain that I'm in.
It's been terribly cold as you you know, (I've been complaining about it enough) so the rods are frozen which causes a lot of pain, so I'm on the higher end of the dosing.
Nope, no new or unusual symptoms.
Nope, my surgeon has not found a way to fix my head yet.
Nope, I didn't have any more trips to the ER that he didn't know about, and nope, I didn't have any questions for him.
I left from his appointment around 4:35, then me and my friend Nic, who had driven me to my appointment, drove over to the pharmacy to pick up my scripts.
We waited about 10 minutes and they call me to the window to pick them up and pay, and their merchant services machine goes down.
Great.
I have to leave there and go find an ATM.
The shopping plaza the pharmacy is in, is like the only one in Sarasota that doesn't have a single ATM machine, so we have to drive over to the Hess station across Bee Ridge Road.
I use the ATM, grab the cash, and drive back across the street.
I go back to the pharmacy, the girl tells me the machine is still not working, so I pay in cash, get my scripts, and we leave.
From there, we start heading home but we both need to run to the store to grab something to feed our families for dinner.
We run into the Publix closest to our house, she runs 1 way, and I run to the frozen pizza.
Hey, I'm tired and cold, the teens can eat frozen pizza and love it, and they did, moving on!
I use my debit cards all of the time, I rarely ever use cash anymore, so when I went to pay, I instinctively swiped my debit card.
Declined.
What. the. hell?
Swipe again.
Declined.
Ergh, what the hell is wrong?!
Please tell me not another machine is down!
Swipe again.
Declined!
*smacks forehead*
D'oh!
I don't have enough money in my account for this purchase because I used my debit card to pay for my doctor appointment which ended up costing me less than the appointment girl told me when she called me Tuesday afternoon to remind me about my appointment, and I had to withdraw some cash earlier to pay for my prescriptions.
D'oh!
ATMs only let you withdraw in multiples of $20, so I had to draw out more than my scripts actually cost, but it also wiped out my balance down to like $4.89, the pizza that I was trying to pay for was $12.50.
I totally forgot that I had the remaining cash in my wallet.
So I looked like a totally broke fool at the register while a growing line of people stood behind me making it vocally clear *ahem* *cough* *ahem* that they wanted my dumb butt to just pay for my stuff or get the hell out of the way!
I swear, I can be just an absolute idiot sometimes, but honestly, when you get so used to using only 1 form of payment all of the time for everything, shopping, paying the bills, gas, take-out food, whatever, it can be very easy to forget that you have other forms of payment available to you like I did.
By the time I got back home a little after 5:30, my toes were completely frozen because of how cold it was outside and because I still can't wear regular shoes, only sandals, and because there's no heat in Nic's car, so the 2 of us drove all over the place and back home yesterday afternoon freezing our butts and toes off, I came in, changed and got into comfy clothes, and then aimed the portable heater at my chair and my feet for probably over an hour.
After they finally warmed up around 7pm, I got up and made dinner.
I made some home made General Tso and home made teriyaki chicken strips, I cleaned up from dinner, and then I was so tired and started to get cold again, so I laid on the couch, watched some tv, and then got my second wind which has now, kept me awake the entire night and the entire day. .
I'm so tired right now, I don't even remember if I got any sleep on Tuesday night.
I think I did, but I honestly don't remember if I did.
January 4, 2010
Why hire the same company again Florida?!
A road construction project, a HUGE one, down in Fort Myers has been halted due to a possible asbestos issue.
The $25 million dollar Summerlin road project has been stopped, roped off with caution tape, while state inspectors check for asbestos, a cause of cancer, most specifically, mesothelioma.
While county leaders are reserving their comments until after results are announced, on Monday state inspectors shared more information about what they're finding and how much asbestos may be out there. "If you look in close, you can see the fibers up in here and that's usually an indication of asbestos," said Sherrill Culliver of FDEP.
Posen Construction, the contractor for the flyover, has had asbestos issues before. They were forced to clean up asbestos chunks on a site near Alico Road a few years ago. The company, which has not returned our repeated calls, has several other high price contracts in the county.
The state does allow up to 260 feet of asbestos laden material to be at a construction site. If the tests come back positive and exceed that amount, those responsible will face environmental fines and, possibly, action by the county.
If the state of Florida knew that Posen Construction has had issues with asbestos before, if they knew that they had gotten in trouble for using it before, why did they hire them again?!
This is a huge project, a $25 million dollar project that has now been halted while state investigators search for the asbestos.
If it's found, all of the work that has been done so far on the flyover will have to be taken down and the whole thing started again, costing the state of Florida, the taxpayers, to have to hand over even more money to get it done correctly.
I just don't understand this kind of stuff.
I don't understand why it took so long for them to start investigating this construction site when they knew that this construction company, Posen Construction, has used more asbestos than the state allowable amount on past construction projects.
When I know that someone has messed up something in the past, I don't wait for the project they are doing for me to be more than halfway completed before I start looking at it, I usually try to find somebody else before using them again.
Isn't that what most people do when they get bad customer service somewhere?
You go somewhere else or try to find someone else, before ever going back to the place that gave you bad customer service, or did a bad job, you don't go back to them again, and if you do, you keep a very close eye on them.
Does the state like wasting taxpayer money?
Apparently they do because now not only will it cost the state more money to get the flyover done correctly, but now we're paying for the investigation.
The investigators who do the work, the lab tests, the lab workers, and so on, it's just even more money that's being spent on an already very expensive road project.
January 3, 2010
My toes are froze.
The teens went to Publix late Saturday afternoon to grab some subs for themselves for dinner, some 4-cheese pizza Hot Pockets for me, and to pick up some laundry detergent so I could do the laundry before Sebastian has to go back to school on Monday.
I know, Hot Pockets aren't exactly good for you, some people think they are totally gross, but I actually like the taste of them.
They are all that I was able to cook for myself for weeks on end for lunches after both of my surgeries, so I got used to them and grew to really like them.
Anyway, the teens picked up a big 64 use/wash-load bottle of Tide, the biggest bottle that they could find because I had that coupon for a free bottle thanks to the Bounce Dryer Bar fiasco, and the coupon did say any size, so I made sure that they knew to grab the biggest bottle on the shelves.
If they are going to give me free product because I went for 3 whole weeks with itchy red hives, a rash, and welts, from my neck all of the way down my entire body, anywhere my clothes, towels, or blankets touched, caused me to be covered in it, you can bet your butt that I'm going to get the biggest sized product available.
I had to re-wash every. single. load. of. clothes. that I had dried with that thing in my dryer, and considering I do about 6-8 loads of laundry per week, yeah, I ran out of my Purex 3-in-1 laundry sheets really quickly.
After they came home, I started getting the laundry done, I think I just have 2 more loads of towels to do, and then I'll be done for a day or 2.
I posted to KatScan late last night about how cold it is here, and so I've been up all night long with insomnia and freezing my toes off.
I am still totally unable to put on socks and shoes, I still can't bend over to tie shoes either, so I've been wearing flip flops, actually, they are Dr. Scholl's sandals, and they are what I have been wearing since August 2008 after the kitties chewed apart my last pair.
Yup, I've been wearing the exact same sandals every single day since '08.
I've never had an issue with wearing sandals every day, that is until now.
Like I said, it's freaking cold outside!
I'm in the house, but the floor is cold, it's just cold in here, and I can't put on socks and shoes, and wearing my sandals would be like wearing nothing on my feet, so I went Amazon hunting for some slippers that I could actually get on without any problems.
I found some Dearfoams Women's Boucle Mules, and they look like they would work perfectly for me!
They are indoor/outdoor, foam cushioned, lined with faux fur, and slip on!
Perfect!
They come in my size, and they come in black!
Yeuss!!
I could wear them in the house as slippers, and I could also wear them outside to keep my feet warm when I have to go to the store and stuff.
The best part?
They're less than $20 bucks!
I am so getting a pair as soon as I pay off a few bills this month because I don't think my toes can survive the super cold weather much longer.
It's not usually this cold here at this time of year, it doesn't get really cold until around the middle to the end of February, the beginning of March, not right now or in December when we had a few cold fronts come through, so this super cold air is making my toes freeze and my titanium like an iceberg.
I've been wearing my Thera pod practically all night long.
Every single time it cooled off, I nuked it for another minute and then strapped it back on my lower back.
It didn't warm up all of the titanium, but at least my lower back was warm, that's the area that I have the most pain in, so it worked good for that at least.
I really should have turned on the portable heater much sooner than I did.
I completely forgot that I even had it, it was sitting right here in the living room though, right on the other side of my tower table on the floor, but d'oh! I didn't plug it in and turn it on until like 7am after spending the entire night with frozen toes.
I can be such an idiot sometimes, but at least it's starting to warm up so that when the teens wake up, it'll be a bit warmer in here.
I can't believe that Carmine the kitty wanted to go out so early, he was crying and meowing to go out starting around 6am, but I didn't let him go until a little after 7.
I'm going to go check and see if he wants back in yet.
Last night, he kept wanting to go out, and then we'd hear him scratching at the door just 10 minutes later because of how cold it was.
I bet anything he's either sitting right at the door, or sitting on the chair that's out there right next to the door.
It's still only 38 degrees!
Brrrrr!!
December 30, 2009
I hate the cold weather.
For the last 24 hours, it has been cold and just generally yucky around here.
It was in the low to mid 30s which usually doesn't happen for the last few years, but it was super cold last night, and it will be super cold for the rest of the week too.
I really hate it when it gets cold like this, nobody wants to go out and do anything, everyone is dressed like we live in Alaska.
Seriously, I saw someone in a big thick winter coat, a scarf, and gloves.
It was cold enough to wear a winter coat, but it isn't cold enough to dress all of that on.
The weather really hurts me when it gets cold, the titanium screws get frozen, then they make me feel like I'm frozen, freezing to death from the inside out.
When it gets cold like that, I wish that I could just pack up all of the stuff we need, and then go on to find someplace warm to stay in the cold has gone away.
Rent a motor home, get the insurance and a motorhome warranty, and start driving to the lower portions of this state like Miami maybe, or even further south.
A motor home would be cool because we could all fit in it, our kitties too, pack up whatever food we have in the house, all of our sodas and stuff, and just start driving south to get to warmer weather near the equator.
Someday I will do the things that I talk about, going to the mountains, motor home, just go wherever it takes up.
December 21, 2009
Acu-Life Thera Pod product review.
I was very fortunate to receive an Acu-Life Thera Pod soothing 2-in-1 therapy heating and cooling pad for my review.
I received it free of charge in exchange for my honest opinion of the product.
The Acu-Life Thera Pod provides both moist heat and cold therapy to help facilitate healing of sore and tired muscles, aches and sprains, and even migraines.
For moist heat therapy, you remove the cold pack from the Thera Pod and place it in the freezer, and place the Thera Pod on a microwave safe plate, microwave for just 1 minute, and then you place it directly on the area that needs the moist heat.
It stays in place because it comes with an adjustable velcro strap.
So you can wear it on your lower back, arm, leg, shoulder, (like in the picture) knees, ankles, anywhere that you need to use moist heat or cold therapy.
For cold therapy, you insert the cold pack and wear it where you need to.
Moist heat helps with stiffness and flexibility, and cold therapy helps with inflammation and swelling.
All 3 of us have used the Acu-Life Thera Pod since getting it.
Sebastian has used the cold pack for his migraines, and both Mark and I have used it for our sore lower backs.
It really works well too.
Both Mark and I absolutely love the moist heat therapy, just nuke it and wear it until it cools off, and by the time it has cooled off, our lower backs no longer hurt as bad, and we both had improved flexibility, we were able to bend over and stand up straight without the usual discomfort.
The other night when it was a bit chilly out and I was really hurting from the cold weather, I nuked it for 1 minute, strapped it around my lower back, and laid on the couch and watched a movie for 2 hours.
When the movie was over, my pain was drastically lessened and I was able to get off the couch without the stiffness that I usually have trying to get up off of the couch.
I've tried to use heating pads while lying on the couch before, but if you roll over or change position, the heating pad would move and I would have to readjust it over and over again.
With the Acu-Life Thera Pod, because it's strapped to my lower back, I was able to lay on the couch, change position as I needed to, roll over, and it moves with me, so it's perfect for laying down and soothing and relaxing my sore lower back.
I almost wish it was full back size, like big enough to strap around my entire back, because then it just might help with the freezing cold and stiffness from the titanium rods.
But wearing it on my lower back and laying on the couch with a blanket over me, it did help warm me up a bit on the inside, and it did help with the stiffness and pain in my lower back.
I really like the Acu-Life Thera Pod, it works very well, it can do both moist heat and cold therapy, and both are needed in soothing and relaxing sore and stiff muscles.
I'm very glad that I was given this product to try and review, I would have never known about it had I not been asked to give it a try.
Continue Reading �
December 21, 2009
32 and dead of natural causes?
Actress Brittany Murphy died early Sunday morning of what the coroner is calling natural causes right now, until an autopsy is done.
Assistant Chief Coroner Ed Winter said they will conduct an autopsy Monday to try to determine what killed the actress, and said her death appeared to be from natural causes. He said the reported illness could have contributed to her death, but it will be weeks before a final determination is made.
If a 32 year old can die of natural causes, then someone my age, almost 40, can die of natural causes too.
I have underlying health problem as well, I take a lot of medications, I keep getting my medications switched on me while we still try to find one that works well, but it's things like this that make me worry about my health and my life.
I'm always looking at getting a term life insurance quote, yet I still haven't gotten life insurance.
I know that I should, I know that I need to have it, but I keep not doing it.
Two things always stop me from doing it, money to pay the monthly insurance premium, and the totally irrational fear that if I do it, it will cause me to die sooner.
I know that it's totally irrational, but it's still a very real fear that I have.
So many people have died in the last few weeks, families have lost children to drowning, a mother lost her husband, 4 year old son, and a 17 month old baby this past week, only she and her step-daughter survived the fire, a blogging friend tweeted this morning that a family friend found her husband dead in the bathroom, it's just not been a good few weeks for people.
All of this has made me feel, first of all, very sad for these families, I can't even imagine, but second, even more strongly that I should get life insurance, I don't want to leave my sons and family burdened with having to pay for my funeral, which I don't want anyway, I want to be cremated and just leave it at that, but still, cremation costs money that none of my family can really afford if I were to die soon.
I don't know, I just feel very sad right now, sad for all of the losses that people have suffered.
December 20, 2009
I love the cold but hate it too.
It's been rather chilly here all day and night now, the high today was 62, and the low is going to be somewhere between 42 and 47.
I love the cold, I really do, but my body doesn't.
I love the cold we're having right now because it makes it feel much more like Christmas, but my body is hating it.
I had to go out today and fill up another script of my pain meds because I just wasn't able to deal with the pain from the frozen rods attached to my spine.
That's the one thing that I absolutely cannot stand about the spine fusion, the freezing feeling of the rods when it gets cold or rains, it's truly an unreal feeling, people without the rods have absolutely no idea what it's like, and every person who has the rods, tells me the same thing, they freeze when it gets cold or rains.
When Sebastian and I went for our nightly walk, it was around 47 degrees, a bit on the chilly side for Florida, so we wore our new hoodies that we got from Joanne.
They are wicked nice, warm, and incredibly soft, we love them and they are perfect for the chilly weather here.
It rarely ever gets super freezing cold here, but there are times that does get chilly enough to turn on our portable electric heater to just keep it at a nice warm temperature in here.
Not so hot we're sweating, but not so cold that we have to bundle up.
The boys are more used to the weather here than I am, they were little when we moved here, so their bodies adjusted to the weather much more than me.
My body still isn't totally used to it, plus ever since my surgeries, my internal thermometer is like broken, I'm always about 10-15 degrees hotter than everyone else.
It could be 70 degrees, and to me, it will feel like it's 80-85 degrees, so when it's really super hot out in the summer, I'm sweating to death, that's why I have both the ac on and a box fan sitting about 4 feet from me blowing on me constantly when I'm sitting here at my desk.
I love my little portable heater, it does a really good job keeping us warm enough during the winter, but if I had my own house and it had a fireplace in it like most of the bigger homes here in Sarasota do, I would probably convert it to an electric fireplace to save on the cost and the mess of using real wood in a fireplace.
They make and sell a electric fireplace insert that plugs in, it looks like real wood burning, it feels like a real wood burning fireplace too.
I've been in a friend's house that has one and they love it because they don't have to buy any wood for it, and the cost of running it is about 3¢s per hour to just have the look of flame, and about 8¢s per hour to have the heat turned on.
It uses a standard electrical outlet, and provides 4700 BTUs/hr of heat, and provides supplemental heat for up to 400 sq ft, that's enough to heat up my entire house that I live in right now.
I love the look of fireplaces but hate having to chop up wood and clean up the ash and soot after the fire burns out.
Tomorrow night's low is going to be around 43, it's going to be wonderfully chilly out and if the boys ask me to turn on the heat, I will, but we usually don't have to use heat until around February.
Just check out this video that I found about electric fireplace inserts, it looks so easy to install and use, I would love to have one if I could, it would make the house look and feel so nice.
Once I started to feel a little better, I started to do some cooking and baking.
I have a pot roast cooking in the slow cooker, I'm going to let it cook on low all night long, it will be absolutely perfect to eat tomorrow, the meat will just be so moist and tender, and the carrots, onions, and baby potatoes will be perfect too.
I just got done making some peanut butter blossom cookies with Hershey's kisses on them.
They came out perfect, and tomorrow I may make some chocolate chip cookies, I love baking cookies around the holidays, they make the house smell awesome, and everyone loves to eat them.
December 17, 2009
But I don't wanna switch plans!
It's the time of year when people on Medicare start getting bombarded with mailers, emails, phone calls, and everyone sees the commercials for the Medicare supplement plans, because now is the one time per year when you can change your plan, and every company wants you to switch to their plan.
I don't have a supplement plan, I only have a part D drug plan, and that's because all of the plans available in my area cost way too much and the co-pays actually get more expensive with some of them.
There is one that I would switch to if it was available in my area, Blue Advantage, but I can't get it here.
If I lived in Tampa I could, but not here in Sarasota, so I won't be switching to any of the other plans because I don't like having to pay $50 when I walk into the ER, that's totally ridiculous to have to pay before you can be seen in an ER in my opinion.
The other plans just don't have as much to offer me, the plans would cost a bigger monthly payment, and right now I only pay $6.30 per month for my part D plan which is good enough for me.
I just wish all of the mailings, emails, and phone calls would stop.
They're starting to drive me crazy.
December 16, 2009
Our new netbook is here!
The netbook that I ordered for Sebastian to use at school and for his digital design projects came today!
It wasn't supposed to be here until Friday, but FedEx really kicked some major butt getting it here.
Just yesterday the 15th, it was in Anchorage Alaska, and FedEx somehow got it from there to Memphis Tennessee, and then to Tampa, and to Sarasota between 3:30pm yesterday and today at 5:21am.
That is freaking outstanding delivery time!
It's an HP Mini 110, it has 1 GB DDR2 RAM, a 160GB Hard Drive, comes with WinXP, about a 7 hour battery life, a bunch of games were installed which Sebastian just loved checking out, it all a ton of programs and features to it, it's a pretty great little netbook.
I spent some time checking it out, it's going to be really handy to have around when Sebastian isn't using for school.
I figure it will be prefect for those days when I'm not feeling well or in a lot of pain and just not able to do anything but lay on the couch, that I'll be able to use it and get my work done from the couch.
It comes setup for wireless, so I set up the wireless network connection, it searched for all available signals in the area, ours showed up in the list first, but I saw 5 of my neighbors connections in the list.
They were all secure which is nice to see, nobody can steal their wi-fi signals, but I set it all up and Sebastian then checked it out from every room of the house...hahaha
December 15, 2009
Video games, kitty food, and front teeth.
I just ordered the video game the teens wanted for xmas, Cally of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, I got some money in sooner than expected, so I ordered it now before I got stuck having to order with 1 or 2 day expensive shipping.
I also bought the kitties a present, a food feeder, because it's been a total pain in the butt having to constantly add food to their bowl.
It matches the waterer that I have already, so I know that it's a good quality product to have.
The money order from Mom and dad came in today's mail, so I don't have to watch for the mail for that, but I still have other things coming to watch for, so tomorrow while I'm getting my tooth fixed, Mark will have to be the lookout.
I think I'm going to try and go to bed early, see if my body and brain will let me sleep or if it's going to be another night of insomnia.
Later days.
December 14, 2009
Did you really take a shopping cart home from the store?
Yes, yes we did.
Yesterday when Sebastian and I went grocery shopping, we called for a taxi cab like we had planned on doing, we bought a wicked lot of groceries so we needed a ride home.
Well, the taxi cab's phone rang busy every single time that I called it.
For 20 minutes.
It usually goes to voice mail if they are busy, you leave your name and number, they call you right back and schedule you for a pick-up, so I have no idea why it kept ringing busy, but we had all of that food to get home, meats, milk, and other perishables, so we did what we had to do, the food had already been sitting in the cart in the heat for 20 minutes.
Sebastian and I did what we had to do, we walked home with the grocery cart full of groceries.
Now there's a Publix grocery cart sitting in my laundry room, I didn't want to leave it outside and have it get stolen or have the neighbors look at me funny because come on, having a grocery cart sitting in your driveway is as white trash as having an old rusted out car sitting up on cinder blocks.
All of the way home, people were looking at us like we were total white trash walking the mile long way home.
Yes, we live about 1 mile from the store and we walked home with a grocery cart, it's total white trash! Hahahaha!
At least we got all of the food home before it got ruined, I was seriously worried about the milk spoiling, it was about 80 degrees yesterday and so walking the food home, I was really worried that things would start to spoil, and then there ya go, wasted food and money.
I hate wasting food because it's wasted money.
I always store-up leftovers and when the teens tell me they are hungry, I hand them the Rubbermaid of leftovers and tell them how long to reheat it in the microwave.
I make them finish off the last quarter cup of milk in the gallon, the last slices of bread even if they are the crusted loaf ends, I don't waste any food if it can be helped, so walking the grocery cart home as fast as we could so nothing spoiled was super important to me.
Sure we looked totally silly and totally white trash, but I couldn't reach the cab company so yup, I did what I had to do.
Now I'm just sitting here waiting on the mail man again today.
I'm waiting on 3 things to be delivered this week, the money order from Mom and Dad, the netbook is supposed to be delivered by FedEx by Friday, and a review product is also supposed to be here sometime near the end of this week, so it's a full week of stalking the mailman and other delivery people.
It kind of sucks to have to just sit here with the blinds open and waiting, I have other things that I can be doing, but I don't want stuff to get stolen, and this is the time of year when things get stolen by desperate and ignorant people.
December 13, 2009
Shopping, decorating, and no sleep.
Once again I've been up all night with insomnia, and then when Sebastian woke up on time because we had planned to go do the big grocery shopping this morning, I had started to doze off right here in my chair.
I hate it when that happens.
I'm so tired from being awake all night long with insomnia, fighting to go to sleep, being unable to sleep so I give up and play on the internet all night.
I end up either goofing off online all night doing totally stupid stuff, or like last night, I was actually checking out all of the various e-tailers looking to see who had the best deals on the video games that the teens want for Christmas, hoping that there will be a good sale when I get paid this week, and also hoping for free and super fast shipping on those video games.
I do not want to have to go into a brick and mortar store to get those games, but because I am doing the Christmas shopping so late, I just may end up having to go to a physical store.
Buy.com does have the best price for Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, and they do have it with free shipping, but according to their holiday ordering deadlines, if I don't get it ordered by Wednesday the 16th at noon, if I still want to order it and get it by Christmas eve, I will have to pay for 1st or 2nd day air which would cost a lot more money than I want or have to spend, so I may end up having to go to a physical store.
As of right now, the price for 2nd day air is only $4.50 more than the standard of $4.40, but that may change the closer we get to the holiday and shipping schedules get tighter or busier, or maybe that's just their really awesome super low price for 2nd day air all of the time?
Wow, I just looked, and 1 day next day air is only $6.00 more!
I know that other e-tailers charge way more than that for 1st and 2nd day air, a whole lot more.
I don't know and I'm really trying to not stress out over being able to order their games on time without having to pay crazy shipping fees, but that's just how I am, my OCD will drive me absolutely crazy every single day until I can actually place the order.
I just hope that I will be able to get it regardless of being able to order it or have to buy it in store.
I know that it's a popular game, so all I want is to definitely be able to get it.
Ok, off to do the grocery shopping now that it stopped raining and the sun actually came out, and then when we get back home, I need to decorate for Christmas.
I've been putting it off all week, and I promised Sebastian that we would definitely get it done this weekend.
Shopping and decorating on no sleep, should be totally awesome.
Not!
December 12, 2009
Up, up and away
Tonight the teens and I watched the movie "Up" by Disney and Pixar.
Well, Friday night, it's now officially Saturday morning.
Once again I've been up all night, spending the entire time crying off and on, just beyond tired and stressed out, and frustrated, and angry, and all kinds of emotions all just slamming into me all night long.
It's not just one reason for this, it's many different reasons and it would all take far too long to explain so I'll just talk about the movie ok?
Ok.
The movie was really good, it was happy and cute, funny and sad, and just a truly wonderful love and friendship story.
I absolutely loved the character of Russell, I thought that kid was just downright adorable!
I wanted so much to just reach out and hug that little guy, his heart was just so open even though it was hurt and broken because his dad wasn't around any longer.
Russell just wanted so much to get it right, to earn that last Wilderness Explorer badge, the Assisting The Elderly Badge, because then maybe his dad would pay attention to him again.
Go camping again, go eat ice cream cones and count the red and blue cars while sitting on the curb, Russell just wanted so much to get those boring things (he called them boring) back.
At the same time that this cute little adventure story is going on with Russell and Carl going up and away in the balloon, we have another story, a love story that happened and is the reason for the whole house going up in balloons.
Carl and Ellie, their love, their life together, ups, downs, happiness, and extreme sadness, but through it all they remained together and on their own adventures together.
Love, friendship, adventure, belonging.
I loved every smile, every laugh, every single tear that this movie made me feel.
It's on sale right now and if I have enough money left over after getting the teens their gifts for Christmas, I might just get this for myself, I enjoyed it that much that I can totally see myself watching it on rainy Saturday afternoons while I lay on the couch with a blanket, a cat, and a few tears sliding down my cheeks.
I know I did a terrible job telling you about this movie, but this post wasn't a movie review, it was just me talking about how my Friday night was, how I'm feeling now at 5am Saturday, just a weird random post filled with all my feelings, mostly sadness.
There are several reasons that I should be happy, but I keep finding myself just totally overcome with sadness every so often these last few days.
I just keep welling up with tears, they start to fall and then I feel the reason that I started crying, it's supposed to be the other way around, feel then cry.
I think this movie just made me feel put on hold, it reminded me that I'm on hold, and I can't get off of hold.
I know that I'm not making a whole lot of sense, I'm exhausted and frustrated with things, and I just want to, actually, I have absolutely no idea what I want other than an intense need for a cigarette right now and I don't have any. hahahaha!
December 9, 2009
I think it's the paint.
I am really starting to think that it's the paint at the high school that is causing Sebastian to keep getting migraines.
Starting the last week of November, Sebastian started a new class that he takes on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
He needs to take and pass this class to earn the required English credit for graduation.
This class is the 2nd period of the day, and every time he has this class, he ends up getting a headache that ends up turning into a migraine at some point during the day or night.
He had the class Monday, had a headache for the rest of the day, and then had the explosive migraine that night at 1am.
He had that class again today, the class starts at 8:45am, and within an hour, he had a headache.
I wasn't home for most of the day, I had my doc appointment, but he sent me this email when he got to his digital design class at 11:45am.
Hey when I get home do we have any Tylenol or Advil something like that.
I got another migraine so I want to get something when I get home.
I asked him a few hours ago, after giving the medicine a chance to work, questions about that particular classroom.
Questions like, was it recently painted, does the teacher wear perfume, do any girls in class wear perfume, do any of the guys wear cologne, can he smell anything harsh like paint or a chemical?
He said his teacher says that perfumes are bad for people so she doesn't ever wear any, he does not sit near any of the girls or guys in the class because he likes to sit near the back of the room away from people because it gives him a little bit of privacy so he can concentrate better, and he said that the class always has a slight smell of paint.
Aha!
He doesn't get headaches every day, only on the days he has this class, the class is at the same time every day, and the room always smells a little bit like paint.
Smells can trigger headaches and migraines, I know this because I get perfume/scent headaches, and certain perfumes and scents cause me to have an instant migraines.
The scents that cause me to have an instant and excruciating migraine are cinnamon and vanilla.
I love cinnamon rolls, I love the taste of them, but I cannot inhale the smell of them too deeply or this food that I love to eat will give me a blinding migraine from breakfast time straight on through the entire day.
At this time of year at Publix, they sell these stupid and absolutely horrid cinnamon brooms and they place them at both store entrances and at various locations throughout the store.
I can go from the dairy aisle and take a left into the deli section and get ambushed by the scent of those brooms and have an instant migraine that makes the rest of my grocery shopping an absolute nightmare.
The vanilla perfume that causes the instant migraine is Vanilla Fields
I know that perfume as soon as I get even the slightest whiff of it.
I first started getting migraines from it when I worked at Pier 1 Imports.
There were 3 (three!) girls who worked there that wore it, and a whole hell of a lot of it.
Ugh.
It would suck when all 3 of them worked on the same day, I would beg the manager to let me work in the stockroom all day because if I had to be on the sales floor with those 3 girls, I would be be curled up in 1 of the papasan chairs and crying by the end of the day.
Strong scents, perfumes, spices, and chemical scents, can causes headaches for almost anybody, but for people who are susceptible to migraines, those scents can turn a regular easy-to-kill with Tylenol headache, into a migraine that just makes you want to chop your own head off.
I really believe that it is the slight smell of paint in that 1 classroom that is causing Sebastian's migraines.
Last year he was getting migraines almost every single day.
Last year the school was being built, there was a ton of construction and painting going on every single day, so he was getting headaches and migraines almost every single day.
Sebastian has to take this class 3 days a week, he has to get this credit in order to graduate, and there is no other teacher in his grade level teaching this class, so he has to be in this classroom 3 days a week.
The school has the most absurd rules about stuff like Tylenol if I wanted to try and help him stave off the impending migraine, too.
No student can have or use any Tylenol or other OTC medication at or on any part of the school property, or face suspension with their zero tolerance policy concerning drugs.
Even if a student has a prescription and a letter from a doctor, they cannot have their pain medicine at school.
We went through this last year when he had to take a migraine medicine every 6 hours, they refused to let him take it at school, they wouldn't even dispense it to him in the school nurses office, it was this huge hassle and that's when I asked them about Tylenol and other OTC meds.
They had the same response, no medications, zero tolerance, but if I wanted to, I could appeal it at the school board, they would investigate the students need for the medication, I would have to give my written consent for them to contact the doctor and find out how much the medication was really needed to be taken.
It was basically a do or die kind of thing, like, was Sebastian's head going to explode if he couldn't take the medication at exactly every 6 hours?
Would he survive if he took 1 dose before he left home in the morning, and then didn't take the next dose until he got home?
He would survive?
Thank you doctor.
Sorry Ms. Cooper, Sebastian will not die if he can't take it at school, so our original decision holds, he will not be taking his medication at school, thank you, and now shut the fuck up.
There were quite a few days last year when I had him stick 2 Tylenol in his pocket before he left home, and I told him how to take them if he started getting a headache.
I told him that when the bell rang and everyone was changing classes in the hallway, to reach into his pocket, grasp the pills in his hand and when he got near a water fountain, start coughing really hard, cover his mouth with his hand so he doesn't spread the germies, pop the Tylenol into his mouth, and then get a drink at the fountain and keep on going to his next class.
If he continues to get these migraines every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, we may just have to start doing the cough and swallow trick again.
It's absolutely pathetic that we have to do that, that any student has to do that.
I know that Mindy's son Jeff had to do that when he injured his foot and was wearing 1 of those boots, they wouldn't let him take his prescription pain meds either, so Mindy did the same as us, cough and swallow.
I hate that we have to break the rules, and I know that if he gets caught doing the cough and swallow he will be suspended for a minimum of 1 week, but knowing that he is getting horrible migraines makes me feel like I have no choice but to break the rules.
His migraine was barely starting to fade away at 9pm, but he finally felt like it was easing up enough to where he could try to sleep, so he went to bed around 9:45pm, and I went and checked on him around 10:15pm, and he was asleep, so I'm hoping that the migraine goes away completely, that he won't wake up screaming later on tonight.
I'm not tired at all, so I'll keep checking on him all night until I do feel like going to bed.
Migraines are truly the suck, both for the person who suffers from them, and for the people caring for the sufferers.
I really hate seeing him hurting so much, I hate seeing the pale and pained face, I hate hearing him cry in a barely audible whisper because even crying normally makes it hurt even more.
I wish there was a safe medication that he only needed to take once a day every day, and it would make it so that migraines never happened at all, and if they did, that it would quickly disappear.
That would be awesome, but so far the only meds sort of like that have terrible side effects, and I refuse to make him end up having chronic diarrhea, chronic dry mouth, heart palpitations, urinary problems, or any of the other multitude of side effects from those medications.
Looks like it will be the ol' cough and swallow trick 3 days a week.
December 8, 2009
Explosive migraines and shopping.
Around 1 am, Sebastian woke up screaming from an explosive migraine.
Mark was awake and playing a video game, I was out here playing around online, and we both heard him screaming, so the both of us ran in there to see what was wrong.
I turned on the light and ran to his bedside and asked what was wrong while brushing his hair out of his eyes.
He was crying and clutching his head, all he could say was "migraine, help me", so I had Mark grab a t-shirt for Sebastian and help him put it on while I ran out to the kitchen to turn on the water and let it get a little colder, and then I came to my desk where I keep my meds and I got out a Hydrocodone, and went back to the kitchen to fill his cup with cold water.
Hydrocodone is basically Vicodin, and Sebastian's doctor has put him on that before so I know it's ok to give it to him.
I had him swallow down the pill and then lay on the couch to try and relax.
I sat next him and rubbed his forehead and temples gently while having him slowly inhale deeply through his nose, and exhale deeply through his mouth.
These things, the breathing and massaging of the head while waiting for the pain pill to kick in, help migraine sufferers relax while waiting for the med to kick in.
If they don't calm down, the migraine can get much worse, especially with Sebastian.
He goes into panic mode and starts breathing really fast and hard, and then he starts crying, and then the migraine gets even bigger, so doing the breathing and massaging for about 10 minutes while waiting for the med to kick in, works extremely well in preventing the exploding migraine from getting any worse.
I suffer from migraines myself, I get about 1 or 2 per month, but I have gotten the exploding migraines in my sleep before, it's very painful, so painful that it feels like you've just been shot in the head at point blank range, like the gun was touching your head when it was fired.
It's not a migraine that comes on slowly, it just explodes in your head, all of a sudden, you have a migraine, BANG! there it is, an explosive migraine that drops you to your knees.
I feel so bad that he gets migraines so often, but at least it's not like last year where he was having 1 just about every other day, he's now only getting them about once per week.
I finally made up my mind and did it.
I bought the netbook tonight.
I won't be needing to buy any laptop memory for the netbook, it has a 160GB hard drive, and 1GB DDR2 system memory already, so that should be plenty for what Sebastian is needing it for for school.
YaY!
December 2, 2009
Respiratory Guard lozenges review.
I had the opportunity recently to try out a product that says that it inhibits invaders from entering into host cells, and may help you and your family with a flu cure.
I wasn't sick with a cold, but both of the teens were sniffling, sneezing and coughing during the week of November 12th.
I started giving the both of them some of the Respiratory Guard lozenges to help combat their illness, and even though it wasn't the flu which needed a flu cure, the Respiratory Guard lozenges did help fight off some of the symptoms they were complaining of, like sore throats and sniffles, and I think it helped getting rid of the ickies a lot faster too.
In my opinion, they do work to help combat the sickies and ickies of the cold, and if any of us are going to get the flu this season, the Respiratory Guard lozenges are probably going to help get rid of that a lot faster too.
The teens only complained of and had symptoms for about 3 days while I was giving them the lozenges, so yeah, that is a lot faster than I can remember them being sick like that last year.
There's only 1 problem with the lozenges though.
Both of the teens said that they taste like fruity ass.
Now I don't know what fruity ass tastes like, but I did taste 1 myself to see why the teens quickly chewed them up and then downed a full glass of water or soda to get rid of the after taste.
I totally agree with the teens assessment of the lozenges.
They do have an aftertaste that just isn't pleasant, but seriously, what type of medicine has a good taste or after taste?
Not too many, so if you just take a big drink after chewing them up, the after taste is gone in seconds.
So in conclusion, they may have a bitter after taste, but they work as they are intended to work, they help fight off symptoms and help you feel better faster.
This review is a result of a feedback campaign by Respiratory Guard. The recipients were asked to give their honest opinion about the product they received. Good reviews were not incentivized and poor reviews will not be censored for their opinion of the product. **
December 2, 2009
Acceptance.
When I got home from the ER tonight, Mark told me that he's ok with it all now, he's ok with the spine issues that he has.
He said that he woke up today and it was like a switch got flipped on, and he's decided that he's not going to let it ruin his life or stop him from doing something to help others.
He knows that he can't be a police officer, but he still wants to work with people, for people, to help people in some way in the civilian service industry.
He's talking doing crime scene investigations, dispatcher work, managing people, or maybe even getting some fire service training for some work.
He knows he can't physically be a fireman, but he can do administrative work, dispatching, he can get a masters in public safety administration too, he has a lot of options so he's open to checking out many different things now rather than his previous attitude of giving up on everything including his own life.
He said he wants to get his drivers license now where before he didn't even want to do that, and he also said that he wants to get a part time job of some sort while he takes some classes at MCC, which is now calling itself State College of Florida.
He was on the site today looking at what kind of classes they offer in public safety, he said he found some classes that are interesting to him, so he would like my help filling out his school applications and the financial aide forms as well.
He's finally at the point of acceptance with all of this, and I am soo happy to hear him say that!
It was so hard watching him be depressed and angry, it was hell getting into arguments with him over him lashing out at Sebastian and I, to hear him say he's ready to move forward is just so awesome I can't even tell you!
Tomorrow, I'm going to do the best I can to help him fill out applications for everything that he needs at MCC, get the info on the driving class so he can get his license, and everything else too.
This is such good news!
Yay!! (*applause*)
Continue Reading �
December 1, 2009
That spider bite turned out to be really bad.
I thought the spider bite issue was resolving itself, I thought I was healing from it.
I was wrong.
By this morning, both of my legs had swollen up like balloons again, they were red, itchy, and then I started getting hives on the upper part of my body.
I had huge red hives on my torso and arms, and my entire body was itching like crazy, so I went to the ER this evening after several doses of Benadryl did absolutely nothing at all to help me.
I just got home at like 10:30pm after spending 4 and a half hours in the very busy ER.
The doctor looked at my body and was like wow, that's pretty bad, let's see what we can do to fix this, so he hooked me up to an IV and started pumping Prednisone, which is a steroid, into me along with some dilaudid for the pain I was in from scratching myself silly all day long.
I had scratched a couple of moles on my shoulders pretty much off, they were open and bleeding so the nurse had to clean them up and put bandaids on them, and then she lectured me about making moles bleed.
I know that you shouldn't pick moles and make them bleed, but when I was scratching, I didn't even know that I had moles in those spots, I was just scratching where it itched.
I had also scratched a bit too hard on my legs so there were some wounds to clean up there too.
I'm home now and have my scripts for more prednisone and for dilaudid already filled by one of the Walgreens that stay open late.
I still have huge red hives all over my upper body and my legs are still swollen and red, but the doc said that should start to clear up within 24 hours of taking the steroid.
He couldn't figure out what kind of spider bit me, but he did confirm the spider bite is what caused this to happen.
I'm just happy to be home and I'll be happy when the swelling goes away, that's what's so painful, the swelling in my legs, it makes it so that I can't even walk well, I'm like limping on both sides.
It's a sight to see for sure. haha
I can't wait to get some decent sleep tonight, I'm so tired from all of the hours of scratching myself to death.
November 29, 2009
Recovering slowly.
Our Thanksgiving was good, everything was really tasty, and the turkey came out fantastic in the NuWave!
I wasn't sure if I wanted to risk cooking the turkey in the NuWave if it was going to come out bad, but it cooks whole chickens just fine, so why not a turkey?
The fresh thawed turkey cooked in a little under 3 hours, and it came out very moist, tender, and juicy, and tasted exactly like it would taste in the regular oven, so yeah, it can cook a whole turkey in less time than an oven.
But I am just now starting to recover from a spider bite that happened when I laid down to rest early Thanksgiving morning after being awake all night Wednesday cleaning the house and getting things ready.
I didn't know it was a spider bite until yesterday though when Sebastian found the bite marks using a flashlight to look at my right leg.
I laid down Wednesday morning to rest, never felt a thing, but within a few hours, my right leg, left leg, torso, and both arms, were red, swollen, and throbbing in pain.
I could hardly walk, it took help getting around the house, it was soo painful trying to walk, both of my legs were huge and red, I had no idea what had happened.
We thought it may have been a circulatory issue, but Sebastian found the bite mark yesterday.
I have no idea what kind of spider it was, but it caused such a mess with my body.
I am still swollen on my right leg where it bit me just below the knee cap on the inside of my leg.
I had a hard time finishing making the Thanksgiving meal, but I did, then we ate, and then I laid down on the couch and that's where I've been pretty much non-stop since.
I've only gotten up to use the bathroom, but then right back to the couch to keep my legs elevated.
My whole body was red and swollen, my arms, hands, part of my neck, it was really awful.
This stupid bite has caused me to be down and unable to do anything at all, so I am behind on work, the house is a mess, I'm still in pain and just feeling totally tired and useless.
It sucks.
But our meal was good, the teens enjoyed every bite, they have eaten all of the leftovers already too...LoL
Ok, back to the couch I go, sitting up causes the still swollen parts to start throbbing in pain, so I need to go lay down again.
Later days.
November 25, 2009
Getting things ready.
My sis came and took me to Publix to get some last minute food needs for the holiday, it was absolutely crazy in there today! OMG!
But I knew it would be, day before Thanksgiving, everybody was in there getting their last minute food items and pies.
After we went shopping, she took the teens to her house for the night so they can babysit the girls while her and her husband go out to dinner and a movie for their anniversary.
The teens love babysitting, they totally enjoy playing with the girls and then watching movies or playing WoW after the girls go to sleep.
She'll be bringing them back in the morning so we can have our traditional T-day breakfast, and then sis has to go to work for a few hours.
She said that on the way home today, she and the boys will be hitting a few stores to try and find those Zhu Zhu Pets
The girls really want them, so she's trying to get them for the girls for Christmas.
Those are some pretty expensive little toys, holy crap!
I had no idea that they cost that much, and of course, they are THE hot ticket item this year, every kid wants to have one.
She's also looking at those FurReal Friends
I just called her and told her that Amazon
They want the kitty that I linked to, Susan and Skye both said 'he looks like Aunty Kat's kitty Carmine', and they're right, it does!
____________________________
My newly extended family, my bio-siblings, (squeee!) are all getting together for turkey day tomorrow, I wish I could be there, they wish I could be there, Joanne and I messaged each other back and forth on FB about it, exchanged holiday wishes and birth-dates of all of our family members, but I told her that going to Maine is just not gonna happen this year, maybe next year.
I'm hoping for a February visit if my income taxes are good enough.
When we do go, I'll have to get Mark a second form of ID for travel because he's now a legal adult, and anytime I have flown since homeland security set up all of the new flying rules with the TSA, I've had to have my ID, a credit or debit card, and my 'I have metal implants which may set off metal detectors' card.
When Sebastian and I flew to NYC to meet the siblings and do the Today show, Sebastian had his school ID, and that was it, and the check-in person told me that he should get a second form of ID when he turns 18 if he plans on flying anywhere, and Sebastian piped up that he wants to go see Australia, and the lady said that he might have to do an international background check if he plans on leaving the country, that homeland security has gotten much more strict and thorough when issuing passports.
I don't know how true that is, I've never heard that said before, so I'll go look it up at some point before we fly up to Maine to check and see if Mark is really going to need a second form of ID now that he's 18, and I'll look up that international background check rule too.
I've never left the country so I have absolutely no idea what all you would need to leave the country other than a passport.
____________________________
Ok, I haven't eaten anything at all yet today, so I'm going to go grab something to eat.
I bought some of Publix's most awesome chunky chicken salad, so I'm going to make a yummy sandwich and then get cracking on doing the dishes and getting all of my stuff organized to make the turkey and everything for tomorrow.
November 23, 2009
Stressed up to here.
I've been down sick and seriously fatigued for the last few days due to stress.
I'm pretty sure I've mentioned it multiple times, that when I get super stressed out, my body revolts and makes me super sick.
It's my body's way of saying "Hey! Kat! Slow the hell down woman, you're killing us in here!".
It's just been non-stop arguing with Mark about all of this, and arguing with Sebastian about school, and arguing with an insane teacher who keeps calling me, and just all kinds of stuff.
The approval for physical therapy came in today's mail, so I tried talking to Mark about it, tried to get him to realize that he can do it even though the doc told him nothing more strenuous than going for a walk, but the doc ordered the PT, so yes, he can do some workouts just not do really crazy stuff.
I'm going to set his appointments up with the same place that I went for my PT because that guy who works there really knows what he's doing, and they will be having Mark use some of the fitness equipment that they have there to help him build up his core, make it stronger, it's part of the PT orders that he do mostly core strengthening exercises.
But as it's been for the last several weeks, Mark argues about it, he argues about everything.
I really try to not argue back, but I can't help it.
When he starts snapping at me, starts giving me the eye, I feel like I have to defend myself.
I hate this, I really hate this.
Then this morning, my landlord showed up, said he needed the rent for December early, way early, because of the property taxes that are due, so I needed to give him the rent.
I didn't have it all, so I had to find a way to get it.
I got it and then called him so he could come back and get it, but man, that sucked having to get it all so early.
He apologized about it, said that the property taxes came due, he needed to get down to the city and pay it no later than 10am tomorrow morning, said he got the letter in the mail this morning, and so he had to rush to all of the apartments he owns and get everyone to pay early so he could pay the property taxes and while he's there, he said he's going to yell at them about mailing stuff so late that it makes it hard for people to come up with that kind of money in a little over 24 hours.
But it's all paid now, my rent for next month is all paid, so at least I can stop stressing about that.
Money is a huge stress-er for me, it's always on my mind, and I hate it.
I hate how money causes me so much stress.
Oh well, it's all done now, dinner is done cooking too, so I'm going to go feed my boys and try to have a peaceful evening with no fighting and stuff.
November 19, 2009
Seriously annoyed.
I am seriously ticked off tonight, so ticked that I completely lost my appetite, have no need at all for any kind of appetite suppressant at all, my hands are shaking, I'm super stressed and agitated as well.
That counselor that was supposed to come to the house this afternoon?
She was supposed to be here between 2:30-3pm.
At almost 5 minutes to 4pm, she was still not here.
She finally showed up at almost 4:30pm, and said she was in a meeting, that she has meetings every Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, from 2pm-4pm.
So I asked her why she made an appointment to meet with us between 2:30pm-3pm if she knew she was going to be unable to make it?
She said sorry, but thought that it would be ok because as I had told her on the phone, I am always at home.
That doesn't matter!
It does not matter if I am always at home or not, if you make a freaking appointment time with me, you need to keep it.
Showing up late just because I'm always home is simply not ok to do.
If you know that you have meetings until 4pm, schedule the appointment with me for 4:30pm, because even though I don't work, and I say that I'm always home, I do have other stuff to do in my life.
I go to the store for food, I make dinner, I try to get my work done, other things, but instead, I sat here from 2:30pm-4:30pm waiting on her to show up or call, and she did tell me that she would call when she was on her way.
She never called me to tell me that, just all of a sudden, there was a car in my driveway.
I am simply not ok with people who say one thing and then do another.
Just because I'm disabled and always home, it doesn't mean that people get to play with my time like I don't matter.
I am really ticked off and angry, I'm just going to go to bed, I am tired and stressed out, just way too much going on.
November 19, 2009
Trying to clean for an in-home visit.
A counselor is coming here this afternoon to talk with us as a family, to see how she can help us, what kind of things can be done to help us.
I know I still haven't explained in detail what's going on here, I will, not right now, but I will.
Obviously though, it's serious enough to get this counselor here as soon as possible because this is becoming so much bigger than I can take care of on my own.
So this morning, I grabbed my box cutter and broke down the box from the computer, started some laundry, dusting, and general cleaning of the house so it doesn't look like a total sty in here when she arrives.
I will try to post the how and the why and how it all went later on, I just have a ton of stuff that I am going through right now, so many things are now way down on my list of to-do's.
And I need a cig in the worst possible way right now. Bad habits are the suck, I know, but damn, way too much stress happening for me right now.
Blah.
November 16, 2009
Brain freeze. Or is it thawing into mush?
I have been having difficulty all weekend, actually for many days now, trying to think straight, to work, to blog, to do much of anything, and every single time I sit down to do something, I end up stopping.
I'm not exactly sure of the reason, it's probably several factors.
I'm once again, adjusting to a new med, one that I am having difficulty with, and I have a crap ton of stress, I'm trying to re-adjust to my antidepressant, and I'm just treading water around here.
Mark and I are not ok.
It's rough here, I would love to go into more detail on that, but not right now.
I really think that's the bulk of my problem, I was talking to my sister about it last night, and I was in tears trying to explain to her what's going on, and as angry as I am at him, how can I blame him for what he's dealing with and feeling?
I gave this problem to him, inadvertently, not even knowing that I was going to do give it to him, but I did, so how in the hell can I blame him for how he's feeling?!
I can blame him for how he's behaving, but I too behaved this way when I was faced with the news.
Of course when I got it, I was out on my own, my kids were young, I couldn't really snap at anyone because I had no one to snap at.
Hell, I still don't have anyone to yell at for all of this, my bio-parents are dead.
But I'm right here, I'm his bio-parent, I gave him this crap through the handed-down DNA, so I'm right here to yell at and treat like garbage.
He needs counseling, we need counseling, all of us, as a family, because this isn't just affecting Mark and I, it's affecting his little brother Sebastian too.
Just yesterday as Sebastian and I walked to the store together, we talked as we always do, and he said to me that he will never leave us, that he will get a good education and career so that he can take care of us because we can't survive on our own once Mark starts to get worse, waiting for 15-20 years, Mark will only get worse, so Sebastian isn't going to leave, he's going to provide for us, take care of us physically, and he's scared, scared of the things that Mark has said.
I too am scared of the things Mark has said, that's why he needs counseling, we all do.
It's hurting all of us.
All of this stuff is probably why my brain is like in shut down mode, can't do what I need to do, I'm struggling.
November 10, 2009
2 steps forward, 3 steps back, and 1 to break even.
I thought that I was finally starting to make some progress with Mark, not with his actual medical/Medicaid stuff, but with him and his feelings about all of this.
Last week when he was sleeping in late and Sebastian was at school, I heard Mark yelling, screaming, I thought maybe he was having a bad muscle spasm or something, so I ran to his room to help him.
He was sound asleep but screaming in his sleep.
Screaming that his life was over, that all he ever wanted was now all gone, his only dream was destroyed, and that he hated me, he hates me for what I did to him, because I gave this to him.
I spoke quietly to him to calm him down in his sleep, told him it was all ok, that he was at home, he was safe, that things were going to be ok, and after a few minutes of talking softly to him and rubbing his head, he drifted back to a calmer sleep.
It bothered me all that day and ever since.
They say that when you talk in your sleep, that you tell the truth.
I don't know how true that is, but it's been bothering me that he said those things.
I already blame myself for his spine problems, and I know, it's not my fault, it's genetic, I didn't do it to him on purpose, but I still feel guilty about it, I can't help but feel this way.
It just hurts me to know he is hurting.
And then tonight when he came back home from sleeping at his friend Jeff's house last night, he and I got into a big huge fight about it all, about how it's not fair that he has this, and that he doesn't want to be like me, doesn't want to end up like me, that he better get his surgery, the doctors had better do it now, not wait 15-20 years, that's not acceptable to him, he wants it now, he will not wait, when is his next appointment, what did I do today to get him his surgery, what's going on, why haven't I kept him updated.
He's angry, absolutely furious, and he's lashing out at me because of how he feels, I totally understand that, I did the same thing when it happened to me, when I was told that I had to stop working, that I couldn't lift anything heavier than 10lbs, that I was disabled, I know how he feels, I don't blame him one bit.
We must have gone back and forth for over an hour, me telling him repeatedly that I was doing every single thing within my abilities to get him taken care of, that I had called in and requested the appeal form to request a second opinion from a neurosurgeon other than the one that the orthopedist wants him to see, but the ortho is refusing to allow me to take him to a different doctor, so I have to request an appeal of that decision, so I'm doing that, plus I'm still trying to get the right to take him to a doctor out of network and be allowed to have a consult with that doctor, pay out of pocket for the consult, and not get the doc doing the consult in trouble because he saw a Medicaid patient without their approval.
That whole thing is totally ridiculous to me, I just don't understand that at all, how is us paying out of pocket for a consult a bad thing to Medicaid, why would they be angry over that, they wouldn't have to pay for it?
But Mark and I argued and argued, I tried not to argue back, I know that he's simply expressing his feelings, but he was so angry and yelling at me, he was saying hurtful things to me, about me, and I am ashamed of myself for arguing back, I shouldn't have.
This whole thing is so beyond stressful for the both of us, it's tiring and devastating, and so hard to deal with.
I think it's giving the both of us a big time mental beat-down.
I'm sleeping more than I normally do, I usually have insomnia for days on end, but I'm extremely tired and sleeping a lot, but I'm not sleeping well when I do sleep.
I'm having some pretty major panic attacks while I'm sleeping, enough of an attack to wake me from my sleep and I'll be in a deep sweat upon waking.
I'm not eating well at all either, what I am eating is comfort foods, I eat when I get stressed out like this, I go straight for sweets, straight for my comforts and a lot of them when I get like this.
All of the weight that I had lost over the last few months, about 15lbs, is probably being put right back on and I'll need some slim pills or something to help me get rid of the weight again.
I did get my refill of Elavil today, I ran out about a week/week and a half ago, and maybe that has something to do with how I'm feeling.
I've been taking it since July and this is the first time that I've run out, so that probably has a lot to do with how I'm feeling, it's actually, probably, the entire reason for how I'm feeling.
After taking an antidepressant for 5 months and suddenly stopping, duh, of course I would be feeling way more stressed out than usual and having panic attacks, not sleeping well, and being agitated like I am.
Funny how that just went *bang!* into my brain as I was sitting here almost near tears.
I didn't even think about that being part of the reason that I'm feeling this way.
I do have a lot to be stressed out about, both Mark and I do, this is very hard for the both of us to try and deal with, but some of my issues are due to medication changes, stopping one that I've been on for 5 months.
Duh.
November 10, 2009
Starting to look up.
I am one smart cookie I tell ya!
I was freaking out! Like war seriously freaking out about all of my saved bookmarks and passwords and stuff, and how they were lost and gone until my hard drive files can all be transfered over to a new pc.
I was like almost on the verge of tears about losing all of those bookmarks, i need them all for work and stuff, and that's when i just now remembered my Sims 3 USB drive that I got when I got my game.
About 3 weeks ago, I just said to myself, if something bad ever happens, you will need all of these sites, so back them up.
I exported all of my FF and IE bookmarks, and all of my usernames and passwords, to my desktop, and then saved them all to my Sims 3 USB drive.
I just checked it, and yeuss!
It's all still there!
Woot!
I am sooooo happy about that!
Yay!
My friends are on their way over with the desktop that I can use temporarily until I get a new one, they should be here in about an hour or so, and then I'll be able to be back out at my desk with my setup and working again the way that works best for me instead of this strained sitting position that I'm in now.
The loaner desktop isn't much, it's a small hard drive, but that's ok, I just need to be able to get online with it so I can do work.
Then when I get the new pc, I can get all of my files transferred over to it, and be good to go.
I am very lucky to have such good friends who are willing to help me out like that, loan me a computer because they know this is how I make my living, and to my other friend for actually giving me an early xmas present.
I think I said thank you about 80 times, truly an awesome thing to do for me, I am abundant in the good friend despartment and feel very lucky to have such amazing friends.
I went to my docs this morning, I'll post how that all went later on once the loaner pc is hooked up.
Later days for now1
November 9, 2009
My computer is dead.
I managed to fix the bad caller error, but then when I went to plug it back in, nothing.
I tried for hours and hours to fix it, but it simply will not come back on, it won't boot up, nothing.
The power lights flash for about a half of a second, and then that's it, nothing at all.
I am using the teens pc at the moment, but I can't use it all of the time for work and stuff, Sebastian does school work on it, Mark plays games on it, plus it's on desk and their monitor is at an angle that makes it very difficult for me to see and use, it hurts my neck very bad to sit like this.
I've made like a gazillion typos while writing this entry and had to come back and fix them all after publishing it.
I don't know what to do right now, I use my pc for work, I can't afford to get a new one right now, I won't be able to get a new one until tax time.
Wow, this sucks so fucking much.
I need my computer to work, without work, I won't have any money at all, I won't even be able to try to make money and try to save money to buy a new one.
I can only sit here at their pc for so long before it really starts to hurt me and I have to get off of it and go lay down, it's painful sitting here like this, no wonder Mark complains about his back hurting after sitting here for so long.
So anyway, if I don't reply to emails or you don't see much from me, this is why, my computer has gone to the big pc dead world.
November 9, 2009
Day off for now.
My computer is acting up, something called a "bad pool caller" error has happened, so I'm running in safe mode at the moment, using the teens pc until I can take this one apart.
Not feeling all that great either, so yeah, taking the day off for now, at least until I feel well enough to fix this pc.
Later days.
November 7, 2009
Starting to come around and other things.
Sorry that my posting has been a bit sporadic, often late at night and not every day, and I also want to apologize for not responding to every single comment like I usually do.
I haven't been able to do that for quite some time now and it really bothers me that I can't.
I really enjoy interacting with my readers, with all of you, and by responding to your comments, it also lets you know that I have read them and am reading your advice, ideas, suggestions, etc.
I appreciate every single comment, so not being able to reply to them all bothers me.
I am also running a bit behind on responding to your direct emails, I promise you that I will get to them, it just may take me awhile as I am answering the most important ones first, some are time sensitive, so yeah, it's taking me a bit to get to all of them.
I am dealing with, or at least trying to, deal with, life issues at home.
Mark is slowly starting to talk to me about how he's doing and feeling regarding the issues with his spine.
Just a week ago, he said that he couldn't talk to me about it.
In that email that he sent to me and his Aunt Jo, he said;
I cant even start to talk to you about how I feel. My mind is so upset I cant even get a grip on it.
Everything Ive wanted is now gone. Im scared. Im mad. I'm confuesed. Giving up seems to be the only thing that seems right to me.
I dont think me or you can handle this. Emotionally or physically we cant. Im sorry if I ever messed up. Or upsetted you.
We've also been talking about his career, well, trying to talk about it.
He keeps telling me that all he has ever wanted to be since he was just a very small kid, is a cop, so being told that he can't, knowing that he won't be able to pass the physical exam or do any of the physical training at the police academy due to pain and physical limitations, has him extremely upset.
I tried talking to him about other law enforcement careers, things that he could do that wouldn't require strenuous physical activity or a hard physical training course and exam, but he just doesn't want to hear it right now, it's NOT what he wanted, he wanted to be a cop, not a CSI, not a dispatcher, not an investigator or clerk, he wants to be a cop, period, so talking about anything else, no, he absolutely does NOT want to hear it.
I am going to back off talking to him about it for awhile, I am going to just give him some more time to think about things and try to deal with them on his own time, he needs more time to try and come to grips with all of this.
It's hard, he's 18, the last few years all he's done is think and plan out his police officer goals, what he needed to do to get there, college, criminal law classes at college, apply at the police academy, get references for it so it would look good on his application to have letters of reference saying what a good and upstanding young man he is, to get a police background check and attach his perfect and clean record to his application, all of the things that he would need to do to apply and be accepted, he had it all planned out and in a notebook, he was checking each step off as he went, and now in that notebook, there's a giant question mark with about a gazillion circles scribbled around it in pen.
This all just makes me so sad and angry.
Angry at the doctor, angry at Medicaid, just really angry and more determined to fight for him to get the surgeries that he needs so that he can do something in law enforcement, maybe even still be a cop, but that will only happen if he can get the surgery now, not in 15-20 years, but now, then heal up, get some exercise and physical training in at a gym, build up his strength and stamina and then apply like he wanted to, prove to them that he can physically do the job.
It's what he wants and I am going to try like mad to help him get it.
November 4, 2009
Start again in the morning.
Well the 24 to 48 hours came and went with no call back from the Medicaid specialist for Mark.
They had until 5pm today to call me back and they didn't, so at 9am tomorrow morning, I get to call them again and demand to be put on hold while I wait for the specialist, I will not wait for a call back again.
This is the same kind of crap that I dealt with for 4 and a half years, they stall, they tell you they will call you, they never do, it's just a big game of phone tag with them to try and get any answers.
Ugh.
I did get the call from the neurosurgeon's office though, and this is how that is going to work.
I have to go to the orthopedists office and get all of Mark's films, his xrays and his MRIs, on a disc, and then take them to the neurosurgeon's office and just drop them off.
The neurosurgeon and his team will review the films and if they do think that they can help Mark, they will then call me to set up an appointment to bring him in.
If they don't think that they can help him, they will call me to come back and get the disc and a referral to a different surgeon who they think may be able to help him, but I will also have to get that referral cleared not only by the orthopedist, but by Mark's primary care doctor as well.
Sounds like fun doesn't it?
In order to get our own consultation at a specialist at All Children's Hospital, I have to get Mark's orthopedist to fax the written test results to the specialist's nurse, and she will have the specialist look at them.
But in order to actually see the specialist, I have to convince the primary care doctor to request a consult with this specialist, from Medicaid.
The specialist is out of network, so we would be requesting a consult with a doctor that they do not participate with, and I can guarantee you that Medicaid will deny the request for the consult because this is what happened to me time after time after time.
We also cannot just go see the specialist on our own and pay cash out of pocket for a consultation, a second opinion, because the specialist could get in trouble for seeing a Medicaid patient without their written prior approval for the consult, even if they deny a request for the consult from the primary care doctor, they will not let us pay cash out of our own pockets to see the specialist.
That's just insane to me.
I was talking on the phone to Mindy this afternoon, and she asked me what I thought would/may happen if the health care bill passes for the public option, wouldn't it be just like Medicaid?
I said that I can't be sure, but if it's run like how Medicaid is run, then the public option would be of total non-use to the people who really need it.
Medicaid denies almost every single referral request, they deny consultations, they punish doctors for seeing Medicaid patients who want to pay for consults or appointments with their own money because the doctor and patient didn't get their written approval for a consult even if the patient is going to pay cash for the consult, and they deny surgeries that will greatly improve someone's quality of life and allow them to work, lead full and productive lives, because the surgery would cost more than doing the absolute least expensive option which is usually the absolute last thing that a surgeon can do to keep the patient alive.
They would rather pay for a leg amputation and a wheelchair, than to pay for the surgery that would allow the patient to go back to full time work in 6 months to 1 year.
Medicaid would choose the amputation/wheelchair option even though in the long run, it would cost far more, and it would mean that the patient would be on some type of assistance and government run insurance plan, either Medicaid or Medicare, for the rest of their lives.
If the public option is like Medicare, then people would be taken care of.
Medicare has never denied a single medical procedure, medication, surgery, or referral to any of the gazillion doctors that I have had to see in the 3 and a half, almost 4 years, since becoming approved for Medicare.
Medicaid forces patients to see doctors in their network even if that doctor is completely unqualified or incapable of providing the right kind of care for the patient.
Medicare allows the patient to see whichever doctor or specialist that can provide the right kind of care for the patient so that the patient can get back to a somewhat normal life as quickly as possible.
I have been on both over these last 10 and a half years, and Medicare is far superior to Medicaid, and both are government run medical insurance plans.
What makes them so drastically different?
Medicaid is for poor people, people below a certain income level, and living in poverty.
Medicare is for the elderly and the disabled, people who have worked and paid into the system.
It is clearly obvious to me which one considers the lives of their patients more valuable.
I'm just so angry right now.
I'm angry that I am going to have to fight tooth and nail to try and get Mark treated by the most capable surgeons so that he doesn't end up like me, disabled and in a constant state of pain for the rest of his life.
If they had just allowed me to be treated by the surgeon who could do it back when those first 5 doctors said that I needed to have the surgery immediately, and that this 1 particular surgeon could do it, maybe I wouldn't have ended up like this.
But no.
They made me go see 19 different surgeons, all of whom admitted that they were not capable or qualified to help me.
They wasted 4 and a half years of my life, 4 and a half years of precious time, 4 and a half years while my spine was falling apart at a rapid pace.
They waited and stalled, denied the treatments and surgery that would have prevented my current state.
I knew when my Cobra ran out that I was doomed, I knew it, and I was right.
I do not want that for Mark, he does not deserve to have to wait for years and years to get the surgery that would allow him to work, to live a full and productive life.
They are going to send him through hoop after hoop and expect him to jump through all of them, and fight and claw, and hopefully not end up so discouraged and depressed that he just wants to give up.
He's already feeling like giving up now, he knows what I went through, he knows this isn't going to be easy at all, he knows that he's going to be denied time and again.
The neurosurgeon that we have to take Mark's films on disc to?
He is one of the 19 surgeons that I saw.
He looked at my films, looked at me, and said that he was not qualified or capable of helping me.
Unless the man has become absolutely brilliant in just the last 5 years, he will probably take a look at Mark's films and say the exact same thing.
November 3, 2009
It will kill me one of these days.
Stress that is.
Oh to be a cat and be able to sleep wherever and whenever I wanted.
That would truly be the awesome.
Shahiro has taken over my Publix shopping bags and claimed them as her bed.
They do look rather comfy don't they?
I have been so stressed out over these last few days, I'm feeling so overwhelmed with the situation with Mark and his health care.
It is on my mind constantly while waiting for a call back from a Medicaid specialist who is apparently the only one who can answer all of the questions that I have regarding his coverage.
How long will he be covered for?
Is it to age 18 or is it 21?
Or is it for longer due to my being disabled?
Will his surgeries be covered or will I have to fight like I did for myself for 4 and a half years?
Can I take him to see the specialist at All Children's Hospital and have it be covered, or will I need to pay for that consultation out of pocket?
Oh to be a cat and find that one little strip of sun coming through the window, and fit whatever part of my body will fit into that warm sunny patch.
I love how Nova the fat no-tail kitty finds that one little strip of sun, and puts her nose into it and falls into a deep sleep.
I wish I could sleep like that.
I have barely slept at all these last days, probably no more than 6 hours in total since Thursday night.
That was the last time that I got more than 5 hours of sleep.
It's been a game of hurry up and wait.
Mark's doctor said that he needs to go see the neurosurgeon immediately, but we have to wait for Medicaid to approve the referral.
Mark's doctor said that he needs to start physical therapy immediately to strengthen his core muscles, but we have to wait for Medicaid to approve the referral for that too.
These are all things that the Medicaid specialist can answer for me, but I have to wait for them to call me back.
I called them first thing Monday morning, bright and early one minute after the office opened for the day, 9:01am.
The call intake worker took all of our information, said that they were passing it on to the specialist people, and that someone would call me back within 24 to 48 hours.
If I don't hear from someone by the close of office hours tomorrow, I will have to call them back first thing on Thursday morning, and play the waiting game again.
It's very frustrating and stressful.
Hurry up and wait.
Hurry, he needs to see the neurosurgeon.
Hurry up and wait.
Hurry, he needs to start physical therapy immediately.
Hurry up and wait.
Oh to be one of these lovely cats and just fall fast asleep and be at rest for hours.
I love how they can just lay anywhere, lay any way that their bodies want to, and be totally comfortable and able to sleep.
Every time that I lay down to try and sleep, I cannot get comfortable.
My body aches everywhere and I know that the stress is a huge factor in that.
When I'm in better moods, my body isn't so painful when it comes time to sleep, I'm able to just relax and sleep when I'm happy, at peace.
But stress makes my muscles tighten up and spasm all night long, sleep is nearly impossible.
I toss and turn all night long, I hear every single noise going on in the house.
The creaking of the teens beds as they roll over, the cats eating their food or getting a drink, the cats playing or fighting, or knocking things over as they play or fight, Sebastian's occasional snores, Mark clearing his throat, both of the teens mumbling in their sleep about WoW or Nazi zombies they have to fight in their video games.
All of the noises and sounds of the house and it's occupants all night long as I struggle to get even just one hour of sleep.
Oh to be one of my lovely cats who are all sleeping again right now in all of their favorite places.
Nova asleep and drooling on my sandals, Kali under the coffee table, Shahiro on the back of the couch, and Carmine in his box by laundry basket.
I can only hope to be able to sleep even half as well as they can.
I'd love to be able to sleep as well as they do even for just one night.
That would be awesome.
November 1, 2009
Taking it one day at a time.
I apologize for the lack of updates again, we're all just trying to wrap our heads around the medical news for Mark, and trying to plan our next step, our course of action.
I have a lot of phone calls to make tomorrow, thank goodness for the free long distance included with the Fios, I have a feeling that I'll be making calls all over the state tomorrow and over the next few days and weeks.
I also have a feeling that I will definitely be buying Sebastian a netbook like I posted about a few weeks ago, because not only will he be needing it for school, but I think Mark will also be needing plenty of his own computer time to take some online classes like I've also posted about.
Buy.com has another one on sale this week, it's an ASUS Eee PC Seashell Netbook, for $389.95 with free shipping, but if you buy that one, Buy.com will send you a free $25 Prepaid Visa Card just for buying it.
It's a really nice looking netbook, it has tons of features, it's only 1-inch thick and only weighs 2.4 pounds, that's super small and lightweight!
It has 170gb of Hybrid storage, not really sure what "hybrid storage" means, but 170gb is a lot of storage room!
It has wireless connectivity with built-in 802.11n (draft 2.4GHz n) and Bluetooth V2.1, and 6 hours of unplugged use time, that's pretty decent too.
It also has a 10.1 inch back-lit LED display, for 1024x600 resolution which is perfect for viewing most things, and it also has 2 USB ports for hooking up to the things he would need in his digital design class, and a built in webcam in case he ever needed to use that in one of his classes.
I know he mentioned something about video chats with the rep from the tech school, like they chat with the rep once a week either in person or by cam on the teachers laptop.
It really has a lot of other features too, I'll have to show him this one and see what he thinks of it or if he likes the other one better.
Personally I like this one better, it has far more features to it including 10gb of free online storage for the first 18 months, a 1-year warranty, and a "flawless display" warranty for the first 30 days so if the buyer notices even just 1 itty bitty pixel damaged, ASUS will replace the entire panel at no cost to the buyer.
So yeah, I really think this will be the one that I would like to get him unless he insists on the other one.
We all need to have our own computers for all of the things that we all do and are going to need to do.
I work on mine, this is how I make money to pay rent, bills, doctors, and prescriptions for not just myself anymore, but for Mark now too.
His last appointment cost me $120 because Medicaid refused to cover it, they said that the ortho did not get pre-approval for the appointment to give us the results of his MRI.
Sebastian needs a netbook for his digital design classes, and having the netbook for him will allow Mark to use the desktop to take online classes because we may need to enroll him in some type of college courses if we want to continue him receiving Medicaid.
Because he's 18 now and no longer a student, his Medicaid is set to expire soon, it expires within 6 months of the 18th birthday or within 6 months of being out of school.
He's been out of school since May, and turned 18 on August 15th.
I have to call Medicaid tomorrow about all of this plus ask them about his referral to the neurosurgeon, to physical therapy, and also ask them if he can go see a spine specialist at All Children's hospital in St. Pete.
There's a spine specialist there who my sister knows about, the boy she takes care of sees him and will be having his scoliosis surgery very soon, I can't remember if she said in 6 weeks or in 6 months, we talked about so many medical things, but that specialist is taking new patients and sees young people up to the age of 21.
My sister is going to call that specialist tomorrow and ask him if he can see Mark for a consult appointment, get his opinion, and she said that she'll help me pay for the consult appointment if Medicaid won't.
There's so many things that they won't pay for, and I remember my own hell trying to get surgery after I had to quit working and my insurance from work and Cobra ran out and I had to go on Medicaid before I got approved for SSDI and Medicare.
It was a long battle with Medicaid, they didn't want to pay for anything at all, their answer to my spine problem was if the doctors were sure that not having spine fusion was going to cause me to become paralyzed and lose my left leg all of the way to the pelvis, Medicaid would pay for the leg removal and a wheelchair, but they did not want to pay for spine fusion surgery.
I fought with them for 4 years to get the surgery and had to take my case all of the way to the governor in order to force Medicaid to approve the surgery.
I am totally prepared to fight like that again if they start refusing care for Mark, if they don't want to pay for any of his treatments and/or surgeries too.
I will fight like crazy to get him the best help that I can.
October 30, 2009
Bad day to knock on my door.
Around 11am this morning, there was a very loud knock on my door, I thought it might have been the mailman, I was expecting a package today, (got it Mom, thanks!) but it wasn't the mailman, it was 2 women selling god.
When I peeked out the door window, I saw the 2 women standing there and one of them was holding a big wooden box.
I wasn't sure they were god sellers at first, the big wooden box threw me for a loop, I thought they may have been selling some of those entertainment coupon books, or some of those pizza discount coupons, or maybe they were going door to door selling Rocky Patel cigars or magazine subscriptions, the wooden box really threw me off.
As soon as I opened the door and asked "May I help you?", I knew what they were selling.
One of the women had started to take out a Watchtower magazine, and because now is so the wrong time to be trying this crap with me, I snapped.
"Are you banging on my door trying to sell god?!" I shouted.
One of the women started to say "Ma'am, being the day before Halloween..." but I cut her off before she could even finish that sentence, "Get the hell off of my property right now!"
The same woman who had started to tell me that being the day before Halloween they felt the need to remind people about god, tried to protest, but I just kept shouting for them to get off of my property right freaking now or I would call the police.
They tried to go to the door on the other half of my duplex, but that unit is still empty, so I yelled at them again, "That apartment is vacant, no one lives there, so get the hell off of my property right now! Do NOT make me come outside, Do NOT make me call the cops, get your feet moving very quickly and get the hell off of my property right now!"
The 2 women were looking at me in complete disbelief, like how dare I yell at them to get off my property, how dare I threaten them with the police or make me go outside after them.
They were walking rather slowly towards the sidewalk, so I opened the door and yelled even louder, and had grabbed the 2x4 that I keep behind the front door.
Once they saw that, they started running out of the driveway as fast as they could.
I just wasn't in the mood to even try talking to them about their god, I didn't want to hear it, I didn't want to even be dealing with it.
I don't give a crap about tomorrow being Halloween, the one day of the year that the dead supposedly walk the earth, none of it, I just didn't want to hear what they were trying to sell me and all of the other people on my street.
They turned into the driveway to my left and my neighbor was outside with his dog, he had heard me yelling at them, so before they even got a few feet into his driveway, he yelled at them to get off of his property too.
I don't know what it is that makes these people think they have the right to go door to door all of the time, what makes them think they have the right to do this?
Would they like it if I came to their home and started telling them about atheism?
I bet they wouldn't, I bet they would do exactly as my neighbor and I did, and yell at us to get off of their property.
I'm just so over this kind of stuff, and I seriously pity the next person who comes to my door with this crap, and I bet someone will come back tomorrow morning.
They are always at it on Saturday mornings, and with tomorrow actually being Halloween, I bet there will be another team of them going door to door trying to warn people of the evils of Halloween.
October 30, 2009
Not sure what to do right now.
I'm sorry that I haven't blogged since Tuesday, all I have done since we came home from Mark's doctor appointment is Twitter.
I just Twittered a bit ago about how Mark is doing, it's not good at all.
We went in and got the results of Mark's MRIs, and it's really not good at all.
We know that Mark has Spondylolysis in his lower spine, but we now know what else is wrong with his spine.
Pretty much everything that is wrong with me and my spine, he has wrong with his spine.
He has nerve impingement, stenosis, disc damage, degenerated discs, and worst of all, (it's all bad but this really sucks) he has the same thing wrong with his neck that caused me to have that emergency surgery back in September 2008.
His vertebrae in his neck are closing in on his spinal cord just like mine were.
It's not as bad as mine was, we caught it very early, but it is there.
The vertebrae from his C1 through C6, are closing in on his spinal cord and he will eventually have to have surgery.
The doctor said that he does not want to do either the lumbar surgery or the cervical surgery, 2 spine fusion surgeries, on Mark right now, he said that he thinks Mark is too young, but I know from experience that waiting till you're older is a very bad decision, it has caused me so many problems, I am still not healed from my first spine fusion in February 2006, so no, I do not want to make Mark wait until he's older.
I am hoping that when we see the neurologist, we have a referral but no date yet, that he will decide to do the surgeries now or very soon, not in 15-20 years like his doctor said.
Waiting 15-20 years will just cause the problems with his spine to get much much worse, he will be in pain for all of those years, and I really don't want him to be in any more pain than he already is for any longer than is necessary.
Not only that, but I don't know if Mark can hang on that long mentally.
He sent me an email at 2:30 in the morning, when I was asleep, telling me that he just wants to give up, that because the doctor told him that he can no longer pursue his dream job of being a police officer because any physical activity more strenuous than taking walks, will cause his spine to deteriorate even faster, so no, he can't be a cop.
The doc said it, "Mark, I am sorry, but being a police officer is out of the question".
Hearing those words crushed him, it has literally crushed him.
He sent me an email and my sister an email, he sent me what he sent to her, and I am going to share some of his words with you.
I know that he was very upset when he wrote it because he normally is an excellent writer, he spells very well, so he must have been sitting there crying as he wrote this which just kills me, to know he was awake and upset, crying, having all of these bad thoughts going through his head.
Well, its worse then I thought then we all thought.
I have mothers neck problem, the one that will eventually kill me unless I get surgery.
Along with that alot of diteration all through my back. My lower spine has stoniosis along with spineodilosis.
The doctor said I cannot do anything that will put pressure on my back. No physical activatitys for the rest of my life.
Or else my back could indeed end up like moms or worse. Thought you should know. I am deeply upsetted by this,
and really am starting to give up on alot of things. Becoming a police officer is now out of the question. I am going to try
and take it one day at a time. Because if I start to think about whats wrong with me it becomes over welming.
I don't blame anyone. I wish that i did not have what I have but I do.
I could use help my mind is now often going to dark thoughts that are scaring me. I need my family more than ever.
Is what I emailed to Aunt jo. I cant even start to talk to you about how I feel. My mind is so upset I cant even get a grip on it.
Everything Ive wanted is now gone. Im scared. Im mad. I'm confuesed. Giving up seems to be the only thing that seems right to me.
I dont think me or you can handle this. Emotionally or physically we cant. Im sorry if I ever messed up. Or upsetted you.
If karma is real I have done something horrible to deserve this. FUCK sitting here and the only thing I want is not to be here. Wishing that I didnt have it.
And this is some fucked up dream. All i want now is just to be loved. And have sebastian stop being a little asshole to me.
Love you.
I just feel so bad, I want to help him but I am not really sure how to help him right now, he's sad, depressed, feeling like just giving up on his life and he's only 18.
This is so not fair, it's just not fair.
October 27, 2009
Food poisoning is the suck.
Both Mark and I have food poisoning.
We just got back from a walk-in clinic because neither of our doctors could squeeze us in, and because the ER was turning away people who were not "critical", telling them to go to walk-in clinics for all non-serious issues.
When I explained our symptoms, they said it was non-critical, and to go to a walk-in clinic.
So we did.
A few days ago, I think it was Friday, Mark and I had some frozen chicken things for lunch, maybe I didn't cook them thoroughly or something, but within a few hours of eating them, we both started having some pretty major stomach upset.
I thought it would go away, we both were eating Tums and drinking Pepto to try and feel better, but it just wasn't working.
So the doctor at the walk-in clinic gave us both some anti-vomiting and diarrhea medicine, told us to try and stay hydrated, to drink clear fluids, water, gatorade once we could handle that, ginger ale if we could handle that, so while waiting for the medicine at the pharmacy, I grabbed some ginger ale and some gatorade.
We came home, took the meds, drank a little bit, and now Mark is taking a nap, trying to get some sleep because the both of us had been up all night taking turns in the bathroom.
I thought that it may be the flu at first, or a virus, but the doc asked us if we had eaten anything right before we started having the symptoms.
I told him what we ate, and that they didn't taste like they normally do, it was those Barber chicken things, the broccoli and cheese ones, and I thought I cooked them long enough, they looked done, but I guess they weren't.
It will be nice to get some sleep tonight without having to run to the bathroom every 10 minutes like we've been doing all weekend long, it's totally been the suck.
I really hope that Mark is feeling a least a little bit better by tomorrow morning, he has his follow-up with the back doctor at 9:30am if our ride doesn't cancel on us like what has happened to us 3 times now.
I've had to cancel 3 appointments because people said they'd give us a ride, and then on the day of, they either no-showed or called to tell me that they couldn't.
It really sucks having to rely on other people for rides to the doctors.
October 24, 2009
He needs his own.
Today, I taught Mark how to shave his face for the first time in his life.
He finally had enough facial hair to shave off, and he wanted it gone so he asked me to teach him, not do it for him, but teach him how.
I didn't have any men's razors in the house, so he had to use one of my Venus razors, but he learned how and got the job done.
Now I'm needing to get him his own razor, so I'm wondering what kind is the best kind to get, standard blade razors, or an electronic one.
I was hoping to see if Buy.com had one on sale, they usually have a wide variety of items on their weekly sales, but no men's razors this week.
With a blade razor, you always have to replace it, buy new ones when the blades go dull, which over the course of a year, can add up to be well over $100.
So if you buy an electronic one, make the initial investment, it definitely pays for itself over the course of several years because you're not always having to replace it.
I found a Norelco Cool Skin Moisturizing Shaving System Rechargeable Cordless Razor, a Norelco Arcitec Rechargeable Cordless razor, and a different Norelco Moisturizing Shaving System Rechargeable Cordless razor for a lot less than the other 2 razors.
The first 2 razors were well over $100, but the last one was just $85.48 including the shipping charge, so price wise, that's the better deal, but I still don't know which is better to get, a bladed razor or an electric one.
So my dear male readers, which do you prefer, disposable blade razors, or the electric razors?
Which works best and is the best to have for a young man just beginning to shave?
October 23, 2009
Online may be the way to go for now.
It's looking more and more like the best thing that Mark could do for him and his future, would be to get an online degree in some of the courses that he's interested in.
I know that there are some colleges, I even think a few of the local state colleges, offer courses in criminal justice and law like he wants to get into, and then he could take a few other courses to get a degree in something else too, something to fall back on in case he ends up not being able to do what he wants to do.
Maybe go for an online business degree plus the criminal justice, and then he'd have some extra skills and education even if he can do law enforcement if things turn out well for him medically.
Today was just a rough day for him on this subject.
He got 3 college fliers in the mail today, and as soon as he saw them, he looked upset.
He asked me to just stop giving these to him when they come in the mail, to just put them in the trash, it's upsetting him to see them when his life and future career is currently in limbo due to his spine problems.
I hate seeing him upset like this, I hate seeing him look and feel discouraged, and I keep trying to tell him that this whole thing isn't written in stone, that he's young, that maybe his spine issues aren't as grim as it looks right now, that we can get a second opinion, we can take him to my surgeon and see what he says, that maybe this can all be fixed pretty easily.
But for now, he can take some courses at a fully accredited online college, do it from home, from the comfort of our own home on his own time, take breaks when he needs to lay down and rest his back, but still be able to get an education that will help him in whatever career he ends up in in the future so that he can support himself and have a good life.
After we talk, he seems a bit more upbeat and seems to be encouraged, but I honestly think that he just smiles and says all of that to make me feel better.
I really think that he's completely bummed out about the whole thing, so he just tells me that he will consider online education and degrees in other career paths to comfort me.
I think he's really feeling like his spine issues are going to prevent him from living his dream job and the thought of not being able to do it, the thought of having to use a fall-back degree for a different career, is just killing him inside.
I wish I knew what to do or say to make him really feel better, but I know that he's watched what has happened to me and just has no hope at all for himself.
October 21, 2009
A scary start to our day.
We had a scary start to our day when I went to wake up Sebastian for school at 6am.
I placed my hand on his arm just like I do every morning, and say his name.
I always say "Good morning Sebastian, it's 6am, time to wake up for school."
Except when I did that this morning, he started crying and screaming, covered his face with his hands, and just cried and sobbed, screaming that we (Mark and I) were dead, that the cats were all dead too.
As he kept crying, I kept trying to get him to calm down and really wake up, to open his eyes.
I told him today's date, Wednesday October 21st, his name, Sebastian, my name, Mom, what time it was, 6am, where Mark was, in the bathroom, that it was ok, he had a bad dream, a nightmare, nothing happened, we were both ok, the kitties were all ok.
When he 'woke up', he was laying down still, but sprang up from his waist and grabbed onto me pulling me down toward him by my waist, he clutched me so tightly, he was still crying, tears streaming down his face now like pouring water, his light gray t-shirt now patches of dark gray and wet from the tears.
He kept telling me that it was so real, so vivid, that there was so much blood, and "Mom! It's not today! It's not today! It happens tomorrow! October 22nd! The calendar, I know the date, I was at school, it's tomorrow mommy!" and he burst into wailing sobs again.
I finally got him calmed down after about 10 minutes, he was still clutching me, I was bent over at the waist being held onto so tightly by my visibly terrified son, but he finally let me go and when I stood up, I pulled the muscle in the right side of my lower back.
I grimaced in pain but wanted him to tell me what was going on, but I kept repeating that it was just a very bad dream, that everything was all ok, and he kept saying that it wasn't.
I had him come out to the living room and sit on the couch where he grabbed my hand wicked tight, tears still streaming down his face, and he made me promise, swear to him, that when he left for school today and tomorrow, that I locked the door up tight, put all of the locks on it, slide the 2x4 under the doorknob, make sure the back door was locked and that the alarm batteries were still good.
He told me to put the laundry basket, both of the bicycles, and the wagon with the action figures and the toy truck accessories in it, put all of that stuff in front of the back door, to make sure that all of the cats were ok and in the house, to not let Carmine out until he comes home from school, because "Mom, it happens tomorrow!!
I was starting to get very worried and upset myself, he was just crying and crying, talking about locking the house up, protecting the cats, that something really bad was going to happen tomorrow, and it was all based on a nightmare that he had.
When I finally got him to tell me exactly what he was talking about, I was really upset, not scared, but upset that he had had such a horrible, vivid, and extremely detailed nightmare, and that I had to send him to school because it's FCAT testing for some of the students this week, and he's one of them, plus he missed 3 days the week before last because he was sick.
I placed what he told me behind the cut because it is detailed and graphic, so do not read if you get upset about murders of both people and pets.
Mom and Dad, you should NOT read this. Sebastian is ok, he left for school and he was ok, calm, and he fully understands that it was all just a very bad dream, that none of it was real at all.
I promise, he really was ok by the time he left, if he hadn't had FCAT testing today, I would have kept him home because of this, because he cried the whole time he was telling me about the nightmare.
He remembered every single nasty detail, and he just kept crying and crying, his face was all red and he soaked his t-shirt with his tears.
I got him to completely calm down before he took his shower, helped him get a towel and his clothes ready, I also got his backpack and sneakers ready so when he got out of the shower, he could just get dressed and be ready to go.
I made him eat some breakfast and have a big cup of cool water to drink slowly, and I kept reassuring him that it was all ok, that it was all just a dream, that nothing at all was going to happen to Mark and I, or the kitties, either today or tomorrow.
He still made me swear to lock up the house completely today and tomorrow, he said he knew it was all just a dream, but it would make him feel better if I locked up the house.
I agreed to lock it up tight, hugged and kissed him again, he assured me that he was ok now, that he was going to be ok, and I kept assuring him that he was ok too.
Below the cut is a very detailed re-telling of his dream, what I heard him say through his tears, I may have even heard some parts of it wrong because of how heavy he was sobbing, but I think this is what all he said.
Please don't read if you could get upset, it upsets me because of how vivid and real it was for him, because he was just so scared, and hearing him tell it to me, I would have been scared if I had a nightmare like this too.
Continue Reading �
October 20, 2009
Shopping, stress, and crap.
When I go shopping later this afternoon to pick up the stuff that we forgot to get on Saturday when we went, I need to pick up some more acne products, because when I went to use some this morning to try and kill the stress zit I found on my forehead, I found nothing but empty containers.
I rarely ever get pimples, never really had that problem even as a teen, but I do get like 1 or 2 pimples when I get stressed out.
Most of last week was very stressful for me, no sleep, issue after issue, some total bs to try and deal with, and I'm not even sure that's really over yet, so yeah, 1 nice big zit on my forehead and nothing to kill it with.
The teens have a habit of using the stuff, leaving the empty containers, and not tell me that they are empty.
I don't know why they do that, I mean, just tell me that they need more, and I'll get more when I go shopping, easy.
October 19, 2009
Sunny-side up!
Carmine is our indoor/outdoor stray that we adopted last Christmas kitty, and a cat that we absolutely love to have as a part of our family.
We consider all of our kitties to be members of the family, they are all wonderfully unique, but I am really just so beyond glad that Carmine is the only one that is allowed to go in and out, and boy, he was loving to be outdoors all day on Sunday.
It was just absolutely perfect out all day Sunday.
The sun was shining as bright as always, but there was no heat, no humidity, as a matter of fact, it was a wee bit chilly out there in the early morning hours, and again as it turned to night.
I think the "hottest" it reached yesterday was about 72 degrees, and the lowest it got was around 50 degrees.
I love it when the temps are like that and the sun is still shining brightly.
Carmine laid on the cool concrete ground of the carport for most of the day, letting whatever warmth from the sun that there was, shine down on him as he stretched out on his back and groomed himself for awhile.
After about 5 or so minutes of warmth and grooming, he heard a noise coming from the other half of the property, and he looked up and in that direction to try and spy whatever it was that was making the noise.
He got up and slowly walked over to the other side.
He practically tip-toed off the carport concrete and into the grass.
He stretched himself long and low as he moved further into the grass.
Staring intently straight forward to whatever it was that he had heard and was now tracking like a great hunter.
In a move that happened so quickly I would have missed it had I blinked, he had sunk the claws of his right paw and his teeth into the prey he had quietly stalked.
He held it down with that same right paw while he ripped at the creature with his teeth.
He then picked up the animal with his teeth after making sure it was no longer moving or breathing, and he turned and carried it back to me with a slow but confident stroll.
He stopped no more than 2 feet away from where I stood watching it all, and he dropped it at my bare feet.
He looked up at me squinting his eyes from the bright sun, and he let out a loud mew of satisfaction.
I aimed my camera down and pressed the shutter at the same moment that I realized what he had dropped.
He was quite pleased with himself, purring loudly, he started rubbing his head and body all over my legs, dropping down with a quickness to rub his head on my bare feet.
I have no need to even try any of the best diet pills for quite some time after this freshly delivered meal.
Because it is morning and some of you may be eating your breakfast like I had been planning to do when this happened, I'll place the very fresh gift that I was given behind the cut.
You've been warned, don't blame me if you lose your morning coffee and eggs.
Continue Reading �
October 16, 2009
North Port, here I come.
In about an hour, I am heading all the way down to the city of North Port because one single pharmacy in this state has my medication in stock.
The generic version of the pain medication that is no longer being made because of the Purdue lawsuit I blogged about yesterday.
So at some point later today, my pain will be somewhat under control, I won't have to stay curled up in a ball like sitting in an egg chair anymore.
It really is amazing what removing just one medication from my usual medication regiment does to me.
The other 2 medicines just are not controlling the pain the way that all 3 of them combined do, it's really astounding me.
And it looks like rain, so that may be an indicator of why I am in so much pain without it, the rain bothers me anyway, but without that 3rd med, it's unreal how swollen my ankles and knees are, they look like I have balloons buried under the skin.
Two of my friends are giving me a ride to North Port.
I can't believe that they are the only pharmacy that has them, it's crazy.
I have called over 60 pharmacies since Tuesday, and finally found one this morning that has them.
October 15, 2009
Filing a formal complaint.
Yesterday was just not a good day here.
At 11:25am, one of Sebastian's teachers called me, not the house phone, but my cell phone.
The cell phone is the emergency contact number on the call list if they call the house number first and do not get an answer.
The school knows that I am usually at home 24 hours a day unless I have a doc appointment, so why she called that number I haven't a cue.
But it's what she said to me that was the problem.
She asked me where Sebastian was.
I told her he was at school, she told me that he wasn't, that he never showed up at Riverview High School at all, he was marked absent by all of his teachers for the 3 class periods that had already passed.
I told her that was impossible, he left here at 6:45am, he walks to school, he wouldn't ever skip school, that's not the kind of kid he is, he's got to be there I told her.
She kept repeating to me that he was not there, that he never arrived, her exact words to me were "Sebastian Cooper has not been on Riverview High school property at all today, he is not on property."
I started to panic, Mark was now listening to me very closely.
I asked her again where he was, how did the school misplace a student, I said that I knew they got 1,600 new students this year, but come on, how can they not know if he was there?
She repeated it again, he was not on school property at all.
I hung up on her and immediately called the school's main number and demanded them to find my son.
I explained to the poor secretary what the teacher had told me, and the secretary was baffled why such a call was made to me by a teacher.
She said that anytime the school thinks a student is missing, it is not the teacher's job to call a parent, but the administration's, she asked me what number was called, I told her my cell phone, she said that was also odd because she was looking at Sebastian's information, and it clearly stated to call the home number first.
I was really panicking now, the secretary had not confirmed if Sebastian was there, she was just talking about the teacher's actions, so I asked her if my son was there.
She said that he had indeed been marked absent by all of his class teachers that morning.
I demanded that they find him, to have security go look for him, that he had to be there, he left here at 6:45am, he just had to be there.
She told me that they would go look for him and call me back.
When Mark heard me say that, he quickly got dressed, he grabbed my other cell phone and his ID card, and said he was going to the high school to find his brother.
He tore off out of the house, he was going to either find his brother at school or on the side of the road if he had been hit.
The street he walks to school has also been under sidewalk construction, so all kinds of bad things had gone through my head, I was Twittering the events, I had to do something while I waited for the school to find my son or for Mark to find him, I was in a complete panic.
When she called me back, she said that security was still looking for him, that they were speaking to his teachers and asking them if they had seen him at all, and she wanted to ask me what clothes he was wearing, security needed a visual to search for.
I told her, khaki cargo shorts, a black t-shirt, white sneakers, he has blond shaggy hair, blue eyes, he's carrying a gray backpack.
She said that they would call me back again.
When she called me back, she told me that he was there, he was in his PSAT testing all morning like he was supposed to be doing, and that the teacher's had marked him absent incorrectly, but that they all knew that he was in testing, all of the teachers had been informed and knew about it for weeks.
She then told me that I needed to file a formal complaint against the teacher for causing me to panic, for telling me incorrect information and causing me to worry, that the teacher knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Sebastian was in PSAT testing all morning.
I told her that I wanted him to come home, that my oldest son was there, to release Sebastian to his custody and bring him home, I was too upset to just leave him there, if he was done with his testing, I wanted him home.
I had now been in a panic for about 40 minutes, my heart was racing, I was dizzy and lightheaded, nauseous, I wanted my child at home.
She said she understood completely, she's a mom to, that if a teacher had called her and said the same thing, she would also want her child at home immediately.
She reminded me to file the complaint, gave me the name and number of the person in charge at the school board to call and make the complaint to, she said she herself was upset about this, that it simply wasn't right for the teacher to make that call, not only wasn't it right, but it wasn't school protocol for a missing student.
She was going to release him to Mark who was now there, but an administrator, Dr. Moore, told her to hang up, that she wanted to speak to Sebastian, the teacher who called me, and Mark.
Dr. Moore called me a few minutes later, told me that the teacher had told her what she really said to me, that I was wrong.
She said the teacher told her that the teacher had asked me why Sebastian was absent 2 days last week, and wanted to know why.
I told Dr. Moore that was not true, that she never asked me or said anything about his absences last week, she told me point blank that he was nowhere on school property today, she did not say anything about last week, and if that's the story the teacher told Dr. Moore, she was lying because she now understood to severe gravity of what her phone call to me about him being missing, would mean to her job.
Dr. Moore told me that was not true, that I had simply misunderstood her, that the teacher did not know about PSAT testing, that none of the teachers did.
I told her that was complete bullshit, that letters were sent home to parents 2 weeks ago, that his teachers did know, the secretary had even confirmed that, all the teachers knew.
Dr. Moore said the secretary did not know what she was talking about, basically, Dr. Moore was calling the secretary a liar.
She yelled at me that I was stupid for wanting my child home.
She called me stupid.
WTF kind of administrator is this to call a parent stupid??
I was furious at this point and demanded to know her name.
She screamed into the phone "NO!" and hung up on me.
I called the cell phone that Mark had, I asked him who the administrator was who had called me, spoken to him and Sebastian, he asked Sebastian, and then told me, Dr. Moore.
I wrote the name down on the same piece of paper where I had written the name of the teacher and the school board contact name and number.
I called the secretary again to have my son released, she was very upset, she said she was yelled at for giving me any information.
I told her I was sorry about that, really sorry, but I wanted my son released to his brother immediately, and she said she had just let them leave.
I asked for her name, I told her that I would make sure that when I filed my formal complaint, that I would make sure the school board knew that she did everything she could to help me and that she was now in trouble for helping me find my son and releasing him.
She thanked me and gave me her name, she kept apologizing for what had happened, I told her that it was all ok, not her fault, that she was amazing, kept me calm, found my son, let him leave with his brother and got in trouble herself for helping me find my child.
During all of this mess, I was still waiting on my doctor to call me back with news on my medication and insurance battle, I was in pain, my heart was racing, I felt sick to my stomach over this whole ordeal.
I was on the phone with the school, my insurance company, and the doctor's office all morning, going back and forth with 3 places, my head was splitting.
I have a blood pressure monitor at home now because of my high blood pressure which I take meds for, and so after I calmed down a little bit, I took it.
Not good, not good at all.
It was 165 over 107, that is really super high if you don't know.
If I had gone to a doctor at that point, they would have immediately thought I was having a heart attack and strapped me down to a table and ran all kinds of tests like an EKG, and probably would have called for an ambulance.
I took another bp pill, and laid down on the couch and waited for my sons to come home.
When they came home, Sebastian told me that the teacher who had called me and started this whole mess, had actually told him on both Monday and Tuesday, to NOT go to any of his classes, to go to his PSAT testing, she was reminding him about the testing, so she did know where he was, she herself had reminded him about the testing, so why she called me and told me he was missing, he didn't know.
I called the school board and made the formal complaint verbally, and they are sending me forms to fill out for the written complaint.
Not only did I file against the idiot teacher, but I filed against Dr. Moore as well for her extremely inappropriate and unprofessional behavior for calling me stupid, refusing to give me her name, and hanging up on me.
Dr. Moore is the high school assistant principal.
October 13, 2009
What to do if things are bad?
I posted to my other blog today about Mark having his MRIs last week and getting the results of that test being a huge priority because depending on what exactly is wrong with his spine and how severe it is, it will determine how Mark proceeds with the rest of his life.
He has always wanted to be a cop, ever since he was little, but if his back is really bad, he may not be able to do that dream job of his, he may have to choose a different career path.
If his career path is completely changed by his spine, he will have to do something else, but I know that he will still want a job where he can be in charge, help people, work with people, we talked about that this afternoon, he still wants to work with people in some capacity.
He knows that he may have to totally change his career choice, and he's ok with that.
Well not totally ok, but he's slowly coming to terms with the fact that things may change for him once we get the results of his tests.
He may not be able to have such a physically demanding job, so he would have to take different classes in college, and maybe even take some online masters programs to change his path, from the comfort of our home while he gets treated for his spine issues.
He could get a masters in organizational leadership/management, and this would allow him to still work with people, he could work in development for a management position, or even do consulting work if he got a degree.
It would totally allow him to still work with people, be in charge and help people, being a project manager or doing management consultation, teaching people how to be good managers, how to show other people how to work with their employees, to get the most out of them and still keep everyone happy.
I'm sure that we've all had a job at some point in our lives where the manager or supervisor above us had absolutely zero people skills right?
I know that I have, I've had some that I thought to myself, how in the heck did this guy become a manager?
Did the regional supervisors just throw the store keys in the crowd of employees and whoever caught them, they became the manager?
As an organizational leader or manager, that person would teach other people how to be good managers, how to organize and get the most out of their work time and the people they are in charge of, to inspire people, to help build confidence and share the company's goals and focus.
All Mark has ever wanted to do is to be a police officer so he could help people, protect and serve the community, if he can't do that anymore, becoming a leader would still allow him to serve the people, to do something good in a company or community.
I am really hoping that his spine isn't so messed up that he has to let go of his dream of being a police officer, but if it is, I think becoming a leader, doing management consulting, would still allow him to do a part of his dream of helping people do their best, be their best.
People who do their best and are inspired to be their best, stay out of trouble, so in a way, he would be helping his community stay safe by keeping people happy and productive.
It's people who have lost hope, who are not happy and feel like they have to do a desperate act to survive, who commit crimes.
He would be helping people be their best and have a lot to live for.
I think that would be just as honorable of a job as an officer.
Totally different path and career, but it would still be helping the people in his community.
Make sense to you?
It makes total sense in my head and Mark's, he's the one who brought up this subject this afternoon, he wanted to talk about what else could he do to help people if he can't be a cop anymore.
October 11, 2009
Kindasorda back.
I am still battling the tail end of the flu or whatever it was that hit me last week and made me feel like crap.
I feel better now, not perfect, but at least now I can stand up without feeling nauseous and dizzy.
The past few days have just been hellish on me, the smell of what the teens were eating made me gag, finding lizard heads on the floor made me gag, cat gack on the floor made me gag, I think you get the picture, everything just made me feel like hell.
Mark has been over at his friend's house since yesterday, and he's staying there again tonight.
I really don't mind, it's nice and quiet, there's no one fighting over any video games on the pc or the Xbox 360.
As a matter of fact, the teens are chatting with each other on WoW.
It's been nice and quiet all night yesterday, and all day today, and it will be quiet all night again.
That's just what I needed, peace and quiet so that I could rest.
I need to pick up some more acne skin care stuff for the teens (both of their faces are broken out again because they ran out) when I go shopping on Thursday, or maybe after I'm done at the doc's office on Tuesday while I wait for the pharmacist to fill my prescriptions, I could just buy some there.
I have pretty much spent all of my time on the couch or my bed, but once I was good enough to sit up, I sat and watched the trailers for new movies that are coming out.
I watched the trailer for The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day.
Boondock Saints is one of my all time fave movies, and part 2 has the original cast which I'm happy about, it would suck if they changed actors in it.
It looks ok, I'd like to see it but no clue when or if I could go to the movies to see it, not sure how rough the chairs would be on me because I'd have to practically lay back in order to see the screen.
I am not a fan of remade films, there has been far too many of them the last few years, and now Hollywood has remade A Nightmare on Elm Street.
Sorry, but it's just not going to be the same without Robert Englund, he is Freddie in my opinion.
They are calling it "a contemporary re-imagining of the horror classic."
I dunno, I just don't know about this guy that is playing Freddie this time around.
Jackie Earle Harley is playing Freddie in this "re-imagining" of the story.
He played Rorschach in The Watchmen, he did a good job, but I just don't see him as Freddie, not even while watching the trailer, he just doesn't look like Freddie.
Maybe they got a sucky make-up artist.
*sigh*
I'll be back, off and on when I feel even better.
I think I'm gonna go read updated blogs now.
Later days.
October 7, 2009
Might be doing a talk show!
Our story is still being talked about, people want to hear more, know more, so many shows and magazines wanting to interview us, it's like wow.
We are in this weeks issue of In Touch Weekly magazine, it's dated October 12, 2009, we are on pages 74-75.
This is the cover if you want to flip through the magazine while in the checkout line. ha ha
I actually went up to 7eleven and bought the issue so I could have it as a memento.
I was told that we're going to be in this week's People magazine, it comes out on Friday, and when that issue of People comes out, I'll buy that one too.
My friend Christie is the one who told me about In Touch Weekly, she posted it to the forums we chat on, she said that it made her grandma who is in hospice care now, smile the biggest smile, that our story is touching people.
It must be, other shows want us to come on their shows.
The one that I think we've all agreed to do is the Tyra Banks show, we just have to work out 1 small scheduling conflict.
I've sent the Twitter contact for her show a message asking him to call me so we can work the schedule out.
Yes, the scheduling conflict is my fault.
They want to fly us out to NYC on Tuesday morning, do the show taping on Wednesday morning, and fly home Wednesday night, but I can't do that because I have my monthly pain doc appointment on Tuesday at 11am.
I cannot cancel or reschedule that appointment, it is set by the laws, you can only see your pain doc once per month, once every 30 days, so yeah, I cannot reschedule it, and I definitely cannot cancel it or I won't be able to even get on a plane, I'll be in too much pain to get out of bed even.
So yeah, I hope that the Tyra show can reschedule us, like I can fly out on Wednesday morning, but not Tuesday morning.
I am hoping that they will reschedule us, my brothers and sister want to do her show, so I don't want to be the one who messes it up and we can't do it, so keep your fingers crossed that they will reschedule us.
I am still in a state of shock over all of this, so much publicity, it's kind of nuts really, but I understand why people want more of our story.
Life is pretty depressing right now for everyone because of the economy, so people want happy stories, feel good, heart warming stories, and ours really is a pretty damn amazing story.
It's really incredible still how it all came together and I'm sooo glad that it did.
Joanne and I keep texting each other back and forth, talking to each other on the phone, and I've been in touch by email with Randy and Gary's families, so yeah, getting to see them again in NYC will be awesome if the schedule can be worked out.
Mark said he will go this time too, the first one was just so rushed, it all happened so fast, but with the Tyra show, we are getting enough notice that we can make plans to have someone come feed the cats and get the mail for us.
I am so hoping the schedule can be worked out, I really want to see Joanne, Randy, and Gary again.
I just want to get to know them, far too much time has passed in our lives, we need some time to really talk to each other and get to know one another, so if we can work out the schedule and if they put us all in the same hotel, we can spend the first night we all fly in, just hanging out and talking to each other and our families.
I will keep you posted if we can work this out, and also tell you what day the show would air too!!
October 7, 2009
Sickness and testing.
Mark is going in for his MRI tomorrow at 9:30am, his Big, George, is taking him to it.
I am sick and in pain, so I'm not going to go with him, he's 18, he can go by himself for the 3 hour long MRI, they don't let family sit in the room where the MRI is done.
There is just no way that I can sit there and wait for 3 hours on the uncomfortable waiting room chairs, I am in some pretty serious back pain, and I have been running a high fever for the last 2 days.
He is scheduled for 3 individual MRIs, and they told me that it will be about 2 hours 45 minutes, to 3 hours long for it to be done.
I was going to send him by taxi cab, I couldn't find us a ride there and back, so I was all prepared to take him by taxi cab, and cab it back home again when it's over, but Mark called George while I was trying to sleep late this afternoon.
Mark told me he called George around 4:30pm or so, told him that I was sick, that he was going to have to take a cab by himself because I'm sick, so he asked George if he could take him, and George said yes.
If I'm contagious, it would be a very bad thing to go there with him, they have signs posted that say "If you are sick or running a fever, please do not come in, we will reschedule your appointment."
If I'm feeling better in the morning and my fever is gone, I will go with him, but as of right now, it's not looking like I'll be able to go.
October 5, 2009
W00t! Cash back!
I LOVE my PayPal debit card!
One of the best things that I ever did was sign up to get the PayPal debit card.
I have been a PayPal user since practically the beginning of my using the internet.
I've had the PayPal debit card for a little over 2 years now I think, and it has been a true lifesaver for me several times.
There have been quite a few times that I've been at the doctor's office or the pharmacy, for example, and I expected my bill to be a certain amount but found out that it would be more than what I had expected and budgeted, so I called PayPal from my cell phone and was able to get my balance and discovered that I had been paid early from work, or had gotten a deposit/donation, and was able to pay my bill right on the spot without the embarrassment of not having enough to pay the bill.
My doctor's office will work with people who are a bit short, but the pharmacy won't, so being able to check my balance and pay the bill with my PayPal debit card is truly awesome.
It helped me just this past month when I had to get another new AC for the house.
That was another situation where I was able to check my balance from my cell phone while on the go, heard how much my balance was, and was able to go straight to Home Depot to buy another one.
I'm pretty sure that purchase right there is why I got this email from them just this morning. ha ha
Because I use the debit card, I get cash back for all of my purchases.
This may not seem like a lot of money to get excited about, but every single penny is counted and appreciated by me, this is free money in my opinion, so I totally love it when PayPal gives me cash back every month just for spending my own money!
Dear Kat,
Congratulations!
You've received a cash back reward of $8.19 USD after using your PayPal Debit Card.
Your cash back reward has been deposited in your PayPal account and is based on your monthly eligible transactions.
Thanks,
PayPal
October 5, 2009
Sickness, movies, and mice.
Sebastian and I spent the entire day feeling like crap even with some Nyquil to take.
We both spent the entire day sleeping off and on, and now that I took naps all day long, I can't sleep.
I've been up watching tv and surfing the net all night long.
I found a bunch of free online auctions to look at to pass the time.
It's amazing to me how much some stuff is worth, like old toys.
I wish I had hung on to more of my old dolls and toys, some of them would be worth a ton of money now like my Tuesday Taylor doll that I had.
I think she was like less than $10 back when she first came out, now she's selling for about $100.00
Damn.
I watched a bunch of horror movies, some I had seen like Children of the Corn
It wasn't too bad, but it's not something that I would watch again unless someone paid me.
Death Tunnel that is, not Children of the Corn, I love that movie.
"Outlander! Outlander! We have your woman! Outlander!"
Malachai was one of my fave characters in that movie, so perfectly cast in my opinion.
Carmine is our kitty that goes in and out of the house.
He was the stray kitten we found last December.
Yes, I said that we were only going to keep him for a little while, try to find his owners or give him away, but we fell in love with him, he's such a good kitty, so well behaved and loving, we couldn't part with him.
Anyway, he goes in and out all of the time to do his business outside, play around, whatever it is that he does out there, and then he always comes back.
When he came back in tonight, he brought us a gift.
A mouse.
A big fat field mouse.
He came running in the house with it in his teeth, and then dropped him at my feet, looked up at me, meowed loudly, and then rubbed all over my legs.
He brought me dinner I think.
We of course picked up the mouse with tissue and threw it away outside, but he brought it to us as a treat or a thank you, not really sure, but it was meant as a gift, so I rewarded him with lots of love, pets, cuddles, and kisses which he absolutely loved.
I also gave him a piece of cheese which he gobbled up quickly and then joined me on the couch.
It's now just a few minutes past 4am and I'm wide awake.
I still feel like crap, but I'm wide awake.
October 3, 2009
I said please too late I think.
I'm thinking that it IS the flu.
Sebastian has been sick and miserable all day long, and about an hour or so ago, I started to feel like crap.
Dammit.
October 2, 2009
It's the 8th Annual Blogger Boobiethon!
It's that time of year again folks!
It's time for the 8th Annual Blogger Boobiethon!
In the past 7 years, we (bloggers from everywhere!) have raised over $50,000 for breast cancer research.
You can learn all about this event and it's history here, but basically, bloggers from all over the world and internet, join together to raise money for breast cancer research by getting people to donate to the Susan G. Komen for the Cure charity which helps to fund research for a breast cancer cure.
We also raise money to help a fellow blogger in need, bloggers helping bloggers.
Please read that page to learn all about this part of the boobiethon, it's been something that we've done every year since the whole start of this, and is actually the entire reason that the boobiethon exists.
Last year I was the recipient of this part of the boobiethon after my spine fusion in September 2008, and I am still, and always will be, eternally grateful for all of the help, donations, encouragement, and support my fellow bloggers, readers, and supporters of the boobiethon, gave to me during that time and continue to give to me.
This year's recipient of the bloggers helping bloggers portion is Joan, aka, DaGoddess.
Donating to the boobiethon is really very, very easy.
Simply click the button up above or this link right here, and choose who you want to give money to, Komen or Joan, akaDaGoddess, and then follow the super simple instructions on that page so that the organizers of the boobiethon can add your donation to the total, and send you a confirmation email thanking you for your support.
This is now the 2nd year since the thon started that I have not been able to volunteer my time doing photo editing for health reasons.
Last year I had just had spine fusion surgery, and this year I am still dealing with some of the problems that are the result of that surgery, and my recent life-changing experience of discovering my bio-siblings and getting to meet them on the Today show in New York.
I feel terrible that I am unable to donate my time, it's something that I absolutely love doing every year, but because I can't volunteer my time, I am going to make sure that I post about the thon at least once every day until it ends, post updates about it on my Twitter stream, post on forums, and wherever else I can post about it to help spread the word and raise money for the cure.
Breast cancer effects all of us in some way at least once in our lives.
I know friends who have fought the battle with it, some won, some lost, I have had scares in my own family, and currently I have a friend whose Grandmother is losing the battle.
We need to find the cure.
Together we can help find that cure by raising money to fund research so that someday everyone who gets breast cancer can win the battle.
The 8th Annual Blogger Boobiethon began at midnight on October 1st and will run until midnight on October 7th.
In 2008, we raised $9,300.00.
So far on just this 2nd day of the boobiethon, (as of the time of this post) we have raised $2,705.00.
Let's beat last year's total!!
Donate, send in your picture, (mine will be sent in soon!) blog about it, tweet about it, put a button on your blog, do one thing from that list, (do several from that list!) and help us raise more money than we did last year!!
October 2, 2009
Please don't let it be the flu.
When Sebastian came home from school today, he looked absolutely wiped out, I asked him how his day was, and he fell back on the couch and said that he just felt absolutely horrible.
He said his whole body hurts, he has a headache, just feels terrible.
I am really hoping that it's not the flu or *gasp* the swine flu.
I didn't go get my flu shot yet at Walgreen's.
I can get a flu shot for way cheap because of my insurance, so I'm going to get to Walgreen's and get one as soon as I can.
But anyway, I really hope that Sebastian isn't coming down with either version of the flu, that would totally suck.
The last thing I need is a house full of sickies.
This whole experience, going to New York, meeting my siblings, has been just so overwhelming, (I keep saying that huh?) that I am still in a state of shock over it all, I've barely eaten anything in days, since like last week when it all happened, and I've actually lost some weight from the shock and stuff.
I don't need any diet pills right now, that's for sure.
I have like no appetite at all right now, not in a few days.
I'm still trying to get caught up, still trying to work through emails and everything, and I still need to clean the house.
I haven't done more than the laundry and some dishes, but the rest of the house seriously needs some help, it's like trashed and I just don't feel like doing it but know that I need to.
Right now I need to go and figure out dinner, I'll be back after I can get some stuff done.
Oh!
The Boobiethon has started, I'm actually a little bit late posting about it, but they have now raised $2301.55 just since it started at midnight on October 1st!
Please go and donate, send in your picture, or just do one thing to help raise money for breast cancer!
September 30, 2009
Slowly getting some back.
I'm almost back to full strength now, I just really needed a few days to rest, my body was just totally drained.
Everything happened so fast last week, it was just go go go, and my body cannot go go go without coming to a crashing halt sooner or later, and it hit me a couple of days ago.
Things are still happening, lots of phone calls and emails from places wanting to do follow-up stories with all of us, this apparently was such a feel-good story in this depressing economic time, that people are wanting more of it.
I have a ton of emails to reply to and quite a few messages on voice mail to reply to as well.
It's still all so overwhelming, I keep finding myself saying 'wow'.
But I am slowly getting it back, I have just been laying on the couch for the last few days just trying to let my back and body get rested so that I can get back up and do everything that I need to do.
I have a mountain of dishes and laundry to take care of, and eventually I'd like to clean the bathroom and vac the rugs, my house looks like a tornado hit it.
I also need to get in the bathroom and fix the shower faucets thingamajiggy because Mark keeps knocking the hand held shower head down and he's not putting it back right, so once you turn the water on, the shower head pops down and whacks you in the back or head.
It hurts when you get whacked with it, so I need to go in there and un-twist it and figure out what way it fits the holder correctly.
Anyway, I'm getting back to good so I'll be hopping on and off the net while I get some house stuff done.
Later days.
September 28, 2009
Drained.
I am completely drained and exhausted.
Everything that has happened has finally caught up to me.
I need to rest for a day or 2, or 3.
Be back when I can.
September 26, 2009
Tired and overwhelmed.
I am still trying to get caught up on sleep, emails, phone calls, everything, it's still so overwhelming.
There are so many links to this story out there on the internet, pretty soon it's going to need it's own web site directory to keep track of them all.
There's simply no way for me to respond to every single email or comment, so please don't be upset or offended if I do not reply to your comment, I just can't get to them all.
I am still getting emails and calls from other tv shows and magazines who want to do follow up interviews, it's really crazy.
The best part of this all though is the new extended family getting in touch with me.
I've gotten several emails from the adoptive families of my siblings, it's just too cool.
The teens are handling this really well, they are extremely happy for me to have found them, and they cannot wait to get to meet everyone too.
A major plus for me is that Joanne has some of our parents medical records and shared a quick printout with me while I was there in NYC, some of my medical issues are on that printout.
My high blood pressure and back problems, there were a bunch of other things on it too and once I am able to sit down and really go over it, I'll have a better handle on the medical history of our bio-mother and my own health issues.
For the first time in my life, I'll know more about my health history.
That's really incredible.
Some of my siblings do have back problems too, so it's not just me and Mark, it really is a genetic condition handed down from our parents.
That sucks but it's nice to know about it.
I've gotten several emails from my new extended family members, so I really need to try and reply to them all, so again, if I can't reply to your comment, I do hope that you understand, I just have way too many to reply to.
Thanks for the understanding, love and support from all of you!
September 24, 2009
Will post the rest soon, trying to wake and deal with it all.
I didn't even go to sleep until 8am today, woke up at 11:30am, sore, oh man so so sore, and dealing with emails, voicemails, Twitters, everything.
I really don't want to offend anyone, but I'm getting an overwhelming amount of emails from a lot of people who believe in the big dog up in the clouds, every single 1 of them is saying that this is proof of his existence, that they followed the story here, read, read my blog, and were extremely disappointed to learn that I am an atheist.
take care and think about what has happened in your life in the past couple of days and consider that god played a part in this
I really do appreciate all of the love, support, and comments, this has all been so amazing and overwhelming, and I'm still totally blown away by what has happened here, so much to tell you all, and I will, I just need to run an errand first and then I can get to explaining everything.
Run an errand ha!
Sebastian and I had like 5-6 hours to really explore Times Square and stuff, and my body is just now telling me that I am the suck, it hates me, and that I'm lucky my body hasn't let me drop dead yet.
I am in some serious pain today man, whoo!
My lower back, thighs, calves, and feet are on fi-yah!
We walked the entire length of Times Square at least 3 times, finding something we missed the previous 2 trips up and down each side of the street.
Walking to the bathroom and back to my chair is unbelievably painful. hahahaha
Ok, gonna go runcrawl that errand and then I'll be back to post some more.
Oh!
Aunt Sherri, Roe, Carolyn H., Pamela, Alicia, Mom, Dad, old and new family, (Pamela!!) old friends, I promise I will reply to each of your comments and emails, I just need some time to weed through the 1,200+ comments and emails in my inbox that started pouring in the second that I posted to my blog Tuesday morning, and have not stopped yet.
Magazines are calling and emailing wanting to do interviews, other tv shows calling or Twittering for the same, there's so so much going on and so time is definitely needed to rest, get a sort of grip on this whole thing, and be able to respond to everyone, but thank you all so much for getting in touch!
September 20, 2009
Technology and internet is a beautiful thing.
I love the internet and computers, I really do.
I think that it's been like the only thing that's kept me sane these last 10+ years.
I'm like trapped in my house, so being able to get on the internet and talk to people and be able to laugh and cry, to just be with people instead of the 4 walls, chat on forums, chat with friends on Twitter, to be able to work and make some money, and also be able to shop for just the right gift for someone for their birthday or Christmas, is really just so awesome.
I used to be able to spend hours shopping in a brick and mortar store for just the right gifts, but since all of the medical crap stopped me, being able to shop and look for that special thing, is just so awesome to me.
I think a lot of people take the internet for granted, we're all so used to having it, computers are practically in every single home, most people don't realize just how truly amazing it is.
You can make travel plans, buy plane tickets, order pizza and all kinds of other food, you can play games, watch videos, listen to music, get an education, find old friends and stay in touch with everyone through email for free which is way cheaper than calling by landline or cell, heck, most people don't even have landline phones anymore.
Anyway, I do like 95% of all of my shopping online, the only stuff that I can't buy online is my groceries, and that's only because it's not available in my area yet.
Starting next month, I will begin my holiday shopping, finding the things that the teens would like for Christmas and doing a lot of comparison shopping to find the stuff on sale to make sure that I get the absolute best prices out of all of the online retailers.
For a long time now though, I've been finding the best prices at Buy.com, they are consistently lower priced on every single item I've needed, even if it's just $5bucks lower, it's still a lot cheaper because almost every single item has free shipping too.
I take shipping prices into the calculation when doing all of the comparison shopping, and they really are lower in the long run.
I've noticed that some e-tailers are selling their products at super low prices, but then they get you on the shipping and handling charges, charging what the product would normally cost + a few bucks extra, so in the long run, you're paying exactly what you would have paid for the product + shipping costs anyway.
That's not much of a sale.
I'm not really sure what they want this year, maybe some more video games for their Xbox360, maybe that Batman: Arkham Asylum, that game loos A-maz-Zing! They also have a ton of other great Xbox360 games for some really great prices, and I know that there's been a price drop on the system and most games too, so I'll probably get them games and then some clothes, or whatever they tell me that they'd like to have.
I gotta start asking them what they want to have.
They aren't little kids anymore, I don't have to be sneaky and ask them to write a letter to Santa. ha ha haha
September 19, 2009
Ahoy me mateys!
Arrr, today, September 19th, is International Talk Like a Pirate Day!
E'eryone is supposed t' spend the whole day talkin' like a pirate and spendin' the day doin' all kinds o' pirate acti'ities.
Thar be e'ents takin' place all o'er the world today.
I know thar is a Pirates for Parkinsons Walk that happens today, tis' 50 walks, 1,000 people, all o'er the world, t' raise awareness and money t' help find a cure for Parkinsons disease.
Thar be many other e'ents happenin' today too, maybe one near you, so if you have nothin' much t' do today, why not find an International Talk Like a Pirate Day e'ent, and go have some fun and be a part o' an e'ent that could help a lot o' people.
Ahoy mateys, argh! Tis' Talk Like a Pirate Day 2009, argh!
September 19, 2009
Parking, pictures, teens & shopping.
I've been up all night with insomnia again, and I was super bored around 2-3-ish am, so I went outside to see if anything was up in my hood.
One of my neighbors in the duplex to my left, had a party last night, and it looks like he was a good host and didn't let anyone drive home drunk.
The driveway is full of cars, about 6 cars can fit in a straight line from door to street, and 1 of his guests couldn't fit his Mustang in the driveway, so he had to park it in the street.
With all of the sidewalk construction, he took a risk parking there, somebody might have hit it because there are still barricades and tractors, and piles of dirt and sewer drain piping everywhere.
Well he didn't want his wicked nice and shiny blue Mustang getting hit, so he made use of the construction barricades, this guy was clearly thinking with his beer brain.
This is 1 smart guy.
Uh-huh.
Yup, he put those barricades to work letting people know to not hit his pretty blue Mustang...
Till the police came by at 7:45am and wrote him a ticket for parking in a construction zone and tampering with city equipment. ha ha haha
Man, he's gonna flip when he wakes up and comes outside to sees the ticket.
The cop let me take the pics by the way, and I asked him what the fine was for the things he violated, and he told me the total ticket is $1,200.00
Ouch!
I hope the party was worth it dude. ha ha hahaha
Later on today, like this afternoon, I need to go to the grocery store and grab some more food.
I always forget like 1 or 2 crucial food items when I do the food shopping, even if I have a list and the items are on the list, somehow a couple of things always get skipped over or forgotten.
For example, I bought the super yummy Bubba burgers that we love, and forgot the buns.
Sure I could just make the burgers without the buns and use bread, but then every time I even think of doing that, I start thinking about Eddie Murphy's welfare burgers (WARNING foul language, but hey, it's Eddie Murphy...LoL) and then I am laughing so hard while making them, that I can hardly breathe or speak while trying to tell 1 of the teens to go to the corner store for burger buns.
"We got McDonalds, and you ain't got none, cuz you mommas' on welfare". LMAO!
I forgot some other stuff too, and we need more lunch meat, soda, more bread, (for mommas' big, greasy, green pepper welfare burgers HA!) and some other stuff, it's on the list that I wrote out earlier this morning after the drunk car protection and the cop thing.
Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you why I wasn't blogging all of that much the last few days.
I'm having this weird random body part swelling issue.
It's probably water retention, I do take a water pill everyday for my high blood pressure, so water retention might be why, but the pills usually work good so, maybe, maybe not.
Anyway, all day on Wednesday, my feet and ankles were swollen up, on Thursday, my knees were swollen up wicked bad, it like actually hurt really, really bad to try and walk, and sitting down and standing up, like having to pee and then leave the bathroom, was so freaking painful I wanted to cry!
Then all day yesterday, my hands and face were swollen.
My face wasn't too bad, I didn't look like a Campbell's soup kid, but my hands, holy crap!
My hands were swollen up so bad, like sausages in a microwave about to explode!
They were swollen and painful, they were like all tingly, so typing was out of the question.
I just laid on the couch most of the whole day until the swelling went down enough to at least use the mouse.
Once they got to that point, I was at least able to check into the forums and stuff.
It is very unusual for my face and hands to swell up like that though, my knees and feet I'm used to, they do that every few months or so, it is water weight in those areas, but the only time my hands and face ever swell up is when I've either eaten peaches or drank a juice with peach juice mixed in, or breathed in peach fuzz.
I am allergic to peaches (in case you didn't guess..haha), like really bad allergic to them, and swelling up is what happens as the allergy attack, it's like my warning sign to get some Benadryl in me, (I use the children's liquid, it works faster than the adult pills) and if I don't get some, I will have trouble breathing in about 45 minutes or so.
I usually get it and everything is ok, and last night I did take some allergy pills, I didn't have any Benadryl, and it did work, just not as fast.
The point is though, that my face and hands have never been that bad, they have never swollen up to that big and tight before.
I was really worried that the skin on my fingers was going to either crack or rip open, it was scary man.
I also have no idea what caused it, there are no peaches in the house, no peach products unless 1 of the teens brought it in, but they know what happens to me, they wouldn't do that on purpose, and I have not had anything out of the ordinary food wise, and to my knowledge, nothing where it could have been mixed in like a juice or food product.
It's very odd, I'm just going to have to be careful for awhile I think.
September 15, 2009
I hope he's not claustrophobic.
The ortho just called about 15 minutes ago to let me know that medicaid has approved the MRI series that Mark needs to have done.
They are doing a series of 3 all in 1 day, it will take about 2, to 2 and a half hours, and it's this coming Monday the 21st at 12:50pm, and then we'll go in on Thursday the 24th for the follow-up visit where they tell us the results.
Now that he's 18, the docs are calling and wanting to speak directly to him, not me, not his mom, they want to speak to the legal adult age Mark now.
It's kinda crazy, my baby is 18, people need to speak to him because of the legal stuff.
He's all telling them "Uh, speak to my mom, I have no idea what you just said".
That made me laugh, and then I spoke to the nurse to schedule his appointments for next week.
Mark says he's not claustrophobic, but he's never been inside of an MRI machine before, I don't think he's ever been in something that size before, and the noises that machine makes, the noise alone can make somebody feel like the machine is gonna fall apart on top of you while you're in it.
I've had a ton of MRIs and I'm still not used to the noises it makes, it's freaky, that big spinning noise followed by the big banging noise, it really is enough to freak you out.
In about a half hour or so, Mark and I are going to walk to Publix and do the grocery shopping, and then cab it back.
I waited all day to go because of how hot it is outside, the later in the day we go, the less the sun is shining down directly on us as we walk, it's starting to set, so it's not so bad walking at this time of day.
We'll go and get it over with, then come home and chill out for the rest of the night.
But things are rolling along with Mark's doc now, we're going to start taking care of this stuff ASAP, I'm so happy about that, it gives me hope that he won't have to wait for years for treatment like I had to do.
September 15, 2009
Major update.
Let's begin at Thursday the 10th and taking Mark to the orthopedist.
This is going to be a long one, sorry, a lot has gone on here since Thursday.
When Thursday came around, I started to feel like total crap, I felt lightheaded and nauseous, I was basically feeling like I just got hit by a bus and I had to take Mark to his doctor appointment with the ortho.
Mark's Big, George, took us there and to the pharmacy after, and then home again.
The doctor took about 8 xrays of Mark's spine from all different angles and views, and then he sat down with us to tell us the news.
Mark does not have scoliosis, but he does have problems with his spine, it's genetic, what he has, all of his problems are genetic.
Mark has Spondylolysis and Spondylolysthesis.
The spine is made up of a series of connected bones called "vertebrae." In about 5% of the adult population, there is a developmental crack in one of the vertebrae, usually at the point at which the lower (lumbar) part of the spine joins the tailbone (sacrum). It may develop as a stress fracture. Because of the constant forces the low back experiences, this fracture does not usually heal as normal bone. This type of fracture (called a spondylolysis) is simply a crack in part of the vertebra and may cause no problem at all. However, sometimes the cracked vertebra does slip forward over the vertebra below it. This is known as adult isthmic spondylolisthesis.
What are the symptoms?
Isthmic spondylolisthesis may not cause any symptoms for years (if ever) after the slippage has occurred. If you do have symptoms, they may include low back and buttocks pain; numbness, tingling, pain, muscle tightness or weakness in the leg (sciatica); increased sway back; or a limp. These symptoms are usually aggravated by standing, walking and other activities, while rest will provide temporary relief.
Spondylolysis and Spondylolysthesis, is nicknamed "swayback", your back sways "in" which causes you to lean forward and hunch over.
This is something I have always been yelling at Mark about while he plays video games on the pc or the xbox, "stop hunching over! sit up straight!" and he'd always tell me that sitting up straight hurt, that leaning forward felt better, and I know that it does, I know leaning forward feels better because I too have "swayback", my spine not only curved side to side from the scoliosis, it also curved inward at the L3 to S1 vertebrae, so that's one of the many reasons that my surgeon had to fuse me so far down, all the way down.
To help you see what I'm talking about in regards to which vertebrae are affected in both myself and Mark, you can click on this chart and see those affected areas.
There are 4 sections of the spine, and each section is then broken down to individual vertebrae.
There's the Cervical spine, C1 - C7, the Thoracic, T1 - T12, the Lumbar, L1 - L5, and then the Sacrum, S1, and the coccyx which is also known as the tailbone.
I have been fused from C1 all the way down to S1, the very top to the very bottom, and S1, or the sacrum, and the coccyx, are actually connected, so when I was fused, it really was from the very top of my spine to the very bottom of my spine, stem to stern as one doctor said.
Mark is affected at the L5 and S1 areas.
His sacrum (S1) and L5, are pointing down and in instead of up and straight like you see on the chart.
I didn't have my camera with me on Thursday, and I don't think the ortho would have liked me taking a picture of the xrays anyway as Mark is a brand new patient of his, we don't have an ongoing relationship with this doctor like I do with my surgeon.
I have been with my surgeon since November 2005, and because I've been with him so long, he doesn't mind me taking pictures of my xrays and stuff when he puts them up on the lightboards.
But because I didn't take my camera with me, I couldn't take a picture of Mark's xrays, but this is a pretty accurate image of Mark's "spondy" or "swayback" as it is nicknamed by different doctors.
My surgeon calls it swayback, Mark's ortho called it spondy.
The third image (left to right) is exactly how Mark's spine looks, it is down and in exactly like this drawing.
Along with the spondy, Mark has arthritis in his spine as I said above, and he also has stenosis and some nerve impingement as well.
The ortho did a few strength tests on both of Mark's arms and legs, and he is definitely weaker on his left side, and he does not have as much lower body strength as he does in his upper body.
His upper body is very strong while his lower body and his legs, are very weak, and his left leg is much weaker than his right.
The ortho also noted the nerve damage by pinching gently on his fingernails and toenails.
If you take your index finger and thumb of one hand, and use them to pinch down on the fingernail of your other hand's index finger, you see how long it takes for the color to come back in the skin under the nail.
Pinching the nails makes the skin underneath turn white, un-pinching them allows the blood flow to come back, and the longer it takes tells the doctor if there is nerve damage or pinched nerves in the hands and feet and how severe it is.
The fingernails on both of Mark's hands were ok, a little damage on his left, but both of his feet, especially his left, took a bit of time, so this told the doc that there is definitely some nerve impingement on his left side.
Once medicaid approves the MRIs, the doc will be better able to see just how much nerve damage and stenosis he has, and he will also be better able to see the "spondy" and how bad it is.
Once he sees that, he will then figure out a plan of action for Mark which will probably be a combination of bracing and some really tough physical therapy to strengthen his core muscles and use the physical therapy to try and pull the spondy out of the falling down pattern.
The physical therapy will improve his strength and flexibility in his core, as well as teach him how to properly move his body so he does not damage his lower spine any further.
Moving your body the wrong way can cause the spondy to fall even more and cause much more pain.
His ortho gave him Tramadol and Mobic (NSAID) for the pain he is currently having, and he was told to rest as much as possible.
Trying to make an 18 year old lay down on his bed or the couch for a few hours while alternating between heat and ice to reduce the inflammation and reduce pain, is like trying to teach a mosquito to not suck your blood.
Basically, he's not doing it as long as he should, I can only get him to lay perfectly still for about 1 hour. I do 30 minutes of heat, and then 30 minutes of cold, and that's it, he can't stand it anymore.
Now we are just waiting for the ortho to call us and tell us when to come in for the MRIs if and when medicaid approves them.
That was Mark's update, sorry it took me so long Mom and Dad, I know you've been waiting for this news.
Continue Reading �
September 14, 2009
I thought the fever was bad.
Holy crap it's hot in here and I can't really open up the windows because of all of the construction going on.
There's dirt being kicked up right in front of my house again today.
I have an appointment at 2pm today to see the doc about whatever it is that I have going on, hopefully it's not the flu or *gasp* swine flu.
Ha ha, that's a joke, I can't stand all of the hype around the swine flu, it's kind of nutty in my opinion considering that every year 36,000 people die from regular old flu, and here's everyone in a panic cuz like not even a quarter of that number have died from swine flu so far.
Anyway,
I've been laying on the couch since Sebastian left for school with 2 large box fans just blowin hot air at me.
The temp is 90 and the humidity is at 90% too.
Nice scalding hot day.
Sucks.
September 13, 2009
This is so not my week.
I'm wicked sick, been sick since Thursday, took Mark to the orthopedist on Thursday, will explain how that all went later on, and once again, my AC unit has died.
I'm pretty sure the storms we've been having killed it.
I really cannot believe the week I've had, am having.
This sucks so freaking much.
September 9, 2009
We're all falling apart.
All 3 of us now have some sort of pain, we're all laughing about it because it is kind of funny, all of us in some sort of pain.
Sebastian pulled a muscle on the side of his stomach, like his obliques, and Mark is still having horrible back pain, and the teens now understand what I've been going through with my back and spine fusion pain.
Mark especially, his back is hurting him so much that he can barely sleep anymore, and this is a teen who usually can sleep for a good 18 hours if I would let him.
I'll be taking Mark to the orthopedist on Thursday after I find a ride there,
The last time we went down to the docs at that address, we took a cab, it cost $20 each way for a 10 minute ride, yeah.
I'd rather give a friend $10-$20 for gas than to pay $40 to take a cab again.
I'm going to call a friend today and see if he can help me out.
But anyway, Mark is starting to get nervous about it and I've tried like crazy to calm his fears, but he knows what I've had to go through, he's been with me every step of the way, the surgeries, the physical therapy, the braces and walkers, canes, shower chairs, and agonizing pain for days on end, so he's really getting a bit scared.
He did joke about it a bit last night though, both he and I have been up all night, neither of us can sleep, both of us are in pain, but he made a funny.
He said that buying Ferrari parts or Maserati parts, would be a whole lot cheaper than having spine fusion.
I laughed out loud and said that they probably would be, spine fusion surgeries are wicked expensive, I'll be paying off those bills till the day I die.
He laughed and said "Oh, that's great! I'm only 18 and I'll be paying off my surgeries till the day that I die too if they say that we need to do surgery!"
I told him not to think about surgery yet, we haven't even had xrays yet, just a physical examination and rib hump check, it could be something super easy to fix like a herniated disc, so chill out man, don't get freaked out about it yet.
He said that he would try to relax, but it's getting closer to the appointment date, so it's on his mind more now.
I'm really hoping that it's super easy to fix, no surgery needed, I don't want to see him go through even a small fraction of what I've been through.
I am trying so hard to keep positive thoughts, to try and make him keep positive thoughts, but he knows all too well what a diagnosis of scoliosis can mean, and he's afraid.
I hate that.
I hate that I could have given this problem to him, I hate it, I will feel so guilty if I did, if the doc on Thursday says that it is scoli.
I think I'm probably more afraid of the diagnosis than he is.
September 8, 2009
The construction workers must die.
Today has just been 1 of those kinds of days, and the city is to blame for it
The city is still doing the sidewalk construction and they are finally at my driveway to do it when they screwed stuff up big time.
I was sitting here this morning trying to do some work and reading up on some diet pill reviews because I'm still too fat in my opinion and need something that works, when all of a sudden, the internet wouldn't work anymore.
The city workers were out there digging up the dirt they put there last week so that they can plot out the sidewalk areas, when the dummies hit the telephone wires that are in the ground, with the backhoe.
My whole driveway is completely blocked off, no cars can get in or out at all, they have it all blocked off with cones and barricades for the night.
But anyway, when the internet and phone stopped working, I had to use my cell phone to call Verizon, at this point I didn't know the construction workers had hit the lines.
I called Verizon and they had me do all kinds of things to try and restore the connection, and nothing worked, and then the customer service guy asked me if there was any construction going on.
I told him yes, and he said that was the problem and he'd send a service tech out today.
After he told me that, I went outside and tried to talk to the workers and the Spanish worker told me in wicked bad broken English that "it no big deal you no phone, they fix after we finish digging", and he was laughing about it like it wasn't a big deal at all.
When the Verizon tech came out, I told him what happened and what the worker had said, and he got mad and went over to yell at them.
He had to run all new lines, re-bury them, and he had to find a worker who spoke English to tell them to not cement those wires in, that Verizon had marked out the lines, they have to not be cemented in.
He found a guy, a supervisor, and he explained everything to him and then came back over and fixed all of my stuff.
It was about 5 hours today where I had no internet and no phone.
It really sucked because I had a ton of work to do and couldn't do any of it.
I am very glad though that Verizon came straight out and fixed it, that's probably the best service from them that I've had in the 10.5 years that I've had them as my phone and internet providers.
When my net finally came back on, there was just so much going on, mistakes, questions, I had a ton of emails to answer, things were just nuts.
And now here it is almost 9pm, and I've barely gotten any of my stuff done.
Grr, I could have really used those 5 hours to get stuff done.
Hopefully the workers won't hit the phone lines again tomorrow when they come back to pour the cement in my driveway that cannot be driven or walked over for the next 3 days.
That really blows.
September 5, 2009
I did not sign up to detect the weather.
When I woke up yesterday, I had that feeling in my whole body.
The feeling that bad weather is coming, rain, a storm, whatever, something bad was coming, and I was right.
It's raining again, started sprinkling around 5pm or so, but I felt it all day and night yesterday, all day today.
When it gets like that, when I get like this, I can't hardly move, I don't want to do anything but lay on the couch, I don't want to do anything, not even eat.
I don't need any weight loss supplements or diet tricks when the weather is bad, the pain keeps me from eating.
It hurts to get up and try to cook anything, so I just don't even bother eating.
So basically all I've done all weekend is lay on the couch and watch movies.
I watched Across the Universe
I watched Wall-E
Wall-E is just so dang cute and it has a terrific story too.
Right now I'm watching Mr. Brooks
I've never seen it before, heard it was ok, and I'll pretty much watch anything once.
If I get to feeling better, like I can move a bit better, I may go and make a cake.
I just really feel like cake, chocolate cake with chocolate frosting.
Yum.
I hope I get to feeling better, I really want cake.
September 4, 2009
Gonna be blocked in by the end of the day.
The city is doing the sidewalk construction project on my street still, it was supposed to be done by August 27th, but yeah, didn't happen.
They are making progress though, they are finally laying down the cement.
They got my direct neighbor to the left yesterday, they couldn't drive into their own yard all day and all night.
And by the end of today, they will have done the same to my house.
We're going to be trapped basically by wet cement.
I'll be so glad when this is over though.
They are kicking up so much dirt and dust, my whole house is getting filled with dirt and dust constantly.
It's totally affecting all of us too.
Mark's allergies are in high gear, Sebastian keeps getting headaches, and my skin is super dried out.
I've been using all of my different lotions and some natural lotion as well, but my skin is just dry dry dry.
The lotion is just being sucked in but my legs and feet are just staying dry.
I'm really over this whole sidewalk project now.
The sidewalks will be great when they are finished, but it's a freaking mess out there.
Traffic is held up, you can't get in and out of your own house, up or down the street, and if it rains at all, even little sprinkles, the construction workers all leave for the day leaving huge tractors and cement trucks, orange cones, all kinds of equipment, all over the place making it a total hazard to try and drive up or down the street.
Summer is the rainy season, it rains every single afternoon for about an hour, whoever it is that planned to do this during the rainy season should be fired.
He's an idiot.
September 3, 2009
I did everything that I was supposed to do.
I am so angry at Mark's doctor, furious really.
On Monday, I took Mark to the doctor for the back pain that he's been suffering from, I did everything that you're supposed to do when you're having a medical problem, you go to your primary care doctor for help.
His doctor wasn't actually there, he was having surgery done on himself, he won't be back until Monday, so we saw the physicians assistant.
Mark and I told her all about the pain he's been having and why it took so long for us to get him to a doctor.
Mark had been in pain for months on end but didn't tell me because of everything that I was going through, but he would ask me for Tylenol or something, he would just say he was having a backache, but it got to the point that he was asking for more and more Tylenol, so I made him tell me how long he's been in pain and how bad it is using the 1-10 pain scale.
He's been in pain for months and his pain is averaging between and 8-9 all of the time.
So I took him to the doctor, explained it all, she had him do the bend over check for scoliosis because of my history and because it's genetic, hereditary.
When he bent over, as soon as he bent over, I saw it, the rib hump on the left side.
She gave him a referral for an orthopedic and I asked her about the pain, how is she going to treat his pain because he's going through a bottle of 100 Tylenol every week by himself.
That stuff kills your stomach, liver, and kidneys, it's bad to take that much.
She said she wasn't going to give him anything, she said and I quote, "If the pain is that bad, take him to the ER."
The orthopedists office is right next door to his doctor's office, so I went in and scheduled his appointment right away, they can't see him until the 10th, so I went back over to the docs and told her that and asked again what she could do for his pain, and again, she said to take him to the ER.
Mark said he didn't want to go to the ER, it takes too long, he was in so much pain he just wanted to go home.
But he went yesterday, he couldn't take the pain anymore and I couldn't stand him being in that much pain and taking that much Tylenol anymore.
We got in to see a doc pretty fast and I told him what the primary doc said to do, bring him to the ER for pain treatment.
The ER doc was not happy about that, he said they should have taken care of him on Monday, that's what they are supposed to do, take care of their patients and treat them.
But he treated Mark anyway, he checked his spine and said it does look like scoliosis, but it also looks like a herniated disc.
He wrote Mark 3 scripts, 1 for Tramadol for pain, 1 for Flexeril for muscle spasms, and 1 for Prednisone for a steroid treatment, it's should help if it is a herniated disc.
But the ER doc told me to cal Mark's primary doc back on Monday and tell them that sending us to the ER for pain treatment is something that they should have done, and he, (the ER doc) will be calling the primary doc on Monday as well because the ER is for emergencies, not for something his primary doc should have done.
Oh, the physicians assistant did write him a script though, she wrote him a script for what she called the best acne treatment available by prescription, but Mark said he didn't want me to go pick it up, he was kinda pissed about the whole thing, about not being treated right and being made to go spend 4 hours in the ER.
I am hoping beyond hope that when we go to the ortho and they do xrays and stuff, that it won't be scoli, that it will be a herniated disc just throwing his spine out of alignment, herniated discs can make it appear like scoli because the disc is bulging so much that it causes the spine to curve.
That's what I'm hoping for.
I'm hoping that the initial diagnosis is wrong, the ER doc said he can see the rib hump but he can also detect a herniated disc, so it could be that or it could be both.
I am so hoping it's just a bad disc, I do not want Mark to have to go through everything that I've gone through.
It's no way to spend the rest of your life.
I don't want this for Mark, or Sebastian, I don't want either of them to have scoliosis.
September 1, 2009
My nightmare is true.
I took Mark to the docs yesterday about his back pain and it's not good.
The doc looked at him, did the usual tests, and he has scoliosis.
He has a definite rib hump.
I am so so upset right now.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm just too upset about it all.
August 30, 2009
Too hot to move.
It was too hot to go anywhere today like I wanted to do, so it will all have to wait until tomorrow.
The temp was about 90degrees, but the heat index was way up there.
It's going to be like that all week too.
Temps in the 90's with a chance of rain every single day.
We are officially in the rainy season.
I wanted to go and do the grocery shopping today, get it all over with, but it was just way too hot to go out there.
Heck, it's hot just sitting in the house with the AC on and a box fan aimed right at me from less than 4 feet away.
I'll do everything that I wanted to do today, tomorrow after I get done taking Mark to the doctor's office.
Mark has an appointment at 1:30pm with the doctor to look at his back, it's been bothering him for quite a long time now, and I am horribly worried that some of what I have has passed onto him, so I'm taking him to get checked out.
After that, we'll go the pharmacy to get 2 of my scripts filled and if the doc gives him anything, and then we'll do the shopping.
We'll just do everything in one trip so we don't waste time or have to be out in the heat for too long.
Ok, time for dinner.
Later days!
August 27, 2009
All this rain sucks.
I twittered earlier today about the rain sucking the life outta me, but for a couple of reasons.
First, the rain makes all of my joints ache and the titanium freeze up which causes me to be all stiff as a board, and second, because the septic system has been having issues all day.
It's been heavy raining off and on all day and night, and because the city has dug up all of the ditches to install new drainage pipes and a sidewalk that they haven't finished yet, the rain has nowhere to go except into my lawn, seeping into my lawn and putting a ton of pressure on the drain field for the septic system and tank.
In other words, our toilet refuses to flush properly.
I've been trying all day to get it to flush correctly, plunging it every few hours, keeping towels around the base of the toilet in case it overflows so that I don't have a huge flooding mess to clean up later.
I'm so glad that no one in the house is sick, no one has the flu, no one has a stomach bug, and no one has food poisoning which would cause the same type of bowel issues as phentermine side effects would.
Ya know, things like diarrhea, nausea or vomiting.
I'm thrilled that everyone's bowels are just fine and the toilet water that I'm plunging is just clean water.
I'm so wiped out, so tired, but I cannot sleep tonight.
I am wide awake, it's my body that is physically tired, my brain is wired, but I also need to stay awake so that no one flushes the toilet in the middle of the night and causing a huge flood in the house.
It would totally suck to have to wake up and start cleaning up gallons of water like we've had to do in the past.
I absolutely hate it when the toilets overflow because the septic system is under pressure, it totally sucks.
Cleaning up water for hours with towels, putting them through the spin cycle, then the dryer, then laying them down to sop up more water, so yeah, I have to stay awake tonight to make sure that doesn't happen again.
August 26, 2009
Trying to pick up the pieces. Still.
Ok, so yesterday didn't go quite so well.
Sebastian didn't have a good day at school, the students are being bombarded with a ton of new rules, the teachers are as well, so the teachers are frustrated and upset, and taking it out on their students.
If a student asks to go to the bathroom, before the teacher agrees to let them go, the entire class is subjected to a lecture about the new bathroom policy.
Students are given a maximum of 3 minutes to use the restroom, that's it.
If a security guard sees them go in, they start timing the students, if they go over 3 minutes, the student is taken to the office, and then the principal or vice principal decides if the student will be given detention.
Then the student is give a hall pass, and warned about the 3 minutes, and so the students are pretty much running to the bathroom, going as fast as they can, and getting back to class before the 3 minutes are up or a security guard catches them in the bathroom or hall.
Lunch is still also a problem.
There are hundreds of students trying to get lunch and eat it in just 20 minutes.
The lines are long, kids are pushing and rushing just trying to get and eat their lunches, and if the bell rings and the students aren't done yet, the security guards make them be done by taking their lunch trays and dumping them in the trash, and then rushing the students out of the cafeteria.
500+ students all trying to get their lunches at the same time is making the cafeteria workers stressed out, so they are yelling at the kids, each other, and the security guards.
It was just a super stressful day Sebastian said, and he brought the stress home with him.
He did ok for the first few hours that he was home, and then he slowly started blowing up.
He started arguing with Mark, then arguing with me, and then yelling at both Mark and I about all kinds of things.
A lot of what he was yelling about were the events of the last few months involving me and my depression, the accusations made, the promises that were made to him by other people and then those promises got broken, his hurt over those broken promises, hurt over things said to him, lies that were told, and etc etc etc.
I finally got him calmed down to the point where we were able to talk about it all without the yelling, and then he broke down.
He just started crying and couldn't stop, kept saying how sorry he was for ever making the phone call that started it all, then Mark started crying and saying how sorry he was for making that phone call, the blame themselves for everything that happened, and no matter how many times I tell them that it isn't their fault and I don't blame them, they still blame themselves.
After talking about it all for several hours, they both finally calmed down, accepted that I don't blame them, and then they both hugged me at the same time and told me how much they love me.
I so wish that the mistakes that I've made didn't affect them, that they wouldn't be blaming themselves for all of the stuff that happened, but it has and there's not much that I can do about it accept to just keep going, keep trying to pick up the broken pieces of hurt that's laying scattered all over the floor.
I called the teens doctor today about Mark's back pain, and the office was closed, they will be open tomorrow at 9am, but I left a message for them and then I'm still going to call them tomorrow morning around 10-11am if they don't call me back before then.
I'm super worried that I've passed onto him some of my back issues.
I know that a few of the issues that I have are genetic, they can be passed on to my children, so I'm really worried that I've given him one or more of the things that I have wrong with my back.
I want the doctor to check him out and order CT scans or an MRI to see if we can figure out why he's having so much pain in his lower back at least 4-5 times per week.
The pain is so bad he cries over it, so I know that it's very real pain that he's dealing with, and worries me, makes me afraid that I've given him these problems.
So last night, I was trying to help Sebastian with his emotional hurt, and also trying to help Mark with his physical hurt, and it all just made for a really rough day.
August 26, 2009
Tuesday was one of those days.
The kind of day that starts off pretty good, and then descends into chaos by the time the day is over.
I'll have to post about it tomorrow because right now, I'm dead tired, been sitting here falling asleep at my desk after not sleeping for 2 days again.
Sebastian had another not so great day at school which set him off, and that pretty much caused our entire night to be total crap.
Tomorrow, I'll talk about it all tomrrow.
August 22, 2009
Dove Body Wash with NutriumMoisture
I was recently contacted by Dove to try out some of their new Dove body wash with NutriumMoisture, and they were delivered about a week and a half ago.
I received the 3 new body washes, Gentle Exfoliating, Deep Moisture, and Sensitive Skin, and I've given each 1 of them a try.
The new Dove body washes help you keep your skin's natural oils unlike other body washes and soaps which can wash it away, and instead of helping to keep your skin soft, they can actually dry it out.
Most regular body washes cause dry skin damage, yuck!
The new Dove body washes also rinse completely away, they don't leave any soapy residue behind.
They contain soybean oil, Lipids, and Glycerin, and all 3 of these help retain the skin's natural moisture, and they absorb quickly, help smooth and soften skin, and help restore hydration naturally.
They are also the #1 dermatologist recommended brand, so that let me know that I could trust these to not cause any breakouts or a rash, that they really would be good for my skin.
After giving all 3 of them a good try, I used each 1 of them for 2-3 days each during my daily showers, I've come to really like the Gentle Exfoliating 1 the best.
I have very dry skin on my elbows, knees, and feet, my heels being the worst areas, and the Gentle Exfoliating has definitely made a huge difference in not only appearance, but the texture of my heels.
They are very soft, not all dry and cracked like they were, so now I can keep wearing my flip flops without Sebastian making comments about my cracked heels.
He would always tell me to wear socks or something because of how cracked they were.
Yucky I know, but not a single 1 of the lotions that I was using were helping to stop them from being so dry and cracked.
Now they look great, feel great, and it's nice to know they don't look terrible anymore.
I really like all 3 of the body washes, but I love the exfoliating 1 the best and will be buying it when I run out of these full sized sample bottles that I received.
Thanks Dove!
August 22, 2009
Passed out and stayed out.
After not sleeping for 3 days in a row and having to walk to and from the high school on Friday, I laid down to take a nap around 1pm, stayed asleep until around 6:30pm, was awake long enough to make the teens dome dinner, and then I went back to sleep and didn't wake up again until 11am this morning.
Guess my body just really needed it.
Oh, we got out of the 3-hour long orientation and tour because by the time I got to the school, I was in like a wicked lot of pain, there was no way that I could stay there for the whole 3 hours and walk around the whole building, so they gave Sebastian his schedule and let us leave.
Reader Steve L., contacted me about the HP inkjet cartridges, he can use all 3 of them for his printers, so good deal. I will mail all 3 of them out to him on Monday morning.
I'm so glad that someone could use them, they were just sitting here taking up space not being used.
Today is just a nice and quiet day, not too much going on, so I'm probably just going to chill out, maybe play some Sims3 or something, don't know.
Later days.
August 20, 2009
A 3 hour long orientation?
Tomorrow morning, Sebastian and I have to go up to the high school, be there by 8am, for his high school orientation and tour of the new building.
It will take 3 hours and it's mandatory.
This is a picture of the new building.
In the lower left of the picture, you can see the old buildings.
It was an open plan design, meaning that all of the hallways had openings directly to the outside, not just doors, but full and wide openings.
At the end of every school day, they had huge gates that came down and locked in place to prevent anyone from entering any of the buildings.
The new building is a closed building, they said they built it for security reasons, so that people can't just walk in or out of the school.
The orientation is mandatory, if a student does not go and listen to the principal talk for 1 hour, and then take a full tour of the building for the next 2 hours, with their parents also in attendance, they cannot have their class schedule.
That's really not right, making every student and at least 1 parent, have to walk around the entire building, look in every room, for 2 hours, or they can't have their class schedule.
It's going to be very difficult for me to do, but it has to be done, so I'll be going.
I was hoping that it was going to be only 1 level, not 2 like the old school was, but nope, 2 stories.
It takes me like 2 hours every morning to get up and get moving, un-stiffen, before I can start my day doing all that needs to be done, so I'm going to have to wake up at 5am, sit down and take my meds, wait for them to start working, and then take my shower around 6am, then wake up Sebastian, have him take a shower, and then leave the house by 7:15am so we can walk to the school to be there by 8am.
I'm going to have to take a diet coke with me and 2 extra pain pills in case I start hurting bad doing all of that walking to the school, walk around the building, and then walk home.
I'm going to be dead tired, sore, and wiped out when we get back home, but it has to be done, so I'm going to try and make the best of it.
While we're there, we need to go talk to the guidance counselor because Sebastian wants to see if he can get in to poly-tech, the technical high school, instead of staying at the regular high school.
He wants to do computer stuff, programming, game design, graphic design, and he can learn all of that at the poly-tech high school.
He is probably not going to be able to get into it for this school year, admissions are closed, but he will be able to get in for next year, so we need to talk to the guidance counselor about all of that, what he needs to do this year so he can pass the admissions testing for next year.
It's what he really wants to do, so I'm going to do everything that I can to help him get there.
I'm also hoping that tomorrow, after the orientation and tour, that they give us the back to school supply list so that when I get paid again, I can get him what he needs for school.
I have tons of notebooks, pens, pencils, folders, all of the basics, but if he needs anything special, I need to know so that I can work on getting it.
August 19, 2009
Cougar Town? Seriously? Ugh.
ABC has a new show starting on Wednesday September 23rd at 9:30pm, and it's called Cougar Town.
Can a woman of a certain age be a mom, a successful career woman and still be on the prowl? Jules Cobb (Courteney Cox) is about to give it a try.In a small Florida town, the center of high society is the Cougars high school football team... which is wildly appropriate since this town is the natural habitat for over-tanned, under-dressed divorcees prowling for younger men. Jules desperately doesn't want to be one of them, but with an ugly divorce behind her and 40 staring right back at her, she's longing for a little more action in her life. The available men her own age, like her silver fox of a neighbor, Grayson Ellis, only seem interested in dating barely legal hotties. Egged on by her very married and very irreverent best friend Ellie and her determined assistant Laurie, Jules reluctantly dips her toe back into the dating pool. To her surprise, she hits it off with a nice young guy named Matt -- emphasis on the young -- and discovers this gal still has the goods.
A cougar is an animal, a member of the big cat family, a wild animal that hunts, prowls, and kills it's prey.
How women over a certain age ended up with this nickname I'll never understand.
Older men who date younger women are called a nice and sweet name, sugar daddy.
According to Urban Dictionary, a site that lets society define words, sugar daddy means A man (usually older and well-off) who financially supports a younger woman (or man) in exchange for sex and companionship.
According to Urban Dictionary, a cougar is defined as: (see also hunt, prowl, corner, pounce). Noun. A 35+ year old female who is on the "hunt" for a much younger, energetic, willing-to-do-anything male. The cougar can frequently be seen in a padded bra, cleavage exposed, propped up against a swanky bar in San Francisco (or other cities) waiting, watching, calculating; gearing up to sink her claws into an innocent young and strapping buck who happens to cross her path. "Man is cougar's number one prey".
Why do older men who date younger women, get a cute nickname, but older women who date younger men, get the nickname of an animal who can rip your throat out and eat you?
I absolutely hate the term cougar.
I hate it so much that it caused a pretty serious argument between a friend and I, she calling me a cougar in a joking manner, but I took it as an insult, because to me, it is an insult.
The friend and I are actually no longer friends, that's how offended I was.
I do not think that it's ok to call women cougar, I don't care if society has accepted, even embraced the term, it's disgusting in my opinion.
There are a few shows that are about older women dating younger men now.
There's a show kind of like the bachelor/bachelorette, called The Cougar, where one woman, a 40 year old woman, she starts off with so many young men, and through a series of dates and adventures on the show, she widdles them down until she finds the one young man she wants to keep dating, or marry, whatever.
Season 1 has ended, and Stacey, the 40 year old mother of 4, chose a young man named Jimmy, age 23, and rumor has it that they are engaged and expecting a child.
And now we have Cougar Town, a comedy about a 40 year old single mom prowling for younger men after a divorce.
The cougar thing has even started happening on daytime soaps, with ABC (ABC has a theme going here now) and All My Children's Erica Kane starting a fling with much younger Ryan Lavery.
Erica's been married about a dozen or more times, Ryan has been married a few times, and now he's starting to pursue Erica, the mother of the last woman he slept with, her daughter Kendall Hart-Slater, who is the mother of Ryan's son Spike, which Erica is the grandmother of.
Erica and Ryan are RELATED to each other through marriage and childbirth, but ABC loves the cougar idea so much, they ignored the fact that they are related just so they could run the storyline.
Gross.
It's really gross.
If Erica and Ryan were not related at all, I wouldn't have an issue with their relationship, but they are related, she's the grandmother of his son, she is the mother of a woman who he was married to and had a child with, and had started seeing again right before he started pursuing Erica.
That's just all Jerry Springer episode right there.
The cougar thing has now become totally acceptable in society, and I don't have a problem with older women dating younger men, no, not at all, I just hate the term cougar.
It's a vicious animal that hunts, prowls, and kills its prey, why would any woman want to be called that?
What do I think they should be called?
I don't know, anything but a name that means something bad, cougar is an animal that kills it's prey, it hunts, prowls, stalks, why are older women being portrayed that way, yet older men are not?
Older men are always given cute nicknames, like if they are just older but not dating, they're an old bachelor, but an older woman who isn't dating?
An old maid.
See?
I'll probably give the show a chance, watch 2-3 episodes because it might actually be funny, it might show older women getting on with life after divorce positively, but if every other person is calling her a cougar, I'll change the channel.
I hate the term, I just think it's a nasty way to describe older women dating again.
August 18, 2009
Coming back around.
I've been down and out of it for so long now, depressed, off in my own world inside of my head, angry, upset, scared, and feeling incredibly alone, an isolation that was destroying me from the inside out.
My sons had to grow up too fast over these 3+ years, they had to take care of me and each other after the surgeries, and because of that plus my depression, they missed out on a lot, lost some of their childhoods, and for that, I will always be sorry.
Most of what happened in our lives was beyond any of our control, the surgeries had to be done, but when I started to get depressed, I tried to deal with it on my own and that was a mistake.
I knew deep down that I couldn't, but I didn't want to admit that I needed help, I thought it would pass, because in the past when I started feeling bad, it always did pass on it's own without help.
That was a mistake I made this time, and now that I asked for and got help, I see very clearly that it was a mistake.
Now that I am starting to come out of the depression and come back around to being my old self, I am seeing very clearly mistakes that I made and other things, and I am taking back control of my life.
Last night was an eye opener around here, I'm not going to talk about what happened, but it showed me just how out of control things were, and so now I'm taking back control, I'm going to take back my life and my home and family, and not allow things to get to the point that they had gotten to ever again.
I also need to get back on track with my work, because of everything that has been going on, I lost focus and drive, and I am not ok with that, I am not ok with how I've handled myself concerning work over the last 5+ months or so, so I'm taking that back too.
I almost feel like I need business plan consultants to help me get back on track, to help me schedule my time better, but I think I can do it on my own, I was doing it very well before the depression started, so I should be able to pick this up and do what needs to be done every single day again, get my organization back, schedule my time better again.
I feel really good today after having a massive breakthrough last night.
There are still some things that will not be fixed for a long time, I still have some anger to deal with, but I'm working on it and I know that in time things will be ok again, things will be back to how they were before I lost myself.
I found myself again last night, I missed being that person, and so did my sons.
My breakthrough last night lifted all of us back up, it was a huge sigh of relief being let out last night, and so yeah, I know that we are all going to be ok again.
I'm coming back around, and it feels really good to be back.
August 14, 2009
Smelly Washer giveaway winner!
I was supposed to draw the winner for the Smelly Washer product yesterday, but I was sick and hadn't slept in days.
I apologize to all of the entrants for that, I am really very sorry.
So without further ado, the winner chosen by random.org is.......
The comment was.....
And it belongs to Faith!
I will email Faith and she will have 48 hours to email me her mailing address.
If I do not get a reply from her after that time, I will choose another winner using random.org again.
Thanks to everyone who entered, and even if you didn't win, you can buy the product and get 10% off using the promo code "singlemom" (minus the quotes) in the box clearly marked promotion code.
The promo code is only good until August 31st, so make sure you use the code to get the discount if you want to buy the product at a better price.
August 10, 2009
Just a long boring weekend 'round here.
Sorry I once again haven't posted for a few days, I'm beginning to make that a bad habit eh?
Things with the teens are good, they are happy, healthy, and bored to death over summer break. Thank the whatevers that Sebastian starts school again on the 24th, they are beginning to really grate on each others nerves.
We've spent the majority of this weekend watching tv and movies, just hanging out around the house.
I really just don't feel like doing much of anything, saying much of anything.
Life is just at a stand still for me I guess.
Brain block, emotion block, everything block.
Ever get that way?
I am just in a place, an unknown place to me, a place I don't like, I am not enjoying being in it, it's just an empty, lonely place.
I cannot explain it any better than that.
August 5, 2009
Smelly Washer review and giveaway!
I was recently given the opportunity to try out a product called Smelly Washer.
You're probably thinking, smelly washer?!
Why would you want to make your washing machine smelly?
Or maybe you're not.
Smelly Washer is actually a really simple to use product that removes any bad smells from your washing machine like that moldy mildew smell, odor, or fungus, or any stinky washing machine smell that your top or front loading machine may have.
It's a washing machine cleaner that is so simple to use and they guarantee that it will remove the bad odors from your washing machine.
How does it work?
All you do to remove the bad smells from your washing machine is to add 1 level cap full of the Smelly Washer product to your washing machine in it's hottest setting and let it agitate for just 2 minutes.
Then, stop the washing machine and let it sit overnight.
In the morning, let it finish the cycle, that's it, the bad odors are gone.
If you add 1 teaspoon once per month in a "soak" cycle, it will keep your washing machine fresh all of the time.
You can even use it to remove any mildew or other bad smells from towels or clothes.
Throw your stinky towels in the washer, add 1 level cap full of Smelly Washer, let it agitate for 2 minutes, stop the machine and let them soak for 2 hours, then add your detergent and finish the cycle.
The bad smells will be gone from your towels and clothes.
I had a good week and a half to try this out and it really does work.
It's a hot Florida summer, so the teens are taking showers, throwing their wet towels in the laundry basket, and I'm finding them days later all moldy smelling.
OMG!!! P-U!!!!
Smelly Washer really did get rid of the bad smells, and I'm giving a bottle of it away to 1 lucky reader, and I'm also authorized to offer 10% off if anyone wants to order it.
If you decide to order, just use the promo code "singlemom" (minus the quotes of course) in the box clearly marked promotion code.
The promo code is only good until August 31st, so make sure you use it before you lose it!
Now, do you want to try and win a full size bottle of Smelly Washer?!?!?
Here's how!
Rules:
The giveaway is only open to United States excluding Alaska and Hawaii. (Sorry Alaska and Hawaii!) *sad*
This giveaway is open to all, not just bloggers, but rules must be followed.
Only 1 entry per person/family/household.
Only 1 person per IP address can enter the giveaway and complete the required entry and extra entries.
No entering on behalf of others, using extra identities or others identities, no automated program entries, etc.
I can check and verify IP addresses and email addresses. *wink*
If you are caught cheating, you will be banned from this giveaway and any future giveaways on my blogs.
This giveaway is only open to those ages 18+ only.
All entries must be received by 11:59 pm Eastern Time on Wednesday August 12, 2009.
I will pick the winner randomly using random.org on Thursday August 13th, and email the winner and they will have 48 hours to claim their prize.
If I do not get a reply within 48 hours, I will pick a new winner using random.org again.
How to enter:
The required entry:
This is mandatory, if this one entry is not done, you will not qualify for the giveaway.
For a chance to win, leave me a comment telling me what the absolute worst smelling thing is that you have ever had to wash.
This could be dirty laundry, or it could be that casserole dish you found in the way back of the fridge with something in it that you totally forgot about for 6 months.
I want to know the worst smelling thing you've ever had to wash!
For extra entries:
The following are all for 1 additional entry each, and you must leave a separate comment for each 1 that you do.
If you bundle entries in 1 comment, the comment will be deleted and disqualified.
1.
Post a new comment telling me how you got rid of the offending odor.
2.
Blog about this on your blog, link back to this post, and leave a separate comment with the url to your post.
The post must remain on your blog for the duration of the contest, 1 week.
Link to Smelly Washer's website in your post.
The url is http://www.smellywasher.com/
3.
Post about this giveaway with a link back to this post on Twitter, and then leave a comment on this post with the link to your Twitter post about this contest.
You can Twitter the following if you want to;
Kat is giving away a full size bottle of Smelly Washer! Come enter!! http://bit.ly/D5eXN
That's it!
Good luck!!
August 4, 2009
F.I.N.E.
I'm sorry that I have not posted since the 30th, like 5 or so days now, I took some time off for my health.
The stress of everything that I have going on was just really getting to me, and so I just wanted to chill out, sleep, hang with my sons and stuff.
I am really sorry if I worried anyone.
It's taking me some time to adjust to the antidepressants, not really sure if I like them.
I do not feel any less depressed to be honest with you, as a matter of fact, I feel like telling the whole world to take a flying leap.
I'm just really tired ya know?
I'm tired of everything, I'm tired of living like this, I'm tired of people thinking they have the slightest clue what my life is like, so yeah, I took some time off, some time away from everything and everyone.
I needed that time to try and clear my head out, get over the medicine allergy attack I had last week, time to try and sort out the mess that my current life has become.
No one, except other people who also are forced to live like this, will ever truly be able to understand what all I deal with on a daily basis, the pain, sickness, being stuck like this, being depressed about it all, and I'm exhausted from trying to please people, from trying to make everyone else happy.
I don't know, I just don't know what to say right now.
I'm hurt.
I'm physically hurt, emotionally hurt, my sons are hurt, my small little family is broken, and I needed time to try and fix or at least start to mend my family.
And it's just tough going folks, just really tough, but I am sorry if I worried anyone.
I honestly do not know what to say right now.
July 30, 2009
The winner of the Jessie Steele vintage apron giveaway is....
The winner of the Jessie Steele Vintage Apron in the pattern of Summer Lemons giveaway as chosen by random.org is comment #14!
And that comment belongs to...
Becca of Becca's Buzz!
Congrats Becca! I hope that you will enjoy your new apron!
I have already emailed her and she will have 48 hours to reply to my email with her shipping address or else I will draw a new winner.
I want to say a very special thanks to Single Edition and Jessie Steele for sponsoring this giveaway.
I had a ton of fun doing it, I learned some great recipes and tasty ideas from my entrants, and I look forward to having many more giveaways in the future.
Continue Reading �
July 30, 2009
Medicine allergies are the suck.
On Monday the 27th, my doctor called in 3 new medicines for me because it was what we had discussed doing, but I was also feeling sick when they got called in, I just wasn't feeling right, a slight fever, stomach upset, but I attributed it to the Elavil causing stomach upset like it has been doing every night since taking it.
I was on my regular pain meds, the new antidepressant which does cause stomach upset after taking it, and then clonidine to help me quit smoking, and phenergan to alleviate the sickness from all of the other meds that I take, and valium to help alleviate the stress of quitting smoking.
All 3 of these meds are what we talked about at my last appointment on the 14th, but my doctor wanted to check them against any allergies that they may produce with all of the other meds that I take.
I picked them up around 5:30pm Monday night, and took the first dose of each 3 as I was told to do, 1 of each every 8 hours.
All 3 of these new meds cause severe drowsiness, which is fine by me because I rarely ever sleep anyway.
Within an hour of taking that first dose, I was deathly sick, so so freaking sick I was scared that something was very, very wrong with me, that whatever it was that I had previous, had grown even bigger and was just going to knock me down.
By the time I posted on Tuesday the 28th, I was barely coherent, Sebastian actually posted this post for me because I couldn't even sit up, never mind type, my vision was blurry, I was slurring my speech, I couldn't walk, it was very, very bad.
This is definitely way TMI, (too much information) but literally within an hour of taking that first dose and every single dose afterward, I became deathly ill.
I was puking up nothing but stomach bile, I had diarrhea so bad I was becoming massively dehydrated.
I couldn't drink anything, I couldn't eat anything, the smell of food was making me nauseous and having the diars.
On the night of the 29th around 9pm, I was just so so sick and the boys were so scared, and so was I, I was terrified that I was going to get even worse than I was, so Sebastian called a friend of mine after I couldn't reach another friend, I could barely put 2 words together, and they came and drove me to the hospital.
After some blood and urine tests, and the doctor checked all of the medicines that I take, she said that I am allergic to 2 of the 3 new medicines that I was given, that they were interacting very badly with the meds that I take all of the time, and that they were causing my blood pressure to rise, affecting my thinking, affecting my ability to control my bowels, affecting everything that I did.
I had no motor control of my entire body,
She immediately gave me IV fluids and 2 different shots of stuff to try and get those medicines out of me, she considered pumping my stomach, but it has been hours since I had taken the last dose, and then she gave me something for the pain that I was in.
My stomach was just an absolute wreck from all of the cramping, puking, and the diars, I puked about 4 times in the ER cubicle that I was in, I hate puking in front of other people.
After an hour of IV fluids and medicines being pumped into me, I felt a thousand times better, not perfect, but seriously a thousand times better than I had been when I walked into the ER at Doctors Hospital.
I don't go to Sarasota Memorial any more after what they did to me on June 6th 2008 when I went in for the massive shoulder pain that I was having.
Instead of checking me for that, they ran EKGs and other heart attack tests, and when those came back fine, he gave me a percoset and sent me home.
He never did any xrays or ct scans, and if he had, he would have seen the vertebrae in my neck pinching off my spinal cord which is what caused me to have to have the spine fusion in September 2008.
They never even admitted me to the ER that night, no wrist band ID, no paperwork, no release papers, just here's a percoset, now get out of here.
1 month later, I was in my surgeons office being told that I needed to have another spine fusion or I was going to die.
The ER doc at Doctors Hospital treated me very well, didn't talk down to me, understood everything that was going on, and she truly helped me.
She also said that she faxed over to my pain doc the findings of the medicine that I was taking, that I was allergic to it, and that it was in my chart to call my pain doc in the morning and explain it to him and to tell him to give me something else. She also said that if I don't hear from my pain doc by noon, to call them myself and ask them if they got the fax or the call from Doctors Hospital, and explain it myself if need be and give them the number of the doc who treated me last night.
She gave me 2 new scripts, but I only had enough money to pay for 1 of them because my insurance doesn't cover either of them, so I have to wait to pick up the second one.
That's ok, at least I have one of them, I don't feel as sick, and my stomach is slowly starting to stop cramping up and freaking out.
I just feel so much better knowing that I wasn't going crazy, that I didn't do anything wrong, that it was a medical allergy to the meds.
Now I can add 2 more meds to the list of meds I cannot take.
I am severely allergic to morphine, albuterol, and now clonidine and phenergan.
I was taking the phenergan to help stop the sickness, the puking and diars, and I was taking the clonidine to help me quit smoking.
Now we're going to have to try something else, and hopefully, it won't cause me to be sick too.
I am so sorry that I have not been around for a few days, but what was happening to me was beyond my control, the meds I was taking should have helped me, not hurt me like they did.
I drew the winner of the Jessie Steele apron, and I'm going to post the winner right after this one publishes.
I am very sorry to be posting it late, but life and health gets in the way sometimes.
I have a lot of emails to answer, but I will get to them ASAP.
Later days.
July 28, 2009
not well.
I think the stress of everything has finally caught up with me, I have been very sick for last 2 days.
Doc called in medicine but it makes me very loopy and tired.
3 different meds, all cause drowsiness.
Apron drawing maybe have to be postponed for a bit, not sure how long.
Thanks for understanding.
July 25, 2009
Don't bring home more than your suitcase.
It's all over the news, people are battling bed bug infestations more than ever, and it's not a lot of fun.
When you go on a trip and stay in a hotel, you may run the risk of bringing bed bugs home with you, and like this family in Chicago, it can take a lot of time and money to get rid of the critters.
I was given the opportunity to try out a new product specifically designed to make sure that you don't bring home more than your suitcase.
The product is called Bug Zip, and it's a bed bug encasement system to help make sure you don't bring home the annoying and hard to get rid of bugs.
When you get to the hotel, you place your entire suitcase inside of the bug zip bag to help keep the bed bugs from attaching and staying on and in your suitcase.
They make several different sizes, including drawer liners, so that you can place your clothes inside the dresser at the hotel, but securely sealed up so the bed bugs cannot get in your clothes and then you end up bringing them home with you.
Even though we're not going on our vacation for another month, I tried out one of the bags anyway.
They are made of a really heavy duty plastic that is kind of slippery, which is good, because the bugs cannot climb up the bag and get inside to attach to your clothes.
I noticed that it also helps keep your clothes nice and fresh, like straight from the dryer fresh, once you place all of your clothes inside and zip it shut.
It also keeps pet hair off your clothes.
My cats love to sleep on fresh and warm from the dryer clothes, so I always end up with a ton of cat hair all over them.
Not anymore.
You can use the bug zip bags at home if you have an infestation too.
You just place all of your clean clothes in the bag so any bugs that may be in your home while it's being treated to get rid of them, don't get on your clothes.
I think it's a really great product for people who travel a lot.
I've heard and read too many horror stories in the news about people staying at hotels and then ending up with a massive infestation at home that can take months and months to get rid of.
That's something that I never ever want to deal with, so yeah, even though I'm not sure where we'll be staying yet, if it's a hotel, I'll be bringing the bug zip bags with me.
July 24, 2009
New shower head installed!
I told you about Mark breaking the hand-held shower head last week, right?
Well, I didn't have the money to replace it right away so I had to put the old low-flow shower head back on, it sucks, but at least we could still take showers.
Today Mindy called me up and said that she found a hand-held shower head at Wal-mart for a good price, so she and her husband Chris picked it up for me.
Then after they dropped off their son Jeff at work tonight, they came over and Chris installed it for me.
It's not a Moen faucets shower head, but it's a damn good one with like 4 different spray settings.
I need a hand-held shower head because of my head being stuck the way it is, I have to take it down and use the hand-held to rinse my hair and the rest of my body off, so I totally thank them for picking it up for me, and when i get the money to pay them back which should be this week, I will pay for it.
I do totally appreciate them picking it up though, that old low-flow was totally sucky trying to take a shower with.
July 23, 2009
The Goodlife Recipe pet food product review.
I had been buying the cats a fairly expensive brand of cat food for indoor older cats because Kali is now 12 and wasn't doing so well.
She started gacking (throwing up) up her food all of the time, her nose was always dry, she was lethargic and just not herself.
I took her to the vet and they told me to put her on a better cat food that had better ingredients for indoor cats.
I was buying a cat food that cost $16.99 for a 7lb bag of cat food, and with 4 cats, I was buying 2 bags per month.
She started doing better on this food, but she still didn't seem to have much energy, and her fur still wasn't as shiny and as soft as I knew it could be.
About 5 months ago, I saw a new cat food on the shelves at Publix, so I picked up the bag and a bag of the cat food that I was buying so I could compare ingredients.
The ingredients were almost exactly the same, it had the same concentration of each ingredient, and it actually had some good and wholesome ingredients that the other brand didn't have like whole grain brown rice, real vegetables, and garden greens.
The only other significant difference?
The price.
This new cat food is only $4.99 for a 7lb bag, a savings of $12.00.
Since I have been buying and feeding all 4 of the cats this new cat food, The Goodlife Recipe indoor cat formula for cats, (it is available for dogs too) all 4 of the cats are doing exceptionally well.
Kali is thriving, she no longer gacks up any of her food, her nose is always wet, she has more energy, and her fur is soft and shiny again.
Nova used to always have very coarse fur, even on the other pricier cat food, her fur was dried out, coarse, and she had dandruff.
It was really kind of gross petting her.
Now Nova's fur is soft, shiny, and beautiful, she has no more dandruff at all, and she also no longer wants to eat grass as much.
It used to be when we opened the door, she would stand there and meow until we got her some grass from the yard, she needed to eat fresh green grass to help with her digestion, not anymore, the Goodlife Recipe cat food has all of the fresh greens and vegetables she needs to be able to properly digest her food and not have any stomach upset at all.
Shahiro and Carmine are also doing very well on the Goodlife Recipe cat food.
They are happy, have soft and shiny fur, and have more energy to run around and play.
All 4 of the cats seem to be in better moods too, they are wanting to cuddle and be pet more.
I don't know if that has anything to do with the food, but it's something that I have noticed over the last few months since switching them all to the Goodlife Recipe food.
The Goodlife Recipe indoor cat food is just really a terrific cat food in my opinion, and the price really makes a heckuva difference too.
When you have to buy 2 7lb bags a month, paying a lot for pet food, especially in these tough economic times, you start questioning whether or not you can keep your beloved pets around.
Now that I'm only spending about $10.00 per month instead of $34.00 per month, I know that I can afford to keep my precious kitties with us.
So if you're struggling to keep food in your pets bowl during these hard financial times, check out The Goodlife Recipe pet foods.
They have all of the best ingredients to keep your pets healthy and happy for a fraction of the cost.
Just make sure that if you do switch your pets over, switch them over slowly by mixing the new food in with their old a small amount at a time and gradually increasing the percentage of new food to old until it's all new food in their bowl.
Switching them to a new food without doing it gradually, can make them very sick.
If you want to try out The Goodlife Recipe pet food, you can even print a coupon to get a dollar off, and considering it's already very cheap, saving an extra dollar will make you and your wallet happy.
July 22, 2009
No sleep, sleep, and OCD.
I couldn't sleep on Monday night, and I didn't even get a nap in on Tuesday afternoon because Verizon was here installing the Fios internet.
The guy was here for about 3 hours or so, he had to run some new lines into my house because the lines that were there on the outside of the house, had all been cut by someone.
That's really weird, who would cut the lines every so many feet?
Anyway, by the time he left, I had a massive migraine and was dead exhausted, but I still had to make dinner for the teens before I could get some sleep.
So I made dinner and tried wicked hard to stay awake, but the tiredness was totally winning out.
I went and laid on the couch and set the alarm to wake me up in 2 hours, I just needed to take a quick nap so that I could get back up and do the rest of what I needed to do.
So I slept for 2 hours starting at 7:30pm, woke up at 9:30pm, and then I went and did all of the dishes that I needed to do from dinner, and I picked up the rest of the mess that got made by the Fios guy.
I had to put my coffee table back where it's supposed to be, I had to fix my monitor again, he moved it, ugh, he moved it from it's perfect spot and position, and it took me nearly 20 minutes to set it right again.
OCD is a terrible thing man, it's just very disruptive to my peace and well being to have my things moved around and things got dropped on the floor under my desk, and so yeah, it was kind of hard for me to have him here for 3 hours touching my stuff, moving things, dropping things.
Once I got everything picked up and back in place, finished the dishes, I was ok again, I could relax for the rest of the night.
I went to bed around 2am, which is actually very early for me, I usually don't go to sleep until 5 or 6am, and I slept until around 11am, which is very late for me, I actually got some sleep for a change which was nice.
The teens went to the store and picked up subs for dinner, some eggs so I can finally make the cake that Sebastian has been asking me to make for like a week now, and I talked on the phone to a friend who is dealing with the same stuff I have been dealing with.
Chronic pain, depression, medication and being accused of being a drug addict.
She has been dealing with it for 20 years, her family won't even speak to her, and when they do, it's negative, it's not understanding, it's misinformed about chronic pain and medication to treat that pain.
It was very helpful to talk to her because it helped me see that I am not the only one dealing with this kind of thing, and that no matter how hard it is, no matter how much it hurts to have people think that, that we know the truth, our doctors know the truth, and someday, or maybe even never, other people will learn the truth, they will get educated on chronic pain and medication. They will learn that the meds don't get us "high" or "stoned", that it's impossible for us to get messed up on them due to tolerance after years and years of being on the medication, that we sign contracts with our pain management doctors and if we break those contracts by doing any illegal drugs, that we will be kicked out of their office and blacklisted to all other pain doctors in the state that we live in.
Those contracts will be broken if we do any illegal drugs, and they will know if we do any illegal drugs because they urine test us every single month when we go in for our regular every 30 day appointment.
Our doctors can even call us up for random drug testing if they want to.
They can call us and tell us that we need to be at their office at a certain time that day, and we have to take a urine drug test, and if we test positive for any drugs other than what they prescribe us, that's it, the contract is broken, we get kicked out and blacklisted.
I have passed every single drug test, regular monthly testing and random call-up testing, for as long as I have been seeing pain management doctors, which is now 5+ years.
Someday, I hope, the people who think that I'm doing illegal drugs, will realize that I'm not, that they will get educated about chronic pain and the medication.
Until that day comes though, there is nothing that I can do except to cut the negativity out of my life, keep doing what my doctors tell me to do, and to keep trying to live my life the best way that I can for me and my sons.
Later days.
July 20, 2009
A possible solution.
One of the possible side effects of the antidepressant I am taking is weight gain, and I am not too happy about that possibility at all.
It's also supposed to make me sleepy, but it's not.
Instead of falling asleep or even feeling tired, I end up wide awake and zooming around the house for hours after taking it.
I am really concerned about possibly gaining weight, I don't need to gain any more weight, so I may discuss with my doctor a product that says it can not only help with weight loss, but also help with my sleep issues, it's called Stemulite.
I read over their site, watched the video they have about it, read through the testimonials, watched the testimonials, and those people seem to be having really good results with it, so it may be a solution for both my sleep and weight problems.
July 19, 2009
Cleaning, cooking, and a toothache.
I've spent all afternoon cleaning the house, getting things picked up, doing all of the dishes and laundry, and I just started to cook the dinner.
The whole kitchen is clean, I scrubbed it top to bottom after doing all of the dishes, and the only thing I have left to do in there is sweep and mop the floor.
I'm going to do that after dinner and after washing all of the dinner dishes.
Even though I had already cleaned the bathroom last night, Sebastian decided that it needed to be cleaned again, so he went in and scrubbed the bathroom top to bottom, he even cleaned the tub!
The teens never clean the tub.
Ever.
So that was wicked nice of him to do, because I really hate cleaning the tub.
Mark is going to mow the lawn tomorrow, but today he cleaned up his room, picked everything up off of the floor so that I can just go in and sweep and then mop it later on when I do the rest of the floors.
The only room that I have left to do is the living room.
I need to pick everything up, dust everything off, polish the coffee tables, they haven't been cleaned really good in a long time and it shows, so I definitely need to do those.
I also need to Windex the tv screen, my computer monitor, and the teens tv and monitor, and the bathroom mirror.
I just want to get the whole house clean, it hasn't been really cleaned in a long time due to how I was feeling, having a dirty house really didn't bother me too much, I wasn't caring about it to be honest.
I spent most of my time either laying in bed, laying on the couch, or surfing blindly around the internet. I just wasn't giving a crap about much of anything.
Maybe the antidepressants are starting to work after just 5 days, because I feel like taking care of the house again, so maybe they are working.
___________________________
Tomorrow, I need to call around and see if I can find a dentist or an oral surgeon to take care of my tooth, and hopefully my cheap health insurance will cover it.
I think that medicare will cover part of it, and then maybe Humana will cover part of it too.
I know that Humana covers some things for me other than just prescriptions, so I should just call them and ask if dental is covered, and if they know of an oral surgeon who can work with me and my non-moving head.
If my insurance won't cover it, then I'll need to find one who can yank it for cheap because it's really starting to hurt pretty bad. It's loose now, too, instead of just having a hole in it, it's now also loose, so eating is interesting.
When I chew on anything, even trying to chew on the left side of my mouth, the tooth wiggles, and it's painful.
Gah.
Must get it out.
Soon.
____________________________________
I have a whole cut-up chicken cooking in the NuWave right now, it's almost done!
I baked them for 30 minutes, they were cooked all of the way through, and I just poured some super yummy Sweet Baby Ray's bbq sauce over each piece, and the twice baked potatoes are almost done too.
I made a super yummy Sunday night dinner for us, and then after dinner, I'll finish the cleaning that I started.
We've had a really good day here, nice, quiet, happy.
July 17, 2009
Doing it on our own.
It doesn't matter anymore that plane tickets were bought for my sons without my consent, things got even uglier around here, so so much worse.
The tickets have been taken away from the teens, and it was said that it was all my fault.
The boys were told that they were going, they were so excited to be going, it has been over 2 years (February 2007) since they last saw their grandparents, Ninny, Pop-pop, Great-Gram, and their Aunt Heather, they were very excited and looking forward to be able to see them all.
I was angry that the tickets were bought without my permission, I wrote that post on the night that I found out about the tickets, my emotions were reeling, I was really upset that I wasn't asked, that the plan was to keep it a secret for awhile, "until I calmed down and got over it and myself", but I did say that the boys could go, I said that they could go in that post, I agreed that they should go and they need a vacation, they need to go and be with their grandparents for a week or so.
It was discussed and agreed upon with no arguing or other problems, that they would be able to go and spend 3 days with their Great-Gram and Aunt Heather, they do need to see their family on their father's side of the family too.
Great-Gram and Aunt Heather have been a part of their lives since they were born, they love and miss them, and vice versa.
But the tickets have been taken away, they were canceled.
I apologized, I said that I was sorry about 15 times for the post I wrote, I begged for the teens to be allowed to go, and nope, just more of the same.
They were told this by way of private messaging on their video game.
They were told they weren't going and it was all my fault, that I am a crazy and irrational person with mental problems, while they were playing WoW.
Don't.
Even.
Get.
Me.
Started.
On.
That.
Just don't.
There is simply no excuse, no reason, and totally unacceptable that the teens were told they weren't going to Maine over the World of Warcraft message service while they were playing the game.
I admit that I have some problems right now, I haven't ever denied it, I've been posting all along on this blog and on KatScan, that I was feeling sad and depressed, I even posted that I knew that my body was physically addicted to the pain meds, but I am working on my issues with my doctor now, he's going to fix my pain meds next month by either upping the dose or changing me to something that will work better and for longer, I am now taking an antidepressant every single night, and I'm seeing a counselor every week now.
It took some time to get some help, but I have known all along what was happening to me, I just couldn't get the help I needed until now.
I'm sorry, so incredibly sorry that it took so long to get the help that I needed, but I knew what the problem was, and I knew what I needed, I took the steps to get the help that I needed, and I am getting help now.
The boys are extremely upset, Mark is absolutely furious, and Sebastian has cried for hours now, he feels like he's being punished and no one loves him, so I am going to do whatever it takes to get the boys to Maine to visit their grandparents and their aunt.
I have to do it, the boys are just so upset, they had their hopes up, they were excited, and it all came crashing down, I have to get them there.
I found the absolute cheapest flight from SmartFares for the only dates that we can do before Sebastian starts school again on August 24th.
I have to see my doctor on August 14th at 2pm, this is with my doctor, so I have to go to that appointment, and Mark's 18th birthday is on Saturday August 15th, and that is the day that we would be flying out, and we could stay until Saturday August 22nd.
I found some really low rates though, and I am pretty sure that I can pull this off.
Click for bigger for the itinerary and price.
It comes out to $170.23 per person, and then with taxes, fees, insurance, and I even found one that gave us a $10 discount per person, it comes out to a total of $734.43 to fly with Jet Blue, for 8 days.
We could spend about 3.5 days with each side of the family.
It's from Tampa to Portland Maine, and we wouldn't be leaving here until 7pm, so we wouldn't get to Maine until midnight, with a stop at JFK on the way up.
It sucks to get there so late at night, but I needed a cheap flight.
The way back kinda sucks too, we'd be leaving Maine at 6am and get to Tampa at 11am, with 1 stop at Reagan National in DC.
Those take-off and landing times kinda suck, but again, I need cheap.
I will have a $500 payment the first week of August that I can use toward the tickets, and I will just have to save and use up all of my pay from now until a little before we need to go, and hope that we can get the same prices.
I can't buy the tickets now, I don't have a credit card, I only have debit cards that can be used as credit cards, but only if you actually have the amount of purchase on your card at the time of purchase.
I have a loan that I need to pay off first, but I can do this, I can just work really super hard to come up with this money, I'm even going to have a yard sale in a few weeks and see how much I can make from that to put toward this trip too.
This is something that I have to do, the boys really need this trip, they need to see all of their grandparents, cuz let's face it, none of them are getting any younger.
My parents are in their 70's, and Great-Gram is in her 80's, so yeah, I need to get the boys up there to see all of their grandparents as soon as I can.
Every time that I talk to Heather, she tells me that Great-Gram is doing less and less, and that she doesn't leave the house to do things much anymore.
Great-Gram used to do a lot of stuff for someone her age.
She used to go to church every Sunday, she used to deliver meals on wheels 3 days a week, she volunteered at the senior center serving meals and helping other seniors a few days a week, and would drive herself all over the place running her errands and doing her shopping.
Now she tells Heather how tired she is all of the time, Heather is now the one driving Great-Gram to make her errands and do her shopping, and Heather has told me that if I can somehow get the boys up to see her, it would probably be a good thing to do it as soon as possible.
So yeah, I am going to use that payment that I get the first week of August and any pay I make from working, any money that I might make from the yard sale, and if I get any child support between now and then, I'll use that money too.
I'll pay off that loan that I have first, but then all the rest of any money that I get, will go toward this trip.
If I end up not making the full amount plus about another $200 to have to spend to feed the boys at the 2 airports on our layovers, and a little spending money for them while we are there, I will only buy 2 tickets and send the boys by themselves.
So tickets for the 3 of us are $734.43, plus I'll need about $200 for spending money, so the total that I need is $934.43.
I will have $500 of it the first week of August, so I need a total of $434.43.
I CAN do this, I can, I have to do this, the boys need to go visit all of their grandparents, and they were so upset to be told that they are not going and the tickets got canceled, so this is something that I have to do for them.
I can't stand seeing my sons so upset, I hate seeing them cry and be hurt like this, so I am going to do this for them.
It's going to be tough, money is tight right at the minute, but it is getting better, I have more work this week than I have had over the last month or so, and I am going to have that yard sale, so I am pretty sure that I can pull this off, and like I said, if I can't get enough for all 3 of us, I will just send the boys.
This is going to work.
I will make it work.
July 16, 2009
Went well, now, if everything else could be ok.
The appointment with the counselor went well, we talked for about an hour, went over what brought me there in the first place, and talked about what I'd like to get out of this whole counseling thing.
I told her that I just want to be ok, that I need to get all of the guilt that eats at me every single day for the last 10+ years, out of me, that I need to talk about my pain, what it's like living like this, how it affects me, and how to deal with other people who don't get it.
People think that I should just be ok, just snap out of it, get over it, but it's not that easy to do.
It's one of those easier said than done things.
I had my hopes up that this would get fixed, now it's not getting fixed, so I need to deal with that, accept it all, and then I can move on with whatever the rest of my life is going to be.
I know that I am lucky to be alive, that things could be so much worse, I could be paralyzed, I could be dead.
Well, if I was dead, then at least I'd be dead and not giving a shit anymore because I believe when you die, that's it, you're dead, no restless soul and all of that crap.
If I was dead, yeah, my sons would miss me, my friends would miss me, my parents would miss me, but I know that everyone would also be letting this giant collective sigh of relief out, they'd all be able to stop worrying so much, they'd all be able to move on with their lives, not be stuck caring about and for me, the pressure would be gone.
I hate the way my life is, and I know that other people hate the way my life is, it's so overwhelming at times to have to deal with all of this, so yeah, one big huge sigh of relief.
And no, I'm NOT thinking about doing anything to bring on my own death, I am simply talking about how I feel.
I have absolutely no thoughts of killing myself, so please, no more of that suicide talk crap, I am not going to do anything to myself.
I also know that it could be worse and that there are people who do have it much worse, but I'm still in the beginning stages here, I'm still dealing with it, trying to deal with it, and it's just going to take me some time to get to that point of acceptance and moving on.
It would help so much if I didn't have to deal with other people's perceptions, other people's issues with it, that makes it so much harder.
I feel like no matter what I do right now, the exact opposite of that is going to be what I should have done.
Damned if I do, damned if I don't.
If I say sorry, and I still don't know what I should be saying sorry for other than for being super angry over the things that were done and said, I'm still going to be looked at at treated like crap because then they can point their fingers and say "See?! See?! I told you she was an irrational lying drug addict! I was right!"
If I say thank you for the "help" I was given, I'm still going to be looked at and treated like crap because then they can point their fingers and say "See?! See?! I told you she was an irrational lying drug addict! I was right!"
I just don't know what to do or how to do it.
Mark says that I should just do nothing right now, that I should just let things cool down for however long it takes, that I am helpless to stop the craziness that is happening.
Sebastian on the other hand, wants me to start fighting back, to start doing what is being done to me.
I can't do that though, I am not like that, I don't play those kinds of games.
Even though I don't play those games, I'm being forced to sit at the table with the board and dice in front me, and when it's my turn, the other people are rolling the dice again, taking a double turn, making the game completely unfair.
I think what I'll do is take Mark's advice for now, I'm going to do nothing, I'm going to just let whatever happens, happen, give other people time to cool down and do whatever it is that they feel they need to do no matter how many others get hurt in the process of trying to hurt me.
I cannot stop the games or the lying that is being done now.
I will not stoop to the level of lying to make anyone else look bad.
I am not doing anything to hurt anyone else, I will not lie to hurt someone, and I will not betray anything that has been said to me in confidence.
When I make a promise to friend or family to keep things between me and that person, that is what I do.
Just because I am angry does not give me free reign to break that confidence, it does not give me free reign to tell lies to hurt someone else.
July 16, 2009
Good thing I see the counselor today.
More crap is taking place, and I'm not even sure what to do about it all.
Things were said which were totally untrue, hurt was caused to my sons, just so much more crap and I still have not done anything to anyone else.
I could be so mean and retaliate in a big way for all that has been happening and continues to happen, but I don't.
I don't go around intentionally hurting the people that I claim to love.
What has happened now just hurts everyone else, it's mean and cruel.
I don't know if I'm expected to apologize for all of this, but I don't think that I should, and my sons don't think I should either.
They are here with me watching all of this unfold and they know that I am not doing anything to anyone, I'm not hurting or trying to hurt anyone, all I'm doing is trying to heal myself, trying to do right, and others continue to take aim at me and cause hurt and pain.
I talked to my friend Shell last night and she cleared up one of the big lies that happened.
I never in a million years would have done something like what was done, because it hurts others.
Really kind of glad I'll be seeing a counselor, there's so much to talk about, so many issues to go over, things to try to make right with my sons and myself.
And that's what I'm going to do.
I'm going to focus on my family, get what we need, and try to make things ok.
July 14, 2009
A really full plate.
I have a lot on my plate right now and I'm going to do my very best to update everyone on what is going on, what happened, and how I am doing.
I went to my pain doctor's appointment today, I did not get to see him, I saw his physician's assistant, so my medication did not get upped today, only he can do that.
Apparently the nurse that I spoke to 3 and a half weeks ago, did not relay the message that I needed to see him and speak with him.
So I told the PA everything, everything that has been going on, everything that happened last week, and how I'm doing.
She confirmed for me again, that because I was having surgery on June 29th, that they could not change the medication or increase it for the last 3 months because of the scheduled surgery, because it was all going to change after the surgery, so they had to leave me at those medications and amounts, by law.
Here in the state of Florida, you can only see a pain manager once every 30 days by law.
It does not matter if you run out, lose them, or have them stolen, even if you have a police report, the law says that you can only see your pain doctor once every 30 days, and medications cannot be replaced or changed until the 30 days have passed.
Today was only the 4th time I have seen this pain doctor, (I was switched from 1 pain doc to another because my 1st pain doc was a rehab specialist, and I am long term pain care) the previous 3 visits were all when I was on schedule for surgery, so none of my medications could be changed or increased because I was scheduled for that surgery.
I explained to his PA all that has been going on, that I have been in horrible pain while waiting for the surgery, the medication wasn't helping me as well anymore, I was having to double up on bad and rainy days, I was running out because of that, and even though they knew all of this at the previous 3 appointments, there was nothing they could do to help me because I was scheduled for surgery and the law.
I told her that I was doing what I had to do to survive during those times that I ran out, I smoked, I took excessive amounts of Tylenol, and friends taking the same medication as I do, would give me some of theirs.
The PA did not get mad, did not judge, and did not get upset.
Instead, she completely understood.
I explained all that had happened this past week and on the morning on June 29th.
I woke up on the morning of June 29th, realized that I should have been in surgery and wasn't.
It suddenly hit me, hit me like a ton of bricks to the side of my head, that I was stuck this way even though the surgery got completely canceled June 10th-12th, on the morning of the surgery that I was not having, it hit me that I was going to be stuck this way.
Possibly for the rest of my life if they can't ever figure out a way to help me.
I had posted on June 13th that I was sinking further into depression, I knew what was happening to me.
I called my pain doctor a day or 2 later, and said that I would be needing a July appointment because the surgery was canceled and because I was becoming severely depressed.
I would find myself crying at random times, not outright bawling, but just crying, I knew the depression was getting worse, I had called and asked for help, but because of the law, I could NOT go see my doctor and get help, I had to wait until my appointment today.
Everything exploded last Tuesday.
It was the day of Michael Jackson's memorial, I woke up extremely sad, my depression was getting so much worse, but I had a week to go before I could see my doctor, and I was trying so hard to keep it together.
There was nothing else on tv, the memorial was on pretty much every channel, everyone on the net was watching it, everyone on Twitter was doing a play by play of it, and here I was, severely depressed, laying on the couch, watching it and crying like a baby.
The teens kept coming and asking me if I was ok, I couldn't even put into words what was wrong with me, I just told them that I was very sad.
The teens got scared and worried, they called my sister, they needed a break from all of this.
10+ years of watching me be in pain, dealing with me and my pain, the surgeries, and now watching me be really depressed, they didn't know how to help me and they were scared, they needed a break.
And I don't blame them one single little bit.
So my sister picked them up, said they were going to dinner, they'd be back in a few hours.
When they came back, Mark came in and told me that I either went to rehab to get off all of the pain medications, willingly go with them right now, or I would be marksman acted.
I'm sure he meant Baker acted, or maybe he meant marksman acted, I don't know, he's a teen, doesn't understand the terms he was told to say to me, but basically, I either went with them right now to a rehab willingly, or I'd be locked up against my will for a mental health evaluation.
I posted on the night of the 7th, that I'd be going to the hospital, and then I posted I wouldn't be going.
Mark is the one who said this to me, phone calls were made, people were told that I was a drug addict and suicidal, and needed help immediately, but I refused to go, I told my son that I knew I was depressed but I had already made plans to get help, I was on top of the situation the best that I could be according to the laws, but no, I would not go, and if people insisted, that they'd have to get the cops and drag me out of my home in a straight jacket, I was not going to go willingly, go right ahead and Baker act me.
My sister took my sons to her house that night and did not bring them back.
Mark came home on Sunday night, and Sebastian came home last night, Monday.
The only reason that they came home is because I went and saw the counselors at Coastal, I went to the rehab and spoke to someone, because "I agreed to get help for my addiction."
I spoke to the counselor and they said that my medication did not need to be stopped, it needed to be increased, that they would work with my doctor to get it increased, to help get me on an antidepressant, and to provide counseling for me so I would have someone who understood all that I was dealing with to talk to.
I will be seeing the counselor Thursday at 1pm, and from there we will schedule weekly appointments so that I can unload all of the years of guilt that I have, talk about my pain, my emotions, and all of the anger that I carry with me, and believe me, I am furious.
From there I saw a doctor on Saturday, another person that I've told everything to, who did not judge me, get angry, or treat me like I was some nasty junkie off of the street, they listened and understood, and that is all that I wanted, all that I needed, and I got that understanding and compassion from complete strangers, but strangers with medical backgrounds who know the laws regarding pain medication and appointments once every 30 days.
I've had some of the best friends through all of this too, stand beside me, understand, and help me.
Shell, (she's terrible at updating her blog, I love her anyway though) my lifelong best friend from back home in Maine, offered to send her 18 year old daughter here to stay with me for 2 weeks, to help me, go grocery shopping, help clean the house, and give me someone to talk to, someone to do all of the things that need to be done, and to help take the pressure off of the teens.
Her daughter Jamie is the daughter I never had, she's my "moose baby", and she's been calling me Aunty Kat since she could speak, and she offered to come here and help me and Shell was going to fly her down here to be with me for like 2 weeks until she could get here herself.
Shell is planning to fly down here and stay with me for as many days as she can in a few weeks.
I cannot wait to see her, I need my best friend so much, I need her to be with me, this has been one of the hardest and worst things that I have ever had to deal with, and I need my best friend here.
I can't wait until she can come down.
Mindy has also been by my side, calling me, taking me to the hospital on Saturday, to the grocery store on Sunday so that I could buy food for when the teens came home, and to my appointment today.
She has been extremely supportive, just lending me her ear so I could vent, get all of this craziness out of me, because what happened is totally crazy.
She has been so awesome and I thank her so much for being here with me, I needed someone physically here, it was so lonely here without my sons.
I've also had all of you, my dear friends and readers, some of you have been long time readers, and some of you new readers, but ALL of you have been so supportive and encouraging through all of this, you all "listened" to me, supported me, encouraged me, and that's all that I needed and wanted, to be listened to and understood.
Today's appointment didn't go perfectly, my medication amounts did not get increased, they did not change, but I did get an antidepressant, I have to take it once a day at bedtime because it causes drowsiness, which is fine with me, I rarely ever sleep anymore, so being forced to sleep is a great thing.
At my next appointment next month, August 14th at 2pm, I will get to see the actual doctor and he will be able to change or increase my medication.
I have to just hang in there for 30 more days, but the PA said that the antidepressant will help, it will start to work in about 1 week or so, and once I'm feeling better emotionally, I'll probably start feeling better physically, but the doctor will change or increase my pain medication next month, and he will work with the counselor at Coastal to help me.
I'll have the next 30 days to have weekly appointments with the counselor to talk, to start dealing with all of issues that I am dealing with, the pain, the anger, the frustration, everything, and so by the next appointment, my doctor will be better able to understand what's going on so that he can help me better.
I have given the counselor my full permission to disclose anything from our talks with my pain doctor and vice-versa.
I also need to find a dental specialist to help me.
I have a wisdom tooth that has come through and is pushing into another molar big time, and last night, the wisdom tooth cracked in half from all of the pressure.
I bought some Dentemp to fill the hole, it's extremely painful.
I need to find a dentist or oral surgeon who can help me get it out because my jaw no longer opens wide, I can't open my mouth up wide, I can't tilt my head all of the way back, so I need an oral surgeon who can work with physical special needs patients so this wisdom tooth can get taken out.
For now the Dentemp will help, the hole is filled so at least now I can eat without all of the pain that I have been dealing with the last 2 weeks as it pushed through and into the molar in front of it, and now it's broken in half, a huge piece fell out last night, so yeah, quite a painful issue.
I am also really angry about a few other things, one of which being the plan to take the teens to Maine at the end of the month for 10 days.
Plane tickets were bought without my consent, the plans were made without my consent.
I am their legal guardian, I have 100% full custody of them, they legally cannot leave this state without my written consent, they are minors in my custody.
Mark does not turn 18 until August 15th, and Sebastian is only 16, they are minors, they cannot leave this state with anyone but me unless I give written and notarized consent for them to go.
It's bad enough that my sons were taken from me all week long and not returned unless I agreed to go to a rehab counselor, but now I have learned that plane tickets were bought and plans were made without ever even asking me, because I am an "irrational drug addict who is not in her right mind", that I'll lie to anyone who asks me what is going on.
I was nagged for 2 days straight to go to that rehab, no one would listen to what I was saying about the laws, about my doctor, about my medications, about how I was feeling, people just assumed I was a lying drug addict, so people decided to make plans to take my kids to Maine for 10 days at the end of the month.
I will not stop them from going, my parents already know that the teens are coming, my parents are excited, the teens are excited, my parents want to give them hugs and tell them it will all be ok.
We have not had the money to go to Maine for a visit since February 2007, so it would be totally wrong of me to stop them from going, it would be mean and vindictive of me to say no, to not give my consent, so I will let them go, but the plan makers can pay for all of the legal papers required in order for me to give my written consent.
The teens want to go visit their grandparents, go sit out on the back porch patio furniture with them, have some of my mom's homemade chicken noodle soup, some of her other homemade goodies, and they also want to go visit Great-Gram and Aunty Heather, and they will be allowed to or else they will not be allowed to go to Maine.
Yes, I will stop this "vacation" from happening if anyone says that the teens cannot go visit with their Great-Gram and Aunty Heather at some point during the 10 days they are scheduled to be there.
Aunt Heather will be more than happy to drive down to my parents house and pick them up, and they can spend 2-3 days with Great-Gram and Aunt Heather, and if anyone says that they can't visit with them, then they will not be allowed to go.
That is the only stipulation that I have regarding this trip to Maine that no one discussed with me.
I have discussed it with someone else though, and the fact that plane tickets were bought and the plans were made without asking for my permission, without getting my consent, this trip amounts to conspiracy to commit felony kidnapping in the 1st degree.
That's right, legally, because I have full custody of the teens and was not asked for my permission, these plans are considered conspiracy to commit kidnapping.
No one thought of that huh?
No one was going to tell me this either until a few days before they were supposed to leave, basically, the teens were just going to be taken to the airport without ever asking me until a couple of days before they were supposed to go.
I got news for the plan makers though, because they are minors, the legal guardian, me, has always had to show ID and the teens ID, at airport security every single time that we flew, and the teens always had to answer a couple of questions.
Those questions were, "Is this your mother?" and "Are you boarding this plane with her willingly?"
And like I said, I always have had to show my ID and their school IDs, and at 2 separate airports, I had to show their social security cards as well as their IDs just to show more evidence that they were my children I was flying with, the security and safety of minors flying got a bit more strict after homeland security got involved.
I'd like to know how the plan makers thought they would get through airport security without me being there or a notarized written letter of consent from me, or their IDs, or their social security cards, to prove that the teens had permission to fly with the person taking them out of state.
People can say whatever they want about me, about this situation, but they are wrong, and if they don't believe me, I'll get a copy of the pain management contract that I signed with my doctor, so they can see for themselves the laws regarding why I had to wait so long to get help for my pain and depression, but making plans to take my sons out of state without my permission crossed the line.
I will let them go, but I am absolutely furious that these plans were made without ever consulting or asking me, I am their legal guardian, their mother, I have full custody, and I swear, if anyone ever tried to take my kids out of state without my permission, I would not hesitate for a moment to get the police involved and press charges for attempted kidnapping, I don't care who that person is.
I feel completely betrayed, and I am absolutely beyond furious, my anger is so strong, I would probably physically attack anyone who ever tried to take my sons from me again.
You want to tell people that I'm irrational?
Try to take my kids from me without my consent, then you'll see irrational.
July 14, 2009
Update coming after dinner.
After we get done with dinner tonight, I will come back here and do an update, let you all know how things are going, as they stand today.
I did go see my pain doctor, talked about everything, the pain meds, the depression, all of what's been happening and happened last week, so I will update you all on that stuff.
Both the teens are home, we've done a lot of talking, I'll let you know how all of that is going too.
I finally got some decent sleep even though it took awhile to fall asleep.
Good thing that I charged up my Mp3 players battery and added some new songs, because it took forever to fall asleep, so I laid there listening to music until I did, but once I did, it was good.
I'll be back with a major update after I get done eating.
July 12, 2009
Can't sleep, not a new problem.
I laid down, tried to sleep, even switched my sleeping location a few times, nope, no sleep for me yet.
So I laid on the couch for like 3 hours just clicking through channels, tons of late night infomercials for all kinds of things, one of the newest is some kind of add-on auto insurance that you can get that will cover the cost of car repairs.
The Magic Bullet Blender infomercial was on no less than 3 channels, and it now comes with an actual blender and a juicer! All for just $99.99! W00t!
The Jack LaLanne Power Juicer commercial cracks me up.
They say it's whisper quiet as they are yelling over the sound of the damn thing. ha ha
I love the lady on the GT Express infomercial, Cathy Mitchell.
That woman can cook just about anything in that little machine, and she's just too damn happy while doing it.
I love how she practically shoves the food in the guy's mouth while it's scalding hot and it's burning the crap outta his mouth. ha ha
I just get such a kick out of all of the infomercials.
You can tell that some of them are total crap, but there are some that really work, like the NuWave Oven Pro, it really works, I can totally vouch for that one, I own it and it's awesome.
I just wish there was other stuff on really late at night that I could watch, I get bored when I can't sleep.
July 11, 2009
Againg rapidly.
This whole thing is so much, it's so hard on me, I swear I've found at least 30 new gray hairs tonight over all of this.
All of this stress and crying is making me age rapidly, and it can't be good for my skin.
I know that crying is good, it lets out all of the pain and suffering that I've held inside of me for several years now, but man, I'm going to need the best wrinkle cream available pretty soon.
All the crying is showing on my face, especially around my eyes.
My whole face is all puffy and red, my eyes look awful, I look like I've been punched in both of my eyes, they are all red and swollen, and my crows feet are really standing out tonight.
Mark emailed me again, said he wants to call and talk to me tomorrow if it's ok with with me, didn't say about what, he just wants to talk.
He also said that it was good that I saw a doctor and that I'll be ok soon with the help of the doctors and counselor.
I emailed him right back and told him of course he can call and talk to me, he can call me anytime and talk to me whenever he wants, and I would love them to come home soon, I really would.
I am just so afraid of hurting them again, I really just don't want to hurt them again.
I don't want all of my emotions to come pouring out in front of them again and hurt them even more.
This is so hard.
July 11, 2009
Still home alone.
The boys still aren't home, I don't know when or if they will be back home anytime soon.
It's so very quiet here now, and time is moving so slowly.
I went and saw a doctor earlier this afternoon, I was in far too much pain to deal with, my lower back keeps having spasms, I was feeling sick, and having massive panic attacks all night long, so I called my friend Mindy to take me.
She stayed with me the whole time too, which was really nice, I had someone to talk to, as I said, I've been home alone for days now.
I feel like one of those cutout cardboard displays, flat, lifeless.
I'm just not ok.
I want to be ok, I want to feel happy and alive again, but I'm struggling so hard with all of this, it's too much at times and I begin to panic.
I feel like my heart is exploding, I was awake all night with pain and worry, sadness, fear, and it all just is too much to take.
I keep saying how crazy this all is, because it is crazy, it's just unreal what's happening.
Once people actually listen to me, what I have to say about what's going on with me, they get it, they understand that I'm dealing with a lot of stress and a lot of issues, and they wish they could help, but no one really can, this is all stuff that I have to work out on my own and with the new counselor I'll be seeing this coming Thursday.
I have years of pent up anger, frustration, guilt, it's all just built up inside of me screaming to get out, begging to get out, hoping that someone will understand.
The doctor I saw today understood, at least she appeared to, no judging, no shame on you, just wow, that's a lot of titanium, pain, and stress, no wonder that you're hurting and panicking.
It will be so nice to have someone to talk to, someone on the outside of all of this, who will listen to me and help me work through all of the issues that I have.
Mark emailed me late this afternoon, said that he loved and missed me, said he hopes I'm doing ok.
I emailed him right back, told him how much I LOVE and miss him too, how sorry I am for everything, told him about seeing a doctor today, about going to see a counselor to talk who will also work with my doctors so I can begin trying to fix all of this.
I miss them so much, it's so quiet here without them, there's no bickering going on, no beeping video games, just silence.
I am just so so sorry for everything I have put them through all these past years, I so wish it could have been different, I never wanted it to be like this, I hate this so much.
I want them to come home so bad but I'm afraid of any more hurt happening, I don't want them to be hurt anymore.
I'm just so lost right now.
Lost, confused, hurt, sad, angry, all kinds of emotions are happening, and I don't want what's happening with me to affect them anymore than it already has, I'm afraid of hurting them again, I love them too much.
It's so super quiet here, I can't stand it, so I think I'll re-watch the 3rd and 4th discs of True Blood
I wasn't really paying attention the other night when I watched them, I was too upset, so I'll re-watch them and try to relax for the night.
I really need to just relax, to try and get some rest.
July 9, 2009
Up not cut.
It was a very long, very quiet ride out there, I am still angry and hurt, tired of talking to people who refuse to listen, and so it was a very uncomfortable ride.
We got there and they had me fill out a bunch of paperwork, some were of the typical medical questions, but this is a drug rehab treatment center, they do in house and outpatient programs, and so 3 pages of questions that are so so not me and my situation, were horribly degrading to even have to answer.
Things like do I use needles for drugs, share needles, have I ever had sex for money or drugs, sex with an at risk person for money or drugs, just a lot of really horrible things that I have never, would never do.
I understand though that there are addicts out there who do those things, but none of it applies to me, not even in the slightest, so it was very hard to sit there and answer those questions without wanting to scream.
They called my name and I went in and spoke with the counselor/therapist, whatever they are called, and it went much better than I expected.
She still gave me the higher power speech, but once I told her that I was an atheist and refused to rely on any type of imaginary power to help me, she dropped the subject.
I told her everything that has been going on, about all of the surgeries, how much titanium is inside of me, what the original plan was, and where I'm at now that the surgery is canceled.
She listened, she just straight up listened.
She asked me a few questions here and there, like what are my meds, how often, do they work etc, and I told her everything that I am prescribed to take, how often I am supposed to take it, and that yes, I have had to double up on bad days and rainy days, and she said to me that my meds don't need to be cut, not at all, instead, they need to be upped.
She said if I'm having to double up, then they obviously aren't working as well anymore, and they need to be upped or something else needs to be tried, but stopping the medication for me and my situation was simply not even an option on the table, and she said it was ridiculous if anyone thought otherwise.
We talked about my pain manager doctor, I told her that this coming appointment will be exactly the 4th time I am seeing him, (I was switched from 1 pain doc to another because my 1st pain doc was a rehab specialist, and I am long term pain care) and he knows none of what is going on other than the surgery was canceled.
When I started seeing him, we were a go for surgery, so he kept me at the pain med doses I was at because I was going to be having another surgery.
By law, you can only see a pain manager once every 30 days no matter what.
It doesn't matter if you run out, lose them, or somebody steals them, the law is the law, so even if I called him up and told him what was going on, by law, I still cannot go in and see him, so I've had to deal with the cancellation of my surgery and the depression on my own since June 10th -12th when the surgery was canceled, it's been exactly 3 and a half weeks since the cancellation and my last appointment with him which was before the surgery was canceled.
When it got canceled, I had to call his office and tell them that I would be needing a July appointment after all, (surgery was scheduled for June 29th) so they scheduled me for 4 weeks out, which is July 14th.
He cannot see me any sooner by law, so yeah, all of this has been on my shoulders to try and cope with.
I told her that as soon as I saw myself starting to feel really bad, get really depressed, that I called his office and asked for extra time with him at that appointment because I need to speak with him about my meds and the depression, so they booked me for a longer appointment.
I was already on top of what needed to be done, I had the ball rolling, so all of this, yeah, just not good, it just added to the pile of crap I was already feeling and trying so hard to deal with.
She said that our plan of action was actually pretty simple, I would start going there once a week and talking with the therapist, they would work with me and my pain doc to increase my meds, put me on an antidepressant that will work with the meds that I take, and just have an hour a week to talk to someone who will just sit and listen to how I feel.
No one will be judging me, putting me down, telling me what I should or shouldn't be doing, and she said that given my circumstances, it's pretty amazing that I didn't fall apart much sooner.
She didn't judge me for anything, for any of the mistakes I've made over these years, she said that no one else will ever know what my life is like, but if people don't walk a mile in my shoes, they really have no place to judge.
It was so nice to hear that, to have someone at least try to understand how I feel and to not judge me for this screwed up life that I live but never asked for.
Quite a few people have come forward and offered their support, their friendship, and their understanding in all of this, and I thank all of you so much for that, I really needed that.
No, they don't know what it's like, but they didn't judge me either, they know that this situation isn't something I asked for, they know I hate it, and they know how bad I wish it wasn't like this, but they simply offered their support, their friendship, and a hug to let me know that I'm not fighting this alone.
All I needed was to be heard, to be listened to, for someone, anyone, to just shut up and listen to what was going on, what the plan in place was, and to just try and be patient while I worked through this with the help of my doctor who has to follow the laws.
I feel a lot better knowing that once a week I can go talk to someone who has a medical background, who deals with this stuff on a daily basis, who will listen to me, help me in any way that they can, who will not judge me, and help me work through all of the guilt, which honestly, I shouldn't be carrying alone.
There were people who promised to help after the surgeries, promised to take care of the teens, help me once I came home, and they never did, so the teens had to help me, they had to do it all because those promises got broken.
I needed the help, the teens should have never had to do so much, but they did, so I carry all of that guilt around with me all of the time, and it kills me inside to hear my sons tell me that these past years have sucked so much for them and it wasn't fair that they had to do it all, and they hate me for it.
I know that, I so so know that, and no, it wasn't fair, but what was I supposed to do?!
I had no one, the people who promised to help didn't, I didn't have anyone else, the teens didn't have anyone else, it was all on us to deal with, and I am so so so sorry that they had to do it all, so sorry.
I am so sorry.
I really wish it could have been different, I tried, I planned, people promised, I should have found others to help but I trusted that those promises would be kept, and when they didn't, it wasn't fair, and I am so so sorry, you have no idea how sorry I am that the teens had to do it all, just so so sorry.
The teens aren't home and won't be coming home for a few more days, and that's ok.
It's giving them time away from all of this, it's giving me time alone, a huge break from having to try and hold it together, I can just be alone and cry as I need to without people freaking out and thinking I'm going to do something stupi
