December 16, 2011

Secret Santa's are the awesome.

I received a phone call yesterday from the grandmother of one of Mark's friends.
She knows that things have been really super tight for us for quite a long time now, and seeing as she's part of a lot of local organizations, she mentioned our stressful money situation to the group of people doing Secret Santa for people in need in our community.
One of the people, a man, offered to pay our rent for the month of January.
All $755.00 of it.
When she told me this yesterday, I just about dropped, and started crying my eyes out.
It's truly an amazing gift, I'm blown away by this Secret Santa's generosity to help a family he doesn't even know, and he doesn't want to be known, he really wants to remain a "Secret Santa".
I can totally respect that, I'd love to personally say thank you, but I respect his decision to remain anonymous.
Then the grandmother called me again just a little while ago, and asked that I get a Christmas card, and say something like;

"Dear Secret Santa,

I wanted to say thank you, whoever you are, for helping me and my sons this Christmas by paying our January rent.
Even though it's only December 16th, I was already stressed out and worried about paying January's rent.
With the small amount of disability that I receive every month, and the small amounts of money that I earn online doing freelance article writing, I'm always stressed out and worried about paying my rent and bills every single month.
I pay the current month's rent, and the very next day, I immediately start stressing about the next month's rent and bills.
So thank you, thank you so, so very much for taking a huge weight off of my shoulders.
You have absolutely no idea how much your generosity really means to me, but I want you to know that it means a very great deal to me. It means that for the month of January, I don't have to skip paying the electric or phone bill so that I can pay the rent in full, it means that all of my bills will get paid in full for the month of January, and that is a huge deal to me.
Dearest Secret Santa, thank you so very much for helping me and my sons this Christmas by paying our January rent. Now we can truly have a nice Christmas without me being stressed out and worried over paying the next month's rent and bills.

I hope that YOU and your family have an absolutely wonderful and joyous Christmas, because you've given me and my sons an absolutely wonderful and joyous Christmas by taking the worry and stress out of it.
Have a Very, Merry Christmas!

Kat, Mark, and Sebastian Cooper"

Is that too cheesy and cornball-ish?
Too sappy?
I'm not really sure what to say to this man whoever he may be, other than to fill the inside and outside of the card, and the entire outside of the envelope, with a million "thank yous"....LoL

What would you say to someone who wants to be anonymous, but has just given you the best Christmas present you've ever gotten in your whole life?

October 16, 2011

I *WILL* get them done. Oh yes. I will.

The dishes that is.
I AM going to get all of the dishes done today, I will, I will.
I WILL GET THE DISHES DONE TODAY.

I will also finish the laundry and vac the rugs.
I sprinkled the carpet powder down last night so I have to vac it up, but the dishes, they are an absolute must do, and they will be done even if it kills me.
Well, not really kill me, but even if doing them causes me to be in pain for the next 3 days, I AM GOING TO GET THE DISHES DONE.
ALL OF THEM.

September 27, 2011

Keeping score.

I am the kind of person who keeps track of everything in my life thanks to being OCD, so I make lists all of the time.
I make shopping lists, lists of things that I need to do, lists of things that need to be done, (these ARE separate things) lists of things that I have done, lists of things that will eventually need to be done, and I also keep a budget that is constantly being redone on a weekly basis.
I used to do a monthly budget but because I'm always redoing my lists, it became a weekly budget, and sometimes I even do a daily budget because I end up doing something that throws off the previously worked out perfect to a T budget that I had.

I don't have very many friends in my life anymore because of my inability to go out and do things, and because of my lack of trust in people, and gossip that people do.
I dislike gossip so much, and I try to avoid it at all costs because it does nothing but cause problems.
Person A tells person B something about person C, and before you can blink, peoples D through G have all now heard and retold some form of the original story about person C, and it has also made it's way back to person C, who is now not only extremely confused about the things that are supposedly going on in their own life, but also hurt beyond any kind of words for betrayal, pain, confusion, and loss that can be thought of, because person A was supposed to be their very best friend in their whole world.

Right now, these things are tied together for me, the list making, budgeting, and the gossip that people do.

If a friend helps me out with something, I write it down, I keep track of it so that if in the event that friend ends up needing some help at some point, I have a physical reminder that they've helped me, and because I've written it down, it encourages me to find some way to help them with whatever it is that they need.
It's not really keeping score, but more like keeping track of the good that is done for me so that I always know who to be grateful to.

But lately, I feel like like I AM keeping score.
I feel like I'm doing more helping and more giving of myself, my time, my money, my whatever, and when I've needed help, I'm not getting it back, and I'm really starting to resent it.
I'm starting to resent it because of the gossip that people do.

Various people have been telling me that this friend that I've been helping, has been lying to me in order to both get help from me, and also to avoid helping me in return when I need it and have asked them for help.
I hate gossip, I don't want to believe this gossip, but my feelings, my instincts, my gut, is wrenched and is telling me that it's the truth.
The very words and actions of my friend make my stomach twist as soon as I hear her speak the words to me, and see her body movements.
I know that even though it's gossip, that it IS the truth.
I know that when she has recently been asking me for help, she hasn't really needed it, but by my helping her, it was extra help for her so she didn't have to stress and worry as much.
I know that when I recently asked her for help, she lied to me when she said that she couldn't, that she had no way of helping me, and that she was struggling horribly too.
I know that these things are lies not only because of the gossip that people do, but because of her own words and actions, as I've said.
And it hurts.
It hurts beyond any kind of words for betrayal, pain, confusion, and loss that can be thought of, because I consider her to be my best friend.

All of my list making and budgeting, all of the things that I've done to help her and written down, and any of the things that she's done here and there and I've written down so that it would encourage me to be grateful to her and always help her in return if I was able to help her in return, now feels like a score sheet, like I've been keeping score for the winners and the losers, and I'm on the losing team.

I feel totally betrayed right now, I trusted in her, trusted in our friendship, believed in her, and believed her whenever she swore to keep a confidence over something that I felt I needed to talk about and she'd swear to keep it, even hug me and tell me that things were going to be OK.
I hate the gossip so so very much, but I KNOW that what is being gossiped about, are things that I ONLY shared with her.
I shared these things with no one else because I don't have anyone else that I feel felt that I could trust. I don't have anyone else that I love like family, really and truly care about, and so I feel crushed and stomped on, and stomped down.

I've spent the last few days to a week thinking about all of this, going over the gossip stories that I've heard, remembering when I told things to her, if anyone else at all was around, trying to recall if I could have possibly said it to anyone else at all, and no, I couldn't have, didn't, I wouldn't have, because she is the ONLY one that I really felt that I could really trust.

I don't know what to do, do I talk to her about it all?
Confront her?
Try to sit down and ask her if all of the gossip going around is the truth?
Or do I say screw it, and just let her go out of my life like I've had to do with other people who've betrayed me like this, or people who just caused so much drama every single day that it stressed me out too much?
I WANT to believe that she didn't betray me, that she didn't betray my confidence in her, that she didn't betray our friendship, but I know the truth, I know that she did.
I know this because she really is the only person that I told anything at all to, because she is, she was, I thought, my best friend.

I don't want to go back to having to stay alone, not have a friend in my life because of the gossip and lack of trust, but I'm so tired of all of the he said/she said crap that people do.
When my FRIEND tells me something, I DO NOT TELL IT TO ANYONE ELSE.
EVER.
She's told me so many things during our many, many hours of long talks, but I have not once ever shared them with anyone else because she's my friend, and when it's just us, just the two of us friends hanging out and talking, even if neither one of us says "Swear that this stays between us", every word she's ever said to me, has stayed with me.
She's the only person that I ever really and truly talk to, I don't ever talk and open up to anyone else, I don't have long "girl talks" with anyone else, and so yeah, it's hurting me very bad right now that our long talks that have just been the two of us, have been retold to others, and that I've been lied to.
I've been lied to and used, and things that I've said to my best friend, the one person that I trusted, have been told to other people, just spread around, gossiped about.

All of my lists that I use to help keep me grateful and encourage me to help when I can, are just score sheets now, and I'm the loser.

September 13, 2011

I was in an accident and robbery today.

I was dragged by my hair by a girl in a truck, they grabbed my purse, stole all of my money and pain meds that I just picked up at the doctors today.
I was literally dragged by my hair by the passenger while the driver emptied my wallet and stole my meds that I had JUST picked up.

They stopped and pretended to ask for directions, the passenger then grabbed me by my hair with one hand, then my purse with the other and threw it to the drover who started to accelerate a little, the driver took all the money from my wallet, $37.00, then stole all my pill bottles full of my heavy duty, controlled substance narcotics, then she threw my purse out of the truck window, and then the passenger let me go.
This all happened in mere seconds and while the truck was moving, not at a fast speed, but just fast enough that I had to jog along side because the bitch had me by the hair.
Once the driver threw my purse out, the passenger let go of me, and I rolled about 5-7 feet.
I was in such a state of shock and adrenaline pumping, that I didn't realize that I was injured, so I picked up my purse and purse contents that were thrown about the ditch, and then my sandals which had fallen off while I was running, and then I walked back home.
I walked in the house and the teens saw me, TOTALLY freaked out and ran outside to look for them and then also ask the neighbor for the video tapes while I called the cops and an ambulance, and now I'm just getting home from the ER.

NOTHING is broken, AMAZINGLY, but I am covered with road rash and by morning, my entire body will be covered in bruises, literally from head to toe.

The good news.
The guy at the end of the street caught it all on camera as he video tapes the 4-way intersection for stop sign runners 24 hours a day, and in their haste to get away, they blew through the stop sign.
The police and sheriffs already have the tapes, and by tomorrow afternoon, if not already, the assailants will be in custody because not only did they do this to me, but they ran the stop sign and were caught on video as I said.
It's a Toyota Sequoia in Silver, just like this one pictured here, a little mini-SUV type car.

So I really, REALLY, want to thank Glen at Fail 2 Stop, for having all those cameras to catch the criminals.
I haven't been told yet, but I've watched some of the videos, and in some of them you can just barely see the side street, Restful Lane, where they finally let me go after robbing and dragging me from my mailbox to that corner.
I'm not good with distances, or north-south type stuff, but the detective who came to see me and ask me some questions, said it was about 100-115 feet from my mailbox where it started to that corner where they let go of my hair.

When the police asked him, Glen, for the tapes and explained why they needed them, he was more than happy to hand them over, the detective said.
He's not only been fighting the speeders and stop sign runners, but all of the criminals, the drug dealers, and prostitutes which have slowly been taking over our neighborhood over the last 2-3 years.

I was in the ER from about 7:30pm until about 20-30 minutes ago. (More like 2.5 hours now at the time of this writing thanks to dozing off and on thanks to the really strong meds in me)
They did a CT scan of my neck, and xrays of my whole body, and like I said, LUCKILY, absolutely nothing is broken or fractured.
Nothing, I'm amazed because my body took a helluva beating during the ordeal.
But I have some serious road rash on my left shoulder and blade, road rash on my elbows and knees, and my lower back and BOTH hips took a major beating while I was rolling for those 5-7feet.

The docs pumped me full of meds, so please excuse any typos. (THANK GOODNESS FOR AUTO-SPELL CHECK FF!!!)
In the morning, I have to go to the police station and pick up a copy of the report, then swing by the ER xrays department and get copies my films, and then take it all next door to give my doc.
Hopefully, seeing as I just went to him today (Monday) and got all my meds filled for the month, that he will write me new scripts to get me through the month without too much pain and discomfort.
I don't want or even expect him to write for all the same meds, he'd get in trouble with the DEA, but I obviously need meds to make it through the month, even more so now that this happened.

Right at the moment, I'm feeling OK, but again, that's because they pumped me full of Toradol, Dilaudid, and Soma
through an IV, and then they made me walk the halls a bit to check and see if I was able to go home.
It hurt like hell to walk, ut I did it and wanted to come home so bad.

I'm OK, I want to make that very clear, nothing at all is broken or fractured, but I will be heavily bruised by morning all over my whole body from rolling approximately 5-7 feet after she let go of my hair.
The bitch got a chunk of hair in her hand, and my forehead also has a nice sized (/sarcasm>) bump on it, my lower back and hips took a massive beating man, and so when the paramedics strapped me to the board along with a neck brace that was extremely uncomfortable due to my head/neck being the way that it is for exactly 3 years to the day now, I was in pure fucking agony the whole way to the hospital and for about the 1st hour while they ran tests.
They left me strapped to the board and in the brace that long so that I couldn't move at all just in case something was broken.
They apologized over and over, they knew the board and brace were hurting me, but it was for my protection just in case something really was broken.
I really do appreciate it, they (BEST damn hospital in the state IMHO) were only doing what was right for me, protecting me from a possible major injury, but wow man, that board and brace hurt.
My head does not look straight ahead, only down, and while they tried to make the brace hold my head and neck as it is and has been, the brace forced it up as straight as it could, and that was some fucking pain I tell ya.
After they got me off the board, it was sooooo much better, more comfy, but I was in hell with pain.
Then they started pumping me full of meds every 30 minutes, so yeah, I'm a bit on the wasted side at the moment.
Those meds are not strong on their own, but combined together and in the heavy doses they gave me, it's really potent and I feel like I dank a gallon of the world's best vodka for an entire weekend.

To take home and until my doc can get me in with the police report and xray films, they gave me scripts for the same meds, Toradol, Dilaudid , and Soma, but told me to get my police report and films, and call my doctor asap, so I will be doing that very first thing in the morning.

The police believe that I may have been targeted, like someone was watching me, keeping track of my schedule and knew that today was pain doc day, and then they struck when they saw me walking home alone from my friend Nikki's house right up the street.
Thanks to the videotape, they will be able to get the plate number and go after whoever was driving the vehicle, and hopefully, also find the bitch passenger who had me by the hair.
She had a death grip on my ponytail man, I thought she was gonna take it (ponytail) right off the way she had it so tight, and if the driver had sped up.

In a side note, my landlord was at the community meeting for the 4 way stop signs and criminal activities in our neighborhood, when the call came in, he knew the address, OBVIOUSLY, and so he came by the house and then called back again to ask if the teens had heard from me.
Sebastian stayed home, but Mark came to the hospital with my friend Nikki who was a complete mess, poor thing was bawling her eyes out every time she looked at me, and then when she had to leave to go home to put her daughter to bed, but when I was finished at the ER, she told me to call her and she'd come pick Mark and I up, and she did.
As soon as I got in the truck and slid over to the middle, she threw her arms around me, told me she loved me.
She is truly my very, very best friend down here in Florida. Shell will always be my best for the rest of my life, secrets o the grave, but Nikki is just like her, I trust her with my secrets, and my life.

Sorry, I git sidetracked, then, because it is his (landlord) property where the incident happened, he asked to be assigned to the case along with the lead detectives on it, and he called Sebastian twice while I was at the ER, that he would do everything he could to find the 2 rotten skanks who did this to me.
I know that I've said it more than a few times, but my landlord is a truly awesome human being.
He's seen and helped me through some of the hardest and leanest years of my life over the last 14 years that I've now lived in this duplex.
He didn't evict me me as I waited for my SSDI to be approved and could only pay him a few hundred dollars per month, at the most sometimes, but he's also an extremely caring and kind man and human being as he showed tonight, but many times in the past years.
During all of my surgeries, he sent a 'Get Well' card once a week every single week for several months, he helped out after my surgeries by mowing the lawn, taking our trash to the curb, and there have been times, he's just called to check on me, just to ask how I was doing, and he just really cares about us, about me and my sons who he has watched grow up over the last 14 years of living in this duplex.

But to answer the obvious and burning question I'm sure many people have right now.....
NO, I DO NOT KNOW WHO THEY ARE, I've never seen them before, but like I said, the police believe that they my have targeted me, maybe they have seen me at Walgreens getting my meds filled every single month at the exact same Walgreen's, and thanks to the question they have to ask before they ring you up, "CAN YOU PLEASE VERIFY YOUR ADDRESS AND PHONE NUMBER?"
The cops believe they may have over-heard that, and decided to strike, or they may have been "casing" me for some time.
Maybe they've seen me at my doctor's office or at Walgreen's, and have just been watching me for a few months, and decided that today was the day.
I got done at my doc's around 10:28am, went straight across the street to Walgreen's. and then made a stop at the store, and then had my ride drop me off at Nikki's house around 1-2pm until I decided to walk home around 6:30pm.

I feel like a complete and total idiot.
I KNOW not to talk to strangers, I KNOW not to walk up to a stranger's vehicle, but they were 2 young girls, mid to early 20's, looked totally harmless, (looks are so so sooooo deceiving) and there ya go, lesson learned.

The really fucking hard way.

April 21, 2011

The latest goings on around here.

It's been awhile since I last posted, again, I'm in a total rut/funk and I freely admit it.
I'm constantly battling health and pain issues and that really messes with your head after awhile ya know?
I have doctor appointments almost every week now that are costing me a small fortune that I don't have, and all I want is for him to do the surgery so I can stop having to pay money that I don't have and be out of pain for 6 to 18 months. (if it works)
I'm just in a bad place right at the moment, stressed out pretty much all of the time, I'm not sleeping, I'm not eating, all I do is stress and worry and it's really taking a toll on me mentally and physically.

Sebastian has graduated from high school early!!!
Yay!!!
He decided to take the exit option which means if the student works super hard, gets all of their credits in less time, and passes all of the final exams and a graduation test, they can get their diploma and be done with school.
So he studied hard and worked hard, and on Thursday, he handed in all of his books and picked up his diploma.
He's also decided to not march in the graduation ceremony, and honestly, I don't mind.
We went to Mark's, the arena where they hold it has really poor AC, there's almost 1,000 graduating seniors and about 5,000 - 6,000 people there to watch, so it's even hotter, and the ceremony takes about 3.5 hours.
So yeah, I really do not mind that he doesn't want to march, no problem at all!

In Mark news, he and his friend Geoff have been doing all kinds of things together lately.
They helped pain houses for Habitat for Humanity, and have been doing all kinds of other things as well.
Geoff's grandmother wants the both of them to get jobs and work together at the same place because she thinks that it will help them stay motivated if they can stay together.
Together, they do a ton of stuff, they have energy and can paint houses and all kinds of things, but when not together, they both tend to sleep till 2pm and play video games.
She's already picked up applications for the both of them for a couple of places, some window manufacturing place, a couple of restaurants, Home Depot, and who knows what else, I wouldn't even be surprised if she tried to send them to personal trainer school just to get them jobs so they can stay together.
She has a really big heart and just loves to help and wants to see them both succeed, so she's trying everything she can to try and get them jobs together.

I'm still waiting on my tax refund to come, and this year there will be no vacation.
I'm getting way less back than previous years, and because Mark doesn't have any health insurance any more, the only way to get him in to see a doctor is if I pay cash out of pocket.
It's worth it to me if I can find a doctor to help him, because if he gets help, then he will be able to get a job and work without too much pain.
Some things that I definitely need to get when I do finally get my taxes back, a new computer chair for the teens because their chair is literally falling apart, and Sebastian does so much artwork and stuff on their computer, it's what he wants to go to school for, so I need to get them a new chair.
I need to get Mark into see a doctor, and I need to order a year's supply of contact lenses because these are so old and dirty that I can't see anymore, and there was something else but for the life of me I can't think of it right now.

I guess that's all for now.
Later days.

April 7, 2011

Wanda, the crazy stalker lady.

About a month ago, I was walking home from my friend N.'s house right up the street, and it was starting to sprinkle a little bit so I was hurrying to try and get home before it down-poured on me, cell phone in one hand, open can of Diet Coke in the other, when this woman hollers at me from across the street, "Hey! Can I ask you a question?!" and she came running across the street at me.
I decided to be polite (bad move) and answer her question.
She asked me why my head was stuck looking down, so I explained it.
Then she starts telling me that she can heal me and she starts running her hands up and down my arms, telling me to loosen up, relax, she tells me her name is Wanda and she's a healer, she really can heal me if I just relax and trust her.
I told her that I've had surgery, that I'm stuck this way from the titanium rods and screws that are holding it in this position, she tells me that it doesn't matter, she can still fix me.
She is running her hands all up and down my arms, then she starts moving her hands to my shoulders and neck, and I tell her that it's raining and I really need to get going before it gets worse.
She doesn't even appear to have heard what I said because she's still rubbing my shoulders, arms, and my neck, and her hands are starting to roam up and down my back, and then my front.
I pulled away and told her that I need to go, it's really starting to rain harder now, I really need to go.

I start to turn and try to walk away, but she's now got a tight grip on my left arm, I tell her that she needs to let go of me, the rain is now coming down harder, I'm getting wet, I've got kids to get home to, please let go.
She tells me that she's got the gift and "You need to trust me and relax, loosen up, who cares about the rain when I can heal you, I can fix you!" she yells at me, "Relax! Let me do what I have a natural god-given talent to do, I can heal you, I can fix your head and neck! Relax! Loosen up and just trust me!"
She has my left arm in a tight grip and her right hand is rubbing up and down my arms, neck, shoulders, and lower back, upper back, and again, moves her hand to my breasts.
I pull away hard and tell her that I AM going now, stop touching me and leave me alone.
I turn and practically run home.
I got in the door and told the boys that I was just molested by a woman named Wanda who said she can heal my head and neck, she had me in a tight grip and wouldn't let go of me, I had to pull away and walk as fast as I could to get home.
The boys are all what???
I tell them everything that happened and they tell me that I am not allowed to go walking anywhere by myself again, that Wanda could be a total lunatic (COULD BE?!?!?) and she might hurt me.
I agree that she's totally nuts and a total pervert too.

A few days goes by, I don't see her anywhere when either of the teens are with me, so one day about a full week or so later, I decide to go my friend N.'s house by myself again.
When I leave a few hours later, there's Wanda, standing at the fence that surrounds the apartments where N. lives.
She's standing there waiting for me.
I immediately grab my cell and call the teens, I tell them that one or both of them need to hurry their asses up and get up the street immediately, Wanda is here, she's following me right now, she's yelling at me to stop, she has to talk to me, she can heal me, god is telling her to heal me, it's a mission from god that she has to do, I MUST stop because god has told her that she has to heal me!
Both of the teens run up the street, Mark has the knife and they are hauling ass to get to me and when they catch up to me, Wanda is still right behind me, still yelling at me to stop.
Sebastian grabs me by the hand and starts to practically pull me home and Mark tells Wanda that if she comes near me again, that he will have her arrested for harassment and assault because of how she physically grabbed me and wouldn't let go of me that first time.
Wanda tells Mark that the cops will not arrest her when they hear that god has told her to heal me, they will set her free and they will MAKE ME let her heal me because when god commands people to do something, the police HAVE to abide by the word and laws of god, and they will hold me while she heals me.
Mark tells her that she's totally fucking cracked nuts and he WILL have her arrested if she ever comes near me again.
We get home and none of us had seen Wanda again for several weeks now.
Until 5am today that is.

Mark and I decided to go to 7-Eleven to get some drinks and some donuts for everyone for breakfast, and on our way home, we see this figure standing on the sidewalk.
Just standing there, from a distance, we can't tell if it's a man or woman, just a tall figure standing right in the middle of the sidewalk.
I tell Mark that I'm afraid, someone is just standing there at 5am, why, do they think I have more money because we're carrying two bags and I have my purse?
Are they looking to cause trouble?
Both Mark and I are a bit tense as we keep moving forward, Mark is telling me to stay right next to him, to do what he says if the person starts anything, he has the knife in his pocket, his hand is on it ready to use it should he need to protect us.
Then we both realize that it's Wanda.
As we get within about 5-6 feet, Wanda says "I just want to talk to you!"
I said "No, stay away from me!" Mark told her to leave me alone too, and she was seriously upset, she started yelling that she had to talk to me, she has to heal me!
"Please talk to me! It's really important! I can heal you!"
Mark yells at her to get the fuck away from us, NOW!
He has me by the arm and is pretty much dragging me home and yelling at her to stay away from us, if she follows us, she's going to regret it big time, and she yells one last thing.
"Fine! I'll go this time, but god has commanded me to heal you! I will not stop trying because god has told me to do this! I have to lay my hands upon you to heal you, I have to touch you to heal you! I can and WILL heal you! God commands it!"

So I have a crazy stalker neighbor lady who says she can heal me, that god is telling her that she has to heal me, she has to lay her hands on me, on my neck, head, shoulders, back, and of course, my breasts.
I don't know exactly where on the street she lives, but it's close enough to the street where she can see me walking by, where I go, and if I go to N.'s house, she just stands and waits for me by the fence, and this morning, she must have been awake and saw us go up to the store because there she was, just standing on the sidewalk waiting for me to come back down the street.
So the next time, if there is a next time, I'm dialing 9-1-1, and I'm going to tell them where I am and to hurry, that this crazy woman named Wanda has been stalking me and harassing me for about a month now, physically touching me, not hitting me type of assault, but like false imprisonment type of assault because she wouldn't let me go that first meeting, I had to forcefully pull away, and she just keeps trying, and OMG please help, she's following me and yelling at me right now and I'm disabled, I can't run to get away from her, please hurry.

So there ya go, the crazy Wanda stalker lady story.
I feel so weird even talking about it, a woman is stalking me, trying to touch me, she's obviously nuts, and she scares me, she really does scare me, she just appears outta nowhere and if I'm by myself, I really can't run to get away from her, I honestly don't know what I would do if she catches me again, if she grabs me again.
I would try to break free of course, I would hit her if I had to, but I'm not as strong as I used to be, my punch wouldn't hurt a fly these days, I can't even walk up the street without having to worry about whether or not Wanda the crazy 'I can heal you' stalker lady is out there somewhere waiting for me.

April 6, 2011

Almost a month!

It's been almost a month since my last post, I'm like so ashamed of myself for that, but life has been kicking my butt.
Things here at home have been stressful due to my back and battling illnesses, so I've been unable to work as much as I used to, so some of my bills are behind and that causes me mega stress.
There have just been days, on end it seems, that my back and my left hip have been flared up so bad that all I can do is lay on the couch and try not to move because moving hurts too much.
And I still don't have a date for the surgery on my left hip!
He wanted to do it this week, but then he had three emergency surgeries come up, so my surgery got pushed back and now it probably won't be for another two weeks he said.
That really sucks because I honestly don't know how much more of this I can take.

Sebastian is almost done with school, he will officially be done and out next week because he fast tracked by taking the early exit option, and unlike Mark, he does not want to march with his class.
It's his choice, I'm not going to make him buy a cap and gown and spend 3 hours in a hot stadium doing the graduation like we did with Mark.

Speaking of Mark, we are still waiting to hear from another doctor what we can do for him.
Getting and waiting for referrals is a total pain, I remember it well when I was going through it, it sucks, it's a hurry up and wait game.

My house looks like a tornado blew through it and I'm feeling overwhelmed by it.
I need to hire a maid, if I had the money that is.
And I'm so mad at the stupid cats!
They knocked over my storage chest of beads!
I spent nearly 2 hours on the floor, on my hands and knees, picking up and sorting all of my beads back into their right compartments.
I was in so much pain when it was over with, I spent the next three days laying on the couch again.
I'm just so over having to deal with the pain in my hip and lower back.
I want the nerve burn-off surgery and I want it now!
I'm tired of waiting, I want to do it and have it work because it will mean six to 18 months of no pain at all in my hip and lower back.

March 8, 2011

The doctor we waited so long for was a jerk.

We've been waiting for almost a year to get Mark in to see a doctor for his scoliosis, and we finally got to see him last week.
Both Mark and I had this dreadful feeling as soon as he came in the room and opened his mouth.
He said to us, "You do understand that I'm doing this as a favor to my friend Dr. W."
Then he proceeded to tell us that he's a chiropractor, not an orthopedic, then he asked us a few questions but would not let me answer, he wanted Mark to answer all of the questions but Mark honestly doesn't even know how to pronounce the things that are wrong with his spine, or where the genetic defects are and what they are.
After he realized that Mark couldn't answer him, he let out this huge sigh and said "Fine, you tell me what the other doctor told you is wrong with your son."
I told him what the other orthopedist said, what and where the genetic defects are, and that it's been proven that scoliosis is a genetic disorder, it's hereditary, to which he told me "That's poppycock!"
I told him that it was NOT poppycock, that DNA testing of scoliosis patients had found genetic factors for the risk of curve progressions.
"This study demonstrates that for the first time genetic factors can be used to accurately quantify the risk of scoliosis curve progression," said Kenneth Ward, MD,..."
He again told me that scoliosis was not genetic and that no such study had been done.
I replied to him that I myself had taken part in a DNA test for determining if it was genetic and hereditary, and he just brushed me off.

He then asked Mark about playing sports to which Mark replied that he dislikes sports, he doesn't even like watching sports, never mind actually play any.
The doctor told us that's "The problem, you're lazy, you need to play sports, join the military, get active and your spine will correct itself."
He then wanted to do a physical and he asked me to leave the room so I left and went outside to wait.
When Mark was finished, he came outside and told me that the doctor said that he just needs to be more active, come back for some spinal adjustments, and that "your mother is manic".
So basically, he told us that Mark is lazy and he needs to join the military or play sports and his spine will be fine, and that I'm a nutcase!
He also told us that we need to go to the free county clinic and they will take care of him, but that Mark's whole problem is that he's lazy and that he does not have scoliosis.
Needless to say I am NOT happy at all, the man was a complete jerk!
I've taken Mark to three different orthopedics and now this guy, and the three orthopedics all say that he does have scoliosis, and this guy says that he doesn't have it and that he's just lazy and his spine will fix itself.

I've been so upset about this that I found myself bitter and angry for the last few days, just furious really, I mean, the guy was an absolute ass!
Join the military?!
The army would do the physical and deny him immediately, the police academy has refused him based on his xrays, so why would the military take him?
Just to have a warm body?!
Ugh!

So that's what happened, why I've been so upset and silent, he was rude, condescending, just an absolute jerk, and so now I'm back on the hunt for another doctor to try and help my son.
I'm tired and frustrated, I was so hopeful that he was going to help and he was just a jerk.

March 7, 2011

Having a seriously bad day/week/month/year.

Things just keep going from bad to worse, I can't sleep, think, do anything without just wanting to scream.
I need a vacation or a few days in a locked padded room to try and get my bearings, get centered, get back to whatever my normal is supposed to be.
I'm sick, tired, exhausted, and fed-up with people and so-called friends in my life.
I don't even know how many times that I've said now, that I need to get rid of the toxic people in my life, but here I am again, saying it again.

February 16, 2011

Food poisoning and hot cats.

Yesterday, Tuesday, Mark and I took a walk and went up to CVS to get his script and a Moneypak card so that I could pay my hosting bill and the water bill, and then we stopped and had lunch at the Chinese place near there.
I use the Moneypak cards because I can add cash to the Moneypak card and then transfer it to my PayPal account, and then use my PayPal card to pay my bills.
My web hosting company, ICDSoft.com, takes PayPal directly, so I used PayPal to pay the hosting renewal bill, and then the card to pay the water bill.

Mark and I had a really great lunch (or so we thought) and we talked about a lot of things.
Mark has spent a lot of time online researching his spine problems, the Spondylolysis and Spondylolisthesis, he wanted to know for himself exactly what he has, not just hear the doctors say those big words to him and not really explain what anything is or how it can be corrected, so we talked about all of the information he learned and a whole bunch of other really interesting subjects he looked up online as well.
We took a really slow walk home because after walking there, I was simply in too much pain to walk quickly back home.
To be honest, I should have spent the stinking $7 and taken a cab home, I'm still in pain from the walk.

But anyway, everything was going good, (or so I thought), until around 6:30pm or so.
When we came home from our errands, Mark went and laid down, he wanted to take a small nap and I had no objection to that because he had actually been up all night.
Sebastian was going to wake him at 7pm because I went to my friend Nikki's house because she was going to help me dye my hair.
While I was sitting there with dye in my hair, Sebastian calls and tells me that Mark is feeling really nauseous and is "sorta green looking".
I told him that I would be back home as fast as I possibly could, and to just tell Mark to stay laying down and take it easy.
While there for about another 45 minutes, I got two more calls from Sebastian telling me that Mark had now puked three times and for me to not rush home, he was just giving me updates.
When I got in the door, Mark was definitely green looking, he had now puked a total of five times, and he got up and ran into the bathroom again to go for round six.
Poor kid.
He had the curry chicken at the Chinese place, and something must have been really wrong with it because Mark definitely has food poisoning.
I do believe it's all over now, (I hope) he's been in bed sound asleep since about 11:30pm, he hasn't puked again, and the wicked bad stomach cramps that he said he was having, have totally stopped too
What was a nice lunch and really great talk with Mark, turned into him being sick for hours because of that "nice lunch":
Ugh.

I've been awake all night (nothing new there) and just sitting here thinking about a lot of things, mindlessly watching crap on the tv, and trying really hard to get myself out of this horrible depression that I've been in for several months now because of all of the new medical issues that I'm dealing with.
I so just want it all to stop, after all of these years, I just want the medical crap to stop.
It's just not going to, not anytime soon anyway.
So I was sitting here and then decided to go lay on the couch and surf the channels looking for anything even halfway decent to watch, and it was cold in here even with the blanket I was wrapped up in, and I was thinking how much I used to love my electric blanket when I was a teenager and how nice it would be to have one now for the winters here because we don't have heat in this house, it usually doesn't ever get cold enough for the use of heat.
That's when the cats realized that I was on the couch with the blanket, they love the blanket, and they love it when someone is on the couch with it, they all come cuddling up on you.
After about 15 - 20 minutes with Kali, Nova, Shahiro, and Simba all curled up on top of me, I was definitely not cold anymore, as a matter of fact, I had to get back up off of the couch because I was sweating.
The cats are like little fur-covered breathing electric blankets. hahaha!
They cuddle all up, start purring, and within minutes, you're definitely not cold anymore.

I got up off of the couch over two hours ago and I've now just been sitting here mindlessly surfing the channels again, thinking, and trying to find the positive in all of this stuff and wondering why, why I go in for one painful medical issue in my left hip, and come back out with two medical issues, one in each hip!
I keep telling myself to laugh, you know, gotta laugh because if you don't, you'll cry, and I do end up laughing because of the insanity of it all.
I just wonder how many more things can possibly go wrong with my body, how many more titanium implants I can get inside of me, and wondering when it's all going to stop, when I'm finally going to catch that break that everyone keeps telling me that I should be getting really soon.

February 12, 2011

Home alone for the rest of the weekend.

Mark just left with his friend Jeff, he won't be back home until sometime tomorrow, probably after dinner time.
Sebastian left yesterday with my sister, he won't be home until tomorrow, probably sometime after dinner time.
My sister is taking him and my adorable nieces to do some fun things this weekend.
They are finally going somewhere that Sebastian wanted to go when he was little so so bad, and they are finally going today.
Even at age 17, Sebastian was very excited!
Where are they going?!
You might all think it's totally hokey, but it's not really, it's kind of like Jurassic Park but the dinosaurs are not going to eat you.
They are going to Dinosaur World, they have over 150 life-sized and life-like dinosaurs that are all man made, and I think, think, that some of them move, not really sure about that, but I could have sworn that some of them have some robotic movement.
I am sure that Sebastian is going to have a really good time, he always wanted to go when he was little, so he was very excited when he came home yesterday and I told him to pack his clothes for the weekend.
I can't remember why we didn't take the boys when they were little, but we just didn't.
We took them to every other theme park in Florida, but not that one.
Is it really a theme park?
I don't think so, I am sure there are no rides, I think it's just all dinosaurs, but it should be a good time anyway.
My nieces love dinosaurs just like the boys did, so sis is taking them there today.
Mark didn't want to go, he's just not as interested in them as he was way back when he was little, I guess.
Mark prefers video games, food, and sleeping these days.

In my clumsy news, I often lose feeling in my feet, worse if I cross my legs, and I was sitting here in my chair last night talking to a friend on the phone for about an hour with my legs crossed.
When I finished and got up to hang up the phone, I didn't even realize that I had put my right leg and foot to sleep, and when I stood up, I came right back down between the couch and the coffee table with a bone breaking and very loud "cruuuuuuuunch".
I have obviously done something really bad to it, I am pretty sure that at least one toe, the big one, is broken, along with maybe a fracture in the top of my foot, and a really bad sprain of the ankle.
My entire right foot is swollen and black and blue, that means broken right?

So I'm just taking it as easy as I possibly can today, just hanging out watching movies and crap shows from the couch.
I'm watching and actually enjoying, Julie & Julia right now on Mark's LCD HDTV that he brought out here for me so I could enjoy a good picture.
My sis got him the tv for graduating high school, and he just thought I'd like to see movies look good today.
Heck, everything looks good on it, not just movies.
It's not too bad of a movie, or maybe that's the pain killers and the muscle relaxers talking, don't know, but it's really not that bad at all.

Later days.

February 8, 2011

An update and a plan.

I know that I haven't blogged much at all, it's been since before Christmas here at this blog, eeek!

I have been sort of updating at KatScan, and I have just posted an update about what I've been dealing with for the last few months, and my doctor's plans to try and help me.

December 21, 2010

Qwik Shower Gym Class Wipes product review.

I recently received a few samples (four individual packets) of Qwik Shower Gym Class Wipes.
They are disposable wipes that are quite large and wet enough to almost wipe down your entire body after gym class, a jog, a walk to work, or whatever you do that may cause you to get sweaty and need to be cleaned up but in a place where you are not able to take a shower.
They come in a small package, but unfold into a huge wipe, larger than a normal size washcloth, and much larger than a baby wipe.
Each wipe is large, thick and cloth like (10" x 12") moist, single-use disposable towels.*
That's really pretty large, and you can see them in the following image by clicking it to make it larger.

I had Sebastian try one out because he walks to school every day, and here in Florida it's even really hot at 6:45am on hot days. (Yes it's winter here, but we are still having some hot days mixed in)
He walked to school and he said that by the time he got there, he was sweaty and felt gross, so he went to the bathroom, went into a stall and opened up the Qwik Shower Gym Class Wipe.
He said it was very large and wet enough to wipe down every single part of his body that was all sweaty, and when he finished, it was still a bit wet and he probably could have wiped down even more of his body.
After using it, he said, his body was no longer sweaty, he felt clean again, and he didn't have any odor. He always carries a travel size deodorant and a travel size spray of his cologne, and so he used those to freshen himself up a bit more because he used the wipes on his armpits just to make sure that he got himself really clean and had no body odor.
He's really taken to making sure that he looks good and doesn't stink at school because he said that the boys (and girls) who don't keep themselves clean and have body odor, get picked on and teased really bad, so he makes sure that he doesn't have any BO at all.
He really liked how big the wipes are, how wet they are without being "drippy", and how much of his body he was able to get clean with just one wipe, and he said that if he had wanted to, he probably could have wiped down his entire body, arms, legs, his whole chest, back, everywhere, but he only concentrated on the ares that were totally sweaty that day, his arms, pits, chest, face, lower back, neck, and thighs.
He said that he wiped down his face first, and liked that he had something to wash his face with because he doesn't like having acne, so being able to wash his face with something other than just a wet paper towel, made him very happy.
He said that he was clean, that it felt like he had taken another shower, and that the wipes don't have a strong scent, which was really important to him because he uses a matching deodorant and spray cologne, and he didn't want any competing scents mixed in.
Overall, he said that the wipes worked really great, and he took two more of the four sample packets that I received, and put them in the pocket of his backpack where he keeps his deodorant and cologne spray.

This left me with just one wipe for myself to try out.
After I had walked to the corner store and back one afternoon, I came home and was all sweaty as I usually am after a walk there and back.
After a walk to the store, I would normally take either a quick shower or get a washcloth and wipe myself down, but I recalled that I had the wipe to try out, so I grabbed it and went into the bathroom.
Just like Sebastian said, the wipe was quite large and it was wet enough to wipe my whole body, every single area that was sweaty, and I used it to wipe down almost every part of my body simply because I could, because it was still wet enough to do that.
The Qwik Shower Wipe worked really well, and just like Sebastian, I liked that it doesn't have a strong scent, it didn't compete with my deodorant and perfume, and it really made me feel fresh and clean again.
The both of us really like them, they work very well, and Sebastian said that he wouldn't mind having some more of them to use in the spring when it starts getting hotter again, and so I will probably be buying a bunch of them for him for those walks to school on hot days.

They aren't expensive at all, you can get a sample, one wipe, for just $1 by clicking here.
You can get 10 for $7, 50 for $29.00, and 100 for $49.00, (all purchases made from their site have free shipping) that's really not bad prices at all for something that helps your teen(s) or yourself, get fresh and clean when you need to be in a place where you can't take a shower but need to be clean.

If you have an organization that needs to raise funds, like maybe the school football or other sport team that needs to raise money to pay for trips or uniforms, etc, you can sign up your organization and QWIKSHOWER will send you an email to distribute to your membership and when they buy QWIKSHOWER, they will send you 10% of the gross purchase price.*
So not only is it a product to help get your teens clean, but it can also help with fund-raising.
QWIKSHOWER is also available for wholesale, and you can click here for that information.

FTC disclosure;
I was not compensated in any way for this post.
I received four samples for free to try out and and was asked to write a product review.
I was not compensated to write this review, and I was not asked to write a positive tone only review.
I was asked to write my honest opinion of the Qwik Shower Gym Class Wipes, and then any other information about the product that I felt like including.
All opinions of the product are mine and some are my son's.
Some of the wording has been taken directly from their website and are marked with an asterisk at the end of the sentence.

December 6, 2010

Only 18 days, 2hours, 17 minutes,and some odd seconds

Until Christmas day.
How ready are all of you?
Been due to all of my recent illnesses and injuries, i am bit fare behind than I should be normally at this point, but I will catch up.
Especially when there are some really great deals and steals going on the internet lately.
Take Buy.com for instance and their super awesome daily and weekly sale that they always have going on.
For example, they have taken $230.00 off the price of a Hannspree ST42DMSB 42" LCD HDTV, and the shipping is totally free too, so yeah, a major bargain.

It's got fantastic reviews on it, and it also comes with "470 points" to earn for buying it.
What are these points?
Here; let me explain to you what the points are directing you to this page;
http://www.buy.com/rakutensuperpoints/default.asp
But basically, the more points that you earn, the more stuff that you can buy at Buy,com once you've accrued enough points.

The tv come with all of the great features and specs, so if you're in the market for a new tv for the family, give these features and specs a look at and see if it's something that you would like to have.

Features
Video Features Features ultra-sharp Full HD 1080P image resolution w/ ViVid Motion 120Hz
Video Features Provides excellent image detail, picture quality, and video performance
Video Features Great for watching HD programming, sports, movies, and enjoy gaming
Video Features Connects to over-the-air HD antenna, cable set-top box, Blu-ray™/DVD player, gaming console, VCR, video camcorder, and PC
Video Features USB 2.0 Flash Drive Input for enjoying music and photos
Video Features Standard 1 year warranty
Video Features
Tech Specs
Tech Specs Display Area: 42"
Tech Specs Display Type: LCD
Tech Specs Aspect Ratio: 16:9
Tech Specs Dynamic: 15000:1
Tech Specs Contrast Ratio: 1300:1
Tech Specs Resolution: 1920 x 1080
Tech Specs Screen Refresh Rate: 120Hz
Tech Specs Response Time: 4.5 ms
Tech Specs Signal Compatibility: 1080p
Tech Specs Input Video Signal: ATSC, QAM, NTSC
Tech Specs Compatibility: VESA (200 mm X 200 mm)
Tech Specs Condition: New
Tech Specs Features: PC Input
Tech Specs Speakers: 2
Tech Specs Inputs: S-Video/Composite,Y,Pb,Pr/HDMI/VGA
Tech Specs Outputs: Analog Audio,Digital Audio Out
Tech Specs HDMI Ports: 4
Tech Specs Power Consumption: 113W
Tech Specs Height (inches): 25.5
Tech Specs Height with Stand (inches): 27.8
Tech Specs Width (inches): 40.1
Tech Specs Depth (inches): 3.6
Tech Specs Depth with Stand (inches): 9.6
Tech Specs Unit Weight: 42.5 lb

November 16, 2010

Slowly on the mend.

I'm slowly starting to feel a bit better, slowly starting to get some strength back, and slowly starting to feel sort of myself again.
I've been down sick for the last few weeks with gastroenteritis, aka, the stomach flu, and a UTI, and another infection which hasn't been named/found yet.They just know that I have something else because my white cells are wicked high again.

I'm now on my second antibiotic because the Cipro was making me feel even worse.
They gave me Zofran to stop the nausea and vomiting, but the Cipro was making me puke anyway.
It was just far too strong for me, within 20 minutes of taking it, I would be barfing my guts out, and after not being able to eat anything at all for days on end, it was mostly stomach bile or the dry heaves, which in my opinion, is even worse than throwing up acidic bile.
Gastroenteritis is by far the absolute best appetite suppression that there ever was.
I still don't have any appetite and I've been on antibiotics and the other meds since last Monday the 8th.
So now I'm taking the Zofran, Zantac 150mg twice per day, and now for an antibiotic, Bactrim.
The Bactrim will hopefully, according to my doc, do a couple of things.
First, it will clear up the UTI, and second, it might cause a decrease in white blood cells, which is a good thing.
My white cells are sky high again, and the docs frantically try to figure out why, and there's been talk a few times now about doing another Indium Scan.
I HATE that test, really hate that test, so I am hoping that when I go in tomorrow they have some sort of idea why my white cells are so high, what the infection is and where it is, or that the Bactrim has cleared it up, or decreased my white cell count so they stop all the talk about doing that test again.

My appointment is at 9:30am, and then I'm going to have to run to the pharmacy and get my scripts filled, and then I should be back home sometime around noon, or at least I hope, that is if all goes well and there's no problems or bad news.
Keep your fingers crossed for me that everything goes well and that I don't have to have that test again.

October 28, 2010

The flu sucks.

The teens and I have had the flu since last week, we are finally getting over it now, finally feeling well enough to actually do things, and things sorely need to be done.
Sebastian missed several days of school due to being sick, Friday of last week, and Monday and Tuesday of this week, and then I realized that there's no school this Friday due to a "professional day".
He's already mostly caught up on the work he missed because he's allowed to do his work on the computer at his own pace, which is good.
If he wasn't allowed to do that, it would take him a whole lot longer to get caught up.

The house is a total disaster area, there should be warning signs posted on the front door about what an absolute mess the house is, but I've just been too sick to do anything about it, or care really.
Tomorrow though, I am going to attempt to get some of it cleaned up, do some laundry, definitely clean the floors, they are awful, and the bathroom has got to be done.
One week without cleaning that, yeah, not good.
I swear, teenage boys just don't even seem to notice that they've left their shaved off facial hairs laying in the sink, on the sink counter, everywhere.
Let's not forget the gobs of toothpaste left in the sink either.
Yick.
And on top of being sick and having a totally messy house, I haven't been able to sleep at all either.
There's nothing worse than feeling like you've been hit by a bus, then a truck, and then a 20 car pile up, on top of you, and all that you want to do is sleep, but you can't.
Some one of these days I'll find a permanent cure for my insomnia.

There's so many things that I want to do this coming weekend, that I wish that I could get a cash advance on my check so that I can pay all of the bills, get those over with and out of the way, then pay for the stuff that the teens need for college apps and required test taking in order to apply for the job.
It's kind of insane that you have to pay to take a test in order to apply for a job, but whatever.
Then, with whatever money is left over, do the things that I need and want to do this weekend.
But nope.
After paying the phone/internet bill, there isn't diddly squat left. haha
Laugh or cry, I'm choosing to laugh.
It's OK though, I have other things to do this weekend which will be a lot of fun but I'm not going to blog about it until after.
I don't want to mess things up by saying too much or the wrong stuff.

October 20, 2010

Sick teens, and WHAT did you just say about my parenting?!

Holy heck man, I have had like the worst six, maybe seven days that I have had in a long, long time, this past week.

It started off on Wednesday morning when I was supposed to have my doctor appointment at 10am.
At 8:10am, I received a totally frantic call from the doctor's nurse, she had a total of 148 patients to call who had been scheduled to be seen on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, and she had to tell everyone that their appointments were canceled and going to be rescheduled, but right at that moment, she didn't know what day or time they were going to be for, what was going to be done about medications, nothing, she quickly said that my doctor's family had been in a car accident and then *click*.
Um, wha?
What, wait?
I called right back, I was so totally confused, I thought maybe a friend was playing a joke on me because everyone knows that this doc is hard to get into, getting on his schedule is tough, but it wasn't a joke, his nurse explained it again, everyone had to be rescheduled, she didn't have the new schedule yet, a small supply of meds were going to be called in but she didn't know what meds or when they were going to be called in, and she was sorry but she would call me back in an hour.
Then because I was in like a state of shock, I totally forgot to call my friends who were giving me a ride to my appointment, so they showed up, I had to explain it to them, and then the entire rest of the day Wednesday was just call after call from some jerk that I know, we shall give him the initials of Gr., and he must have like gone off of his meds or something, and after the first three calls from him screaming at me over all kinds of crazy stuff, I stopped taking his calls and let all seven more of them for that day, go to voice mail.
One of Gr.'s scream-fests was him blaming me for him losing a $4,000 job and he was going to make me pay for it, he was going to come to my house and make me pay for it, he didn't care how, but oh yeah, I was going to pay.
I had to stop taking his calls after the first three like I said, it was just insane, and no matter what I said to him, no matter how I tried to calm him down, he got more and more irate, and after that third call, I couldn't take it anymore, I sat down and cried, then had a massive anxiety/panic attack, cried some more, and when my cellphone rang and it was Gr. again, I just let it ring until the voice mail picked up.
I let that happen, for like I said, all seven more of his calls that day, for the five he made on Thursday, the five more he made on Friday, the two on Saturday, I got a reprieve on Sunday, and then at 8:20am on Monday morning when Gr. called me again, I let it go to voice mail again.
I simply could not handle being yelled at by him again, I couldn't take it.
I listened to every single one of his voice mail messages, I shouldn't have after listening to just the first couple of them, but I did, and I shouldn't have, because it caused me to be a complete nervous wreck for the entire weekend.

But back to my doctor and Wednesday, they did call in a 3 day supply of all of my medications and a few others that I don't normally take, they said that they gave me those because they would help with the stress and anxiety over having my schedule turned upside down because they know that I have OCD really bad, and they know that having my schedule thrown off can set me off and I'll end up washing the same load of laundry 3 times, or just stand at the kitchen sink and wash the same batch of silverware over and over while having panic attacks and crying uncontrollably.
I finally admitted to this doctor approximately four months ago how severe my OCD was getting, that I was extremely worried about it because I have found myself getting worse with certain issues, and I was finally admitting to a doctor that I needed help with it.
I've been battling my OCD on my own for quite a few years now, I've been ashamed to admit it to my doctors because once you admit that you have it, they start asking you about what sets it off, what makes it worse, how bad the spells can get, etc, and it's embarrassing to admit some of the things that I do because they make me sound like I'm absolutely insane, and ever since learning about my biological mother and her mental health issues, admitting to a doctor, or anyone really, how bad my OCD is in my own words, I have actually questioned myself on whether or not I'm going crazy.
If you're going crazy, do you know that you are?
Do you feel yourself slipping away, or do you just go about your days thinking that everything is just peachy keen?
So yeah, I had a very rough six to seven days dealing with crazy cellphone calls from Gr., dealing with my panic and anxiety attacks, my OCD, and uncontrollable crying fits.

I survived the weekend, obviously, went to my doctor appointment Monday morning at 11:30am, and had my ride just drop me off at my friend N.'s house after I was done, I just wanted to hang with a friend and chill for a bit, and who was there when I walked in?
Gr.!
I immediately ran straight into N.'s bathroom and refused to come out until he left, I had no idea where his head was at or anything but I assume it was still in a bad place because he had called N. several times and told her he was going to her house, she kept telling him no, to not come over, he went over anyway, but N. and her friend T.. finally got him to leave and then the three of us girls just sat down and chilled for a bit, and while out on her lanai having a smoke, (I know, I know) I just started crying again, quietly, at least it wasn't outright bawling like I had been doing all weekend.
Then our other friend D. showed up, we all chatted for a few minutes, and then I had to go home because Sebastian was home from school and when I walked in the door, I learned that he was down sick.
Now both of the teens are sick, some sort of something.
They both have a high fever, headaches, cramps, and the diars, one has a stuffy nose, and the other has a cough, so what it is, I haven't the slightest clue.
So on Monday night, a friend drove me to the store at around almost closing time, and I picked up both Nyquil and Pepto, I have plenty of Tylenol at home, all bases for whatever it is, are covered. haha
Laugh or cry, laugh or cry, I'm choosing to laugh.

So then this friend asked if the teens wanted to make some money today, Tuesday, if they felt better in the morning.
I told her to call me in the morning and ask me before she drove all of the way here because I let Sebastian stay home from school, he was wicked sick on Monday night, way high fever, wicked cramps, he went to bed as soon as I got home from the store and she went home.
Well, instead of calling me in the morning, (Tuesday morning) she just knocked on my door at 9:51am and asked if they were ready to go.
I said no, they're still sleeping, they're really sick, I told you to call me before coming, why didn't you call, I coulda saved you the trip?
Well, I don't know what kind of issue she was having, we'll call her B., but B. seemed to think that sick or not, my two sons were able bodied and capable of working, so why wasn't I making them get up and go earn their own video game money instead of me buying them every game that they want every single time they want a new one?
B. proceeded to go into Sebastian's room and yell his name, I yelled at her to get out of there, don't wake him up, he's sick, she then did the same to Mark, walking right in his room and calling out his name loudly and telling him to get up.
I yelled at her to get the hell outta his room, don't wake him up either, he's sick as well, caught whatever Sebastian had on Monday night, and so then she went out and slammed my front door.

OK. Ok. Ok.
NOT OK!

I tell the boys to relax, it's OK, go back to sleep, I got this, and I went outside to find her cleaning out the back seat of her car, organizing it so that the teens can sit back there so she can drive them to do this yard work for three hours at $10 per hour, they were each going to make $30, she said, so they better be getting up and ready to go, they should have been ready by the time she got here.
I said; "B. FIRST, you were supposed to call me in the morning and ask if they were A) going to be OK to do it because you knew last night that Sebastian was sick, and B) if they even wanted to do it. And NO, they are not OK, they are both sick now, not just Sebastian, but Mark's got it now too, they both have really high fevers and stomach issues, so no, they won't be doing anything today but resting in bed or on the couches to lay down and watch tv and try to rest up from whatever this is."

Without missing a beat, she says to me, "Damn, your are white, while they're working, we can kick back in the recliner chairs and get some sun, I've got some really great tanning lotions that will get you some color really quick today."
"B.", I said; "They are NOT working today, it's a sick day for Sebastian from school, he's very sick, and now so is Mark, they both have it, they aren't working today, they are sleeping and resting today."

October 17, 2010

I can get a Ped Egg at Buy.com

I think I have mentioned before that I can't reach my own feet to care for them, yeah, I know that I have, probably a gazillion times now. Ha ha
I hate having to go to a salon where all the ladies talk in in whatever language they speak in, and they make fun of my totally poor and battered feet, and the teens won't do it, so I struggle and struggle to try and make my feet look somewhat more human than hobbit.
Anyway, I have seen product after product that claims to work on troublesome feet, but I've never heard anyone actually tell me that it really works.
Until now that is.
I've had at least three friends tell me that the Ped Egg actually really works!
And because I've been doing a lot of my online shopping and wish-shopping at Buy.com over the last year or so, when I do go to buy it, I'll be buying it at Buy.com either on sale or not because, their regular price is $9.99 with free shipping.
That's all of the time, not a sale price.
I checked out a few other e-tailers, and one of them has it for just $6.99, that's a really great price, but then you have to buy $18.01 worth of other products to qualify for the free shipping!
That makes it a not-so-great price after all.
I've also seen it in the pharmacy when I go to pick up my scripts, and it's well over the price of $9.99, so why would I spend more on it when I can get it for that price all of the time with free shipping?
That's right!
I wouldn't!!

Ooooooh!
I found out that it comes in black too!
That one is called Ped Egg Platinum, not black, but it looks black, and that one comes with five free buffing pads.
I guess after you do the rough scrubby, you can then buff your heals even softer.
I've tried so many different products on my feet, so to hear friends tell me that it really works, well, I'm going to have to get one on one of these days when I have the spare $10 bucks and try it for myself!!

October 14, 2010

Been a busy few days here with the teens.

Mark has been getting things and himself ready to take a test and apply for a job as a dispatcher for the local police station, a friend got him the application, helped him getting the book to study for the TABE test, and all kinds of other stuff.
There's exactly one opening for a dispatcher, but the friend seems to think that Mark has a really good, as in excellent, chance of getting it.
I really hope that he does, it would be awesome for him, help him get his foot in the door to the career path that he's wanted to do since he was three years old.
He's also been cleaning himself up, making sure that his hair looks good, he's shaving his face much better, not so haphazardly, and he's trying to clear up some of his acne.
Anyone know how to get rid of acne fast?
He turns in his application and has the interview at the same time, on Monday.
Eeek!

Sebastian has been doing a lot of things to prepare for his future as well, talking to two different art colleges, and this afternoon, we had an hour and half long phone meeting with the woman from admissions for the Art Institute.
It was an excellent meeting, we learned a lot, asked a lot of questions, and the new school year for freshman starts in July 2011, so we have to apply online next week, he has to write his entrance essay, all kinds of stuff, and then once we find out if he's accepted, (or not) then the financial aid specialist at the school begins helping him apply for and get all of the financial aid, grants, scholarships, and other forms of monetary help needed to help him pay for it all.
192 credit hours over 3.5 years comes to $93,888.
That's a wicked lot of money, but they are pretty positive that at least 96% of that can be covered by aid, scholarships, grants, and other things.
I certainly hope so because there's no way at all that I can pay for college, but I am going to do everything that I possibly can to help him achieve his dream career in the game and digital design field by getting his BA in Fine arts and digital arts.

October 2, 2010

The humidity is killing me today.

I've been a bad girl today, not staying on total bed rest like I am supposed to, I'm actually doing stuff around the house that needs to be done.
I did the dishes, laundry, some dusting and we all cleaned the cat boxes out before Mark went off to his friend's house for the night, but the humidity in here today is crazy high!
I'm sitting here sweating, the AC is on, I have fans going, and I'm sweating, and Sebastian is too.
I don't need a basement dehumidifier because I don't have a basement, (no basements in Florida heh) but I do need a dehumidifier for this house.
I would probably put it in the big back room where the washer and dryer are, or in the kitchen/dining room area, but yeah, we definitely need a dehumidifier.
I know that it's almost cooler temps, almost winter, but this kind of humidity will last us at least two to three more months, and it's really awful sitting in this house and sweating.
Gah.
I feel like I'm going to need to take another shower today, I probably will right before bed so that I can try to get some decent sleep without being all hot and sweaty.

September 27, 2010

It has been just a crappy time lately.

It started last Wednesday the 15th, hitting that curb at 65mph, it just really did me in.
I was in pain for days, well, I am still in pain, but by the following Monday, it was much worse.
I woke up on Monday the 20th with both of my arms completely numb and stiff, I could barely move them, my hands were locked in this really odd position, like just totally locked up.
I couldn't hold a pen, a cup, anything, and by that afternoon, the numbness and stiffness had spread to my thighs and was moving down my legs, and had also started to make the left side of my face really numb as well.
When Sebastian got home from school, he tried talking to me and because of the numbness and stiffness, he said that when I replied to him, I was slurring my speech really bad, so he called an ambulance.
The ambulance showed up, took my vitals, and then rushed me to the hospital where I was immediately given some heavy duty muscle relaxers and pain medicine, and something to calm me down because I was hyperventilating, I didn't even know that I was, but they said I was, so I guess that I was. haha
They did xrays and a CT scan and said that the ligaments and tendons in my neck and shoulders were all torn up.
I knew something had gone wrong when we hit that curb, I just knew it, felt it, something ripped and I was right.
The ER doc put me on some new meds and ordered me to bed rest, so that's why my posting has been totally sporadic and stuff this last week and a half or so.
I'm not even supposed to be sitting here now, so shhh, don't tell on me.

After I left the ER, Chris, Mindy's husband, picked me up and took me to Walgreen's to get the new meds the doc had prescribed for me, and they proceeded to give my ID and Medicare card to a different customer.
Yup.
My ID and Medicare card are in the hands of someone else, and apparently, that someone has decided to keep them because I haven't gotten them back in the mail or anything, they're just gone.
I hope they don't think that they can open a line of credit with my info, I have really bad credit. Ha!
But I have reported my ID and Medicare card as lost/stolen to the police and Medicare, so if anyone tries to use them, it will get flagged and they'll get busted.

It's just been a week or so of complete crap for me, I honestly should be used to this kind of stuff by now ya know?
It's always something with me, if something can go wrong, IT WILL go wrong for me.
If this kind of crap keeps happening, like if it doesn't end soon, I'm going to start needing some products for hair loss because I'm ripping it out slowly every time that I get so stressed out.
I'm not kidding either, I actually caught myself pulling strands of hair out the other day.
Single strands at a time, but pulling them out, it's like a nervous habit that I've picked up now.
Not good.

I was supposed to go in for a cervical epidural this morning but didn't make it because my ride's car wouldn't start and it was far too late to call anyone else.
Now I have to call someone else and ask them if they can take me, then schedule my appointment around their schedule, because the epidural takes 3-5 hours and the person who takes me has to be able to pick me up and help me walk and get in out of the car and house when I get home because I won't be able to walk on my own.

I don't know.
Things just keep getting all screwed up for me, I really should be used to it, I don't know why I get so surprised when things happen, but I always do.
And my neighbors are driving me crazy too, they intentionally ran over my trash and recycle bins tonight because she's mad at me for not doing something for her that she wanted me to do.
Too bad.
I do and do and do for so many people, and when it comes time for me to need their help, like a freaking ride to get medical treatments, they don't come through, they say they can't, so I'm sick of it and said no, I put my foot down and said no, and so now she's mad at me and taking it out on my garbage cans.
How childish can you get?

September 19, 2010

Injuries, so-called friends, & stuffing emotions.

It's been an absolutely crappy last few days, a total roller coaster, and pain, both physical and emotional.

I had my doctor appointment Wednesday morning at 9:45am, and I forgot to take my drink with me, and I have to have a drink just in case I have to take a pee test, so I asked my friend to stop anywhere between my house and the doc's so I could get a drink.
Well, we're flying down Bee Ridge Road, she sees a gas station, and with no warning, she just pulls a wicked right hand turn, I don't even think she used a blinker, and she went up and over one of those parking lot curbs on just the passenger side of the car, my side.

The right tire went up and over, and all of my titanium felt like it went up into my skull and slammed back down into my tailbone, and then the back right tire went up and over, and again, the titanium felt like it went up into my skull and slammed back down again.
I am still in a world of hurt from hitting that curb around 65mph, days later.

Then!
I was so upset about some text messages that I received, approximately 27 of them over the course of just an hour, that when I went to get out of the car at the pharmacy, I fell out, landed on my hands and knees, and again, all of the titanium felt like it got slammed around in there.
I am still in so much pain.

Those text messages, ugh.
A so-called friend of like 7 years, was ripping into me because I said no to her latest request of wanting more of my time and things that I have.
She's always asking me for stuff, cigs, laundry soap, to fix her computer, all kinds of stuff, and this time, she knew that I got my food stamps on Wednesday, so she asked me to let her buy them off of me for .50cents on the dollar, I said no, I don't sell them, ever, they are for me to buy my family food.
She started texting in all caps that she needed the food stamps to buy food for her house because she spent the money her husband gave her for groceries on drugs, and so if she didn't get the groceries, he was gonna be furious and know that she was using.
I said that wasn't my problem, I wouldn't be selling her my stamps, no, sorry.
She spent the next 20 some-odd text messages absolutely berating me, calling me names, telling me that I was a terrible friend to her, that I never help her, that she's always helping me, doing things for me, so I owed her this, that technically, I should just give her ALL of my stamps, so many really horrible things, I was just absolutely crushed, devastated, that she was saying all of that to me.
The friends that I was with who took me to the doc's, they read the messages and were just floored, telling me that wasn't right for her to be talking to me like that, and also to do it by text message was just super cowardly too.
I just had such a horrible day on Wednesday between the curb accident, falling out of the car, and those messages, just a really, really, super bad day.
My blood pressure has been through the roof, I haven't been sleeping hardly at all, but insomnia is nothing new for me.
But then today around 11am, I passed out cold on the couch and didn't wake up until almost 8pm.
I just passed out from total exhaustion I guess.
I am also an emotional eater.
When I am really super sad and stressed out, I eat, and eat, and eat.
I had bought a red velvet cake on Wednesday when I went shopping, the cake WAS slightly smaller than a pound cake in width and length, and it WAS to die for.
Because of how upset I was, crying, yelling, screaming, and in so much physical pain too, I just ate that entire cake all by myself in 3 sittings/slices.
I can't believe that I did that, I haven't stuffed like that in years and years, but Wednesday, everything that happened, all of the pain, physical and emotional, I stuffed big time and ate an entire cake all by myself.
I feel really horrible about doing that because I've done so well with my weight loss, so the emotional stuffing, wow, that was just so bad and I really haven't done that in years.

Anyway, when I went to the store, I only got a few things to make a few meals, so I do need to go back and I was hoping that the coupons my mom said she sent me would have come today, but oh well, they didn't, so I'll just wait until they come to do the rest of my shopping.
I need to and like to save as much money on groceries as possible.
I am still so upset about what my "so-called friend" did and said, all over MY food stamps.
She behaved like I should have just given them to her, like I should have just done it so that her husband didn't catch her doing drugs again.
She's been doing them for a long time and he said if he caught her again, he was going to leave, so she just expected me to cover for her, let her go buy their groceries so she didn't get caught, and when I said no, she accused me of wanting her to get caught.
I don't give a crap what people do, but just don't expect me to fix it for them, ya know?
Just don't demand that I fix your mistakes, and that's what she did to me, demanded that I let her spend my food money so she doesn't get caught, and all of the things that she said to me, still hurt me, I am still so so upset by it all, it still hurt really bad.

September 15, 2010

Doctors, friends, and shopping.

I had some friends spend the night with us last night, it was so great to have them here, spend the night talking, laughing, just hanging out.
I have so missed having them around, so when they asked to come spend the night, I said "Of course, come right over!"
They are taking me to my doctor appointment this morning around 9am, so it was much easier for them to spend the night anyway, but our visits have been so rare lately that having them hang out overnight was just really great.

I have a couple things to talk to my doctor about today, like my insomnia, my weight loss, and my nerves.
Well, anxiety, to be more specific.
I have just been so stressed out lately, for months it feels like, and it probably has been months, just building and building up inside me, and it has been slowly seeping out in these tiny little explosions of both extreme anger and extreme sadness.
I have either been screaming mad or crying uncontrollably, and then it shuts off as quickly as it started, so I need to talk to him about it, it has really been bothering me to be an emotional roller-coaster, jumping at the slightest sounds, crying, yelling, just all over the place.

I also need to talk to him about my super quick weight loss because it's bothering people.
Yes, MY weight loss is bothering people.
It has taken me a full year to lose 46lbs and keep it off, not gain any of it back, and still losing more weight.
In July 2009, I weighed 196, I now weigh 150 on the dot, and I am still losing more.
I've lost 46lbs slowly over the course of a year, but it's really bothering some people.
I've been told that I look totally unhealthy, that I've lost too much weight, and that there must be something wrong with me like an eating disorder or something, all because I'm losing weight.
I know that I lose weight in my legs really quickly, I lose it in my arms and legs before I start losing it in my midsection, so when people see my skinny legs, they assume that the rest of my body is just as thin but they can't tell because I wear baggy shorts and shirts.
So just to shut some people up, *cough neighbor lady cough* I'm going to ask my doctor if I'm OK, if the amount of weight that I've lost is too much for my height, frame, and age, BUT I am going to tell him that it took me a year to lose those 46lbs, that I didn't drop it all in like two or three months, but I am also kind of curious if I'm OK, which I'm sure that I am, but people have made me a little self-conscious about it now.
I HATE that.
I hate how other people's perceptions of us, well me, affect me and my thinking about myself.
I was all proud of myself that for the first time in years, I'm down to 150 again, and now their opinions of how I look too thin has me worried that maybe I am too thin.

After I go to the doctor's, I need to take the teen's computer back to Geek Squad because they repaired it, but didn't actually repair it.
The computer is still doing the exact same thing that it was doing when I first brought it to them a month ago, and they replaced the motherboard to repair a video problem that we didn't even have, they wiped out the hard drive of all of our programs, and then said it was fixed, and told us to come pick it up.
We brought it home, plugged it in, and a disc started to auto-run.
They left one of their disc in it, one of their testing discs.
We took the disc out, rebooted, and it did the exact same things that caused us to bring it in for repair the first time, over and over and over.
When we picked it up, they never plugged it in to show us that they had it working like they are supposed to do either.
Had they plugged it in to show us, they would have realized that they left one of their discs in there.
I have already spoken to the store manager, he's expecting me to bring it in for repair, again, this week.

Then after that, I need to go to the pharmacy, and then much later on today because doing all of that this morning is going to wipe me out for awhile, do the grocery shopping at Publix.
And speaking of my neighbors, the landlord came over and warned them again about being careful flushing when it rains heavy, and also about NOT flushing things like baby wipes because the septic system cannot handle it.
He also told them that they need to switch to a septic-safe toilet paper like Scott instead of any kind of toilet paper that says super soft, quilted, 3 ply, etc etc.
The paper needs to be septic-safe, and Scott is as safe as it gets.
He also told them that they also need to be putting down one single box of Rid-X every single month too, not just me, but there are three of them using both of their bathrooms, so they need to dump just one box per month down there.
And boy, didn't she complain about that!
Oh my god! You would have thought he told her to replace the entire septic system because she complained about the cost of of that one single box like it was simply going to break her finances and budget every month!
It only costs $4.99, that's it, and it just has to be done once per month, but she complained and complained like the stuff costs $1,000.00 per box!
I really do not miss this stuff about them living next door.

September 9, 2010

So frustrated!

Ever since my old neighbors moved back in, we've been having problems with the plumbing and septic system again.
They keep plugging up the toilet, and this causes our toilet to back up and overflow into the house.
Tonight, well last night, they plugged up their toilet and it overflowed, this caused my back bathroom and bedroom to flood because it was their back bathroom that was plugged up and overflowing, and it also caused my main bathroom toilet to back up and start to overflow.
The teens quickly helped me take care of it, soaking up the water with towels and mops, but ugh!
So damn frustrating!
They've only been moved back in a short time now, like a little less than three months, and in just that short amount of time, they have caused this to happen at least a dozen times!
I am getting so tired of having to plunge our toilet, soak up water, and run laundry.
I have warned them repeatedly that it's septic, that when it rains heavy, like it does every single day in the summer for at least 20 minutes, that you have to be super careful flushing the toilets because the ground gets too saturated and the drain field can't take the pressure.
They simply do not listen!

But oh, she'll listen if it's something that's super important to her like me helping her understand her disability insurance paperwork and helping her fill it all out correctly every time they send her stuff to fill out.
I'm the one she came to for help when she was applying for disability, I'm the one who told her how it works, how they deny everybody just to see who is really serious and who isn't.
I'm the one who helped her through the appeals process and all of it, she listens so attentively when it's something like that, but when it comes to flooding the damn duplex, she simply will not listen to me!

I've told her that you have to use septic safe toilet paper like Scott, that if she uses baby wipes to keep herself clean, that they absolutely, positively, cannot be flushed.
But do you know what the landlord fished out of the septic lines when it got clogged when they lived here before?
That's right!
Baby wipes!!
I'm just really angry and frustrated that she will not listen, that she keeps flushing things down there that is clogging it up, causing it to overflow and back up into the house.
Every morning I have to have the plunger ready just in case it starts to back up because they get up at 5am and she uses baby wipes every morning.
I've told her so so many times to NOT flush them, and she insists that they are septic safe.
Just because it says so on the box does not mean that OUR septic system can handle them.
It's a very old duplex, the septic system is as old as the house, you have to be careful until they finally get around to adding us to the city sewer grid which they've been promising for as long as I've lived here, 12 years.
I'm just really tired and frustrated right now.

August 31, 2010

When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep, you're never really awake.

I have insomnia again, surprise, surprise!
I rarely if ever sleep anymore, and on the very rare nights that I do manage to fall asleep, it's usually very, very late, like around 4:30am-5:30am, and by then, Carmine the indoor-outdoor stray we've adopted, starts to literally smack me in the face with his paw, and then start meowing very loudly directly into my face for me to get up, because that's when he wants to go out.
Now.
I try to ignore it as long as I can, but I can't, so I get up, let him out, pee, and then I'm wide awake again.
Tonight is one of those nights where I can't sleep, so if he wants out tonight, at least he won't have to paw my face off to go out, one meow should do just fine.

Having chronic insomnia makes you feel odd, out of place, not right with the world in any way at all.
It is actually extremely depressing.
When you don't get hardly any sleep for days and days on end, when the depression from not sleeping starts to creep in, the thoughts also start to creep in.
One of the things Mark and I talked about was suicide.
We talked about Rachel, and we talked about how I'm too much of a coward to do it to myself.
And it's true, I am a coward.
He did ask me though, that if I were ever going to do it, why would I do it, would be it because of the never-ending pain, the never-ending medications, just what would it say on the note if I did do it and left a note.
It didn't take me very long to think about it at all, I know what my note would say.
It would say exactly the following:

No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try or have tried, no matter what good I do or good I have done, it will NEVER be enough for people. It will just never, ever be enough. They will always find faults with me, look right past all of the kindness and good that I do and have done, they will always point of my faults in detail, they will never let them go, they will never see me as anyone but a screw-up. I could win the Powerball lottery, like $300 million, I could give every single one of my family members $10 million each, I could donate millions to charity, I could do so many good deeds with it, and someone somewhere, WILL say that I am not being genuinely generous, that I am simply doing it to make people think that I'm a good person, that I'm just trying to buy love and respect, but you can bet your ass they would all still keep the money, keep it to "teach me a lesson."

I'm sorry, I really am just having such a super hard time tonight, the pain that I am feeling is burning me to my core, I haven't stopped crying in several hours now, so I apologize for being such a downer this evening.
I really do because I love all of you, my faithful readers who have been with me for years, read and listen to me, relate to me, and without this blog and all of you, I can't say that I would have made it this long, so thank you, all of you, for being with me on this roller coaster that is my life.
___________________________________

You know what I want?
Afterr wasting many hours browsing the internet tonight, I found that I want one of those unlocked phones so I can go with any company, and I'd probably stick with my same company, but I'm like dying to try to get and have one of those "crackberry" phones that everyone talks about.
People brag about how it's like the absolute best phone ever, it's addictive, and I suppose that's why they have nicknamed it the "crackberry".
I do love my current phone, it works awesome, but someday I would really like to have one of the latest and greatest cell phones like everyone else has just so that I can say yeah, I have a crackberry too.
You gotta be somebody just like everybody else.

August 31, 2010

Rainy, hard, educational days.

While Sebastian was at school today, Mark and I had a very long talk about a lot of things.
It started out with how he was feeling about some stuff, some issues that he didn't quite know how to bring up to me.
I told him the same thing that I have always told my sons, "No matter what you say to me, I promise I will not get mad at you, ever, I may hurt, but I won't get mad, and I PROMISE that I will NEVER stop loving you."

So he told me some things about how some people who have been in my life just a little bit longer than my sons have, just some of my extended family, really feel about me.
I am hated actually, and I can understand why, I really can.
I'm one of the only ones in my extended family who has never forgiven my ex-husband for the things that took place during all of the short years we were together.
He's a changed man you see, yet I have not forgiven him like they all have.
He's never asked for it, he's never apologized, so how can I forgive someone who has never apologized or asked to be forgiven?
I have not forgotten or forgiven him for the things that he's done to me or to my sons, he hurt my sons terribly, and I love them more than my own life.

The conversation with Mark went on for hours, things that I am being accused of doing, still, but now by them, people who live in Maine, thousands of miles away, people who never see me or speak to me unless I pay for us to fly up there.
I just love being accused of doing all kinds of drugs, not just the drugs that my doctor prescribes to me on a monthly basis, but hardcore street drugs, like cocaine, and heroin.
Did you all know that I was shooting up?
Between my toes so that there's no visible track marks on my arms or body?
Did you know that?
Did you know that they sit and talk about how I need to go in for some very serious opiate detox very soon?
I'm not to be trusted with money, ever, I'm a thief, a liar, a strung-out junkie and a horrible mother.
Did you know those things?!?

Yes, these are the things that I am told that I am and am doing, they are told to my sons who spend day after day with me, they would know if I was doing those things, they would see me doing those things, yet, at the very same time I am all of those things, I am expected to come up with enough money to fly the three of us up north to Maine every single year so that the teens can visit all of their family.
I am a disabled and single mother living on a very limited income, yet I'm supposed to somehow come up with ALL of the money to fly us all up there every year before the older relatives die ya know?
Does anyone, has anyone, EVER offered to help me buy the plane tickets for us to get up there?!
Hell no!
Have any of them ever come here to visit us?
Hell no!
It's expensive dammit!
And oh forbid that I say that I can't afford it one year, I am guilted so bad for it, but um, hello?!
Did y'all miss the part about me being a single and disabled parent living on a very, very limited income?!

I do the absolute very best that I can every single day of my life.
I pay the bills, I buy the food, I work as much and as hard as I can, I take damn good care of my sons, they have turned out really amazingly well, and believe me, it was not because anyone helped me, I did it all by myself.
People who sit in judgment of me, saying all of those horrible things, hating on me, yet my sons have turned out incredible, and that is because of me, so if I am so freaking bad, how did they turn out so damn good huh?
HUH?!?!?

I would really, absolutely, sooo TOTALLY LOVE for that Freaky Friday kind of stuff to be true.
I would love for all of the people who sit in judgment of me, to spend just 24-48 hours in my body, in my life, do what I do every single day of my life, live it.
Hell, spend a week inside my body, swap souls with me, live my life, and then at the end of it, I can guarantee that they will be BEGGING to go back to their own bodies and lives, and then maybe they will shut up and leave me and mine alone.
What's that saying?

"Before you accuse, criticize, and abuse- walk a mile in my shoes".

August 26, 2010

What a rainy, crazy, and crappy week it has been.

It has been raining off and on all week long, and when it rains, I am a totally useless lump of flesh on the couch.
I haven't been able to do much of anything at all, I've been in far too much pain to do anything, and I have been sick on top of it, so yeah, just miserable.
___________________

On Tuesday morning, I received a text message from Moe, the guy who owns the corner store, a really great guy, who was letting me know that Rachel, the girl who worked there and was a friend to me, had killed herself sometime around 2am Tuesday morning.
She left her purse, cell phone, all of her things at the store around midnight, said that she was going home, but something snapped I guess, and she ended up hanging herself in the little wooded area right behind the corner store.
I've walked up to the corner store and back a few times now, and there is now a cross, flowers, and 4 large candles placed there for her.
This afternoon when I was on my way to the pharmacy and grocery store, I stopped and lit all 4 of the candles for her. The rain had put them all out.
I said a few words for her as I lit them, I said that I hoped that she finally was at peace now, that whatever it was that drove her to that, hopefully, she was at peace now. I also said that if I had known she was thinking of doing that, that I would have gladly talked to her, that I would have been a friend to listen, and a shoulder to cry on, that I would have tried to help her.

I know all too well that feeling of hopelessness, of feeling like there's no way out of the current and horrible situation that drives you to think of suicide, and that if she had only talked to someone, maybe it didn't have to end that way.
I know that's what happened for me.
In 2001 when I had to stop working, when I got the wicked bad news about my back, I felt so lost and hopeless, like a total failure as a mother, I couldn't work anymore, how was I going to provide for my boys, what was I going to do, how the hell was I going to get out of this super mess?!?
My landlord, of all people, just happened to knock on my door on one of the days that I was crying uncontrollably and thinking of ending it all, he asked what was wrong, and it all just came spilling out of me like a flood.
He came in to my home and talked to me for hours, he gave me so many reasons to not kill myself, he saved my life that day, and I have never thought of suicide again, and the very few times that it has slipped back into my head, the words he said to me that morning come back.
If only someone had been there for Rachel, if only someone had asked her what was wrong, maybe it wouldn't have ended this way.
If I had known she was thinking of suicide, if I had only known that she was feeling so lost and hopeless, I know that I would have talked to her, I would have repeated the same words my landlord said to me, maybe it would have made a difference, maybe it would have helped, or maybe it wouldn't have, there's really no way to know now.
All I can do now is hope that she's finally at peace, that whatever it was that brought her to hang herself, was finally over for her.
_______________________

In other news, Sebastian started school again on Monday, they didn't have him registered for any classes yet, none, so he had to sit and wait for almost 3 hours while they figured out why he didn't get signed up for any of the classes he had registered for, then register him for them again, and print his schedule.
Ugh.
Then on Wednesday, the teens had to go and give their depositions in the "iced tea mugging", so he missed a day of school for that and the vice principal is demanding he bring in proof that he was doing depositions, she wants the actual subpoena, not a copy, and uh, sorry, he needs those for the courts, so she's getting a photocopy of it, like it, lump it, or suck it.
________________________

This morning started out really good.
The sun finally poked back out, and I got an email from Lori at A Cowboy's Wife, letting me know that I had won the giveaway she had on her blog for an awesome pair of Langston's cowboy boots!
I have been given the promo code to go to the site and pick out my pair and order them, yay!
These are the ones that I really like, so I'm pretty sure that they are the ones that I'm going to get.
________________________

The sun came out, I won a great giveaway, and I got paid a day early so I was able to go and pick up my meds, pay a bill to keep the lights on, and get some groceries for the house.
Hopefully things just keep getting better from here on out!

August 18, 2010

Whoah, been a few days huh?

As soon as I finish this post, I need to go hop in the shower to get ready for my doc appointment.
Well not hop in the shower, I cannot hop at all these days, but you know what I mean, I need to get in the shower and take a shower so I can be all nice and clean for my doc appointment today.
I am going to my doctor's new practice today for the first time.
He and his PA (Physician's Assistant) Mary left the old practice they were at and are now at a new one, so I am headed there this morning for my appointment.
It was supposed to be last week, but that was at the old practice with the other doctor that has never once treated me, so I had to be rescheduled for today because they moved.
I really don't mind even though it is in a different part of town, I have a ride there and back, so no biggie at all.

OK, time to go get ready and get my butt in gear to go.
Later days!

August 10, 2010

Rain, sick, sleepless.

I have been sick and in pain for like the last four to five days now, and it has totally sucked.
Between the rain and my arthritis, my back, insomnia, and meds running low, I have just been a totally useless waste of flesh laying around the house.

Sebastian spent most of the weekend at my sister's house, and Mark spent most of the weekend at his friend Jeff's house playing video games, so I didn't feel quite so bad about being so sick and sleeping off and on, complaining about my pain and the crappy rainy weather.
No one was here to listen to me. haha

I spent the whole weekend either sleeping for 15-30 minutes at a time or watching movies when I had insomnia and just couldn't sleep at all.
I watched the entire Indiana Jones collection, Iron Man, The Karate Kid, and a ton of other movies that the names are currently drawing a blank on me.

The only thing of any real importance that happened this weekend is that my doctor's PA Mary, (physician's assistant) called me on Sunday afternoon, and she told me that my doctor and her are no longer at the office that they were previously at, and she gave me all of the new information on where they are and stuff, and so then today, I called and scheduled my appointment with them for this month instead of at my old office.
I never saw the other doctor from that practice, so I want to stick with my doc and the PA Mary if I can, so I did.
I have no idea why they left, but hey, whatever, as long as I get in for my appointments every month I'm happy. I'll ask why they left when I go in to see them.

I figured that I should at least check in here in case anyone was wondering about me.
Not that many people do anymore, and I know that it's because my posting has become totally sporadic, I often don't post for days at time and I wish I could get back on track, but I don't know, I just feel so out of it for the last few months.
Like I wake up in the morning and just feel, empty, blank, just totally empty.
Ever feel that way?
Like not sad, not happy, no depressed, not hungry, not tired, not sleepy, not anything, just blank, empty feeling, like no emotions at all.
Empty.
That's the best way that I can explain things.
Empty.

August 3, 2010

To sleep, perchance to sleep?

Well Momma Maggie and her four babies have gone on to their new home today, just right through my back yard!
My friends got a duplex apartment on the street right behind me, and their back door faces the back of my house, so we can go visit with the kitty babies any time that we want to.
That's really good as we've loved having them here, it's always fun to have baby kitties around, and Momma Maggie was just so sweet and loving, and she let us hold her babies too.
They were all so soft, they had that new kitten smell, it's like a brand new baby smell, but from a cat.
They mewed so tiny and sweet, they slept in funny positions, it was just a lot of fun having them here.

I think that I'm finally exhausted enough to sleep, at least I hope I am.
It's now been five days, maybe six, that I haven't slept at all, and I feel like I'm running on fumes.
Well that's not totally true, I'm actually running on Diet Coke, Pall Mall Lights, and sugar cookies.
After so many days of not sleeping, I can't even really eat a meal, it makes me feel sick, so I just drink my Diet Cokes, smoke, and ingest sugar to keep me going until my body finally decides to let me sleep.
I know, not a healthy way to do things, and yes, I know all about the smoking, but I'm doing the best that I can do here.
I have been suffering from terrible bouts of insomnia for about the last five to six years now.
I'll go for days and days without sleeping at all, maybe catch a few minutes dozed off in my chair, or maybe 15 minutes or so on the couch, but these last few days, I haven't gotten any sleep at all, not even one single minute, so I'm so totally exhausted, my brain is completely fried, I am not even sure if I'm thinking clearly or not at this point.
I feel like I'm rambling on and on,yet I can barely type at all, my hands and fingers feel so very heavy, I keep making mistakes, having to click on the spell checker or backspace to correct my mistakes.

Before I try to go to sleep though, I have quite a few emails that I need to answer, I have been putting a few of them off for at least four to five days, so now I need to answer them.
Hopefully it's not too late to answer some of them, they didn't say they were time sensitive, but you never know, some people expect a reply within 24 hours, and if they don't get it, they just don't want anything at all to do with you after that.
I really hope that's not the case with some of them, they seemed kind of interesting to me so I'll keep my fingers crossed that I haven't lost my chance to talk with some of these people.

Anyway, I am going to go answer those emails now, hopefully answer those emails now. haha
And then yes, I am going to go lay down, and I am pretty sure that this time, I'll be able to fall asleep.
I really do think that tonight's the night.
Yes I do.

July 31, 2010

A very long and rough night for a friend of mine.

I have permission from my friend Nik, who this is about, to post this.
I have blogged about Nik a few times on here, and before I left to come back home tonight, I asked her if it was OK for me to blog about this just in case some people may be wondering where I was and what I was doing all night long.
I know I don't lead a terribly exciting life, but I do get emails from friends every so often asking me why I haven't posted, asking if I am OK or not because I haven't posted.
So this will explain where I was all night long.

My friend Nik was on her way to pay her cell phone bill and get it turned back on, she was a little late making the payment so they shut her off, and so she was going to pay it in person and get it turned back on, and then run a few more errands before coming back home and then her and I were going to have a movie night up at her place.
She stopped at a Hess gas station in Bradenton to get some drinks for her and her eight year old daughter L. who went with her, and when they got back to the truck, her daughter got in on the driver side, slid over, Nik threw her keys and cell phone on the seat next to her daughter and was just about to throw her purse in and hop in the truck herself, when some guy hit her on the back of the head really hard, grabbed her purse, and took off.
Nik never saw him, she got hit in the head from behind, it dropped her to her knees she said, so she never even got a glimpse of the guy, and her poor little daughter L., was so scared and freaked out, all she can remember seeing was a black man in a white tank top and dark colored pants, she was just so scared because she saw her mommy get hit, heard her mommy scream and cry, and so that is all she saw, a black man in a white tank top and dark colored pants.
Nik called the cops from the store phone, she never even got to get to the cell phone place to turn her phone back on yet, the cops showed up did their thing, took her and her daughter's statements, asked other people if they saw anything, then the cops had to call Hess corporate to be able to review the video surveillance tapes of the parking lot to try and get a look at the guy, try to see how he escaped, either on foot, bike, or a car, and hopefully, if it was a car, get the make, model, and HOPEFULLY, a plate number to try and catch this jerk.
Nik had to go to the hospital in Bradenton to get checked out and luckily she didn't get her head split open, but she has one hell of a knot on the back of her head, and her poor little girl is absolutely terrified.
Nik is not allowed to go to sleep because of the possibility of a concussion, so I had to go up to her apartment up the street and stay with her to keep her awake until G., her daughter's father and her roommate, (they are not together as a couple but live together for the sake of their daughter, looonnnng story) came home from wherever he was so he could keep her awake for the rest of the night.
He came home around 1:45am and I stayed for a little bit to help Nik explain to him what had happened and why she has to be kept awake all night.
I also told him that I took L. to her grandparent's house, his parent's house, who so conveniently (thank goodness they do in situations like this!) live right across the street from their apartment building.
I told the grandparents what had happened, why poor little L. is so scared and upset, and so they hugged her tightly and are going to be taking care of her for the whole night, letting her sleep over their house, cuddling with her, and letting her know that everything will be OK in the way that only grandparents have that special way of somehow making the grand-kids really believe that everything really is going to be alright.
L. was just crying and sobbing, and she was holding onto my hand so tightly as she and I crossed the street to go to their house, and she kept saying that a really, really bad man had hit her mommy on the head and took her purse, he hurt her mommy bad, she kept repeating to me as we crossed the street and knocked on their door.
She just fell into her grandmother's arms when she opened the door.
Poor little thing. *wicked sad face*

So anyway, I just got back home a little bit ago.
But poor Nik.
She had just got her first SSI monthly check in the mail, yesterday, Friday, and she had just cashed it and was on her way to pay and get her cell phone turned back on, and then she was going to go pay her car insurance bill, and then come home and she, L. and I, were going to have a girl's movie night at her place.
But it was so wicked hot out, so she stopped for waters for her and L. at a Hess gas station.
The guy must have been in line behind her, or next to her, or something, saw the amount of money in her wallet, and just went for it, decided to take her whole purse, violently.
She said if he had spoken to her, if he had just asked for the money, or just threatened to hurt her for the money, that she would have just handed him all of the money as long as he didn't hurt her or her daughter, she would have just given it to him to avoid a violent confrontation in front of her daughter, she would do anything to protect her child.
He hit her so hard in the back of the head so she doesn't even know if he used his closed fist or if he had some sort of weapon in his hand, she just knows it hurt really super-wicked bad and dropped her to her knees.
She has a massive lump on the back of her head where she got hit, so she is really lucky that whatever he hit her with, didn't split her head wide open, the lump is that freaking huge.

Nik is so upset, and not just about the lump and the pain and the money, but because she had just cashed that check, it was her very first check after finally being approved for SSI and SSDI after almost 4 years of court hearings and doctors, and paperwork up the butt to finally get approved.
It was the very first check in what feels like a never ending battle to get approved, that first check is like a huge sigh of relief when it finally comes, it just takes all of the stress and worry off of your shoulders that you've been carrying around for all of the years that you have been fighting to get approved for your disability.
She just got a new set of MRIs and saw her doctor, he is talking major surgery, spine fusion surgery, and she is so scared, so she and I have been talking a lot about it, I've been there, done that, so I can help her get through it.
Anyway, it was just a monthly check, not the big retroactive check, that would have really sucked, but still, it was a lot of money to have taken that way, almost $500 just ripped from her violently in front of her daughter, and not to mention everything else in her purse.
Her license, her social security card, her food stamp card, medicaid card, her prescription insurance card, her bank and debit cards, freaking everything was in her purse, so not only did I have to help keep her awake all night long until G. came home, but we had to call as many places as we could that were still open for customer service calls and tell them to cancel all of the cards, give them the police report case number so the cards could all be marked as stolen.
Thank goodness all of them had the press the number option to report your card as lost or stolen, so we were able to report every single one of them as stolen, and I also had her call the three credit reporting agencies so they could put alerts on her credit reports just in case something happens and her SS card number doesn't get canceled immediately by the SSA.

The whole late afternoon and night were a freaking nightmare for her.
The attack happened around 3pm or so, maybe a little later, and she didn't get home from Bradenton and the hospital until around 8pm when she called me up crying really hard and begging me to come up to her apartment, she begged me for help, she didn't even know where or how to begin reporting things as stolen, and her head hurt really bad, she was just sobbing and begging me for help, so with the teens gone for the night to my sister's house, I immediately got myself dressed and walked straight up to her place.
I did every single thing that I could think of to report all of her cards as stolen, and a few of the places that we called gave us some other numbers to call for some of her other things that were stolen, so I think we got it all covered and taken care of, I hope.
Identity theft really sucks so I really hope that we got everything canceled ASAP.
What helped a lot was that I made her remember and write down a list of every single card that she could recall being in her wallet slot by slot, visualize the contents of the wallet, so that I could look up all of the telephone numbers for each one so that she could call them and explain, I kept track of each one as we called it, checking it off of the list, made sure she gave each one the police report number and everything that she needed to tell each place when she called.
I had written it all down for her so that she wouldn't be stumbling over her words not knowing exactly what to say.
It was so hard for her, she was in such wicked bad pain, I kept changing out her ice pack for her, getting her drinks of water, hugging her when she started to break down and cry again, and she was trying really hard not to cry when she was speaking to people on the phone, but her whole purse with everything in it was stolen so violently from her in front of her daughter, it was just such a horrible night for her.

I feel so so bad for her, but I did every single thing that I could think of to do to help her.
I really think just having a friend sitting there on her bed with her, hugging her when she needed it, letting her cry, telling her that things were going to be OK, letting her talk about her very frightening experience, helping to take care of her and her head injury, and making sure her daughter was in a safe place for the night, and just being a good, loving, and supportive friend, is what she really needed to help her get through a very traumatic afternoon and night.
Once G. found out what had happened and he knew that L. was in a safe place for the night, and also knew that his daughter didn't get physically injured, he also was extremely supportive of Nik.
They may no longer be married, they may sleep in separate bedrooms at the apartment, and they may really just be living together for the sake of their daughter, but I saw the look in his eyes as he was listening to Nik tell what happened.
There is still some love there, he still cares very deeply for her, he has never moved on, never gotten into any serious relationships after her, and even though they agreed to split the rent and bills, just live as roommates who happen to be the parents of L., he just pays everything and doesn't complain.
I really think that he takes care of his family because that is how he sees it, it's his family living in that apartment, and he loves both his daughter and Nik.
Really, the look in his eyes and also the way that he hugged her when she started to cry again, yeah, he still cares for her and loves her very, very much.

July 27, 2010

Trying to stay cool, day 4.

It has been so hot out the last few days, I am totally ready for it to be winter again.
We have just been trying to stay as cool and a comfortable as is possible under these hot temps.
It has only been in the low 90's, but there has been a high heat and humidity index every single day making the 93 degree temperatures feel like 103 degrees.
You take one step outside, and you are immediately covered in sweat.
It is really rather gross and disgusting, take a shower, go out to get the mail, and need another shower.
Yuck.
The poor air conditioner has been struggling to keep the house at 78 degrees, we only have window units, an LG window air conditioner, and it is just working really hard to keep the house cool.

All of the appliances are working over time, so tomorrow I have a plan to clean the dust out of all of them.
I am going to clean the filter on the AC, and have Sebastian and Mark help me move the refrigerator so that I can vac behind it and vac out the refrigerator filters of all of the dust so that it can work more efficiently.
I am also going to clean the hose on the dryer, vac it out and clean the lint filter really good.
If you let dust stay in all of those filters, not only does it have the potential to cause a house fire, but it also causes the appliances to work harder which increases you electric bill.

Tonight we are just chilling out, relaxing and watching movies.
Right now, we are watching Clash of the Titans, and so far, it's not too bad.
It just started, and I know that it got some bad reviews, the story line and script is bad apparently, but the special effects go good ratings anyway.
Meh, it's something to watch, something to do that doesn't take up any energy and make you sweat, so we'll watch it.
Not too much else going on here, really just trying to take it easy and chill out as much as possible.

July 22, 2010

Almost scammed by another pharmacy.

I just woke up after falling asleep in my chair for about five hours.
I fell asleep like that because of sheer exhaustion, insomnia for about the last six days, maybe a total of three hours of sleep over the last six days, plus a lot of stress, and a really horrible day yesterday after leaving my doctor's office.

I left my doc's office, I was in and out in 15 minutes, and went straight to the same pharmacy that I have been going to for the last two years.
As I was waiting to be waited on, I watched as five other people were told that their insurance no longer covered their medications because the price went up.
I listened as the pharmacist told these people that they couldn't pay cash for their scripts either because then they could go call their insurance and try to get reimbursed by saying the pharmacist was making them pay cash.
A lot of angry people left the pharmacy.
I handed in my scripts, waited, and then was told the same thing.
My insurance no longer covered it because the price went up, he was losing money.
I've heard this same kind of story before, been there, done that,

I called my insurance company to find out what to do, to verify it, that they no longer covered it.
My insurance company said they did cover it and they were going to call the pharmacist and find out what the problem is.
So my insurance called him to tell him it was covered, he lied to them and said he didn't have them in stock anyway.
My insurance company said they were looking up other pharmacies to see if they had my pain meds in stock, please hold.
I'm standing in the pharmacy waiting to hear, I needed to be in the AC because it was about 98 degrees with a high heat index and massive humidity, I felt like total crap, I had been sick for the last 4 days, no sleep, I needed to stand there and wait to find out what to do.

As I'm waiting on hold, the pharmacist said that if I really wanted my medications, even though they ARE covered by insurance, if I really wanted them, he was refusing to take my insurance, he told me that if I really wanted my pain medications that I needed to pay $879.90 for my medication, but he would not take my insurance which has a co-pay for me of just $2.50.
He was so totally trying to rip me off!!
This is exactly what that other pharmacy did, but they only extorted me for $20!!
I told him that was not the price of the medicine, that my insurance just told me how much they were for the cash price, and it came to $358.00, not $879.00.
He said the price went up, I either pay it or I don't get my medication.
I said no, that wasn't the price, I was not going to pay that, he was trying to extort me.
While he and I were talking, my insurance company called back, his assistant got him to the phone, the rep I was on hold with came back on the line and I told her what he told me, she relayed that info to the supervisor who was now talking to him, the supervisor told him that he legally cannot charge people whatever price he wants if he accepts insurances which he does.
He started yelling at the supervisor, screaming, said he was not going to fill it, he was losing money, he did not have to fill it if he chose not to, and that yes, he can charge whatever the hell prices he wants.
He then hung up on the supervisor and came around to the front where I was still waiting, glaring at me.
The death stare.
He started yelling at me like he just yelled at the supervisor.
Because I called the insurance company and he got caught in a lie saying my meds weren't covered by my insurance, my insurance company is now investigating him for fraud, so he told me to get the hell out of his pharmacy, I was "dismissed", he told me to get out and that I can never, ever, go back to his pharmacy ever again.

So then I had to go to 3 other pharmacies which didn't have them in stock, then I finally found one that had them, but the wait to get it filled was going to be about 45 minutes to an hour, so I had to sit there and wait for almost an hour after just spending almost two and a half hours dealing with a total jerk and extortionist of a pharmacist, and going to other pharmacies, in and out of the car a whole bunch of times in the heat, I just wasted time all afternoon and my doc appointment was only 15 minutes long, but I spent nearly three hours trying to get them filled!
I was tired, sweating to death, angry, upset, I just wanted to get my meds and go home.
I finally got them filled and came home where the teens had been waiting for hours and hours for me, they kept calling to make sure that I was ok because I'm usually only gone for a max of two hours on doctor day, and now I had been gone for almost three hours and they were worried about me.

Then later that night, Mark asked me to pop this huge zit he had on his forehead, he couldn't get it to pop, he wanted me to use my nails on it.
So I popped his massive, and I do mean MASSIVE zit on his forehead, holy crap that sucker was enormous!
After that, I dug through my medicine cabinet and make-up bin finding all of the 10 - acne products+ that I've bought for the teens over the last six months or so trying to help them clear up their skin, and I washed his face with a cleanser, then I applied a mask for five minutes, washed that off, then I applied a toner and told him to keep his hands off of his face for the rest of the night, if I saw him picking at his skin I was going to dig out some old mittens and tie them to his hands to keep him from picking at the rest of his pimples.
He laughed, but I was so not joking, I said, "Don't push me dude, I had a really bad day, I will so totally tie mittens on your hands to keep you from popping and picking at the rest of your pimples."
He looked at me wide-eyed, knew I was seriously in a bad mood, and swore to not pick at his face for the rest of the night, pinky-swear promised me.

I just can't believe that there are so many unscrupulous pharmacists out there trying to extort people, trying to force people to pay outrageous prices for their medications when they accept insurance but just don't want to wait for the reimbursement or whatever.
This is now the second time that I have had a pharmacist try to extort me, and the second time that my insurance company has had to investigate a pharmacy for fraud.
If my insurance goes back through the records and sees anything that looks suspicious, like price fixing and upping the prices or whatever, he is in so much trouble.
The rep that I was speaking to said that the supervisor was so not happy with him at all, that the supervisor called his actions "shady", said that he was a liar, he had said that he didn't have them in stock, then he said that he did if I wanted to pay $879.00 for them, the supervisor said that he was totally trying to be fraudulent, and so the supervisor was personally going to investigate him.
I hope they do, he was totally shady, totally trying to extort me, and now I wonder just how many other customers he's done it to and because they needed their medications, they just paid it.

July 20, 2010

It's been a totally crappy 4 days.

I started getting sick sometime on Saturday, and between that, my back hurting, and running low on my pain meds, it's been a hellacious 4 days.
I look absolutely awful, I look like I got hit by a truck.
I have huge bags under my eyes from not being able to sleep due to being sick plus the heat, so before I go to my doc appointment tomorrow afternoon, I need to dig through my make-up bin and find my eyeseryl eye cream.
It generally reduces the puffy bags and lightens up the dark circles a little bit so I don't look quite so crappy at my appointment.

Sebastian did make it home safe and sound, Mindy and I picked him up at the Tampa airport around 11:30am on Sunday.
I brought him a sub from Publix and a Coca-cola, some Swiss Rolls, and he was so happy to have it because neither of his flights served him anything.
Everything cost extra money, and even though he had $20, he didn't want to spend $5 on a single can of Coke.
Those prices are ridiculous, so yeah, he was very happy to have some yummy food to eat on the way home.

I'm very happy to have him home though.
I missed him like crazy, just sucks that I've been sick since he came home.

July 15, 2010

I hate my belly pudge.

I have lost a lot of weight over this last year, I am doing really good in the weight loss department I must say.
My starting weight last year at this time was 196 pounds, yeah, I was really heavy.
But over the last year, I have lost a good amount of weight, I am now down to 158 pounds, a 38 pound loss over the course of a year is really pretty good, and I've managed to keep it all off too.
But the one thing that I hate and can't seem to get rid of, is my belly pudge.
Because I can't do sit-ups or crunches, I seem to be stuck with this pudgy belly, so I have been reading a lot of fat burner reviews to see if maybe a product like that would help me melt away some of the pudge.
I really can't stand it, every time I look in the mirror, I hate seeing my fat belly.
I so wish that I could do some sit-ups, crunches, side bends, something, anything that would help me lose my belly.

Has anyone had any success with a fat burner?
If so, did it help you lose any weight, help shape you up a bit better?
I would really love to get rid of this belly, it's the one body flaw that I have that I cannot stand.

July 15, 2010

Huff and puff and blow your house in.

I was laying on the couch this morning trying to rest which was an impossible feat.
I have barely slept at all in the last 3-4 days, so I was trying to get some sleep, but my phone get beeping with text messages from friends stressing out over stuff, and then the door happened.

I was laying here, almost asleep, I was totally dozing off, almost to la la land, when there came a pounding on the door so loud I thought someone was trying to actually come in the house.
Mark got up and answered the door, it was a process server here to subpoena the teens to court over the iced-tea mugging incident.
In August, either the 12th, 13th, 19th, or 20th, at 9:30am, the teens have to be in court to testify against the two teens who mugged them a month ago.
Four days, we don't know which day yet, so basically, they have to be in court on all four of those days just in case the court case gets heard on one of those days.
That's ridiculous!!

July 13, 2010

My new meds are messing with me.

I am on another new med, a new blood pressure medicine, and it's really messing with me after just one dose.
My vision is all blurry so I'm very happy that I have spell checker right now, I can barely see anything, I have my text all zoomed in, and I can still barely see anything.
If this keeps up, I'm gonna tell the doc that I can't keep taking it.
It sucks not to be able to see.

July 7, 2010

Oh! There it is!

For the last couple of weeks I have been in a total funk.
I have had absolutely no motivation to do anything at all, I have been mildly depressed and I hate to admit it, but I have to, talking about it helps, says my doctor.
I have been feeling this way ever since Sebastian told me that he had a decision to make about whether to live up in Maine for a year, or come back here and finish his education.
Every time that we talked on the phone, I have been totally supportive, telling him that no matter what he decided, I would stand behind his decision 100% even though it was ripping my heart out to even think about him not coming back home to stay.
I've done hardly anything at all, my house clearly showed what was going on with me mentally, it was a mess.
I haven't been sleeping, and I have barely eaten anything at all in weeks.
With me, the very best natural diet supplements is the thought of not having either or both of my sons with me for whatever reasons, be it an accident, going away to college, or moving away to live with the other side of the family for a year.
It was killing me inside, I ate probably once every two to three days, and you couldn't really call it eating, it was more like nibbling on a single slice of deli ham at one am or whatever.
I have been laying around on the couch most days just mindlessly watching the tv, or sitting here in my chair and mindlessly surfing the internet.
I had lost all motivation to do anything at all.
My home and work have both been suffering because of it, and I just couldn't shake it.

Then around 1:15-1:30pm this afternoon, my Mom called and then I called her right back because I have free long distance, and I talked to Sebastian for about 45 minutes.
Sebastian is spending the night with my parents to help them out around the house and go grocery shopping with my Mom in the morning because she has a hurt knee and a broken vertebrae, so she needs some help and he's great at grocery shopping, he always goes with me and he's really great at helping.
Sebastian said that he'd be home on the 18th, and I asked if he had made a decision yet because if he chose there, then we needed to hurry and try to get a child custody court date, transfer his school records etc.
He told me, "No Mom, I'm coming home on the 18th for good. I'm going to finish my school and then go to SCF for the required classes, and then try to go to Full Sail for my computer and digital art classes that I want to do for my career."

I was Soooooo happy to hear him say that!
To hear him make his education a priority, that makes me so so SO proud of him!
I feel sad that Great-Gram and Aunt Heather will be sad and miss him terribly, but his education is the #1 priority right now, when he finishes, he can go back if he chooses too.
Gah!!!! I miss him but I'm so happy that he's going to be coming home!
Yay!
Yeuuuusss!!

After I got off the phone with him, it's like my mojo came back!
Mark and I went and did the grocery shopping, and then tonight, I finally cleaned the floors like I have been saying I was going to for oh, about two weeks now.
I vacuumed the rug, and I mopped the totally sucky terrazzo flooring in the kitchen, hallway, and bathroom.
I hate the terrazzo flooring, it is so hard to get clean.
You can mop it repeatedly and it still looks filthy, it's just the way the floor is, it's this yucky stone type stuff, and nobody knows how to get it to look clean.
I've talked to people who clean for a living, and nobody knows how to get it to look good.
You can mop it over and over, your mop will wring totally clear, no more dirt is coming off of the floor or wringing out of the mop, the floor is clean, but you look at the just mopped floor, and it still looks totally gross.
Ugh.
Then I did almost all of the dishes, I have just the silverware and cups left to do, I folded all of the laundry in the drier, and I even cleaned the kitchen counters.

Hearing that my baby boy is coming home and he's going to stay home, totally brought me out of my funk.
I got my motivation back.
Sebastian is coming home on the 18th.
To stay.

July 6, 2010

Been doing nothing much here.

I know that I haven't posted in quite a few days, there just really isn't much of anything going on here.
Mark and I are just hanging out, each of us doing our own thing, it's been really kind of boring around here.
It rained all day yesterday which sucked, the both of us just laid around watching movies because the both of us have arthritis, so the rain just makes both of our backs hurt a lot, so we just laid around so as not to make it hurt even worse.
Mark was digging around in his keepsake box, where he keeps all of the things that are special to him like birthday cards, his collector edition Boba Fett, stuff like that, and that's when he found a gift card to AMC theaters, so he asked me to check the balance on it.
I called the 1-800 number, and it said that he has a balance of $19.50, so that's enough for him and I to go see a matinee and maybe get a small popcorn and a small drink.
There's a movie coming out that he wants to see, the new Predators movie that starts Friday.
We're planing on going to see it sometime next week in the afternoon.
Mark loves the Predator series, so I figure what the hell, we'll go see this new one together, it will give us something to do.
It actually looks pretty decent too.

July 1, 2010

Overwhelming emptiness.

It has been very, very quiet around here, both on my blog and here at home.
I never realized just how much Sebastian and I interacted with each other until he was gone.
Mark and I are very much alike, we go and do our thing and we stay doing our thing, we only interact with each other at meal times and if we're watching a movie or going to the store or something.
Other than that, it's very quiet here.
I am out here at my desk mindlessly surfing the internet or playing with my Sims 3, and Mark is in the other room playing his video games.

I have been a complete wreck without him here, knowing what I know about what's going on up there and the decision that he has to make, and so I have been under a ton of stress.
What used to be my "hives of unknown origin", has now officially been labeled as "stress hives".
When I get stressed, I break out in hives all over every single inch of my body.
We know, the doctor and I, that the hives are from stress because I make a very strict point of not going near any of my triggers, and making sure that none of them come in to the house.
There are never, and never will be, any peaches or strawberries in the house.
Those are my food triggers, and I don't use any of my other triggers either, one of which is the Bounce dryer bar, and thanks to that experience, I am allergic to all fabric softener sheets, so I can only use the Purex 3-in-1 laundry sheets, and I really hope that I never become allergic to those.
After doing some journal writing, writing out the dates that I broke out in hives and what I ate and did, what my mood was, what was going on in my life on those days, my doctor figured out that they are 100% stress related.
At least I know now so that I can attempt to keep my stress under control, but that's not really working right now, not with this situation.
So because of the massive amounts of stress that I have been under, I have been broken out in hives almost every single day, all day and all night long for the last 4 or 5 days.
The Benadryl is not working, but I'm taking it anyway in the hopes that it will eventually kick in and start working.
I also wasn't getting much sleep at all, so I had to pick up some sleep aids when Mark and I were at the store the other day, and so I have been getting about 5 hours of sleep per night now.
That's better than nothing, definitely better than not getting any sleep at all like what was happening, so I'm at least feeling a little better.

I don't know, I am just dealing with it all the very best that I can, just trying to be patient and at least I know that he will be home on July 18th.
That's when his return ticket is for, and I know that at least I will see him when he comes home that day, and then from there, I don't know what will be happening, but at least I will get to see him and hug him again.
I just miss him so very much, I know that I'll probably hug him and not let go until he tells me I'm squishing him or something. hahaha

June 19, 2010

Friday was one of those days.

Yesterday, Friday, I had a couple of things to do to get ready for Sebastian to go on his trip to Maine for a month, and a friend was supposed to take me so that I didn't have to walk everywhere that I needed to go.
I needed to go get the grocery shopping done, and I needed to go down to the credit union and get a letter notarized giving Shell and her husband Ray, temporary medical guardianship of Sebastian.
He's going to be in Maine from Sunday June 20th, until Sunday July 18th, and if he gets hurt, (oh please no) I want Shell and Ray to be the ones who make any medical decisions for him, they can legally sign for medical treatment of him, and no one else.
But because said friend never showed up yet kept saying they were on their way in 30 minutes all day long, absolutely nothing at all got done.
All day long they had excuses, but they kept telling me they were on the way, for me to stay here, wait, they were definitely coming, so I waited, wasted my whole day.
I didn't get the grocery shopping done, and I never made it to the credit union to get the temporary medical guardianship notarized.

I know that going to those two places doesn't sound like a lot to do, but it actually is because of how much time each thing takes me to get done, especially when I'm distracted and stressed out.
I usually do not go grocery shopping with any friends because friends like to talk while I'm trying to shop.
I have a list in my head, I know each aisle, I know exactly what I need, where it is, and how much it's all going to cost, (Hello? OCD much?) but when I'm with a chatty friend, I lose my place on my mental grocery list and end up forgetting to buy at least a dozen or more items which aggravates me to no end when I get home and realize that I don't have a much needed item to make dinner with because it means that I have to go back to the store.
*breathe*
So for today's outing, knowing that I was going to be with a friend who likes to talk and talk and talk, I wrote out a real list, had my coupons ready, I was ready to go and get it all done as fast as possible without being distracted and stressed out.

Why didn't my friend show up?
I'll tell you why.
She was supposed to be here at 11am, but she said that it was just one thing after another, the dogs needed to go out, the pool needed to be cleaned, the counters were dirty, the dryer stopped and she didn't want things to get wrinkled, she was considering going to North Carolina where her mother lives, where she grew up, because she needs to go see her Charlotte dentist that's been treating her since she was five, and then her and her "old man" got into an argument and she was pissed off and thinking about packing up and just moving back in with her mother in North Carolina, and "OMG Kat! He's driving me nuts! But Kat! I'm on the way! just give me 30 more minutes! I am on the way! I will be there!!"
So I waited.
And waited.
And waited.
I really should have just gone, said screw it, and just walked everywhere that I needed to go, got it all done with because now I'm even more stressed out than I already was.
This trip he's taking has me wicked stressed out and worried.
I'm nervous about him flying alone, nervous about him being alone for the layover in New Jersey, nervous he's gonna wait at the wrong gate and miss his flight and be stuck in New Jersey, all kinds of things that a mother worries about when sending her child off alone for the first time.

Just being told over and over that she was on the way in 30 minutes, to stay here and wait, put me in stress overdrive all day long as I watched the hours ticked away.
It just amplified the stress that I was already overloaded with.
See, when I tell someone that I will be somewhere in 30 minutes, I WILL be there in 30 minutes, probably even there in under 30 minutes, because I hate to wait for people, so I don't ever make people wait for me.
Ever.
When someone tells me that they are on the way to get me, I am ready to go.
I have my shoes on, purse by my side, and the blinds open so I can see them pull in the driveway, and as soon as they do, I'm up and closing the blinds and out the door before they even put the car in park.

I did did call another friend to take me to the store to just get the teens something to eat for dinner.
I ran into Publix and grabbed two subs as fast as they could make them, and then came back home thanking my other friend profusely while I was on the verge of tears the whole time, and so now, I have to go do the full grocery shopping today.
It's gonna suck.
Saturday grocery shopping sucks because it's always super busy with people who can't do their shopping during the week due to their work schedules, and tons of old gray hairs whacking me in the butt with their carts.
Then on Monday, I have to go to the credit union and get the temporary medical guardianship notarized, and then stick it and his insurance card in the mail for Shell.
He was going to have the letter and insurance card on him, in his backpack or suitcase, and just give it to Shell when he sees her, or she could go and pick it up at his father's house so it doesn't get lost or anything, but now I have to mail it and just hope he doesn't get injured between the time I mail it and it gets there because Shell and her husband are the only people that I want making medical decisions for him.
I know that Shell knows CPR and other first aid stuff, I know she knows what to do in the event of a broken bone, excessive bleeding, etc etc, plus I know that if he does get hurt and has to be treated, that Shell will call me and keep me informed every step of the way, and ask me what kind of treatment I want him to have.
I didn't want to burden my parents with that duty, they have their own health issues to deal with, and his father doesn't know any of his allergies or other medical history, Shell does, I know that she can answer almost any medical question about him because we practically raised our kids together when I lived there, and even after moving here, I still told my best friend everything about the teens as they grew up.
I know, I sound totally overbearing and that was a massive run-on sentence, but he's my baby, I'm nervous and worried about him, he's never been away from me for this long, ever, he sticks to me like glue, he's my boy, where I go, he goes, so yeah, I'm really super stressed out about this whole trip.
I don't want to be, I want to not feel this way, but I can't help it, I cannot stop feeling like this, I want him to go and have a great time, but I am going to be a nervous wreck the entire month that he's gone.
And I hate it.

June 18, 2010

Amega Amwand product review.

First, I apologize in advance for the length of this post, but this is a very serious product review of a medical device that claims it can completely relieve pain, "remind the body to heal itself", and strengthen the body's immunity, and many, many other medical claims

Second, I am in NO WAY affiliated with Amega Global.
I am NOT an Amega Global distributor.
I DO NOT sell the Amega Amwand, the Amega pendants, or any of the many other Amega products.
PLEASE STOP emailing me asking to sell you these products or asking me for more information, like the research from an independent third party study.
To my knowledge, and I have searched and searched and found none, there has NOT been an independent third party study done, or if it has been done, the results of that study have not been made publicly available on PubMed.gov or anywhere else.

PLEASE, I cannot help you get the information you are looking for.
I've tried and tried myself, and gotten nowhere.
This company, Amega Global, most certainly knows how to keep a secret concerning the results of any independent studies that may or may not have been done, but by the looks and sounds of it, absolutely NO independent studies have been done, Amega Global has not volunteered to allow any of their products to be independently studied and the results publicly published.

About two months ago, I was contacted by a woman named Cheryl who said she had an amazing product that would help me, help me with my back pain, blood pressure, all kinds of things, and she would love it if I would try it out and review it on my blogs.
I agreed to test it out and I have been using it as she told me to ever since receiving it in the mail.
It's called the Amega Amwand, and it claims to use "zero point energy" to help the body heal itself.
I HATE giving these people a link, but I feel that I need to so that people WILL NOT fall for this scam, I need to warn people that this thing is a total scam and costs hundreds of dollars ($304.00) to buy, and all it is is the body of a ball point pen minus the ink and ink chamber.

Click the image below to make it bigger so that you can see a screen capture of the checkout cart for the price of the Amega Amwand, and read the actual product description which says the following, and I quote:
"A futuristic tool that is made up of special combination of granulated materials processed using our proprietary Amized Fusion Technology."

It is one solid piece of metal shaped like a pen, it looks exactly like the image above.
You can pretty much tell that this thing is a scam by the url of the website where they sell it.
The url to purchase this thing has the words "CASHRICHES" in it!
Another of their sites is just one big page all about positioning yourself to get in on this amazing money making scheme!

Cheryl told me that in order to get the most benefits from it, to use it properly, all that I needed to do was to simply "wave" the Amwand over my body, the areas that are in pain, in a clockwise circular motion for 30 minutes, 5 times per day.
"It's vital" she said.
She even told me to "wand" my son Mark with it as well because he is having bad back pain too.
Mark laughed at the idea, but he let me use it on him for the entire two months that I've had it and have been testing it out.
Below are the claims that this "wand" can supposedly do to help people.

Usage of AmWand Can:

* Discharge blockages in the body
* Clear distortions in our bio energetic field
* Facilitate the body in healing
* Energize food and drink increasing potency of the minerals & vitamins within them
* Use it on our pets and plants to supplement any energy deficiencies that they have
* Balance and energize imbalances your body may be experiencing
* Help to remove aches, pains and other discomforts
* Lift the face...tightens the skin
* Energize our environment in which we live

Amega AmWand Benefits Can:

* Help the body obtain homeostasis condition
* Help the body's bio-energetic field to source Zero Point Energy
* Relieve aches and pain
* Neutralize harmful elements (energetically) from the liquid we drink, & food we eat
* Energize the skin providing a "face lift" with noticeable improvement
* Energize creams and oils for better absorption of nutrients
* Facilitate and strengthen the flow of energy in our body
* Stimulate bodily functions and strengthens immunity
* Help the body to look and feel younger

You also can have quicker and stronger nail and hair growth, and a greater resistance to tooth decay that is visibly seen. The lifting of the face with noticeable improvement has also brought forth an additional and extremely high interest.

When water is treated with the Zero Point Energy Wand and then used in conjunction with any supplements, they can be absorbed much more quickly and efficiently, and effectively by the body's cells.

I have used the Amega Amwand every single day, five times per day for 30 minutes each session as I was told to do.
I even "wanded" my water with it as I was told to do.
I am here to tell you that the Amega Amwand did absolutely nothing at all for me.
It did not relieve any aches, pains, or other discomforts, it has not helped reduce my blood pressure, and I saw no noticeable improvement in my hair, nails, or face.
It has not helped me to look or feel younger.
It has not helped or strengthened my immunity, as a matter of fact, I've been really sick several times during the last 2 months, and it did not help me get better faster, or at all.
It did not do a single thing that it claims it can do.
The Amega Amwand is a total scam and I feel the need to tell people the truth before they fall for this scam and waste hundreds of dollars on it.

Every day, millions of people live in pain and are desperate to be free from that pain, and would take any kind of supplement or other types of self care items to try and relieve that pain.
If you live with chronic pain or know someone who lives with chronic pain, then you know how desperate you can feel to get any kind of relief, and there are very unscrupulous people and companies out there who know that desperation and are ready and poised to take full advantage of those people who live in pain.
There are thousands of products on the market already that make thousands of claims that their product can help you be free from pain, and people buy them because they are so desperate.
This product, the Amega Amwand, is one of those products that claims so many amazing things that it can do for you, but it does absolutely nothing.
NOTHING.

The existence of zero point energy is not controversial although the ability to harness it is.
No device claimed to operate using zero point energy has been demonstrated to operate as claimed. No plausible description of a device drawing useful power from a source of zero point energy has been given. Thus, current claims to zero point energy-based power generation systems currently have the status of pseudoscience.
That means that this Amega Amwand is a total scam.
It is pseudoscience, fake, not what it claims to be.

Energy healers:

Many energy healers assert significance of zero-point energy in the rationale for practices such as reiki. Physicists and physicians consider such claims to be pseudoscience: at best based on a complete misunderstanding of physics, biology, and medical science and at worst self-serving, fraudulent business practices.

Amega Global makes all kinds of products that claim to use zero point energy to help the body heal itself.
They make the Amwand for $304.00, the AmPendant in silver for $394.00, another AmPendant in Rose Gold for $404.00, and another AmPendant in bronze for $409.00.
They also make "food" that ranges in price from $52.00 up to $270.00.

They make all kinds of other products that claim to use this zero point energy, and they are selling them to people that are desperate to be free from pain, there are testimonials out there that claim this thing really works, but I can tell you after testing it on both myself and Mark for almost two full months, that it DOES NOT work.
I really feel the need to warn people about this new self care, help the body heal itself, scam.
I do not want to see anyone at all fall for this, and that's why I have used the name of it, Amega Amwand, as many times as possible so that it will get indexed in Google and other search engines, and be in the search results for it so that people will find this post (cross posted to KatScan as well) and learn that it is a total scam.
I feel very strongly the need to warn people so that they do not fall for this scam and waste hundreds of dollars on any of these Amega Global products that will do absolutely nothing for them except remove hundreds of dollars from their bank accounts.

Please, if you or someone that you know suffers from chronic pain and have either been told about the Amega Amwand, or they read about it, and are thinking of buying the Amega Amwand, please, direct them to this post.
I would not ever lie to my readers, this product, the Amega Amwand, is a total scam, it does not work as it claims to.
I tried and tested the product 5 times per day for 30 minutes each time, for two months, and saw no noticeable improvement in pain relief or energy, or any signs of looking and feeling younger either.
The Amega Amwand is a total scam.

Back when I first received the Amega Amwand, I brought it with me to one of my pain management appointments so that I could get my doctor's opinion of it.
I took it out the box and explained to him what the distributor Cheryl was selling to people at a cost of $304.00 and a promise that it could heal people's ailments and completely relieve pain.
He read the little pamphlet, looked at the wand very closely, and then he asked me if I had actually paid for this thing.
I told him no, of course not, and explained to him how I received it and what my plan to review it was.
He told me, and I quote,

"Kat, you have to use your websites to tell people about this. This is probably the single biggest medical scam that I've seen in the last five years, and believe me, I've seen a lot of them. If you have your blogs (he looked kinda confused on what a blog really is) and the power to reach as many people as possible, you absolutely must tell people the truth. And Kat, the truth is that this thing is 100% garbage. It is a lie packaged and sold to desperate people, people who are so desperate to be free from pain that they will do just about anything they can to get relief. You have the ability to help people not waste their time and their money. Use the power you have to do something good. If you just spare even one person from wasting their money and their time, then you've done something great. Thank you for bringing this to my attention, I am going to go to the website and then email this to as many of my colleagues as I can, they need to know about this too and try to stop their patients from getting scammed if any of their patients happen to mention it or ask their doctors if they've heard of being healed by zero point energy."

When I got back home and was going back over the pamphlet and stuff that came in the box with the wand, I found the certificate of authenticity, and one thing that I noticed on this "Certificate of Authenticity" that comes in the beautifully padded and silk lined box, is the ultra fine print typed so freaking small that I had to get my jewelry making magnifying glass out in order to be able to read it.
On the very, very bottom of the back of the certificate of authenticity, it reads in super tiny fine print exactly as follows:

DISCLAIMER: These statements have not been evaluated by The Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease or physical condition.
The FDA won't even approve this thing!

I will be updating this post on both of my blogs with new information or links to other articles about the Amega Amwand and what a total fraud it is, as I find or come across them.
If I find other reviews, I will link them, if I find video reviews, I will link to them as well, and when I see my doctor on Tuesday at 11am, I will be updating him about my "progress" after using it for two months.

**EDIT**
Added links on 6/22/2010

Here is a link to a Youtube video and a post about the Amega Amwand scam.
I am not a hamster, Boob product: Amega Amwand.

Amega Amwand: Medical Scam, at the blog I Am Not A Hamster.

Amega Amwand Is a Scam at Blahvert.

The comments on this post at a money making blog are quite interesting, especially one by someone named Chadi.

FTC disclosure;
I was not compensated in any way for this post.
I received the Amega Amwand for free to test it and review it, and I have to send it back.
It is not mine to keep.
There is absolutely no free product to keep, or compensation received for reviewing this product.
The opinions expressed here are my own, but some of the wording has been taken directly from the Amega Global websites where they either sell the product or hype the product to get people to become distributors of these products.

June 10, 2010

Jamba All Natural Smoothies product review.

I was recently given the opportunity to try the new make-at-home Jamba Juice All Natural Fruit Smoothies, I was sent a freezer pack containing the 3 all new make-at-home flavors.
There's Mango-a-go-go, Razzmatazz, and Strawberries Wild.

We've tried all 3 flavors, well the teens have, because I'm allergic to some different fruits, namely, strawberries.
The teens really liked them, and they were so so easy to make!
All you do is tear open the pouch, and dump it in your blender with just one cup of apple juice, and blend!

The first one that I made is the Razzmatazz, which is strawberries, raspberries, and blueberries, and non-fat yogurt, and it's real fruit, chunks of real fruit, whole blueberries, strawberries, raspberries, you can actually see the real fruit, it's not a blended-up pouch of mush like some other make-at-home smoothies that I've tried, but actual fruit pieces!
I was very pleasantly surprised!
Once blended, each pouch makes 2 eight ounce servings, only 120 calories or less in each glass, so it was just enough for the teens to each have one big glass of a yummy and healthy smoothie.
The teens loved it!

I know that I am allergic to strawberries, I know they make me break out in hives, but something possessed me to get a straw and take just a few small sips out of Mark's smoothie.
A few hours later, I was completely covered in hives.
Head to toe.
Everywhere.
But the smoothie was really super tasty, I wish that I had been able to drink more of it, it was awesome tasting, but even just a few small sips, and BAM! super itchy hives. Hahaha!

But the important thing is that the teens loved them, they are really good for them, lots of healthy ingredients, and not bad on the price.
They retail anywhere from $2.99 to $3.29, and can be found in the frozen juice section at the grocery store.
I've already seen them on the shelves at Publix, and they are priced at $2.99, so I know that I can buy more of them for the teens.
If you like smoothies, or just want your kids to get more real fruit and antioxidants, and a full 100% daily dose of vitamin C, you can pick these up and make them for your kids.
I promise that they will love them and so will you, they are really super great tasting.

June 8, 2010

Nervously waiting.

Today is Mark's first day on the job, and I'm sitting here all nervous waiting on him to get done and come home.
I'm anxious to hear how it went, if he likes it, and how his back held up being on his feet all day long and stocking shelves etc.
He has his medicine with him, only one dose to get him through his shift, but he's not used to standing on his feet all day, lifting things, I'm nervous/worried that he's in a lot of pain right now and just trying to deal with it until it's time to clock out and come home.
He's usually sitting in a chair playing video games, or watching movies with me, not standing up and walking around for 8+ hours, not lifting 12 packs and stocking the shelves, so yeah, a nervous and worried mom because I know that pain he's dealing with, I used to have to work through that kind of pain.
*bites nails waiting*

In other news, the teen's father and I actually had the most pleasant, polite, and cordial conversation that we've had in 17 years, this morning.
He called because he didn't actually buy the ticket yet, or send the money order yet, he was calling to get full name, date of birth, and address, so that he could purchase the plane tickets today.
He called close to 10am, he asked for the information, I gave it, we politely talked about the cost of tickets and fees that airlines charge for minors flying alone.
Jet Blue considers minors to be 13 and under, and the airline that he was going with says that minors are 17 and under, so he was being charged extra fees for Sebastian flying alone.

I swear, I was really, truly polite, I wasn't biting or sarcastic, I held my tongue because this is something that Sebastian wants, and I want him to be happy, I want him to do this, to have this experience, so when he, their father, asked me for Sebastian's birth date, he didn't know it, he knew it was like a week or so ago, but he didn't know the date, and that really pissed me off, but I held, I held.
I know he has six kids, I know it must be hard to remember all of their birth dates, but to me, this is something he wants too, he wants Sebastian there, he should at least have tried to know the date, Great-Gram knows it, his sister, Aunt Heather, knows it, he could have asked them for the date if he didn't know it.
Know what I mean?
Am I wrong?
Am I asking too much by feeling that him not knowing his son's birth date, is just really wrong?
I didn't yell when I got off the phone, I was still being all calm, cool, and collected on the outside, but inside, I was frothing because of him not knowing Sebastian's birth date.
A parent should just know their child's birth dates, even if they haven't been a part of that child's life for many years, they should just know it, they should know the birth dates of all of the kids that they created.
In my opinion, it's what I think, and I could be wrong, and if I'm wrong, if people tell me that I'm wrong or asking too much, I'll admit it, but really, it hurt.
It hurt to know that he didn't know his birthday.

Today was a rough one for me because of the heat, it was just wicked hot out, I couldn't get cooled off even inside with the AC, even a shower didn't help me.
I needed to go to the store, so we just walked up when Mark had to go at 1pm, got what we needed and came home, but that whole walk, it felt like my heart was gonna beat right outta my chest.
I felt dizzy and light-headed the whole way there and back, and when we got back, I kicked off my sandals and laid on the couch for nearly 2 hours just trying to cool down, relax, and get my heart to stop beating so damn fast.
The store owner, Moe, said that I didn't look well when I got there, and I'm sure I didn't, I was sweating like I was a faucet and hose, my skin was all clammy, and I felt faint, so I'm sure that I looked un-well.
I really am hoping that the summer doesn't get too much hotter than it is, or I'll be spending the entire summer indoors.
The walk, it's just an eight minute walk there, eight minute walk back, but it felt like an eternity, I felt like I was going to pass out the whole walk back home.
I told Sebastian that if I started to go down, to push me toward the grass so I didn't hit my head on the cement sidewalk, I knew that there's no way he could catch me from falling, so I told him to push me toward the grass yards and at least it wouldn't hurt too bad.
Since being back home in the AC and it's night, it's cooled off a few degrees, I feel much better, but I need to remind myself to take my blood pressure meds every day, and I need to drink much more fluids.
I know that I don't ever drink enough water, and after today's experience, I know that I need to drink much more so it doesn't happen again.

Tell me if I'm wrong, if I'm wrong, I'll admit it, I'll say that I'm wrong, but it just really hurt my heart quite a bit because I love Sebastian so much, and his birthday is always important to him, he doesn't ever ask for anything, he just wants to know that people remember his birthday, he doesn't want to be forgotten, and so yeah, it hurt my heart, but if I'm wrong, I'll admit it.

June 7, 2010

He's got a job! He's got a job!

Mark got a job!
He will now be working up at the corner store, starts tomorrow at 1pm.
I am so happy for him to have a job!
He'll have spending money of his own, he'll be able to help contribute to the family food bill, and he'll be doing something useful with his time instead of sitting around here doing nothing but video game playing all summer until he starts classes in the fall.
This is totally awesome.
I helped him get the job, the store owner and I are friends, and he had to fire his last employee because he was stealing, so the owner asked me how old Mark was, if he was honest and hard working, and I said yes, he's a great kid, and he said ok, bring him here at 1pm tomorrow.
Yay!!

Also, can cats get hemorrhoids?
And if so, do they make hemorrhoid treatments for cats?
For any animals?
I'm asking because Nova the fat cat, keeps licking at her butt-hole and meowing loud like she's in pain.
I really don't feel like taking a closer look, but I think I'm going to have to.
I don't wanna.
Looking at a cat's butt is really, truly, absolutely, horrifyingly disgusting.

June 3, 2010

Letting him go.

DISCLAIMER
Before anyone asks or decides to make a judgment about me blogging too much information about my kids and their lives, Mark who is 18, and Sebastian who is 17, have read this post and both have agreed that it could published.
It was edited to their wishes which I have always respected when it comes to blogging about them.

Stress is a hell of a fat burner I tell you.
This is probably one of the biggest reasons that I am so stressed out and not sleeping well, having blood pressure issues constantly, etc.
It's killing me.

Remember how I posted about Sebastian spending a month with the teens father this summer?
After a lot of talking, arguing, crying, and more talking, I've decided to let him go.
It was not an easy decision at all, it's been extremely hard on Mark and I to even talk to Sebastian about it, but after a lot of talking not just with the teens, but with many family members and friends, it was decided that letting him go would be the best thing, for him.
He needs to go and see his father and learn for himself who his father is and get the answers to any and all questions that he may have about him, about things that happened, and maybe he'll get the truth, and maybe he won't.
Sadly, my money is on him not getting 100% truth.

The ticket has been bought and stuck in the mail, it's a round trip ticket, or supposed to be, and it should be in the mailbox sometime soon, by the middle of next week at the latest.
There are rules, lots and lots of rules, some of which are no drinking, no smoking, no drugs, no piercings, no tattoos, to be allowed to visit with his Ninny and Pop-pop, (his grandparents/my parents) and that he is NOT a babysitter there to take care of his little half-sister Sixx.
If a sitter is needed, someone else needs to do it, a different family member, or hire someone.
Sebastian is there to be with his father and be able to visit with his other relatives, he is not there as a free babysitter.
These rules and others, will be written down and given to him to give his father, if he comes back and I discover that any of them have been violated, there will be hell to pay.
I have full, legal custody, he only has visitation for 6 hours on Saturdays, he's lucky that I am letting Sebastian go, so my rules will be followed or there will be trouble.

Do I sound angry?
I am, but this is something that Sebastian has to do, I know that, it just kills me to let him go.

June 1, 2010

My baby turned 17.

Sebastian, my baby, turned 17 today.
He had to go to school today, it's the last week, the last day is Friday, so when I woke him up at 6am, I gently called out his name, I gently rubbed his back, he opened his eyes a little bit, and I sang happy birthday to him very quietly.
He let me sing the whole way through, all the while he was smiling, and when I finished, he sat up in his bed, thanked me, and then told me that he loved me.

His day at school went OK, some of his teachers remembered that it was his birthday and they gave him some special treats, a HUGE candy bar from one teacher, a free pass from another teacher to not have to do any of the last days of school grunt work some teachers like to do, (1 teacher had the students write out multiplication tables, another had them copy down 100 words from different letters of the dictionary, etc) and another teacher just let him play on the computer through the whole class.

When he came home, my sister called and had decided to take them all out to dinner and then do some video game shopping.
I did not go because A) there is not enough room in my sister's new car for her, me, both boys, and both of my nieces, and B) because I am on bed rest for blood clots in my ankles and feet again.
It started on Sunday night, and I thought if I rested, kept them elevated, that it would go away, but it did not, so I called my doc this morning, and he puts me on bed rest and to keep my feet elevated.
They are elevated right now too.
When I sit in my chair, I have this little table that is like thigh-high, it is like a small side table, and I use it as a foot stool when I am sitting here.
I sit like this all the time, my feet are always elevated when I am at my desk, my keyboard on my lap, it is a totally comfy position.
I am really hoping that the swelling goes down soon, and it should, the new blood pressure medicine, Triamterene, 37.5mg, has me peeing so much, that I will probably drop another 10lbs using it instead of any diet supplements.

Anyway, they went out to eat and then to Best Buy for a new video game.
He got Dynasty Warriors: Strikeforce for their Xbox 360, from my sister, and then when I get paid later this week, I will be buying him Dynasty Warriors 6: Empires.
Both of the boys love those Dynasty Warriors games, they have played every single one except for these last two which Sebastian will now have this week.
They came home from eating out and shopping, and both Sebastian and Mark sat down and cracked open the new game and played right until Sebastian had to go to bed.

Tomorrow is the last full day of school, and then Thursday and Friday are half days, and I am really hoping that by then, all the swelling will be gone so that I can take Sebastian out for his birthday.
He told me he wants to go to Taco Smell to eat, and I will buy him the other Dynasty Warriors game, we will have a chocolate layer cake, and he will be a totally happy kid, excuse me, a totally happy young man.
Hard to believe, Sebastian is now 17 and Mark turns 19 on August 15th.
The time just flew by didn't it?
I started this blog when we moved here, Sebastian had just turned five years old when we moved here on June 3rd 1997.
He was just a small, wiggly five year old kid, and here he is now, a really tall deep-voiced 17 year old young man.
Time just flew right by me.

May 28, 2010

My teens are the awesome.

Ever since like last Thursday, not yesterday, but like Thursday the 20th, I've been sick and battling health issues again.
I'm not going into it all over again, you can read about it at KatScan if you want to, but I'm sorta starting to finally mend from that, but now tonight it's raining and so my back is killing me and my ankles are swelling up from blood clots again.
When they said, 'when it rains, it pours', they really must have meant that saying for me, because it's just been 1 thing after another since last week.
I'm like beyond fed up with my body at this point.

So anyway, I've been home all week now, mostly laying on the couch watching tv and movies, resting as much as I could stand to do like all of my doctors have all told me to do, and then my tv started acting all funky.
First, while watching a movie on Tuesday evening, Empire Records, the colors started fading in and out, black and white, then all funky and stripey during the brownie Gwar scene, so I checked a few other channels and they seemed to be ok, so I just chalked it up to being either the movie being old, or an error with the movie channel.
Then later that same day on another channel, it happened again.
And it kept happening until my tv set was showing absolutely nothing at all but black and white on every single channel.
*sigh*
I do have another tv set, it's the one that I was using before my sister had brought over this one that is now faded, and so I knew that I was going to need to go get it from my bedroom, haul it out here, and make the switch, but I physically just couldn't do it, so I just decided to deal with the black and white until I could do it later on when I felt like I could do it.

Here it is now Friday evening, and I still hadn't done it, I had just gotten to the point of I don't really care anymore because it has just been 1 of those weeks in my life where when I dared the made-up gods to just go ahead and send me just 1 more damn thing that they felt like throwing at me, and *poof*, my big 26inch tv went *poof*. ha ha

I decided to go and take a long, hot shower, hoping that it would at least calm me down, soothe me if it did absolutely nothing else at all, and so I went in there to stand in the hottest water that I could possibly stand, even allowing the tub to fill up over my ankles because they've started to swell up now too this evening, and I just stayed in there for oh, maybe 20 minutes or so.
I stayed in there until no matter how hot I turned the water, it was no longer getting hotter, but colder.
When I came out, I went to other other room, threw on some comfy clothes, and came back to sit in my chair.
That's when I looked up and noticed that my now all black and white 26inch tv was gone, and now in it's place, was Mark's Vizio 26inch widescreen LCD HDTV that he got for graduating last year.
I asked the teens, who were sitting here smiling, why they did that, it was their tv for playing their video games on, I have another tv in the other room.
They said they knew, and they went and got that one and hooked it up in their room to play video games on.
I asked them again why they did that, why didn't they just put my old tv out here and keep theirs, and Mark said that it was his tv to do with what he wanted, and he felt wicked bad for me because of the really super crappy week that I had, because all of my docs yelled at me and told me that I need to stay laying down as much as possible, and because I never sleep, because all I can do when I have insomnia and I'm being forced to lay down and behave myself, is to lay on the couch and watch tv and movies, so he decided that he wanted me to be able to watch tv and movies on a wicked nice tv for a change, that I deserved to have at least 1 nice thing this week, so he and Sebastian swapped out the tvs while I was in the shower.
I do have to admit, it is a really super nice tv to watch movies on.
My old tv worked really good for like the last 10 years, great picture and color quality, I never complained once about a movie looking bad on it, but yeah, this is a really super nice tv.

Mark told me that he'd rather I just keep it out here from now on too, as this is the room where we all watch movies together, and the other tv set is actually much better for playing video games on, he says.
I don't buy that at all.
Not for a single second.
I've seen him play Gears of War 2 and Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, on the Vizio, and there's a big, massive, HUGE difference when playing video games on an old standard television set, and on one of the new LCD HDTV flat panel sets.
BIG DIFFERENCE.
I tried talking to him about it, tried talking him into swapping it back, it's his tv that he got as a present for graduating high school last May, it was given to him specifically so that when he played his video games, that they would look so super cool on it, and he said that he knows and agrees, games do look really super cool on it, but he said that he wanted me to have a really wicked nice tv to watch movies on for the next week or however long the doctors tell me to stay laying down and resting because I had such a really bad, totally sucky week.
He said I deserved to see all of the super gory details of a fave horror movie if one comes on that I liked, in the most awesome picture quality, that I should at least be able to enjoy myself a little bit while my docs force me to rest 24-7 even though they still haven't got a single clue as to why I should be being forced to rest.
He said that even though his back totally sucks too, he's going to see if the owner of the corner store up the street needs to hire anyone, and he'll get a job to try and help out financially around here, and if the owner says yes, he'll work his butt off for the guy.
He said that he's old enough to work any of the shifts alone too, because you only have to be 18 to legally ring up cig and alcohol sales.
He really wants to start pitching in financially around here, to help make it easier on me because he knows how difficult it is for me sometimes to do the work that I have to do, and because he sees just how hard I work to not just make sure that the bills are paid, but so that I can pay for all of the things that make them happy.
He said that he really wants to get a job, start helping to pay the bills, and then return all of the love and generosity that I give to them when I pay for their video games, game subscriptions, and all of the little tiny stuff like bottles of soda and bags of hot fries whenever I go to the corner store, and so he wants to be able to buy me my own LCD HD flat panel tv on sale some one of the days he earns enough pay.

You know, sometimes, teenagers can be real jerks, they can say things that really hurt your heart, they can shoot you the most painful looks, and they can say 90 million times that they will clean the cat's litter boxes and not do it, and then watch you do it like you should have been doing it yourself all along.
They can do and say a lot of things that make you wish they would age from toddler to adult in less than a year because the teen years are the hardest years that you'll ever face when you decide to have a kid, but then sometimes, they do something as simple as swapping out your old crappy box tv set for their nice one that they rightfully don't have to share with you at all, and it can be the nicest thing that's been done for you all month long.
And then they can just say that they want to get a job and pitch in on paying the bills, and that they want to help pay for all of the hundreds of dollars worth of food that they inhale every week, and that they want to buy you your own really nice tv set, and even if it doesn't ever happen, even if they do get a job but never buy that tv set, it's the fact that they said they wanted to do it, and because they said that you deserve it, that makes you feel like you got the best damn kids in the world.

Yeah, I know, this is all stupid and mushy sounding, and it's like wicked way long, but really, just swapping out the tv sets to surprise me while I was taking a shower, really made me happy after the week that I've had.
It's just like, wicked nice to know that they've been paying attention, they saw how hurt and upset I am, and they were at least trying to understand how this week has made me feel and they wanted to do something nice for me to try and make me feel better, and it did, it has.
It's been a very lonely and scary week, and they did one of the nicest and coolest things for me.

May 18, 2010

Take 2 and sleep late.

Sebastian came home from school today, went straight to his room, and on his way through, he asked for his migraine meds.
I met him in his room, gave him his meds, something to wash it down with, and then tucked him in.
He's been in bed ever since, just sleeping off his migraine.
Well, he did get up for about 2 hours or so, ate something, got another dose, and headed back to bed about 20 minutes ago.
I know it's really bad for him when he gets like that, tears in his eyes because it hurts so bad, and all he wants to do is lay in bed and sleep it off.

I've had a headache myself for the last hour or so, it's because I didn't get any sleep at all last night, and now I've been up all day and night, I'm totally wiped out and need to try and get some sleep soon before my headache turns into a migraine.
I've just got a couple more things to take care of around the house, and then make sure that Mark is ok, and then I can try to get some sleep.
I hope that when I do try, that I do actually get some sleep, it's impossible to keep functioning normally for days on end without any sleep.
Plus, I'd like to look somewhat rested, I have a doc appointment in the morning, and I know that if I go in with huge bags under my eyes, he's gonna make me go to the lab for blood tests to check my white cell counts again.
The last time I had a battle with insomnia like this and went to see him, even though I explained why I was so tired and looked so crappy, he made me go to the lab anyway, he called ahead and told them to expect me so I didn't even have a choice.
I hate going to the lab like that because it's the middle of the day, and there's usually a half dozen or more people in there waiting, and the techs go so so slow.
It's a big pain in the butt.
I don't even want to get into the hassle it becomes when my blood tests come back.
Ugh.

May 18, 2010

My gift to myself in 2010 will be...

This EdgeStar Portable Countertop dishwasher.

I've once again been awake all night long, insomnia, it's just 1 of the things that I have to deal with, but I sometimes feel like I'm going crazy because of it.
I actually caught myself talking to myself in great detail late last night over the dishes.
So, I was up all night, and every time I walked into the kitchen to get a drink or something to snack on to help me get through the super long night time hours of total quiet in the house, I saw the sink.
Both sides of my kitchen sink are once again full of dishes.
Cups, silverware, bowls.
We use paper plates because I hate doing the dishes, so we use paper plates for all meals that need to be plated, but that still leaves all of the cups, silverware, and bowls, that need to be washed by hand.
I'm sick of doing the dishes.
I do the damn dishes every single day, and there are always more.
It seems like I just get them all done, and there's already more piled up in the sink again.
So in between all of my trips to get drinks, use the bathroom, and yell at myself about the dishes, I decided that this year I'm getting myself a dishwasher at some point during the remainder of 2010.

I need one of these portable countertop dishwashers because our kitchen is really small and there's really no room for 1 of the bigger models on wheels to be moved in and out of the kitchen, so I started hunting online around 2 or 3am and doing comparison shopping, and I found this 1 on Buy.com, and even though it's not on sale, it's regular price is totally doable.
At some point this year.
$268.00 which includes the shipping price, is really totally doable.
I could just put all of the cups, silverware, and bowls, into it and run it instead of me standing at the sink for 20-30 minutes and ending up with my back hurting from leaning over the sink washing them all by hand.

The teens do their part, they do the dishes when I ask, but after all of these years of washing the dishes by hand, I just can't take it anymore!!
I do not want to have to keep washing dishes by hand, ever again!
I will have this dishwasher before the end of the year, I will.
It will be mine and I will never wash a dish by hand again!

May 14, 2010

Bug season.

Yup, it's bug season here in Florida, for all kinds of bugs.
We have cats, so we have to deal with flea season which is really bad so far this year.
I've had to treat all 4 cats every single month with the strongest flea killer that I could find, Carmine had to be bathed and treated twice it was so bad for him.
It's also spider season, and worst of all, roach season.
Specifically, German roaches.
These guys.

Once summer hits, these little suckers come out in force and you have to get forceful right back at them to keep them from overtaking your house.
See, they will increase their activity as the temperature increases, and decrease it as the temperature decreases, so once it gets hot outside and inside, the more active they get.
And they love to feed.
Foods that have high levels of sugar, starch or grease seem to be preferred.
They love pet food too, so it's highly recommended that you remove your pets food dishes as soon as your pets are done eating.
These nasty critters are big eaters and will gorge themselves routinely every 24 hours.

I've already had to buy a huge pack of Raid roach baits because I spotted one, and where there's one, there's many, many more.
I will be stocking up on them every chance I get to get us through the whole summer.
I've checked out the prices in stores and online, and even though Buy.com doesn't have a lot of roach killer products yet, I even checked to see if they had any on sale, and while they don't, I'll keep checking over the summer months to see if I can get any good deals.

I'm going shopping at one of those big warehouse stores later today with my sister, and I'm going to see if they have any roach killer there, and what the prices are, and if the prices are good, I'll be picking some up.
Like I said, if you see one, it means that there are many more that you haven't seen, so you have to take action quickly or they will breed and multiply, and before you know it, your entire house is totally overrun with them.

May 13, 2010

Here in my car, where the image breaks down .

I've been up all night again, insomnia is just sooo much fun, I totally recommend that everyone try it at least once. /sarcasm>

The only good thing about having insomnia is that I'm wide awake when Sebastian gets up for school, I'm not all tired and wanting to go back to bed after waking him up, which makes him feel lonely and stuff.
It gives the 2 of us some mommy/Sebastian time even if it is only about 35-45 minutes, it's really nice to spend the time with him and talking about whatever is on his mind.
I promised him a few days ago that I would go through all of the emails that he's sent me from school, from his digital design class, save all of the pictures, art, that he's made, and then post my favorite ones to my blog to show everyone.
I'm going to try and do that today, no guarantees that I will get that post done because I've got a wicked lot to do, but I will try.
But here's one of my faves that he made this year, and the painting that he did in the 4th grade that I still have framed and hanging in my dining room.
Both of these are clickable for bigger.

I LOVE that painting!
To think, if I hadn't gone to school that afternoon to pick him up, it would have ended up in the trash.
The teacher was throwing away all of the stuff that the students hadn't taken home, and he didn't bring it home because he didn't think that I would like it.
I loved it the second that I saw it, it's huge too, poster size, so I brought it home and put it in an awesome frame, and it's been hanging in my dining room ever since.

Anyway, he's off to school and not too happy about it.
He and I had to do some homework last night for one of his classes, I can't even recall the name of it, some theory of living, or economics of living, something something of living, and we had to get together a list of all a person's expenses when they first move out on their own.
They had to be realistic about it, base it on their life and what they think they will be earning, how much they will be able to afford for everything, and so we had to make lists of apartments that he could afford, how much his utilities would be, and get a list of car insurance companies, pick the kind of car he wants to be able to drive, figure out how much his car payments will be, and then figure out how much his insurance might be, and which company to go with, all kinds of stuff.
We worked on it for quite awhile, like 2 and half hours, just making the lists, budgeting, it drove him absolutely nuts, and that's when he said he wasn't moving out until he graduated college and had a really, really god job and could afford everything, because looking at how much everything was going to cost, was just way too much so he was gonna stay with me.
Maybe even forever. Hahaha

I think we did a really good job on his homework, I can't wait to find out what grade he (we) got.
We worked hard on it looking everything up, having to figure out the price of utilities and everything based on apartment size, amount of water used, all that stuff, all the stuff I do every month when I budget the bills, and so he should get a good grade, I based a lot of it on what we actually use.
The only stuff I was guessing at was car payments and insurance costs because I don't have either of those.

May 11, 2010

Growing old before my own eyes.

I didn't blog on Monday, I was tired, and not just tired, but exhausted tired.
I'm not sleeping well again, insomnia, restless sleep when I do sleep, gray hairs are sprouting up every single time that I look, and I'm finally starting to look as old as my body feels.
I actually sat here on Monday afternoon reading up on sybervision wrinkle cream reviews.
I read about 7 reviews on that page, I read a bunch on another page, I read about products on their own actual websites, just tons and tons of reading about wrinkle creams because I am not enjoying all these new wrinkles around my eyes and the ones on my forehead.
I must have stared at my face for an hour or so in the bathroom in the early morning hours yesterday, from every angle, scrunching and un-scrunching my face, thinking how much I've physically aged in the last few months.
I'm not liking it.

I spent close to an hour on the phone with the vice principal this morning, didn't really get that far but some of the absences were looked at and investigated, and found to have been marked wrong, incorrectly, just as I had stated they were over and over.
Just knowing that I felt better, but there is still so much they have to fix in these last 17 or so days of school left for the year.
I still don't have answer what I'm supposed to do when he has a severe migraine attack, they are still trying to figure out what to do.
I told them to hurry up, there's not too many days of school left, and if gets one soon, there needs to be an answer.
They said they know and are trying to figure that out.

May 9, 2010

Messy feet and a blind kitty?

Ever since my feet and ankles have been swelling up as bad as they do from the blood clots, my feet are a total mess.
When the swelling starts, the skin gets all stretched out, red, tight, and the more they swell, the worse it gets, and then the skin starts cracking.
Once the swelling goes down, my feet are in even worse shape if you can imagine.
The skin is totally dried out, cracked, and peeling, it's so gross.
I've tried to prevent this by using different lotions which are supposed to retain the moisture in the skin, I do this at the very first sign of the swelling, and even though it hurts like crazy to even touch my feet, I continue to put lotion on during the whole terrible time.
None of the lotions that I've tried have worked, and I've used quite a few.
Cocoa butter, shea butter, lotions with aloe vera, vitamin E, all kinds of stuff, and nothing at all has worked.
My feet are totally disgusting.

So next time I get a few extra bucks to spare, I'm going to see if Buy.com puts the as-seen-on-tv stuff, Heel Tastic, on sale.

Heel Tastic is supposed to really heal the dry cracked skin on heels and feet.
It's supposed to totally fix this dry, cracked-skin problem on people with chronic dry, cracked-skin, and have had the problem for a long time, and nothing else has ever worked.
People like me.

So after I get some extra money and I buy it, I'll use it and review it.
I really hope that it works.
I cannot stand my feet anymore, I cannot stand looking at them, feeling them, it's so so gross!
_______________________________

**Note. NOT a recent picture of Kali.

Does anyone know if old kitty cats can go blind?
I'm really starting to think that Kali is going blind.
Her eyes look kind of cloudy, sorta foggy looking, and she's been over-the-top starving for affection and attention.
She is following all of us around 24-7, trying to sit and lay on us, on our keyboards, she is never more than 2 feet away from these days.
And for a cat that never made a single sound during her first 10 years of life, (she's 13 now) and then when she did, it was this tiny little barely audible mew, she is now meowing all of the time, loudly.
I love her and am very concerned for her health and well being, and I'm afraid that she's going blind, maybe even a combination of blind and deaf, because of how loudly she's meowing these days.
I have felt her all over, there's no lumps indicating any type of noticeable tumors or anything, so I really think this whole starving for attention and affection thing is because she's losing her sight and maybe even her hearing.
Right now, she is on the arm of the couch after I refused to let her lay on my lap while i sit here and try to type, and she keeps rubbing her head on my arm, and meowing at me.

Does anyone have any experience with a blind, possibly blind and deaf, cat or other pet?

May 8, 2010

Playing a mean game of catch-up!

As I've said, my life has been in a state of 'what the hell' for about a week and a half now, give or take a few days, probably give rather than take.
I have so much to do, so much to take care of, and I need to be very careful as I have some health issues that could be affected by too much stress, and I need to watch what I eat, and I know that I definitely won't need to take any fat burners because I've barely been eating anything at all during this whole mess of stuff going on in my life, but I do need to eat, and eat a little better.
I'm trying here and that's all that I can do at the moment.

I had a a missing friend/suicide scare, and I'm dealing with Mark's ever progressing genetic spine deformities which may be getting resolved, because Mark's friend Jeff's Grandparents are very close personal friends with Congressman Vern Buchanan, and they've personally spoken with him regarding the situation with Mark, Medicaid, the doctors, all of the problems, and he asked for my phone number, they gave it to him, and he's going to call me directly and speak with me about it and what I need to have happen to help my son.
Not getting my hopes up, but taking a deep breath. *inhale/exhale deeply*

And then all of the school crap with Sebastian, which will be resolved on Monday, hopefully.
As I said, I called and spoke to the vice principal, she threatened Sebastian with expulsion, me with court for failure to provide him an education, and she said that she was going to call me back, but she did not call me back.
That was on Thursday morning when we spoke, 11:34am to be exact, so when I didn't get a call back, I emailed her later on that night at 5:26pm.
I figured that she'd get my email on Friday morning, and either email me back or call me back.
She did neither, so I decided to step it up a bit and I emailed her again, and this time, I CC'd the principal and the superintendent.
I included the principal, because I'm pretty damn sure that the vice principal cannot decide completely on her own to expel a student and take a parent to court.
I'm pretty sure that the principal has to be involved in the decision, and even though I know that the principal already hates me because of all of the problems that we had with Mark being able to graduate with his class last year, I'm feeling pretty positive that she has absolutely no idea what's going on in regards to Sebastian and this threat of expulsion.
And I included the superintendent because of the way that the truancy worker spoke to me, she's his boss, they both work out of the school board building up at The Landings, she really needed to be made aware of how the truancy worker speaks with parents, and also, she needed to be made aware of what was happening with the vice principal and the threats made against Sebastian and myself.

I sent off that very detailed email last night, Friday, May 7, 2010 at 11:43 PM, and I explained every single thing that I know about Sebastian's absences, about the teacher who kept marking him as absent/skipping a class he was no longer even registered in since December, about the dates that we were in Maine where the principal herself had verbally told me in a call that I made to her a week before we left, that she would personally excuse those dates as long as I sent in a detailed letter explaining when we were leaving, returning, and the reason for our trip, which I wrote that same night that I had called and spoke with her and Sebastian took it in the very next day and personally handed it to her, and I wrote out in great detail, the situation with the zero tolerance policy and Sebastian's migraine medications, and everything that I had done to try and get the school to allow him to take his medications at school and was denied every single time.
I wrote out in great detail what happens when Sebastian suffers from 1 of his severe migraine attacks, what happens when he takes his medications on schedule, and what happens to him if he doesn't.
I ended my email by repeating the vice principal's words to me, "If Sebastian misses even 1 more day this year, he will be expelled immediately and you will be taken to court for failure to make sure that your child gets an education", and again, I asked for someone, now 1 of the 3 of them, to tell me exactly what I am supposed to do if Sebastian gets a severe migraine attack on 1 of the last days of school because of the threat of expulsion.

The vice principal couldn't be bothered to call me back on Thursday, and she couldn't be bothered to answer my first email that I sent on Thursday at 5:26pm, but she is obviously very upset about the email that I sent on Friday night to her, the principal, and the superintendent, because at 7:02am today, she finally replied to me, to the email to the 3 of them, with this very upset and almost threatening sounding statement,
"This information regarding my involvement is not entirely accurate! I will make contact on Monday.
Please be aware that all mail sent to and from Sarasota County Schools is subject to the public records law of Florida."
She sent that reply to all of us, and I sent back the following reply to all,
"I am fully aware that all emails sent to and from Sarasota County Schools are subject to the public records law of Florida.
When I did not receive a call back, as promised by you, I felt that I needed to get in contact with you again, and include others, as this is a very important issue that needs to be addressed immediately as school ends on June 4, 2010, and if he suffers another severe migraine attack, I need to know what I am supposed to do."

I'm not afraid of the public records law of Florida, but obviously she is.
I'm going to make sure that on Monday, I have a way to record or document the entire conversation when she calls, and I'm going to let her know that I'm recording or documenting it.
I can put the phone on speaker, and I'm a hella fast typer, I'll just type out everything she says to me word for word so that she can't say that she never said something.
I mean, she's trying to say that her involvement in this is "not entirely accurate!", but what she doesn't know is that as soon as she threatened Sebastian with expulsion the 1st time, I began typing out everything that she said after that, I knew that I needed to document what she saying, so I did.
I had my email open and I just began composing a new email, and when the call was over, I emailed it to myself.
What I posted, is exactly what she said because I had copied it from the email that I composed while on the phone with her.

I don't type in shorthand, but I can type 80 to 95 words per minute, and maybe some of you have guessed that at the sometimes long entries that I type. (like this one, sorry)
I just get going sometimes and just keep going, plus, I've worked in a customer service position for Georgia Power and Gas, (yup, GP&G customer service is located in Sarasota, Florida) where we had to be able to type 35 wpm minimum in order to even get hired for the job.
I filled out the application and was taken over to a computer to take the typing test where several others were also taking it.
Each person was given just 2 tries to meet the 35 wpm minimum.
I heard a few people start cussing, someone slam their chair and and then storm out, and then I sat down to take my test.
We had a piece of paper with about 3 paragraphs of something typed on it, (can't recall after all these years) and we had to type out the entire thing as fast as we could with a minimum of 4 typos and spelling mistakes.
I got myself into a good seating position, got my hands and arms comfy, (knuckles cracked) and I clicked the start button.
I typed out the 3 paragraphs in just under 1.5 minutes, only 2 spelling mistakes, and my speed was clocked at 84 wpm.
I was hired on the spot, so yeah, typing what someone is saying word for word, is something I can easily do and will always do if I feel that I may need to have proof of something said at a later date.

"Not entirely accurate!"
Yeah, that ain't gonna fly with me.
You said it, you meant it, now deal with the consequences of what you so courageously yelled at me.

May 8, 2010

Despite all the bad, there were some moments of good.

I've had quite a really bad time for the last week, week and a half, I still have 2 posts in draft that honestly, I don't even know if I'm going to publish now.
They are things that I wanted to say, but after some thought, I'm just not so sure now that I want to say them anymore.
Anyway.

I am always entering contests on a lot of my friends blogs that I read, and I won a few of those contests sometime last week.

First, Jenn, aka Five Dollar Shake, had a contest to win a t-shirt from Crazy Dog t-shirts.
I won, and then chose a shirt that, well, just really does suit me.
I think you'll agree. *wink*
I received the shirt and absolutely love it, so thank you Jenn and Crazy Dog T-shirts!
Click here to follow Crazy Dog T-shirts on Twitter, and click here to follow Five Dollar Shake on Twitter.

Then Jenn at In My Bag, had a giveaway for a Tungsten ring from Tungsten Rings Online, valued at $120, and I won that too!
I chose this Womens Tungsten 6mm Dome Wedding Ring, yeah yeah, wedding ring, blah blah, I just like the way that ring looks.
It's very clean, simple, and it's both catch and scratch resistant, meaning it will never snag on a sweater or any kind of fabric, and it will never get scratched during all of the sometimes really crazy things that I do with my hands.
It also comes with a Lifetime Warranty which is fantastic because of all of the sometimes really crazy things that I do with my hands. Hahahaha!
Thank you to both Jenn and Tungsten Rings Online so much for this giveaway, and once I get the ring, I will happily post a pic and a review of it!
Click here to follow Jenn on Twitter.
Tungsten Rings Online does not have a Twitter account, yet.

Sebastian was surfing around the net on their computer one day last week, and he found a contest to win some pull up bars like this one, the contest is now closed, but because you had to be 18 to enter it, he asked me and I entered on his behalf.
He's hoping that my good luck at winning contests will rub off and he'll win it, he really wants to start building up his upper body strength after what happened.

May 6, 2010

Sarasota County school system can kiss my ass.

I was writing up my post last night, I kept getting interrupted, it's in draft, it's ok, trust me, a post in draft is probably the best damn thing going at the minute.

Because of Sarasota County's Zero Tolerance Policy against drugs, what you see above which includes OTC drugs of any kind including Tylenol, Advil, and oh heaven forbid, a prescription medication for migraines.
Sebastian has missed some school, but I have sent him with a note the very next day, as the school tells us to do, every single time he has a migraine and has had to miss a day here and there for it.
We went through this last year, and seriously debated doing the ol' cough and swallow so he wouldn't miss any days of school at all.

In yesterday's mail, I received a letter from the truancy officer for Sarasota County.
The letter states that Sebastian has missed 87 days of school this year.
He has not.
From the first day back in January after Christmas break, until about 3-4 weeks ago, a certain teacher was intentionally marking him as skipping her 7th period class.
He wasn't skipping her class, he transferred out of it before Christmas break, but apparently, no one notified the teacher, so she marked him as absent from her class every single day, and those missed classes got marked as unexcused, and those absences now count against his absences for the year, so for a total of 87 FULL DAYS MISSED, out of 156 full-time class days.

I called the school, spoke to Dr. Moore, the vice principal in charge of attendance, and she said if Sebastian misses even 1 more day, she's expelling him and making sure that I go to court for failure to make my child get an education.
I asked her what I am supposed to do if he has a severe migraine and because of the zero tolerance policy, he cannot take his prescription meds every 4 hours as prescribed, nor can he have any Tylenol or Advil to even try to fight the migraine off so he doesn't miss school, what am I supposed to do Dr. Moore? Tell me what I'm supposed to do? Send him to school suffering with a migraine that blinds him and every sound makes him feel as though his head is going to explode, please tell me what I'm supposed to do, what would you like me to do Dr. Moore?
Her answer to me was "I have other important things to deal with, but if he misses even 1 more day, he's expelled, and you will be going to court."
Click.
She hung up.

I am so so upset right now, I can barely breathe.
I've been crying non-stop since this morning being called a liar, (the liar thing has to do with this as well, but it's a long story, and I am so fucking upset I just don't even want to type anymore right now) and my blood pressure is through the roof.
My friend showed up here when she called just to say hi, and I could barely even speak, so she brought over her cuff and my BP is 162 over 101, probably the highest it's been in months, and I'm so fucking upset, I can't get myself calmed down, this situation is a huge mess, they won't correct the wrong amount of days absent, they are making threats, and last night, my ankles and feet started to swell up bad, but now they are like swollen to super size and are extremely painful because they are blood clots, and because my BP is up racing, the blood clots are just building up even more rapidly than normal.
I'm so lost on what the fucking hell I'm supposed to do!
What the fuck am I supposed to do!!!

May 1, 2010

His fears and worries.

Mark sent me an email around 4am this morning when he couldn't sleep.
I asked if I could post his email, he shrugged his shoulders, said yeah.

"Hey Mom, we don't talk much about things that bother us. It's just the way we are.
I'm worried about you and me.
For every passing day I get further scared of what is coming and what is not.
I am scared that even If I did college, even if I did find some sort of employment, and whatever else, it would be for nothing. The doctor refuses to respond to us and with my back in pain the way it is, it's a constant reminder of what my life is, and watching you, what my life forever will be.
I'm really sorry if this email upsets you, but I just wanted to get this off of my chest.
I love you Mom.
I love how much you are fighting for me.
I love that no matter how much pain you are in, you are fighting for me anyway, and then I worry about you and how much you're hurting.
This whole thing scares me Mom, all of it.
I just needed to tell you this.
I just needed to tell you that I love you and I'm so proud of you for all of it, for all that you do and try to do.
I so wish that I could make it easier for you, for me, for all of us, I hate seeing how hard you work at this, at fighting for me to get a doctor to help me, and they don't, and then I hear you cry, and I know that I can't do anything at all to help you.
I just need you to know that it matters to me, it matters so much Mom.
I don't always say thank you or I love you, but I do, I love you and I just wanted you to know that, to know I love you and thank you for all of it."

I think I cried for about an hour reading that this morning.
I went in Sebastian's room after he left for school, buried my head in his pillows, and just cried.
I wish I could fix Mark, I wish I could take it all away from him, his pain, his fear, his worries.
I wish so much that I could make it all better.
He thanks me?
He thanks me??
I'm the one who thanks him, I'm the one who has every ounce of pride the world over to have him as my son, he's far too awesome for me to even put into words.

April 30, 2010

I'm tired of being a medical test in progress.

I have serious medical issues, I've never lied about them, and I know that I complain too much about them, but one of the things that drives me absolutely batsh*it insane, is the amount of drugs that my docs try on me in order to get some sort of result.

I spent Sunday afternoon in the ER, from probably noon-ish sometime, until about 6 pm.
I was completely dehydrated, again, after not being able to eat or drink for about 5 days due to whatever went in came right back out.
Rapidly.
So 3 bags of fluids, some Zofran, and dilaudid was pumped into me over the course of about 5 hours.
The doc had ordered my nurse to set the fluid bags on high drip, and every time she changed the bag, to inject more Zofran and dilaudid.
I felt tons better about halfway through the send bag, but they kept going because the pinch skin test was still not functioning properly.
The skin test is when they pinch a small pit of skin on the back of your hand, hold it for about 5 seconds, and see how fast it drops back down and even with the rest of your skin.
It didn't drop down fast enough, so more fluids got pumped in.
I had to pee so bad, Oh man did I ever have to pee, and they wanted me to use one of those female urinals, but I just can't, I cannot pee laying down in a bed into a bucket.
I insisted they unhook me or the iv machine from the wall, and let me hobble over to the privacy bathroom
After the nurse hemmed and hawed a bit, the supervisor nurse came over and helped me get to the bathroom.

Then that doc sent me home with some Promethazine.
Promethazine is used to prevent motion sickness, and treats nausea and vomiting or pain after surgery.
It is also used as a sedative or sleep aid.
And he also gave me a script for 20 Percocet t10/325 for the sheer amount of discomfort that I was in due to days of agonizing pain from the constant throwing up and other fun stuff.

I stuck it out as long as long as I possibly could on those 2 drugs since Sunday night, but neither of them were doing what they were supposed to do, I was still puking my guts out, and still puking outta my ass, just about every 20 minutes.
I couldn't take it anymore, and nether could the teens.
I was left a HUGE note on the table for when I woke up, to call my pain doc or they would.
They being Mark and Sebastian.
I made the call because the teens have been absolutely amazing to me, with me, for all of these past years dealing with all of this stuff, they really are going to grow up to be some fantastic young men.

I called my doc's office before they even opened this morning, I called around 7am, they open at 9am, and so I left him a message a begging "Please oh dear doc, please help me, I'm dying! telling him what was going on still. I haven't been able to eat or drink since April 21st, and it was still continuing, please for all that is right and holy in this world, please help me!"

So the doc called in some of the Zofran that the ER had given me, that stuff did work after just 2 doses at the hospital.
He also called in some 10mg Diazepam.
In case you don't know, Diazepam is the generic name for Valium
Diazepam is used for the management of anxiety disorders or for the short-term relief of symptoms of anxiety. Diazepam may also be used to relieve agitation, shakiness, and hallucinations during alcohol withdrawal and relieve certain types of muscle spasms. It may also be used to treat seizures, insomnia, and other conditions as determined by your doctor.
Diazepam may also be used for other purposes not listed in this medication guide.
It got called in to the pharmacy around 9-9:30am when their office opened, I was able to go pick it up around 11:30am after mark won't up so I wouldn't have to go alone, we came back came home, and then took 1 of each, I tried to eat, I tried to do drink, and then promptly passed out for the next 3 hours.
I finally feel somewhat normal except that I'm under the ever-so dashing Prince Valiums spell.
Just since taking 1 dose of the charming Prince Valium's spell, I have encountered almost every single one of the following side effects,.
I've bolded every singe one that I've experienced just since this morning, just since taking just 1.

* confusion, unusual thoughts or behavior;I had absolutely no idea what day or time it was upon waking up.
* unusual risk-taking behavior, decreased inhibitions, no fear of danger;
* depressed mood, thoughts of suicide or hurting yourself;
* hyperactivity, anxiety, agitation, hostility; Oh, my poor boys. I yelled at them for absolutely no reasons whatsoever.
* double vision, hallucinations;
* weak or shallow breathing;
* feeling like you might pass out;
* muscle twitching, tremor;
* fever, chills, body aches, flu symptoms;
* jaundice (yellowing of the skin or eyes); or
* urinating less than usual or not at all. Holy crap! I really need to pee!

Less serious Diazepam side effects may include:

* drowsiness, tired feeling; Just how many 15 minute naps can a person take over the course of 6 hours?
* dizziness, spinning sensation;
* blurred vision; this is no fun
* sleep problems (insomnia), nightmares;
* muscle weakness, lack of balance or coordination; Mark, my son, asked me if I was drunk
slurred speech; Same as above, was I drunk.
* nausea, vomiting, constipation;
* headache, memory problems; freaking make it stop!
* drooling or dry mouth; So attractive to drool all over your pillow.
* skin rash; or
* loss of interest in sex.
_________________________________

Seriously.
I'm so sick of being sick, sick of all of the damn drugs, since of ruining my body even further because of all of the drugs.
This is beyond ridiculous now!!
While I was at the ER on Sunday, they took about a half dozen vials of blood from me, and the doc said that if he found anything serious or even just concerning, he was going to call me and have me come back in,
Ill bet that the white cell counts are through the roof, and he'll be freaking out thinking it's cancer again.
It does feel like though that something is seriously wrong with me all of the time, like I should be more worried than I already am, and so yeah, maybe it's time to try one of those universal life insurance quote places that hopefully doesn't have an age limit, and if they do, a no-existing medical condition clause so that Ic can't be turned away.
The very last thing that I want is for my sons and family to find the money to take care of my remains.
Cremation is cheaper, but it's still a lot whole than SSDI pays out.

April 25, 2010

Big boys and aerobeds.

I still haven't posted much about our trip to Maine to visit all of the relatives, and I was just checking out what Buy.com has on sale this week, when it totally reminded me of what happened at Great-Gram's house.

Great-Gram lives in a seniors only apartment complex, they are all 1 bedroom - 1 bathroom -1 floor, side by side apartments, with 4 apartments to a row, about 16 total apartments up in Standish Maine.
Whenever we go to stay with her, Great-Gram insists on taking the couch, I always tell her that I'll take the couch, I actually sleep better on her couch than her bed, but she insists on me taking her bed, and the teens each take an air mattress with 1 of them in the bedroom with me, and the other in the living room with her.
Great-Gram doesn't get a lot of people staying with her as much anymore, the kids and grandkids are all mostly grown up, so it had been a long time since anyone has needed to sleep on the air mattresses.
When Great-Gram and the teens got the air mattresses out of her closet and had begun to blow them up that first night, neither of them would inflate.
Great-Gram and the teens tried for about an hour to get either of them to inflate and when they wouldn't, she called her daughter Sherri, and then Aunt Sherri sent Uncle Jimmy down to Standish with their air mattress.
Their air mattress wouldn't inflate either, and so Sebastian slept in the queen-sized bed with me, and Great-Gram and Mark got every single blanket that they could find in her closet and piled them up 1 on top of each other on the floor in an attempt to make it as comfortable as possible for Mark to sleep on. (he didn't want to sleep in the bed with me because he's a kicker and he didn't want to kick and hurt me)
The next morning after we had all woken up and had breakfast (except Mark) and made ourselves look presentable, Great-Gram had us all pile in the car and head on down to North Windham to go to Wal*Mart and buy a new air mattress.
We only needed to buy 1 new air mattress because Heather and Kristina (Heather's fiance) have an air mattress that they were going to let us borrow for the week.
Kristina was going to bring it down in the afternoon after Sullivan got off the school bus sometime around 3pm or later, so off we went to Wal*Mart.
Great-Gram found a nice big air mattress kind of like this Aerobed, but a twin sized one.

We also picked up some extra D-cell batteries because the pump that the air mattress comes with uses batteries and Great-Gram wasn't sure that she had enough of them, or if the ones that she did have were any good anymore.
Then Great-Gram insisted that we go to McDonald's for lunch, it was about 11am and time for lunch, and Mark never eats breakfast so he was definitely hungry, so we all went to McDonald's and then to Hannaford's so that Great-Gram could buy more food that I kept telling her not to buy because while the teens do have big appetites, there was already quite a bit of leftovers in the fridge that needed to be eaten.
Both Great-Gram and my Mom bought a ton of food and cooked enough food for an army, and the teens and I tried to eat as much of the leftovers as we possibly could so that nothing went to waste, (I hate wasting food because wasting food is wasting money) and by doing that, we all put on some weight.

We went back home to Great-Gram's house, put all of the groceries away, and then tested out the new air mattress to make sure that we didn't need to turn around and take it back for another one.
It inflated in about 2 minutes, yay!
In the afternoon, Kristina came over with Sullivan and their air mattress, we tested to make sure that 1 still worked, it did, and then they stayed and hung out with us until Heather got done at work, and then they all stayed and we got to have a nice visit until about dinner time.

Neither of the teens is playing with Sullivan and the action figures in this picture, and that's because as soon as they saw my camera, they both jumped up and sat on the couch so there wouldn't be any evidence of them playing with the action figures.
Ya know, they are 16 and 18, they don't want to be seen playing with the "little kid toys", but trust me, they were both down on the floor playing with Sullivan.
Sullivan loves to play with his cousins and the action figures, it's all he could talk about since Heather told him that we were coming up for a long visit, when would he be allowed to go play with his cousins, he even asked if he could he have a day off of school to play with his cousins because of how rarely we go up for a visit.
He (Sullivan) loves Mark and Sebastian, he tries so much to be like them, like the big boy cousins, he's only 8 years old, but he wants to be just like the big boys.
On the Friday night before we were heading back to my parents house for the next week until it was time to fly home on Easter Sunday, we all went out to eat at this awesome restaurant in Cornish called Stone Ridge.
Sullivan wants to be like the big boys so much that when they ordered the never-ending ribs plate, Sullivan ordered it too.
The ribs the teens got were huge, and they got a lot of them on the first plate.
Mark was the only 1 who finished his first plate and got the 2nd plate, but the waitress was really nice and gave each of the boys, including Sullivan, another order of the ribs in take-out boxes to take home.
Sullivan thought he was so cool getting take-home ribs just like the boys, he talked about it all the way home.

I do have a few more things to post about our trip to Maine, I'll get to them as the days go by.

April 23, 2010

Dropping the weight we put on while in Maine.

When we went home to Maine to visit everyone, both Great-Gram and my Mom, fed us huge meals every single day, there were leftovers on top of leftovers stacked up in both of their refrigerators.
Now don't get me wrong, we totally loved every single thing that they cooked for us, but oh man, we were so stuffed after every single meal.
All 3 of us put on quite a few pounds while we were there, I put on about 12 pounds.
Yikes!!
But since being back at home, we've all started getting back to our normal eating habits and losing the weight we put on.
I've managed to lose the whole 12 pounds that I put on and another 7 pounds without having to use my usual diet supplement that I used to take to help me lose weight.
It really works too, I absolutely love it and when my friend Shell emailed me about it the other night, I gave her the name of it and told her how she should take it, and that it works if you remember to take it every day.
I used to buy it at my old pain doctor's office, he highly recommended it to his overweight patients because being overweight can cause your back to hurt more because you're carrying around all of that weight which just puts stress on your back.
I did notice that once I started dropping some weight, that my back didn't hurt quite as much as it normally does, but the pain never truly went away.
I was just happy that some of the pain was gone and that I was losing my belly fat.
_______________________________________

The movie Avatar came out on DVD today and I want it.
I absolutely loved seeing it in the theater in digital 3-D, and I know that the DVD won't be in 3-D, but that's ok, it's still stunning to look at.

I've added it to my wish list so that I remember to buy it when I have some extra money to get us a new movie.
I like to buy us a new movie that we all really loved when I can so that we can watch it over and over again.
The teens have certain movies that they've watched like a gazillion times like The Lord of the Rings trilogy, and Evolution which they watched every single night that I was in the hospital, both times that I was in the hospital.
I asked them why they watched it every night both of the times that I was in the hospital, and they told me that it just comforted them, it took their minds off of me being gone, and it took away their worries about me while they watched it.
I found it interesting that that particular movie is what comforted them.
I honestly don't know why, I've watched that movie and I cannot figure it out.

April 23, 2010

Mugged for a few cans of iced tea.

Yesterday afternoon, the teens went to Publix to get some subs, soda, and some snacks.
On their way back home, 4 teenagers, 3 white and 1 hispanic, stopped the boys up at the apartment complex right up the street, and asked them for a couple cans out of the 12 pack of the Brisk iced tea the teens bought.
Mark said no, told them to go buy some themselves.
The hispanic teen told the teens that they were homeless and thirsty, so Mark replied to go get a job and stay at the homeless shelter.
2 of the teenage thugs walked away, they wanted no part of it, and then the white teen punched Sebastian in the stomach area, and then saw the ace bandage that Sebastian has been wearing on his knee because he pulled a muscle in it from slipping and falling a few days ago.
The white teen then kicked him right in that knee, and Sebastian dropped to the ground.
The hispanic then grabbed the 12 pack of iced tea, Sebastian grabbed it back and it ripped open, and then the hispanic grabbed 4 cans of the tea while Mark was pulling the white kid off of Sebastian.
The hispanic teen told Mark "Stay out of it, don't you dare hit my boy or I'll cut you", and he patted his right front pocket to show Mark that he had a knife.
A teenager in a house across the street came out and said that he was going to call the cops, and so the teenage thugs took off with 4 cans of ice tea, then my teens picked up the rest of the cans and came home.

They walked in the door and Mark said "We got mugged for our iced tea, I'm calling the cops."
The cops came and took my teens names and dates of birth, and their statements.
Suddenly there were 6 cop cars in front of my house because 3 other people had called it in, they were witnesses willing to give statements, and all of them said that what happened was not the fault of my teens, the teen thugs are the ones who stopped my teens, threw punches and kicked Sebastian, and all of them said that Mark never threw a single punch, he simply pulled the white teen off of Sebastian.
Sebastian knows the teenage thugs, he goes to school with them, and so the cops rode Mark and Sebastian up to the apartment complex and started asking people where the 2 thugs lived.
The 2 white teens who were not involved immediately gave up the other 2 who actually attacked my teens.
The cops found the hispanic teen, he answered the door of his apartment holding and drinking 1 of the cans of iced tea.
The cops asked him where he got the can of iced tea, he was all "um, uh, I found it".
The cops asked if he really found it, or did he take it off of 2 teenagers walking home from the store.
He hummed and hawed again, and the cops took that as a yes, he took it from the teens, so they cuffed him and put him in the back of the cruiser.
What he did was now his third strike in a state that has a 3 strikes you're out law.
He's screwed.
The white teen who hit and kicked Sebastian, is now on his third strike as well, so he's screwed too.
That teen took off running, but like I said, there were 6 cops here for this, and he was found and cuffed and stuck in a cruiser too.
The cops then asked Mark and Sebastian to say yes or no when he rolled the window down so that my teens could identify them.
They identified the white teen, and they identified the hispanic teen, and when they identified him, he started crying immediately because he knows he's going down big time.

The district attorney called today, they need my teens to go down to the DA's office on Wednesday to give their official statements so this can go to court.
Because Mark is 18, he can legally press charges on the 2 teen thugs who mugged them, so the DA didn't even want to talk to me today, but I do have to go on Wednesday because Sebastian is still a minor.
The DA is pressing charges and asking for the max because both of the teen thugs are on their third strike, they are both going down big.
The 2 teen thugs are both 17, so they will go to juvenile jail until they turn 18, and then they will go to the big house.
Because the hispanic teen threatened Mark and indicated that he had a knife, he's being charged with a felony assault in the first degree, and conspiracy to commit murder in the first degree.
Even if he didn't have a knife in his pocket, he's getting charged with both of those because even threatening to stab someone is a felony, he's so totally screwed over a couple cans of iced tea.

It's just mind blowing that they did that over a couple cans of iced tea.
My boys are not being charged with anything at all because in Florida, if you're attacked, you are allowed to defend yourself by any means necessary.
Mark didn't hit either of them, but Sebastian did elbow the white kid in the head when he was struggling to get the 12 pack back.

I'm still shocked that they did that over a couple cans of iced tea.
They both knew that if they did any kind of crime that they would be on their third strike, yet they attacked my sons over a couple cans of iced tea.
How freaking stupid do you have to be to physically attack someone for a couple cans of iced tea?

April 21, 2010

They're lucky they're my kids.

This is probably a TMI (too much information) post, but my sons are funny.

Due to my spine being what it is, and all the titanium in there, I'm on pain meds, 1 pill 8 times per day.
And that 1 pill 8 times per day constipates me severely.
And I once again forgot to pick up some stool softeners, so I just happened to mention it to the boys as I passed the room where they were playing WoW and some other video game.
And then Mark says really loud, "Mom, you better not try and push too hard or you'll end up popping a vein or something and need one of those hemorrhoids treatment things the commercials talk about with all of the warnings."
Then the 2 of them busted out laughing and started saying all of the warnings with all of the various drugs that are on the market and you should ask your doctor for.
Like if you're depressed, ask your doctor for such and such drug, but be warned! If you are a senior citizen and seriously depressed, taking this medication could cause sudden death or make you suicidal!
The teens laugh about that one all of the time, an antidepressant that makes you more depressed and possibly suicidal, or it could kill you, but they must have rattled off the names and warnings for at least a half dozen or so drugs, and they kept telling me to be careful if my doctor gives me a certain one, it could cause me to have a sped up heart rate, some stomach issues are possible like painful cramping, constipation or diarrhea, and lose my sex drive, but dag nabbit! I'll be happy about it! ha haha

They must have teased me for a good 20 minutes before they finally dropped it.
That will teach me to mention any of my health issues to them again.

April 20, 2010

Migraines and food.

I felt like total suck all day today.
It started with a blinding and mega painful migraine that I couldn't shake off no matter what I did, so I spent the majority of the day just laying on the couch just watching tv and movies.
The migraine finally decided to leave me about an hour ago.
Looking at bright lights still hurts a little but the migraine is ending.
My lower back started to hurt really bad around noon, so I took my meds and then took a long hot shower.
I just stand there hunched over with my hands on the wall so the hot water can hit is directly.
I wish that I had one of those walk in bath tubs though so I could just sit in a tub full of hot water for as long as I want to.
I miss being able to take baths because I can't bend able.
Oh well.
But I'm feeling well enough to eat something, so I've got 4 of these Barber stuffed chicken breasts with broccoli and cheese, in the oven right now, should be done soon so that I can actually east something today.
I would have cooked them in the NuWave, but I didn't wash it yet from making BBQ chicken legs in it the other day.
I'm cooking all 4 of them (2 per package) because the teens want some too even though they ate huge foot long subs for dinner about 3 hours ago.
I don't mind sharing because I know that they will eat it all, but I hate making something and then they don't eat it all.
I store leftovers for a max of 3 days before tossing it, but the teens won't even touch some of the leftovers if they didn't like it the first time around.
I try to make foods that I know they will like and eat, but sometimes the on;y person who likes it is me.
Ok, gotta go check the chicken and then sit down and eat it, later days.

April 16, 2010

Ripping my family apart.

Before anyone asks or decides to make a judgment about me blogging too much information about my kids and their lives, Mark who is 18, and Sebastian who is 16, have read this post and both have agreed that it could published.
It was edited to their wishes which I have always respected when it comes to blogging about them.

I can't go into many details about what is happening because there are certain people who read my blog, and because some of the details are too emotionally painful.

When we were in Maine, we spent a week with Great-Gram who is 82.
She is their father's grandmother, and she said to the both of them on our very 1st day with her, that she will probably be dead by the next time we can go back up, we only go up to Maine about once every 5 years, that's all I can afford to do, but anyway, she said that she'll probably be dead by the time we get up there next, so her dying wish was for the teens to make peace with their father.
The teens have not spoken to their father in many years, and not for a lack of trying either.
We have lived at the same address since 1998, have had the same phone number since then, have told their father he could even call collect to talk to them if he couldn't afford it, the teens have emailed him from their own accounts, and in the past 12 years, he has only called them once, has only sent one letter and package which contained some of his band's swag, t-shirts, a cd, and bumper stickers.
They only received Christmas presents once, and they weren't even signed by him, his girlfriend at the time and mother of his 6th child, a daughter named Sixx, was the one who signed the gift tags "Love Dad", it was clearly not his handwriting and his sons knew it because they read the letter he sent with the band swag.
When he did reply to their emails which was not often, he often accused them of being me, so he called me names and spoke to me the way he always does.

So when Great-Gram asked the teens to make peace with him, Mark apologized to her, but said no, he will not ever forgive his father for all of his wrong-doings against them, that he will never forget any of the things that he did and said to them.
Sebastian, always the people pleaser, said yes, so she set up some visits with their father.
Sebastian has no memories of what happened to him as a baby, he doesn't remember the abuse done to him at his father's hand, and he wants to get to know his for father himself instead of all of the stories from Mark and other family members including Great-Gram.

The visits went well, he said that his father has totally changed, has all of his kid's names (6 kids in total) tattooed on his hands, has their pictures everywhere in his apartment, and tells everyone how much he loves all of his kids.
The visits went so well that Sebastian and his father discussed Sebastian going to stay with him for a month this summer.
His father said he would pay for everything including the plane tickets.
This is a man who can't pay the child support amount of $59 every week, but somehow he's going to come up with the money for a round-trip plane ticket.

Sebastian says that he wants to go, he wants to learn who is father is for himself, and he wants to meet and spend time with all of his half-siblings.
Mark is absolutely furious that Sebastian wants to do this because of all that they went through when they were little, because their father has never paid any attention to them for 12 years, but suddenly, now, now he wants to be "Dad" and love them, now he wants to spend time with them, now that they are all grown up and the hard work of raising them is over, now he wants to be a part of their lives.
Mark wants absolutely nothing at all to do with him ever, except to take his father to court and sue him for all of the back due child support owed to them, but other than that, he doesn't want anything to do with their father.
Mark said that any old asshole can make a baby and be called a father, but a real man, a man who is there for his kids all of the time no matter what the relationship with the mother is, is a man who has earned the title of "Dad", and the man who made him is not his "Dad" and never will be, he hasn't done a thing to earn that title.

The teens argue about this trip constantly, if they aren't bickering over the video games, they are at each others throats over Sebastian wanting to spend a month with their father.
Mark is so angry about it, irate over it, that he told Sebastian that if he goes through with it and spends a month with their father this summer, that when he gets home, he will no longer have a brother in him, that he will disown Sebastian, he will be dead to Mark.

Since coming home, this has been a constant source of stress for me, for all of us, it's ripping my family apart.
There has been hours and hours of yelling and screaming, crying, begging, pleading, more yelling and crying, and silent treatments too.
We went to the grocery store late this afternoon, and something set them off in the store, something was said, I missed it, but it started them at each others throats again.
No matter how many times I told them to stop it, to stop bickering about it, save it till we get back home, they kept at each other with snarky little comments back and forth through the entire store and the whole walk home.
When we got home, they gave each other the silent treatment for about 3 and a half hours.
Every single day since getting back from Maine, there has been some sort of argument between them over this.

I am at a total loss of what to do about all of this.
I have tried talking to them about it, but they are both dead set on their side of this issue.
I have my own very valid concerns about Sebastian going, things which I have discussed with him, told him to be very aware of if he does go, but other than telling him my concerns if he does go, there's not much that I can do because he told me that if I love him, if I really loved him as much as I say that I do, I'll let him go.
I love him far more than he will ever know, but I know that if I put my foot down and say no, that he will be angry at me and resent me for a very long time.
I don't want that, my heart couldn't take it if he ended up resenting or hating me because I don't want him to go spend a month with their father, but all I am trying to do is to protect him.
I can't give you the details on why I want to protect him so much, but there are very real, very valid reasons why I am trying to protect him.

I really am at a total loss of what to do here, if I let him go and he goes, Mark will disown him as his brother and things will never be the same or ok between them ever again.
If I don't let him go, he will end up hating and resenting me.
In the meantime, my sons are at each others throats, this is really ripping our little family apart and I don't know what to do.

April 11, 2010

Johnson's Buddies Easy-Grip sudzing bar.

I have so many things to blog about our trip to Maine to visit all of our family and a few of my friends, and I'll slowly be posting all of the stories now that my internet is back on and working correctly, but I just have to tell you this one thing!
It's probably a totally silly thing to most people, but it's something that I love so I want to tell you about it. haha ha!

At my Mom and Dad's house, they have this soap in the bathroom, it's called Johnson's Buddies Easy-Grip Sudzing Bar, and it's about $1 per bar.
It's made for small kids and toddlers to help teach them good hygiene practices by helping them wash their hands with a bar soap that won't slip out of their hands.
The soap comes in a non-slip pouch, you get it wet, and then lather up, and it will not slip out of your hands.
The soap also comes in a fun and bright color to attract kids, and it also comes in a great scent, yummy watermelon.
And when I say a great scent, I mean it, the smell of this soap is fantastic, intoxicating, and addicting.
I have taken a couple showers with it since coming home with a few bars that mom bought for me after I kept coming out of her bathroom smelling my hands and raving about it.
"Mmmm, Mom, I loooove that soap, what is it called, I want it, it smells sooo good!"
This is what the soap looks like.

The soap is allergy tested so I won't get any hives from using it, and the non-slip pouch is really perfect for me because sometimes my finger joints get really stiff, and so trying to pick up and hold onto a bar of soap can be rather difficult.
This is also why my Mom and Dad use it, they both have gripping issues due to arthritis, so the Johnson's Buddies soap is really perfect for people who may have that disease, or a neurological problem that causes them to have trouble holding onto things.
The non-slip pouch is also great for taking showers, if it can't slip out of your hands, you won't be dropping it in the shower and having to bend down to try and pick it up, and then keep losing your grip on it, which is another reason I really like it.
I can't bend down in the shower to pick up a bar of soap because I don't bend so well, so this bar is really awesome in the shower for people with arthritis, neurological gripping issues, or people who can't move so well any more.
I can totally see this bar being used by more than just kids and toddlers, I can see seniors, people who use a shower chair, people who have mobility issues, all kinds of people for all kinds of reasons, the non-slip grip is really perfect for a lot of people, not just kids.

As I said above, the Johnson's Buddies Easy-grip sudzing bar is only about $1 per bar at most stores, and can be found in the baby goods aisle, and it can also be bought online.
I went and looked, and found out that Buy.com sells it, (they really are becoming more than just an electronics e-tailer!) and they are temporarily out of stock on the single bars right now, but I'm hoping that they will get more in stock, and also start carrying and put on sale the 24-packs of it too.
A 24-pack is only about $25-$27, and because of that price, the shipping is usually free.
Most regular bar soaps average around $3 per bar, and that's just a normal bar of soap, not a no-slip one, so to get a full size bar of soap that won't slip out of your hands at the sink or in the shower, is allergy tested, and smells absolutely incredible, for about $1 per bar, you can't beat it.
I know this post probably sounded kinda silly to most of you, but I just had to share because I love it so much!

March 16, 2010

Aspirin, shaving, hair dye, and packing.

Every morning I wake up and take all of my medications.
I take my pain medicines, my muscle relaxer, my joint supplements, my cal/mag/zinc, my blood pressure medicine, and for the last week and a half, since going to both the ER and my doctor, an aspirin a day for blood clots.
Aspirin thins your blood out so that you don't get as many blood clots, and it also helps to break up some of the larger already formed blood clots.

Today I decided to do some things to make myself look and feel a little better before we leave tomorrow for our trip.
I colored my hair for the first time in a year, plucked my eyebrows, and shaved my legs.
I don't shave my legs all that often, like maybe once a week.
I just don't see the need to do it often as I have no one to be looking at my legs, or rubbing my legs, so I let it grow and then shave it once a week or so.
Yeah, maybe people consider that kinda gross, but meh, shaving my legs is a total pain in the butt and I usually use Veet, but I didn't feel like doing that today.
I now wish that I had used the Veet though, and from now on I will.

When shaving your legs and taking an aspirin a day, if you cut yourself, you bleed and bleed and bleed.
Holy crap do you bleed.
I didn't even realize that I had cut the skin near my ankle bone, I lose feeling in my lower legs and feet from time to time, so I didn't feel the cut.
I didn't notice that I had cut myself until I looked down into the tub and saw that the water was tinged with red.
I looked all over both of my legs for the cut, and that's when I saw it right on the ankle bone, and it was just gushing.
I finished up my shower and got out making sure to stay standing on a towel so I didn't bleed on the floor, but I still didn't know how bad the bleeding was going to be.
I dried off my legs really good, cleaned and dried my ankle, and by the time I got done opening the first aid kit, opening the box of band-aids, and opening a band-aid, there was blood just gushing out of the cut, my foot was covered in blood, it had soaked through the towel and was starting to stain the terrazzo floor.
I cleaned off the cut again and put the band-aid on.
I got dressed and looked down, it had bled through the band-aid and was running down my foot again.
I took that band-aid off and put on a new one, it bled through that one in a matter of minutes too, so I got out a gauze pad, folded it up, and taped it to my ankle.
10 minutes later, it had soaked through that too.
I changed that one out, and it bled through the new one in about 20 minutes, so the bleeding was slowing down, but it was still bleeding too much.
I put on another new gauze pad and tape, and this time it finally stopped bleeding enough after a good 2 and half hours that I could put a regular band-aid back on it.
It was really scary that way it just kept bleeding, the boys were joking about how I was going to bleed to death from shaving, but I didn't think it was all that funny considering how much it was bleeding, it really scared me.

After I finally got to stop bleeding, I went and finished packing my stuff up, well most of it.
There's some things that I can't put in my suitcase and carry-on until we are actually ready to leave in the morning, but it's mostly packed right now.
The boys are all packed up too, I think there's just a few more pieces of clothing for each of us in the dryer to pack up after it stops.
We're heading over to Mindy's house for dinner tonight, then coming home, trying to get some sleep, and then leaving here around 4:45am to head to TIA (Tampa International Airport) to fly Jet Blue to Maine.
Everyone is so excited for our trip, we're excited to be going, and family and friends are excited to see us.
It's going to be a very good trip.

March 15, 2010

Allergies, cats, and a sorely needed vacation.

I woke Sebastian up at 6am for school, and then went back to sleep.
When I woke up again at 8am, I had been hit by another allergy attack.
My left eye was completely swollen shut, and my lips were swollen to a size like a combination of Mick Jagger and Angelina Jolie.
Huge.
Enormous.
Like those wax lips we had when we were kids, but 3 times bigger.
My lips were so swollen and painful, I thought if they got any bigger that they were going to explode.
I've already taken 4 doses of Benadryl and it's just now starting to go down.
A little.
It looks really, really bad.
This happened on the 12th too, I took a picture of it that time, but I am so not taking a picture of it this time.
No way, not this time, I look absolutely horrible.

Other than allergy attacks which are preventing me from getting some stuff done, the teens and I are just getting things ready to leave for our trip to Maine.
I've been needing a vacation for so long now, it's been almost 5 years since we last went home to Maine, since we had a vacation, and I've been saying for a long time now that I need to get away, just go home to my family and friends, I need a break away from here, so I'm very excited to be going.
We've almost gotten all of our clothes and things ready, stuff we need to take, and making sure that everything is ok here at the house for Mindy to take care of the cats and stuff.
I went to the store on Saturday and bought 8 bags of cat litter and 4 bags of cat food.
I dumped 2 bags of the food in the bucket with some that was already in there, and stuck the other 2 bags in the fridge so that it won't get chewed at and opened by the cats if I were to place it under the cabinet where I keep the bucket of cat food.

Mindy is going to come over everyday and feed them, clean their litter boxes, and collect our mail for us.
Her daughter Katie is going to help because the cats are going to be so lonely with no one to pet them and talk to them, so while Mindy is cleaning the litter boxes and feeding them and grabbing the mail, Katie is going to pet and talk to the kitties to let them know that they are still loved, that they are ok, and that we'll be home eventually.
Poor Kali is going to lick the fur off of her belly anyway, but maybe having someone come here everyday and lay down on the couch with her and pet her, will make her a little less anxious and she won't lick so much of her fur off.

Right now the teens are at Publix grabbing some dinner and snacks for all of us, there's no way that I was going to go anywhere looking like this.
I look like I got beat up because my left eye and lips are so swollen, I don't want anyone to ask me what happened, and I don't want to have to explain that I'm allergic to something yet I don't know what it is.
I really have no idea what is causing this.
It's not the laundry stuff, I got rid of that quite awhile ago.
I don't eat peaches or strawberries, I know I'm allergic to those.
And it's definitely not pollen as I'm not having any other symptoms of a pollen allergy.

Anyway, I have some dishes to do to make sure that the house is mostly clean when we leave.
I told Mindy that she didn't need to clean my house, but she said she was going to clean the house anyway, that she thought we'd like to come home to a clean house.
It's true, it's always nice coming home to a clean house, but she doesn't have to do it is what I'm saying, I didn't ask her to, and even if I say no, she said she was going to do it anyway.
So I'm going to do all of the dishes and as much general cleaning as I can so that there isn't too much for her to do.

Ok, off to get some more stuff done and hoping that the swelling goes down soon, I look terrible and it's really kind of painful too.
Later days.

March 11, 2010

Trying to get ready to go.

There's so much to do and take care of before we can go on Wednesday, and I'm stressing out big time.
I am going through my clothes trying to find warm enough clothes to bring with me, and so I was going through my pants and instead of finding my jeans, (I can't find my damn jeans!) all I found were an old pair of jogging pants that look like tuxedo pants, they have like these satin white stripes going down the sides.
I don't want to have to wear those while there.
I want my jeans.
Things are just slowly falling apart too.
My ride to the airport on Wednesday morning bailed on us, their car now has to be used by their son, so yeah, no ride to the airport unless I come up with money to pay for car service.
Yeah, no pants, no ride.
Way wicked stressed the hell out.

March 10, 2010

Lift, tighten, and dance.

I stay up so late that I think that I have seen infomercials for just about any kind of product that you can possibly think of.
The latest one that I watched was last night, it was for the kymaro body shaper.
I thought I had seen it before, and I was kind of right.
Back in January, both the LA Times and The Huffington Post, had reported that one of Lady Gaga's costumes was in fact just a Kymaro Body Shaper.
The story was not true of course, but you do have to admit that her costume does look like it.

A rep for Lady Gaga says that it's definitely not true, and that the skeleton part of the costume was designed by Gary Card.
I have no idea if the body shaper actually works or not, I just found it interesting and kind of funny that people thought she used one of them as a costume.

March 6, 2010

I'm going even if I have to call a cab.

I am definitely going to the ER today, Saturday, even if I have to call a cab to get there and back.
I was going to go on Friday, but everyone was working and I feel like a huge pain in the ass asking for people to help me again and again, and it looked as though it was going away.
I swear it looked a thousand times better by Friday afternoon around 3pm.
I absolutely have to get looked at, I know this now, I thought it would go away, I thought it was going away, but as I sit here right now, at 2:32am, the severe pain, hot to the touch, and swelling up like balloons, is back.
It really had started to go away, the swelling was mostly gone, the pain was gone, the redness was gone, I thought it was finally going away and I could avoid the doctor or hospital, but it now looks like I may actually have what the pain doc was worried about, DVT, Deep Vein Thrombosis, aka, blood clot in the leg.

DVT is as described;
A clot blocks blood circulation through these veins, which carries blood from the lower body back to the heart. The blockage can cause pain, swelling, or warmth in the affected leg.
The exact symptoms I have been experiencing, and even though I have a blood clot filter (vena cava filter) it can't stop all clots, or the filter itself is clogged up which is the cause of the DVT.
I have been reading up on both DVT and pulmonary embolisms, and I am not liking what I'm reading, so I need to go to the ER today.
I'm scared, I don't want any more health problems, I have enough of them already.
I'm sick of being sick, I'm sick of having hives from allergies, I'm sick of being in pain, and now this?!
I possibly, more than likely really do have DVT, the symptoms all match up, things that the doctor said, things friends have said, things my sister Jo said to me on Friday, all of it points to DVT without any of them actually saying it.

With all of the things I have wrong with me now, I wonder if I would be denied for social security disability like I was when I first applied.
They denied me twice, it took almost 5 years of fighting and lawyers to get it, and I know a couple of people who are going through it right now, they are on their second denial/second appeal, and could probably use a good lawyer like I had who has major experience fighting the denials.
I swear the SSA loves to deny everyone who applies at least twice.
I think they like to test people, to see if you file the appeals to prove that you're serious.
If you give up after being denied the first or second time, then maybe you're not really disabled or something.
It's a theory.

Anyway, I am going to call a friend in the morning, see if she can just drop me off and I'll call a cab to come back home when they release me, if they release me.
Oh man, what if they keep me because it's a severe clot and they gotta open up my right upper thigh/groin area, to clean out my vena cava filter?!
I swear, I can't take much more of this stuff, it's all just really too freaking much man.

March 5, 2010

Update on Sebastian's arm.

I took Sebastian to the doctor on Monday to have his arm checked out because of the pain he's been dealing with for almost 2 weeks now.
The doc is his primary care doc, a pediatrician, and not the pediatrician that Sebastian was seeing at the time that his arm was broken.
So basically, he didn't quite know what to do, so he gave him a referral to the orthopedic doc right next door, Sarasota Orthopedics.
I am trying to get him an appointment scheduled, but it's not going very well.
They keep giving me dates and times that I simply cannot get him there.
Times like 7:45am.
Um, I do not have any way or any one to give us a ride at that hour or the day.
Dates and times like RIGHT NOW.
The scheduler asked me if I could get there in the next 20 minutes.
Um, no.
How many times have I repeatedly told her in just this 1 phone call, I do NOT have a car, and I am not allowed to drive, and everyone I know who could give us a ride, is at work right now.

Yeah, this is how it was going so I told her that I would call her back.
I had to get off of the phone, she was totally frustrating me.

March 3, 2010

Almost killed by an elderly driver today. Seriously.

I had my regularly monthly appointment with my pain doc today, it went well, and then I talked to him about my swollen feet issue that I've had for the last 5 days.

On Saturday night around 6pm or so, I noticed that on my left calf, there was this weird red patch, it was hot and painful to the touch.
By later that night, around 9pm, the red and painful patch had grown, started to swell, and moved down into my left foot, and my foot had also swollen up.
I went to bed and when I woke up Sunday morning, my right foot was swollen as well, and my right calf was also swollen, red, and hot to the touch just like my left.
By Monday morning, both feet, calves, and all of the way up to my knees, were swollen, red, hot, and extremely painful to the touch, just trying to walk to the bathroom was agonizing.
My ankles and feet were the worst, they just kept getting bigger and bigger, but they were not soft, the skin was rock hard when I touched it, which I tried to avoid doing because the slightest touch sent waves of pain through my feet and legs.
My toes were huge, they looked like if they got any more swollen, that they would just explode, and the toe ring I wear on my right foot, had to be taken off on Tuesday night because it was starting to cut off circulation.
I took this picture of my feet right before that, and in it, you can see how swollen up my feet, ankles, and toes were, and you can see the red areas too.
Click the pic for biggie size.

So I showed the doc my feet, he touched them which hurt so bad I thought that I was going to cry, and just walking from my house to the car, the car to the elevator at the doc office building, basically, everywhere I have walked has made it hurt so much that I have had to use my cane which I haven't used since my last surgery.
My doc told me that I absolutely needed to go see my primary care doc tomorrow, or go to the ER if I can't get in to see her, or he's going to call and send an ambulance to take me and have me admitted to the hospital.
The reason is that he believes that it may be a blood clot problem, and even though I have a Vena Cava filter, a blood clot filter, the filter may not be stopping all of the blood clots.
He said that the Vena Cava stops large blood clots, and breaks them up, but if a small blood clot passes through, it will get to my heart and lungs and possibly cause a pulmonary embolism.
He said that I absolutely need to get to either my primary care doc or the ER, tomorrow, and if I don't go tomorrow, he will call an ambulance and have me admitted even if I don't want to, he can order it and there will be nothing I can do, the hospital will not release me until he says so, so I will be seeing my primary care doc tomorrow, no problem, I do not want to be forced to stay in the hospital against my will.

Now this is when I was almost killed by an elderly driver.

After I left his office, I went to the pharmacy that I always go to, it's just a couple of blocks away from his office, they are really quick, and there's other stores in the plaza so that I can go get a soda to wash down my meds after I get them.
I made a very crude drawing of the pharmacy and stuff so that you can sorta see the layout and what happened a bit better.
But what happened was that I was almost in one of those videos where a car goes crashing through the front windows of a store.

This is my very badly drawn picture of the pharmacy, and I had dropped off my script at the drop off window and was sitting in 1 of the 8 chairs that are lined up against the windows.
The windows are very large, they go almost floor to ceiling, and my friend Nic had just left to go back out the the truck to have a smoke and call back her friend who had called while we were in the doc's office.

Just 10 seconds after she walked out, a young man about age 20 or so, who was sitting next to me, grabbed his girlfriend and threw her toward the pick up window, then grabbed my left arm shirt sleeve and yelled at me, "GET UP AND MOVE!! NOW!!!"
I got up as quickly as I could and ran toward the drop off and pick up windows where the young couple had moved to, I turned around just in time to see 1 car coming at us sorta sideways, and it was being pushed by a silver SUV that was being driven by an elderly man who we found out after the cops came, was age 87.
He had tried to park in a space in the parking lot directly across from our windows, and instead of hitting the break, he hit the gas.
His SUV went up over the median and cement curb, and hit a car that was illegally parked along the side of the road, but if that car hadn't been illegally parked there, the old man's SUV would have definitely come straight through those windows, no doubt about it, he was going very, very fast.

The illegally parked car was pushed sideways up onto the sidewalk bending the passenger side wheel almost down flat, and it was pushed up against this huge rubber trash can that squished completely up against the pharmacy glass windows.
The windows cracked, all of the chairs where we had just been sitting, were pushed about 3 feet into the pharmacy lobby, 1 of them was pushed up against the legs of the young man who yelled at me to move, his girlfriend was screaming and trying to squeeze herself up against the wall and pick up window as much as she could.
I was standing there up against the wall in complete shock, I don't know if I screamed, spoke, or if I even made any sound at all, but I do know that when I saw those cars coming at us, I saw the smiling faces of my sons flash before my eyes.

Lucky for us, both cars stopped before coming through the windows.
We are so damn lucky that they stopped, there was absolutely no where for us to go, no door to run through, no counters to jump up on, and the drop off and pick up windows are very small, only big enough to pass through the prescription bags, payments, hands, and the rest of the area of those drop off/pick up windows are covered in thick Plexiglas so that no one can try to jump over the counters and steal medicine.
We were trapped basically, if those cars had come through, we would have been totally trapped with nowhere to go, nowhere to move to, and we absolutely would have been and probably killed by one or both of those cars.
My picture makes the lobby look kind of big, but it's not at all, there's probably a total of 8 feet from the row of chairs to the drop off and pick up windows, that's it, the lobby isn't even big enough to fit 1 car to park it, never mind 2 cars coming fast into it.

After the cars stopped moving, the old man got out of his SUV and looked at the other car and said, "Everybody looks ok", and he got back in his car and tried to drive off.
3 or 4 people started yelling for people to dial 911 and for him to not leave, 1 guy reached through the old man's window and yanked the keys out, he was just going to leave!!
The pharmacy clerk called 911, said there was an accident, a bad one, we needed and ambulance too, and fire and rescue was there within minutes, less than 7 minutes, they were very fast.
The passenger in the car that had been hit and pushed, in the front passenger seat, was trapped inside the car, the dashboard and steering wheel was squished into him.
The driver of that car was using the ATM next door, she saw the whole thing.
She watched as her car was 100% totaled and her 2 passengers, her own elderly father in the front seat, and her son in the back seat, were both injured.
Her son was wearing his seat belt, but the car had been hit so violently from the left side, that he was whipped side to side and his head hit the window on the right passenger side, and his head was bleeding.
Her elderly father was trapped as I said, and he was bleeding from his head also, and he was yelling out in pain about his left leg and he said that his ribs hurt too.
Fire and rescue got the son out first and then worked on the elderly father while the woman was frantically going back and forth between her son and her father, face as white as a sheet, crying, screaming, and the old man who caused all of this, was out of his car and looking at the damage he caused to her car, he picked up part of the radiator grill off of the sidewalk and placed it on what was left of the hood.
There was glass and pieces of the car all over the sidewalk.

Nic came running, from where the truck was parked, she saw the accident but couldn't see if the car had gone through the pharmacy windows or not because of a cement pillar, she didn't know if the car came through and I was hurt or not.
She had to tell the police that she had a friend inside the store, she needed to get in and make sure that I was ok, I heard her yell at the cop who was trying to stop her, "MY friend is in there! She is a disabled single mother! I need to make sure she's ok! Her sons! OMG her sons! You HAVE to let me in there!! NOW!!"
I'm not big on people touching me, I very rarely hug anyone except my own kids and very close relatives like my parents, my sisters, my best friend Shell, etc, but when Nic came in and threw her arms around me, I was never so happy to have someone to hug as when she did that moment.
I was so scared, I was shaking, I felt nauseous, my whole body was shaking uncontrollably, and I started to cry a little bit.
The young couple were hugging each other, the girl was crying very loudly, the pharmacist was also very upset and she just kept asking us if we were all ok, it was like a broken record, she just kept repeating it over and over, "Are you all ok? Are you all ok?"
We were, thankfully both cars had stopped coming, if they had come in, we would probably not even be able to answer her, heck, she might not have even been able to ask that question.

It was a very terrible, absolutely horrifying, experience.
I have never been in a car accident, I have never come close to being hurt or dying from an accident like that.
I have had my heart stop twice during my last surgery, so I have been close to death before, but I have never been that close to almost being seriously hurt or killed in a car accident.
The medics and police did everything they needed to do out there, the pharmacist hurried and filled the scripts of the young couple and myself so that we could get out of there.

We asked the police if they needed statements from us, they didn't, but they did get our names and phone numbers in case they need to talk to us later, and after I finished giving the cop my info, I yelled very loudly that allowing the elderly to renew their license by mail is so fucking wrong because of shit like this.
There are so many accidents in Sarasota that are caused by the elderly, I've posted about it many times before, about all of the accidents that happen every year during season because of how the elderly drive, or should I say, because of how the elderly CAN'T fucking drive, and it pisses me the hell off that they are allowed to renew their drivers licenses by mail every year, that they don't have to be road tested, it's not right.

The elderly should have to be road tested every year after a certain age, they should have to be road tested every single year after the age of retirement, if they take the road test and fail, their license gets revoked.
If this was made into a law, there would be far less accidents every year because a lot of the elderly would have their licenses revoked, I just know it, I see so many elderly people driving around who clearly shouldn't be.
There are so many of them who should not be driving for so many reasons.
Their vision is horribly bad, their reflexes are bad, the medications that they take, they drink and drive all of the time, but the medical reasons alone would probably cause a good majority of them to have their licenses revoked.
I know that this subject gets brought up every couple of years in the state senate, but it needs to come up every year until they actually do something about it.
The elderly absolutely should have to be road tested every single year past the age of retirement.
I'm sick and tired of watching the news and seeing about another accident, watching them cause or nearly cause accidents while I'm out on the road myself, or like today, almost being killed by 1 of them.

Something has to be done, a couple of people, me included, almost died today because another elderly person hit the gas instead of the brake, again.

March 1, 2010

Sebastian is off to the doc today for pain in the broken bone area.

Sebastian has been having some pain in his left arm where it was very badly broken in 2003 by a teenager in our neighborhood, when Sebastian was just 9.
The doctors told me back then that he would be needing surgery when he got older, because he wasn't done growing yet, the bones were going to keep growing, and then when he was done growing in his late teens, he will need surgery to correct the probable rotation issues, and to also shave off the excess bone growth in that area of the arm.
For those of you new to my blog and the story of The Teen™ and Sebastian's broken arm, just click that link up there or here, and read the long entry to get caught up.
That entry is so long because the original post about that day was on my old host and when I was using Word Press, so I had to copy/paste it from all of my saved and exported blog entries.

Anyway, for about the last week or so, Sebastian has been waking up in the morning with pain right at the break site, it's hurting at the break site when he carries his books around school, when he carries his backpack home, and when he sits at the computer for too long because their desk chair is a little bit too low.
Even though I knew that the day would come when his arm would start giving him problems, I always hoped that it just wouldn't.
I always had this small hope in the back of my mind that the orthopedic doctors who treated him in 2003, were wrong, that they couldn't predict the future.
He was just this small, skinny kid who weighed barely 70lbs, always active, running around and playing, and all of that running around playing is what got him the broken arm on the afternoon of January 12th, 2003.
That was the day that The Teen™ picked up my skinny, barely weighing 70lbs kid, and flung him to the concrete driveway like he was a ragdoll, causing a level 4 out of 5 break in his left arm right at the growth plate. (the x-ray of that break is in that entry)

The orthopedic doctor on call for the emergency room that night, told me that he would be needing surgery when he grew up, the orthopedic surgeon at All Childrens Hospital, told me that he would be needing surgery when he got older, it was just a matter of waiting until he grew up to start seeing the problems.

This just sucks, I was so hoping that the doctors were wrong, I wanted them to be wrong, I wanted them to be so damn wrong about this!
We have an appointment at 3pm to get his arm looked at, he'll have to go get x-rays I'm sure, and then we'll learn if he really is going to need surgery like the 2 orthopedic surgeons said 7 years ago.

February 27, 2010

Window shopping and dinner out.

I was really hoping to be able to find a desktop gaming pc on sale at Buy.com a little sooner, but it hasn't turned out that way.
Did I mention in the post that we are wanting a gaming pc?
I didn't?
Well yeah, seeing as the teens really only use the computer for playing WoW and other video games, Sebastian does all of his digital design stuff on the mini-netbook, they use the desktop to play WoW and do a few other things, but mostly gaming.

Buy.com does have a couple of refurbished desktops on sale this week, an HP, and a Dell, but they really aren't built for what we are needing, so we're going to do a look in-store later this afternoon and see what we can find, check out prices, and then I'll probably come back to Buy.com and see if they have a good gaming pc in stock to get.

They do have some other great stuff on sale though, like a Kingston 4GB microSDHC Card, for just $12 bucks with free shipping, which I could use either in my camera or in my cell phone.
I did buy myself a new cell phone today, I bought a Kyocera X-tc, I bought it for my birthday present to myself on Monday.
It was totally on sale too, just $59 down from $129, so yeah, I got a really great deal on a birthday present for myself.
They also have the hard rubberized cases for the X-tc, I want the purple one, but it's currently not in stock in that color, so I'll add it to my wish list to get later on.
Those are only $6.55 including the shipping, so yeah, I'll add that for a later date purchase.

What?
How old will I be turning?
40.
Yuh.
The big 4-0.
I feel like I'm 80 today, the cold and rain are kicking my butt, but after we get done doing some window shopping for the pc and go out to eat with sis and Susan, I'm going to come home, take a long hot shower, and bundle up under some warm blankets for the rest of the day and night, maybe curl up on the couch with my blankets and use the netbook from there for awhile.

Ok, this soon-to-be 40 year old needs to go get myself ready to go, hair brushed, teeth, clean clothes, ha ha.
Later days!

February 16, 2010

Food, allergies, and hopefully, a vacation.

Things have just been so mega crappy for me lately, and I know, I complain way too much on my blogs, but eh, they're my blogs and I'll whine if I want to.
The cold weather is freaking killing me, every single joint aches so bad from the cold and my arthritis, it's just been miserably painful, so I haven't been online much at all, haven't done any work, or done much of anything really.
I did go to the store yesterday to buy some food for the teens to eat, I haven't felt like eating much lately, but while there, I must have touched something that had some peach stuff on it.
I'm seriously allergic to peaches, so within an hour of getting home, my hands and lips, and parts of my face had started to swell up and be painful.
And of course, I didn't know that I had come in contact with any peaches, so I didn't buy any Benadryl or anything to combat the allergy attack.
Then the hives started to form all over my whole body.
Arms, legs, torso, hands, and face.
By 11pm, it looked as though I had just gone through a round of acne scar removal therapy, my face had huge red puffy hives all over it, eyelids swollen, cheeks puffed up and red, it looked bad.
I'm glad that I really don't go anywhere or have to look good for anyone, because I looked really, really bad.

I will be getting my income tax refund back sometime next week, direct deposited to my Amscot account, and I am hoping that after I pay a few bills and things off, that the teens and I can go to Maine to visit everyone.
Visit my parents, the teens Great-Gram and Aunt Heather, and then all of my newly found bio-siblings and families.
The teens and I would love to go up, we haven't been back home to Maine in like 4-5 years, and now, with all of my newly found bio-siblings, I have so many people to try and visit in just 1 week of vacation time.
I seriously need a vacation, and even though it will be wicked busy visiting everyone, I still need to get up and go home, go away from here, go see my best friend Shell and sister Joanne, everyone.
I think a huge part of my lack of focus and drive, my lack of motivation, and even part of my depression, for the last few months, is because I am so far away from everyone that I love, I am away from them, alone, and it really bothers me sometimes to not be able to just go hang out with my best friend, or now that I found her, be able to go talk to my big sister Joanne.
I really hope that I can find some good ticket prices so that we can afford to go, I need it in a bad way.
Keep your fingers crossed for me to find good prices from either Sarasota or Tampa, to Portland Maine, ok?

I have so much to do still, so much work to catch up on, I have laundry piled up, I still need to go get the actual groceries too.
I just bought simple and easy stuff yesterday, just what Sebastian and I could carry home, so later this evening, my friend Nic and I are going to go do the real grocery shopping, so I need to make sure my list is complete, get my coupons together, and then just wait for Nic to be ready to go.
I'm going to attempt to get as much stuff done as I can in the meantime though.

February 12, 2010

Slowly coming back to life.

All I can say is please let this sickness finally be over, please.
I have been so sick for going on almost 3 and a half weeks now, it's been horrible, and I certainly have absolutely no need for any kind of diet supplements right now or probably anywhere in the near to see future.
I haven't been able to eat anything, cook anything, not even look at any kind of food, or else I have ended up running to the bathroom to hurl up nothing but stomach bile.
Tonight, my friend Nic was out running some errands and called to ask me if the teens had eaten dinner yet.
I said no, not really, they had some cereal I think, I couldn't be sure as I was in laying down on Sebastian's bed with all of the kitties, so she said she'd bring them back something to eat.
About an hour or so later, she knocked and then just came on in, (friends are allowed to just walk in) and she had brought the teens some burgers and fries from Checkers.
She just grabbed them each 2 cheeseburgers, 2 fries, and a drink each, off of their dollar menu.
The teens were thrilled and started chowing down almost before she set the bags down.
I was eternally grateful because there was simply no way that I could cook anything at all.

On top of being sick, it's been cold here for the last 2 days, and then it rained all day today, so I was sick and in horrid pain all over my entire body.
I'm just now able to really sit up and do anything at all.
I tried to combat the pain and stiffness from the weather, and took a Soma.
Bad idea.
It's not nicknamed the Soma Coma for nothing.
I'm glad that it started to wear off though, I couldn't take it much longer, I was so out of it.
I was like a walking zombie.
I couldn't see straight, think straight, walk straight, very bad idea.

In bio-family news.
My bio-brother Randy sent me an envelope full of pictures
It was pics of all of us from when we went to NYC.
I thought that was cool, Randy and I don't get many opportunities to talk or anything, he's always so busy working.
I will text him tomorrow and say thanks, hope he texts back.
We play cell phone tag more than we actually talk to each other.
Anyway, I'll have to scan some of the pics and post them, they are really nice, there's one of just he and I.
I don't even recall that one being taken, everything that happened was such a blur that morning, but now I have one of just my brother and I.
I really miss them.
That time we spent together was simply not long enough, not at all.
I want to get together and hang out, talk, spend time getting to know each other.
It's so hard, me down here in South-west Florida, and all of them up in Northern Maine.
It's very hard to learn that you have these siblings, this family that you never even knew that you had, and never get to see them.

February 9, 2010

Totally yucky day.

Woke up this morning to really heavy winds, so bad that the trash cans had to be chased down and caught, and Carmine couldn't wait to come back in.
Then the rain started and hasn't stopped.
It's let up a little, but it's been windy and rainy all day, and will be cold for the rest of the week.
I hate it when the weather gets like this, cold, windy, rainy, it just makes my body ache so bad, feel terrible.
I end up tired and with absolutely no motivation at all to do anything other than lay on the couch.
I'm really tired of laying on the couch lately.

And wasn't Cyber Monday back during Thanksgiving?
I got an email earlier today saying that I could still get great prices on all the hottest items for the holidays.
Total weirdness.

February 8, 2010

The neighborhood is getting worse.

When I first moved into this duplex, the neighborhood was great, a lot of single family homes, kids playing safely, riding bikes, neighbors actually talking to each other, a really nice place to live.
Over the last few years, it has gone downhill big time.
I keep saying that I need to get a gun for home protection due to almost attempted break-ins, and low-lifes stealing things right out of my carport.
I want to get some home insurance, or renters insurance, not really sure how that works if you rent a house, do you get home insurance or renters insurance?

Anyway, it's getting worse, as I said.
Saturday night, it wasn't late, maybe 8:30pm, the teens wanted to walk up to 7-eleven to get some snacks for themselves, I was still feeling sick, and they had just gone out the door when they came right back in not even 10 seconds later.
There was a really drunk man, looked to be late 20s- early 30s, walking down the sidewalk screaming at anyone else who was outside, that he was "going to get them".
I opened the door a crack so I could hear him and see him, and there he was, walking really fast down the sidewalk trying to catch up to 2 other teenagers, 2 boys looked about Sebastian's age, maybe 15-16 years old, who were trying to get home.
The guy was screaming, staggering around, but looked really angry, fists clenched up, and the 2 teens were trying to walk as fast as they could to get away from him, and he kept yelling.
The neighbor guy next door went out to see what was going on, the 2 teens were by his mailbox now, and he asked them what was going on.
They asked him for help, they told him the guy was following them, had followed them all the way down the street, they asked him to please help, to call the cops.
The neighbor didn't go in and call the cops, instead he tried to talk to the drunk guy.
Tried.
The drunk took a swing, that's when I told Sebastian to get me the phone, I called the cops and told them what was going on, and they said they were sending 2 units out.
Lucky they were close by, they got here in about 1 minute, so they must have been just down Ashton road by the post office or something,
The neighbor was not fighting with the guy, not swinging back, but he did get hit a few times, the 2 teens were practically hiding behind the neighbor's SUV, they were still scared, being quiet, 1 of them yelled to the drunk guy to leave him alone because the drunk kept swinging at and connecting about 1 out of every 4 swings, to the neighbor.
The cops just grabbed the guy, didn't even try talking to calm him down, just grabbed him because he was being violent.
They cuffed him and put him in the cruiser and then got statements from the neighbor and the 2 teens, and then came and took our statements, then they hauled him off to jail.
We were in the house, the teens watching out the windows, and I out the cracked door, none of us were going to go out there, no way.
I'm getting really annoyed with the kinds of people who have moved into the neighborhood man.
I'm just tired of the attempted break-ins, thieves, and now, the belligerent drunks trying to beat up teenagers.

January 28, 2010

I am so proud of Sebastian.

I haven't been feeling very well at all since last Thursday, I have an intestinal thing, that's all anyone really needs to know as I'm sure if you've ever had some sort of intestinal thing, you know all too well what I'm dealing with.

Anyway, Sebastian is doing so well in his digital design class and in his technology class, that a teacher has helped him prepare for something greater than where he's at right now.
There is a special high school here in town called Suncoast Polytechnical High School, that specializes in technology based programs.
You can read a bit more about them at that link, but their mission is as follows;

The mission of Suncoast Polytechnical High School is
to provide a highly personalized educational experience where students master a rigorous career and technology driven curriculum within a thematic, analytical, and interactive teaching and learning environment.

Vision
It is the Vision of Suncoast Polytechnical High School to be recognized for providing a world-class technical education.

Not only do the students have to adhere to some very strict classes and rules to stay in the school or be dropped back to their regular district high school, but the parents also have to do certain things to help their student stay at SPHS.
Parents have to volunteer 15 hours per year in the booster program or in the classroom, they have to check their students work every single week and sign-off on it, they have to be able to provide a computer and high speed internet connection, and they have to make sure their student attends every single day.
Any mistakes in following the rules by either the student or parent, results in the student being dropped back to their regular district high school.

Part of the admission process is to write an entrance essay explaining why they want to attend SPHS, and tonight Sebastian had me read his entrance essay.
I was absolutely blown away by how amazingly articulate he has become, what he stated as his career goals, and some of the reasons why he wants to work in the technology field, what he excels at, what he wants to excel at, and what his future employment plans are after attending SPHS and post-secondary school.
He also stated that he wants to improve his life, to not have to struggle to make ends meet like his mother has for so many years.
He explained in his essay about me and my work ethics before my body quit on me, the surgeries which completely changed my life and theirs, and how during the last surgery, I died twice on the table, had my lung collapse, and ended up in a medical coma for 4 days.
He explained that almost losing the only parent that has ever been there for him, that has worked so hard to provide for him and his brother, and still tries to provide the best that I can for my children, but struggles every day to make ends meet, to give them everything that they need, that he wants to be the absolute best that he can be at a career that he absolutely loves to do, so that once he's made it and providing well for himself, that he will be able to take care of me when I'm older and on my own.
He said,

"My mom has always been there for me, she provided not only my needs, but also provided me with all of the love, support, and encouragement, that has enabled me to have the courage to follow my dream career. I could not do any of this without her, even with all of her own physical limitations and problems, she has never once told me that I couldn't do anything that I wanted to do. My mom has always told me that if I want it, go get it, fight for it, be the absolute best that you can be, and that you will have the career of your dreams, the life of your dreams, and be able to stand up and be equal to any other person applying for those dream technology New York jobs where I want to live and work. Once I make it there, once I make my dream job come true through attending SPHS and any further education that I want to pursue, I want to be able to give back to the woman who has stood by me my entire life, loved me, supported me, and encouraged me to reach for this and to never let it go. If you allow me to attend SPHS, I will work hard for you, I will give you my all, and my mother will be here for the parents portion of enrollment, and then you will see where I learned to go after my dreams.
Thank you for your consideration in allowing me to attend SPHS for the 2011- 2012 school year. "

The giveaway for the book Bubble Gum and Hula Hoops will close at midnight tonight, Thursday the 28th, and the 5 winners will be drawn.
So far, only 5 people have entered, so if no one else enters, all 5 of them will automatically win a copy of it.
So if you'd like a chance to win a copy, you have until midnight tonight to get your entries in.

January 24, 2010

Ugh so gross! Make it stop!

Ok, so I seriously need some adult acne treatments that really do work, work well, won't make the skin become dependent on having to use it every single day for life or anything, because the zits be getting out of hand around here.

The teens just came home from my friend Mindy's son Jeff's birthday party, and after he eats his dinner, he sits down on the couch and a few minutes later announces that he "just popped a big huge zit and it shot across the room Mom! Holy crap!"

Yes, that is so what I want to hear being said while I'm eating some ice cream and trying to relax after my long afternoon in the ER with intestinal issues, 3 bags of fluid pumped into me, 2 injections of some stomach meds, and 2 injections of dilaudid for the back pain and muscle spasms that I was battling for the last 3 days.
Yup, sure did want to hear that now somewhere on a wall close by the couch, is a giant wad of zit juice.
This kind of grossness really needs to stop, and it will stop when we make the zits disappear.

January 22, 2010

Clogged again.

The bathroom tub is clogged again.
I hate it when it gets clogged, it takes forever to get rid of the clog.
In the past, I've used de-cloggng stuff like Liquid Plumr, the plunger, I've even used a straightened coat hanger to try and snake down there when all else failed.
I've spent countless hours at times trying to unclog that drain, and like after a good 2-3 days of working on it off and on for hours at a time, I finally get the clog to go away using a combination of de-clogging tools.
It hurts, too, being hunched over like that for hours and hours trying to get rid of the clog, every single muscle in my body aches, oh man, it sucks.
I feel like I'm getting a super workout on my arms, legs, and lower back muscles when I do it, I feel like if I was using a supplement like super pump 250, I'd probably get really ripping biceps just de-clogging the tub drain. haha
This is a very old house, it was built in 1976, and I think it still has all of the original plumbing fixtures in it, and it's still on septic even though the city has been promising to get us on the city sewer system for the entire 11 and a half years that I've been living in this house.
I really wish they would just get this sewer system project started at least, then at least I would know, or have some kind of time-line on when we may finally get some free flowing drainage going on.
Septic is so hard to deal with when it gets clogged, and sometimes when plunging, you end up plunging some super funky smells because of how old the septic system is.
Those super funky smells are soooo not pleasant, not at all.

January 19, 2010

I think it's broken.

My thermometer that is.
I tried to take my temperature this weekend when I was sick, but it wasn't registering correctly.
I know that I had a fever, but the thermometer said that I was barely breathing.
It said my temp was only 94.3!
So yeah, I think I need a new one and Buy.com has a Q3 ThermoHAWK 220 Infrared Thermometer on sale for just $19.99 with free shipping too!

I'm not sure that you can use it on people, but it's touchless so you aren't spreading germs, so that makes me think that you can use it on people.
You just point it at the object or person's head, press the button, and it tells you the temperature instantly with a 1 second response time.
That's pretty damn fast!
Our current thermometer takes about 1 minute or so, so yeah, having an accurate temp in about 1 second is pretty awesome.
It has an accuracy reading of +/-2.5% and a measurement range of -33C-100C.
It's small enough to fit in a pocket or purse, or my stuffed first aid kit box.
I'm really pretty positive that our thermometer is broken and I really should have bought a new one quite a long time ago.
I think my thermometer is about 8 or 9 years old, so yeah, it's definitely time to get a new one.
It lasted a good long time though, so I really can't complain about it being broken now.

January 19, 2010

Tired of getting sick so easy.

Remember how I said that I felt like I was coming down with something?
Well I did come down with something, I've been sick for the last 4 days or so.
Blah.
And on top of being sick, I got a few pimples.
What the hell?
I haven't had any pimples in years, but now I have some, so while I'm still searching for the best acne treatment for the teens, I'm now searching for one for myself too.

I haven't been able to sleep much at all, so yeah, it really sucks when I get sick because all I want to do is sleep, try to get some rest, and my body just won't cooperate.
I've had less than 6 hours of sleep for the last few days, I just lay in my bed and toss and turn all damn night.
My brain is in a fog, my hands are all shaky, I just feel like total crap.
I really hope that I can get some sleep tonight, I need it bad.

January 15, 2010

Extraordinary Measures movie review.

Last night Mindy and I went and saw Extraordinary Measures at the Muvico in Tampa.
Many thanks to CBS films for letting us be at the advanced screening of the film for free, it was most definitely appreciated as we both needed a night out, just us girls, so we could see a good movie, talk, and have some fun.

Synopsis

"Extraordinary Measures" is inspired by the true story of John Crowley, a man who defied conventional wisdom and great odds, and risked his family's future to pursue a cure for his children's life threatening disease. From his working class roots, John Crowley (Brendan Fraser) has finally begun to taste success in corporate America. Supported by his beautiful wife Aileen (Keri Russell) and their three children, John is on the fast track. But just as his career is taking off, Crowley walks away from it all when his two youngest children, Megan and Patrick, are diagnosed with a fatal disease. With Aileen by his side, harnessing all of his skill and determination, Crowley teams up with a brilliant, but unappreciated and unconventional scientist, Dr. Robert Stonehill. (Harrison Ford) Together they form a bio-tech company focused on developing a life-saving drug. One driven to prove himself and his theories, the other by a chance to save his children, this unlikely alliance eventually develops into mutual respect as they battle the medical and business establishments in a fight against the system - and time.

I thought the movie was going to be a total tear-jerker, but it wasn't.
There was only one scene where I felt like crying like the main character did, John Crowley, played by Brendan Frasier, when he thought he had screwed up so bad that he ruined his chance to help save his kid's lives.
Based on a true story, John Crowley was doing everything that he could do and think of to try and save the lives of his kids who suffer from Pompe Disease.
In Pompe Disease, normally, the body uses GAA to break down glycogen, a stored form of sugar used for energy. But in Pompe disease, mutations in the GAA gene reduce or completely eliminate this essential enzyme. Excessive amounts of glycogen accumulate everywhere in the body, but the cells of the heart and skeletal muscles are the most seriously affected.
Kids with the disease often don't live much past the age of 9-10, so John Crowley gave up his job, moved his family across the country, to try and prove the theories of Dr. Robert Stonehill, played by Harrison Ford.
Thanks to the hard work and sacrifice of both Crowley and Stonehill, an enzyme replacement therapy drug was created and it is actually working to help babies and kids with the disease to keep their hearts and other organs from growing too large and breaking down the muscles.

It was a really fantastic movie, I really enjoyed it, and as I said, it wasn't the tear-jerker that I thought it was going to be, not at all.
It was a movie about the hard work, determination, and love a parent has for their children.
I would highly recommend the movie to anyone to go see, it was definitely a movie worth watching as both Frasier and Ford did an outstanding job in their roles.
Harrison Ford plays a really eccentric and cranky scientist with a theory about the disease and how to treat it, but he's never had a drug go to trials, and never had a drug approved, so getting the venture capital needed to make and test the drug was an impossible feat for him.
That's where Frasier's character comes in, he has the business skills needed to get people to invest, he does whatever he has to to get the funding so Stonehill can get the drug made and into trials, and then approved, including having to sell-out to a larger drug company so that everything can happen at a much faster pace.
The things he did, he had to do even though it really angered Stonehill to have to sell-out and go work in a huge pharmaceutical company, but it had to be done, Crowley's kids were drying, they didn't have much time left at all.
In the end, Crowley even had to be fired from his job in order to get his 2 kids into the sibling test trials for the enzyme replacement therapy.

As a parent, I would do anything for my kids, I know how Crowley felt, do anything, everything, to try and save his kids.
Luckily, my sons don't have any life-threatening diseases like this, but Mark does have problems with his spine and I am fighting with the doctors and insurance almost every single day to get him treated now, not in 15-20 years when it may be too late to help him, when it may be so late that he ends up like me.
He's 18, has his whole life ahead of him, I can't let him end up like me, so like Crowley, I will fight and do what it takes to help my son get the medical treatment he needs now, not later.

The movie isn't that long, so we made it home before midnight, and I was dead tired from the long ride there and back, and sitting in the theater seat all that time.
I woke up this morning exhausted, I had big dark circles under my eyes, so I grabbed my eye ice pack and laid back down on the couch for another couple of hours.
I'm still tired but have a lot to do including the grocery shopping.
Ugh.

Oh, when we got to the theater, CBS had saved us our seats because I had asked to be in the handicapped row, middle seating if possible because of the tilt of my head, I cannot be way down front.
Sharon, the host of the screening, escorted us to our seats which she had roped off with caution tape.
The theater was totally packed, there were a lot of people there for the screening, so walking into a packed theater and being escorted to our roped off seats was kind of embarrassing.
Everybody was staring at us because she escorted us to the roped off section and she said really loud that the seats were for the VIP movie screeners for CBS Films, and that they had to hold up the movie for a few more minutes for a few more VIPs.
Ha!
All of the other screeners were from some group that I want to look up, GOFOBO or something like that, but we were treated as VIPs, given special seating, and thanked like a million times, so it was fun and kind of embarrassing, but kind of cool too to be given special treatment.
So thank you very much to CBS Films for allowing us to be a part of the advanced screening.

Extraordinary Measures will be in nationwide release on January 22nd, and I highly recommend the movie.

January 14, 2010

Off to the movies in a few hours!

Tonight Mindy and I are going to see the movie Extraordinary Measures all of the way up in Tampa.
It starts it's nationwide theater release on January 22nd, so we are going to see an advanced screening of it tonight, then come home and blog about our thoughts on the movie.

I'm really excited to go see it, it looks like a good tear-jerker of a movie, and I like seeing movies like this especially when they are based on true stories, and I don't mind a good cry because of a movie or tv show every now and then, but I will be prepared for sitting in the movie theater this time.
I'm bringing a pillow with me to sit on so I hopefully don't end up with the same kind of horrible pain that I was in when we went and saw Avatar.

This time, I am going to do whatever I need to do to try and make sure that I don't end up in too much pain from sitting all of that time.
I'm going to take my pain meds and use some of the joint pain treatment things that I have to try and relax my muscles and stuff before we go, and use the pillow to sit on while we're there.
I'm going to take a nice, long, hot shower, rub on some of the pain gel stuff that I have, take a muscle relaxer, and use my wearable heating pad for the ride up to Tampa.
Hopefully, this will keep some of the pain away so that I can enjoy the movie.
I'll let you all know how the movie is when we get back.
It starts at 7:30, so I don't expect to be home until around 11:30pm or midnight.

January 13, 2010

Sick of the Special K commercials.

The Special K commercials are getting more and more annoying, but there's one that drives me absolutely bonkers.
Every single time I see it, I start yelling at the tv, I end up leaving the room I get so upset.
I can't find a video for it on youtube, but it's the one where a mom and daughter are sitting at a CHILD'S PLAY TABLE AND CHAIRS, and the phone rings, the mom gets up, and her butt is stuck in the chair.
A chair that is made for a child, but this freaks the mom out so much that she goes to eat some more Special K cereal to help her with quick weight loss.
It's a child's chair, the mom is already skinny, but OMG! She wants to lose even more weight because she gets stuck in a child's chair, one that is made for like a 40-50lb child.

Every single one of the Special K commercials is like this, the women in them are already skinny, but they need to lose more weight, they just have to, so all they eat is Special K.
I hate these commercials, can't stand them, I think they are just sending the wrong message to women.
Skinny but not skinny enough?
Not anorexic enough?!
Eat some more Special K!

January 12, 2010

Dragging butt and coming down.

I haven't felt like myself over the last few days, not at all.
I'm not sure if I'm coming down with something, or just in a total funk.
All I know is I don't feel right, I feel off center of myself, out of place, out of whack.
I know something is wrong because normally, a few days after the holidays are over, I take down all of the xmas decorations.
Nope, they are all still up.
The teens don't care, they said just leave them up year round, I'm all like no, people will think I'm totally nuts if I leave them up all year long, so they told me to take them down if I don't want to be called nuts.
Problem is, I can't seem to take them down.
I look at them, tell myself to take them down, yet I can't, I just have no motivation at all to take them down, box them all up, and put them all away.
I dunno.
Maybe it's the after holidays blues kicking in and kicking me hard, I'm down and dragging butt, just want to lay on the couch and sleep with the kitties.
I am waking Sebastian up for school every day, that's a plus, and I am talking to Mark about school, there's another, yet I can't seem to motivate myself to put the damn decorations away.
A friend of Mark's is also talking to him about school, so maybe he will decide to do it soon.
He needs to do something other than sleep and play video games, and feel bad about stuff.

Oh, and enter my contest to win 1 of 5 copies of Bubble Gum and Hula Hoops, or at least spread the word on your blog and Twitter, please and thanks.

January 9, 2010

Girls' night out in Tampa this Thursday!

This Thursday night, the 14th, Mindy and I will be having a girls' night out in Tampa, to go see the movie Extraordinary Measures.

Synopsis

"Extraordinary Measures" is inspired by the true story of John Crowley, a man who defied conventional wisdom and great odds, and risked his family's future to pursue a cure for his children's life threatening disease. From his working class roots, John Crowley (Brendan Fraser) has finally begun to taste success in corporate America. Supported by his beautiful wife Aileen (Keri Russell) and their three children, John is on the fast track. But just as his career is taking off, Crowley walks away from it all when his two youngest children, Megan and Patrick, are diagnosed with a fatal disease. With Aileen by his side, harnessing all of his skill and determination, Crowley teams up with a brilliant, but unappreciated and unconventional scientist, Dr. Robert Stonehill. (Harrison Ford) Together they form a bio-tech company focused on developing a life-saving drug. One driven to prove himself and his theories, the other by a chance to save his children, this unlikely alliance eventually develops into mutual respect as they battle the medical and business establishments in a fight against the system - and time.

I know, not your typical girls' night out, no partying at a nightclub until dawn, but it's a night away from home and family, no kids to tend to, no cooking, no cleaning or dishes, but a night out to see a what looks to be a good movie, with a friend.

Now when I went and saw Avatar 2 weeks ago, I loved it, it was a fantastic movie, but sitting through the movie was very difficult on me.
I may have wide hips and a bit of a belly, but I have a very bony ass.
And not just my bony ass, but I also have two 4 inch titanium screws in my hips, and the titanium rods from my spine fusions that go all of the way down to the bottom of my tail bone.
Even though the theater chairs are very well cushioned, having a bony ass and that titanium in my tail bone, made sitting for almost 3 hours, extremely difficult.
Not even at the halfway mark, I could feel my tail bone in my butt, I could feel the titanium in my butt, and I kept trying to shift side to side to make it a little more comfortable.
When I'm sitting here at my desk, I do have a great office chair, it's very cushioned, but I have to have a pillow on it to help, and I still can feel my tail bone and the titanium after a few hours.

What am I getting at here?
Well, when I go see the movie this Thursday night, I'm going to have to bring a pillow with me to sit on, but I would honestly pay $20 for a movie ticket if there was at least 1 specialized movie theater.
What kind of special theater?
Well, one with good and comfy, home style seating.
Maybe some super plush but contemporary sofas, some big and squishy recliners, super long and soft sofas, furniture like people have at home.
I would totally pay $20 per movie ticket to be able to either kick all of the way back with my legs and feet up in a super soft recliner, or lay down on a big and soft sofa.
I would totally love it.
Heck, a big movie theater could makeover just 1 of the many theater rooms they already have, into the special theater room, and play the top movie release of the week, maybe change out the movie in that 1 theater every day or something, but charge $20 a ticket and see if people would buy tickets.
I know that I would, my sons would love it too, so I would pay for them to be in the theater with me on a big sofa or in recliners.
Those of you who have a home theater in your house, you know that it's awesome.
You have all of the benefits of surround sound, a really great and big HDTV, but with the total comfort of home.

I think a special theater would be really cool and totally work, and so if a theater made-over 1 theater room to have the super comfort of home, would you pay more for a ticket to be in there?

January 8, 2010

Almost got whacked in the parking lot!

My friend Nic and I went to the dollar store early this afternoon, I needed to grab some cat food and stuff, and when we got out of the car to walk to the store entrance, we almost got whacked by not 1, but 2, going way too fast in a parking lot, high risk drivers of the blue haired senior variety.
We almost got run over by 2 blue-haired seniors who obviously couldn't see where they were going because A) they were driving way too fast, and B) because they think they have the right to do whatever they want to whenever they want to, and C) because they probably didn't even see us!
They didn't use their blinkers either, and 1 of them parked in the handicapped space and did not have the thing on their license plate or the plaque hanging from their rear-view mirror either, there was absolutely no handicapped sign anywhere on their car, and neither of them appeared to be handicapped.
Being old is not a disability, it's just being old.
I know that not all disabilities are visible, I know this better than anyone as my disability is not visible, but if there is no handicap sign somewhere on their car, they should not be parking in those spaces no matter how old they are, as I said, old age is not a disability.
When they got out of their cars, Nic yelled at them to watch where they're going next time, and 1 of the old ladies turned around and told us to leave them alone or they were going to call the cops.
WTH?
Call the cops because we told them to watch where they were going?
Seriously, I absolutely hate season, hate it with a passion kind of hate because of all of the out-of-state seniors who are here and driving so dangerously, thinking they own the roads, thinking that they can do whatever they want, and just being incredibly rude.

Moving on!
The dollar store had a really good deal on the kind of cat food that I buy, The Goodlife Recipe.
At Publix, it's $4.99 for a 2.7lb bag, and the dollar store had it for just $3.29 for the 2.7lb bag.
I saved $1.70 per bag, so I might just have to go buy the kitties cat food from there from now on.
I also got a box of Arm & Hammer carpet powder to not only get rid of odors, but I found that it also helps pull all of the cat hairs out of the carpet.
With 4 cats, there's always a ton of cat hairs in the rug, and I end up dumping a ton of dirt and hairs out of the bagless vac normally, even more if I use the carpet powder.
I also picked up some night time cold medicine for Mark because he ends up coughing a lot from his cold when he's trying to sleep.
He's coughing a lot, but he coughs even more at night.
I think I may get some of that Mucinex and see if that helps him, I know that it worked good for me when I tried it, so hopefully it will work good for him so that he can get some sleep.
The poor kid had huge bags under his eyes when he got up today from not getting much sleep.
I'll try to remember to pick some up when I go to Publix tomorrow to do the grocery shopping.

PLEASE check out and enter the giveaway below!
It's to win 1 of 5 copies of a really fun and interesting book!

January 7, 2010

Bubble Gum and Hula Hoops review and 5 book giveaway!

I received a free copy of the manuscript for Bubble Gum and Hula Hoops: The Origins of Objects In Our Everyday Lives, about a month ago to read and review here on my blog.

It's a really fascinating and funny look at why certain things got invented, and why they were named what they were.
Take the bra for an example, a lot of people believe that it was invented and named after someone named brassiere, not true.
It's kind of a long story, but all the way back in 2500bc in Minoan Crete, they were using pieces of fabric strapped around the chest to support the bosoms, it probably resembled a sports bra of today because it was wrapped so tightly.
Corsets had been around since the 16th century, but it was in 1893 when American socialite Mary Jacobs was dressing for an evening event when she got really upset about her whalebone corset.
She took 2 hankies tied together with ribbon, and used them to keep her breasts looking the way she wanted them too under her tight party dress.
She was so pleased with it, that she patented the design and began selling them as "Caresse Crosby" bras but with very limited success.
Eventually she sold the design rights to the Warner Brothers Corset Company, and they went on to make a huge fortune from Mary's idea.
By the 1920's, they were in wide circulation, and now today, we have a huge assortment of over the shoulder boulder holders that flatten, tighten, plump, support, volumize, and of course, push up!

There are a ton of very interesting stories in this book about all kinds of products like the breathalyzer, the condom, toothpaste, cigarettes, bubble wrap, paper clips, bar codes, the camera, lipstick, the airbag, the GPS, parking meters, aluminum foil, canned food and carbonated drinks.
There so many things in this book that I'm sure you've heard a story about how they were made and it's probably wrong, so this book tells how and why things were made and why they were named what they were.

It was a really fun book to read, I learned a lot and laughed a lot along the way, so I want to share the learning and laughs with 5 lucky readers.
Do you want to win a copy of Bubble Gum and Hula Hoops for yourself?
Or maybe you know someone who enjoys learning about why things were invented?
If so, all you have to do is follow the rules below.

Here's how!
Rules:
The giveaway is open to United States, (including Alaska and Hawaii) and Canada!
This giveaway is open to all, not just bloggers, but rules must be followed.
Only 1 entry per person/family/household.
Only 1 person per IP address can enter the giveaway and complete the required entry and extra entries.
No entering on behalf of others, using extra identities or others identities, no automated program entries, etc.
I can check and verify IP addresses and email addresses. *wink*
If you are caught cheating, you will be banned from this giveaway and any future giveaways on my blogs.
This giveaway is only open to those ages 18+ only.
All entries must be received by 11:59 pm Eastern Time on Thursday January 28, 2010.
I will pick the 5 winners randomly using random.org on Friday January 29th, 2010, email the winners, and they will have 48 hours to claim their prize.
If I do not get a reply within 48 hours, I will pick a new winner using random.org again.

How to enter:
The required entry:
This is mandatory, if this one entry is not done, you will not qualify for the giveaway.
For a chance to win, leave me a comment telling me what you would have named any current product/invention, and why you would have named it that.

For extra entries:
The following are all for 1 additional entry each, and you must leave a separate comment for each 1 that you do.
If you bundle entries in 1 comment, the comment will be deleted and disqualified.

1.
Post a new comment telling me what you would like to see invented.

2.
Blog about this on your blog, and leave a separate comment with the url to your post.
The post must remain on your blog for the duration of the contest.

3.
Post about this giveaway with a link back to this post on Twitter, and then leave a comment on this post with the link to your Twitter post about this contest.
You can use this link in your Twitter post to tweet and tell others about this giveaway! http://tinyurl.com/yb4zlw3

4.
Follow me on Twitter.

5.
Post about this on Facebook and give me the link to your Facebook profile so I can verify it!

That's it!

***There are 5 books in total, they will be shipped directly to the winners from the publisher, so you will need to leave me a valid email address when you enter, and if you win, I will contact you for your mailing address which will only be given to the publisher, and only for the purpose of sending you the book.
None of your information posted like full name, email address, or mailing address which you have given for contest entries, will ever be given or sold to any person or company, it will only be used for the purpose of contacting you, if you win, to send you the book.***

Good luck!!

January 7, 2010

Yesterday. Oy vey!

I didn't post yesterday because I just didn't feel like it.
Hey, just being totally honest.

At 3:15pm yesterday afternoon, I had my monthly appointment with my pain doctor to do a check-in.
Check-ins usually all go the same way, him asking me a bunch of questions like, tell him on the 1-10 pain scale, where my pain was at right at that moment, what it was for the last couple of days, how the new medicine is working since my last appointment, have I had any new or unusual symptoms, any news on whether or not my surgeon has been able to come up with a way to fix my head, any more visits to the ER for itching, rashes, welts and hives, and do I have any questions for him.
The whole thing probably takes less than 10 minutes, in, out, see ya in 30 days, but because there was an emergency with a patient at the hospital, he was running about 45 minutes to an hour behind.

My 3:15pm appointment didn't actually happen until 4:27pm.

My pain on the scale yesterday was a 10 due to the freezing cold temperature.
My pain on the scale for the last few days has been bobbing back and forth between 9 and 10 because of the freezing cold temperatures too.
The new pain medicine works pretty good, not as long as the old one did, but that's because they were ERs, (extended release) these are immediate release, and they just do not last as long.
I'm supposed to take 1 every 4 to 6 hours as needed for pain, so between 4-6 pills per day depending on the amount of pain that I'm in.
It's been terribly cold as you you know, (I've been complaining about it enough) so the rods are frozen which causes a lot of pain, so I'm on the higher end of the dosing.
Nope, no new or unusual symptoms.
Nope, my surgeon has not found a way to fix my head yet.
Nope, I didn't have any more trips to the ER that he didn't know about, and nope, I didn't have any questions for him.

I left from his appointment around 4:35, then me and my friend Nic, who had driven me to my appointment, drove over to the pharmacy to pick up my scripts.
We waited about 10 minutes and they call me to the window to pick them up and pay, and their merchant services machine goes down.
Great.
I have to leave there and go find an ATM.
The shopping plaza the pharmacy is in, is like the only one in Sarasota that doesn't have a single ATM machine, so we have to drive over to the Hess station across Bee Ridge Road.
I use the ATM, grab the cash, and drive back across the street.
I go back to the pharmacy, the girl tells me the machine is still not working, so I pay in cash, get my scripts, and we leave.
From there, we start heading home but we both need to run to the store to grab something to feed our families for dinner.
We run into the Publix closest to our house, she runs 1 way, and I run to the frozen pizza.
Hey, I'm tired and cold, the teens can eat frozen pizza and love it, and they did, moving on!
I use my debit cards all of the time, I rarely ever use cash anymore, so when I went to pay, I instinctively swiped my debit card.
Declined.
What. the. hell?
Swipe again.
Declined.
Ergh, what the hell is wrong?!
Please tell me not another machine is down!
Swipe again.
Declined!
*smacks forehead*
D'oh!
I don't have enough money in my account for this purchase because I used my debit card to pay for my doctor appointment which ended up costing me less than the appointment girl told me when she called me Tuesday afternoon to remind me about my appointment, and I had to withdraw some cash earlier to pay for my prescriptions.
D'oh!
ATMs only let you withdraw in multiples of $20, so I had to draw out more than my scripts actually cost, but it also wiped out my balance down to like $4.89, the pizza that I was trying to pay for was $12.50.
I totally forgot that I had the remaining cash in my wallet.
So I looked like a totally broke fool at the register while a growing line of people stood behind me making it vocally clear *ahem* *cough* *ahem* that they wanted my dumb butt to just pay for my stuff or get the hell out of the way!

I swear, I can be just an absolute idiot sometimes, but honestly, when you get so used to using only 1 form of payment all of the time for everything, shopping, paying the bills, gas, take-out food, whatever, it can be very easy to forget that you have other forms of payment available to you like I did.

By the time I got back home a little after 5:30, my toes were completely frozen because of how cold it was outside and because I still can't wear regular shoes, only sandals, and because there's no heat in Nic's car, so the 2 of us drove all over the place and back home yesterday afternoon freezing our butts and toes off, I came in, changed and got into comfy clothes, and then aimed the portable heater at my chair and my feet for probably over an hour.
After they finally warmed up around 7pm, I got up and made dinner.
I made some home made General Tso and home made teriyaki chicken strips, I cleaned up from dinner, and then I was so tired and started to get cold again, so I laid on the couch, watched some tv, and then got my second wind which has now, kept me awake the entire night and the entire day. .
I'm so tired right now, I don't even remember if I got any sleep on Tuesday night.
I think I did, but I honestly don't remember if I did.

January 4, 2010

Why hire the same company again Florida?!

A road construction project, a HUGE one, down in Fort Myers has been halted due to a possible asbestos issue.
The $25 million dollar Summerlin road project has been stopped, roped off with caution tape, while state inspectors check for asbestos, a cause of cancer, most specifically, mesothelioma.

While county leaders are reserving their comments until after results are announced, on Monday state inspectors shared more information about what they're finding and how much asbestos may be out there. "If you look in close, you can see the fibers up in here and that's usually an indication of asbestos," said Sherrill Culliver of FDEP.

Posen Construction, the contractor for the flyover, has had asbestos issues before. They were forced to clean up asbestos chunks on a site near Alico Road a few years ago. The company, which has not returned our repeated calls, has several other high price contracts in the county.

The state does allow up to 260 feet of asbestos laden material to be at a construction site. If the tests come back positive and exceed that amount, those responsible will face environmental fines and, possibly, action by the county.

If the state of Florida knew that Posen Construction has had issues with asbestos before, if they knew that they had gotten in trouble for using it before, why did they hire them again?!
This is a huge project, a $25 million dollar project that has now been halted while state investigators search for the asbestos.
If it's found, all of the work that has been done so far on the flyover will have to be taken down and the whole thing started again, costing the state of Florida, the taxpayers, to have to hand over even more money to get it done correctly.
I just don't understand this kind of stuff.
I don't understand why it took so long for them to start investigating this construction site when they knew that this construction company, Posen Construction, has used more asbestos than the state allowable amount on past construction projects.
When I know that someone has messed up something in the past, I don't wait for the project they are doing for me to be more than halfway completed before I start looking at it, I usually try to find somebody else before using them again.
Isn't that what most people do when they get bad customer service somewhere?
You go somewhere else or try to find someone else, before ever going back to the place that gave you bad customer service, or did a bad job, you don't go back to them again, and if you do, you keep a very close eye on them.

Does the state like wasting taxpayer money?
Apparently they do because now not only will it cost the state more money to get the flyover done correctly, but now we're paying for the investigation.
The investigators who do the work, the lab tests, the lab workers, and so on, it's just even more money that's being spent on an already very expensive road project.

January 3, 2010

My toes are froze.

The teens went to Publix late Saturday afternoon to grab some subs for themselves for dinner, some 4-cheese pizza Hot Pockets for me, and to pick up some laundry detergent so I could do the laundry before Sebastian has to go back to school on Monday.
I know, Hot Pockets aren't exactly good for you, some people think they are totally gross, but I actually like the taste of them.
They are all that I was able to cook for myself for weeks on end for lunches after both of my surgeries, so I got used to them and grew to really like them.
Anyway, the teens picked up a big 64 use/wash-load bottle of Tide, the biggest bottle that they could find because I had that coupon for a free bottle thanks to the Bounce Dryer Bar fiasco, and the coupon did say any size, so I made sure that they knew to grab the biggest bottle on the shelves.
If they are going to give me free product because I went for 3 whole weeks with itchy red hives, a rash, and welts, from my neck all of the way down my entire body, anywhere my clothes, towels, or blankets touched, caused me to be covered in it, you can bet your butt that I'm going to get the biggest sized product available.
I had to re-wash every. single. load. of. clothes. that I had dried with that thing in my dryer, and considering I do about 6-8 loads of laundry per week, yeah, I ran out of my Purex 3-in-1 laundry sheets really quickly.
After they came home, I started getting the laundry done, I think I just have 2 more loads of towels to do, and then I'll be done for a day or 2.

I posted to KatScan late last night about how cold it is here, and so I've been up all night long with insomnia and freezing my toes off.
I am still totally unable to put on socks and shoes, I still can't bend over to tie shoes either, so I've been wearing flip flops, actually, they are Dr. Scholl's sandals, and they are what I have been wearing since August 2008 after the kitties chewed apart my last pair.
Yup, I've been wearing the exact same sandals every single day since '08.
I've never had an issue with wearing sandals every day, that is until now.
Like I said, it's freaking cold outside!
I'm in the house, but the floor is cold, it's just cold in here, and I can't put on socks and shoes, and wearing my sandals would be like wearing nothing on my feet, so I went Amazon hunting for some slippers that I could actually get on without any problems.
I found some Dearfoams Women's Boucle Mules, and they look like they would work perfectly for me!

They are indoor/outdoor, foam cushioned, lined with faux fur, and slip on!
Perfect!

They come in my size, and they come in black!
Yeuss!!
I could wear them in the house as slippers, and I could also wear them outside to keep my feet warm when I have to go to the store and stuff.
The best part?
They're less than $20 bucks!
I am so getting a pair as soon as I pay off a few bills this month because I don't think my toes can survive the super cold weather much longer.

It's not usually this cold here at this time of year, it doesn't get really cold until around the middle to the end of February, the beginning of March, not right now or in December when we had a few cold fronts come through, so this super cold air is making my toes freeze and my titanium like an iceberg.
I've been wearing my Thera pod practically all night long.
Every single time it cooled off, I nuked it for another minute and then strapped it back on my lower back.
It didn't warm up all of the titanium, but at least my lower back was warm, that's the area that I have the most pain in, so it worked good for that at least.
I really should have turned on the portable heater much sooner than I did.
I completely forgot that I even had it, it was sitting right here in the living room though, right on the other side of my tower table on the floor, but d'oh! I didn't plug it in and turn it on until like 7am after spending the entire night with frozen toes.
I can be such an idiot sometimes, but at least it's starting to warm up so that when the teens wake up, it'll be a bit warmer in here.
I can't believe that Carmine the kitty wanted to go out so early, he was crying and meowing to go out starting around 6am, but I didn't let him go until a little after 7.
I'm going to go check and see if he wants back in yet.
Last night, he kept wanting to go out, and then we'd hear him scratching at the door just 10 minutes later because of how cold it was.
I bet anything he's either sitting right at the door, or sitting on the chair that's out there right next to the door.
It's still only 38 degrees!
Brrrrr!!

December 30, 2009

I hate the cold weather.

For the last 24 hours, it has been cold and just generally yucky around here.
It was in the low to mid 30s which usually doesn't happen for the last few years, but it was super cold last night, and it will be super cold for the rest of the week too.
I really hate it when it gets cold like this, nobody wants to go out and do anything, everyone is dressed like we live in Alaska.
Seriously, I saw someone in a big thick winter coat, a scarf, and gloves.
It was cold enough to wear a winter coat, but it isn't cold enough to dress all of that on.
The weather really hurts me when it gets cold, the titanium screws get frozen, then they make me feel like I'm frozen, freezing to death from the inside out.
When it gets cold like that, I wish that I could just pack up all of the stuff we need, and then go on to find someplace warm to stay in the cold has gone away.
Rent a motor home, get the insurance and a motorhome warranty, and start driving to the lower portions of this state like Miami maybe, or even further south.
A motor home would be cool because we could all fit in it, our kitties too, pack up whatever food we have in the house, all of our sodas and stuff, and just start driving south to get to warmer weather near the equator.
Someday I will do the things that I talk about, going to the mountains, motor home, just go wherever it takes up.

December 21, 2009

Acu-Life Thera Pod product review.

I was very fortunate to receive an Acu-Life Thera Pod soothing 2-in-1 therapy heating and cooling pad for my review.
I received it free of charge in exchange for my honest opinion of the product.

The Acu-Life Thera Pod provides both moist heat and cold therapy to help facilitate healing of sore and tired muscles, aches and sprains, and even migraines.
For moist heat therapy, you remove the cold pack from the Thera Pod and place it in the freezer, and place the Thera Pod on a microwave safe plate, microwave for just 1 minute, and then you place it directly on the area that needs the moist heat.
It stays in place because it comes with an adjustable velcro strap.
So you can wear it on your lower back, arm, leg, shoulder, (like in the picture) knees, ankles, anywhere that you need to use moist heat or cold therapy.
For cold therapy, you insert the cold pack and wear it where you need to.
Moist heat helps with stiffness and flexibility, and cold therapy helps with inflammation and swelling.

All 3 of us have used the Acu-Life Thera Pod since getting it.
Sebastian has used the cold pack for his migraines, and both Mark and I have used it for our sore lower backs.
It really works well too.
Both Mark and I absolutely love the moist heat therapy, just nuke it and wear it until it cools off, and by the time it has cooled off, our lower backs no longer hurt as bad, and we both had improved flexibility, we were able to bend over and stand up straight without the usual discomfort.
The other night when it was a bit chilly out and I was really hurting from the cold weather, I nuked it for 1 minute, strapped it around my lower back, and laid on the couch and watched a movie for 2 hours.
When the movie was over, my pain was drastically lessened and I was able to get off the couch without the stiffness that I usually have trying to get up off of the couch.

I've tried to use heating pads while lying on the couch before, but if you roll over or change position, the heating pad would move and I would have to readjust it over and over again.
With the Acu-Life Thera Pod, because it's strapped to my lower back, I was able to lay on the couch, change position as I needed to, roll over, and it moves with me, so it's perfect for laying down and soothing and relaxing my sore lower back.
I almost wish it was full back size, like big enough to strap around my entire back, because then it just might help with the freezing cold and stiffness from the titanium rods.
But wearing it on my lower back and laying on the couch with a blanket over me, it did help warm me up a bit on the inside, and it did help with the stiffness and pain in my lower back.

I really like the Acu-Life Thera Pod, it works very well, it can do both moist heat and cold therapy, and both are needed in soothing and relaxing sore and stiff muscles.
I'm very glad that I was given this product to try and review, I would have never known about it had I not been asked to give it a try.

December 21, 2009

32 and dead of natural causes?

Actress Brittany Murphy died early Sunday morning of what the coroner is calling natural causes right now, until an autopsy is done.

Assistant Chief Coroner Ed Winter said they will conduct an autopsy Monday to try to determine what killed the actress, and said her death appeared to be from natural causes. He said the reported illness could have contributed to her death, but it will be weeks before a final determination is made.

If a 32 year old can die of natural causes, then someone my age, almost 40, can die of natural causes too.
I have underlying health problem as well, I take a lot of medications, I keep getting my medications switched on me while we still try to find one that works well, but it's things like this that make me worry about my health and my life.
I'm always looking at getting a term life insurance quote, yet I still haven't gotten life insurance.
I know that I should, I know that I need to have it, but I keep not doing it.
Two things always stop me from doing it, money to pay the monthly insurance premium, and the totally irrational fear that if I do it, it will cause me to die sooner.
I know that it's totally irrational, but it's still a very real fear that I have.

So many people have died in the last few weeks, families have lost children to drowning, a mother lost her husband, 4 year old son, and a 17 month old baby this past week, only she and her step-daughter survived the fire, a blogging friend tweeted this morning that a family friend found her husband dead in the bathroom, it's just not been a good few weeks for people.
All of this has made me feel, first of all, very sad for these families, I can't even imagine, but second, even more strongly that I should get life insurance, I don't want to leave my sons and family burdened with having to pay for my funeral, which I don't want anyway, I want to be cremated and just leave it at that, but still, cremation costs money that none of my family can really afford if I were to die soon.
I don't know, I just feel very sad right now, sad for all of the losses that people have suffered.

December 20, 2009

I love the cold but hate it too.

It's been rather chilly here all day and night now, the high today was 62, and the low is going to be somewhere between 42 and 47.
I love the cold, I really do, but my body doesn't.
I love the cold we're having right now because it makes it feel much more like Christmas, but my body is hating it.
I had to go out today and fill up another script of my pain meds because I just wasn't able to deal with the pain from the frozen rods attached to my spine.
That's the one thing that I absolutely cannot stand about the spine fusion, the freezing feeling of the rods when it gets cold or rains, it's truly an unreal feeling, people without the rods have absolutely no idea what it's like, and every person who has the rods, tells me the same thing, they freeze when it gets cold or rains.

When Sebastian and I went for our nightly walk, it was around 47 degrees, a bit on the chilly side for Florida, so we wore our new hoodies that we got from Joanne.
They are wicked nice, warm, and incredibly soft, we love them and they are perfect for the chilly weather here.
It rarely ever gets super freezing cold here, but there are times that does get chilly enough to turn on our portable electric heater to just keep it at a nice warm temperature in here.
Not so hot we're sweating, but not so cold that we have to bundle up.
The boys are more used to the weather here than I am, they were little when we moved here, so their bodies adjusted to the weather much more than me.
My body still isn't totally used to it, plus ever since my surgeries, my internal thermometer is like broken, I'm always about 10-15 degrees hotter than everyone else.
It could be 70 degrees, and to me, it will feel like it's 80-85 degrees, so when it's really super hot out in the summer, I'm sweating to death, that's why I have both the ac on and a box fan sitting about 4 feet from me blowing on me constantly when I'm sitting here at my desk.

I love my little portable heater, it does a really good job keeping us warm enough during the winter, but if I had my own house and it had a fireplace in it like most of the bigger homes here in Sarasota do, I would probably convert it to an electric fireplace to save on the cost and the mess of using real wood in a fireplace.
They make and sell a electric fireplace insert that plugs in, it looks like real wood burning, it feels like a real wood burning fireplace too.
I've been in a friend's house that has one and they love it because they don't have to buy any wood for it, and the cost of running it is about 3¢s per hour to just have the look of flame, and about 8¢s per hour to have the heat turned on.
It uses a standard electrical outlet, and provides 4700 BTUs/hr of heat, and provides supplemental heat for up to 400 sq ft, that's enough to heat up my entire house that I live in right now.
I love the look of fireplaces but hate having to chop up wood and clean up the ash and soot after the fire burns out.
Tomorrow night's low is going to be around 43, it's going to be wonderfully chilly out and if the boys ask me to turn on the heat, I will, but we usually don't have to use heat until around February.
Just check out this video that I found about electric fireplace inserts, it looks so easy to install and use, I would love to have one if I could, it would make the house look and feel so nice.

Once I started to feel a little better, I started to do some cooking and baking.
I have a pot roast cooking in the slow cooker, I'm going to let it cook on low all night long, it will be absolutely perfect to eat tomorrow, the meat will just be so moist and tender, and the carrots, onions, and baby potatoes will be perfect too.
I just got done making some peanut butter blossom cookies with Hershey's kisses on them.
They came out perfect, and tomorrow I may make some chocolate chip cookies, I love baking cookies around the holidays, they make the house smell awesome, and everyone loves to eat them.

December 17, 2009

But I don't wanna switch plans!

It's the time of year when people on Medicare start getting bombarded with mailers, emails, phone calls, and everyone sees the commercials for the Medicare supplement plans, because now is the one time per year when you can change your plan, and every company wants you to switch to their plan.
I don't have a supplement plan, I only have a part D drug plan, and that's because all of the plans available in my area cost way too much and the co-pays actually get more expensive with some of them.
There is one that I would switch to if it was available in my area, Blue Advantage, but I can't get it here.
If I lived in Tampa I could, but not here in Sarasota, so I won't be switching to any of the other plans because I don't like having to pay $50 when I walk into the ER, that's totally ridiculous to have to pay before you can be seen in an ER in my opinion.
The other plans just don't have as much to offer me, the plans would cost a bigger monthly payment, and right now I only pay $6.30 per month for my part D plan which is good enough for me.
I just wish all of the mailings, emails, and phone calls would stop.
They're starting to drive me crazy.

December 16, 2009

Our new netbook is here!

The netbook that I ordered for Sebastian to use at school and for his digital design projects came today!
It wasn't supposed to be here until Friday, but FedEx really kicked some major butt getting it here.
Just yesterday the 15th, it was in Anchorage Alaska, and FedEx somehow got it from there to Memphis Tennessee, and then to Tampa, and to Sarasota between 3:30pm yesterday and today at 5:21am.
That is freaking outstanding delivery time!

It's an HP Mini 110, it has 1 GB DDR2 RAM, a 160GB Hard Drive, comes with WinXP, about a 7 hour battery life, a bunch of games were installed which Sebastian just loved checking out, it all a ton of programs and features to it, it's a pretty great little netbook.
I spent some time checking it out, it's going to be really handy to have around when Sebastian isn't using for school.
I figure it will be prefect for those days when I'm not feeling well or in a lot of pain and just not able to do anything but lay on the couch, that I'll be able to use it and get my work done from the couch.
It comes setup for wireless, so I set up the wireless network connection, it searched for all available signals in the area, ours showed up in the list first, but I saw 5 of my neighbors connections in the list.
They were all secure which is nice to see, nobody can steal their wi-fi signals, but I set it all up and Sebastian then checked it out from every room of the house...hahaha

December 15, 2009

Video games, kitty food, and front teeth.

I just ordered the video game the teens wanted for xmas, Cally of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, I got some money in sooner than expected, so I ordered it now before I got stuck having to order with 1 or 2 day expensive shipping.
I also bought the kitties a present, a food feeder, because it's been a total pain in the butt having to constantly add food to their bowl.
It matches the waterer that I have already, so I know that it's a good quality product to have.

The money order from Mom and dad came in today's mail, so I don't have to watch for the mail for that, but I still have other things coming to watch for, so tomorrow while I'm getting my tooth fixed, Mark will have to be the lookout.

I think I'm going to try and go to bed early, see if my body and brain will let me sleep or if it's going to be another night of insomnia.
Later days.

December 14, 2009

Did you really take a shopping cart home from the store?

Yes, yes we did.

Yesterday when Sebastian and I went grocery shopping, we called for a taxi cab like we had planned on doing, we bought a wicked lot of groceries so we needed a ride home.
Well, the taxi cab's phone rang busy every single time that I called it.
For 20 minutes.
It usually goes to voice mail if they are busy, you leave your name and number, they call you right back and schedule you for a pick-up, so I have no idea why it kept ringing busy, but we had all of that food to get home, meats, milk, and other perishables, so we did what we had to do, the food had already been sitting in the cart in the heat for 20 minutes.
Sebastian and I did what we had to do, we walked home with the grocery cart full of groceries.
Now there's a Publix grocery cart sitting in my laundry room, I didn't want to leave it outside and have it get stolen or have the neighbors look at me funny because come on, having a grocery cart sitting in your driveway is as white trash as having an old rusted out car sitting up on cinder blocks.

All of the way home, people were looking at us like we were total white trash walking the mile long way home.
Yes, we live about 1 mile from the store and we walked home with a grocery cart, it's total white trash! Hahahaha!
At least we got all of the food home before it got ruined, I was seriously worried about the milk spoiling, it was about 80 degrees yesterday and so walking the food home, I was really worried that things would start to spoil, and then there ya go, wasted food and money.
I hate wasting food because it's wasted money.
I always store-up leftovers and when the teens tell me they are hungry, I hand them the Rubbermaid of leftovers and tell them how long to reheat it in the microwave.
I make them finish off the last quarter cup of milk in the gallon, the last slices of bread even if they are the crusted loaf ends, I don't waste any food if it can be helped, so walking the grocery cart home as fast as we could so nothing spoiled was super important to me.
Sure we looked totally silly and totally white trash, but I couldn't reach the cab company so yup, I did what I had to do.

Now I'm just sitting here waiting on the mail man again today.
I'm waiting on 3 things to be delivered this week, the money order from Mom and Dad, the netbook is supposed to be delivered by FedEx by Friday, and a review product is also supposed to be here sometime near the end of this week, so it's a full week of stalking the mailman and other delivery people.
It kind of sucks to have to just sit here with the blinds open and waiting, I have other things that I can be doing, but I don't want stuff to get stolen, and this is the time of year when things get stolen by desperate and ignorant people.

December 13, 2009

Shopping, decorating, and no sleep.

Once again I've been up all night with insomnia, and then when Sebastian woke up on time because we had planned to go do the big grocery shopping this morning, I had started to doze off right here in my chair.
I hate it when that happens.
I'm so tired from being awake all night long with insomnia, fighting to go to sleep, being unable to sleep so I give up and play on the internet all night.
I end up either goofing off online all night doing totally stupid stuff, or like last night, I was actually checking out all of the various e-tailers looking to see who had the best deals on the video games that the teens want for Christmas, hoping that there will be a good sale when I get paid this week, and also hoping for free and super fast shipping on those video games.
I do not want to have to go into a brick and mortar store to get those games, but because I am doing the Christmas shopping so late, I just may end up having to go to a physical store.

Buy.com does have the best price for Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, and they do have it with free shipping, but according to their holiday ordering deadlines, if I don't get it ordered by Wednesday the 16th at noon, if I still want to order it and get it by Christmas eve, I will have to pay for 1st or 2nd day air which would cost a lot more money than I want or have to spend, so I may end up having to go to a physical store.
As of right now, the price for 2nd day air is only $4.50 more than the standard of $4.40, but that may change the closer we get to the holiday and shipping schedules get tighter or busier, or maybe that's just their really awesome super low price for 2nd day air all of the time?
Wow, I just looked, and 1 day next day air is only $6.00 more!
I know that other e-tailers charge way more than that for 1st and 2nd day air, a whole lot more.
I don't know and I'm really trying to not stress out over being able to order their games on time without having to pay crazy shipping fees, but that's just how I am, my OCD will drive me absolutely crazy every single day until I can actually place the order.
I just hope that I will be able to get it regardless of being able to order it or have to buy it in store.
I know that it's a popular game, so all I want is to definitely be able to get it.

Ok, off to do the grocery shopping now that it stopped raining and the sun actually came out, and then when we get back home, I need to decorate for Christmas.
I've been putting it off all week, and I promised Sebastian that we would definitely get it done this weekend.
Shopping and decorating on no sleep, should be totally awesome.
Not!

December 12, 2009

Up, up and away

Tonight the teens and I watched the movie "Up" by Disney and Pixar.
Well, Friday night, it's now officially Saturday morning.
Once again I've been up all night, spending the entire time crying off and on, just beyond tired and stressed out, and frustrated, and angry, and all kinds of emotions all just slamming into me all night long.
It's not just one reason for this, it's many different reasons and it would all take far too long to explain so I'll just talk about the movie ok?
Ok.

The movie was really good, it was happy and cute, funny and sad, and just a truly wonderful love and friendship story.
I absolutely loved the character of Russell, I thought that kid was just downright adorable!
I wanted so much to just reach out and hug that little guy, his heart was just so open even though it was hurt and broken because his dad wasn't around any longer.
Russell just wanted so much to get it right, to earn that last Wilderness Explorer badge, the Assisting The Elderly Badge, because then maybe his dad would pay attention to him again.
Go camping again, go eat ice cream cones and count the red and blue cars while sitting on the curb, Russell just wanted so much to get those boring things (he called them boring) back.

At the same time that this cute little adventure story is going on with Russell and Carl going up and away in the balloon, we have another story, a love story that happened and is the reason for the whole house going up in balloons.
Carl and Ellie, their love, their life together, ups, downs, happiness, and extreme sadness, but through it all they remained together and on their own adventures together.

Love, friendship, adventure, belonging.
I loved every smile, every laugh, every single tear that this movie made me feel.

It's on sale right now and if I have enough money left over after getting the teens their gifts for Christmas, I might just get this for myself, I enjoyed it that much that I can totally see myself watching it on rainy Saturday afternoons while I lay on the couch with a blanket, a cat, and a few tears sliding down my cheeks.

I know I did a terrible job telling you about this movie, but this post wasn't a movie review, it was just me talking about how my Friday night was, how I'm feeling now at 5am Saturday, just a weird random post filled with all my feelings, mostly sadness.
There are several reasons that I should be happy, but I keep finding myself just totally overcome with sadness every so often these last few days.
I just keep welling up with tears, they start to fall and then I feel the reason that I started crying, it's supposed to be the other way around, feel then cry.
I think this movie just made me feel put on hold, it reminded me that I'm on hold, and I can't get off of hold.
I know that I'm not making a whole lot of sense, I'm exhausted and frustrated with things, and I just want to, actually, I have absolutely no idea what I want other than an intense need for a cigarette right now and I don't have any. hahahaha!

December 9, 2009

I think it's the paint.

I am really starting to think that it's the paint at the high school that is causing Sebastian to keep getting migraines.
Starting the last week of November, Sebastian started a new class that he takes on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
He needs to take and pass this class to earn the required English credit for graduation.
This class is the 2nd period of the day, and every time he has this class, he ends up getting a headache that ends up turning into a migraine at some point during the day or night.
He had the class Monday, had a headache for the rest of the day, and then had the explosive migraine that night at 1am.
He had that class again today, the class starts at 8:45am, and within an hour, he had a headache.

I wasn't home for most of the day, I had my doc appointment, but he sent me this email when he got to his digital design class at 11:45am.

Hey when I get home do we have any Tylenol or Advil something like that.
I got another migraine so I want to get something when I get home.

I asked him a few hours ago, after giving the medicine a chance to work, questions about that particular classroom.
Questions like, was it recently painted, does the teacher wear perfume, do any girls in class wear perfume, do any of the guys wear cologne, can he smell anything harsh like paint or a chemical?
He said his teacher says that perfumes are bad for people so she doesn't ever wear any, he does not sit near any of the girls or guys in the class because he likes to sit near the back of the room away from people because it gives him a little bit of privacy so he can concentrate better, and he said that the class always has a slight smell of paint.
Aha!
He doesn't get headaches every day, only on the days he has this class, the class is at the same time every day, and the room always smells a little bit like paint.
Smells can trigger headaches and migraines, I know this because I get perfume/scent headaches, and certain perfumes and scents cause me to have an instant migraines.
The scents that cause me to have an instant and excruciating migraine are cinnamon and vanilla.
I love cinnamon rolls, I love the taste of them, but I cannot inhale the smell of them too deeply or this food that I love to eat will give me a blinding migraine from breakfast time straight on through the entire day.
At this time of year at Publix, they sell these stupid and absolutely horrid cinnamon brooms and they place them at both store entrances and at various locations throughout the store.
I can go from the dairy aisle and take a left into the deli section and get ambushed by the scent of those brooms and have an instant migraine that makes the rest of my grocery shopping an absolute nightmare.
The vanilla perfume that causes the instant migraine is Vanilla Fields by Coty.
I know that perfume as soon as I get even the slightest whiff of it.
I first started getting migraines from it when I worked at Pier 1 Imports.
There were 3 (three!) girls who worked there that wore it, and a whole hell of a lot of it.
Ugh.
It would suck when all 3 of them worked on the same day, I would beg the manager to let me work in the stockroom all day because if I had to be on the sales floor with those 3 girls, I would be be curled up in 1 of the papasan chairs and crying by the end of the day.

Strong scents, perfumes, spices, and chemical scents, can causes headaches for almost anybody, but for people who are susceptible to migraines, those scents can turn a regular easy-to-kill with Tylenol headache, into a migraine that just makes you want to chop your own head off.
I really believe that it is the slight smell of paint in that 1 classroom that is causing Sebastian's migraines.
Last year he was getting migraines almost every single day.
Last year the school was being built, there was a ton of construction and painting going on every single day, so he was getting headaches and migraines almost every single day.
Sebastian has to take this class 3 days a week, he has to get this credit in order to graduate, and there is no other teacher in his grade level teaching this class, so he has to be in this classroom 3 days a week.
The school has the most absurd rules about stuff like Tylenol if I wanted to try and help him stave off the impending migraine, too.
No student can have or use any Tylenol or other OTC medication at or on any part of the school property, or face suspension with their zero tolerance policy concerning drugs.
Even if a student has a prescription and a letter from a doctor, they cannot have their pain medicine at school.
We went through this last year when he had to take a migraine medicine every 6 hours, they refused to let him take it at school, they wouldn't even dispense it to him in the school nurses office, it was this huge hassle and that's when I asked them about Tylenol and other OTC meds.
They had the same response, no medications, zero tolerance, but if I wanted to, I could appeal it at the school board, they would investigate the students need for the medication, I would have to give my written consent for them to contact the doctor and find out how much the medication was really needed to be taken.
It was basically a do or die kind of thing, like, was Sebastian's head going to explode if he couldn't take the medication at exactly every 6 hours?
Would he survive if he took 1 dose before he left home in the morning, and then didn't take the next dose until he got home?
He would survive?
Thank you doctor.
Sorry Ms. Cooper, Sebastian will not die if he can't take it at school, so our original decision holds, he will not be taking his medication at school, thank you, and now shut the fuck up.
There were quite a few days last year when I had him stick 2 Tylenol in his pocket before he left home, and I told him how to take them if he started getting a headache.
I told him that when the bell rang and everyone was changing classes in the hallway, to reach into his pocket, grasp the pills in his hand and when he got near a water fountain, start coughing really hard, cover his mouth with his hand so he doesn't spread the germies, pop the Tylenol into his mouth, and then get a drink at the fountain and keep on going to his next class.
If he continues to get these migraines every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, we may just have to start doing the cough and swallow trick again.
It's absolutely pathetic that we have to do that, that any student has to do that.
I know that Mindy's son Jeff had to do that when he injured his foot and was wearing 1 of those boots, they wouldn't let him take his prescription pain meds either, so Mindy did the same as us, cough and swallow.
I hate that we have to break the rules, and I know that if he gets caught doing the cough and swallow he will be suspended for a minimum of 1 week, but knowing that he is getting horrible migraines makes me feel like I have no choice but to break the rules.

His migraine was barely starting to fade away at 9pm, but he finally felt like it was easing up enough to where he could try to sleep, so he went to bed around 9:45pm, and I went and checked on him around 10:15pm, and he was asleep, so I'm hoping that the migraine goes away completely, that he won't wake up screaming later on tonight.
I'm not tired at all, so I'll keep checking on him all night until I do feel like going to bed.
Migraines are truly the suck, both for the person who suffers from them, and for the people caring for the sufferers.
I really hate seeing him hurting so much, I hate seeing the pale and pained face, I hate hearing him cry in a barely audible whisper because even crying normally makes it hurt even more.
I wish there was a safe medication that he only needed to take once a day every day, and it would make it so that migraines never happened at all, and if they did, that it would quickly disappear.
That would be awesome, but so far the only meds sort of like that have terrible side effects, and I refuse to make him end up having chronic diarrhea, chronic dry mouth, heart palpitations, urinary problems, or any of the other multitude of side effects from those medications.
Looks like it will be the ol' cough and swallow trick 3 days a week.

December 8, 2009

Explosive migraines and shopping.

Around 1 am, Sebastian woke up screaming from an explosive migraine.
Mark was awake and playing a video game, I was out here playing around online, and we both heard him screaming, so the both of us ran in there to see what was wrong.
I turned on the light and ran to his bedside and asked what was wrong while brushing his hair out of his eyes.
He was crying and clutching his head, all he could say was "migraine, help me", so I had Mark grab a t-shirt for Sebastian and help him put it on while I ran out to the kitchen to turn on the water and let it get a little colder, and then I came to my desk where I keep my meds and I got out a Hydrocodone, and went back to the kitchen to fill his cup with cold water.
Hydrocodone is basically Vicodin, and Sebastian's doctor has put him on that before so I know it's ok to give it to him.
I had him swallow down the pill and then lay on the couch to try and relax.
I sat next him and rubbed his forehead and temples gently while having him slowly inhale deeply through his nose, and exhale deeply through his mouth.
These things, the breathing and massaging of the head while waiting for the pain pill to kick in, help migraine sufferers relax while waiting for the med to kick in.
If they don't calm down, the migraine can get much worse, especially with Sebastian.
He goes into panic mode and starts breathing really fast and hard, and then he starts crying, and then the migraine gets even bigger, so doing the breathing and massaging for about 10 minutes while waiting for the med to kick in, works extremely well in preventing the exploding migraine from getting any worse.

I suffer from migraines myself, I get about 1 or 2 per month, but I have gotten the exploding migraines in my sleep before, it's very painful, so painful that it feels like you've just been shot in the head at point blank range, like the gun was touching your head when it was fired.
It's not a migraine that comes on slowly, it just explodes in your head, all of a sudden, you have a migraine, BANG! there it is, an explosive migraine that drops you to your knees.
I feel so bad that he gets migraines so often, but at least it's not like last year where he was having 1 just about every other day, he's now only getting them about once per week.

I finally made up my mind and did it.
I bought the netbook tonight.
I won't be needing to buy any laptop memory for the netbook, it has a 160GB hard drive, and 1GB DDR2 system memory already, so that should be plenty for what Sebastian is needing it for for school.
YaY!

December 2, 2009

Respiratory Guard lozenges review.

I had the opportunity recently to try out a product that says that it inhibits invaders from entering into host cells, and may help you and your family with a flu cure.

I wasn't sick with a cold, but both of the teens were sniffling, sneezing and coughing during the week of November 12th.
I started giving the both of them some of the Respiratory Guard lozenges to help combat their illness, and even though it wasn't the flu which needed a flu cure, the Respiratory Guard lozenges did help fight off some of the symptoms they were complaining of, like sore throats and sniffles, and I think it helped getting rid of the ickies a lot faster too.
In my opinion, they do work to help combat the sickies and ickies of the cold, and if any of us are going to get the flu this season, the Respiratory Guard lozenges are probably going to help get rid of that a lot faster too.
The teens only complained of and had symptoms for about 3 days while I was giving them the lozenges, so yeah, that is a lot faster than I can remember them being sick like that last year.

There's only 1 problem with the lozenges though.
Both of the teens said that they taste like fruity ass.
Now I don't know what fruity ass tastes like, but I did taste 1 myself to see why the teens quickly chewed them up and then downed a full glass of water or soda to get rid of the after taste.
I totally agree with the teens assessment of the lozenges.
They do have an aftertaste that just isn't pleasant, but seriously, what type of medicine has a good taste or after taste?
Not too many, so if you just take a big drink after chewing them up, the after taste is gone in seconds.
So in conclusion, they may have a bitter after taste, but they work as they are intended to work, they help fight off symptoms and help you feel better faster.

This review is a result of a feedback campaign by Respiratory Guard. The recipients were asked to give their honest opinion about the product they received. Good reviews were not incentivized and poor reviews will not be censored for their opinion of the product. **

December 2, 2009

Acceptance.

When I got home from the ER tonight, Mark told me that he's ok with it all now, he's ok with the spine issues that he has.
He said that he woke up today and it was like a switch got flipped on, and he's decided that he's not going to let it ruin his life or stop him from doing something to help others.
He knows that he can't be a police officer, but he still wants to work with people, for peop